But What If
by Yavanna and SunStar
Summary: It's the summer of 2002 when Non Llewellyn, an anxiety riddled PTSD suffering auror, is just struggling to get through the days. Hot on the case of dark wizards who evaded capture after the war, she doesn't have time for any additional stress but when a new Ministry of Magic law gets put into place her world will never be the same again. *AU as FW lives*
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 1

Contrary to popular belief, Hufflepuffs were not pushovers. I was evidence of that enough. Yet those silly, over confident Gryffindors never failed to underestimate me even after three years working in the auror department at the Ministry of Magic.

Well, I said Gryffindors as in plural when really I just mean one. Ron Weasley. Maybe you've heard of him? Honestly though, just because I was a desk based auror as opposed to a field agent didn't mean I got to shirk the weekly training.

"That's four weeks in a row Weasley, don't you _ever_ learn?" I beamed at him as we made our way to the review station.

"It's a cheap trick with that shield spell Llewellyn" Ron grumbled back, pushing his sweat soaked hair from his forehead.

"Cheap? Now that I must take offence at. Sneaky? Sure, but so effective. If you ever want any tips, feel free to ask" I winked at him before Auror Beckett greeted us.

"Llewellyn, Weasley that was a great effort. Not much to improve on but Weasley you've got to be more aware of tricks, we'll modify your training for next time, you're not far off."

"Thanks Sir" Ron replied and with a nod of his head to the both of us he left to shower and change before returning to the office.

I smiled at Beckett thinking that was the end of the feedback but as I made to move his hand on my arm held me in place.

"Not so fast Llewellyn, a further word if you will."

His grey eyes twinkled at me. They were about the only brightness left in the older wizards face. He was so scar marked it was hard to tell if he had ever been handsome, even harder to age him although most in the department were convinced he was in his 50s. He was one of the few surviving auror's from prior to the war, so his expertise was invaluable. He also had the habit of issuing orders and not requests but we always knew better than to argue with him.

"Sure Beckett, what do you want?"

"For you to get your backside out of that office and out into the field. We're short on numbers you know that, and we need you out there."

I had to bite back a grimace.

"Sorry Beckett, you know I'm more effective in the office. I've helped solve how many cases now? We get better results where I am now."

I didn't want to add in the other reason, that I didn't feel I could cope with the stress of field work, it was an old argument I'd had with him but he was beginning to get more insistent. I really didn't want to have to prove myself right by doing field work then having to go off ill with stress.

Maybe I should recap a bit for you. I mean I bet you're thinking what on earth is a fully trained auror doing not doing field work? Surely that's why I qualified in the first place? And well yes, you'd be right. But here's the thing, post-traumatic stress disorder is a bitch and trust me it likes to bide its time before it strikes.

When the war was finally over, some four years ago now, you'd have thought then would have been the time for me to be unwell but it was weird. It was as though I'd had a delayed reaction. I'd missed my sixth year due to the Voldemort controlled Ministry of Magic pure blood only rule at Hogwarts and so when the school re-opened after the war I had buried myself into my studies having to complete N.E.W.T courses over one year instead of two. And then of course upon graduating I'd gone straight into auror training and I was fast tracked through that too. The department were desperate for new aurors. Here's the thing, whilst we technically won the war on the 2nd May 1998 it took years to track down all of Voldemort's supporters, in fact, we were still on the trail of some, and the Ministry had been far too depleted to deal with it properly. Still were really.

So I hadn't had a chance to let what happened in that year, that one bloody awful year, to catch up with me. It wasn't until I got into a routine with work and was frequently finding myself on dangerous outings as an auror that everything got on top of me. I'd tried to describe it Beckett at one stage as though my anxiety level was permanently full and that anything extra was tipping me over the edge, but he couldn't seem to grasp the concept.

You know anxiety right, that fight or flight feeling? Well I'd started to feel it constantly and even the most basic task was almost too much for me to cope with. There had been one particular time, when I'd had to make an arrest, that it all got too much for me and we'd had to make some changes. Beckett knew that, he was the one that had found me to my complete shame in a full on panic attack so it infuriated me when he kept trying to push me back into the field. He knew what would happen. And I was mortified he kept bringing that memory back up, I'd do anything to forget it. The only other person in the department who knew about it was Harry Potter which I hated, I absolutely hated. He'd been through far more than the rest of us in his life but you didn't see him having panic attacks now did you?

"You're better now though aren't you?" Beckett's gravelly voice interrupted my thoughts.

 _Better? Oh sure, they just waved a magic wand and *poof* my anxiety disappeared_.

"It's not quite that simple Beckett" I responded with a clipped smile. "I can function if I limit my stressors, healers orders."

"Limit your stressors? You've stopped everything bar work Llewellyn."

"What are you on about?" I didn't like the defensiveness I could hear creeping into my voice.

"Tell me, when's the last time you even went to the pub? Met with your friends? You tell me that". His grey eyes were boring into me and I started to chew on my lip in nervousness before freezing. It was an obvious tell of how I was feeling and the grim smirk on my superiors face already told me he'd noticed.

I brushed my lank hair back behind my ear to buy myself some time while I thought how to answer because damn him, I hadn't socialised for months.

"I've been busy Beckett. Catching law breakers. My record speaks for itself" which it did, he wouldn't be able to argue that at least.

" _You_ don't catch them though do you? You send others out to do it for you. Your team are good at bringing you the evidence but you're losing your touch with how people, criminals even, function. You need to get out Llewellyn, you need to start living."

Beckett had a reputation for brutal honesty but this was something I really didn't want to hear.

"I _am_ living!"

"You aren't. You get up, you work yourself into the ground, you go home. That's all you do. Get out more Llewellyn, that's _my_ order".

I was still staring, mouth agape, when the door to the training room closed behind him and leaving me alone. It took a few moment but then the trembling started as I felt the adrenaline surge through me.

 _How dare he? How_ dare _he?!_

I felt a furious rage course through me as I reached for the door, hand trembling as my body struggled to process the surge of adrenaline. Another delightful side effect of anxiety that I utterly despised. I stormed down the corridor to the showers, having to bite back a half smirk as I saw the clerk Benson cower away from me.

 _That's right world, even Hufflepuffs can be scary_.

It took until the end of my shower for my anger to leave me and in its wake I was hit by a ball of misery that sat heavy in my stomach. Because you see the thing is, Beckett was right. I _didn't_ socialise any more. The thought of having to go somewhere loud and crowded and plaster on a happy face when all I would feel was disgusting adrenaline and the urge to run coursing through me was not my idea of fun. And when I did do it, it exhausted me so much it impacted on my work. So I'd made work my priority. It hadn't been an over-night thing but gradually over the last year and a half that's what had happened.

I finished dressing and magically dried my hair straight so it fell into is usual plain mousy brown bob. That was me, plain, mousy, boring. I gazed at myself in the changing room mirror and tried to see something there I liked. Pale skin, a few faded freckles, a nose, a mouth, eyes – yep I had all the right parts, but I was utterly forgettable. That had actually worked in my favour when I was doing field work, I was so good at blending in because my features were so ordinary. I'd bought into being forgettable so much I felt that perhaps if I tried hard enough I really would disappear and who would notice? A few aurors sure but that would be it.

I was still wallowing in my own pity party as I walked back to my desk, that I completely missed who was hovering there waiting for me, notepad in hand, glasses in place and with a determined expression on his face. I failed to hide my groan of dismay when I did see him and he scowled.

"Look Llewellyn there's no need to be like that-"

"Honestly Weasley I am not in the mood for this" I cut over him, not even the slightest bit bothered I was being rude. "I wrote to you last week to say that it wasn't possible. Your department can't have those rooms, the auror department needs them."

Percy Weasley took in a deep breath, no doubt to repeat again the list of reasons why he disagreed.

"I mean it Weasley, those rooms are for aurors, our training of new recruits starts next week and we will not be giving up what little space we have to yet another overly beurocratic legal off shoot for a legal department that is already taking up obscene amounts of Ministry funds. Stop wasting Ministry time, and mine."

It was a tad harsher than I normally went for but hey, I was in a bad mood. Percy on the other hand had a deep red flush of anger creeping up his neck.

"You haven't heard the end of this Llewellyn. Not at all."

I'd prepared myself for a shouting match, not the cold anger of his response but before I could even think of putting the final word in he'd readjusted his glasses and stormed off.

I shrugged to myself as I sat at my desk, and tried to ignore the slight tremor in my hand as I picked up my quill. _Stupid adrenaline_. It happened after even the slightest verbal confrontation. How Beckett thought I was ready for the field again baffled me.

Trying to shrug off the uncomfortable conversation of that morning, I, as Beckett had annoyingly predicted, buried myself in my work. We'd received quite a few tip offs recently about some suspicious activity that we were sure now was the work of a couple of dark wizards. We'd received hundreds of owl messages from members of the public with what they thought were useful tips. Some of them undoubtedly were but the majority were a load of nonsense.

After four hours of reading through mostly rubbish, I rubbed a hand against my tired eyes before sitting up in a stretch, my shoulders cracking as I raised my arms. It was then I noticed the figure standing in front of my desk, and I blushed slightly at not having noticed them.

"Oh, hello Harry. Have you been there long? Sorry I didn't see, work you know…" I gestured lamely to the sheets of parchment in front of me.

Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived himself, just shook his head and smiled at me. After working together for three years he was used to me by now. I still felt uncomfortable that he knew the reason I no longer did field work but he at least had the courtesy not to mention it to me.

He lent in to whisper conspiratorially.

"I have a message".

"Aha a mystery, any clues or must I guess?"

"No need, I've been ordered to tell you direct. Hermione's law has just been passed, we're meeting in the Leaky Cauldron after work to celebrate. Mione said she doesn't want any fuss but we know she'd be disappointed if we did nothing."

"It passed? Oh I'm so pleased for her!" I beamed at Harry. And truly I really was. I'd gotten to know Hermione Granger in our last year at Hogwarts. I must admit I'd been a bit in awe of her after learning all of her exploits during the war but after a frantic year of N.E.W.T studying together we'd become friends. I sometimes still found it weird to think that we were. Before the war we'd moved in completely different circles but we'd all lost so many friends during the conflict, that the few of us from our years that had returned to Hogwarts had formed a close knit group.

Hermione really could have gone on to have whatever job she'd wanted but her focus was solely on improving the rights of other magical beings and she'd just had the first part of her House Elf Liberation legislation passed. This was a momentous day for her. I bit my lip. I really should go. Harry seemed to sense my reluctance.

"I've also been told to say that if you don't come, Ginny will tell everyone what really happened that day with Dominic Hartson".

A blush flushed across my face as my eyes widened in horror.

"She wouldn't!"

Harry just grinned at me. This was Ginny Weasley he was talking about, of _course_ she would.

I still couldn't think of that incident without wanting a hole in the ground to appear and swallow me up.

Dominic Hartson was a trainee medi-wizard who I had been on a total of three dates with leading up to this particularly embarrassing moment about six months ago. I had liked him well enough but was not particularly enamoured so I'd mentioned I'd like to keep seeing him but to take it slow. I wasn't ready for anything serious and he had smiled happily, and I had thought all was right. Until he'd invited me out to lunch the next week only for me to arrive and realise he'd brought his bloody _mother_ to meet me! I had sat through one excruciating cup of tea trying to make pleasantries before excusing myself to the bathroom. I was then caught by Mrs Hartson as I'd tried to escape out of the bathroom window. I don't particularly feel the need to elaborate further on just quite how mortifying and embarrassing that situation was.

I could still feel the heat radiating from my face as Harry waited for my answer.

" _Fine_. I'll go. You know she really didn't have to bribe me" I complained.

Harry was sensible enough not to reply to that bit.

"Great glad you can make it, I'll owl her now. We're meeting at the Leaky Cauldron at 7pm, see you there."

"Yeah great, bye Harry"

"Bye Non"

I waved him off vaguely, my thoughts annoyingly now stuck on Dominic Hartson. Six months since my last date. I let out a small sigh as I thought on it. Since graduating I hadn't had a proper boyfriend. A few dates here and there but nothing serious. It had been hard to think of anything serious after…I stopped that thought abruptly. Today was not the day to be thinking about Justin.

I'd always go through a little lull before trying again but it was always the same, after a few dates my nerve failed me and I bailed out. The stupid memory had also triggered a recollection of some other mortifying memories but given my ability to embarrass myself quite so brilliantly no matter the situation it was a wonder I didn't permanently have them on a loop in my brain. It always seemed that my mind waited until I was at my most unsure before it inflicted another memory on me.

Trying to push them to one side I glanced at my watch. It was coming up to 6pm. There was almost no point apparrating home to Wales just to get changed and then apparrate back to London. I had spare clothes in my locker and those would no doubt do for a meet up in the pub so I busied myself tidying my papers before I made a move to get ready.

It was only as I was pulling on my jacket that I stopped to think who actually might be there. Me, Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione definitely. I hoped Luna Lovegood would be there too and Susan Bones, it really had been far too long since I'd seen them. Seeing that Hermione was practically a Weasley given that she and Ron had been a couple for the last three years I then supposed some of the other Weasleys would be there. Upon that thought my stomach began to churn. What if the twins Fred and George were there? I felt my face heat up as one of my embarrassing memories resurfaced.

Weirdly this one didn't directly involve the Weasley twins but the thought of them always made me think of it. I had been nearly two years ago, Ginny's Quidditch team the Holyhead Harpies were playing in the league final, I'd just passed my auror training and Hermione had got a promotion and we'd all made the trip to north Wales to support Ginny and to hopefully have an extra thing to celebrate. The twins had also been there because Fred's then girlfriend Angelina Johnson was also playing.

The Holyhead Harpies won, and the celebrations were shall we say a bit wild. I can safely say I'd never been so drunk before or since. I mean I hadn't just been a drunk Non Llewellyn, I'd been a _drunk_ drunk Non Llewellyn. As in the type of drunk when an alternative personality seems to make an appearance and you have those blackout moments where no matter how hard you try and recall there are some parts of your evening that you will never remember. I swear the hangover guilt still hasn't left me.

I remember everything fairly well until we arrived in the last club. It was some small underground bar that comprised mainly of a dance floor, the type of dingy place where your shoes would stick to the floor as you moved but where the drink was cheap and the music was good. It's from that point on my memory gets very sketchy. I felt a flush of shame as I recalled what moments I could. I'd certainly danced with a man, kissed him too. As in I was plastered up against someone and he had his hands firmly on by backside as we practically had sex on the dance floor. I'm not even sure that's an exaggeration.

I'd woken up in the morning with absolutely no knowledge as to how I'd got to the hotel and my last memory of the night being me practically eating the face of some random man. I had never been so thankful not only to wake up fully clothed but alone. At least I knew I hadn't been that stupid.

Not that there's anything wrong with a casual hook up but ideally you would like to be in the frame of mind that not only do you remember what the person looked like but you also knew their name. I had nothing for my guy. I'd been absolutely mortified and was sure the others would have made fun of me. Luck however had been on my side. Luna, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Susan had all gotten so drunk they hadn't really remembered the last club either and they hadn't mentioned anything about me at all. The only people in the world who I knew who may possibly recall would be the Weasley twins but I couldn't even tell you for sure they'd been in that club. I hadn't actually seen them since that night so I hoped it was long enough ago that they wouldn't remember.

I shook my head at my own stupidity as I picked up my bag and looked at my flushed, embarrassed face in the locker room mirror. Why did I continuously torment myself over a memory that no one else remembered and even I couldn't recall properly? It was something I did to myself all too frequently. It was just the fear of the thought and feeling that I hadn't fully been in control I suppose that stuck with me. I hated it.

I glanced at my watch again. It was five to seven, I'd be there right on time.

The door to the Leaky Cauldron creaked welcomingly as I pushed it open. I heard my friends before I saw them, and I took a deep breath to steady myself as I felt my hand tremble slightly with nerves. I was so out of the habit of socialising it was ridiculous.

I tried to walk up to the table quietly but Ron put paid to that plan.

"Oi, Llewellyn" he bellowed. "Over here!"

As if I hadn't bloody seen them.

"Hi guys!" I called back as cheerfully as I could as I made my way over, ducking my head a bit as I tucked some of my hair behind my ear.

"Oh, you made it!" I was engulfed in an embrace and found myself with a mouth fool of hair.

"Hewo Homoni" I managed to garble out before she pulled back laughing as I sputtered. "I mean hello Hermione. Congratulations!"

The face of Hermione Granger beamed back at me, her dark brown eyes twinkling. Her hair was as crazy as ever but you could see happiness seeping out of her as she practically bounced where she stood.

"Thanks Non, and thanks for coming, it means so much."

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world" I said, and I did mean it. Despite my reservations earlier as I took my place at the table and Harry slid a butterbeer towards me, I remembered just how great my friends were. Seeing all the laughing faces around me brought back memories of our first year fresh out of Hogwarts. So young, so carefree before the realities of adulthood had set in. I'd really missed it.

"Oi you, stop day dreaming"

A pinch at my side had me squawking and I turned to my left to see the mischievous freckled face of one Ginny Weasley. I smacked her in the arm gently in response.

"Is it a Weasley thing that you can't greet people properly, whatever's wrong with a simple hello?"

"Oh Percy got all the manners, you know that" Ginny giggled, "I'm glad my threat worked and you're here though".

I blushed at the thought of Dominic Hartson and Ginny cackled at the sight.

"Oh come on Non it was months and months ago how are you still so embarrassed?"

"Oh Ginny don't it was awful. Do you know I saw him in Diagon Alley just last month and-"

"How was he? What did he say, did he want to see you again?" Ginny interrupted eagerly.

She picked up on my hesitation.

"Non Llewellyn, what did you do?" Ginny demanded.

"Well you see _I_ saw him, but _he_ didn't see me. I may have made a hasty escape into Madam Malkins"

A snort of laughter as Ginny took a swig of her butterbeer met my response and she gestured for me to continue, eyes laughing.

"And when I got in there I couldn't just then walk out after he'd gone by, how rude would that have been? I actually bought a whole new set of dress robes, not that I can even afford them either. Honestly Ginny I just couldn't say no."

"Well of course not, that would have just been rude" Ginny agreed solemnly. "Almost as rude as hiding from a man just because he fancies the pants off you" she added as I sipped my drink. Her giggle turned into a delighted cackle when I choked on it.

"He doesn't bloody fancy my Ginny!" I exclaimed but she just shrugged.

"He certainly did at one stage, bet he still does."

"Urgh I'd really rather not think about it Ginny. I mean honestly he brought his _mother_ on a date. Anyone sensible would be running for the hills."

"Well, I suppose you do have a point."

"An extremely valid one."

"Maybe."

" _Definitely_ " I insisted.

"Possibly" Ginny returned.

I'd just opened my mouth to try and get the last word in when I caught sight of a flash of red from the corner of my eye. I froze momentarily having worried it was the Weasley twins before relaxing when I realised it was Susan Bones. My jaw dropped however when I saw who she was with.

"Is that…is that _Ernie Macmillan_ with Susan?" I asked out loud as those nearest me laughed.

"Oh yes. They've been dating for what, two months now?" Harry of all people replied to me.

"Two months? And no one told me? Harry you see me nearly every day" I whined.

"You never asked. How was I supposed to remember?" He looked genuinely confused.

"I'm not a mind reader Harry. This is news. Friends share news." I explained as I would to a three year old as Ginny laughed so I poked her in the side.

"Hey you didn't tell me either!"

"I wanted to tell you in person. I just haven't been able to _see_ you for some reason. Why is that, hmm?"

I tried to ignore her pointed look as Harry just rolled his green eyes and shook his head at me. I was luckily saved from having to answer as more people arrived to wish Hermione well. I felt an irrational lurch of fear as I saw the Weasley twins were part of the new group, their hideous dragon skin jackets making them impossible to ignore and I sought an excuse to leave the table momentarily. I was nothing but consistent in my ability to do what I could to avoid embarrassing situations.

Noting Ron was now holding court at the bar I excused myself and made a beeline for him.

"…and so you see it was really down to me to apprehend him" Ron was finishing off one of his many auror tales clearly to a rapt audience at the bar. He loved telling a story, no matter the embellishments. Given the crowd around him he'd clearly been holding court for a while so I reached up and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Oi Weasley, a word please."

Ron shot me a slightly irritated look while I just smiled sweetly in return. He made his excuse of auror business to the patrons of the bar before he followed me to a few steps away.

"May I give you some friendly advice?" I asked as sincerely as I could and he scowled at me.

"Even when I say no that's never stopped you before. What do you want Llewellyn?"

"Now Ron don't be like that, I have but one thing to say. This is Hermione's evening, go make it about her."

He stared as me suspiciously for a long moment.

"That it?" he grunted.

"Yes". He didn't look like he believed me. "Honestly Ron I swear."

You could almost see the cogs turning in his head before he nodded shortly at me once and walked off towards Hermione's table. My shoulders relaxed slightly to see he'd taken the hint.

"Right so just how did you make ickle Ronniekins listen to you?" a voice spoke to my left as an arm was flung over my shoulder making me jump slightly. I turned to find myself looking into the face of a Weasley twin. But which one? I tried to be subtle as I took in his full appearance desperately looking for ears and seeing that there were two. So this one was Fred. His grin widened as he caught on to what I was doing.

"Why I'm sure I don't know Fred" I stuttered slightly as I shrugged out from under his arm. A different arm quickly took its place.

"Now I'm sure that's not true. I think we need to interrogate her" this time a voice to my right, and I didn't even need to look to see that it was the other twin.

"I think you're right George" Fred agreed as he flung his own arm back over my shoulder and they steered me towards the bar.

"Oh definitely. We can't let this one get away without an answer" the second twin agreed. "Nice t-shirt" George added when I turned to look at him and he grinned cheerfully down at me, his eyes sparkling with mischief. I flushed red. What on earth did he mean by that? It was just a plain black one.

"Oi Tom, three butterbeers please" Fred called before adding in a whisper, "unless the lady wants a firewhisky?" I was faced with another Weasley twin grin.

I flushed again.

"N-no thanks, I'm actually fine for a drink" I managed to squeak out and they both looked delighted and shared a look. Anyone who was anyone knew that when the Weasley twins started looking at each other like that it was time to make your escape.

"I was actually just on my way to the bathroom, if you'll just excuse me."

 _That's right Non, revert to extreme politeness to extricate yourself, what a classic Llewellyn move._ If I could have rolled my eyes at myself I would have.

"Oh dear I think we're frightening her off" said George.

"It would seem so" Fred agreed solemnly.

"Don't run" George pleaded extravagantly. "We don't bite."

"Honest" they finished in unison, grinning at me as I just gaped at them.

 _C'mon Llewellyn, at least think of_ something _to say back_. But I had nothing.

George at last took pity on my gaping like a fish changing his wicked grin into a softer smile.

"Just teasing. Hey we've met before right?" he looked faintly puzzled.

"Yes of course" I answered as though it was obvious before realising my mistake.

"Of course? But when?" Fred asked matching his twin's puzzled expression.

 _Don't mention north Wales, don't mention north Wales_ I repeated the mantra to myself.

"Oh well I work with Ron, I'm friends with Ginny…" I trailed off and waved my hand vaguely as though that explained it. Neither of them seemed convince.

"So right, yes, I'll be going. Lovely to meet you."

I beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom as I walked up to the sink and sank my head onto the mirror on the wall as I groaned in embarrassment. I was such an utter idiot. I took a few moments to gather myself before I stood up straight. I'd blushed so brightly that the mirror had actually steamed up slightly where my hot head had touched it. It was like I was cursed.

I gazed at myself critically just in case I'd actually spilled something on my t-shirt which would have warranted the comment from George but there was nothing. I thought it over furiously replaying the conversation before the reality hit me. They had been _flirting_. They had to have been, the twins were notorious for their light hearted banter and it had completely gone over my head. I was such an idiot.

"Whose an idiot?" a soft voice asked and I span around with a gasp, hand clutching at my chest. My jumpiness, I reminded myself, was yet another reason why I was a desk auror and not a field agent.

"Merlin Luna!" my face broke into a smile even as I reprimanded her, "You scared me".

"Sorry Non" she smiled softly back at me. She was almost swaying where she stood as though she was listening to a music no one else could hear and my heart filled with happiness to see her. There was just something about Luna that made me feel better. I had no problem in admitting I adored her. Luna Lovegood made me calm, it was just such a pity she was always off on research projects for the Quibbler that I hardly saw her. I stepped forward to give her a hug.

"I've missed you" I mumbled quietly as she hugged me back for a moment before stepping back to look at me critically with her big silver eyes.

"The Nargles have got you" she said softly, her gaze having moved to look somewhere above my head.

I rolled my eyes up trying to see what she could.

"Nargles? Not Wrackspurts?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh no, definitely Nargles."

Luna seemed so sure I didn't quite know what to say next.

"Um Luna how – how do I get rid of them?"

Luna tilted her head to the side as she considered me.

"Time" she said simply with a shrug and I frowned slightly in annoyance.

"What, nothing quicker?" I complained but she just wagged her finger at me knowingly.

"Stop being so impatient. I'm going back out to the bar, are you coming? Ronald was about to tell us all a story about Hermione. I bet it will be hilarious."

Non had to fight to stop herself pulling a face. Ron and hilarious weren't often two words she would put together even if he did have his funny moments, but he'd always seemed quite the comedian to Luna.

"Okay sure, let's go."

I gazed apprehensively into the bar area from behind the slight figure of Luna Lovegood, and breathed a sigh of relief to see the Weasley twins were now at the far side of the table with Harry and Ginny. Feeling like danger had been averted I followed Luna obediently and was pleased to see that Arthur Weasley had joined the gathering.

Mr Weasley often called down to the auror department with his reports on any dark magic activity having been apparent in muggle baiting with compromised artefacts and of course he liked to catch up with Ron and Harry. Hearing about my muggle upbringing he often asked me questions when he could see Harry was too busy to help him and I was happy to oblige. His latest fascination were CDs and he beamed as he saw me.

"Non! Been meaning to talk to you, see I found a collection of those TDs the other day…" and before I could get a word in Mr Weasley was off describing his find. You would think he had found buried treasure. I couldn't help but smile at him.

I spoke with Mr Weasley for quite a while before he had to make his apologies to get home to Mrs Weasley. I was momentarily on my own and I took in the sight of my friends, all chatting happily with Hermione at the centre absolutely beaming. She'd worked so hard and for so long to get this law passed you could see it meant everything to her to have made such an achievement. What I was unaware though now that my safety buffer of Mr Weasley had departed I was left exposed.

I sighed lightly as I turned to scan the bar and came face to face with Percy Weasley.

"Argh!"

"Oh honestly Llewellyn" Percy huffed at me and I tried to hide a laugh. It had honestly been an involuntary response.

"Sorry Percy, you surprised me that's all, it was supposed to have been more of an Ah! Not an Argh" I explained. He clearly didn't believe me.

"Never mind that now I just wondered while we're here if I could just quickly run this proposal by you about those rooms…."

And Percy Weasley was off. Even when I groaned in genuine annoyance he was not off put. I even resorted to trying to interrupt him but he'd clearly prepped himself from earlier in the day.

"Excuse me Percy but-"

"..and of course it would work to both of our advantage if I had the space to work there, you could still use it on certain days but we could then of course utilise the spare time for the resources of my…"

"But Percy if-"

"…department. Given the new law they're working on my team really does need the space. You would hardly know we were there. It's the only logical choice Llewellyn."

"No Percy."

"You weren't even listening!"

"I did, the answer is no."

"You didn't, you can't have. If you did you'd follow to the logical conclusion and agree with me."

Merlin, he could be smug. I started to get annoyed.

"Look Percy, I've been perfectly patient, this is my evening off, and I made myself perfectly clear earlier."

Percy Weasley just glared at me before he started up again. I could feel the noise of the pub pressing around me as I tried to block him out and the shaking in my arms were starting up. I couldn't take much more of this. I exploded.

"PERCY WEASLEY! What part of no do you not understand?" I finished in an irritated hiss.

Percy for his part looked flabbergasted. He adjusted his glasses a couple of times.

"Well honestly Non if you're going to be like that there's just no reasoning with you" he sniffed haughtily before turning on his heel and leaving me seething.

I tried counting backwards from ten but I could already tell by the adrenaline coursing through me it would take me too long to calm down. Glancing over the table I saw everyone pretend not to be looking at me and I had to fight not to roll my eyes. Nosy buggers. And I had yet another Non Llewellyn embarrassing memory to add to my ever growing collection. Hermione at last caught my eye and I waved at her before pointing to the door to indicate I was leaving. She smiled her understanding.

"Bye guys" I called, half hoping they wouldn't hear me but they of course did.

"Bye Non, see you _soon_ " Ginny called, I wasn't quite sure if that was a threat.

"Oi Llewellyn, I'll beat you next week" Ron bellowed.

"Don't go in to work on the weekend" Harry added and I just rolled my eyes at them and waved as I exited the pub.

It was cool for a July night and I shivered slightly as I stopped to put on my jacket before apparating home.

I heard a slight increase in noise as the door to the Leaky Cauldron opened again.

"Oi, you forgot your drink."

Confused I turned around to see Fred Weasley looking at me expectantly, butterbeer in hand.

"Oh, right" Oops. "Sorry about that. Maybe another time…." I trailed off vaguely as he grinned back.

"Alright, we'll hold you to that"

 _We._ Of course, he wouldn't be doing anything without George. If it was possible, since the war and Fred's close shave with death the twins had been closer than ever.

"Say, what was your name again?"

"Oh, Non."

"Ah c'mon, you can tell me. What is it?"

"Non" I said slowly as though speaking to an idiot because really, how dense was Fred Weasley being?

"That's a bit rude of you".

I blinked in surprise.

"Er, what? My name _is_ Non, what else did you want me to say?"

It was Fred Weasley's turn to blink before he grinned at me again. He really did grin an awful lot.

"Say, are you French?" he seemed far too interested in getting an answer.

"Uh no, I'm Welsh."

I'd had enough of the Weasley idiocy that night, my anger with Percy still present. I got out my wand to apparate.

"Wait no! Do you-"

Whatever Fred Weasley was going to ask me I didn't discover as I felt myself as though squeezed into a tight tube as I apparated home.

I walked up to my cottage door and with a murmur of a spell unlocked it. Stepping in to my house I felt all the tension I'd been carrying fall form my shoulders. Home. There was nothing like it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 2

Saturday morning was a struggle. I'd slept in until near noon, almost unheard of for me and I pottered about the house for a bit as I waited for the cotton wool like feeling to leave my brain.

This always seemed to happen when an overload of adrenaline left my body, I was always so tired the day after. Still I couldn't look back at the evening before with any real regret; I had enjoyed myself the Percy incident aside.

I decided to take Harry's advice (I pretended to myself it wasn't an instruction) and I didn't go into the office. Instead I took advantage of the bright July day to get out into the garden. Gardening was a bit of a passion of mine that I'd picked up from my muggle mother and as I surveyed my vegetable patch I felt an inner gleam of pleasure.

My potatoes were doing brilliantly, with the garden peas and runner beans just hitting their stride as their wondering fronds made their way up the climbers I'd arranged for them. Neat rows of carrots and beetroot were just starting to emerge and my lettuce patch was nearly ready to start picking. That then was the muggle part of my garden.

Heading down the path, studiously ignoring the weeds poking through the flagstones, I made my way to the bottom of the garden. Here is where I kept my greenhouse full of the magical plants that would be harmful should any muggles accidently come calling by. It was a great store for all of the herbs and plants I needed for any potions that were required.

After glancing inside to make sure all was well I headed to the 'wild' patch and caught sight of two garden gnomes running for cover and I giggled to myself. I'd try to come to an agreement with them after my last mass eviction of them. So long as they stayed in this part and left my vegetables alone I was happy. Amazingly they seemed to be sticking to our pact.

Just further beyond them was the start of a small copse of trees. I was pretty sure a Bowtruckle family had recently moved in but it had been over a week since I'd seen any signs so I wasn't sure. There had however been a steady mound of woodlouse carcases forming in little piles so I was taking it as a very good sign. The more magical things I could get in my garden the happier I would be.

So my Saturday passed in fairly relaxing fashion but as Sunday rolled around I started to get fidgety. There was only so much relaxation I could do before my brain rebelled against me and started to over think in directionsI _really_ didn't like it going. It was one of the reasons I normally kept myself so busy with work.

I had a few locked doors in my mind that I purposefully kept that way but when I was alone, every now and then one of those doors would wobble. On this day it was the war door. Not the battle itself, I hadn't been at Hogwarts for the final showdown, but the year that built up to it. The year I came of age. The worst year of my life. Having a muggle mother and a muggle born wizard father had found me in a precarious blood status position.

Trust me when I say having Snatchers in your life was not good. At all.

By the time Monday morning rolled around I was near tearing my hair in frustration to get back to work and to occupy my brain. It was strange that even though we were tracking dark wizards who had themselves been involved in the war, I was able to keep it all separate. The war was then, a time to be forgotten. They however were now, people to be hunted, arrested and locked up for good.

The auror department was fairly quiet when I arrived, and I hurried over to the drinks table to pour myself a large mug of tea before the rest started to filter in. Only two other aurors were in my line of sight, Jessica Tobin and Patrick Gilden, both were working their own cases so I didn't have much to do with them, so after a brief hello I settled at my desk waiting for my team to arrive.

I say my team, but I wasn't officially the leader. I suppose Harry was the unofficial leader of our little section but given that I was permanently office based I'd certainly taken the lead of some of the threads of our investigations.

We'd been on the case of what muggle police had put down as smuggling occurring on the eastern Scottish coast. It was near some obscure little fishing village but there had been enough signs of magic that we'd had to send up an investigation team. If it hadn't been for the dead fish we'd found we would never have suspected any magical wrongdoing and would have attributed the damage to muggles but the thing is, the fish were inside out. Literally turned inside out. I'd seen the photos, it was disgusting, but there was no way a muggle could have done it. If anything it looked like experimental magic, and something only a truly depraved witch or wizard would wish to master.

It was the fifth case of experimental dark magic we had come across in the last year. I pondered that as I swished my wand to send a red marker on to the map to note this new location. There'd been one on Anglesey, Blackpool, Dover, Brighton and now right up in Scotland. I frowned as I considered it.

There seemed no obvious pattern to the places, they were just random areas in the UK. The one obvious thing of course was that they were all on the coast but there appeared no other direct link. It was just another maddening seemingly dead end.

We had a list up on the wall of the outstanding Death Eaters. In the two years after the war we had caught most of them and taken great pleasure in crossing their names out, but there was one who was stubbornly outstanding and we hadn't heard even the slightest whisper of him. Rabastan Lestrange. His name still stood out in clear letters as though mocking us. I hated looking at it, it was a reminder of our continued failure and it was horrible to think that he was still out there somewhere.

Ron was convinced he had escaped abroad and that he was no longer our problem but Harry and I weren't so sure. His brother Rodolphous had been recaptured after the Battle of Hogwarts and placed back in Azkaban and aside from Voldemort if there was one person we knew Rabastan to be devoted to it was his brother.

To know there was such an evil person walking free… I had to supress a shiver. Thinking about Rabastan Lestrange always made me feel uneasy.

I had apparently been gazing at the wall too long for the liking of some. I jolted to awareness as a package came flying in my direction and I caught it just before it smacked me in the face.

I scowled in the direction it had come from.

"Mrogngh Mon, bwrfst frr oo."

I blinked.

"I don't know whether I should be more disgusted with you speaking with your mouth full or the fact that I understood you, but thanks for breakfast."

My scowl quickly changed into a smile as I saw what was inside and Ron chuckled at my delight, before he swallowed his food noisily.

"It's a skill to understand me Non, don't knock it. Mione thought you might like that, she says thanks again for coming to the pub".

Ah Hermione, of course. I had thought it weird that Ron would remember how much I loved bagels and cream cheese. I was just summoning a napkin from the food station when Harry arrived, robes askew and his hair as messy as ever.

"Tell Hermione thank you for me." I said to Ron.

"Why don't you just tell her yourself?" Harry questioned and I blinked, a bit surprised by the question. "You know Ron's not likely to remember" he added, ignoring an annoyed "Oi!" from his best friend.

I blinked again. That was very true, really there was no arguing with Harry's logic.

"You are wise in the ways of the Weasley oh Master Potter, I defer to your expertise."

Harry rolled his eyes at my teasing and as I bit into my bagel he snatched at an internal memo that had just appeared zooming to settle above his head. He pulled a face.

"New trainee start date has been delayed by a month."

My jaw dropped in outrage and Harry pulled a face.

"Sometimes Llewellyn you are more disgusting than Ron. No honestly, that's not easy to do."

I hastily shut my mouth to hide the half eaten food as I chewed furiously before I could respond.

"Well that's disappointing," Ron grumbled "I'd been working on all my best stories to scare them, you know give them a proper welcome to what it is to be an auror."

I finished chewing and rolled my eyes.

"Yes Ron, because nothing says welcome like that. This is a problem though, we're already short on numbers, is there any reason for the delay?"

Harry just shook his head, absentmindedly rubbing the middle of his forehead more out of habit than any indication of pain.

I sat back with a huff thinking of our staffing problem. We had a group or aurors permanently assigned to guarding senior employees of the Ministry. That was their set job that they worked out between themselves and our investigating team had little to do with them.

Then we had the rota to work at Azkaban. Even though we were all happier that the Dementors were no longer in charge of the prison having to now guard the prisoners there with aurors had made a serious dent in the numbers we had to carry out all other investigating and arrests. We all had to take our turn to guard the prison as well. It was easily the worst part of the job.

I was still mulling over our lack of numbers when I recalled the dead fish report and I smirked to myself as I saw Ron finish his food.

"Hey guys look at this, experimental dark magic, what do you think?"

I got up and shoved the picture of the inside out fish in front of them. Ron turned a distinctive shade of green.

"Screw you Llewellyn, couldn't that have waited until later?" Ron sat back in annoyance as Harry chuckled loudly before his face took on a serious expression.

"This is not good. How many is it now?"

"Five." I replied immediately. "All on the coast, all with different outcomes and no other apparent link."

"We're going to have to go through each of the cases again I think, see if we missed something…" Harry trailed off unhappily although I knew that task would largely fall to me.

"I'm on it. Bit quiet my end at the minute, Hopkiss and Monart still haven't brought me anything new." I frowned as I said it. It was very strange for them actually. They were my go to aurors. They went out to investigate, obtain the evidence and then bring it back here for me to sort through.

"Oh I saw them earlier, they'd dropped stuff off for Gilden I think."

"What?!" I scrambled in my seat to lever my head up over the partition of my desk and sure enough Gilden was now nowhere to be seen.

Harry eyed me thoughtfully before he continued.

"They can report to others, can't they?" He was not successful in hiding his smile.

"Of course," I sniffed, "I just wish someone had told me is all."

Ron rolled his eyes at me as he stood and stretched.

"You know you could just go out and get information yourself Llewellyn."

He ignored my returning scowl as he adjusted his robes, belched and then picking up his wand he made to leave the office, Harry trailing after him.

"I hope you get rained on!" I shouted at their retreating backs but they just laughed.

My Monday passed under a mound of paperwork as I frustratingly trawled through the first five cases of experimental dark magic but if there was any link between them I was at a loss to find it.

Tuesday was still devoid of Hopkiss and Monart so I devoted my day to training. On top of weakly duelling training we also had the option of top up practice in stealth, fitness and toxic response. I'm not going to lie, fitness was probably my weakest area by far but I still enjoyed it. When I didn't want to think, which was often, it was a welcome distraction.

However when Wednesday rolled around, after I'd filed yet another maintenance report from Azkaban about a fault in the shield wall (we were assured it was nothing serious, just your typical minor glitch given the size of the place) I was ready to scream. Hopkiss and Monart had re-appeared only to tell me they could only report to Aurors Gilden and Tobin. They also wouldn't tell me on whose orders that was on but it wasn't hard to narrow the list down to one. Head Auror Beckett.

I glowered darkly at his closed office door while I pondered whether to go and confront him. I even got as close as standing outside his door when I remembered his words from last week.

 _Get out more Llewellyn, that's_ my _order._

I chewed on my lip, mulling it over. I didn't think one trip to the pub would be enough to have me back in his good graces. I was getting desperate though, it was approaching the point I either ask Belkin what minor infractions had come in (which no Auror ever wanted to deal with) or do some archiving. Neither were appealing.

Trying to buy myself some time I decided to pop up to the legal department to see Hermione. I still hadn't thanked her for the bagels and I knew she'd appreciate it coming from me in person. The fact it may earn me some brownie points from Beckett was also not lost on me.

I walked quickly from the Auror department before anyone could notice as I was now technically skiving. The corridor to the department was largely deserted at this time in the morning as after checking in most aurors were back out on their daily tasks. I waited at the lift entrance and when it arrived I was glad to see it was mainly empty. Giving a courteous nod of acknowledgement to the other two occupants I quickly announced to the lift where I wanted to go and then set myself for the jerky ride.

The other two occupants lurched to the side but I allowed myself to relax enough to follow the lifts speedy movements without too much trouble as I mentally prepared myself for the legal department. It was always absolutely bustling with people, a hive of activity but as the lift announced the arrival at the correct floor and I took a step out I was not prepared for the mayhem that faced me.

Ministry workers were madly rushing about the place with precarious piles of papers, the usual drone of voices that people fought to keep quiet had been abandoned for outright shouting.

"Here, Marcy, do you have that memo yet?"

"Watch yourself Thompson can't you see that I'm here? Move it Rogers!"

"If we don't get this done by close then Farrell will have my head"

Mouth slightly agape I took it all in. What on earth was happening here? I quietly stepped forward and weaved my way through the bustling people as I made my way to Hermione's office. I got cast a few irritated glances but for the most part I appeared to slip by unnoticed. Knocking on Hermione's door I waited for her quiet "come in" before I walked into a room that was a beacon of calm and as I closed the door behind me the furore of the department was immediately silenced. She'd charmed the room then.

"Hi Mione" I greeted her quietly, smiling at how she looked. Frazled hair in a messy bun, but her legal robes suited her and with the mounds of books and neat writing on reams of parchment in front of her Hermione Granger looked in her element and it was lovely to see.

"Non! Oh it's good to see you. How are you? Here have a seat."

"Thanks. I've been meaning to pop up all week. Thanks for the bagels."

"Oh it was nothing" Hermione said dismissively, waving a hand.

"No it was nice, thank you. Although I was relieved to hear it was you that sent them, for one second I thought Ron had had a blow to the head or something."

Hermione snorted.

"Well it would take something like that wouldn't it?"

She'd tried to laugh as she'd said it but there was a sharp undercurrent to her words. I shifted uncomfortably as I sought for a change of topic, my light hearted comment had clearly fallen a bit way off the mark.

"Say it's a bit mental out there, what on earth is going on?"

Hermione pulled a face.

"Merlin knows. Nearly every senior employee has been taken from other projects to work on whatever it is, that's why it's so problematic. There's no actual junior employees to do the admin work for them and it's carnage out there."

"Senior employees? That sounds like it's something pretty major. Why just _senior_ ones?" Something about that really didn't sit right with me and from the darkening of Hermione's expression she was clearly of the same mind.

"I don't know," her frustration was clear, "all I've managed to glean is that it's going to be something fairly momentous. I overheard two witches talking in the bathroom they mentioned 'biggest ministry change in three centuries'. They noticed I was there then and hurried out. I've even tried asking Percy, you know how he can be, but nothing. In fact he evaded my question entirely when he usually loves to point it out when he knows things the rest of us don't."

I frowned slightly taking all of it in. Now that _was_ weird about Percy. He'd mellowed since the war but he was still a bit pompous when it suited him. And now that I thought on it he had mentioned something about a new law in the pub on Friday.

"I reckon I might have a bit of leverage with Percy, he wanted our rooms downstairs until things settled down up here. I'll see if he'll agree a trade; rooms for information."

"Well I hope it works. If you find _anything_ out it would be a help. This department is driving me crazy. Hey I'm escaping at lunch to meet Ginny in Diagon Alley at one o'clock. Want to come? I think she'll have Teddy with her."

A grin lit up my face. I adored Teddy Lupin. Mine had been one of the first names he's been able to say, I conveniently ignored the fact that as mine was a single syllable it was by far the easiest, and I crowed about it mercilessly when Ginny was being particularly obnoxious about my dating life. Merlin knows I loved that witch but she really did like to interfere.

"Yes that would be great. I'd been meaning to owl her actually, I was getting the full passive aggressive treatment from her on Friday, I think I've got to make amends."

Hermione's answering laugh did not reassure me but I chuckled along.

"Well yeah Non you've been pretty hard to get hold of you know. We've missed you. Are you…is everything all right?"

The quiet seriousness in her voice washed over me as I thought how to answer. I normally brushed off questions of concerns but my hiatus from the social scene was one that was hard to give an excuse for, but I wasn't really sure where to begin. I hadn't told them about my PTSD diagnosis or the anxiety that came with it although I was sure they suspected the anxiety at least. Before I could answer the door to her room burst opened revealing an incredibly flustered wizard, arms full of loose bundles of parchment.

He cast an irritated glance around the room, clearly he was in the wrong place but he froze when he saw me.

"Hey why are you here? Did you sign in?"

His confrontational tone had me fighting against the urge to sink bank in my seat away from him and I found my auror spine and sat up straight.

"I hadn't realised I needed to, since when was that a requirement?"

"It was quite clearly sent around the departments last month!"

"Well it missed the Auror department" I responded coolly before I gathered my robes and stood up, something wasn't right here and I didn't want to get Hermione into trouble as I could see her chewing on her index finger a confused frown on her forehead.

"Thank you Granger for your assistance, I've got what we need now." I was pleased to note Hermione managed to keep her face neutral at my words, and nodding a brisk farewell to her and the angry faced wizard I left the room, I could only hope that had defused the situation. If I'd accidently broken some legal department protocol I didn't want her to be punished. I made my way back down the corridor to the lift before pausing to bend down as though checking my shoes. Casting a quick glance behind me, I saw the wizard leave Hermione's office and heading in the opposite direction.

As I straightened I made a beeline for the reception desk and had to hide a wince as I recognised the witch sat there. I couldn't tell you her name, my one memory of her was her kindly stopping me in the Ministry lobby to point out that on that particular day I'd tucked my skirt into my knickers after a trip the bathroom. She was however staring at my vacantly so I surmised she didn't recognise me and I for one was definitely not going to remind her of it. I'd not worn skirts for months afterwards.

"Hello" I said as brightly as I could muster, "I need to see Percy Weasley; we need a protocol update for a case. Auror business" I added as her face had remained neutral. At my last words she huffed slightly before moving to fill out a form.

"Busy hey?" I tried to make small talk but all I got in response was a stiff nod.

"Here," she snapped, shoving some parchment at me. "Here's your pass, Weasley is ten doors down, on the right."

"Um, thanks-"

"You have ten minutes then you'll have to leave," the reception witch interrupted and I was momentarily flabbergasted. What in Merlin's beard was happening in the legal department?

"Oh-oh okay, thank you. I best get to it then." I smiled at her but she'd already turned her attention back to the parchment in front of her.

 _Wow, and I thought the Auror department could be unfriendly to visitors…_

Not wanting to waste my few precious minutes I hurried down the corridor before halting outside Percy Weasley's door. I wasn't quite sure how I should handle this conversation given the last time we met I'd shouted at him. I decided perhaps the best course of action was to pretend that had never happened and stealing myself by taking a deep breath I knocked on the door.

"Enter!" Percy's muffled voice answered my knock.

"Hello Percy!"

I think I may have been a bit too cheerful as I entered the room. Percy's curly hair was frazzled, it was in fact the only part of him I could see over the mounds of parchment in front of me. His head popped up and he glared at me.

"You."

"Um, yes, hello?" I gave a nervy wave.

"What do you want?" he snapped. He was clearly still very displeased with me. "I'm exceptionally busy."

"Why yes, that is actually what I wanted to talk to you about." I had walked further into the room and was going to try and sit before I noticed there was no available surface so I stood awkwardly trying to fight the urge to duck my head and tuck my hair behind my ear as Percy continued to glare. Sustained scrutiny I did not like. I decided my best chance was just to plough on through.

"Look Percy, I was thinking about what you'd said about the spare rooms we have. As luck would have it, our trainees aren't starting just yet anymore and-"

"Why have they been delayed?"

I took a deep breath at the interruption.

"No idea. But look it means we don't need the rooms yet so it could be that I can arrange for you to use them."

" _Could_? I suppose you want something in return."

Curse Percy he was sharp. Oh well, there was no point in lying to him.

"Yes actually. I need to know what this new law being pushed through is. You tell me that and the rooms are yours for a month."

I could see he was tempted. I resisted the urge to clench my fists in my nervousness as he made his mind up.

"No."

I blinked.

"What, that's it? A full month Percy, you've been asking for this for weeks."

"Well exactly. I needed that access weeks ago, and now I don't- that is to say I've learnt to cope without them."

 _I see your hesitation Percy Weasley. What are you hiding?_

" _Don't?_ Is the law that close to finalising then?"

"I couldn't tell you, I'm not working on it." His voice didn't waiver but his ears had turned pink.

 _Why you little liar…_

"Percy. I'm a trained auror. Don't lie to me."

He started to rearrange his papers and purposefully looked away from me.

"Well if that'll be all Llewellyn you may as well go, as you can see I'm very busy."

"C'mon Percy just tell me. If it's passing into law so soon what can it hurt just to tell me now?"

Adjusting his glasses Percy Weasley paused and took the opportunity to actually consider my request. I held my breath, praying he would at least give me a hint.

He opened his mouth once, then closed it again, his brow now furrowed. I was painfully aware my ten minutes were ticking down. He finally spoke.

"It's being announced on Saturday. That's all I can tell you, _trust_ me Llewellyn when I say I'll be fired if I even breathe a word more."

There was something in Percy's tone of voice that worried me. He actually looked like he wanted to tell, and a frustrated look of dissatisfaction settled on to his face. I felt very uneasy.

"It's bad then?"

The only change in Percy's face was the slight clenching of his jaw and I decided to relent. He clearly couldn't, rather than wouldn't, say anymore.

"Right yes, you can't say. Sorry then Percy, to have bothered you."

My hand was on the handle of the door when he spoke again.

"Non, look if you need-"

What it might be that I may need I didn't find out as at that accursed moment my ten minutes was up as my visitation slip gave a wail of alarm before it flew from my grasp to expire in a burst of flames.

"You need to go Llewellyn".

I cursed inwardly. The interruption had stopped him from saying something that I had no doubt was important. I ground my teeth in frustration as I waved goodbye to him and stomped my way back down the corridor to the lift.

There was something _seriously_ wrong with the legal department.

After my trip to the legal department it didn't take long for one o'clock to roll around and I quickly hurried to the atrium to meet with Hermione before we took a floo connection to Diagon Alley. As it was a mid-week lunch time, the alley was busy without being overly crowded and I released a pent up sigh of apprehension as I realised this. There were more people around than I liked but certainly it wasn't so busy that I couldn't cope.

Walking along with Hermione she was telling me about the latest book she had ordered from Flourish and Blotts, it was a legal text book which as hard as I tried I couldn't muster her level of enthusiasm about. It did remind me though that there was a new hex defence book due to be released, I ought to call in to the shop to pre-order it. Being an auror was a continuous development process I had come to realise, you never stopped learning. It had come as a shock to a fair few of the trainees our first year and needless to say they hadn't been the type to stay the course.

We reached the tea shop and could see that Ginny had managed to snag a table outside, making the most of the sunny summers day. The cream parasol erected over the table provided enough protection from the strength of the sun but it was nice to be able to sit outside and soak up the warmth. Ginny's red hair was tied up today which was unusual for her, she usually only put it up when playing quidditch, but as I clocked the four year old by her, hands covered in ice cream it didn't take me long to figure out why she'd done it this time.

I was a bit apprehensive when I sat down after I'd said hello to Ginny. I'd been excited to see Teddy again when the thought hit me that he was only four and I hadn't seen him for months. Would he even remember me?

"Hi Non, glad you could tag along" Ginny smiled at me before nudging the dark haired toddler to her right. "Hey Teddy, look who it is?"

The adorable Teddy Lupin looked up, momentarily distracted from his puddle of ice cream and contemplated me quietly for a few moments. He had changed a bit since last I saw him and whilst his hair was still dark his eyebrows were decidedly ginger and his eyes were now brown when last time I'd seen him they'd been blue. His metamorphmagus ability was really starting to show.

"Hi Teddy" I greeted him fairly quietly with a gentle smile. "Remember me?"

Teddy responded with a bright chubby cheeked grin.

"Non Non!"

I laughed, ridiculously relieved I had not been forgotten and didn't mind at all when he slid from his seat to make his was over to me to be picked up, messy hands and all.

"Got it one Teddy Teddy".

His childish giggle met my ears as he clambered up my legs to settle on my lap, and he started to inform me quite seriously about his and Ginny's day so far. I was amazed at how well he could speak now and I could see Ginny smiling at him fondly. Ginny and Harry often helped Andromeda Tonks out with looking after Teddy and as it was the off season from quidditch Ginny was making the most of her time off to help.

As we ordered a light lunch from the passing waiter, Teddy's story half held my attention as Ginny and Hermione caught up, but I couldn't help but survey Diagon Alley and the people passing by as though looking for danger. There didn't seem to be any suspicious activity but I monitored passers-by just in case.

"Non, stop working."

"Hmm?" I asked distractedly not really hearing as my eyes followed two wizards arguing over a package. The paper covering ripped to reveal a box of quills and my shoulders relaxed slightly in relief.

" _Honestly_ ", I clocked the exasperated voice as Ginny's as I turned to her guiltily. "You are actually worse than Harry."

"Wow hey now that's a bit much", I complained but Ginny just crossed her arms. "I have never to this day mistaken a pygmy puff as a disguised detonator."

Ginny's lip twitched as she fought a smile. Harry had done that in his first year. In his defence the pygmy puff had gotten itself stuck in a muggle traffic cone and was as such causing it to move sporadically down the road but still, it was a good one to tease him about.

"Fine", Ginny relented as Hermione giggled, "But for not paying us sufficient attention you are helping me pick stuff up at the twins. It's a nightmare going into the shop with Teddy on my own."

Teddy was oblivious as he had taken to drawing on a napkin with some crayons Ginny had put out for him. I tried to still the nerves that had bloomed in my stomach at the mention of the twins. I fought against grinding my teeth in annoyance. This reaction was stupid and irrational.

"Alright," I agreed decisively, "I've not been to the shop for ages, it'll be nice to see it." I sounded a lot more confident than I felt.

After we'd finished up our sandwiches Hermione had to make a move back to the office. I'd told both of them how Percy had been and I could see a concerned frown settle on her face as she gathered her things together.

"I just don't know what's going to happen this weekend I really don't but I feel nervous." Hermione looked guilty for even worrying at all.

"Well look, let's not worry about something until it's happened. Wasted time, right?" Ginny prompted with a soft smile. She always did like to focus on what she could control as opposed to worrying about what ifs. In that regard we were completely different.

"Yes of course, you're right," Hermione agreed. "See you guys soon."

We called our goodbyes after her as she wended her way back down the road to the floo portal and Ginny and I quickly gathered up Teddy's things and after settling the bill we headed on down the street to where Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes stood, its dazzling frontage drawing every eye. Our progress was slow as Teddy had walked between us, his arms raised as he held each of our hands but I didn't mind. The amount of overtime I normally worked I figured one day of a slightly extended lunch wouldn't hurt. Or I hoped it wouldn't.

"You know that colour combination is really just offensive," I commented in distaste at the lurid mix of lime green and bright pink that covered the front of the shop.

A wide grin crossed over Ginny's face.

"And don't they know it! Still it certainly helps make them stand out, and business is apparently doing well so I don't think it's a deterrent. It's amazing how well they're doing; I think Mum still can't get over it."

"She doesn't still want them to get a Ministry job though surely?"

"Nah, she's gotten used to them running their own business now I think but they're just so…Fred and George."

I laughed quietly.

"Yeah that about sums them up doesn't it?"

Ginny nodded in agreement. We'd reached the door to the shop when she bent down to address Teddy.

"Hey Teddy, we're going in to see Fred and George, want a lift?" she held her arms out to him, no doubt wanting to keep a hold of him when he entered the shop so he couldn't cause carnage that four year olds were so capable of. And with the products in the twins shop in easy range I couldn't fault her thinking.

It was a bit disconcerting to see a four year old consider the question so seriously so in an effort to distract him I reached down to tickle him under his arms and he giggled in response.

"Non can carry me!"

"Good!" Ginny beamed before adding in an undertone "Watch out, he's pretty heavy."

I chuckled lightly before scooping Teddy up into my arms. Ginny hadn't been lying.

"Oof! Goodness Teddy you're almost too big for this you know?"

"Nope" he answered cheerfully, wrapping his small arms around my neck as his legs went around my waist.

I just shook my head at him as we followed Ginny into the shop and I froze slightly at the sight of so many people in the shop. Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes was rammed with customers, with people squeezing past each other to get to the shelves. I subconsciously held Teddy a bit tighter to me as though he was a shield before I forced myself to take a deep breath and relax my shoulders.

 _It's just a shop Non, we go in, get what we need, we go out_.

Inner pep talk over I started to navigate my way through the shop. Ginny had already disappeared to find the twins to pick up whatever it was she needed. Teddy was pointing excitedly at one of the shelves so I decided to humour him and walked over. It was a display of stuffed toys which looked suspiciously muggle. Reading the description however they had charms on them for basic animation and movement. Teddy wanted to claim a wolf which I thought so apt I decided I would get it for him. With the four year old happy with his find and wolf toy clenched in his small fist I made my way over to the next shelf.

There were an assortment of day dream boxes and I frowned lightly as I shifted Teddy to my left hip and reached out with my right hand to read one of them. It seemed straight forward enough, the potion allowed you to escape into a day dream of your choice, depending on what theme you picked, that allowed you to pass your time more pleasurably if you were faced with boredom. This was clearly targeted at a student audience but as I read through the instructions I couldn't see that there were any safety measures. There was nothing it seemed that could withdraw you from the daydream once it started.

"But what if you're attacked after you take one?" I mused out loud and heard a startled laugh behind me.

"Well I can safely say we've never been asked _that_ question before."

I spun around at the voice to see the freckled face of a Weasley twin.

"George!" Teddy called delightedly.

"George? _George?!"_ the twin grabbed at his heart dramatically. "Can't you see I've got two ears Teddy? I'm Fred!" And Fred pulled on both his ears and stuck out his tongue at Teddy who laughed delightedly. "Plus I'm much handsomer," he added with a wink at me.

"Fred!" he called out arms reaching to have a hug as I shook my head laughing lightly.

"C'mere, you little monster."

I passed Teddy to him and I rescued the wolf toy that had slipped from his grip.

"That for him?"

Fred had noticed it and I nodded in reply.

"Alright, follow me."

A path through customers seemed to magically open before Fred as I trailed behind him quietly as he called out to answer customers' questions as he made his way to the till. I could see Ginny already there stood to one side as George served a steady line of customers. Wolf toy in hand I stood at the back of the queue while Fred joined up with Ginny.

By the time I got to the counter Ginny was staring at me with an exasperated smile.

"Non did you really question the safety aspect of the day dream potions?"

I blushed lightly as all three Weasleys looked at me. Ducking my head a bit I pushed my hair behind my ear and shrugged.

"Habit, sorry."

Ginny just rolled her eyes.

"Aurors, honestly. You're all the same."

"You're an auror?"

I looked up as George asked the question and I nodded.

"That's right. How much for this?"

I gestured to the toy hoping to move the topic of conversation away from me.

"Two galleons, five sickles. I didn't have you down as an auror."

"Oh." My forehead creased slightly at his words as I dug into my purse for the money. I fumbled slightly but managed to finally get the coins out and handed them over to see George looking at me with a confused expression.

"Thanks. Don't you want to know what I had you down as?"

I thought for a moment, trying to fight a blush as George stared at me, a smile starting to twitch at the corner of his mouth.

"You know, I think it's safer not to ask." I muttered as he laughed loudly in response. "Thanks for this." I gestured to the toy as I picked it up and he just nodded at me still chuckling.

"You should really ask me you know."

"Ask you what?" Ginny questioned as she joined me, Teddy in one arm and a couple of parcel's in the other. I quickly took Teddy from her and she shot me a thankful smile.

"What I thought she was instead of an auror." George answered, looking at me expectantly.

"Ooh what?"

"Oh no little sister I'm not telling you, Non has to ask."

I squirmed inwardly under their combined gazes before giving a light shrug and smiled.

"I'm not that curious."

"Oh spoil sport!" Ginny huffed as George chuckled.

"Non Non?"

 _Merlin bless four year olds and their distractions._

I moved to the side to allow George to continue serving customers.

"Yes Teddy Teddy?"

"Can we go see the brooms?"

I looked at Ginny with a raised eyebrow and she shook her head softly. I turned back to Teddy with an exaggerated sad face.

"Sorry Teddy Teddy no can do."

Did you ever notice that a four year old can look adorable when they pout?

"But look here you've got your wolf toy hey?"

Teddy's face brightened as he re-claimed the toy I'd just purchased. I glanced at my watch and grimaced at the time. It was nearly three o'clock. Beckett was going to absolutely kill me if I was any later.

"Non Non's got to go?" Ginny asked and I snorted lightly.

"Non Non's _really_ got to go." I agreed. "Bye Teddy Teddy" I said to the child in my arms. I was rewarded with a hug before he wriggled away to be with Ginny.

"See you soon?" I asked her.

"Yes. Hey, come over on Sunday?"

"Do you want me to trial your cooking again? We all know what happened last time." I snickered lightly at the memory as she scowled.

"I am _much_ better now thank you. But yes, I'll be cooking. Dare you brave it?"

I pretended to contemplate it seriously.

"I _think_ I could do it, being an auror and all."

"Good. Get there for twelve?"

"Sure thing, bye Ginny."

She waved her own farewell before attempting to juggle Teddy, his toy and her packages. I smiled softly shaking my head as I turned to start my way out the shop.

"Bye Non!"

I started slightly and turned to see George waving at me cheerfully over the head of a customer he'd just finished serving. I could feel a confused expression settle on my face. Should I have tried to say goodbye before I left? I hadn't thought to thinking he was busy. Did he think me rude? Another blush broke out over my face.

"Um, bye?" I called hesitantly before turning around trying to resist the urge to roll my eyes at myself. I was so utterly socially backward sometimes.

Shaking my head slightly at my own ineptitude I walked as quickly as I could through the shop. I really was late to get back to work and as I walked back into the sunlight of Diagon Alley a part of me was tempted by a skiving snack box that was being advertised in the window.

 _Like Beckett wouldn't know I'd taken one_.

I rolled my shoulders to try and shift my nervous tension and took a deep breath. Blocking my embarrassment at my interaction with the twins I strode determinedly down the street. That aside I'd managed to socialise at lunch without feeling too anxious and that for me was a victory. I felt a small glow of pride. It was only small but it was something and I treasured it as I headed back to work and wondering what George Weasley had thought my job was. Perhaps he was right, I should have asked him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

 **A/N:** *waves* hello. Thank you to my new followers and especially thank you if you have reviewed. Getting a notification I've a new follower or reviewer makes me ridiculously happy. I hope you all enjoy this latest instalment. If you want, let me know what you think.

Chapter 3

I gripped the thick pad of parchment in my hand tightly to stop my fingers trembling. Saturday morning had finally arrived with a Ministry owl making an early appearance, said packet to deliver, stamped as official Ministry of Magic documentation.

I frowned lightly as I considered it. Percy Weasley had mentioned that the new law they were working on was to be enacted today but I had assumed there would just be an announcement in the Daily Prophet. That the Ministry was sending bulky correspondence on the same day could, I supposed, just be a coincidence but I doubted it.

There was a curling feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and I smoothed the envelope down on my kitchen table before I turned my back on it to make a cup of tea. I wasn't ready to open it just yet. What if it held devastating news? What if the law was catastrophic? What if it was nothing to do with the law at all? What if it was good news?

The last one gave me pause as I warmed my hands on my fresh cup of tea, blowing softly at the steam rising from it before I snorted softly. As if it would be. Intent on enjoying my morning cuppa I kept my back to the table but it was as though the package had eyes, and I could feel my back tensing. Five very slow minutes passed before I succumbed. Bad or good news, perhaps it was better to get it over with, like ripping a band aid off as muggles would say.

My hands shook slightly as I broke the deep red Ministry seal and opened the envelope.

 _Dear Ms Llewellyn,_

 _As you will be aware, due to the Wizarding War in 1998, despite the magical community's best efforts to limit our hurts, the number of casualties resulting from the War was severe. Our numbers are depleted. In all facets of our life you will no doubt have noticed this._

 _It is with this serious issue in mind that we have taken the unprecedented step of creating a new law in order to secure and promote our population so as to safe guard the future for all magical beings. We trust you will whole heartedly support the Ministry of Magic in this endeavour and take to your vital role in securing our future survival with full commitment._

 _We inform you that you will be paired with a wizard between the age of 18-45. We have taken careful measures to ensure you will be well matched. Upon receiving knowledge of your selected wizard you will be required to wed within one year and start a family no longer than one year into your marriage._

 _Please accept the gratitude of the Ministry and the magical community as a whole for your sacrifice. We know it is done with the desire to see our people flourish far into the future._

 _Kingsley Shaklebolt_

 _Minister of Magic_

I sat stunned for long moments. Surely this was a joke? I re-read the letter numerous times but struggled to take in the words. I rifled through the other papers, they were a very brief over view of what the law entailed with a brief page on how everyone was to be matched. My hands started to tremble slightly and I crushed the parchment in my fists. I couldn't tell if it was fear or rage, perhaps it was both. What the actual fuck were the Ministry playing at?

I mean they couldn't possibly be saying that they were forcing witches and wizards to marry and then forcing them to have children? _Surely_ they weren't that insane?

I smoothed the parchment out again but no, that was what it said.

 _How fucking_ dare _they._

My body had finally caught up with my mind and what simmering fear I had was swept away with white hot anger.

"Bastards! You utter FUCKING bastards!"

It felt good to shout.

How could they possibly do this to us? They were taking away our whole futures. Our right to choose who we fell in love with. Our right to decide to marry at all. Our right to choose whether or not we even wanted children. This was a law that curtailed our free will, by parading it under the guise that it would be a good thing for our community. If this was happening in the muggle world it would be a breach of human rights. The fact that we didn't have those protections in the magical community made me feel sick. I'd always thought it was those like house elves or centaurs that had infringed rights, and I supported Hermione in her work in righting that wrong, but it had never crossed my mind that any rational Ministry would do this to its own people.

If the war had taught me anything it was how important a person's free will was. The war door in my mind gave a shudder but I forced it back closed. I couldn't face those memories, not today, not after this news.

I jerked to my feet. I'd walked around my kitchen three times in a daze before I found myself back at the table and I shook my head to try and clear it. This couldn't be real. Surely, it couldn't be. Feeling numb I headed out to the garden. They couldn't do this to us. Hadn't so many of us suffered enough during the war? Surely we'd get a letter later on today or tomorrow explaining it was an elaborate hoax. We had to.

I can't actually recall what happened to the rest of my day but I inexplicably found myself at 12 noon on Sunday apparating to outside Ginny and Harry's flat in London. I was amazed I even remembered that we'd set up lunch.

I lifted a heavy arm to knock on the door and it opened almost immediately, showing Ginny's kind face scrunched up slightly in worry, her brown eyes shining with concern.

"Oh Non, thank goodness you came."

She reached out and took hold of my arm and pulled me in. I followed unresisting.

"Are you – are you alright?"

I didn't have to ask what she was talking about.

"It's a joke right?" My lips felt numb. "They can't actually be doing this to us?"

A grimace passed over Ginny's face and she sighed heavily.

"Hermione thought that too, she even went in to the office yesterday but the legal department was prepared and she got turned away, they wouldn't even let her into her office. I – I think this is really happening."

"Bastards."

Ginny didn't have an answer for that. She led me into the living room where Harry, Ron, Hermione and Luna already were. We all greeted each other but it was muted. It was as though we were all stunned. Hermione looked as nervous as I felt as she chewed nervously on her thumb nail whereas Ron just kept shaking his head in bafflement.

Luna walked over and wordlessly gave me a hug and my own arms automatically sprung up to hug her tightly in return.

"You're shaking."

Luna's soft voice washed over me. I tried to laugh her comment off but it wobbled dramatically and I was alarmed to feel the threat of tears.

"They can't do this to us Luna."

"But they are."

I looked at her then, her wide silver eyes gazing directly at me. She seemed so sad yet resolute.

"Don't you want to fight this?"

"I don't think we can Non. The legal document they referred to in the letter seems to show it's all locked in."

"Not that we could even check!" Hermione's shrill voice interjected. "They wouldn't let me in to the department to read it." She sounded as angry as I was.

It was like her outburst broke the ice and all of a sudden we were each clamouring to be heard as we tore in to the Ministry and their decision.

"What I don't get is how the hell have they figured out how to match people," Ron seemed completely baffled.

"Oh Ron, they explained it in the letter. It's from a review from our Ministry files together with interviewing of our superiors in our jobs and even reviewing family history." Hermione scolded him and he scowled heavily.

"Yeah alright Hermione, not all of us have memorised the paperwork yet."

"Besides" Harry interjected quickly "At least the process will be simplified as there are those of us who are already in relationships."

"We don't _know_ they'll do that though Harry."

Hermione sounded exasperated and it was clearly a point they had already argued over.

"C'mon Hermione, they'd be mad to not just pair up those who are already in relationships." Ron scoffed. "I mean I think we're too young to marry but at least we know who we'll be stuck with."

" _Stuck_ with?"

Hermione's eyes were glinting dangerously.

"Ah c'mon, you know what I mean."

I knew what Ron meant however indelicately he put it, but I could see Hermione recoil from him slightly, trying to hide her hurt. Honestly Ron was a brilliant colleague but he was so emotionally dense sometimes. I also shared Hermione's concern that they wouldn't automatically pair up those in a relationship. Ron was right that they would be mad not to, but then again it was sheer madness they were implementing this law in the first place.

Ginny called us all then to say food was ready.

It was strange, I'd been a bit nervous in the days leading up to this, getting anxious over a Sunday lunch as it had been months since I'd last been to one but since opening the Ministry package the day before I had been in such a state of shock that my normal irrational anxiety seemed to have momentarily disappeared.

A delightful roast dinner was on the table and I managed to smile at Ginny, breaking out momentarily from my inner gloom.

"Well now this is some turn around Ginevra."

She narrowed her eyes at me before letting a small smile cross her face.

"Took me bloody ages. Mum's been giving me lessons for months. I've tried teaching Harry too but for _some_ reason he's always busy."

I rolled my eyes at that as Harry grinned cheekily.

"Hey it's not my fault work is so busy."

Ginny just ruffled his hair in response and I let out a small sigh. At least those two would be happy.

Our lunch was really nice. Ron and Harry bantered over an arrest they had made while Ginny, Hermione and I tried to follow Luna's latest adventure. She'd been over in Sweden for her latest research but she was maddeningly vague on the details of what would be in her next edition of the Quibbler.

"You'll just have to buy it I suppose."

She said it with such a serene smile you had to look carefully for mischievous barb hidden in her words but we all laughed in response and her smile widened. For all her oddities Luna was surprisingly subtle but she could have a wicked sense of humour when she put her mind to it. It wasn't until desert that things turned sour.

"I hope I get someone that's nice."

Luna's voice was gentle but it was followed by a strained silence. My stomach dropped at her words and I felt the food I'd just eaten fighting to make a reappearance as I sat frozen in my seat. She'd just voiced one of my main concerns that I had been desperately trying to ignore. What if whoever I was paired with was absolutely awful? What if I hated them? What if _they_ hated _me?_ What if he was really old? What if I liked them but they didn't like me? What if I'm not good enough? And the worst one of all for me, what if I never know if the person I marry would have ever willingly chosen me? Because there was no way I would ever know that one. A wizard would be forced to accept me and I'd have to live a life with them knowing I was not their free choice.

"Of course you will Luna. If you don't well, they'll have us to answer to right Harry?"

Ron of all the bloody people was seeking to reassure her. I let out a strangled surprised laugh that to my horror somehow turned into a sob. I covered my mouth in shock as I shot to my feet, my chair tumbling behind me as I fought to breathe.

"I-I've got to go."

My voice was high and thin and I couldn't bear to look at my friends faces as I fled Ginny and Harry's flat.

How I managed to apparate home without splinching myself I don't know. The front door to my cottage slammed over, ricocheting off the wall as I stumbled towards my living room. I didn't make the sofa before my legs gave out. I sat on the floor, chest heaving as I struggled to pull myself together, painfully aware that the building panic attack was threatening to overcome me.

I pressed my hands into the carpet, desperate to distract myself with a sensation other than the crushing weight on my chest as I fought to draw a breath. It took long moments of my gulping at the air before I managed to start pulling the threads of myself back together. I had just managed to haul myself up on to the sofa when I heard the resounding cracks of people apparating outside. Only a handful of people had access to my property so I wasn't surprised to see Hermione, Ginny and Luna walk in. I was just extremely thankful Ron and Harry weren't with them.

I attempted to smile at them, but their shared look of commiseration and concern had me bursting into a fresh set of tears. Ginny rushed forward to hug me and I clung to her, unable for once to keep from my closest friends just what I was feeling. Luna came to sit by me as Hermione murmured she would go and make us all cups of tea.

There were four steaming cups of tea sat waiting on the coffee table by the time my tears subsided. I pulled back from Ginny, wiping at my face in embarrassment.

"S-sorry."

"Don't you dare apologise." Hermione warned.

"I know how you're feeling."

I squeezed Luna's hand in thanks.

"I'll invoice you later."

I snorted a laugh at Ginny, which given how much I'd just cried was a bad idea resulting in rather a lot of snot.

"You see," I sighed, "this is why I don't usually cry."

The others laughed as Hermione handed me a handkerchief so I could blow my nose.

"Maybe you should cry more."

"Luna's right, isn't it supposed to be good for you?"

Ginny turned her question to Hermione who was also nodding in agreement and I had to fight to roll my eyes.

"I do cry. Just you know, not normally so explosively or in front of people."

"We aren't people Non, we're your friends."

I ducked my head at Ginny's gentle chiding.

"Is this just about the law?"

The silence that followed Hermione's question alerted me to the fact that all three of my friends were interested in the answer. I pointedly ignored their gazes, choosing instead to turn my eyes downwards at my feet. My sandals were looking rather worn really now that I thought about it, I should look at getting a new pair.

"Non."

Ginny's gentle prompt brought my back into focus and I let out a shaky breath.

"Yes and no. I'm just…it just really scares me. The thought of n-not having control over such an important thing."

The whole of my body shuddered at that thought and I could feel Luna and Ginny both wrap an arm around me. I took comfort in their solidity as I thought furiously about what more I should say. I hadn't let my friends know about my PTSD. I was thoroughly ashamed of it, that it had so weakened me, and even though I was so much better than I had been the way I was feeling now terrified me that it would claw me back to where I started from. I bit my lip before taking a deep, shuddering breath and then I told them.

I told my friends about my first catastrophic panic attack, about how I'd had to attend a six month course of therapy at St Mungos, how only Beckett knew the true extent of my problems, that Harry had been told as part of work protocol but that no one else knew. I explained how the anxiety had then manifested itself and I'd taken the healers instructions to limit my stressors to such an extreme that I'd stopped seeing people outside of work.

"So you see Beckett was right the other day, I have stopped everything bar work. I was just starting to make progress and I'm due to start going on field duty again next week, but now this disaster has happened."

"Oh Non, I wish you'd told us."

"I couldn't Hermione, it's just so stupid. The war was years ago now and everyone else is just getting on with it. I'm just pathetic."

"Don't you dare say that."

Ginny's brown eyes flashed indignantly and I ducked my head down to avoid her gaze.

"If this happened to one of us, would you say that we were pathetic?"

I blinked stupidly at Luna's question.

"Of course I wouldn't!"

"Then why do you say that about yourself?"

I didn't know how to answer Luna's question. It was honestly what I thought about myself, but I would never have called any of my friends pathetic if they were going through something similar. I chewed hard on my lip as I shrugged helplessly.

"You know that I've experienced something similar?"

I gaped at Hermione and she just shook her head ruefully at my shock.

"It's true. The first few months back in school I felt like I was falling apart. I didn't have Harry or Ron with me, I'd just discovered the memory spell I put on my parents couldn't be reversed…." Hermione took a few deep breaths to compose herself, her eyes wet with unshed tears. "We all hit a wall eventually Non. We can't be strong all the time. Maybe this past year has been for you to give your mind a chance to catch up."

I fidgeted trying to hide my guilt. The healer had mentioned the same thing to me yet I hadn't done a very good job at processing everything. I'd just locked things away again in the hope that if I ignored them enough they'd disappear.

"I've been through it too. After my first year I…well let's just say that it took me a while to recover." Ginny smiled tightly before giving me a reassuring squeeze. "What I can say Non is that I am stronger for it. Anyone who goes through something like this…they get stronger."

The silence this time was comfortable and I took strength from my friends. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me but self-doubt still grasped at me.

"I can't even date a man, how on earth as I supposed to marry one?"

Ginny did not successfully disguise her snort of laughter into a cough at my question.

Hermione passed a hand over her mouth no doubt to hide a smile.

"We'll have a whole year to get to know them. I think I'd like someone older than me."

Ginny didn't even try and hide her laugh at Luna's words.

"You've a preference for a more experienced wizard Luna?"

I gave a startled laugh as Ginny waggled her eyebrows and a light pink appeared on Luna's cheeks.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

We all laughed at that and the conversation turned to the more petty and idle curiosity as to who mine and Luna's matches could possibly be. It was the way we always coped with things I suppose, to laugh and joke about them to make them more bearable. By the times my friends left me I felt slightly better. I could feel the panic bubbling below the surface but for once I felt like I had a firm grip on it. I was even looking forward to tomorrow and heading back out on an assignment. What would have terrified me just a week ago now seemed like a welcome distraction, I just hoped it wouldn't be too much for me to process.

I crawled into bed that night emotionally exhausted and prayed I'd have a dreamless sleep. It wasn't to be.

 _I was huddled amongst of a group of witches, shivering in terror as the sporadic candles lining the cold stone walls around us guttered slightly in a draft. That meant someone was coming. I was in some sort of cell below ground with other witches that had been captured by Snatchers. They hadn't taken us to the Ministry to report on our blood status but rather we had been kept penned down in this room for days. We had learnt already that any visitors were bad news._

 _A group of fifteen people entered the cell, all of them were robed and they were masks over their faces. I knew they were death eater masks having caught sight of them before when my family home had been attacked. A whimper of fear was trying to escape me bit I bit it back, I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing just how terrified I was, I was determined on that._

" _Fuck the smell on them. Stinking mudbloods."_

 _One of the shorter robed individuals had spoken. It was a boy, or certainly his voice sounded young enough for him to still fall in that category._

" _Indeed. They need to be cleaned, well as much as it is possible for a mudblood to be cleaned."_

 _One of the taller robed figures had stepped forward and he addressed us._

" _Take off your clothes."_

 _I froze, not wanting to process what I was hearing. The other witches seemed similarly frozen, and not one of us dared to look at each other._

" _Well I suppose now is as good a time as any to practice."_

 _The masked leader sounded amused and he gestured to the rest of his companions and they came forward to force us to stand in a row, their hands bruising and heedless if they hurt us._

 _I kept my gaze on my feet trying to melt away. If only I could hide. Booted feet came to a stop in front of me._

" _Imperio."_

 _I felt as though a heavy fog settled on my mind, but my body felt weirdly weightless._

Look at me.

 _I heard the whispered instruction in my head as though it was said directly into my ear and my eyes snapped up of their own accord. I could see glittering eyes behind the masked figure in front of me but I could discern nothing further._

Take your clothes off _._

 _My arms jerked to obey before my struggling mind could slog through the fog in my head to make them stop. I didn't want to. What on earth was I doing?_

Take them off _._

 _The voice was more insistent this time and I felt the pressure to obey press all around me. To my horror my hands moved to comply and my clothes were soon on the floor and I stood completely naked, unable to take my eyes from the masked face in front of me._

" _Search them."_

 _The instruction rang out and I stood there naked, frozen and utterly at my captors' mercy as sweaty hands crept over me. They grabbed at my breasts, down my stomach before forcing my legs apart as sharp fingers stabbed at me, violating me as my body stood there compliant and unyielding. In my mind I struggled but the Imperius curse was too strong, I was crushed. My shame continued while in one corner of my mind where I desperately tried to hold on to the last scrap of my will, I was screaming._

Monday morning greeted me with the gentleness of a sledgehammer to the head. I was bleary eyed and sporting a splitting headache when I arrived at work. It had been months since that memory had visited me and my stomach was still churning so badly I hadn't as yet been able to face breakfast. I stood at the drinks counter waiting for my tea to brew, blinking stupidly.

"Llewellyn!"

I startled badly and almost knocked my mug of tea over before recovering and turning to see who had bellowed my name.

Shit. It was Beckett. He was waiting expectantly by his office door, he crooked one finger at me before he disappeared back into his office.

I took a deep breath to steady myself before I trudged my way in to see him.

"Close the door."

I did as I was bid before I sat down in front of him, clutching my mug in front of me defensively.

"You look like shit."

I blinked. What on earth did he expect me to say to that?

"You'll be assigned to work with me this week. We'll run over the basics again but I signed you back on last month to do field work. Next week you're back on normal rota. Understood?"

I nodded numbly while inwardly my stomach twisted with nerves. How on earth could he possibly think I'd be okay?

"I've reviewed your file. The Healer has passed you fit, you are having no problems whatsoever in training and your investigating work is top notch. You're a good auror Llewellyn, it's time you remembered it."

I narrowed my eyes at him, taking in his scarred face.

"Why are you being nice?"

I got a scowl in response to my question as he jabbed one of his fingers at me.

"I'd rather not make a habit out of it. Don't you give me cause to, do you understand?"

I had to bite back a grin. Typical Beckett. He'd always much rather be shouting out orders as we all cowered in fear.

"I'll do my best not to."

It was as much as I could promise. As Beckett launched into our daily tasks I inwardly cringed, but one thing for sure was that I would be exhausted by the time I got home.

I'd had three days of patrolling, interviewing, doing re-cons and even carried out my first arrest in over a year and by Wednesday evening I was sat in my kitchen trembling as I fought to keep myself calm. I'd had a complete sensory overload and my body just simply wasn't used to it anymore. Being in a hyper alert state took a lot out of you and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady my breathing as I'd been taught to. I had to learn how to relax properly if I wasn't going to be able to last being an auror, and I wanted that more than anything.

Beckett hadn't been nice to me since Monday morning so I assumed I was going well enough for him. Beneath everything though I knew the lurches of fear and anxiety I kept feeling were only minimally to do with my job. The marriage law was eating away at me and with just four days left until I found out who I was doomed to wed the panic was trying to claw its way out. My sleep was still disrupted where memories from my captivity during the war fighting with my subconscious although they thankfully hadn't been as vivid as the recollection from Sunday night.

I tried to distract myself by having a bath but even then I couldn't settle. I couldn't understand why we weren't being allowed to read the new law. There was something very, very wrong about that. If it has been enacted it should have been available for public perusal but it wasn't. Letting the water out of my bath I huffed as I wrapped myself in a towel and stomped to my bedroom. It was just coming up eight o'clock in the evening and I felt a surge of panic again. This was absurd. I needed to see that law. What if there was a loophole? It was my last hope. Before I could question myself further I quickly dressed, magically dried my hair and with a crack apparated back to the Ministry of Magic.

The atrium was eerily silent as I cast a deflecting charm on myself to encourage people to overlook me and I hurried as much as I could while stepping softly so my shoes didn't make much noise. I headed to the auror department first so I could put on my spare robes before I made my way to the lift. I held my breath while the doors opened and exhaled loudly to see it was empty. Good. My nerves were on edge and it felt like I had only blinked before I had arrived at my destination at the legal department. The snooty witch was not at the reception desk and in fact it didn't sound as though anyone was here. That was unusual as there was nearly always people working late in this department but it seemed the overtime they had all put in to pass this law meant that the ministry workers were reverting back to more normal hours.

I thought for a moment and pondered where to search before I settled on the records office. There must surely be a copy in there and I recalled from Hermione's law that had recently passed how pleased she'd been that she now had her own file in there. Before I reached out for the handle I took out my wand and muttered a quick reveleo spell. There was no charm or lock on the door and I silently thanked my luck. Once in the room I cast the same spell on the cabinets and again nothing. The auror part of me was annoyed that the legal department were being so lax in its security but I was happy enough in the most part as it was working in my favour.

The filing system was simple, all in date order and I opened the correct draw but as my hand reached out for the file I froze. I was about to break the law. I was about to illegally obtain a copy of a Ministry law that they were refusing to make public. If I was caught I could easily lose my job. Beckett would surely kill me. My heart was thundering in my chest and in my ears and I quickly glanced around the room to make sure I was alone and another surge of panic made my mind up for me. I had to read this law, no matter the risks.

With my hand slightly trembling I took the paper out of the folder, it was a thick bundle and it took me some time to duplicate the pages. Once done I returned the original back into its file before placing it carefully back into its proper place and shut the draw. It wouldn't do to make it seem like it had been tampered with. I thought furiously for a moment before I transfigured the duplicate copy into a handbag. It wasn't typical for me to carry a bag but it was a legitimate enough an item that I hopefully wouldn't be stopped and questioned should anyone see me.

I held my breath as I made my way back to the lift. My heart lurched as it opened to reveal two watch wizards but they merely stepped past me to continue on their nightly patrols. I waited until the lift doors shut behind me before I released a huge sigh of relief. My deflection charm had worked. This time around the lift ride felt agonisingly long but I fought to keep myself to a brisk walk as I arrived back at the atrium. My heart still thundering I took out my wand and as I reached the apparition point I for once enjoyed the tight sensation of being squeezed as I apparated back home.

My t-shirt was clinging to my skin uncomfortably with the amount I had sweated with nerves and I flicked my wand at my kettle to set it to boiling. I muttered another spell to return the papers back to their original form and once I had a trusted cup of tea in hand I set about reading it.

It was very, very dull reading. From my untrained legal eye I couldn't see anything that would invalidate it. It looked like the Ministry had been pedantic to the extreme to prevent any legal challenge being brought. My eyes froze as I re-read a clause and I choked on my tea.

 _Fuck._

I read it again.

 _FUCK_.

 _This_ was why they hadn't want it made public before it was announced who we would all be matched with. The wording was a bit confusing and they had hidden it deep into the text but I felt a sick dread seep through me as I furiously read and re-read it. I couldn't see how it could be interpreted any other way.

' _Clause 87.4 – In so far as those witches or wizards that are in established relationships it shall follow that should the formula allow for those said relationships to continue then those relationships shall stand and will be made binding as per this said Act but should the said formula not allow the said continuation then a relationship will be established as set out as per clause 34.5 and that establishment shall be legally binding and indefinite._

In other words if you were in a relationship and your pairing matched in the way this law worked out the relationships then you were fine to stay with your already chosen partner. If however your current relationship did not comply with how this stupid abysmal law worked out who you should be matched with then your current relationship would be terminated and you would be paired with someone new.

I flipped back to re-read clause 34.5 but it was a bit beyond me. There seemed to be a magical formula being used to set up the relationship matches but it was far too complex and sophisticated for me to follow.

The panic I had been feeling for myself had disappeared and it was replaced with dread for my friends. What if Ginny didn't get Harry? What if Hermione didn't get Ron?

I didn't sleep well that night for understandable reasons; guilt at my own law breaking and worry for my friends.

Harry and Ron kept throwing me strange looks in the office. I kept making an attempt to say something to them, to warn them before I would stop myself. I couldn't admit to them that I had stolen the papers and I wasn't sure they'd even want to be warned. Or would they? If it was me I would want to know but I was a serial worrier. What if they did get paired with their chosen girlfriends and I worried them for nothing? But then again, what if they didn't?

My day passed in agony and they had both scooted off to a dinner at The Burrow before I had screwed up my courage to tell them. I went through the scenarios again before I made up my mind. Ginny and Ron were likely to not want to know, Harry as well didn't like to worry but Hermione loved being prepared. Hermione I was certain would want to know. I bit my lip as I vacantly stared ahead of me, heedless to the fact I was the only one left in work. My hands were trembling slightly as I felt like my whole body was thrumming with nerves when I made up my mind.

I had to see Hermione and that meant making a trip to The Burrow. I only hoped that I hadn't wasted too much time and they hadn't sat down to eat yet.

I had only been to The Burrow once before but it was easy enough a place for me to apparate to. I arrived at the bottom of the drive and I took in the sight of the roundhouse with its numerous extra floors. It was a wonder they didn't all fall down but it was a delightful quirk and it was a lovely home. A few chickens scratched at the ground as I walked up to the front door. I placed my wand back in its holster on my hip and I smoothed my sweaty hands on my jeans. I wished it was impossible to get this nervous.

I almost turned tale when I worried what I would do if Percy answered the door, what if he somehow guessed that I'd stolen a copy of the law? I bit my lip again, worrying it between my teeth before I took a deep breath and tried to think rationally. There was no way he could know, surely. Before I could talk myself out of it further I raised my right hand and knocked on the door.

I could hear the faint sounds of a scuffle and muffled voices before the door jerked half way open to reveal a Weasley twin that happened to have two ears. Fred.

"You!"

I blinked. What on earth happened to the timeless greeting of hello.

"Who is it Fred?"

The door momentarily closed again and I could hear another scuffle before it opened fully this time to reveal both twins.

"Aaaaah it's Non Non."

I blushed. George looked delighted.

"You know we were just talking about you."

Because that wasn't disconcerting at all.

They both looked at me expectantly. What on earth was I supposed to say? I felt queasy just thinking I'd been spoken about. I bet Ron had been blabbing about what a mess I'd been all day.

I tucked my hair behind my ear, my eyes struggling to meet their gazes.

"Um, is Hermione here?"

"Um, whose um? I'm not um."

"No, nor me. Do we know an Um?

"I don't think so George. You got the right house Non?"

I was just deciding that I really truly didn't like the Weasley twins when they decided to relent in their teasing.

"You're finding it that bad huh?"

I glanced up startled to see that Fred's grin had disappeared and his jaw was set in a firm line. His brown eyes were sympathetic though. I risked a glance at George to see he wore an identical expression and realisation hit me. Of course, they were both unattached too. They would be just as impacted by this stupid marriage law as me.

I grimaced and waived a hand vaguely, finding it hard to articulate what I was feeling.

"Well, it's a bit shit."

"I think that's a tad understated there Non Non. I'd go more for; it's a fucking disaster."

"A veritable clusterfuck." Fred agreed before a slightly sly grin appeared on his face and he took a step closer to me. "But I'm open to being consoled. We've only a few nights of freedom left to us, what do you say?"

He winked outrageously at me and I snorted out a laugh before blushing lightly.

"I think, that it would be wisest that I really see Hermione."

"Blimey like that is it! Does Ron know? He'll be awfully disappointed."

I groaned in embarrassment as Fred simply laughed at me.

"Alright I'll be nice, I'll go and get her for you."

I hummed my thanks, scuffing my left shoe on the floor as I passed a weary hand over my face. Merlin I was tired.

"Non Non?"

 _Oh piss._

I'd forgotten about George. I scrambled with what to say knowing I'd have to make some pretence at a conversation while I waited for Hermione.

"Um, you do know it's only Teddy that's allowed to call me that right?"

"Firstly Non Non, I'm not Um" George grinned at me before holding up a second finger. "Secondly I know that statement to be untrue."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Well, Um, it really isn't."

His grin widened.

"Ah but you forget Non Non I heard my dearest sister call you it just the other day."

 _Bugger_.

"I think you'll find your dearest sister broke friendship protocol in the interest of excessive teasing. An anomaly not the norm."

"Non Non you disappoint me, excessive teasing _is_ the norm."

"I beg to differ."

"I thought you might."

I smirked softly at his bantering before I stepped back rubbing a hand over my face again as another wave of weariness hit me.

"You alright?"

I kept my eyes closed trying to wait for the feeling to pass.

"Non?"

"Fuck, I'm such a mess." I muttered before shaking my head and opening my eyes to answer George. I toyed with the idea of a generic 'I'm fine' but seeing a serious expression on his face for a change I didn't see the point. He would surely know something of what I'm feeling.

"I'm not okay no."

"Worrying about Sunday?"

"Yup. Getting ready to pity the wizard who gets me."

I tried to say that with a laugh, to make light of it just so I could batten down the panic inside of me but it came out all wrong and I grimaced.

"Fuck, sorry. Just ignore me."

"You know you don't look like you are the type of person who swears."

I blinked. What?

"What?"

George flashed a grin at me and took a step closer.

"It's a very nice surprise. You can give tips to whatever poor witch ends up with me."

"Oh pfft," I scoffed "any witch would be lucky to get you."

The words had issued automatically and I blushed furiously as I realised what I'd said. I don't know where they'd come from but when I thought about it I decided I was right. He was a successful business man, a war hero and most importantly he was kind.

George Weasley beamed at me and I groaned in embarrassment and turned away.

"You aren't going to look at me now are you?"

No I bloody wasn't. Merlin, why couldn't the earth just swallow me whole?

"I just wanted to see Hermione."

He laughed at my pitiful tone.

"Well Fred is going to have to do some persuading. He tried out one of our new products on her earlier and she vowed to curse him if he came near her again this evening. Give him a chance."

I nodded my understanding as I bopped on my feet impatiently, still determinedly looking anywhere than at George. You see this is why I didn't socialise much. I always, _always_ made a fool of myself or said something stupid.

"You know I think Fred was on the right path earlier."

I mean really, I'd explained to Ginny so often and listed my plethora of embarrassing scenarios which were too many to number but she only ever laughed at me. I mean it was fine for _her_ she never embarrassed herself this much.

"You just need to promise not to hex me."

Okay, I did learn from Hermione that Ginny had a good two years of embarrassing herself in front of Harry but that was _years_ ago and she had the excuse of being so young. Me? I was twenty one and I still couldn't even talk to people without blushing for Merlin's sake.

"Non Non?"

"Huh?"

I looked up automatically at the sound of my name, completely distracted by my inner musings and only had a split second to be alarmed at how close George was when he kissed me.

My whole body froze. It was a short kiss, his lips soft and light but with the promise of more.

As he stepped back from me my mind started to work again as I finally caught up with this words. Why would I hex him? I looked at him suspiciously trying to ignore what felt like a now permanent blush on my face.

"That wasn't a pity kiss was it?"

I mean I was a complete mess, feeling utterly sorry for myself but I didn't like pity. I'd have preferred no kiss at all.

George looked at me like I was mad.

"Pity? Blimey I was going for thank you. Well this won't do. Come back here you, I clearly need to do better."

My eyes widened in alarm and I tried to back pedal away but George grabbed on to my hand.

"Wait you don't mmph-"

George's lips silenced me, this time pressing far more firmly as his right hand came up to hold my neck. I let out a squeak of alarm as I felt his tongue flick out against my lips and both felt and heard him chuckle deep in his chest before he pulled back looking ridiculously pleased with himself.

"Hey, better we have something to remember that we were free to do while we still could, right?"

The change in George's tone threw me slightly and I somehow managed to bring myself to look at him. His smile was less and there was a concern in his eyes that reflected all too well what I'd been feeling all week. I managed a tiny smile in return.

"Thank you."

"You know you could just thank me the same way I thanked you."

George's grin was back and I just shook my head, furiously blushing again. I swear I was never going to return to a normal colour. Before things could get awkward I thankfully heard Hermione's voice approaching.

"Honestly Fred if you don't find a way to get rid of this before tomorrow I will hex you into next week!"

I looked in her direction startled at her ire, to see that she had what looked like a paintball splatter on her forehead in bright blue. My lips twitched but I dared not laugh as I saw the anger in her face. Seeing Hermione also brought back the churning panic I'd been feeling before George had so distracted me.

"Hermione, oh thank goodness!"

I rushed towards her to grab her hand and her anger swiftly turned to concern.

"Non what – what is it?"

"I need to show you something, _please_ Hermione it's important."

"Alright."

I bloody loved Hermione. She was always good at knowing when and when not to ask questions.

"Could you let your mum know not to wait for me to start eating?"

Hermione addressed her question to George while pointedly keeping her back to Fred, even as he started to follow her around to try and get her to meet his gaze. She quickly got fed up of trying to avoid him and levelled him with a glare.

"Oh do piss off Fred."

My eyebrows shot up. Firstly Hermione hardly ever swore. Secondly she was very rarely that snappy unless Ron had seriously annoyed her. Fred scowled in response and took a deep breath no doubt ready with a fitting retort before George thankfully intervened.

"We'll let her know Hermione."

"Thank you."

George looked in my direction and winked setting my blush off again.

Hermione Granger deflated somewhat before she grabbed my arm and marched me down the driveway away from The Burrow. Thank Merlin I could now escape. When we were far enough away she started to rant.

"They have been utterly unbearable. Both of them have been awful all week, in a stinking mood thanks to the Ministry and to cap it all off Fred got me with this stupid, _stupid_ joke product and now he can't remove the mark. I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow, I can't go looking like this."

"I'm sure he'll have figured something out by the time you get back?"

I offered it tentatively but Hermione smiled gratefully none the less.

"Well, I hope so. Where do we need to go, yours? Okay good, I'll meet you there."

As she saw my nod of confirmation she let go of me and disapparated with a crack. I followed straight after. I hurried forward to let Hermione into my house, wondering just how I was going to broach the subject with her. I opted for wordlessly pointing her in the direction of the Ministry papers. She blanched when she saw it.

" _Non_. Where did you get this from?"

"Best not to ask questions Mione."

She nodded absentmindedly, her eyes already reading over the first page when I stepped forward to flip through to the relevant clause.

I swallowed nervously as I saw at first the colour drain from her face and then two bright red spots appear on her cheeks as she realised she may not be paired with Ron after all. Her dark brown eyes shot up to meet mine, her alarm and distress quite clear.

"Fuck."

And really when it came down to it, there was nothing else anyone could say.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 4

I started my Saturday morning by rushing to the toilet and vomiting.

If there was a more apt greeting to this dreaded day, I couldn't think of one.

Since Hermione had visited me to go over the law on Thursday my panic had kicked in to overdrive, culminating last night in my subconscious making me think I was going to have to marry Professor Slughorn. That explained the vomiting.

It was now approaching nine o'clock and I had sufficiently calmed down to remember that Slughorn was vastly older than forty five years of age and therefore it was impossible to be matched with him. My Hufflepuff mug sat at my side on the kitchen floor, its contents of tea abandoned as I couldn't keep my hands steady enough to drink. I'd sunk to the floor on wobbly legs after I'd opened the back door so I could wait for the delivery owl. Why I thought the floor was the best place to wait I couldn't tell you but there was something comforting in feeling the cold from the slate floor seep into me.

As the kitchen clock chimed the hour I tried to focus my eyes. I couldn't tell if there was a black dot approaching or whether this was a tell-tale sign I was about to faint. Fighting to keep my breathing steady it became apparent the black dot was moving closer; it was the delivery owl. My stomach quivered.

Not five minutes later the owl came swooping in to land on the kitchen counter. I scrambled to stand, legs still shaky, as I attempted to untie the letter. My fingers trembled so much it took far longer than it should of and the owl getting grumpy tried to nip at my fingers. I had scarce removed the item when it took off immediately. I suspected it would be quite busy over the course of the day.

I glanced at the envelope in my hands, swallowing down what felt like bile. This was it; this slim envelope would contain the words for my doomed future husband. I honestly felt sorry for him. I felt sorry for me too. My heart was beating so hard I could hear the blood rushing in my ears and sweat had started to break out on my brow. I hadn't realised I'd been stood staring at it so long until the kitchen clock chimed again. An hour, a whole bloody hour.

 _Get a grip Non. Just open it. Get the worst bit over._

I inhaled deeply, turned the envelope over and ripped it open. The parchment within got slightly stuck but I was finally able to extract it and with shaking hands I opened it up. My eyes were jumpy, I couldn't take in the words properly I just desperately searched for the name. I froze. I could feel something bubbling up inside of me and as I stared in disbelief a laugh burst forth. It seemed that as soon as one laugh left my lips I couldn't stop. Hysterical laughter broke free from my mouth completely uncontrollable.

 _I think I've finally gone insane_.

That thought managed to flit through my brain before my stomach gave a heave and I slapped a hand over my mouth before rushing to the sink and retching. There was nothing much left to throw up after my earlier trip to the bathroom and I giggled weekly as I slid back to the floor. Perhaps I'd read it wrong. I glanced back at the letter but no; the name hadn't changed.

I was going to have to marry George Weasley.

I started laughing again.

 _George Weasley_.

His name kept flitting across my brain and I shook my head to clear it as I scurried down the corridor to the auror department. It had taken me until Sunday evening to stop bursting into fits of laughter but I had determined to get in to the office early, pick the earliest case that needed investigating and then scarper. I couldn't bear having repeat conversations with people as to who we had all been paired with. I'd heard nothing from my friends over the weekend so I presumed that no disaster had befallen them and felt the knot of worry I'd been carrying ease slightly.

The room was blessedly empty when I arrived and I quickly rifled through the memo tray. A couple of items of misfiling, a maintenance report from Azkaban – _another bloody one_ – and at last I spotted one that looked promising. A port near Newcastle had experienced an influx of undocumented goods and attached were witness accounts of abnormal noises and lights in the sky. Suspicious enough for us to go and investigate to see if it qualified as magical.

 _Perfect._

It would involve muggle interviewing so I made sure to leave my auror robes behind, they would only draw questions. I signed out the muggle police identification badge that I could use to interview the muggles, double checked that my wand was in its holster at my hip and I made my way back to the atrium point so I could floo to the closest building we had linked to the area.

I stumbled out of a fireplace to note I was in rather a dingy pub. A clatter of glasses brought my attention a depressed looking barmaid, the only perky thing about her being the breasts that were squashed into an over tightened corset. She was pouring a shot of firewhisky and I was amazed to see there were patrons in the pub at this early hour. A fine establishment indeed.

 _George Weasley._

I huffed quietly as I gave the barmaid a slight nod of my head and made my way to the door to exit on to the street. The August early morning sunshine was dazzlingly bright compared to the dusky lighting in the pub and I fumbled with my bag to take out some sunglasses. Shoving them on my face I glanced up at the sign. When I'd flood here I'd just requested the nearest building from the floo assistant so I hadn't heard the name.

'The spread-eagled witch'.

 _Delightful_.

The wording was clear enough but whatever the picture on the sign was supposed to be had long lost its battle against the elements and no one appeared to have thought to put a charm on it to preserve it. Thankfully.

I glanced around the quiet street I was on and seeing no sign of life I surreptitiously withdrew my wand to quickly use the 'point me' spell. I needed to go east and my wand pointed directly to my right. Slipping my wand back into its holster I made my way down the road. I hadn't walked long when I saw a road sign stating I was ten miles from my destination. I stepped between building so I was out of site and taking my wand out again I quickly apparated now that I was confident of my destination. It was easier to do it this way than having guessed distances to start with.

I appeared with a crack near the docks and took the opportunity to step behind a building as I gathered my thoughts. We didn't often go on investigations on our own but as this was a preliminary case I knew that I was fine but I was still nervous. I could feel sweat starting to form on my lower back so I took a few minutes to steady my breathing and gather my thoughts and I was thankful that I was on my own so I had the time to do this. When I felt as though the worst of my nerves had passed I readjusted my sunglasses, double checked my wand and police badge and then stepped on out to the docks.

 _George Weasley_.

I sighed deeply as I walked along, scanning for any signs of life anywhere for me to talk to. I supposed now my hysteria was subsiding I should start thinking about my own situation more seriously. George Weasley had been an individual I had actively avoided for two years due to irrational hangover guilt after the night out in north Wales and the worry he might _possibly_ have seen me do something embarrassing. That was how ridiculous a person I was. It had however led me to associating both George and his twin with an irrational feeling of apprehension and my anxiety wasn't being helped when every time I thought his name I felt a surge of nerves in my stomach. All I knew was that I didn't want to see him.

I pushed thoughts of George to one side as I clocked a figure moving three buildings down. I slowed my walk to scan my surroundings and keeping my hand at the ready near my wand I approached the individual who I could soon make out to be a man. He was wearing work stained jeans and an old grey t-shirt and I could hear him muttering to himself as he shifted old fishing tack and wooden crates to attempt to clear an area. It rather looked like he was simply spreading the mess around. I gathered my nerves and then cleared my throat. He whipped around to look in my direction.

"Alright love? Can I help?"

He was looking at me a bit suspiciously so I raised my sunglasses briefly as I smiled before I squinted into the sunlight again and dropped them back into place.

"Hello there, just here from the police," I quickly flashed the badge at him, "I've been asked to follow up on some reports of undocumented goods. Only routine, but you couldn't point me in the direction of who's in charge could you?"

He snorted lightly in response as he straightened up fully.

"Well that would be me miss. Not too many able to get work here these days. The name's Bob Task."

"DC Llewellyn." I replied as I stuck a hand out for him to shake.

"I figured you couldn't be a normal copper, you'd have been in the uniform."

I nodded in agreement as I took a note pad from my bag and made a show of writing his name. He didn't seem dangerous himself so I wasn't too paranoid about keeping a hand free for my wand.

"So we've had reports of the goods but also err 'noises' and 'funny lights'" I exaggerated the words to make it seem I was a bit dubious.

I got rolled eyes in response.

"Aye well love I can tell you about the goods alright, don't know too much about them noises but there sure were some strange lights. Talk of it being a funny lightning storm but I've never seen any lightning like it before."

He'd started to walk further down the harbour side and I followed, carefully noting that he looked to be about in his fifties.

I let him talk on, making notes as I went about the small boats that were now frequently showing up with boxes being unloaded but nothing being noted in the port office to state what had arrived. It was clearly smuggling but it had been seen by too many people for it to go unreported so it was even worse; it was sloppy smuggling.

I could see at the very end of the harbour side an old disused warehouse and I gently pointed in that direction.

"Tell me Mr Task, what's in there?"

I saw the strangest thing. Bob Task looked in the direction of the building but his eyes completely passed over it. He didn't see it.

"Oh, nothing…" he waved at it vaguely before directing me to the port office. "Here, let's show you the itinerary of what's come through."

I spent a further twenty minutes with the muggle, making a note of his comments and magically copying the port itinerary and time table when he wasn't looking. We shook hands as I exited the port office and I bent down to pretend to fix the buckle on my ankle boot as he made his way back down the harbour side. As soon as he was out of sight I straightened and made my way to the abandoned building. He couldn't see it but I could which made me immediately think there were charms on it to deter muggles.

Sure enough as I got to the doors I felt the hairs on my arm raise slightly as though there was a faint charge in the air. There had been magic here and strong magic by the feel of the place. The door opened easily enough and I slipped through, wand at the ready. A quick spell revealed there was no other life here and I relaxed my shoulders slightly. The warehouse for the most part was empty but there were disturbances on the floor that showed that something had been recently stored here. There were also scorch marks. I delved back into my bag and took out some clear jars and took some samples from each spot. I spent another few minutes using spells to check for what activity could have taken place but they revealed nothing substantial just that magic certainly had been here.

I sighed heavily. This meant more work. We would have to make a note of the timing of the unloading of the undocumented goods and see if anyone could trace when they were moved. Without that we were clueless as to what had been brought in and just as importantly why. At least there were no inside out fish which I took to be a blessing. My unsettled stomach I don't think could have handled it.

I stepped back out into the sunlight and apparated back to the Ministry. I peered around the door to see that the office was still quiet and after hurrying to deposit the muggle police badge back I scuttled to my desk and hunkered down at my desk so no one could see me. I'd already deposited the samples for testing so I set about writing up my notes.

"There you are!"

My arm jerked in surprise, a spurt of ink ruining half of what I'd written. I scowled in annoyance at the individual who had so startled me.

"Oh thanks a bunch Percy!" I tried siphoning off the excess ink. "I might have to start over now."

"Sorry Llewellyn. We've been looking for you all morning, it's an emergency."

I glanced up in concern but he just gestured down at my parchment.

"Please just finish that as quickly as you can."

It was hard to concentrate with Percy hovering by my desk, clearly agitated, but I did my best to ignore him although I couldn't help but wonder what was the emergency. My notes were not as detailed as they should have been but they would do. I capped the ink and chucked my quill on to the desk.

"Right, what is it?"

"Hermione needs you."

The words sent a chill through me and I stood in alarm.

"What?"

"Ron didn't get paired with her. Ron got Luna."

Percy's face looked grim as I struggled to take in that information.

 _Ron and_ Luna? _How will they ever work?_

"Percy…who did Hermione get?"

I felt like I had a lead weight in my stomach. For this to be the reaction...Merlin what if it happened to be someone like Zabini or Malfoy?

"She got Fred."

I sat back down heavily as my jaw dropped.

"No."

 _I can't believe it_.

"Please Non she's been asking for you, they're looking to appeal and she says she needs you."

I stood up on slightly wobbly legs.

"How – how can they have done that? That's awful. For all of them, that's just awful."

Percy nodded his head in agreement, a clear frown on his face.

"She's distraught. Ron is, well I think he's in shock. And Fred is furious. Not that he shows it clearly but…" he trailed off helplessly.

My heart felt heavy just thinking of the three of them. Ron and Hermione had been destined for each other, had faced all sorts of ups and downs and were finally together even if they were still ironing out issues in their relationship. Ron had never loved anyone else. Hermione had never loved anyone else. Fred had considered Hermione as a sister for years, how could he even possibly marry her let alone knowing she was the love of his youngest brother's life? I shook my head in disgust. The Ministry had a lot to answer for.

"Of course I'll help. Where is she?"

"She's at The Burrow. We've all been looking over as many legal texts as we can but I think she needs a friend more than help. Non…I don't think their appeal can win."

I bit my lip in concern as I gathered my things before I released a heavy sigh.

"Right. Lead the way."

It seemed in no time at all I was back outside The Burrow.

We'd only taken one step before a thought flashed across my mind and I stopped and grabbed Percy's arm.

"Percy did…did Ginny get Harry?"

 _Oh please say she did._

"Yes."

"Oh thank Merlin."

"I know, one other disaster avoided anyway. Right come on then Non, we're all out back at the moment as we needed the space. Not sure how much Ron's been helping but the twins have been here all morning too. Non why have you stopped?"

The twins.

George.

 _George Weasley._

I'd frozen in my tracks again as I heard Percy and I had to bite back a laugh that wanted to escape. Merlin I'd actually managed to forget that I'd been paired with George but at the mention of the twins my stomach had flipped with the standard nerves again and I felt a shooting pain in my chest. At this rate I was going to have a heart attack. I shot a glance at Percy's face. He seemed genuinely confused as to why I wasn't moving.

 _Could it be he doesn't know?_

I wondered at that. Perhaps the shock of Hermione and Fred being paired together meant that no one knew yet that George had been paired with me. Satisfied Percy didn't seem to know I waved him off. If he didn't know yet I certainly wasn't ready to say anything.

"I just thought I'd forgotten to do something at work…nothing important."

"Oh good, right here we are then." He bundled me through the front door quickly shutting it behind me before ushering me down the hall way in front of him. The Weasley's hall was cluttered with an overflowing coat rack and a mound of shoes lined up near the back door. I quickly moved to take off my boots as Percy did the same, balancing on one leg as I tugged at my right boot.

"Oh by the way Non, welcome to the family."

I fell over.

"What?"

Percy was looking down at me in clear amusement and I narrowed my eyes at him. The git knew about George.

"You…you…"

He ignored my sputtering as he grabbed hold of my arm to pull me up. He kept shooting me amused glances as I removed my second boot.

"Come on then they're all out back."

He tried to tug my arm but I remained unmoving.

"Percy I can't."

I did not want to see George Weasley. I wasn't ready.

"Well I can't say I blame you, being stuck with one of the twins for life is bound to send you barmy but honestly, I'm sure you'll find a way to cope. Just give him things to blow up and he'll be happy."

It had come to something that Percy Weasley was trying to make a joke to make me feel better but I couldn't even manage a smile.

"Hermione really needs you."

I hadn't really needed his soft reminder but I nodded my understanding anyway and squared my shoulders.

"Right. Yes of course. Lead on."

"You know Non you aren't going in to battle."

"Well it bloody feels like it…"

I trailed off as we got to the back door to reveal a glimpse of the garden. There were three tables set up covered in books. Hermione and Ginny were at one end. Fred and George were at the other. My stomach lurched. The sun was shining here although not as brightly as it had been near Newcastle and while I knew it would be slightly rude I couldn't stop myself. I put my sunglasses on. They helped me feel far less vulnerable where I could read other people's expressions, okay _George's_ expression, without them really seeing mine. I also surreptitiously looked around for Mrs Weasley but was thankful I couldn't see her. I'd only met her once very briefly and didn't want today to be the day our acquaintance was renewed with me set to be a future daughter in law.

I slapped a hand over my mouth to stop another laugh and tried to cover it up as a cough and kept my eyes focused on Hermione and Ginny.

"Non!"

Hermione cried out in relief as she rushed over to me and I could see one of the twins jerk upright at the sound of my name but I studiously ignored glancing in that direction for now.

"Oh Mione, I've just heard, oh lovely I'm sorry."

I kept my voice low so it wouldn't carry. I didn't think Fred would appreciate it and as Hermione hugged me I used the opportunity to look over her shoulder and study the twins. I had to fight against recoiling at Fred's expression. He wasn't looking at us but gazing dead ahead and he was _pissed_. His jaw was clenched with what I could only assume was suppressed anger and even from this distance his eyes looked stormy. It was so strange to see one of the twins angry it was highly unnerving. I chanced a quick look at George. I couldn't read him at all. He was sat ramrod straight in his chair and was looking at us but his face was completely expressionless. My heart beat furiously and I quickly turned my attention back to my friend.

There were pink spots on Hermione's cheeks and her eyes were bright and slightly red rimmed. She'd clearly been crying.

"Percy said you were appealing?"

At my question Hermione snapped straight back into action and dragged me across to the table trying to update me on what they'd done so far. I listened patiently as she listed of the points they would be contesting on. There was only one point I thought might possibly work.

"Okay I think your strongest argument is that you and Ron were in a good relationship so this new one shouldn't usurp it. Have you managed to get the report from the Ministry to show their workings?"

"Yes, yes it's here. I got it yesterday as the appeal is tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?!" I spluttered. "But that's ridiculous, that's not enough time."

"It's because it's them. Two of the Golden Trio, there's going to be a huge stink over this publicity wise and the Ministry can't afford it."

Ginny ground the words out as she stabbed at a piece of parchment that contained Hermione's scribbled writing and she reached out to grab my hand.

"Hi Non."

"Hi Gin."

I squeezed her hand back rather harder than I meant and she shot me a contemplative look before glancing down the tables at the twins. She was just opening her mouth to say something else when Hermione found the report and shoved it at me.

It was ugly reading. I now understood why Percy thought their appeal couldn't win. As far as the formula the Ministry had used to calculate successful relationships went… Hermione and Ron's results were awful and my face dropped. I mean yes they argued a lot and Ron wasn't always the most thoughtful when it came to Hermione's feelings but I hadn't ever thought they were so badly matched as this report said. I opened my mouth to say something but I shut it as I watched Hermione desperately flip through legal texts. She was too clever to not know this appeal was hopeless but she knew she still had to try. There really was nothing I could say.

I sat back heavily in my seat to read through the report again.

 _George Weasley_.

My heart leapt unpleasantly at just the thought of his name. I pretended to read the report keeping my face looking downwards as I used the cover of my sunglasses to look at George out of the corner of my eye. It took me a few goes as my nerves rocketed every time my eyes landed on him before I took a deep breath and tried again. He was leant forward slightly left arm flat on the table as he read the book in front of him while his right hand tapped out a rhythm against the table's edge. His short cropped red hair stood slightly on end as though he'd run his hands through it. There seemed to be a slight tension across his broad shoulders but I didn't know him well enough to tell that for sure and that really was the crux of it, how was I be supposed to marry this man I didn't even know?

The next couple of hours passed in similar fashion, with us all reading through books and reports, knowing it was hopeless but not wanting to say so to Hermione, whilst I continued to observe George as much as I dared. We were all abnormally quiet.

Fred finally pushed back from the table in headed back into the house and George followed him without a word.

"So, you and George hey?"

Ginny's murmur startled me and I snapped my head around to look at her, unaware that I had been so obviously following George's movements and I felt a light blush cross my face.

"Er, yeah. Apparently so."

I fiddled with my sunglasses before pushing them up to sit on my head so I could look at Ginny properly.

"Were you actually going to say anything?"

"I don't know Gin. I'm still processing it I think. I think I'd have preferred a few more days before having to face up to it."

I bit my lip nervously as she took in my answer but she thankfully had a soft smile on her face.

"I figured. I don't blame you either. This is all going to take some…adjusting."

I released a heavy sigh and catching movement at the back door of the house I quickly pushed my sunglasses back on to my face.

"Subtle Non, really subtle."

"Well, I do try."

"I'm glad he got someone like you."

My breath froze in my chest at Ginny's words and I grabbed her hand and squeezed before she continued. I hadn't realised how worried I'd been about her reaction until I'd heard her reassuring words.

"And I'm glad you got someone like him. Sure I'm biased, but he's one of the good ones Non."

I squeezed her hand again in thanks before I let it go and sat back, glancing to my right to see who had sat back at the table and couldn't stop a snort of laughter escaping before I clapped a hand over my mouth.

George Weasley had sat back down at the table having turned his chair to face us, with the most oversized pair of polka dot framed sunglasses on his face that were at a wonk given the fact he only had one ear to support them. My laughter died when I realised he was apparently staring right at me and I flushed red. Shit. I really hadn't been subtle.

I ignored Ginny's light giggle while Hermione bless her was completely oblivious. I stared at the page in front of me furiously trying to get my blush under control.

 _This is mortifying._

I was such a prat. I should have just done the mature thing and gone to say hello when I'd arrived after I'd spoken with Hermione. Then again he could always have come over to say hello to me. It wasn't easy for either of us I decided and I would always chose the option of avoidance where I could.

After half hour of pointedly not looking in his direction I felt a soft nudge at my foot and I looked up to see Ginny point to her brother. I risked a glance to see that George had now stood and appeared to be waiting.

"Just go talk to him. I'll stay with Mione."

I started chewing on my lip before I took a deep breath. I surely couldn't leave him standing there for long. Taking a deep breath and praying my legs weren't visibly shaking I walked around the table. As I started to move George walked slightly ahead of me to lead up to the back porch. I made it to the top of the wooden steps and leant back against the bannister, nonchalantly placing my left arm out on it trying to disguise I was holding on to it for support. George leant back against the opposite bannister with his arms folded.

I took a few moments to gather myself before I braved looking at him, ridiculously pleased he couldn't see my eyes. My lips twitched into a smile at the sight of the wonky sunglasses on his face and a small answering smile appeared on his face.

"Hello."

My stomach lurched at the sound of his voice.

"Hi."

This was painful. I hadn't been able to talk to George properly even before this stupid law. I desperately wanted to be anywhere else.

"Alright?"

I could see him wince slightly and felt an absurd need to put him at ease.

"Ye-yeah, I mean I guess. A-are you?"

My lip was going to face permanent damage at the rate I was chewing on it. I could see his eyebrow furrow before he took off the sunglasses he levelled me with a serious stare. It was strange for him not to be smiling or grinning down at me.

"I think so." The corner of his mouth quirked slightly. "It was certainly a surprise seeing your name."

I didn't dare ask if it was a good or bad surprise.

"I know that feeling."

He snorted softly before unfolding his arms and straightening to stand up properly. He must have about four to five inches on me in height. He wasn't exceptionally tall but then I was myself on the short side. I didn't have to crane my neck up to look at him like I normally had to do with Percy and Ron.

"Look my mum is due back soon and I didn't know if you wanted to meet her?"

 _No I most certainly do not_.

But I couldn't say that out loud.

"Um.."

What on earth could I say? How could I say no without causing offence, Merlin did George _want_ me to meet her now?

"Non Non…"

"What? Oh!" I flushed, recalling our last conversation outside The Burrow. Oh crap I'd even told him I thought any witch would be lucky to get him. George appeared to take pity on me as I stood there unable to hide my embarrassment.

"It's just that my mum can be, well, I'm not sure how to put this politely, over-bearing? Over-zealous? Really she's just a bit _mum_. I wasn't sure if you wanted to go through that today."

"Well, I-I'd prefer not to meet her just yet if-if that's alright with you? Unless you want me to?"

"I would never be so unfeeling as to put you through it before you had to."

There was a twinkle back in his eye and I felt a surge of relief that he was getting back to what I supposed was his normal self.

"I'm sure your mam's not _that_ bad _."_

"Oh trust me, she is."

I smiled softly before I looked around and cought sight of Hermione and I frowned.

"I should probably stay for Hermione though, she's well…"

"She won't notice you've gone Non."

Hermione had a fevered look on her face and she looked like she'd started muttering to herself and she desperately flicked through another book. I supposed he was right.

"Where's Ron?"

I hadn't seen him since I'd arrived but I hadn't wanted to ask Ginny when Hermione was right there.

The twinkle left George's eye and whatever smile was lingering on his face disappeared.

"He's in his room, hasn't left it all day. He just says Hermione will fix it."

"That sounds like Ron. H-How's Fred?"

George's grimace and shake of his head in response said more than any words could I was sure.

"Right. What a mess." I scuffed my shoe on the floor before I too straightened up, letting go of the bannister. "I suppose I should be going then?"

"I'll walk you out, spare you an encounter with your soon to be in law while I can."

He'd tried to joke but we both visibly cringed.

"Well, at least you'll never have to go through that ordeal."

"Why, you going to keep me hidden from your parents forever? I hadn't thought my reputation was quite that bad."

George grinned over his shoulder at me and I stumbled slightly.

Well shit, I thought he'd known about my parents.

"Erm no, not quite…" I bent down to put my shoes on once we reached the hallway to try and buy some time.

"My parents, are um, they died in the war George."

His grin froze before it slid off his face and he looked sick and I rushed to continue.

"Sorry I just thought people knew, I wouldn't have just said it like that if I knew you didn't know, shit George I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Merlin Non, I should be apologising not you that's…well _I'm_ sorry."

He ran a nervous hand through his hair as he rocked back on his heels as I stood up and I fiddled nervously with the strap of my bag.

"There's no need George."

The silence stretched awkwardly until George cleared his throat and opened the door.

"Well, I am sorry anyway, even if it means I don't have to face a scary father."

There was the slight hint of a tease in his voice and I bit on my lip trying to stop them smiling. Smiling probably wasn't appropriate right now. George opened the door and gestured for me to step outside as he followed me.

"Well my father was a very scary man, he was an Unspeakable, so I'd say you've lucked out."

I kept my voice light to show I wasn't upset. I didn't often speak about my parents, it had been near enough six years since they'd died and whilst I often felt the weight of grief settle on my if I thought of them too long I found speaking in a deliberately care free or detached manner made it bearable. I ducked my head slightly tucking my hair behind my right ear and caught my fingers on my sunglasses. I bit my lip again before taking a deep breath and pushed them up to sit on top of my head. The day had clouded over, I really didn't need them and really I supposed I'd been quite rude enough.

I heard George release a huge breath of air and I glanced up at him quizzically to see he was staring intently at me.

"You aren't upset."

"What about my parents? No, please don't worry about that."

"No I meant, well yes about themtoo, but I meant about – about us."

My confusion must have been obvious.

"I thought that's why you were wearing the sunglasses. To hide that you were upset."

 _He thought I'd been crying_.

"Oh! Oh no, I'm just more in shock actually. I-I don't think I'm going to be very good at this."

"This?"

I took a breath wondering how to explain what I was feeling when I myself couldn't make sense of my emotions clearly.

"I mean, what's happening to us. I'm not good at relationships", I cursed the blush that spread over my face at the word, "I tend to prefer to avoid situations that make me feel…" I trailed off not sure how to finish.

"I'll bear that in mind."

There was a crooked smile on George's face but I couldn't read the emotion in his eyes, more due to the fact that I couldn't maintain eye contact with him. I ducked my head again fighting another blush as I realised we'd come to a stop the same place where he'd kissed me last week. Merlin, I'd even forgotten about that. In my embarrassment I stuck my hand out to say goodbye before I realised what I was doing.

My horror must have shown on my face as George bit back a laugh as he grabbed hold of my outstretched hand. His was much larger than mine and I could feel callouses on his skin.

"Oh Merlin", I closed my eyes in mortification. "I've turned into Ernie Macmillan."

A proper laugh burst from George at that and he started to shake my hand vigorously.

"Well it was absolutely splendid to see you Non, I must say I can't believe the Ministry have foisted this ridiculous law on us but us Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs always stick together and we have been through worse eh?"

His impression was so spot on, right down to the puffed out chest Ernie was so fond of when he finished one of his pep talks that I creased over laughing. It was a true laugh, not one of my hysterical outbursts from recent days for which I was thankful.

When my laughter died back I drew my hand back as George allowed his arm to swing to his side. I fiddled with the strap of my bag again unable to meet his gaze.

"Well I'll be going then."

"Will you be at the appeal tomorrow?"

I had half turned to go but his question made me pause and I glanced over my shoulder at him and nodded.

"Alright. See you tomorrow then."

"Yeah alright. Bye George."

"Bye. Non Non."

I shot him an irritated glance at that but he just grinned at me before turning to head back to The Burrow. I watched him for a moment but quickly spun around as he turned his head. I took out my wand and with a resounding crack I apparated to my home in Wales.

I sank into a kitchen chair and rested my head on the table and let out a heavy sigh. That hadn't been as unbearably awkward as it could have been although there had been plenty of bad patches but I found it difficult to focus on George. My mind settled back on to Hermione, Ron and Fred and my heart felt heavy for them.

The appeal tomorrow was going to be unpleasant but I knew even as I grimaced at the thought that I would have to be there for both my friend Hermione and my colleague Ron. I wondered if the powers that be in the Ministry truly understood the damage their law would cause regardless of their ultimate aim. Somehow, I didn't think they did.

 **A/N:** hello. Welcome to my new followers, glad you're along for the ride. How did you all like it? I'd love it if you could let me know by a review. This is the first story I've tried writing in first person so I'd appreciate any feedback you guys have over how well I'm doing or where you think I could improve. Thanks again for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 5

I could hear the buzzing sound of many whispering voices the closer I got to the Wizengamot. I fumed inwardly that the appeals were being held down here, even more so when I paused at the open door to see that whilst members of the public hadn't been allowed in the press had been given free access.

I had been running late this morning, my anxiety exhaustion had made it very difficult to leave my comfy bed. I had wanted nothing more than to bury my head under my pillow and pretend like this marriage law just wasn't happening. I hadn't been in the right frame of mind either when I had showered and gotten dressed, catching sight of my plain reflection and wondering just how on earth a popular war hero such as George could ever be happy with a non-entity such as me.

I bit my bottom lip lightly as I considered the room in front of me and what my next steps should be.

Hermione, Ron and Fred were stood in a line facing the appeals panel. Harry I could see was stood just behind and to the side of Ron. On the far side sat along one of the benches were Mr Weasley, Percy and George. I studiously ignored the surge of nerves I felt as I clocked sight of George and continued scanning the room. The benches to the right side of the appeal panel were full of the press but I quickly noted the only way they could get down to the main floor was via a small set of stairs. There were two clerks guarding that but they would be completely ineffective against the rush of the press should they surge down to try and interview Hermione, Ron and Fred. That then would be the best place to stand.

I took a moment to straighten my auror robes before making my slow way over there. Technically I should be going to sit with the three Weasley men as the aurors hadn't been asked to provide any sort of security but I knew I could be far more help if I could delay the press than any simple hand holding would do. I ducked my head slightly, tucking my hair behind my ear as I came to a stop by one of the clerks and gave them a polite smile before I stood before the stair well entrance, my back to the press as I faced the room. I had learnt fairly early in my auror training that my small figure and plain demeanour made me appear very unthreatening to most people that I often went unopposed when I placed myself in places I really shouldn't be. I didn't know if it was because I was so unforgettable but people generally never seemed to _see_ me, not truly. Which really in this instance was all to the good.

I let my eyes scan the figures stood in front of me. Hermione looked very wan with dark circles under her eyes. I doubt very much she'd gotten any sleep. Her hands were white as she gripped her bundle of parchment tightly in front of her. I managed to catch her eye and give her a small smile of encouragement. Ron looked lost. His skin was scarily pale and I could see his freckles quite clearly from where I stood. His blue eyes he kept gazing down at his feet, hands in his pockets. Fred stood straight, arms folded and his square jaw clenched angrily as he gazed dead ahead at the panel as though he could intimidate them in to changing their mind. As I glanced at Harry he caught my gaze before his eyes noted where I was standing and he gave me one, very small nod of approval.

I finished my perusal of the room by looking again at the three Weasley men. Mr Weasley was looking uncharacteristically serious as he stared at Ron as though willing him on to stand strong. Percy was distracted by the parchment in front of him before he leant across to whisper something to George. My eyes followed his movement and I felt a surge of adrenaline shoot through me when my eyes reached George to see he was already looking at me. We were far enough apart that I couldn't see his expression clearly but I gave him a small nod of acknowledgement before I turned my gaze ahead waiting for the appeal to start. I hadn't even wanted to do that but given that he'd obviously seen me it would have been far too rude to ignore him.

It was difficult to keep my gaze dead ahead when I could swear I could still feel eyes on me but I refused to look back towards the Weasley's side of the room. The murmuring of the press behind me finally quietened and the appeal began.

The clerks either side of me were scribbling away furiously as Hermione set out their arguments. To her credit her voice hardly waivered, cracking only once and I could see Ron half put his hand out to comfort her before strangely he returned his arm to his side. The arguments Hermione had managed to put together were actually better than I thought she could have managed but I should have known better. This was _Hermione_ , she made the impossible seem possible often. I felt the mood shift in the panel as though they were seriously considering the points Hermione had made.

"And what points would you wish to make Mr Weasley?"

The lead panellist was staring intently at Ron who just goggled back at her, utterly taken aback.

"That is Mr Ronald Weasley, for clarification." I could see her smiling encouragingly at Ron. That was good, the panel were sympathetic.

I glanced back at Ron though and my heart sank. He looked utterly stunned and kept glancing towards Hermione nervously. He clearly hadn't thought he'd have to say anything.

"Erm, well, I agree with what Hermione said."

"I see."

I had to hide a wince at that, fearing Ron had missed a clear opportunity. Part of the report on them had been that their relationship was too one sided, that Ron placed too much weight on Hermione to do things and his inability here to say anything of his own only reinforced that. I had to fight not to bite my lip when it was Fred's turn to speak.

"All I can say is that it's clear for anyone who knows them that my brother loves Hermione and she loves him. This law should not come between them. Pair me with Luna Lovegood, that way there will be four people with a chance to move forward."

There was only a slight roughness to his voice that betrayed the strong emotions he was clearly feeling but otherwise Fred's voice rang out clearly. He'd even offered to switch pairings with Ron, oviously thinking of Luna through all of this as well and at that I did bite my lip. I had messaged Luna but had received no response and I felt a surge of guilt for not having yet sought her out. Now seeing how thoroughly unprepared Ron was I doubt he had taken the time to see her himself.

The three panellists above me were muttering quietly amongst themselves and they were taking so long I could hear the press start to fidget and mutter. Thinks were going to come to a close soon I could sense as I carefully lowered my arms and let my wand slip into my right hand from where it had been stored under my right forearm. As quietly and with as little wand movement as I could I sent a small shield spell to the entrance to the steps, invisible to the eye.

"Miss Granger, Mr Weasley and Mr Weasley. We are not unmoved by your appeal and are most sympathetic to your situation. Given the formula the Ministry has produced to ensure the best possible pairings we have to place our faith in that system. Please be assured that it has been researched _thoroughly_. Whilst your statements were all, er, moving", I bit my lip at the hesitation "we have decided on a majority of two to one to stick with the Ministry's findings. Your appeal is denied."

The shocked gasps from around the room were audible and I watched in dismay as Hermione visibly crumpled, bent over as though she'd received a heavy blow, trying to cover her face with the parchment in her hands. I gazed frantically at Ron hoping he would go to her but he looked like he'd been stunned. The seconds ticked by before I could see colour start to flood his face and he was soon bright red, a sure sign his temper was close to the surface. I could hear the press behind me struggling to get past my shield but I didn't dare turn my attention to them just yet. I watched as Ron let out a strangled gasp before he turned to leave the room. He hovered agonizingly by Hermione.

 _Oh please, please just hold her._

But he didn't. I could see his eyes tear up as he shook his head silently before storming out of the room. Harry paused for moment by Hermione, hand on her shoulder before he sped after Ron. I just had time to see Fred walk over to Hermione and put his arms around her before I felt the first nudge at my back and I spun around to face the greedy press. I plastered a neutral expression on my face.

"Sorry everyone, there'll be no comment today."

 _Keep calm Non, just breath, get Hermione out of the room unscathed_.

I repeated the mantra to myself as I stared the press down. Many were ignoring my words as they raised their camera's up to snap as many pictures as they could. Soon the pressure of them surging forward saw my small shield falter and I had to deal with them one by one. Strategic blocks from my elbow and a couple of feet being _accidently_ stamped on saw them get a bit nervous to move around me, but I cursed silently to see some of the more industrious members of the press scramble over the front of the bench, heedless of the long drop beneath them to the floor.

"Really everyone please, allow them their privacy, you've got enough to write your articles."

I kept my voice light and polite and thankfully a number did sink down. I could not stop however the gossip rags photographers and reporters from rushing forward. Their numbers however were more manageable.

I trailed two photographers and a reporter that were making a beeline for Hermione and Fred. I glanced to my right and managed to catch Percy's eye and gestured with my head for him to head towards Hermione and Fred and he nodded his understanding. It would be far easier for me to protect one group then worry about the press harassing them all individually for comment. I felt a lurch of worry. What if they started questioning George about his own pairing? It wouldn't do for yet another auror to be thrust into the spotlight as I would inevitably be given the Weasley's status as famous in the magical world. Beckett would throw a hissy fit; he hated having high profile members of staff.

Thankfully Percy and George joined them quickly and I could see Mr Weasley slip out through the door, no doubt going after Ron. I walked quietly up behind one of the photographers and just as he was about to take a photo I casually yanked on the back of his robes, jerking his camera up and ruining his shot. I ignored his protestations as I quickly stepped in front of the second photographer keeping my back to him again spoiling his shot.

"Everything alright here?"

I kept my voice neutral, and Hermione peeped a look at me as she finally lifted her head from where it had been buried in Fred's shoulder. She did not look alright.

"Of course we are! Fred here was just going to answer my little question, I can call you Fred, can't I?"

The woman's voice was grating and as I turned to look who it was I had to bite back a sneer. Rita Skeeter. Of course. She looked like Christmas had come early as she took in Hermione's tears and Fred's angry face. Her disgusting green quill was already writing furiously on the parchment hovering beside her.

"Pardon me Ms Skeeter I must stop you. The press were supposed to stay on the benches. There's to be no interviewing of the appellants."

Now technically I wasn't sure that was strictly true but given the majority of the press had stayed seated I would place a strong bet that I had guessed right.

Skeeter sent me an irritated glare but I could see her pause when she clocked the auror badge on my robes. Good.

"Now now, I'm sure one teensy question won't hurt surely, Miss…?"

She tried to fish for my name but there was no way I was giving it to her.

"No questions I'm afraid. And please tell your photographers if they take any more pictures I'll be forced to confiscate their equipment."

I said all of this in a gentle voice and a soft smile.

"Hey you can't do that!"

I heard one of the photographers huff as he tried to push past me but a strategically placed elbow paused his momentum and he glared at me, rubbing at his side. I smiled sweetly.

"How about this sir, I confiscate your camera, you take a nice little walk with me to the auror department while we process your complaint. Either way it will take at least twenty four hours for you to get your equipment back. Suppose that scuppers your deadline hmm?"

"Well I think that's a bit extreme hey Roy? We've got what we need anyway."

Skeeter sidled up talking to her photographers and placing her hand on his arm, her long fake nails a hideous violet shade sinking in to grip.

"Although quite why the aurors have sent in reinforcements I don't know. A bit heavy handed?"

She directed that barb at me and I bit back my annoyance.

"Unfortunately Ms Skeeter if we could trust the press to stick to their limits then we wouldn't need to be here."

I smiled as I said my delivery, deliberately keeping my tone calm and reasonable but I could see by the narrowing of her eyes and slight pursing of her lips that she caught my returning barb. She grabbed the other photographer and dragged them off a short distance, whispering furiously and shooting looks at us over her shoulder.

I spun back around and mindful of Skeeter still being so close I decided it best to keep up the act.

"Right Weasley, where do you need to go? I'll escort you there but be quick about it, I've got things to do today."

I directed this at Percy allowing feigned irritation to lace my voice. Percy drew in a breath and puffed his chest out slightly, taking on his pompous role.

"Just up to our department please."

His tone was snappy and completely impersonal and I was pleased to note he hadn't used my name. Even better.

"Right, head down to the lift then please."

I gestured with my arm the direction for them to walk. Fred, Hermione and Percy needed no prompting but George hovered momentarily by me and I glanced up at him. His brow was furrowed and he actually opened his mouth to say something. I narrowed me eyes before slightly inclining my head in the direction we needed to be going. His brow smoothed but I could still see the confusion in his brown eyes. Thankfully he seemed to take the hint and started walking without any further delay.

I cursed silently at how busy it was at the lift with more people arriving to appeal and just the general hubbub of ministry workers moving to different departments. It was a bit of a squeeze getting in to the lift. I could see Hermione wedged firmly between Percy and Fred at the back of the lift, she looked like they were the only things holding her up. George pushed forward as much as he could but neither of us could get close to them. As the lift doors closed and a cool female voice announced 'Level Four' I quickly turned to face the front and set myself to relax into the jolting movements of the lift as I fought to keep myself calm.

There were far too many people in the lift for my liking and each time I was jostled I could feel my anxiety rising. I tried to focus on keeping my breathing calm but it seemed every time the lift changed direction or speed I was knocked into and I was uncomfortably aware of the presence of George behind me who was just as frequently being pushed against me. Thankfully at the next stop most of the other inhabitants vacated the lift and I quickly moved away from the centre to stand near the side. There was just one other person remaining besides our group.

My relief was short lived as the cool female voice spoke again

"Level 2 – Department of Magical Games and Sports."

 _Oh shit._

"Hold on!" I cried out as handles automatically appeared on the walls of the lift and I latched on. A freckled hand clamped down on top of mine and I didn't have time to object as the lift gave an almighty lurch. Whoever had designed the lift in years gone by had clearly had a twisted sense of humour as the route to the Department of Magical Games and Sports was the worst one in the whole Ministry. High speeds, twists, lunges, emergency stops and turns it was almost impossible to keep your feet. Sure enough after blasting off at high speed there was a sudden change in direction and I found myself squashed up against the side of the lift before the momentum shifted and I was spun back out again, the death grip of the hand on my hand on the handle the only thing keeping me upright. As the lift decided to shoot backwards an arm clamped around my middle.

I scowled in annoyance but had to bite back a shriek as the lift plummeted downwards. I was so light my body started lifting in the air, the toes of my shoes just scraping along the floor and I found myself weirdly glad for a moment of the anchoring weight of the arm around me but the moment was short lived as the lift came to a jarring halt and I just about managed to stay on my feet as the doors pinged open.

The wizard that was destined for this floor got up slowly from where he'd fallen, groaning quietly. I let out a heavy sigh and was glad when the arm disappeared from my middle and I chanced a glance behind me. George Weasley was out of breath but had a huge grin on his face.

"That was amazing!"

 _What a lunatic._

"That's not quite the word I would choose."

I heard Percy snort in agreement as he clambered to his feet before moving to help Hermione and Fred who had also fallen. I wiggled the fingers on my left hand and George snatched his hand back finally releasing mine as the handle disappeared back into the lift wall. I was almost sure a blush was starting to appear on his face but the voice of the lift distracted me and I turned to face the front again for the next part of the journey that would take us to our destination in the legal department.

 _Finally_.

The legal department was blissfully quiet compared to everywhere else and I guessed that many members of staff were still making the most of making up their leave after doing so much overtime to process the marriage law. We all trailed after Percy and the moment we entered his office and the door had closed I turned to Hermione who all but flung herself at me. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and I could feel her shoulders shuddering with suppressed sobs. I hadn't a clue what to say but perhaps this moment wasn't meant for words.

I glanced behind her to see Fred was leant against Percy's desk, arms folded and his gaze fixed firmly on Hermione and I wondered just what the hell he could be thinking. Ron hadn't gone to Hermione to comfort her at the verdict, Fred had. That was a mark of the kind of man he was I supposed. I just wished Ron had stopped to hug Hermione, just to have done _something_ but then I remember the absolute anguish on his face. Perhaps he really couldn't have done it without breaking himself.

Hermione sniffled as she moved backwards wiping her face.

"He didn't…"

"I know."

I squeezed her hand not having needed her to finish the sentence to know she was talking about Ron.

"I don't…I don't know what to do."

None of us in the room could answer her, because what on earth was there to say? Hermione true to her character though took a deep shuddering breath before straightening up. Her eyes were now dry and I could see a burning anger start to form.

"He didn't do anything."

"He was…"

I trailed off as she shot a look at me.

"Don't defend him. Just don't."

I chewed on my lip. This was going to get a bit tricky. Hermione was my friend but I worked with Ron every day and that in itself instilled loyalty as all of us aurors had to trust each other.

"Okay, I won't." I said it more firmly than I felt it. "But if you need time or space or what have you, you can always stay at mine if you want."

I hadn't planned to say that but now the words left my mouth they seemed right. Hermione and Ron were renowned for their fights and I couldn't imagine they'd get much peace in their tiny flat going forward. Hermione bristled.

"I am not giving up the flat."

"No! no of course not, I just meant if you needed a break. That's all."

"Yeah of course. I should have known you'd side with him. He just did _nothing_ Non, nothing. But sure lets have me leave the flat, it would be horrible to inconvenience him."

"What? No Hermione, I didn't mean it like that!"

The flat glare she sent me said she didn't believe me and I bit my lip.

"You're just like Harry. I should have expected this really, you aurors do love to stick together."

Hermione's tone was scathing and I tried to hide the hurt I felt. She was my friend but I couldn't but help to see how Ron was hurting too, even if I did think he'd blown their chances.

 _She's just upset Non, she doesn't mean it._

"Hermione please, that's not true."

She wasn't listening though, she was busy sorting through her pieces of parchment and straightening her robes.

"I've got to go, why don't you run along and see how _Ron_ is doing."

"Wha-? Hermione no! Please!"

But she was already half way out the door.

"I'll go."

Fred's voice stopped me after I'd taken two steps to the door to go after her and he stormed past me, the door shutting with a bang behind him.

There was a strained silence in the room and I huffed out a heavy sigh.

"Well, fuck."

"Language Llewellyn. Honestly, do you always have to swear?"

I shot Percy a half- hearted glare.

"If the situation calls for it, yes."

He rolled his eyes in response.

"Well I have to deal with this quickly," he brandished a piece of parchment at me, "but can you wait here? I need to go over something with you before you head back down to work."

"Alright," I agreed, wondering just what favour Percy was going to ask me for this time.

"I won't be long George", Percy called over his shoulder as he left the room, shutting the door quietly.

I felt my shoulders stiffen at George's name. I'd almost forgotten he was in the room but now he was the only one left in here with me. I turned to him with a pained smile.

"Hello."

"Hi."

Silence stretched between us and it felt unbearably awkward. I didn't have anything to say to George. I only wanted to either go after Hermione or given the death glare she'd sent me perhaps my better bet was to go down to the auror department to help Harry manage Ron. Given the shade of red Ron had turned I had no doubt he was currently in the process of trashing one of the training rooms and the senior aurors would make our lives hell if the damage wasn't contained. I really did not want to be stuck in this room.

"You really don't want to be here, do you?"

My heart gave a lurch and I thought for one stupid moment he had read my mind and I ducked me head as I glanced across at him.

"That obvious?"

A crooked smile lifted one corner of his mouth as he leant back against a filing cabinet, arms crossed.

"I'm afraid so, although I'll admit" and here he leant forward towards me and made a show of checking the room was empty before throwing me a wink "I don't want to be here either."

I felt my own mouth twitch into a smile as I leant back against Percy's desk, my arms crossing to mirror George.

"Well at least it's not just me."

"We can be in awkward solidarity together. Say, we should start a club."

"A club?"

George nodded his head enthusiastically as he let his arms fall to his side.

"Yes. The Non And George Awkward Silence Solidarity Society."

"NAGASSS?" I snorted out a laugh.

"Of course. Hey, I'll even let you be chairman."

"You're too kind."

"Don't tell anyone else that, I've a reputation to uphold you know."

George winked at me again and I rolled my eyes but I couldn't help a fuller smile appearing. Silence descended again but at least this time it was partially less awkward.

I felt a nudge at my foot and forced my gaze back to George who paused to look at me for a moment before nodding his head slightly.

"I've been told to ask you something, but I wanted to say first that I'd have asked you myself anyway, alright?"

I nodded slowly as I looked at him warily.

"Good. Well mum is having a family lunch on Saturday and she wants all of our well-" George stuttered for a suitable word.

"I know what you mean." I said quickly and he looked at me gratefully.

"Yeah so, she wants you all to come too. So will you? It'll just be lunch, really informal and you know most of us anyway."

I didn't want to, but how on earth could I say no? He was right I did know most of them, and it would be childish in the extreme to avoid going even though the thought of a family gathering was already sending anxiety surging through me. I bit on my lip to try and calm myself.

"Yeah, alright."

George released a heavy sigh at my words.

"You thought I'd say no?"

"Well, yes. I mean you didn't seem so friendly downstairs so I thought perhaps you'd prefer to stay away."

I felt absurdly guilty.

"Oh that", I waved a hand vaguely in front of me, "that was just work. Ministry politics, don't worry about it."

"Alright." He didn't seem so sure but I saw a quick grin pass over his face before he spoke again. "So I take it you _don't_ actually hate Percy?"

"Despite public appearances to the contrary, no. Although he does drive me a bit mental sometimes."

"Ah that's his unique skill. No one can out Percy, Percy."

And speaking of Percy the door to his office opened then with the bespectacled Weasley making a re-appearance and he looked very perturbed to see us both staring at him so intently.

"I don't even want to know what you two were discussing."

"We couldn't tell you anyway, top secret NAGASSS meeting and all that, right Non?"

I ignored the twinge of anxiety at him saying my name.

"Right, George."

"I'm not even going to ask what that is. Shouldn't you be back down in your office?"

I gaped at Percy.

"You said you had something to ask me so told me to wait!"

"Did I? Huh, can't have been important, I don't remember it. I'll send you a memo if I do."

I narrowed my eyes at him and the top of Percy's ears started to go red. A clear sign of guilt. The little shit, he'd made it up so I'd have to stay stuck in his office to talk to George. I shot a look at George only to see him trying to cover up a grin on his face with his hand. I felt a light blush form, amazingly my first one of the day, and I huffed quietly.

"I may need to reassess my answer to your earlier question George."

He nodded understandingly, not even bothering to hide his grin now.

"Right you are. I'll amend the minutes."

I hummed my agreement to that before I made my way to the door.

"Right well, I best go see what damage Ron has done downstairs."

"Good luck." Percy and George chimed to me.

"Thanks." I said dryly as I turned to leave.

"See you Saturday?"

I paused and shot George a confused look, as I'd already agreed to go. I glanced at Percy to see he was pretending to read a piece of parchment, smirking to himself.

"Uh yeah, see you then."

"Okay great. Bye Non!"

If it had been anyone else I'd have said they were starting to blush but George was one of the Weasley twins and when the hell did they ever get nervous or embarrassed?

"Bye."

I left the room and closed the door quietly and I stood for a moment just to gather myself. It had been a hectic morning and I hesitated as to which direction to take. I wanted to go and see Hermione but as Fred hadn't come back yet and I didn't want to disturb them. Chewing on my bottom lip I turned left instead and made my way back to the lift to head to the auror department.

The main office was eerily quiet when I got there so I quickly headed towards the training rooms. The first two rooms were being used for standard practise and I rushed towards the third. The door was slightly ajar but there were no sounds of crashing or cursing which made me doubtful Ron would be in there. I eased the door open slightly and took in the sight of decimated training dummies so at least this confirmed Ron had been in here. I poked my head around the door to get a full view of the room but I whipped it back immediately at what I saw before I hurried off back down the corridor.

Ron had been sat on the floor with Mr Weasley's arms wrapped around him and Harry stood to one side awkwardly. I had no doubt he was crying but I didn't want to be there to see that and I knew Ron would have hated to know I'd even seen just that brief glimpse of his grief. I blinked repeatedly as I returned to the office trying to keep a check on my emotions. Seeing such pure heartbreak from both Hermione and Ron today was just unbearable. I wiped a weary hand over my face before I hurried over to Ron's desk to deal with his incoming memos. We were a team and we were currently an auror down; it was down to the rest of us to pick up the slack.

As I buried myself in work again I tried to quell my own feelings and anxiety about the situation. Saturday was now looming large in my mind but I tried to force thoughts of it away and to stop the what if disaster scenarios from playing on a loop in my head.

 **A/N:** Hello lovely people, thanks for taking the time to read my story. If you want to leave me feedback via a review then please do, I know my writing has loads of room to improve so any hints and tips are gratefully received.

If you have left a review before then thank you SO much. You have no idea how encouraging they are.

This is a bit of a shorter chapter. I'd wanted to add in the Saturday lunch but it would have turned it into a mammoth chapter so that'll be coming up next instead and should be up within the next one to two weeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 6

The magical community was _pissed off_.

That was the one solid thing I could take from the rest of my working week. The auror department was suddenly inundated with domestic call outs. Normally if there had been a theft or an assault then sure we would go and investigate unless it fell under the remit of one of the other Ministry Law Enforcement Departments such as Mr Weasley's but the sheer number of call outs meant that even Harry and I had to go and break up domestic fights. Ron should have been there with us but Harry and I had agreed on the Tuesday afternoon that we would cover for him. Ron was volatile enough on his own without having to deal with furious or distraught members of the public.

Actually there was one other thing I could take from the rest of my working week, and it was just how _inventive_ people could get when seeking to hurt one another. The number of witches and wizards having to go to St Mungo's to rectify the most curious and quite frankly outrageous injuries was enormous. The particular one involving a fire poker I think would take me a while to forget but perhaps the less said about it the better.

Being around such highly emotional situations all week was really taking it out of me and as I got home on Friday evening I sat quietly in my kitchen for a long while trying to let the adrenaline leave my body.

I'd had to stop multiple people from attacking each other due to the fall out of this stupid Marriage Law, it was like seeing my own anger being acted out in front of me but of course I couldn't show such levels myself, not with my job. I was supposed to keep the peace not break it. When we'd been forced to arrest one wizard, Auror Tobin had confided in me that she had been paired with a wizard some twenty years older than her and I had to fight to hide my horror. What if I had been paired with someone who was forty one? Forty one! Two whole decades older. I mean I know some couples did have big age gaps but _twenty years_? I shuddered again just thinking about it. Tobin had decided to ignore the whole thing for now and I'd felt a pang of envy. Ignoring and avoiding things were my favourite go to options but I couldn't do either not when I was paired with George. I mean I worked with three members of his family and was good friends with his sister. I couldn't just up and start actively ignoring or avoiding him, it just wouldn't work and I had to fight off a surge of annoyance whenever I thought of it. Even my minor attempts at a slight ignoring had already been noticed.

 _It's not his fault._

I'd had to remind myself of that a lot throughout the week. When Tobin has asked me who I'd been paired with and I'd said George Weasley she'd looked envious and I wasn't sure it was just because he was closer to me in age than her pairing was and I didn't quite know how to process that. I mean sure I know when I'd told George that any witch would be lucky to have him I'd meant it but…

I felt a blush forming on my face as I remembered what I'd said and then scowled to myself in annoyance. I really needed to get a grip on my response to embarrassment. I just didn't know how to process that George was apparently such a catch when he was being paired with _me_. Someone who struggled to function socially whereas he was completely outgoing. I was someone with zero confidence whereas he just oozed it. I just didn't see how we could possibly work as a couple.

I let out a heavy sigh, something I'd been doing a lot of this week, and moved to make myself a restoring cup of tea as I chewed on my lip trying to push thoughts of George from my mind.

Hermione hadn't responded to any of my letters and I hadn't had a chance to call in to see her either at the Ministry or at her flat because work had kept me so busy. To say that this week had been awful would be an undersell really and throughout it all I was doing everything I could not to have a meltdown of having to go to this stupid Weasley family lunch that was arranged for tomorrow. It had loomed like an axe ready to fall over my head all week and now it was Friday evening a heavy lump had settled in my stomach that no amount of calm breathing seemed to be able to shift.

I decided an early night might be the best thing for me and lord knows I'd earned it. I deliberately avoided my reflection when getting ready for bed. I'd been on enough of a downer this week I didn't want to slip into the habit of criticising myself again like I always seemed to. I didn't want the reminder that I was hardly pretty enough for a wizard like George. I cringed a bit at my own thoughts knowing that if any of my friends even got wind that I was speaking to myself like that they would likely give me a bit of a talking to but I couldn't help it.

I couldn't help my dreams either.

 _I was living in a permanent fog. I seemed trapped in this cold stone room as I looked with bleary eyes, looking but really struggling to see. Some of the other women and girls seemed to leave and come back on a regular basis and when they returned they somehow always seemed…less. Like they had lost a part of themselves. Even in my muted stated I could see that._

 _I couldn't push through the fog on my mind. The wizard that had put it there had control of me utterly. I felt crushed, squashed down into a small corner of my mind as outwardly I blinked slowly. I had no free will, I had no fight in me, I was conquered, controlled and at the mercy of the will of someone who was_ evil _._

Move _._

 _The voice rang in my head and I complied, body automatically moving to the door as what small spark I had left tried to fight back, uselessly. A door opened and I was standing placidly in front of a row of masked wizards and witches, their wands raised, ready to use me for practice. I knew that, but I could do nothing, nothing but huddle down in the small corner of my mind, repeating a mantra in a last ditch effort to save even a small part of myself._

I am Non Llewellyn. I'm sixteen years old. I'm a Hufflepuff. I am Non Llewellyn. I'm sixteen years old. I'm a Hufflepuff.

 _When the curses hit me, I could only half hear the screams coming from my mouth._

I greeted Saturday morning bolting upright in bed, drenched in sweat as I struggled to breathe. Fighting with my covers for freedom I stumbled from my bed before staggering out of my bedroom to head to the bathroom. Clutching at the edge of the sink with one hand I fumbled to turn on a tap so I could splash water in my face. The cold water shocked me enough to force me to take one huge gulping breath before I could try and breath normally again. It took long moments to try and piece myself back together. The curling trends of terror, that unrelenting fear of not being in control of myself seemed to have settled into my very bones as the memory stayed with me. Ever since the Marriage Law had been announced I'd felt the fear clawing at me each day but it had taken this memory for the true depth of my fear to be felt. I felt my eyes burning with unshed tears as I splashed more water on my face trying to hold back a sob.

It was not the same as being under the Imperius curse. I _knew_ that. Every day I could go about my business, my thoughts my own and make choices that I wanted about everything apart from that which was one of the most important; who I was to share the rest of my life with. The choice over that aspect of my destiny was taken from me and I didn't know in that moment if I would ever be okay with that. How could anyone, truly?

I bit my lip, harder than I normally did, and the sharp pain was enough to jolt me from my thoughts. Both of my hands now gripped the sink as I focused on my breathing, waiting for my heart rate to slow, for the sweat to cool on my skin. When I finally felt calmer I moved to look through the slat in my window blind and saw that dawn was only just breaking outside. I didn't dare risk another couple of hours sleep, not with that memory waiting for me so I decided to shower before trying to force down some breakfast.

Despite waking so early the morning hours slipped away far too quickly for my liking. I'd had to take a second shower as I was sweating so much with nerves and I'd agonised over what to wear. Sure George had said it was really informal but this was still some sort of weird introduction to the family. Should I wear a summer dress? Or those cream trousers I had with a flowery top? What if I dressed up and no one else did?

You see this was another reason why I didn't socialise. Honestly it was a minefield of choices that always made me doubt myself. I checked the clock for what felt the hundredth time and felt my heart lurch when I saw it was almost noon. George hadn't said what time to get there but I knew it was for lunch so I figured any time from twelve onwards was right. Oh Merlin, what if it started at twelve and I was going to be late?

I felt the panic pulse through me and letting out a frustrated huff I decided to dress in what I would find comfortable. I quickly changed into my dark wash jeans and slipped on my black daps. I searched through my draw until I found my teal coloured t-shirt, it was looser than my usual ones which I knew I needed today given how much nervous sweating I was doing.

I took one final quick look at my reflection in the mirror on my dresser, I'd actually bothered to put on minimal make up but I had no doubt I'd sweat most of it off the rate I was going. I just hoped my mascara wouldn't smudge.

Without letting other negative thoughts cross my mind I picked up my small bag and headed out of my cottage to apparate to The Burrow. I found myself in blazing sunshine and cursed my choice of clothing. Back in west Wales it had been sunny but with a cool breeze, here in the south west of England it was glorious sunshine, clear blue skies and no hint of wind. I was going to be boiling in my jeans. I took another deep breath before I shrugged the worry over my clothes away as much as I could as I walked up to the Weasley's home. My knock at the door yielded no reply so I hesitantly made my way around the right side of the house and paused by a small open gate by an enormous rose bush as I surveyed what I could see of the Weasley's back garden.

There was a row of tables half laden with food off to one side of the garden, and I could Mr Weasley, Ginny and another red headed man with his long hair tied up in a ponytail who I assumed to be Ginny's eldest brother Bill who I had yet to meet. I could hear more voices but it all seemed a bit subdued. Hopefully that meant I wasn't late.

The skin on my neck prickled slightly and it was the only warning I had that someone was approaching. Even so the voice sounding in my right ear still had me jumping in alarm.

"Ready for the big introduction?"

It was one of the twins. I'd grown alarmingly familiar with the sound of their voices in the last couple of weeks and I felt the spin of nerves in my stomach that always appeared when I thought of them. I hesitantly turned my head to the right to see one of them standing rather closer than I'd thought staring at me with bright brown eyes. A quick scan revealed two ears and I felt my nerves dissipate somewhat.

"I'm not so sure that I am, Fred."

He nodded in exaggerated sympathy.

"I can understand that. After all meeting your mother in law for the first time only happens once. Mum of course will be wonderfully nice to you but just you remember she'll be seeing if you measure up for her darling Georgie. She's awfully protective of him since his debilitating injury you know."

I shot an alarmed look at Fred. He was scratching nonchalantly at his ear, eyes sparkling at me in what was deeply hidden amusement. He was clearly meant to be joking with me but the twist in his mouth showed he knew it hadn't come out quite right. I saw him clench his jaw slightly, an indication if anything that he was feeling tense so I offered him a huff of a laugh despite the nerves I felt as his words.

"Thanks for the advice."

"You're welcome."

We both hovered by the side gate, neither of us appearing to want to head into the garden and I scrambled to keep the conversation going.

"How will I know if I measure up?"

I'm not sure why I asked that particular question. I wasn't aiming to measure up, I still hadn't even wrapped my head around that I would one day have to _marry_ George let alone meet the approval of his mother.

"For mum? I'm pretty sure she never thinks anyone is good enough for her children going by how she is with Fleur and Audrey."

I was a bit thrown by his answer. Why had he qualified that I was asking how to measure up for his mother when it was her we'd been talking about? I thought over what he had said so far and looked at him again, closer this time. He was studying me intently, a smile hovering on his face but I saw it this time for the cover that it was.

"And for you?"

I can't believe I dared ask the question. I'm sure as George's twin that he would be the same as Mrs Weasley; no one would ever be good enough for George.

His face split into a grin, a true one this time.

"I suppose we'll find out."

With a ruffle of my hair he sauntered ahead, leaving me stood at the gate feeling very perturbed.

"Non?"

I jolted in surprise, heart surging as I spun around to see George standing a few metres away. I put a hand to my chest as though that gesture would slow my racing heart.

"Oh, hi."

"What are you doing stood here?"

He had a puzzled smile on his face, a slight furrow in his brow.

"I tried knocking on the door but there was no answer so I thought I'd see if anyone was out back and…"

I trailed off and waved my hand vaguely as though that was explanation enough. George's face smoothed out and he nodded once before walking closer. I was ridiculously pleased to see he was in simple long shorts and a plain t-shirt.

"Well, shall we?"

He indicated his head to the garden and I swallowed heavily before nodding.

"Sure."

"Alright, follow me. I'll take you over to Dad first. Says he has a question for you about TDs or something."

His eyebrow was lifted in a question and I felt my first true smile of the day cross me face as I started to walk after him.

"He means CDs. It's a device muggles use to store music on. You can put it in a machine that will play the songs that are stored on it."

I saw George's second eyebrow join his first as he mulled that offer before shaking his head.

"That sounds a bit mad to me."

We'd rounded the side of the house and were just about to step out into the back garden properly when George hesitated slightly.

"You look really nice, by the way."

He continued on immediately and I stumbled slightly as I followed, a flush creeping up my neck and across my cheeks and timed it so I came into view of everyone in the garden while I was blushing furiously.

"Um thanks, you too."

I managed to mutter it out and a smirk passed over his face as he gave me a gentle nudge with his elbow.

"C'mon, let's get this over with and put you out of your misery."

I suppose I should have protested against that out of politeness but judging by his face he clearly wasn't offended that I was finding this difficult and I supposed he was right, the quicker we got the introductions out of the way the better.

I was hyper aware of everything as we crossed the garden to where Mr Weasley was setting out something on one of the tables. With a jolt of what felt a lot like fear I clocked Mrs Weasley bustling about on the rear porch with a stunningly beautiful witch that had to be Fleur, Bill's wife, who was holding a red headed toddler in her arms. Ginny and Harry were at another table arranging what looked like cupcakes. Fred was in conversation with Bill and I felt another jolt, this time of trepidation, shoot through me when I saw that Hermione and Ron were stood down at the far end of the garden looking to be in deep conversation. It seemed that everyone was here save for Luna, Percy, and his wife Audrey. I felt relieved I wasn't the last to arrive.

"Hey Dad."

At George's words Mr Weasley, spun around with a distracted look on his face.

"What's that now George, oh Non! Lovely to see you!"

Mr Weasley beamed as he bustled the short distance over to us. Normally he greeted me with a shake of the hand but today he gave me a swift hug before he steered me towards the table.

"You are just the person I needed to see. Look I've got the TDs machine, but I can't for the life of me figure how it works."

He looked adorably happy as he gazed in confusion at the CD player that was on the table.

"Can you help?"

He looked at me expectantly and I quickly glanced at George but he gave me a smile before he too turned to look at the machine.

"Uh sure Mr Weasley, I'll see what I can do."

"Oh you can call me Arthur dear, no need to stick to Ministry manners when we aren't in work eh?"

I blinked a bit in surprise.

"Um, okay. Arthur. Do you have any CDs you want to play?"

Mr Weasley sorted through the piles of CDs he'd managed to accumulate and I checked each one, trying to find one that wasn't hopelessly scratched. George hovered nearby occasionally asking questions about how muggles processed their music and I did my best to answer. Fred and Bill soon joined us.

Bill was rather intimidatingly handsome even with the scars covering one side of his face after his encounter with Fenrir Greyback. I remember Ginny having told me all about that. I supposed given that I was faced with Beckett's severely scarred face each day in work that the, in comparison, small amount of scarring on Bill's face didn't really seem that noticeable to me. He wore a fang earing that I thought was ridiculously cool and I shyly offered my hand to shake in greeting when George introduced me. He had a firm grip but his eyes were kind as he smiled down at me and I let out a little sigh of relief that this was one introduction over and done with as I turned my attention back to the CD player.

"What you really need to get this to work Mr Weasley is a power source. Muggles use electricity. It allows the play buttons to work and the device to open and close so you can insert or remove a CD."

"Yes I thought that would be the case. There's one thing I want to try, if I can modify it properly we should be able to power it up then you can show me how the buttons work?"

I did a double take at Mr Weasley's words. Had he really just said he was going to modify a muggle artefact. Didn't he _work_ in the misuse of muggle artefacts department?

I heard two identical chuckles.

"There's a loop hole" George and Fred said in unison having apparently read my thoughts and I had to hold back a laugh at the flicker of mischief that crossed Mr Weasley's face before it returned to a look of artful confusion.

"Right. I don't want to know. But sure Mr W- Arthur, I can help you with that."

I don't think it was ever going to be normal to call Mr Weasley by his first name.

"Oh Arthur what ridiculous thing are you tampering with now?"

I could actually feel my back stiffen as a new voice joined us and turned apprehensively to see the figure of Mrs Weasley rushing over to us, eyes locked on me.

"You must be Non dear, it's lovely to meet you. Someone" she shot George a glare, "Was supposed to introduce you to me." She was all smiles as she enveloped me in hug. I froze slightly, I couldn't recall the last time I had been hugged like this. It was a proper _mother_ hug and I hesitantly brought my arms up in return but by that point she was thankfully pulling back.

"It-it's nice to meet you too."

I managed to stutter the words out and she smiled at me and her eyes were twinkling. She didn't seem to be judging me at all and yet I couldn't quite forget Fred's earlier words.

"You must accept my apologies for my son's lack of manners. Honestly George, showing me up like this."

George's jaw dropped in outrage.

"I was about to introduce her to you, Dad just needed help with something first."

"Her? Non has a name dear."

George was spluttering at a loss for words and I could see Bill and Mr Weasley trying to suppress their laughter. Fred had no such qualms and was happily chortling away as George gave him a shove.

"I know that mum."

He was somehow managing to scowl at his mother whilst sending a pleading look at me.

"He's really been very nice Mrs Weasley."

I said it quietly as I placed me hand on her arm and she seemed to visibly preen at the compliment I'd just paid her son. She also however latched her other hand on to mine.

"Oh call my Molly dear."

She was attempting to steer me away from George and the others. She didn't have a strong grip on my hand but I couldn't dare remove it for fear of being rude. I tried to hide my alarm as I started to slowly turn around with her.

"Is-is there anything I can help you with Molly?"

"Oh no dear", she patted my hand comfortably, "everything's ready. How about we have a nice glass of lemonade while we wait for Percy? After all I know nothing about you! What is it that you do?"

Clearly her first question was rhetorical as I didn't appear to have a choice about the lemonade.

"I'm an auror."

Mrs Weasley froze.

"Don't be silly dear."

"Mum!"

George looked absolutely mortified. Fred was nearly creased over laughing. I stared at Mrs Weasley in shock and she blushed as she rushed to speak again.

"Well surely a nice lovely girl like you isn't possibly in such a dangerous job?"

I supposed there was a compliment in there somewhere but I was struggling to know what to say. I didn't like the implied assumption that as a _girl_ I couldn't do the job.

"Are you really an auror?"

Bill's gentle voice interrupted the slightly awkward silence as George tried to hide his face in one hand as he pushed Fred over with the other. Bill didn't look disbelieving but he certainly seemed confused. I inwardly sighed. I always got this, I don't know why people didn't think I looked like an auror. It irritated me that I always got this reaction but it also had its benefits. You could catch criminals more easily by surprise when you are what they least expected.

"Yes I am. I'm on the investigations team. I work with Harry and Ron."

Bill seemed to be fairly impressed by that but I was more concerned with what Mrs Weasley was going to say next.

"And a very good auror she is too."

I could have kissed Mr Weasley. I shot him a very thankful smile as his comment at least seemed to placate his wife somewhat.

"Well, that's, well it's nice to know who you work with. Now, let's have that lemonade. George, help setting out the dishes will you?"

Her instruction stopped George in his tracks as he'd made to follow us and he clenched his jaw as he only half hid the glower he sent his mother.

"Yes mum."

I couldn't decipher the look he gave me. I was too busy trying to understand why Mrs Weasley didn't know I was an auror. I'd have thought at least at some stage Ginny, Ron or even Mr Weasley would have mentioned it but, I supposed, she had so many children and so many of their friends to keep track of perhaps she only retained what she deemed was important.

I was spared any further interrogation from Mrs Weasley while I was introduced to Fleur. She was stunningly beautiful and I felt even plainer than normal stood next to her. She welcomed me warmly though, and happily introduced me to the toddler in her hands called Victoire. Although Victoire had the symbolic red hair of a Weasley in all other aspects she seemed to have taken after Fleur. She was utterly adorable. Fleur beamed at me as I told her so.

"Ah you are too kind Non I thank you. But why is it that you are called Non? Your parents called you 'no'?"

I had to hide a smile at her confusion.

"Non is not a French name. It's a Welsh one. Although it does seem to confuse a lot of people."

"That makes more sense then. Fred had been trying to tell me you were French but I can see now that is not so. Those twins, you cannot believe what they say!"

She sounded slightly exasperated but her eyes were happy and I could tell she was genuinely fond of them.

Mrs Weasley was at my side then, thrusting a glass of lemonade at me and I could see a question forming when thank Merlin Percy and Audrey arrived.

I really liked Audrey. I had met both her and Percy after I had graduated Hogwarts and was trying to sort out a place to live. They had only just started seeing each other at the time but they'd both been a big help to me. She had thik dark brown hair that was perfectly straight and hazel eyes that smiled warmly at me as she hugged me hello. She raised an eyebrow in question at how tense I was clearly feeling but I just shrugged at her. Audrey had been a Slytherin at Hogwarts so I could at least rely on her subtlety. I made a note to myself to seek her out later without Mrs Weasley in ear shot.

"What's Luna doing there all by herself? Non, go take her a drink will you?"

My eyes opened in alarm slightly at Percy's abrupt questioning as I found another glass of lemonade shoved at me. A quick wink clued me in and I didn't hesitate to make my escape.

"Oh of course, that is if you don't mind Mrs W – Molly?"

 _Please don't mind._

"Of course not dear, we'll have that chat later I'm sure."

I wasn't sure how a sentence said by such a smiling person could feel quite so threatening. I tried to walk slowly towards Luna who had magically appeared at one of the tables. Harry and Ginny were nowhere to be seen and I could see Fred and George whispering furiously at each other on the opposite side of the garden.

"Luna! Thank goodness you're here."

I hadn't seen her since the Marriage Law had been announced and despite having a few notes from her I wanted to reassure myself she was alright. Her silvery eyes were as wide as ever and her dirty blonde hair fell in tangled waves. She looked very much like herself. She still hugged me fiercely after I'd placed the glasses of lemonade down on the table. I wasn't much of a one for hugging but Luna was one of my exceptions.

"I'm alright."

I hadn't asked her the question but Luna always seemed to know what to answer.

"Are you sure?"

"I think so. Ronald hasn't actually spoken to me yet but I am very sorry that he and Hermione hurt so badly."

"It's not your fault."

I murmured that to her softly all the while saving an inner scowl for Ron. How could he not have even spoken to her yet? Idiot, idiot _boy_.

"Are you alright, Non?"

Luna's soft voice made me pause before I parroted out my normal automatic fine, as I truly considered her question.

"Yes and no I think. I just can't get my head around the whole thing."

"You seem very tense."

Her silvery gaze had strayed to my hip and I looked down in confusion before cursing myself silently. My feet had found their way into a defensive pose I only used when working and my right hand was actually hovering over my wand that was in the holster at my right hip. I immediately crossed my right arm over my middle, by fingers loosely gripping my t-shirt by way of comfort.

"Oops." I felt a mirthless chuckle leave me. "It's been a bit of a confrontational week. Habit I guess."

Luna hummed in agreement before taking a sip of her lemonade. Raised voices distracted me before I could think to drink mine. I looked up and could see at the end of the garden that Ron and Hermione were now stood facing each other, arms gesturing as their voices slowly got louder.

"Ah, shit."

I muttered the words as I hesitantly made my way down the garden after I'd clocked Fred stomping his way over to them. I'd seen too many arguments this week to not suspect that this one was about to get just a bit out of hand.

"Stay out of this Fred."

Ron's tone indicated just how angry he was and I winced. This was almost a red alert.

"I was just seeing if Hermione was okay."

The taunting tone in Fred's voice raised the warning flag. This was red alert all the way.

Hermione for her part was trembling, her face quivering but I couldn't tell if it was rage or suppressed tears. It was likely both.

"It isn't any of your business if she's okay she-"

"Yes it is. It is in fact my business completely."

"SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE YOURS!"

Ron's roared words seemed to take them all aback but now that he'd said them it was like he'd unblocked a flow of words that now spilled out of his mouth.

"She was only ever supposed to be mine. Not anyone else's. Throughout everything she always come back to me that's how it was supposed to be forever."

"Is that all I ever was to you Ron? Something for you to claim; to _own_?"

Hermione's quiet words seemed to puncture Ron's rage.

"Mione no, that's not – that's not how I meant it."

"Isn't it? Did you ever actually love _me?_ Or just the fact you could claim me as yours?"

Rage was spitting from Hermione's eyes but there was a worse emotion underneath. It felt as though everything would hinge on Ron's answer. And he didn't say anything.

A chocked sob left her and she turned blindly toward the house, walking quickly, still holding on to her pride and not daring to run. I put a hand out to comfort her but she swerved around me and I felt a sting as I realised she was still angry with me. I hesitated on whether or not to follow.

"Not my concern hey Ron? Face it brother. You were never good enough for her. And now she knows it."

Fred's words were low and taunting. I could understand his anger at Ron, I was furious with him myself, but I cursed at his timing.

"And you think you will be?"

Ron was starting to turn red, always a tell that he was about to lose his temper and he was just looking for a suitable target.

"I'll be better than you. Now you can live in the knowledge that it'll be _my_ name that she calls."

I sucked in a breath at Fred's implication. He could argue that he meant it innocently, that he meant Hermione would call on him for help but the insidious tone to his voice meant he was clearly implying something else. Something far more personal.

I could see it in Ron's face the moment that he snapped. His wand was in his hand before Fred could even blink and I acted without thinking. Ron as a trained auror could hurt Fred badly regardless of how competent a wizard Fred was.

" _Amddiffyn!_ "

I shouted out my shield spell just in time as the red of Ron's spell bounced back off it. I had also apparently been a bit tenser than I'd realised and had overpowered my spell somewhat as it also sent Ron and Fred flying back in opposite directions to land in crumpled heaps. I cursed aloud as I waved my shield away and ran over to check on Ron. I shot a look over my shoulder to see George helping Fred to his feet.

My momentary distraction nearly proved costly and I felt my hair ruffle slightly as I spun back to see Ron's fist gliding past my face. I sucked in a breath and quickly assessed the situation. Ron had gotten to a stage so angry he was forgoing his magic for brute strength. He always bested me in muggle fighting in training but he wasn't normally this angry. He'd over balanced with his punch and I dropped down to the ground, sweeping my leg out to knock him off his feet and he landed heavily. I had to finish this quickly. I pinned him down on his front, wrenching his right arm behind him but I couldn't escape his flailing left arm and I let out a grunt of pain as his elbow smacked my ribs.

"For Merlin's sake Ron calm down!"

I hissed the words at him as I finally managed to pin his other arm. It was taking all of my strength to keep him stationary and I gave his right arm another twist, hoping a shot of pain would quieten him.

"Calm. The. Fuck. Down."

I bit out each word coldly, hoping he would realise just how angry I was myself. I was inwardly seething at how both he and Fred has spoken about Hermione.

"Let go of me."

He'd growled the words out, breathing heavily through his nose and I could see his face has gotten less red but he still seemed far too angry.

"I will. But first I want you to listen."

I leant in closer so I could speak directly in to his ear. I wanted him to hear every word.

"Hermione is not your possession. She is not something you can claim, or can own. Hermione was willing to share herself with you and if you had even a modicum of understanding of what a relationship or love should be then perhaps the Ministry would have ruled differently and you would still be together. You cannot own a person, Ron. You couldn't own her and you sure as hell won't be able to own Luna."

I leant back slightly and could see Ron's face screwed up in anguish. Perhaps I had gone a bit far.

"I know you're hurting. I know it's not fair. But you can't just lash out at those closest to you to make them hurt as much as you because Ron they are hurting just as much on their own. Hermione's one of your _best friends_. Do you really want to lose that too?"

Ron was taking in gulps of air, still refusing to open his eyes.

"Are you done?"

His words were dull and gritty.

"Yes Ron, I'm all done."

I loosened my hold on him then and he shot up to his feet so suddenly I landed flat on my bum. He stormed off down the garden and was soon out of sight.

I sighed heavily as I tried to calm my racing adrenaline. I could have really done without this on my first day off this week. Wearily I moved to get to my feet when a hand appeared in front of me. I glanced up to see Bill and I gladly accepted his hand as he helped haul me up. I stood awkwardly not quite knowing what to say after I'd thanked him.

"Interesting shield."

"Oh uh yeah, I over did it a bit."

I winced slightly as I remembered it but he just quirked a smile at me and clapped me on my shoulder.

"I'm going to go and find Ron."

I could feel a lot of eyes on my but I tried to ignore it as I turned to go and see if Fred was okay. My shields could pack a bit of a punch even at normal strength and not the over powered one I'd done today.

Fred and George were stood side by side, watching me approach.

 _Because that's not intimidating at all._

"I'm sorry my shield flung you back. I didn't mean for it to be that strong."

"You couldn't wait to check on Ronniekins though could you?"

I did my best to ignore his childish barb and took in Fred's appearance. He was still furious. It seemed it was a Weasley trait to try and lash out their pain on others, or perhaps that was simply how anger worked.

"I wanted to make sure he wouldn't hurt anyone actually."

"Yeah right. I guess Hermione was right. You do care more about him than her don't-"

"I heard what you said about Hermione, Fred."

He stopped abruptly at my snapped words and I was pleased to see a flush of what I hoped was shame appear on his face and I stepped closer, trying to ignore that both he and George tensed and crossed their arms. A united front clearly.

"Let me say this clearly. You ever speak about her like that again you'll have me to answer to. And you know nothing of my friendship with her. If you truly think you are that much better than Ron then why the hell don't you prove it, instead of goading someone with a broken heart?"

I continued to glare directly at him for a moment before I turned to walk off. I truly in that moment didn't care what Fred Weasley had to say to defend himself and I didn't dare look at George. My first family gathering and I'd fought with his beloved twin. There was no doubting whose side he'd be on.

I turned my thoughts then to Hermione. I knew she was still upset with me but I only hoped she'd let me at least offer some form of comfort to her today and I walked up to the house intent on going to see her, only to see Harry rushing down the garden.

 _Oh yeah great,_ now _he shows up_.

"Have you seen Ron? We've just had a floo message, we're both an call and have to go."

"Ron is not up to going anywhere Harry."

He grimaced at my words and expression.

"I can go though", I continued actually glad for a reason to be able to leave. "What's the call out?"

"A warehouse raid is all. But are you sure Non? What about your PTSD, are you even able to do an assignment like this?"

I froze. I could see Harry was distracted and frustrated but he had _never_ mentioned my PTSD to me. Not once. And he'd asked me here now, and loudly. He hadn't lowered his voice at all. I was ridiculously, painfully aware of the twins behind me and that both Percy and Mr Weasley were still in the garden. Harry seemed to realise slowly what he'd done and a flush appeared on his face but his green eyes never left mine. He clearly wanted an answer.

I tried to mask the hurt I was feeling that Harry would even dare question it. I may have my own doubts about myself but Beckett had said in no uncertain terms that I was field ready and given my own lack of confidence I had relied heavily on that. Harry should also have known that I would _never_ put my colleagues in a situation where they were reliant upon me to be capable if I clearly wasn't. I would not endanger them like that.

I sucked in a breath trying to control both my anger and hurt.

"Yes I'm sure. But if you're so concerned, why don't you ask Beckett, Potter."

I spat that out a little harsher than I meant and I saw his eyes flash guiltily. I was annoyed at myself that I'd used his surname. It clearly meant I was furious and I needed to be calm if I was to go on my first raid in over a year.

"Where are we meeting?"

"Oh, at the Ministry first."

Harry mumbled the words out and I managed a curt nod.

"Alright, see you there."

I apparated immediately. I couldn't face seeing what the Weasley's now thought of me. The more I thought on Harry's words the more angry I was getting. Whilst a part of me understood his concerns, he'd made me sound like I was pathetic, like I was completely incapable. It rankled that it hadn't been that long ago that I'd thought that way about myself, sometimes still did, but it wasn't something you should be hearing from what was effectively a team mate. What I should have been able to rely upon was his support.

Harry arrived not long after me and we walked in silence to our department to take our instructions from Beckett. It was a standard raid. They'd been tracking smugglers who had been flooding Knockturn Alley with illegal goods and had a tip off as to their latest unloading. We would go in, arrest them and confiscate the contraband. It was as simple as it could be for my first raid back in the field.

I shrugged into my aurors robes before our team, six of us in total, made our way to the apparition point.

The raid had gone off without a hitch really, up until the explosion. We'd apprehended four of the five smugglers, secured the illegal goods and were just about to arrest the final person when the crates in the industrial warehouse exploded. The shock of it had sent me flying through the air and my body had skidded badly on landing, even now I could feel the friction burn on my arm underneath my robes and I let out a pained hiss of annoyance. My cushioning charm had been next to useless. It had always been one of my worst ones and Beckett was bound to have noticed. He'd all but kill be in training next week going over it I bet.

I was back at the auror department now and I paused to consider the one smuggler that had gotten away. He'd been wearing a mask. Not a death eater mask, just a plain white one, completely expressionless.

 _Creepy_.

It was the only word for it really, and I suppressed a shiver of unease as I finished writing up my report. Thankfully the rest of the team would be dealing with the paperwork and processing the arrests considering I wasn't even supposed to be on call.

"Er, Llewellyn, er can I ask something?"

I glared up at Harry who was stood over my desk.

"Fine."

"Would you be able to call at The Burrow to let Ginny know I'm going to be a bit late?"

"Fine."

I'd planned on going back anyway only to see Hermione but Harry didn't need to know that.

He looked like he was going to say something else but just shook his head slightly and walked off.

I shrugged out of my auror robes and hung them up in my locker before I made my way back to the atrium. The friction burn on my arm was mostly fine except near my elbow where the skin had been rubbed raw. That would sting like crazy when I put healing balm on it.

Suppressing my annoyance at my inability to do a cushioning charm properly I apparated to The Burrow. It was still bathed in sunshine but it was a lot cooler than earlier and I guessed it to be coming on towards five or six o'clock in the evening. I hadn't thought to check the time when at the Ministry. I knocked on the front door and a few moments later it was opened to reveal Fred Weasley. He glared at me. I glared back.

"Is Ginny here?"

I finally snapped out the question as he seemed determined not to speak first. He shot me another glare before he turned back into the house.

"Ginny! Visitor!"

He left the door open for me which I supposed was as much a welcome as I would get from him and as I walked into the hallway as he disappeared from view. I heard shuffling footsteps and soon enough Ginny appeared.

"Hi Gin, sorry I missed you earlier. Er, Harry says he's going to be a bit late, he's just finishing up the report."

Ginny smirked a bit at that before raising an eyebrow at me.

"So on a scale of one to ten just how pissed off with Harry are you?"

I flushed slightly. I thought I'd hidden my annoyance with Harry in my words but clearly not. I shot Ginny a quick grin.

"Oh I dunno, about a seven? Maybe an eight…"

I felt my smile drop as I remembered what he'd said in front of everyone. Revealed one of my biggest weaknesses.

"Hey, I'll kick his arse for you."

"Thanks Gin, you're the best."

"Just you remember that. Now c'mon, you look like you've skinned your entire arm you prat I'm sure mum's got some healing balm somewhere."

She'd grabbed my hand and was trying to propel me into the kitchen but I froze as I heard voices.

"Na you know Ginny I just need to see Hermione really, I can sort out my arm at home."

"Hermione is sleeping off a calming draft she'll be out for another hour yet, stop being so stubborn."

I scoffed at that seeing as it was usually impossible for anyone to out stubborn Ginny but I did hesitantly follow her into the kitchen. Fred and George were sat along one side of the table and Ron was stood rummaging through one of the cupboards.

"Where's the healing balm do you know?"

Ginny announced her question to the room. Fred ignored her, Ron turned around took one look at me and snorted out a laugh but George looked genuinely concerned once he clocked sight of my arm.

"It should be in the bathroom Ginny."

She nodded her understanding before leaving to get it.

"Fucked up the cushioning charm again?"

Ron sounded surprisingly calm, and I blinked in slight surprise. I was sure he was still going to be pissed off with me.

"Uh yeah, pretty much."

I saw George staring at me in confusion so I decided to elaborate as I moved to take a seat at the table.

"I'm not very good at the cushioning charm so instead of landing softly I kind of erm…skidded."

"It looks painful."

"It's alright."

I shrugged thinking about it. Friction burns was one of my more common injuries from training so really it was something I was used to. The snort of laughter from Ron was something that did not surprise me.

"She injures herself like that all the time George. Beckett's going to kick your arse over it one day Non, you know that right?"

"He's going to kick yours too Ron, we can't cover for you next week."

I said it lightly, ignoring his question, and was glad to see he took my words in calmly.

"I know. Say…what tea does Luna like?"

So that's what he'd been looking in the cupboard for.

"Herbal teas Ron. Jasmine or Chamomile are her favourites but she pretty much likes all of them."

"Alright, thanks."

He busied himself with pouring hot water into two mugs before he went out the back door into the garden, leaving me alone with the twins. I wished Ginny would hurry up.

"What's PTSD? Ouch!"

I glanced up in alarm at the question to see Fred rubbing his side.

"May I apologise for my nosy, interfering, prying , snooping, rude and ugly twin?"

"Ugly? We're identical. Well aside from the fact you're now lopsided."

"Please Fred, I have a battle scar which makes me, I have on good authority, very attractive. You can't win."

Fred scoffed at that and shoved at George which quickly escalated into a scuffle.

"On whose authority?"

George paused mid shove to shoot a grin at me and waggle his eyebrows.

"I don't kiss and tell."

I rather wished I hadn't asked. At least it seemed that despite my earlier misgivings that George wasn't angry with me, and I was ludicrously grateful he'd turned the conversation away from me having to answer Fred's question. Ginny then thankfully made a reappearance although I was soon cursing her as she got to work on my arm.

"Ouch! Ginny! For the love of Merlin that stings."

"Oh stop being such a baby, I've hardly put any on yet."

"You have an appalling bedside manner."

"You're a terrible patient."

"It really hurts Ginny."

"I'm being as gentle as I can."

"Ouch! You are not you liar, Merlin if I'd known it would be this bad I'd have asked for a safe word."

"What's a safe word dear?"

I froze. Mrs Weasley had appeared in the doorway to the kitchen and was looking at my expectantly. I felt my face start to get very red as I heard Fred and George unsuccessfully hide their laughter behind me.

 _Oh dear Merlin I've just talked about safe words in front of Mrs Weasley and_ George _._

"Oh it – it's um it's - ouch! Ginny!"

"S-Sorry".

I shot a look at her to see her face bright red with suppressed laughter. She wasn't sorry at all but I was ridiculously glad that she'd provided a distraction.

"Oh Non dear have you hurt yourself? Honestly that job of yours…"

Mrs Weasley huffed as she hurried across to take over from Ginny and work on my arm, although really Ginny had all but finished. My face was fading back to its normal colour when my stomach gave an almighty growl and I immediately blushed again. Mrs Weasley tutted at me.

"You haven't had anything to eat have you? Now you move and sit here dear," she pulled me up only to gently shove me into a seat by George, "and I'll dish you up some leftovers. Tiny thing like you are you need feeding up."

I couldn't bear to look at George, I was still so embarrassed, and I set to eating the soup Mrs Weasley put in front of my with gusto by way of distraction.

"Wow, this is delicious Mrs W – Molly," I caught myself just in time, "thank you."

"Oh it's just something simple dear but thank you. I can't have you sent back home to your parents hungry now can I."

I almost choked on my mouthful of soup. Firstly, I was twenty one, why on earth would she assume I was living at home with parents? Secondly, and well actually this probably should have been firstly, I didn't have parents anymore. I swallowed the soup down heavily as I struggled to know what to say.

"Oh I don't um, I." I took a deep breath. "My parents died during the war Mrs W – er, Molly. I live on my own."

Mrs Weasley froze in the process of dishing up a dinner plate of food and I felt George go abnormally still beside me. I hated having to say it like that. It was one of the reasons I hated meeting new people. It always made everything so awkward.

"She owns her own cottage mum, it's really nice."

 _Thank you thank you Ginny_.

Mrs Weasley snapped back into movement at her daughters words.

"Well I'm sorry dear about your parents, so many people lost…well, it's lovely to hear you have your own place. But surely the rest of your family all like to look after you?"

"Mum, stop it."

Ginny tried to quietly hiss the words but I still heard her as I set my spoon back down in my bowl. I wasn't, I decided, really hungry any more.

"I don't have-" I stopped, swallowed and tried again. "It's just me Molly."

Mrs Weasley looked at me in confusion.

"But who looks after you dear?"

I did my best not to glare. I'm not entirely sure I succeeded.

"I look after me."

Mrs Weasley blinked rapidly at my words and I realised with some alarm that she actually looked tearful as she rushed over with the plate full of food. She scooped the bowl away from me and set the plate down in its place.

"Of course you do dear of course. Now you eat all of that up, every last bite and I'll just go and get a few things together for you…"

She trailed off, absentmindedly reaching out a hand to comfort me. It was a purely instinctive motherly action but her arm froze and I noticed I had automatically leaned away. I flushed in embarrassment.

"S-sorry I-"

"Don't be silly dear," her arm changed course and she patted my hand instead, "I'll be right back."

She sniffed loudly as she left the room.

I stared at my plate without really seeing the food. That had to be one of the strangest conversations of my life.

"Well, you've really done it now."

I blinked in confusion and then turned to see Fred had leaned forward to look at me from around George.

"Seriously," he continued, "I think you're going to even usurp Harry."

"Huh?"

"Help me out here George."

"Well you see Non you have now presented our mother with the fact that you don't have family-

"-which sucks by the way, sorry about that-"

"-which means she is going to feel obliged to take care of you-

"-smother you with unwanted attention-"

"-which means she will quite literally _mollycoddle_ you."

"It's like the word was made for her."

I blinked rapidly as I processed George's words with Fred's _helpful_ translations.

"Ah okay…not good?"

Ginny giggled.

"You probably should have invented some fake relatives."

"Damn."

George waved a fork in my face and I glanced at it in confusion as he presented it to me, handle first.

"You really should eat you know, she won't let you leave until you do."

I decided to take his advice and silently ate, as my eyes got more and more alarmed as Mrs Weasley kept bustling in and out of the kitchen because she was putting a damned _hamper_ together for me. How on earth did she think I'd been feeding myself? I knew she meant it kindly but I could feel myself starting to bristle at the unwanted help.

"Can I offer you some more advice?"

George said the words quietly and I glanced up at him. He looked oddly serious so I nodded once. He took a breath but stilled as his mother made another appearance in the kitchen, so he leaned down to whisper in my ear instead.

"Mum really likes to take care of people, if you fight her on it she only gets worse. Accept the food, trust me, it'll make things easier."

His breathe tickled my ear and I had to suppress the shiver that wanted to make its way down my spine. I nodded my understanding and turned to smile my thanks as he straightened back up in his seat.

I'd just finished eating when Hermione emerged into the room, rubbing blearily at her eyes. She stilled as she saw me.

"Non."

I glanced at her nervously, what if she was still angry with me? I searched her face but I couldn't see any anger, in fact she actually looked tearful still.

"Hey Mione."

Her lip quivered.

"I'm really sorry Non."

"What on earth do you have to be sorry for?"

"I was, what I said to you at the Ministry, I was horrible and I-"

"You were hurting."

She nodded, wiping at tears before they could run down her face and I stood up quickly to give her a hug.

"You've nothing to be sorry for Hermione. Nothing."

She latched her arms around me as she hugged me back fiercely and I had to bite back a hiss of pain as she squeezed my ribs. It seemed that Ron's elbow had clobbered me earlier harder than I'd thought.

She pulled back after a moment.

"Do-do you think I could still come and stay at yours?"

"Of course, my home is yours."

And I meant it. I thought perhaps I'd have misgivings of sharing my own space, I'd actually been a bit relieved when Hermione had turned down my offer previously but whether it was because Mrs Weasley had made me realise just how alone I was, I found myself that I'd actually be glad to have someone else at the cottage.

"Thanks Non. I'll just go and get my things."

"Alright."

Excellent. This meant I could make moves to leave. Mrs Weasley was surprisingly easy to convince that having Hermione stay at mine was a good idea and I thanked her profusely for the hamper, trying to ignore the grin George was shooting me.

"I'm just going to go wait outside for her."

I was starting to feel claustrophobic in the small kitchen after having sat through a sustained period of Mrs Weasley's attention.

"I'll walk you."

George had already leapt to his feet so I just nodded my agreement. I said my goodbyes and couldn't help the deep breath I took as soon as I stepped outside and I heard George chuckle behind me.

"Are we really all that bad?"

I blushed lightly and prayed that the dusky light would hide it.

"Not at all, I'm just not used to being the focus of so much attention."

"Well thankfully you had such a nice calm introduction to my family."

I looked at him in disbelief and he started laughing again as I realised he was joking.

"Yeah breaking up a fight was a great way to start."

He laughed louder at that.

"You should have seen my mum's face. She was half torn in horror that her sons would dare fight at a family gathering and half shock that the smallest person there could break it up so easily."

"Oh Merlin. Can you tell her I've just had a lot of practice? Honestly that was nothing compared to what I've had to deal with this week."

"Oh yeah, Marriage Law going down well is it?"

"Like you wouldn't believe…"

We'd paused at the end of the Weasley's drive and as we stood waiting for Hermione I decided to tell him about some of the fights Harry and I'd had to deal with. George was soon hooting with laughter.

"Wait, wait, she shoved the fire poker _where?!"_

George's face looked like it couldn't decide whether he was amazed or horrified. I grimaced as I recalled that particular incident.

"Honestly George, I can never un-see it."

That just set him off laughing again.

"I'm sorry I shouted at Fred, earlier."

George's laughter stilled and I could have kicked myself for blurting those words out. I couldn't honestly understand why I did.

"Don't be."

He said it firmly but I still opened my mouth to argue.

"Seriously don't. I'm not going to say I think he deserved everything you said but he did need to hear some of it."

"Right." I nodded my understanding but I cursed the slight awkwardness that had settled between us. He nudged me with his elbow.

"Looks like we're going to have another NAGASSS meeting."

I giggled and just like that the silence changed from awkward to comfortable. It seemed like George was good at that.

"Can I ask you a question?"

George had turned to face me fully and I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Sure."

"And you know feel free to not answer it or you know, wrestle me to the ground in annoyance…."

"George Weasley you just sounded hopeful."

"Can you blame me?"

I ignored his beaming grin and just shook my head as I crossed my arms to wait for his actual question.

"What…what _is_ PTSD? Percy got seriously pissed off at Harry for having said it."

I couldn't hide my grimace. So Percy had heard and _of course_ Percy would know what it was he always seemed to know everything. I wasn't looking forward to my next conversation with him. I glared down at my feet as I pondered whether or not to answer. George had already said I didn't have to but then Harry had already blabbed about it and perhaps it would be best coming from me and not George trying to find out about it on his own.

"It's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's an anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events. It can cause things like flashbacks, nightmares or insomnia. Sometimes the symptoms get so bad it affects your day to day life."

My words sounded strange to my own ears and I realised I sounded like I'd just swallowed a healer's text book. George seemed to be waiting for me to continue.

"I um, I got a really bad bout of it just over a year ago now which is why up until literally the start of this month I'd only been doing desk work for the past year. I'm a lot better now, but I was supposed to be easing back into field work in like a measured and un-stressful way. The Marriage Law pretty much put paid to that."

"Shit Non that's…that's rough."

I shrugged.

"I guess most people who went through the war have had some sort of PTSD, it's just mine crept up on me when I wasn't expecting it. The anxiety part is the worst, the rest I have no problem with."

 _Non Llewellyn you are a liar._

"It's why you get so nervous meeting people?"

"Yes. Although, I'm pretty shy anyway so…"

I shrugged again. I was good at those.

"Well, thanks for telling me. I'm sorry you've had to go through it."

I shrugged.

"It's alright. I'm not so great talking about it. It makes me feel….well whatever, I only told the girls about it a couple of weeks back, Ginny's still pissed off with me a bit about that, and Harry only knew because of work protocols."

I realised I couldn't look at George as I spoke and my right arm was clamped around my midriff. I made a conscious effort to relax my arm.

"So Harry blabbing about it in the garden…"

I scowled at George's words.

"He shouldn't have said anything. I get why he was worried but it wasn't his place."

"Like if it was Quidditch." George said in understanding but I found myself glancing at him in confusion.

"Quidditch?"

"Yeah. Like if you have been injured for a while but have gotten better and the coach has decided you are ready to be back playing. You might be a bit unsure but it's your coach that calls the shots. It's not up to a teammate to question you in front of everyone and question whether you're fit to play right? Coach's word is law."

I blinked, dumbfounded.

"Huh okay yeah. That's exactly it. Like it was Quidditch."

"Harry's a prat."

"You won't find me disagreeing."

The sound of a door closing broke the following silence and I glanced up relieved to see Hermione finally making her way down to us.

"Sorry, sorry! I could only just esc-I mean say my goodbyes."

"Hermione Granger were you trying to flee my mother?"

George asked this in his most pompous Percy sounding voice. Hermione looked like she was going to fumble for an answer before she shrugged.

"Quite frankly George, yes."

She was rewarded with a snort of laughter.

"Alright, I can understand that. Well then I'll leave you to it. G'night Hermione, Non Non" he nudged me with his arm and threw me a wink and I snorted lightly.

"Yeah good night Um."

George Weasley beamed at me before he walked back up to the house.

"Um?"

Hermione shot a confused look at me and I just rolled my eyes.

"Urgh, long story, c'mon let's go home."

And with a swish of our wands and a loud cracking noise, we did.

 **A/N: Well this turned out to be a bit of a longer chapter than I expected! I had wanted to make the warehouse bit a tad longer but I figured the family introduction dynamic was the more important part.**

 **Next chapter should be another mix of auror and family dynamics and I fear it might be another super long chapter. Hope you don't mind**

 **Thanks as ever to those of you that review – you really do make my day. If anyone wants to leave me a comment or drop me a line – go for it.**

 **Also** _ **Amddiffyn**_ **is a proper Welsh word. It means something along the lines of 'to shield, to protect or to defend'. In a sporting match it is often used to describe defence.**

 **Cheers,**

 **Yav**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 7

"I think I drank too much."

A dull throbbing pain was present on the right side of my head and I clutched at my cup of tea miserably.

Hermione was heedless to my pitiful moan as she raced around the kitchen, momentarily stuffing half-eaten slice of toast into her mouth as she scrambled to fix her robe and grab her bag.

"I'm going to be late! _We're_ going to be late Non. Why aren't you rushing?"

Hermione hardly seemed to want my answer as she furiously chewed on her toast and I mulled over her question, my mind feeling extremely sluggish. We'd had a very peaceful Sunday given the drama of the first week of the Marriage Law. I'd set up the guest room for Hermione, showed her how everything in the kitchen worked (the key part being my pantry for storing food and the special cooling draws that were charmed to act like a muggle fridge and freezer), walked her through my garden and greenhouse and most importantly I advised her of the dangers of where I lived. Hermione had of course visited me a number of times but living here meant you had to be far more aware of what I lived next door to.

The part of Wales I lived in was in the county of Ceredigion in the west of the country. All of the muggles believed that there was a nature reserve in the locality called Ynys Hir when really that was just a front. Beyond the area cordoned off for muggles was a huge area of land dedicated to the Ynys Hir Dragon Reservation – the home of nearly all of the remaining Common Welsh Green's throughout the island of Britain. It was a safe space for them to live, breed and prosper from rural west Wales and spanning across large swathes of the Cambrian mountain range through mid Wales as this area was so sparsely populated it was much easier to hide them from muggles.

Dotted very sparsely around the perimeter of the Reservation were homes for witches and wizards. Wales didn't have a large magical community, but anyone from Ceredigion or Powys were always asked to see if they wanted to live in one of the houses to help keep muggles away. Because of the dangers of being so close to dragons most turned it down but it meant the properties were cheap to buy which is why I'd managed to get my hands on this cottage. I'd grown up on the outskirts of the Reservation, on the northern side, but my family home was no longer standing so when this cottage had shown up as vacant I'd not given it a second thought to go for it.

Besides the dragons hardly ever caused problems. Sure they could get noisy in breeding season but at least the Common Welsh Green didn't roar, their calls were much more like music and I loved to listen to them. The biggest problems came if the dragons had been fighting and moved beyond their normal range, or more typically when the young dragons first started to venture out. They liked to travel further afield, before they realised that the steady supply of food meant the Reservation was the best place for them. When that happened you always had to keep a close eye on the sky when you were outside. You wouldn't want a young dragon to mistake you for a sheep and decide to take a closer look.

Hermione had listened intently and I knew she would be careful when venturing out doors. This was the most dangerous time of year and they wouldn't settle down really until November but she didn't seem overly concerned.

We'd cracked open a bottle of wine then, Hermione hesitant at first before she started to talk about Ron. I almost felt a physical pang in my heart at the hurt she was going through. I'd just reached for the second bottle of wine when my front door had opened to reveal Lune and Ginny clutching a bottle of gin.

"It's my birthday, Harry's been called in to work, and I want to get drunk."

Who were we to refuse the birthday girl?

Although now as another throb of pain worked its way through my head I rather wished we had. I blinked slowly remembering I hadn't yet answered Hermione.

"Honestly Hermione I'm currently trying to remember how to feel human. For once I'm not worried. It's quite nice."

"I'm going to ignore the fact it's taking a hangover to stop you feeling anxious."

I ignored her mutter as I moved to pick up my bag. Luna and Ginny were still asleep upstairs in my room after I'd oh so nobly given up my bed for them as I'd crashed on the sofa and I felt absurdly resentful that they were still soundly sleeping.

"Urgh, let's go."

Work was atrocious. Beckett had read up our reports from the raid on the weekend and he'd consigned me to two days training with the focus being primarily on my fitness and charms. He was of the opinion my charms got so sloppy when in a battle because I got too fatigued and didn't concentrate. Maybe he had a point but as I sprawled over my office desk on Wednesday morning I had nothing but choice words in my head for him. Every part of me hurt and as Harry strolled in to the office with the effrontery to be whistling I remembered my anger with him from the weekend and came up with a really mature solution.

I kept my head down until his whistling started moving away again and I eased my head up, drew out my wand and muttered a little charm. I fought the grin that spread over my face as a piece of toilet roll drifted from the roll that was ever present on the office drinks table (I'd learned long ago not to question its presence) and quietly attached itself to Harry's shoe. It was exceptionally childish. I didn't care. I just hoped he wouldn't notice it too soon.

At the sound of heavy clumping feet I wearily lifted my head again to see Ron trudging in to the office. He'd only just sat down when a bright green memo came shooting in to our in tray. Green memo's were the lower scale warning that something serious had happened and I could see Ron scowling as he moved to quickly snatch it up.

"Llewellyn, we're on a call out."

I couldn't stifle a groan as I moved, my shoulders cracking as I stretched and stood up.

"What is it?"

"Missing muggle near one of those sites of experimental magic. The one up near Newcastle."

That was not good. Not good at all.

"Shit. I was up there just the other day. All the test results came back inconclusive for what sort of magic was being used."

"Can you apparate us there?"

I took in Ron's tired appearance, there were almost purplish bruises under his eyes, and I nodded before leading him to the apparition point. Given that I knew exactly where we were going now, we didn't need to floo to that old pub first.

Ron held on to my free arm tightly as I took my wand out so he could side-along apparate with me. When we emerged behind one of the abandoned buildings on the dockside we were welcomed by a swirling wind and the spatter of heavy rain. I mumbled a quick spell and soon the rain kept off me and I saw Ron had quickly done the same.

I edged towards the end of the building to look out on the dockside but given the miserable weather I wasn't surprised to see it appeared completely abandoned. Not even Mr Bob Task who I had interviewed last time was in sight.

"Right, they had a dockside office about a five minute walk from here, follow me."

Ron nodded silently as he fell into step behind me. I didn't think the silence between us was awkward but I couldn't think of anything to say to him. Apart from a brief interaction in the Weasley kitchen Ron and I had hardly spoken more than a few words to each other since his loss of temper and my outburst at him. I mean we didn't normally speak all that much to each other anyway but I felt as though I should be saying something. Luna had let us know that Ron had at least gotten his act together and spoken to her on Saturday evening and escorted her home so that was some positive news but given how exhausted he appeared it was clear he wasn't okay.

Our food steps thumped loudly on the wooden walkway and Ron had now moved to walk beside me. I shot him a quick look from the corner of my eyes and decided to take the mandrake by its leaves.

"So Weasley, are you-"

"What's that building there?"

Ron cut my question off any my eyes moved to his face. He was deliberately not looking at me and I quickly followed his line of sight. He was eyeing up the warehouse where I had seen evidence of magic. Okay so maybe he hadn't deliberately avoided my question.

"That's the place where I saw signs of experimental magic. There was some sort of muggle repellent on it last time I was here."

"Let's go check it out."

I scrunched my nose in confusion.

"If there's a muggle repellent then our missing muggle isn't likely to be there or maybe", I quickly added as the thought hit me, "the reason the muggle is missing is because the muggle police don't even think to look there."

Ron's mouth flattened into a grim smile as he nodded once at me. I hummed to myself as we walked on, this time Ron was leading and I contemplated him seriously. I often forgot because Ron was so blundering in many ways that he was in fact two years more experienced than me as an auror and added to that he had seven years of helping Harry in his battles against You Know Who under his belt too. He really was a very good auror, and I'd do well to remember it.

I froze at the same instant Ron did when we realised the door to the warehouse was ajar. Ron gestured at me silently to wait as he edged forward, wand at the ready as he checked to see if there was anyone there. After a long pause he nodded at me and together we stepped into the disused warehouse.

The first thing I noticed was the smell. I had to resist scratching my nose as the strong scent of burning reached me. There was the stench of singed hair but also a strong metallic burn but it didn't quite match the smell like when a cauldron exploded. If anything it reminded me vaguely of when my mam's electric kettle had blown up. That was a faint memory though but it was the closest I could think of to match this particular smell.

The second thing I noticed was the sound. There was a light buzzing that got louder the more steps we took into the building. As it was such a gloomy day outside very little light was getting inside through the cracked windows. I muttered _lumos_ under my breath and held my wand up high. The light from it cast a wide circle and I couldn't help the startled cry that left my mouth when my eyes landed on a misshapen lump that appeared to be in the very centre of the warehouse floor.

"What", I swallowed and tried again. "What the hell is that?"

Ron just grunted as we edged forward. The smell was getting worse, it was so strong now it was like I could taste it and there was an underlying stench, like something had gone off and I used the sleeve of my robe to cover my nose and mouth. Ron quickly did the same.

The source of the buzzing sound soon became apparent. Flies, hundreds if not thousands of them were crawling over the mass of…something that was on the floor. Maggots could be seen wiggling and crawling everywhere as they fed on the substance that was on the ground. Using his wand Ron sent a light gust of wind to disperse the flies and we finally got a look at what was on the ground. I could see intestines, metres and metres of them spooled out across the floor. And there was blood, so much blood congealed and clotted. There where white bits of what looked like thin ribbon or wire interspersed between what looked like hunks of cut beef and the wide dark circle of dried blood around the mass seemed to indicate it had been there for well over twenty four hours. My eyes moved up and I froze. That was a spine surely and was…was that a heart? Were those sunken grey masses _lungs?_ I chanced a quick glance to the very top of the mass. Under a crawling mass of black flies, and I could see it clearly now, was a skull.

This was a human being. An _inside out_ human being.

"Fuck. This is just like the fish."

Ron choked on my words and dry heaved. I couldn't blame him. I couldn't take my eyes off the body. How could a spell do this? How could there possibly be enough behind a spell to generate enough power to do this?

I felt a hand on my shoulder as Ron yanked me backwards even as he coughed. I left the warehouse in a daze and Ron let go of my shoulder once we were outside and abruptly turned to the edge of the dock as he bent over and vomited. I tried to draw in a breath of clean air, to get rid of the smell from my nose but it was like it was seared in to my very skin, like it had sunk in to my clothes and I couldn't escape it. I grimaced and closed my eyes but all I could see was the body. I snapped them open quickly again and noted that Ron seemed to have stopped being sick. I conjured a glass of water for him and hesitantly walked over to him.

"Here."

"Thanks."

He sipped at the water before taking a deep breath and grimacing.

"I think that's the worst thing I've ever seen."

I nodded in silent agreement.

"We've got to call this in. I'll wait here, you head up to that muggle office you were on about to see if you can find out the name of the muggle."

I nodded again before heading off, focused on nothing more really than keeping the contents of my stomach quiet. They rolled uncomfortably inside me and I clamped my mouth tightly shut. I could feel bile at the back of my throat.

When I got to the office it was shut but a quick alohamora spell let me in. It didn't take me long to discover that all the mail noted as being for Mr B. Task was unopened. The local newspaper that had been posted through the door provided me with everything I needed. There on the second page it read 'Local business owner Mr Task feared missing.' I shut my eyes tightly and struggled to breathe. He'd been a nice man, helpful and seemingly happy with his lot in the world. The fact that someone from the magical community had completely destroyed him like they had. I heaved, slapping a hand across my mouth and I stood there quivering for long moments before I felt I had my stomach under control.

I quickly left and locked up the office again before I headed back down to Ron. More aurors had arrived to examine the crime scene and to decide what to do with the body. Normally when a muggle had been murdered due to magic we could liaise with the muggle police but with _this_ …I couldn't see how we could hand the body over. It wasn't even really a body anymore, not when the insides were not confined by skin. I heaved again.

 _Get a grip Non. Stop thinking about it, just stop._

That was much easier said than done. Thankfully Ron asked me to head back to the Ministry so I could start writing up and to make our cases on experimental magic a priority. Inside out fish were one thing but a muggle being experimented on was disastrous.

Back at my desk I sat with my rubbish bin on my lap and every few minutes I had to stop my writing to cough before my stomach would settle back down. It was getting to the stage now that I'd rather throw up and just get it over with but my body didn't seem to want to comply. I could feel the sweat on my forehead as my thin hair was plastered to my head.

A memo came fluttering to rest above my head. I put my quill down and retrieved it and set about clumsily opening it with one hand.

"Dear Ms Llewellyn,

There is a visitor waiting in the atrium for you. Please confirm how you wish to proceed."

 _Brilliant_.

My stomach churned at the thought of going up to the atrium. I couldn't run the risk of spewing in front of a large number of people.

I quickly scribbled a response asking the visitor to attend the entranceway to the auror department. There were a row of small seats right before the front desk that would have to do. I slowly walked there, taking the rubbish bin with me. I didn't trust myself to be parted from it. I sat down on one of the seats and nervously waited to see who would arrive. I never got any visitors so this was something completely out of the ordinary.

The lift doors let out a soft ping as they slid open and only one person stepped out. The lime green dragon skin jacket was a huge give away and as I glanced up to see the smiling face of George Weasley my stomach did its normal flip of nerves. I heaved and slapped a hand over my face, clenching my teeth shut and I saw George's smile falter.

"Non?"

My stomach gave another lurch and this time there really was no stopping it. I grasped the rubbish bin between my hands as I retched and finally emptied the contents of my stomach. I took deep shuddering breaths and kept my face hidden in the bin as I counted to ten silently. When I finally felt my stomach calm enough I muttered a quick spell to clean the contents of the bin. I glanced up through my hair to see George still standing although he was no longer smiling.

"Uh, hi."

I cringed at how shaky my voice sounded and I kept a hand over my mouth, I was sure my breath would smell disgusting. I couldn't believe I'd just thrown up in front of him. A feeling of mortification swept over me and I closed my eyes with a grimace.

"Are – are you alright?"

He took a hesitant step forward before taking a seat but I was very grateful to see it was two away from mine.

"Are you sick?"

I actually managed a weak chuckle.

"I mean _obviously_ you're sick. Stupid question."

I snuck a quick glance at George and was amazed to see his ears were turning red.

"No I'm – I'm not sick".

I was amazed I managed to get the words out. I took another deep breath and tried to explain, now determined not to look at him as my embarrassment was really setting in.

"I've just seen something really" I coughed and ducked my head back into the bin for a moment trying to block the images from my mind. "Really disgusting."

I was quite proud I managed to finish my sentence as I lifted my head again.

"Right. So, I suppose me asking you to lunch is out of the question?"

My snort of laughter almost turned into something far worse as I ducked my head back into the bin.

"Um, just a bit. Not sure anywhere would let me bring the bin."

I heard George chuckle just as my stomach gave another lurch. He had a deep laugh I noted absently as I tried to focus on breathing through my nose.

"I suppose not. How about tomorrow then, or Friday?"

I kept my face hidden in the bin as I pondered his question. I'd literally just vomited in front of him, why on earth would he want to go for lunch? The image of the destroyed human body flashed through my mind again and I groaned. There was no way I'd be having any lunch breaks the rest of this week even if I wanted one – we'd be too busy trying to figure out the mess.

"Right, bad idea."

He sounded deflated. I wish I knew what expression he had on his face but I couldn't face looking at him.

"No, not a bad idea. Just I don't think I'm going to be having any lunch breaks this week. Work's going to be a bit mental."

I was met with silence.

"Honestly George I'm not making an excuse."

"Alright."

I heard him shuffle slightly but I resisted the urge to look.

 _Why did I have to vomit in front of_ him?

"Well, my brother Charlie is home this weekend with his fiancé. Mum wants us all to meet up again on Saturday after last week's false start. Lunch and dinner. Make a proper day of it. You want to come?"

I hesitated. My honest answer was no. A whole _day_ with the Weasleys and everyone else? I wasn't sure I could actually handle that much socialising.

"You can bring your bin and everything. It can have its own chair."

I bit my lip to stop myself smiling as I finally chanced to look up out of the bin to see George stood up, a crooked smile on his face.

"Well, if I can bring my bin…"

His smile grew and he nodded his head once.

"Alright then."

"Good."

George gazed at me a moment and opened his mouth before he shook his head.

"What?"

It didn't seem from what little I knew of George that he would be indecisive.

"Nothing important. I'll leave you to it. See you Saturday Non."

"See you. Sorry for not being able to go to lunch."

George had half turned but paused at my words and looked back as a grin flitted across his face.

"Well it's a crushing disappointment Non I'll admit. I mean not one lunch request refused but _three._ "

I winced.

"Oh Merlin, I really am sorry."

"Suppose you'll have to make up for it."

"Uh…yes?"

 _No. You should have said no stupid Non._

I blinked stupidly. George beamed. I hoped I was imagining the wicked gleam in his eyes.

 _I really shouldn't have said yes._

"I'll look forward to that then."

I blushed.

"Bye Non."

I was still blinking stupidly and clutching the bin for minutes after the lift had taken George back up to the Atrium.

I shook myself as I made my way to my locker to fish out my spare tooth brush and I set about removing the taste of vomit from my mouth. As I clocked a look at my reflection in the mirror I stilled. I looked _terrible_. My hair was now completely lank, the skin of my face looked almost grey and I had dark circles under my eyes. Why on earth would George have even wanted to ask me for lunch? To meet with his family again?

I felt a wave of mortification wash over my and I closed my eyes as I continued to brush my teeth. I was starting to learn that it was better to just not look at myself when thoughts like this appeared. They were the truth but the truth made me miserable. I'd already known I wasn't good enough for George, I didn't want to see the evidence of it right in front of my face. Not after today.

I'd been right in my prediction that I wouldn't be able to have a lunch break for the rest of the week. Work was flat out and I didn't get home until 9 o'clock at night at at the earliest for the rest of the week as we set up a watch schedule to monitor the warehouse. Mr Task's remains had been removed for an in depth autopsy at St Mungo's and I knew Beckett was eager for its results. Until they were received though we were to monitor not just the warehouse near Newcastle, but the other four sites of experimental magic too. It meant that I was going to be starting shift work sooner than I had planned in my phased return to field work and I cursed at the timing but was thankful enough that I didn't have to start on that until Monday.

We'd also been working hard to keep the news of this muggle's death from the magical press but they had managed to sneak a few bits of information into one tiny article. Thankfully Harry had actually made more of the headlines this week after he'd been roped in by Auror Stent, who organised the defence rota for important ministers, to do some more PR stunts with Minister of Magic Shaklebolt.

On Saturday morning I took my time in getting ready. I had worried to start with when living with Hermione that she would find me strange when I went to sit outside to go through my morning breathing routine like the healers had taught me but if she thought me weird she didn't say anything.

In fact one of the bonuses of Hermione living with me now is that she was able to help me pick out what to wear when I'd finally admitted I didn't have a clue.

"Honestly Non the Weasley's won't care at all what you wear."

But she'd still helped and as we walked up to The Burrow I nervously played with the strap of my bag but felt comfortable enough in my flower patterned skort (the greatest clothing invention) and a simple black vest with a high neckline. I was thankful at least that I wasn't in jeans this time as it was another blazing sunny day. I cast a quick sun protection charm so as to protect my skin. Being fair skinned, freckled and blue eyes I'd be turning pink within a few minutes of being out in this heat.

Ginny welcomed us both into The Burrow and quickly waived off our offers to help with anything.

"Honestly don't, Aunt Muriel is here so mum's pretty much barricaded herself into the kitchen. My advice? Avoid at all costs."

Hermione and I shared a look before silently agreeing to head straight outside.

"Oh and Non, would you mind taking over Teddy duty for a bit? I don't know what sweets the twins gave him earlier but he's absolutely bouncing. Harry and I could really do with a break."

"Shouldn't the twins be looking after him then?"

I nodded along with Hermione's question but Ginny just smirked.

"If you think combining the twins with a hyperactive four year old is a good idea then you may want to reassess how well you know them Mione."

I had to stifle a laugh as even Hermione giggled.

"I guess I didn't think of that."

"What didn't you think of?"

Fred's voice chimed into the conversation as he joined us on the porch. I took my time in the break in conversation to survey the garden and take in just how many people were here. Teddy duty was sounding better and better.

"Oh, nothing…"

I quirked my lips at Hermione's vague answer.

Fred clearly wasn't satisfied with her answer but he stilled momentarily when he saw me before he plastered a grin on his face and shoved a plate of biscuits he was carrying at me.

"Have a biscuit Non, they're really good."

I eyed Fred wearily. He had been grumpy with me when I'd last seen him and I wasn't sure if this was an olive branch or revenge. I knew enough about the Weasley Wizard Wheezes products to know to be extra cautious when accepting something from the twins. The corner of his mouth twitched, only slightly, and I knew this was something best to avoid.

"Maybe later Fred, don't want to spoil my lunch. But thank you."

"Later? I'll remember that."

Why did everything one of the twins say always seem to carry some sort of mischievous threat?

"Oh thank goodness you're here."

I glanced up at the new voice to see a harried looking Andromeda Tonks hurrying up to us. She shot Fred a filthy look before she grabbed on to my arm to lead me out into the garden.

"One of these days I will murder the twins."

I chuckled at her muttered threat. I didn't like walking through the centre of the garden, I'd have much preferred to make my way around the edges. Glancing to my left I could see a table set under an awning where a tiny frail old witch sat with Mr Weasley, Percy and Audrey next to her. That must be the infamous Aunt Muriel. Straight ahead I could see Harry, Ron, Luna and the hyperactive Teddy who was currently using the set of tables and chairs as a climbing frame. I felt a smile appear on my face as I started to stretch out my arms. This was clearly going to be an active Teddy duty. I snuck a quick look to my right and could see Bill and Fleur with little Victoire talking to a red headed man who looked a taller burlier version of the twins who had to be Charlie and a tall witch with short cropped blonde hair; his fiancé. Nerves shot through me again as my eyes moved on to George to see him already looking at me and I gave him a half wave in greeting.

"Llewellyn about time."

Ron looked absolutely harried and even the usually serene Luna looked ruffled as they quickly departed. Harry had the decency to shoot me a guilty look before he hurried off to find Ginny.

"Right Non under no circumstances is he allowed any more sugar. Try and get him to eat some normal food in about an hour. I'm hoping he'll crash out soon for a nap. And if possible, _please_ get him to wear his sun hat."

Andromeda gave me a grateful smile, patted my arm and swiftly left.

"Non Non!"

I had a split seconds notice as Teddy launched himself from one of the tables at me.

"Oof!"

I felt the air half knocked out of me as I just managed to catch the four year old.

"Teddy Teddy. Maybe don't fling yourself off of tables hmm?"

I got giggles in response as he tried to wiggle out of my hands. His hair was changing colour every few seconds and what I could see of his eyes they were a swirl of colour. His metamorphmagus powers were out of control and I felt queasy just looked at him.

"Hey Teddy, you reckon you can pick just one colour for your hair?"

"Nope! Non Non come see what I found."

There was no stopping Teddy Lupin then. He managed to wriggle out of my grasp and he set off at a run around the garden, intent on showing me all of his discoveries which admittedly seemed focused solely on the garden gnomes. For someone with such small legs he moved at a pace and I was soon out of breath and cursing my friends. How come there had been _five_ of them watching Teddy and they now left him just for me? Still, it meant I didn't have to socialise with anyone else so I decided to focus on that.

Teddy finally got bored of showing me around the garden and brought me over to a large blue blanket in the middle of the lawn which was covered with all of his toys.

"You are a very spoiled little boy Teddy Teddy hey."

My murmur was typically ignored by him as he told me quite seriously that we were now on a pirate mission to find some buried treasure. Seeing my chance I made a grab for Teddy's summer hat.

"Well every pirate captain needs to wear a hat right?"

It took five minutes of persuading until Teddy finally consented to wear it. George chose that moment to walk over and I had no qualms with scowling at him which judging by the grin on his face he only found amusing.

"What the hell did you feed him?"

I hissed at him quietly seeing as Teddy was suitably distracted for a moment and seemed at long last to be calming down slightly.

"Why hello Non. Yes it's lovely to see you too."

I fought against blushing as I rolled my eyes.

"Hi George. What did you give him?"

"Me? Nothing at all. It was all Fred."

I snorted.

"Sure it was."

"I'm wounded that you wouldn't believe me."

"Your reputation precedes you."

"Non Non come and play."

I glanced down to see Teddy waiting impatiently by the toy pirate ship and I shrugged at George.

"My captain calls."

I moved to kneel by Teddy on the blanket.

"Need any more pirates Captain Lupin?"

I raised an alarmed eyebrow as George addressed Teddy but had to bite back a smile at the serious expression that crossed Teddy's face as he considered the question.

"No."

"What, why not? Look I've got a pirate scar and everything, I'd be great."

George had moved to kneel by me after gesturing at his lack of a left ear and I had to stifle a chuckle as Teddy walked over to stand between us and crossed his arms as he scowled at George.

"No more pirates, I only need Non Non."

"But why?"

"Because…because…"

I leant forward quickly to mutter in to Teddy's ear.

"Because you're a scallywag!"

I hid my grin with a hand.

"A scallywag!"

George hooted with laughter.

"Seems I've quite the worrisome reputation Captain Lupin."

He'd addressed Teddy but I knew the words were for me but I only offered him another shrug.

"Seems like I'd be just the sort of pirate you'd need."

I froze at his words but he was looking directly at Teddy now who was pondering George's words quite seriously.

"Alright."

I tensed at Teddy's agreement and shot George a nervous smile. George however didn't seem nervous at all as he flung himself into Teddy's game of make believe pirates. I bit my lip as I tried to join in but I couldn't really let myself relax fully now that George was there. I felt absurdly self-conscious and was very happy when Teddy announced he needed the toilet and George volunteered to take him.

I let him know I was going to make up a plate of food from the lunch buffet Mrs Weasley had set up before I headed over. I hesitated as I grabbed two plates for Teddy and myself. Should I make one up for George too? But I decided quickly not to. I didn't know what he liked and he was more than able to make up his own. For Teddy I decided to plate up the same food as what I chose. I remembered he had been a very fussy eater when he was a baby so I figured if he was me eating something he would more than likely want to copy and have the same thing.

"Why do you keep looking up at the sky?"

I startled slightly at the accented voice and glanced to my left to see the tall blonde lady I'd noted earlier stood by who I'd guessed was Charlie Weasley and who I had to assume was his fiancé.

 _Shit, I forgot to ask George what her name is._

"I was?"

"Yes", she nodded slightly a light blush appearing on her cheeks and I cursed inwardly to see that she was embarrassed. "Sorry but I saw you doing it quite a lot earlier too."

It was my turn to blush.

"Oh right. That's just a habit. I live right by the Ynys Hir Dragon Reservation, I kind of always need to check the skies when I'm outside especially in summer."

Her eyes had lit up at the mention of dragons.

"You live by dragons? I work with dragons out in Romania with my Charlie. But do you not find them so very noisy? That is the one thing I find hard about them."

I grinned at her enthusiasm.

"Nah, they luckily aren't too close to my cottage and besides, Welsh Green's don't really roar, they sing."

I startled slightly as a male voice chimed in with my last two words and I glanced behind me to see Charlie Weasley had walked over. He kept moving until he stood next to the blonde witch and casually slid an arm around her waist. It was a fluid movement as though it came naturally to him as breathing and I bit down on a smile as the blonde settled comfortably into his side and smiled up at him. I felt a pang of jealousy. _This_ is what a couple set to marry should be like, not what the Ministry of Magic had foisted on the rest of us.

"I'm Charlie by the way and this," he gave the witch at his side a gentle squeeze with his arm, "is Alina."

Charlie Weasley was quite an imposing figure. He was as broad shouldered as George and Fred but was nearly as tall as Bill. He did however seem to have more freckles than the rest of the Weasley's combined and that combined with the easy smile on his face made him seem welcoming.

"I'm Non." I cursed silently at how quiet my voice sounded and I cleared my throat slightly and tried again. "It's nice to meet both of you."

"Are you finding this all as scary as me?"

I shot an alarmed look at Charlie at Alina's question but he only winked. I bit my lip as I glanced back at Alina and nodded.

"Oh good! I am glad it is not just me." She reached out to give my hand a squeeze and I smiled fully at that. I decided that I liked her. "Charlie did you know that Non lives by a dragon reservation?"

"I did indeed."

I raised a confused eyebrow. How did he know that? Perhaps Hermione had told him.

"We've met before."

My second eyebrow joined the first at his words.

"We have?"

I searched through my memory furiously. I couldn't remember ever meeting Charlie Weasley.

"You were a lot younger, on a trip to Diagon Alley with your brother."

I blinked stupidly. My _brother?_ I didn't have a brother. Before I could say anything Charlie carried on.

"You know him Alina he works out in Romania with us."

"Uh – what?"

Neither of them seemed to hear me.

"Oh! Oh you mean, of course he is Welsh and I knew that reservation name was familiar. I had not realised Griff was your brother!"

They were both smiling expectantly at me.

"Er – who? I think you might have me mixed up with someone else," I hurried to explain, "I don't have a brother. Or any other siblings actually."

Charlie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Are you sure? I mean I could have sworn you were the Non he speaks about. You really don't know Griff?"

I paused. I had known someone when I was younger with that name but I hadn't seen or heard from him in six years. In fact I actually thought he was dead. When someone disappears over night without leaving a note and you never hear from them again you did tend to think the worst.

"I – I knew a Gruffudd. Gruffudd Jones. I called him Gruff*." (A/N: *this is pronounced like the English Griff)

Charlie was smiling again.

"Yes that's him. Although I thought his surname was Llewellyn Jones. Isn't that your surname?"

I blinked again and had to fight against taking a step away from Charlie and Alina.

"N-no I'm just a Llewellyn. I-" I struggled for my words. "He was never my brother."

I tried to ignore the concerned looks they were shooting each other and I tried to explain myself further.

"I mean, he looked after my when I was growing up and he stayed over a lot. He was more like…I dunno like a live in babysitter."

Charlie's eyebrows shot up at that and his smile fell from his face as he studied me more closely.

"Are you alright Non?"

I swallowed heavily at his question as I took a few seconds to try and settle my breathing. My thoughts were racing. I hadn't thought about Gruff for _years_. He'd upped and disappeared one day when I was fifteen, coming up to six years ago and after the first year of waiting for news the war had kicked in and after that I'd given up any hope of him being alive. The Gruffudd I'd grown up with would have found me again after the war knowing my parents were no longer alive. He wouldn't have just left me all alone.

"I- yes I'm fine. He - he's alive then?"

"You thought he was dead?"

Alina's shocked voice prompted a further response from me.

"Well, yes. He disappeared years ago and I've never heard anything from him since. We, I mean my parents and I, thought the worst."

I shrugged not knowing what else to say.

"He's been out at the reservation in Romania for about five years."

Charlie's voice was quiet and I gave a stiff nod at his words.

"Right well that – that's good to know." I forced a smile on to my face to plaster over the confusing mix of relief and hurt I was feeling. "I'd better get back to getting Teddy his food. It was really nice to meet you both and - and congratulations on your engagement."

I can't believe I'd forgotten to already congratulate them. I ignored their baffled looks as I hurriedly added more food to the two plates I'd already set out and I changed my mind and quickly chucked some food on a plate for George before I hurried back over to the blanket. I needed a distraction, anything, to take my mind off thoughts of Gruffudd and the fact that Charlie and Alina now probably thought I was a bit nuts.

Someone had sensibly (I refused to believe it was George) moved the blanket into a shaded area under a tree and I could see George and Teddy were already there along with Hermione and Fred. I quickly passed two of the plates to George before I settled down and rested my back against the tree.

"Right Non I need to warn you about Aunt Muriel before we sit down to dinner later."

I paused half way through biting through my cheese sandwich and shot George an alarmed look as Fred chuckled. I had so much adrenaline coursing through me after my conversation with Charlie that I was struggling to keep myself calm but I tried to cover that fact with a raised eyebrow.

"You see Non, for some absurd, ludicrous, baffling, un-justified reason Aunt Muriel doesn't like Fred and I."

I swallowed my mouthful of food.

"Un-justified?"

"I don't like what you're implying by that question Non," Fred held up a hand to his heart, "Surely you know we're completely innocent in all this."

Hermione's snort of laughter was all I needed to hear to get George explaining. I heard all about the instance with dung bombs under their Aunt's chair.

"But honestly Non it was a public service, she didn't come to stay for _years._ It was bliss."

"The rest of the family owe is really."

"You speak the truth Fred."

"Why thank you George."

I chuckled lightly as I placed an arm out to stop Teddy from leaving the blanket and I could see he was just getting to the stage of sleepy that he may actually succumb to a nap.

"C'mere and have a cwtsh Teddy hey."

Teddy hummed happily as he climbed in to my lap and I set my discarded plate to one side.

"Alright so I get whey she doesn't like you, but why do I need to be warned?"

"Guilt by association." George flashed a grin at me before continuing. "Plus she's a miserable old hag who delights in being rude to people so either way…be prepared."

I rolled my eyes.

"Great."

"Fred, you do know that guitar is horribly out of tune right?"

Hermione's question distracted me from whatever George had been about to say and I noticed that Fred was half-heartedly strumming at a child sized guitar.

"That would explain why it sounds so terrible. Care to tune it for me Ms Granger?"

It was Hermione's turn to roll her eyes.

"I don't know how Fred."

Fred grasped the guitar to him in mock horror.

"Hermione Granger not know something? It's the end of days George."

"Indeed it is. Well it was nice knowing you Gred."

"You too Forge."

"I can tune it."

I blinked in surprise at my own words. I hadn't meant to utter them, I hadn't even known I'd thought them but as three pairs of eyes swivelled to look at me I swallowed and spoke again.

"I used to play. Haven't for years mind so maybe I won't be able to."

I was nervous now. I truthfully hadn't touched a guitar since I was sixteen. I'd lost all enthusiasm for it after the war and even now years later I hadn't felt the urge to play. Fred held the guitar out for me.

"Be my guest."

I shrugged.

"Alright."

It was in truth a welcome distraction from my thoughts. I still didn't know what to make of George. We really needed to have a proper conversation about everything and I realised now, days later, that this perhaps was why he'd wanted to go to lunch with me so we could just try and talk through this crazy situation we found ourselves in. I wished now that I'd been able to, maybe it would have stopped me feeling quite so awkward still when he was near. I couldn't stop thinking about my conversation with Charlie and Alina either. It had completely thrown me for a loop and it was taking all of my concentration not to think about Gruff and to remain outwardly calm. I would have to save that for when I was home alone because by the lump I could feel forming in my throat I knew I was going to cry.

The guitar itself didn't take too long to tune but I pretended to tinker away at it for a lot longer than was needed. George and Fred were called away by Mrs Weasley to help with the setting up of the tables and I lulled into a peaceful silence with Hermione, Teddy having finally fallen asleep, interspersed only occasionally by my playing half tunes on the guitar. The day was so warm, and Teddy so heavy against me I had to fight to keep my eyelids open.

 **A/N: Okay I've had to make the decision to stop the chapter here. I've got loads I want to write about the dinner and evening ahead and it would have turned this chapter into a monster one and I really wanted to get an update done this week for you. I don't understand why all of the chapters for this story all want to be super long but really it just seems to be writing itself so I guess I should just go with it.**

 **Let me know what you thought about the chapter if you can. And to my new followers – hello! I really hope you enjoy this instalment.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 8

I started awake with a jump to see Ginny stood over me and I blinked, confused. It took me a few seconds to remember where I was and I ducked my head to hide my embarrassment as I realised I'd fallen asleep in the Weasley's garden whilst I was propped up against the tree.

"Where's Teddy?"

I realised with some alarm he was nowhere in sight.

"Andromeda took him home about half hour ago. I can't believe you didn't wake up. You that tired?"

"Yeah, I guess…"

I trailed off as I rubbed the back of my neck which felt a bit stiff. I must have slept with my head at an awkward angle. It wasn't like me not to wake when being disturbed, I was normally a light sleeper and I frowned at myself.

"How long have I been out for?"

Ginny smirked slightly as she offered me a hand to help pull me to my feet.

"Oh, about three hours."

I spluttered.

" _Three_? Why didn't anyone wake me? And what – what the hell is on my head?"

I lifted a hand up tentatively as I felt something move against my hair.

"Teddy made you a daisy chain crown. And George wouldn't let anyone wake you."

"Oh."

I pointedly ignored Ginny's eyes as I darted my own around the quickly to try and spy where George was but I couldn't see him anywhere. I didn't know what to make of Ginny's comment so I thought my best option would be to ignore it.

A light huff brought my attention back to Ginny but she just rolled her eyes as she grabbed my arm to drag me to the run of tables set out on the lawn and I blearily rubbed at my eyes with my spare hand in an attempt to feel more awake as I allowed myself to be tugged along. I chewed on my lip as I mulled over that I hadn't actually been all that sociable. I hadn't even said hello to most people here and then had pretty much passed out asleep. What the hell must they all be thinking of me? I also realised with a sudden burst of alarm that I hadn't thought to bring anything with me for Mrs Weasley. That's something I should have done right? Like brought some wine, or offered to make something for desert, was that something that people did when they were invited for dinner?

"Does your mam need help with anything Ginny? I feel bad I've not done anything."

Ginny shook her head at my question as she steered me to a chair at the end of the run of tables.

"Nope. Not this time, like I said earlier any excuse to avoid Aunt Muriel."

Ginny's voice had dropped to a whisper as her eyes flickered to the other end of the run of tables where the small yet apparently fearsome old lady was sat at the head of the table, Mr Weasley by her side. Percy was sat in the first seat on the right side of the tables followed by Fleur, Bill, Hermione and Fred. Harry was just moving to sit by Fred as Ginny plonked herself next to him. The first seat on the left side of the tables was empty but following on from that was Audrey, Charlie, Alina, Luna, Ron, and an empty seat directly opposite Ginny. I let out an inner sigh of relief, pleased that I was at the very end so I wouldn't be trapped in from either side even if it did mean I was at technically directly opposite Aunt Muriel. There was enough of a distance with the amount of tables between us that I hedged a bet I wouldn't have to talk with her. It may even be possible that I could get away with not talking to her at all and I bit my lip in guilt at the surge of hope I'd felt at that thought. I was being rude really by not talking to her but, and here I mentally shrugged, I would follow George's lead on when to be introduced to her.

I sat quietly as conversation from around the table washed over me. I don't think I'd ever been to a sit down meal like this before and whilst I'd obviously experienced the busy meal times at Hogwarts in terms of family meals there had only ever been me, my parents and often Gruffudd. I felt a pang of pain at the thought of Gruffudd and I started to chew on my lip as I furiously tried to direct my thoughts elsewhere. The conversation with Alina and Charlie really had thrown me, I could admit that to myself, but now wasn't the time to consider it. Either way I knew I wasn't comfortable in this setting and I felt my stomach dip as a wave of melancholy washed over me. Everyone here seemed so happy and at ease, even Hermione seemed to be enjoying herself but I just felt miserably awkward.

A distraction came then in the form of George who settled in the empty seat that was to the left of me. The resulting anxiety that spread through me however was not welcome and I only managed a tight smile as he greeted me and we settled in to silence, and I kept my gaze determinedly on the empty space on the table in front of me.

 _He must think I'm so boring. C'mon Non, at least think of_ something _to say._

But I didn't have anything. I felt like I had a mouth full of cotton wool and it was all I could do to keep my breathing even and George didn't offer up any words of his own. Further down the table I could hear people laughing and I bet in ordinary circumstances or when someone wasn't as socially backward as me that George would normally be one of the ones leading the laughter. I started chewing on my lip again when thankfully Mrs Weasley appeared, plates of food hovering by her as she waved her wand and they came floating along to settle in front of us in turn.

I swallowed heavily at what she had made. Spaghetti bolognese.

I had still been having bouts of queasiness following from Wednesday's recovery of Mr Task's remains and this was almost too much. Long strings of pasta covered in a rich red sauce filled with chunks of meet. I breathed in through my nose sharply as I pressed my lips together and tried to count to ten silently as I desperately tried to think of something else.

 _I can't eat spaghetti properly_.

My nerves surged.

 _Not helpful Non_.

I darted a glance around the table to see that most had already started to expertly eat their spaghetti by twisting it around a spoon. How on earth did they even do that?

I had to do something soon, someone was bound to notice I wasn't moving otherwise and I wanted to avoid questions at all costs. Breathing deep through my nose again I grabbed a knife and fork and set about cutting the spaghetti up into bite size pieces. That part of my task done I breathed deep again before tightening my grip on my fork and I started to eat.

 _That's it Non, open mouth, put in food, chew chew chew, swallow. Repeat. Do NOT think of anything else._

I set my fork down with a huge sigh of relief once I'd finished and I sat back in my chair as I cautiously wiped at my mouth with a napkin in case I'd managed to get some of the sauce over my face.

"Were you guy having a race or something?"

I started slightly at George's voice but when I darted my eyes to him he was looking at Ron. I was momentarily confused until I could see that Ron and even Harry had finished eating too, while George and Ginny still had half a plateful left.

"Something like that."

Ron's muttered reply and thin grim smile was enough to let me know he was experiencing something similar to me.

"Finished already dears?"

Mrs Weasley's voice was drifting closer.

"Here I can dish you up some more."

"No!"

Mrs Weasley stopped abruptly at the chorus of negatives.

"Er, I mean, Er no thank you Mrs Weasley – err Molly."

Harry gave a little cough and I could see his skin had gone slightly grey.

"I'm absolutely full Mrs-Molly. It was delicious thank you."

The quivering of my stomach did not agree with my words.

"Yeah sorry mum I'm full too."

"Full? Are you quite well dear? You always have seconds."

Mrs Weasley tried to place the back of her hand on Ron's forehead as though to check for a temperature.

"Geroff mum, honestly I'm fine."

Mrs Weasley did not look convinced but she nodded to herself once before heading back to her end of the table.

"Okay Ronniekins you are not fine, you never turn down food. In fact you normally make attempts to eat as much as disgustingly possible. "

"Leave off George, it just reminded me of something is all."

I must have let out a pitiful whimper as I saw George and Ginny glance my way before I shut my eyes tightly and gripped hard on to the table with one hand, trying to focus on that than the images flashing through my mind. I heard Harry mutter to himself as well, he had seen the images in the report so whilst he hadn't had the full effect of both sight and smell first hand it was enough to have even made him feel sick.

"Please can someone mention something else to think about, please."

Harry's voice sounded clipped to my ears.

"Professor Slughorn naked."

"Ginny!"

"You're sick."

"Gin that's, that's gross."

Ginny's grinning face came into view as I snapped my eyes open.

"Worked though didn't it?"

George was chuckling loudly and as I half scowled at her I had to concede she was right. My eyes caught Harry's gaze and I was in the process of sharing a commiserating smile with him before I remembered I was annoyed with him and I scowled properly and his own smile dropped.

"Non you aren't still angry with Harry are you? I thought he apologised?"

Ginny was looking at me expectantly and I felt my brow furrow in confusion.

"He has not."

"Yes I have!"

Harry was indignant and I shot him an irritated look.

"You have not. I've hardly seen you all week. When did you apologise?"

I was _sure_ he hadn't.

"Monday morning. I bought you apology bagels."

I felt my lip try to twitch into a smile.

"Apology bagels?"

I mean I'm not going to lie that probably would have gotten me to forgive him. He was nodding his head at me.

"Well I never saw them Harry. How am I supposed to believe you got them?"

Harry took in a deep breath as I could see him starting to get annoyed as he prepared a response. Huh, maybe he _had_ gotten me bagels. But then what had happened to them? I remembered George's words then about Ron always eating and I cast Ron a suspicious look. His face was bright red with his lips pressed tightly together. I gasped.

"You! Ron you ate my apology bagels!"

"Ah what Ron you didn't, did you?"

Ron was hooting softly with laughter, utterly unrepentant as Harry and I both stared at him accusingly.

"Come off it you two, don't look at me like that. Beckett wasn't letting her out of training all day, they'd have gone to waste otherwise."

He may have had a point.

"You still should have told me Ron. If I'd known Harry'd apologised I wouldn't have – have stayed so angry at him."

I was hoping no one noticed my hesitation. I'd almost owned up to charming the toilet roll to stick to Harry's shoe on the Wednesday morning and given the headlines that action had generated I didn't think he'd be very happy with me. Recalling that particular headline I had to fight off a giggle as my lip twitched with suppressed laughter.

"Why did you hesitate?"

Harry was staring at me intently and I could see suspicion growing in his face. His green eyes really could be quite intimidating. I raised a hand to my mouth to pretend to cough. I couldn't answer him, I knew I'd laugh.

"It was you, wasn't it?"

My shoulders were starting to shake with suppressed laughter.

"I'm s-sorry."

I managed to splutter the words out before I broke down into proper silent laughter, my whole body shaking.

"What did she do? What did you do Non?"

Ginny was glancing between the two of us, confused yet her mouth was tilted up in amusement. I darted guilty glances at the faces around me. George looked confused but there was a small smile on his face as they all looked at me expectantly.

"Oh Merlin, okay it was really childish. You didn't manage to see a particular headline about Harry in the paper did you?"

George's eyes lit up as Ginny and Ron tried to hide a laugh.

"What the 'Potter Pooper' one? I thought Skeeter was just annoyed Harry wouldn't give her an interview."

"She was." Harry snapped at George as I'd started to laugh again. "Someone," he shot me a nasty look, "charmed toilet roll to stick to my shoe all day. It wasn't – it wasn't funny! I had to meet foreign dignitaries that day!"

My whole body shook with more silent laughter as my eyes watered and the more Harry continued to protest how unfunny it was the more we all laughed. I took a deep shuddering breath as I tried to compose myself.

"I- I really am sorry Harry. I thought you'd notice early on and get rid of it."

He shot me a rueful smile and then shrugged as he too started to chuckle.

"S'alright."

"Good, you can both go back to being friends now, right?"

I glanced at Ginny and smiled. Harry had hurt me but as he shifted guiltily again I knew it had been an accident. Harry wasn't a spiteful person so I hummed my affirmation and nodded. A smile back from Harry settled the matter and then it turned out to be time for desert.

Mrs Weasley had made trifle. I quickly forgot my laughter at the prospect of eating jelly with everything looking all mushed up like, like…

 _Potter Pooper Non. Just focus on that._

I smirked to myself as I sped ate my desert. I ignored the raised eyebrow of George as I sat back again in my seat. Everyone else, even Harry and Ron, appeared happy to take their time now. My nerves started to make a reappearance and it was only when I realised I was twisting my fingers in my lap that I remembered to focus on my breathing. Easy conversation washed over me as I sat again worried about what to say when I decided to take a toilet break and re-group.

I muttered to Ginny where I was going as I slipped quietly from the table. I jolted slightly at the sight of my reflection in the bathroom cabinet mirror; I'd forgotten that I was still wearing the daisy chain Teddy had made and I smiled softly at the thought of him. He was such a sweet kid. After doing my business I washed my hands as I thought of what I could possibly talk to George about. I couldn't think of anything. I couldn't even use work as a topic given how bad it had been this week. I sighed miserably and I splashed water on my face before I patted my face dry and took a deep breath and squared my shoulders so I could steel myself to go back outside. I just had to hope that George would figure out something to talk about.

I knew as soon as my eyes landed back on the tables outside that something was wrong. Ron and George's backs were facing me but they were sat far too upright and they both had tension across their shoulders. I could see a clear glower on Fred's face and the Hermione's seat was empty. I scanned the garden and could see she had settled down to sit right at the bottom of it. Ginny's face was tight with anger but I could see her shooting concerned looks at Luna as I got closer to the table. I faltered slightly as I took my seat as I could see even as Luna's head was downcast that her cheeks were wet with tears. Ron had one hand placed awkwardly on the back of her chair as though he wanted to offer up a hug but he didn't quite dare. I glanced nervously around the table but my eyes caught on the beady gaze of Aunt Muriel sat at the other end of the tables to me.

Well, at least now I could have a decent guess as to why Hermione and Luna were upset. I tried to ignore the thundering of my heart as my adrenaline spiked at the hint of threat in her gaze and my hands grasped the edge of my chair lightly. I wasn't going to let her upset me. Firstly I was an auror, I was trained to deal with antagonistic people. Secondly I wasn't a stranger to grumpy old women. In our local chapel when I was growing up there's been a couple of absolute bitches that my mam always had run ins with and I thought then of her advice.

 _Kill them with kindness Non._

I felt a small smile slip on to my face as I inclined my head at Aunt Muriel.

"It would appear my great nephew has misplaced what few manners he's ever owned and has neglected to introduce you to me dear."

Aunt Muriel's voice was a lot stronger than her appearance would suggest it would be and it carried easily to me.

"Of course I didn't introduce her, didn't want to traumatise her did I?"

"George!"

Mrs Weasley looked horrified and I had to fight to keep my expression neutral as I glanced at George. He was glaring pointedly at his aunt, arms crossed over his broad chest and so he missed my look.

"What's your name dear?"

My eyes snapped back to Aunt Muriel.

"My name's Non Llewellyn ma'am."

"You call me Aunt Muriel. And Llewellyn did you say?"

I struggled to hide a wince at how badly she mispronounced my surname.

"Don't tell me you're Welsh? A backward people I've always found. Why I remember one wizard was so dumb he could hardly speak English."

I felt a spark of anger in my chest and I fought to keep my smile soft. This was like having an encounter with Rita Skeeter when I knew I had to remain polite otherwise she'd run a trash piece against the aurors in her next article.

"I am so blessed to be Welsh, yes."

Beady eyes narrowed at me.

"You don't speak that awful language do you? Sheer stupidity to speak it in this day and age when everyone can speak English."

I could feel my anger flare. I _hated_ it when English people rubbished my language. Why they thought it unusual to speak the language of your own country I could never fathom. I also could never understand their need to feel that English was superior. Perhaps Aunt Muriel was simply ignorant and didn't know the history of the English literally beating the language out of Welsh school children. It was amazing my language had survived the muggle English establishment's onslaught at all.

"I speak the language of my country and the indigenous language of this Island, yes. It's beautiful."

Neutral tone, soft smile, and a scowl in return. Perfect.

"Beautiful? Sounds like a mouthful of spit if you ask me."

 _No one did you spiteful cow._

When I didn't respond she decided to change tack.

"Well I suppose the Ministry must have known what they were doing pairing someone from a backwater with an imbecile and drop out. I suppose you're well matched."

I heard George's angry intake of breath and I was momentarily stunned at just how _rude_ she was. Was she just like this naturally or was she genuinely just doing this for a reaction? It felt nice to have my mind work through her motives as it stopped me from getting too angry to respond.

"I'm not sure I understand you Aunt Muriel."

"I'm talking about George dear. My ill-mannered, failure of a nephew."

She spoke slowly as though I couldn't understand her words.

"Failure? I don't follow you sorry." I shot her an apologetic look before I carried on, making sure I furrowed my brow in a show of confusion. "Surely George is a co-owner of a very successful business. I mean you are, aren't you?"

I directed my question to George with pretend concern. He had his fingers covering his mouth but his eyes gleamed brightly and he simply nodded his confirmation. There was a slight tremor across his shoulders so I figured he was trying not to laugh.

"Well then, not a failure then."

I smiled softly at Aunt Muriel and she sniffed loudly.

"We have different standards, clearly."

Clearly, she meant mine were lower than hers.

"And what it is your father does dear?"

I saw from the corner of my eye both Mr and Mrs Weasley stiffen slightly. They had told _dear_ Aunt Muriel then that my parents were no longer alive I was sure. I tightened my grip on the sides of my chair.

"He was an unspeakable at the Ministry."

"Was? What does he do now?"

"Oh, he's dead Aunt Muriel."

How I was managing to keep my voice neutral now I wasn't quite sure but I focused on the feel of the wooden chair beneath my hands in an attempt to ground myself.

"And what is it your mother does?"

 _Bitch, bitch, bitch_.

She hadn't even paused to say she was sorry about my father.

"She was a music teacher at the local school."

"A muggle then. And what does she do now?"

"She's dead too, Aunt Muriel."

Aunt Muriel scoffed.

"An orphan then."

Her sheer dismissiveness nearly stunned me. I felt a pang of pain in my chest at her callousness but a pressure on my left foot was enough to get me to refocus.

"I believe that's the correct term, yes."

I was getting dangerously close to being flippant and I could see her eyes starting to gleam. Merlin she wanted a reaction, she wanted to upset me. I kept a soft smile on my face as I forced myself to deliberately loosen my grip on the chair and settle my hands in my lap as I relaxed my shoulders.

"A music teacher. That sounds lovely Non, did she ever teach you to play anything?"

Mr Weasley, bless his soul, was trying to intervene. I didn't speak often about my parents as I found it so painful but I would take this opportunity he had given me.

"She did Arthur yes, it's one of the benefits of growing up in such a cultured country." I paused slightly to let my gentle barb reach Aunt Muriel before I continued. "She taught me the piano, guitar, violin oh and the flute and the harp."

I nonchalantly added on the last two as though it was common to be able to play five musical instruments and I beamed a smile towards their end of the table. You know _technically_ I wasn't lying either. My mother had taught me to play all of those instruments. The fact that I had only stomached a handful of lessons on the flute and harp, was mediocre at best at the violin and guitar and could only truly play the piano well was not something I had to admit.

"When did they die dear?"

You know George had prepared me that Aunt Muriel wasn't going to be nice but the silence around the table at her latest question was so deep I don't think anyone had expected her to be quite this bad. I wanted desperately to chew on my lip or to show my unease but I was adamant I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of my true reaction. She'd upset my friends, been horrible to George and was being an absolute _bitch_ to me. I sent up a silent thanks to Beckett and the other aurors for training me so well to keep my composure.

"Oh, they died in the war Aunt Muriel."

I offered a shrug. This was normally enough to get people to stop asking questions.

"Be specific dear. Was it at the start? During? Did they fight? Come now we all sacrificed things for the war, tell me their story."

I could feel that my face was frozen in a neutral expression. In my mind the closed off doors were starting to rattle, both what I termed the war door and my parents door. I didn't know it if was a good thing that I compartmentalised things so much but I glanced down briefly as I tried to still my mind. Pressure on my left foot again helped to ground me.

"It was at the start I suppose."

"You suppose?" The scorn in her voice whipped over me but what caused me to startle as she smirked at me was the hand that had grabbed my left one. It had to have been George's, unless Ron's arms had all of a sudden become freakishly long, but I didn't dare look at him.

"They died on August 29th 1997". I felt the hand squeeze mine. "It was a Thursday," I added helpfully, and had to fight back a smirk at the glare she shot me. I squeezed the hand back.

"And how did they die?"

I froze. I couldn't think about that night. Wouldn't think about it.

"I'm not going to answer that question Aunt Muriel."

There was a repeated pressure on my left foot now and the hand holding mine was gripping it tightly.

"Why not?"

I blinked in shock at her snappish question as I gathered my thoughts. I was so angry, I could feel it churning in my chest, but I didn't want her to know that.

 _Neutral voice Non, soft smile, kill her with kindness remember._

"It's not something that I talk about and certainly not to someone whom I've only just met. You must forgive me Aunt Muriel, but the memory of my parents is precious to me. I'm sure you understand how important family can be to a person."

 _Take that you evil hag._

I allowed a confused look to pass over my face before I spoke again.

"You know I can't remember if I checked on one of the plants in my greenhouse this morning. I've been treating it for a fungal infection so I really ought to have. Would you mind if I checked with Hermione?"

I directed this question at Mrs Weasley hoping she'd give me the out I wanted as I squeezed the hand in mine again before I gently wiggled my fingers to get them to let go.

"Of course not dear, you run along."

"Thank you Mrs W – Molly." I shot her a true smile. "And thank you for food, it was delicious. Do you need me to help with the clearing up?"

"Oh no dear, Ron's told me how busy you've been this week don't trouble yourself."

We were both straining to be polite as possible.

"Okay then, thank you."

I stood up gratefully and inclined my head to Aunt Muriel before I turned and headed toward Hermione. I suppose I should have told her it was nice to have met her but I couldn't face forcing that lie to leave my mouth. As soon as my back was turned my face broke into a grown as I tried hard not to stop down the garden. Anger was washing through my in heavy waves and I felt the prickle of a flush of rage creeping up my neck and on to my face. I had no idea whether I'd handled that conversation well. She'd needled me more than anyone had in years. My hands were trembling with supressed adrenaline and I let out a shaky breath as I plonked down on to the ground by Hermione.

"What a bitch."

My quiet words were choked with anger and I was dismayed to feel tears prick at my eyes. I rubbed at my face furiously. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of having made me cry. My whole body was trembling now.

Hermione let out a snort of agreement as she wordlessly handed me a bottle. I glanced at her startled to see her face still wet with tears of her own but her eyes were blazing with anger.

"What's this then?"

I wiggled the bottle that was now in my hands for emphasis.

"Goblin wine apparently. That old hag brought it with her though so I suspect it's actually just some cheap knock off she's picked up. I – I think I hate her."

Hermione was rubbing absentmindedly at her forearm that still bore a very clear scar of the word Mudblook carved into her skin. It didn't appear that it was ever going to fade and I huffed angrily to myself before I took a suspicious swig.

"Huh. It tastes just like fruit juice. Maybe she's just recycled the bottle…"

Hermione and I continued to murmur to each other quietly as we drank and after a while I felt the anger drain out of my and I flopped down on to my back. Twilight was just starting to settle in and I tried to see if I could spy the appearance of the first star.

"You can really play five instruments?"

Hermione's question jolted me and a giggle escaped me.

"Ha no, not at all. I was absolutely rubbish at the harp and flute."

"So you lied?"

The amused smile on Hermione's face showed she didn't mind.

" _Technically_ no. I said my mam taught me to play them. Which she did."

We both laughed at that then and I all of a sudden felt better. I sat up again to reach for another drink from the bottle as Hermione sighed deeply and rolled her shoulders with a resounding crack.

"Merlin Hermione you need to do something about that."

"Urgh I know. I just always have to sit at my desk for so long or carry so many books."

"Tell you what Mione I'll set you up a training routine."

I ignored her snort of laughter and continued.

"Seriously, I'm out of shape too, I'll write up something for us tomorrow."

Hermione laughed even harder at my words and I found myself joining in, not knowing why it was so funny but just that it felt good to laugh. I let my hand trail through the grass as a pleasant warmth spread through me.

"Alright you two it's safe, the old battle axe has gone. And what exactly is so funny?"

I grinned up at Fred who had walked over to us as Hermione carried on laughing.

"I'm going to be her personal trainer."

"Hermione doesn't need a personal trainer."

Fred's look of confusion was adorable and I giggled.

"Is it safe to go back to the table then?"

Fred for some reason was shooting a suspicious look between me and Hermione.

"Yep it's all clear. Er – are you both okay?"

"Oh yes, fine fine." I waved away his concerns as I moved to stand up. I got to my feet successfully, took a step and then blinked to find myself back on the ground. Hermione was cackling.

"What on earth…"

I prodded at my right leg and glared at my feet suspiciously. I turned to tell Hermione to stop laughing, there was obviously something seriously wrong with my legs, only to see her fall backwards into the flowerbed as she tried to stand up. I laughed.

"Serves you right!"

Fred was huffing to himself before he called out for George and I moved again to stand up. I steadied myself and took one experimental step forward and I didn't fall. Excellent.

"C'mon then Mione, up you get."

I wobbled a few steps over to her but she was laughing too hard to hold her hand up for me to help.

"Fred, can you help?"

I glanced over to get his attention to see George had joined him and they were shooting looks between the bottle they'd scooped up off the floor and us.

"Hi George."

I beamed at him happily. Honestly he'd been so nice trying to support me when Aunt Muriel was doing her worst. George blinked a few times before he stepped closer.

"Hi Non. Erm do you know what it is you've been drinking?"

"Oh just some stupid fake goblin wine, honestly it was more like fruit juice." I waved a hand dismissively. "Fred seriously can you help her up?"

The other twin raised his eyebrows as he grinned at me before moving towards Hermione.

"Non." I startled slightly, when had George moved so close? "This isn't goblin wine, its goblin _mead_."

"Oh. _Oh!"_ Realisation hit me. "That's why Hermione seems drunk."

"Just Hermione?"

I shoved at George slightly as he grinned happily at me and I scoffed.

"Well _I'm_ not drunk. My legs feel a bit funny but otherwise I'm fine."

Honestly, how silly was he being.

"Of course you are."

"You know, you don't have to always sound so sarcastic."

"My apologies." George smirked as he doffed me an exaggerated bow and held his arm out. "Walk you to the table?"

I eyed his limb suspiciously.

"Aren't you supposed to be ill-mannered?"

"Didn't you quite easily de-bunk that old hag's slanderous claims against me?"

My lips twitched into a smile.

"Technically I only de-bunked one of them." I tried to nudge him teasingly with my elbow but wobbled alarmingly. "Alright well I don't think I need any help, although," I conceded, "maybe don't stray too far away."

George hovered by me all the way to the table as a cursing Fred followed behind with a giggling Hermione. I caught Luna up into a hug as soon as I got to her before settling down into a spare seat. A glass of actual wine materialised before me and I sipped at it happily as I joined in the conversations around the table. Everything seemed so much nicer now that Aunt Muriel wasn't there and after teasing Ron enough that he conceded to play a game of wizard's chess with Luna I was soon wrapped up in conversation with Alina and Audrey.

As night started to settle around us Mr Weasley set up twinkling lights to shine softly over everyone. I'd soon found myself talking to Bill and Charlie too and I couldn't stop giggling at the stories they were telling of the adventures they'd got up to when growing up especially not when George joined in from the seat beside me.

After a while I needed a wee so I quickly excused myself and skipped up to the porch where I bumped into Mrs Weasley.

"Oh sorry Molly."

"It's nothing dear no harm done." She patted my arm comfortingly. "Are you having a nice time now dear?"

"Yes thank you Molly I'm having a lovely time. You've got a such a nice family."

I mean she really did. The Weasleys were just so _nice_. And there were so many of them. I thought right then that Mrs Weasley must be the luckiest person I knew.

"You're so sweet to say Non. And I am sorry about earlier, with Muriel she can be a bit…"

I waived a hand dismissively as I scoffed.

"Oh that's fine. All forgotten."

Mrs Weasley was sniffling slightly.

"Well if you're sure dear, I would hate to think she'd upset you."

Like she had last week in the kitchen she moved to put a comforting arm around me and I smiled happily as I lent in to hug her. I didn't like that she was getting upset over this.

"Honestly Molly, I'm not upset at all."

I smiled at her as I pulled back and she patted me on the arm once more before she headed out to the tables. I blinked slightly as I stood there thinking over what had just happened.

"Wow. I actually _am_ drunk."

I hear a snort of laughter and whirled around guiltily to see George had walked up behind me.

"Well I did try and tell you."

"Hmph."

I decided to carry on in to the house to get away from his teasing grin but I could hear him following me although he thankfully didn't decide to follow me up the stairs to the toilet. When I came back down he was still in the kitchen and held a plate out to me.

"Biscuit?"

His face was a picture of innocence.

"Nice try. Fred offered me some earlier but I know you've both done something to them, he has a tell."

"A tell?" George's eyebrows shot up. "What is it?"

"Oh no way, I'm not saying. You'll tell him and then he'll know about it and change it and then how am I supposed to know when he's up to mischief?"

"So suspicious." George tutted at me as he moved a step closer. "Well, what's my tell?"

I frowned slightly as I considered his question and glanced up at his face. What _was_ George's tell? I wasn't sure I'd noticed one as yet and I scanned his features. He had just the one ear but that didn't seem to turn pink like Percy's ears did when he lied. His eyebrows were thick and straight, a slightly darker ginger than the hair on his head. His nose was straight, almost too long. Everywhere there were freckles, even dusted along his wide jaw that was just starting to be covered with a fine layer of stubble. Now Fred's tell had been the twitch at the corner of his mouth and I turned my gaze to George's. His lips were full and slightly parted, a pale pink and his lower lip was chapped slightly. There was no twitch though so I returned my gaze to his and blinked rapidly when I saw how close he now was. Merlin his eyes were bright. They were a warm cinnamon colour or perhaps a nutmeg. They were gleaming at me and I furrowed my brow as I tried to think exactly what colour they were.

"Non?"

I could feel his breath ghosting over my face. I blinked slowly. What was it I was supposed to be answering again?

"Um…"

"There you both are!"

Percy's voice startled George so badly he jumped away from me as though he'd been hit.

"Percy. What the hell?"

I raised an eyebrow at George's grumpy tone. That was weird. Percy didn't seem to mind though, he was grinning widely at his brother.

"What did you want Perc?"

Percy glanced at me briefly.

"Just to say that Fred is about to beat George's chair balancing record. Figured you wouldn't want to give up your title George?"

George huffed before he let out a chuckle.

"Right enough. You coming to watch Non?"

I nodded happily as we all moved back outside. George was a few steps ahead when Percy's hand on my arm stopped me.

"Can I have a word Non?"

Percy was swaying ever so slightly and I was happy to realise that Hermione and I were no longer the only drunk people here.

"Of course Percy, what is it?"

"I just, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For not helping you know when you weren't well. I should have noticed."

I blinked at him stupidly.

"Don't be daft Percy. Why would you have noticed?"

"I should have noticed when.." He trailed off as he ran his hand through his curly hair in frustration before he readjusted his glasses. "I should have known something was wrong when you turned down the invite to mine and Audrey's wedding."

I could feel my face scrunching up in confusion.

"What? I thought you'd only asked me to be polite."

Percy's forced laugh startled me somewhat.

"Non, when a friend asks you to a wedding they aren't being polite. They're asking because they want you there."

"Oh."

I felt a bit funny. I hadn't realised Percy had thought of me as a friend. He and Audrey had helped me out so much when I'd graduated from Hogwarts but I had always supposed that was because it had been part of their job at the Ministry.

"We…we were friends? I thought…I thought you'd both only helped me so much because it was your job."

I felt sheepish as I said that, even more so as Percy gaped at me in outrage.

"You, Non, I can't believe, that is the most ridiculous…" He let out a heavy sigh before levelling me with a clear gaze. "Non we were friends. I would quite like us to be friends again."

He was gazing at me expectantly and I felt a flutter of warmth that felt like happiness. I had always liked Percy and I really liked Audrey but what with me hiding away in work and only ever dealing with Percy via the political minefield that was the Ministry lately I guess I'd lost sight of that.

"Uh yeah alright then Percy, I-I'd like that."

He let out what sounded to be a sigh of relief as he enveloped me in a hug.

"Good."

I squeaked in surprise before I hugged him back. He clearly took after Mrs Weasley.

We broke apart and headed back out to the tables where I found myself sat next to George. I was distracted by Luna's whoop of delight as she finally beat Ron at their game of wizard's chess. I wish I'd had a camera on me at that point to capture Ron's expression of outrage and I snorted with laughter. A tug at my hair distracted me again and I turned to see George smirking at me.

"I want to never forget this moment. Seriously when was the last time Ron lost at chess?"

George grinned at my question before he launched into a story about how he and Fred had one summer made it their sworn duty to sabotage Ron's chess matches with Percy and he did such a good impression of Ron's growing frustrations I was soon nearly doubled over with laughter.

The rest of the night passed that way, with our numbers slowly dwindling as people left to go to bed. I was blearily trying to focus on what George was saying and I blinked slowly as I realised I hadn't heard a single word.

"What-what time is it?"

I reached out for George's arm so I could look at his watch and I pulled it closer to me.

"Ah shit, it's nearly one in the morning."

I struggled to hide a yawn as I glanced sleepily up at George. He looked as tired as I felt.

"I better go."

I let his arm drop as I sluggishly moved to my feet as George muttered something. I glanced absently around for my bag before I remembered I'd left it inside. I paused as I got to the back porch to stretch trying to work out the kinks in my muscles that had set in after being curled up in a chair for so long.

"Hey George, come help clear away the tables."

Charlie's deep voice carried quietly across the garden and I heard George curse from right behind me and I blinked in surprise. I hadn't realised he'd followed me.

"Ah c'mon Charlie."

"What George, you got somewhere to be?"

I heard George curse again as I carried on inside to leave the brothers squabbling. I quickly found my bag and I was just about to head outside to ask where Hermione had got to so we could leave when I saw something out of the corner of my eye in the Weasley living room and I took a step inside to investigate. I mean honestly it looked like a muggle telephone.

I sat heavily down onto the sofa next to it and carefully lifted up the receiver and placed it to my ear and I jolted in surprise. It had a dial done! Had Mr Weasley truly managed to connect a muggle phone correctly to his house? I was amazed and when I put the receiver down and glanced at the rest of the phone I giggled to myself to see he'd even written down that they had a telephone number.

The sofa was ridiculously comfortable and I realised too late that I shouldn't have leaned back against the cushions. I half-heartedly tried to propel myself forward to stand up but the more I moved the deeper into the cushions I seemed to sink. It was just like earlier in the day, every time I blinked my eyes they were harder to open and before I knew it, I was asleep.

 **A/N: Hello new followers *waves* welcome along for the ride.**

 **Hope you all liked this chapter. I really enjoyed writing a drunk Non.**

 **Let me know what you think, I'd love to know if I'm on the right track writing and storytelling wise.**

 **Diolch/Thanks**

 **Yav**

 **P.S. If you want to learn a bit of muggle history about the English establishment trying to eradicate the Welsh language then feel free to look up information on the Welsh Not. Tis a real thing.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 9

There was something tickling my face. Now that I had noticed it I couldn't ignore it and fall back asleep. I wasn't fully awake yet, I was in that pleasant state where if I just relaxed enough I would slip back into a deep sleep it if wasn't for the tickling. A few more seconds past before I huffed out an irritated sigh and sat up to rub my face and blearily open my eyes.

I froze.

 _Where the hell am I?_

It took a few seconds for my mind to catch up with my vision. I was in the Weasley living room. I'd passed out drunk in the Weasley living room. I'd gotten drunk at a Weasley family gathering.I was, I noticed as my head began pounding furiously, now _hungover_ at the Weasleys.

 _Oh shit_.

I groaned as I rubbed my face with my hands in misery as everything from last night came crashing back into focus. Or well partial focus anyway. Some bits I think were a bit blurry and I cringed. What on earth had I said? I'd talked a _lot_ after Aunt Muriel had left and that wasn't like me at all. Oh Merlin, just how many times had I embarrassed myself?

My fingers caught on something and I jerked my hand back in alarm before hesitantly pulling at whatever had been tickling me. It was the daisy chain crown Teddy had made which still weirdly didn't look wilted. Someone must have charmed it I figured. I wrapped it around my wrist in a couple of loops while my mind raced over the night before.

Had I done anything catastrophically mortifying? I didn't think so but I wasn't sure. I must have chatted so much rubbish last night it was what I normally did when I got drunk. That and repeat myself. I let my head drop into my hands but groaned as the room started to spin. Shit. I hadn't planned to stay here so hadn't even had any water before sleeping. Not good, so not good.

I slowly stood up and decided to quickly use the bathroom before leaving. The house seemed very quiet so I figured it must still be very early. I thankfully didn't meet anyone on my way up and down the stairs and was soon on my way to tip toe down the hall.

"Did I wake you?"

It was a deep voice. I spun in surprise to see Charlie's head poking around the doorway to the kitchen.

"Um no I" I paused to try and clear my throat. Merlin my voice was hoarse. I must have talked even more than I realised. I just shook my head at Charlie helplessly and he smirked.

"Well sorry if I did. Time difference you know, Romania's a few hours ahead. You want a cuppa?"

"Oh no I'm okay I-" I winced as my voice cracked so I just settled for shaking my head again as I gestured to the front door, hoping Charlie would get the hint that I was trying to leave.

"Nah c'mon, cup of tea and a bit of toast before you go. Mum'd kill me if she knew I let you leave without making you something."

I stood hesitantly. I wanted to leave. I badly wanted to leave so I could just pass out in my own bed although I knew most likely I would just wallow miserably running over everything from yesterday. Charlie was looking expectant though and I didn't want to seem rude so I nodded my head slowly so that I didn't jostle it too much and I made my way into the kitchen.

I sat gingerly into one of the chairs, my bag clutched in my lap as Charlie bustled quietly around the kitchen. I supposed I was lucky that Mrs Weasley wasn't up yet. Oh god, I'd _hugged_ Mrs Weasley last night. Like properly hugged her. Had I set a precedent now? What if she always wanted a hug? I wasn't a hugger these days.

More and more from last night kept coming back to me and I could feel myself flush in mortification. My word I had been so, so drunk and I hadn't even realised it. What on earth must they all think of me?

"Hangover guilt?"

"Huh?" I blinked stupidly up at Charlie as he placed a steaming mug of tea in front of me.

"You've blushed about ten different times and keep grimacing. It happens to Alina sometimes, she always beats herself up about what she may or may not have done the night before if she can't remember all that clearly. Course she's never done anything bad but you try telling her that. I call it; hangover guilt."

I blinked as my brain sluggishly processed that. The day after Ginny's birthday I'd been hungover but there was no guilt; I'd been with the girls and knew I hadn't done anything stupid. Last night though…could be Charlie was on to something here.

"I've never heard it called that before. But yeah that sounds about right."

I grimaced slightly at the sound of my voice again. I sounded like those muggles do who smoke too many of those cigarettes.

"Well don't beat yourself up, you were fine. You getting a cold though? Your voice doesn't sound too good."

Charlie's face crinkled a bit in concern as he gazed at me.

"Oh no I'm alright thanks. Think I just spoke too much last night." I shrugged a bit as I tried to clear my throat again. "Thanks for the tea."

"Alright."

His brow was furrowed though as he busied himself making some toast but I couldn't really find it in me to care. My head felt wobbly, like it wasn't really my own and my hands shook slightly as I picked up the mug of tea. I sat there miserably as my eyes gazed vacantly at the kitchen doorway. I was thinking back on my interaction with Aunt Muriel and I really wasn't sure if I'd handled that properly. What must they all think of me? She's been extraordinarily rude. Much worse than I'd thought she'd have been and I could feel the heavy press of frustrated anger again as I remembered her comments about the Welsh language. I needed to go home.

I glanced across to Charlie to make my excuses and I started in my seat slightly to see there was someone else stood next to him. When the hell had anyone else entered the kitchen? I took a slurp of tea as my eyes tried to focus properly to take in who it was. They were wearing plain pyjama trousers and that was it. I tried to force my eyes upwards to look at their face but they got stuck on the torso. Toned but not overly so, a dusting of red chest hair, very broad shoulders, loads of freckles.

 _Stop staring Non for the love of Merlin. Look up._

My eyes finally obeyed me. It was a Weasley twin. Oh god please let it not be Fred. A quick glance showed just the one ear.

 _Oh thank fuck, it's only George._

I froze. Only George?

 _Oh shit. It's George._

I could actually feel the heat from my blush. I was too hungover to get my eyes to function properly but I could still blush? So not fair.

I hastily bit into a slice of toast that Charlie had plonked down in front of me and gazed at my mug of tea as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Maybe if I pretended to be too hungover to talk George would just go away. What was he doing up so early anyway? Still at least I hadn't been caught staring at his twin. Or worse it could have been Ron or _Percy_ , I'd never have been able to look at them in work again.

Percy. Shit I spoke to Percy last night. We'd hugged. Why had we hugged? And then I remembered. I paused mid chew as I felt a churning, disquieting feeling settle on me. He'd been upset I hadn't accepted his invite to his wedding. He'd been upset I hadn't known we were friends. I mechanically started eating again as I tried to swallow the mouthful of bread. I felt a sweeping feeling of sick dread settle over me, it was like there was heavy knot of…something on my chest and I rubbed at it absentmindedly but it didn't shift. It was only when I tried to swallow some tea and noticed how tight my throat was that I realised what was happening. I was going to cry. I had to leave _now._

I jerked hastily to my feet.

"You alright?"

George was looking at my through half open eyes as I nodded my head.

"Yeah just, I'm not feeling great I need to go. So bye."

I avoided both their gazes feeling absurdly guilty for lying as I turned to exit the kitchen before I remembered at least some of my manners.

"Thanks for the breakfast Charlie. It was really nice to meet you and Alina."

"You too Non. Hey, I'll let Gruff know I've seen you."

I'd half turned to exit the room and I stumbled into the doorframe at his words.

Gruff. _Gruffudd_. Merlin how had I forgotten about that too? He was alive. He hadn't killed himself. I could feel my chin start to tremble. Shit I really needed to go. Like right now. I kept my back to the both of them as I just nodded my head and walked away.

I couldn't say anything. If I opened my mouth I knew I'd burst into tears. There was so much pressure on my chest I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Hey wait a sec Non."

It was George whispering after me but I ignored him and quickly exited the house to speed walk down the Weasley drive. I fumbled with my wand to remove it from the holster at my hip so I could have it ready to apparate.

"Non, wait."

It was lucky that George called out again before his hand grabbed my arm as even with the forewarning I still startled badly and brandished my wand at him as he spun me around. I dropped my wand hand to my side immediately.

"You alright?"

I couldn't look at George but I couldn't lie again either. He was looking at me he must be able to see that I wasn't. I shook my head silently and I folded my arms around myself. I needed to be alone. I needed to cry this out but I sure as hell couldn't do that here.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head furiously at that and I bit fiercely down on my lip. Too much was wrong. Aunt Muriel asking me about how my parents died was wrong. Me finding out that my childhood friend who disappeared six years ago was actually alive and had never bothered to tell me was wrong. Me not understanding that Percy and I had been friends and that I'd hurt him by not going to his wedding was wrong. Everything was wrong and that was before I even started thinking about this mess of a situation with George.

"You uh, you want to go?"

I nodded quickly. Too quickly really as I felt my head swim. This was mortifying, absolutely mortifying.

"Okay sorry I shouldn't have…I just."

I felt a guilty twinge as George sighed.

"Bye Non."

Merlin he sounded miserable. I risked a glance up but immediately wished I hadn't. He had such a hangdog expression on his face, I felt like I'd kicked a puppy. I needed to say something didn't I? Let him know it wasn't really anything about him why I was freaking out. I opened my mouth but as my chin wobbled again I immediately clamped it shut and stumbled back . I'd thought for a second he had been reaching out for me but he'd only been moving to cross his arms. I somehow managed a jerky half wave with my hand before I spun away from him and carried on walking until I was out of sight.

 _He's going to think I'm crazy._

I mean he had to right. Nothing of how I was acting this morning was normal. Even I could recognise that. I tried to calm myself before I apparated home, I really didn't fancy splinching myself, and I couldn't help the heavy sigh of relief that escaped me when my garden path and front door appeared in front of me. I walked blindly up into my house, my eyes starting to swim with tears. I headed straight to the bathroom, swished my wand to activate the shower before undressing and stepping in to stand under the heavy stream of warm water. And I cried.

Whatever this pressing weight on my chest was I wanted it gone and it seemed like crying was the only way to do it. I was crying heaving sobs as I struggled to breathe. This feeling had started when Charlie and Alina had mentioned that Gruffudd was alive. _Alive_. Why hadn't he ever let me know?

I felt like I was fifteen all over again when the worry at Gruff disappearing had settled in to intense fear that he might be dead, that he might have done the worst thing and killed himself. I'd cried nearly every day that summer after he'd disappeared. And I cried little girl cries now, the type of keening that you only heard when someone had died. Because to me, that summer, he had. Until I was fifteen I couldn't recall a summer or Christmas without him. He had just always been there. Ten years my senior, he was one of the few 'young people' in the area with magic who could therefore help my parents out with babysitting. And he'd become part of the family.

Or at least I thought he had. Clearly he hadn't felt the same way. And I cried even harder at that because Merlin that _hurt_. I wrapped my left arm tightly around my midriff as I bowed my head into my right hand, my chest heaving with huge, shuddering sobs. I'd been so alone after my parents had been killed. My best friends had – had died, even Justin had-had died. I could almost feel my mind jerk away from those thoughts, like I had trained myself too well not to think on them and I grabbed a bar of soap and started to wash myself.

So I had been alone. After graduating I'd tried to fix up the cottage but I didn't know half of the spell work needed for repair and maintenance, let alone how I applied to register my details and place of residence so I'd done the only thing I could think of and gone to the Ministry to see what I was supposed to do.

And that's where Percy and Audrey had come in. I froze in the shower, soap still in hand as my face crumpled once more. They had been so, _so_ nice to me. Audrey worked in the planning department and Percy was just starting back out on his fresh career in the Ministry and so knew how to help with the registration protocols and just what it was I had to do as a new graduate trying to make my way into a still very messed up magical world.

I was crying silently now. Misery settling in to every part of me as I mechanically washed my hair. Looking back I could see that they had spent far more time with me than simply doing their jobs.

Fuck, had we been friends? How could I have not seen that? What…what's _wrong_ with me?

I rinsed out my hair and then shut off the shower as I pondered that question. What if…what if what had happened to me during the war really had damaged me? I knew of course that it had triggered my PTSD but I hadn't thought it had stopped me from noticing something so basic as friendship. I mean, I had managed to make friends with Ginny, Luna, Hermione and everyone else so what had gone wrong? Or did they only become friends with me just because we spent so much time together in our final year at Hogwarts?

I frowned as I wrapped myself in a towel and moved to my bedroom where I sat heavily on my bed, head in my hands.

What if I really was damaged? What if part of me was broken?

I felt uneasy at that thought but it didn't feel wrong either. Something wasn't right. Even with my counselling sessions nothing like this had come up and I bit my lip in concern. If I couldn't even recognise friendship how was I supposed to ever be able to have a relationship? Or, I shuddered, make a forced marriage work?

 _Oh Merlin, George._

I blinked away a fresh set of tears. How on earth was I going to explain my actions from this morning to him? I didn't see how I could really. I sighed heavily trying to shift the heavy weight from my chest. It didn't feel as constrictive as before I had cried but there was definitely something still there. Was it sadness?

I rubbed a hand over my eyes and sighed again. Maybe it was but I didn't trust myself in that moment to really be able to recognise emotions. What I needed to do, I thought then, was to go back to basics. I had to re-focus on what the counselling sessions had taught me. Eat healthily, get plenty of exercise, write it all down. I nodded softly to myself. No doubt the hangover was making everything worse and I hadn't exactly eaten well that week. Both could go a long way to explaining why I was feeling so out of sorts.

I felt a bit better then that I had some sort of plan so I quickly dried myself off, occasionally sniffling as I changed into my comfy joggers and a Holyhead Harpies hoody and headed downstairs to make a proper breakfast. There I set about planning to put my life back on track.

The next couple of hours passed quickly enough and I sat back to look happily down on the plan I had drawn up for myself. I had everything planned out. My meals, my exercise regime, my work rota, time for my garden, and time for my friends. Everything had its allotted time and place and I felt the lovely feeling of control settle over me. It was the first time really in the last two weeks that I'd felt any semblance of it and I could feel an actual smile tug at my lips. I liked being in control, hated being out of control and I rolled my eyes to myself that I had gotten so drunk the day before. I hadn't planned for that and it had clearly thrown me. I made a mental note then not to get so drunk again it just wasn't worth the bad feelings I got the next day.

My smile slipped from my face as I tracked my work rota again. Now that I had it all written out like this it didn't quite seem right. There were far more double shifts than should be normal and, I quickly flipped through to look towards the end of September, there were no allocated days given for the new recruits or those that would have graduated their training over this last year. That was weird. I knew we were a bit short staffed but it was only seeing it all written down like this that I could see how bad it was. I would have to ask Harry and Ron about their shift rota. If it was as full on as mine then something would need to be done. Even I who had been doing plenty of overtime over the last year couldn't keep working at this pace.

I heard the front door open then and I couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped me as Hermione trudged into the kitchen.

"Don't laugh at me Non. I can't take it."

I hide a grin behind my hand as I quickly got to my feet to make her a cup of tea as she slumped into a kitchen chair.

"I feel like I'm dying."

I quickly scrapped my idea of tea and moved into the pantry to look through some of the store of potions I had in there and I quickly found the one I was looking for. It was tricky to brew so I only used it in emergencies but this was clearly one.

I plonked the bottle in front of Hermione, noting that in amongst her wild curls were what looked like miniature butterflies.

"Here you go Mione, hangover cure."

She struggled to lift herself up but managed to send a thankful smile that way before she steeled herself and downed the potion in one. I grimaced in sympathy, I knew from experience it didn't taste nice, but after a few moments I could see it had started to work.

"Urgh, thanks Non. I can't believe I got that drunk."

"Me either. Guess that goblin stuff really got us huh?"

"Definitely."

"Say, you do know you've got butterflies in your hair right?"

A scowl immediately appeared on her face.

"Bloody Fred. He couldn't even remember this morning what charm he was using to put them there. I'm going to have to go through my books later to see if I can find a counter charm. Nothing we tried this morning worked."

She leant back and crossed her arms, her nostrils flaring slightly. I had to bite back a chuckle as she reminded me strongly of Professor McGonagall in that moment.

"Maybe he'll remember during the day?" I suggested hopefully and she shrugged. "Why'd he do it anyway?"

"Why does Fred Weasley do anything? To annoy me I suspect."

"Not to make you laugh?"

Hermione actually scoffed at that.

"There are plenty of ways to make me laugh Non. Charming objects into my hair with no means of removing them is not one of them. I mean, I'm supposed to be going to work tomorrow, I can't turn up like this."

I hummed in quiet agreement seeing that Hermione was starting to build up a head of steam. I'd always found it best not to engage her when she was like that.

"Well I'm about to do some gardening, did you want me to get you something to eat before I start or are you good?"

"I'm alright thanks Non. Thanks for the potion. I think I'll actually start looking through my books now…"

She trailed off as she absentmindedly walked out of the kitchen and I shrugged quietly to myself before heading outside. It was sunny but there was enough cloud cover that it wasn't so bright as to give me a headache. My shower earlier had cleared the thumping from my head and my second breakfast had seemed to kick my hangover into touch thankfully.

I spent the rest of my day pottering about in the garden and greenhouse before going through my auror supply kit to see what I needed to stock up on or what potions I was in short supply of. I then set out making another plan of what to buy and when, and when I would allocate time for my brewing. Each list and plan made me feel more in control and I sighed softly, pleased to note that this time it was a happy one.

I was just heading up for an early night as I started my first shift at four in the morning when I bumped into Hermione on the landing.

"Non do you – do you know any spells that might get rid of them?"

She still had the tiny butterflies in her hair which had only gotten more frazzled as the day went on. I mumbled a couple of counter charms I knew, all along the lines of finite incantatum but none of them had any effect and I frowned. Really those counter charms were universal and should have worked.

"What charm exactly did he use again?"

"He couldn't remember. If it's one of his and George's own that they haven't perfected yet I will murder him."

I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Bit extreme that hey?"

"If it was the first time he'd done something like this maybe but he does it _all_ the time. I can't – I can't go in to work like this."

Hermione, to my alarm, was starting to look tearful.

"Oh hey c'mon Mione it doesn't look that bad at all, honest."

"That's not the point Non," she rubbed angrily at her eyes. "I have to fight so hard for people in work to take me seriously, to take what I'm trying to do seriously, I can't just turn up with bloody butterflies in my hair. I'd be laughed out of my office."

"Hermione c'mon everyone takes you seriously, you're completely brilliant. Only fools think otherwise."

"Oh please you _know_ what the Ministry is like." She sniffed a bit and I bit down on my lip, because I did know what she meant, it was a political minefield. "It's bad enough loads in my department think I only got the job because I'm one of the _Golden Trio_ , do you know how demoralising it is when people don't take you seriously?"

I let out a snort of laughter at that, although really I wasn't amused at all.

"I know exactly how demoralising it is. No one ever believes me when I say I'm an auror, or worse if they know I'm in the department they assume I work on reception."

I bit on my lip again as I studied Hermione's dejected face.

"Say why don't you just take the day off tomorrow? You did so much over time before your law was passed you must have time off to take right? And I'll call in to see Fred when my shift has finished tomorrow to see if he's figured out how to reverse his charm."

Hermione immediately looked relieved.

"Oh Non would you really? I shouldn't really take the time off but given how the Ministry have been treating us…" she trailed off with a shrug but I knew how she felt. We both usually went above and beyond what we needed to for work but if our employer was going to impinge on our private lives the way they had then neither of us were feeling very generous towards them.

Xxxxx

I cursed my alarm as it sounded at three thirty that morning and I shut it off quickly so it didn't wake Hermione. I fumbled to put on my clothes, biting back a yelp of pain as I stubbed my toe on my bedframe before I stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen. I sleepily ate a bowl of cereal as I used my wand to fill up a flask with tea. As I made my way out of the house I delved into the coats hanging up in the hall for one of my heavier jackets before finding my brown leather one which was lined inside with fur. Whilst it no doubt would be a warm day at this time of the morning and near the coast I knew it would be chilly.

I apparated first to the atrium at the Ministry of Magic and hurried down to the auror department to check there had been no changes to the schedule over the weekend and that nothing had been seen at the dockside that would help our case in solving the murder of Mr Task. There was nothing though, just two sleepy eyed colleagues with their heads bowed over their work so I hurriedly made my way to the apparition point to get to the location we'd set up to monitor the abandoned warehouse.

The building we had chosen looked just as dilapidated as the warehouse and it had the benefit of the dirty, cracked windows pointing directly at the building we wanted to keep watch on. A few clever charms meant that whilst the windows still appeared covered with grime so thick you couldn't see through it, from the inside we could see out clearly. Two chairs, replete with cushioning charms (not performed by me) were in front of the window and I eased the door open and closed silently as I eased my way into the room and took my seat. I glanced at the auror next to me and grimaced inwardly at who I was to share my shift with. It was Auror Gilden. We didn't really work much together and he wasn't one known for conversation although I had to concede, neither was I. This was going to be a painful shift.

"Hello."

I figured I would break the silence since he hadn't greeted me but I did not expect him to near jump from his chair and brandish his wand, a red spark only just missing my face.

"Llewellyn don't _do_ that."

I blinked in shock.

"Um, do what?"

"Sneak up on me like that, I - I could have hurt you."

I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Right. Sorry. I'll wear bells next time."

He scowled at that before he settled back down in his seat.

"Don't be stupid. You could have just made a bit of noise when you came in. You don't need to show off all the time."

What the hell?

"I wasn't showing off I was just…walking normally."

I got no response.

"I'm sorry for scaring you."

Nope, still nothing. I rolled me eyes as I sat down heavily into my own seat. I guess Gilden wasn't really a morning person.

I trained my eyes on the warehouse and after an hour had crawled by with not even a hint of movement I had to stop myself getting annoyed. I knew surveillance work was boring but this was simply painful and worse, it gave me far too much time to think.

I opened my flask and poured myself a mug of tea. I had planned on sharing with Gilden but he'd soured my mood so I childishly decided against it. Taking a sip I settled back in the chair, my eyes still trained on the warehouse although I did make sure to do regular sweeps of the surrounding area. There was no fear of anyone approaching from the rear as it was at the dock edge with a sheer twenty foot drop, and the left hand side was backed up against a cliff. We had the vantage point over the only two accessible sides.

And while I watched I thought and it was predominately about Percy and George. Although the plans I'd written out had made me feel a bit better, a bit more in control of myself, I was still very unsettled that I had misunderstood everything with Percy so thoroughly. I went back over all of our interactions and in the cold light of day I could see now how before I had my first panic attack we had been friends. It was easy now with hindsight to see how my panic attack and subsequent anxiety had skewed my thinking and I felt slightly pleased that I could now recognise this but it couldn't shift the deep guilt I could feel in the pit of my stomach that I hadn't recognised it at the time. If I wasn't able to recognise my feelings was I really capable, and I mean _emotionally_ capable of being in a relationship? Because you see I didn't think that I was. I'd not had a boyfriend since Hogwarts and had only managed a handful of dates over the last couple of years. And that then led me to thinking about George.

I didn't know George Weasley. At all. I knew _of_ him, of course but I didn't _know_ him. I had to stop myself from frowning at the familiar, horrible surge of anxiety at just the thought of him. And that was another thing, just the thought of him made me anxious. In our last few meetings things had been unbearably awkward either until we'd stumbled into some semblance of a conversation or I'd gotten drunk. How was I supposed to have a relationship with a person when the very thought of them made me so anxious I felt like I was going to throw up? That didn't seem to be to be a good basis of any sort of relationship.

But why did he make me feel so anxious? I chewed on my lip as I mulled it over. I'd briefly thought on it before but now with hours of silence with nothing but a warehouse to stare at I could think through things more clearly. He was confident, happy, brave, smart, kind, successful. He had fought in the war, he had prepared himself and done everything he could in the fight against You Know Who. Even as I ticked through his plus points I could feel my anxiety building and I tried to steady my breathing. I mean how could I even compare with him? I have very little confidence, I was unhappy, I wasn't particularly clever and I certainly wasn't brave. When I compared what we had done in the war…he was a war hero and I'd been a captive of death eaters. I squirmed slightly in my seat and swallowed heavily at the surge of queasiness I felt at that thought. I didn't like to think on it, but it was true.

I had been…a victim. I hadn't prepared myself for the war at all, even when I knew it had been coming. I'd been such a fool. Such an idiotic school girl. How could I even hope to measure up to George?

I felt a swirl of bitterness settle in my gut. Really I was getting ahead of myself. Why would George even want to be in a relationship with someone like me anyway? How could he possibly want that? I knew I wasn't good enough for him, though I suspected he'd be too kind to let on. Really, I supposed, the best I could hope for is that we could become friends and muddle through things that way.

Because no matter which way I turned my mind kept coming up against the brick wall that was the Marriage Law and there was no escaping it. The lack of control over such a key aspect of my life was something I didn't know if I could come to terms with and I really had to let George know that. Really, I should have sat down with him some days ago to go over everything, to find out what he felt about the Marriage Law truly. I suspected I'd never be brave enough to ask what he thought about being paired with me.

It was time for me to grow up and stop hiding from a topic I didn't like I decided. I hadn't been fair to George by trying to avoid the proverbial Hippogriff in the room so I knew I needed to set it right. Given that we were so different, that I was so lacking, we would never work as a couple but if we could have some sort of friendship then I think I could settle for that. I just hoped I was able to move past my anxiety to be able to offer him even that.

I felt a weight shift from my shoulders then and I was pleased. The rest of my shift passed without incident and I was glad when Aurors Hopkiss and Aldred arrived to relieve Gilden and I. I stepped out into the hazy light and ducked behind the building quickly before I apparated back to the Ministry. I had to write up a quick report and check for any urgent memos – luckily there weren't any – before I headed out to go to Diagon Alley to see if Fred had the counter charm Hermione so badly needed.

Diagon Alley was bustling with people and I focused on taking even steps, my eyes always automatically looking for something suspicious as I tried to keep my breathing even. I still didn't like crowds. I paused outside the offensively bright shop front of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and took a few moments to compose myself. Despite telling myself I needed to talk to George now that I was hear I wasn't sure I was ready to. I chewed on my lip as I thought. Really we needed a time when neither of us was working and I thought furiously at my work schedule. My only free time really was late Wednesday afternoon or evening. What if I asked him to meet up then? That would give us time to have a proper talk and I would be seen as returning his invite for lunch which I hoped would go some way to smoothing things over given how I'd fled the Weasleys on Sunday morning.

I flushed slightly at remembering that before pushing the embarrassing memory aside. I was not going to let that bother me. Not today. Today was a fresh start where I, Non Llewellyn, was in control.

 _Gee well done Non, you almost convinced yourself there._

Squaring my shoulders I pushed the door open and was pleased that whilst busy inside it wasn't unbearably so. I weaved my way through the shelves looking for either one of the twins but finding no sight of them I headed to the counter where a pretty witch in bright pink robes was working.

"Oh hello, I'm here to see Fred Weasley, is he available?"

"I'll just go get him for you miss, hold on."

I nodded my thanks and stood awkwardly off at one side of the counter and waited. I could hear Fred before I saw him and I smirked slightly. That seemed so typically him.

"…so if you could just check the inventory for the snarflack powder Verity that'd be great. We can finalise the prototype then."

"Right you are Mr Weasley."

I raised an eyebrow slightly. I don't think I'd ever heard anyone other than Arthur Weasley being called that before.

Fred wondered over to me with a confused smile on his face and I had to fight against chewing my lip nervously. I hadn't forgotten that we'd argued last week and while he seemed alright with me on Saturday I wasn't sure I was entirely forgiven.

"Alright Non, you've not gotten confused and asked for the wrong twin have you?"

He grinned at me then and I huffed out a laugh.

"I'm here on behalf of Hermione."

I gave him a pointed look. He had the decency to look slightly shamefaced but his grin soon reappeared.

"So she hasn't figured out the counter charm yet? _Brilliant_. _"_

He sounded genuinely thrilled.

"Yeah okay not brilliant. She's had to take the day off work. You don't happen to have remembered the counter charm have you?"

"Are you telling me that the cleverest witch of our generation needs my help?"

"Well you did charm the things into her hair Fred, so yes."

He smirked happily.

"Alright, follow me."

He led me behind the till then and through the door into what I supposed was the stock room. I hovered just inside the door way as I took in the numerous shelves with the brightly coloured packaged goods stacked neatly and orderly. Everything appeared to be labelled clearly. I blinked in surprise before scolding myself silently. I shouldn't be surprised they were organised, they ran a successful business after all.

Fred had headed towards a door on the opposite wall and I tentatively walked in that direction but stopped as he banged a fist on the door.

"Oi George, you're future wife's here."

I wrinkled my nose unhappily at his words. Firstly I didn't want to see George yet and secondly I did _not_ want to think about being his wife. A bark of laughter brought my back into focus and I flushed in embarrassment that Fred had seen me. Nice one Non, let the twin brother know how you feel about marrying his twin. Really, great move.

I ducked my head down nervously before I shot him a nervous smile. There was a gleam of…something in Fred's eye even though he was smiling and I felt the stirring of unease. He was so unpredictable, what little I knew of him, and I really, really did not like unpredictable things. He opened his mouth to say something when the door on the far wall burst open and George tumbled through.

"Did she say anything? How did she seem? Where is she?" He was frantically trying to straighten up his work robes and he froze when he caught sight of me. Ordinarily I would have found that funny but I felt like I'd been punched in the gut with anxiety. "And she's right here. Thanks for letting me know Fred."

George clapped his hand on his twin's shoulder and Fred grinned.

"I rather think I did George."

"You could have been more specific Fred."

Fred smirked before he ambled his way over to me.

"Well here's the counter charm instructions. Top secret so don't go sharing it with anyone but Granger. Tell her she owes me one."

He looked positively wicked and I felt a pang of pity for Hermione whilst feeling ridiculously pleased I hadn't been paired with _this_ twin.

"Alright will do. Thank you Fred."

I took the paper from him and carefully folded it before placing it in my bad.

"Tell her it was my pleasure. Right, I'm heading back to the shop."

He called the last bit over his shoulder as he left me in the store room with George. I shifted nervously before glancing across at George. He'd straightened up his robes now and was stood leaning against one of the shelves, arms crossed. He straightened up slightly as my gaze met his.

"You came here to see Fred?"

"Oh, um, yeah Hermione needed a counter charm for those butterflies he put in her hair."

A ghost of a smile passed across his face.

"You didn't want to see me?"

His voice was painfully neutral but he was staring intently at me and I had to fight very hard not to fidget.

"Well actually…yes."

"You don't sound sure."

"That's because I'm not." I chewed on my lip before I took a steadying breath and ploughed on. "I do think we need to talk though. Like properly."

He just kept staring.

"Um, d-did you want to have a NAGAAAS meeting? Say on Wednesday?"

I glanced up at him hopefully, risking a half smile. I felt a huge surge of relief when I got a smile back.

George pushed himself upright off the shelf and took two long strides forward so he was stood in front of me as he uncrossed his arms and tucked his hands into his robe pockets.

"Hmm. I suppose we could."

He rocked back on his heels slightly as he looked down at me.

"Wh-what time do you finish work? We could meet after?"

 _For the love of Merlin Non, please stop stuttering._

"We close the shop at five thirty. We could meet at six. Where do you want to go, the Leaky?"

The Leaky Cauldron was somewhere familiar and on a Wednesday evening wouldn't be over crowded. It was perfect for me.

"Yeah the Leaky would be good."

"Alright then. You want me to sort it?"

He nudged my foot as he said it making me look up at him.

"No it's okay, I'll go book a table now."

He was looking at me with a funny smile on his face before he nodded slightly. I could feel my face starting to blush. Merlin why were our conversations always so awkward? I coughed nervously.

"Right well, I'm – I'm just going to go then."

George shifted from foot to foot and ducked his head. He almost seemed nervous himself but he couldn't possibly have been. He was George Weasley for Helga's sake.

"Thanks for asking me Non."

He glanced up as he spoke and had that weird smile on his face again and I felt my stomach try to fight its way out of my body and I inhaled sharply. Why did I always react like this to him? I just nodded at him as I took a step backwards, trying to ignore the painful beating of my heart. I really, really hated anxiety.

"You alright?"

 _No, I think I'm having a cardiac arrest._

"Yeah course George. I'm fine. See you Wednesday."

 _Liar._

"Bye Non."

I managed a small smile in return before I turned and headed back out into the main shop. I pointedly ignored the smirk Fred was sending my way as I weaved past him and out of the shop. That had just been…weird. Not that any of mine and George's encounters had been truly normal so far but something had felt a bit off. We definitely needed to have a proper talk so whilst I could feel my nerves ricocheting out of control inside me I at least felt pleased that I had a plan of action. I hurried to the Leaky Cauldron to book a table before apparating back home.

Hermione practically pounced on me as I walked through the front door and her initial exclamation of happiness at me having obtained the counter charm was replaced by a scowl as I repeated Fred's message for her.

She huffed angrily as she opened the piece of parchment and I swear I could see sparks fly from her eyes as she took in the counter charm and she scoffed.

"Oh please it can't possibly be that simple."

Nevertheless she sat herself at the kitchen table, picked up her wand and muttered the counter charm. To our amazement the tiny butterflies detached themselves from her hair only to fly and cluster together to make she shape of a small flower. I felt one side of my mouth tug up into a smile.

"That's really sweet Hermione."

"Sweet! It's not sweet that absolute _arse_ made the tiniest tweak to the counter charm – I mean it's _stupid_ really. I can't – I can't believe I didn't figure it out."

She huffed out an angry breath and glared at the flower and I had to stifle a laugh.

"He'll never let me forget it."

She sounded mournful now and I laughed out right.

"Seeing as its Fred, probably not." I agreed, before I smiled again. "Still, he made you a flower, a really cleverly made one too. It's nice Hermione."

She shot a half-hearted scowl at me.

"I suppose…"

I left her grumbling to herself as I checked on my itinerary. I had just enough time to go for my run before I started on my batch cooking for the week. Thankfully neither of the Weasley twins had delayed me too much. I quickly added in meeting George for food on Wednesday then folded it up again with a happy sigh.

I was still uneasy, I was still very not happy with the Marriage Law, but I had a plan. I was on steadier ground. Now that I was starting to get back in control maybe, _maybe_ I could finally focus on getting better.

 **A/N: Hello lovely readers.**

 **Right I wasn't completely happy with this chapter and I had originally wanted to put in the NAGAAAS meeting but Non's overthinking of well, everything, kind of took up more room than I thought. So this was more filler chapter than I had intended. Let me know what you thought.**

 **And welcome to my new followers. It makes me so happy people want to follow this story and read it**

 **FlowerChild23 – thanks so much for the review. I'm hoping that you think its funny stuff is a good thing! (is it?)**

 **Diolch/Thanks**

 **Yav**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 10

My Tuesday passed in a blur of a double shift. First a frantic day of normal auror duty, comprising of three arrests one of which was this batty old witch armed with a cane. She hadn't even broken the law either when we had called upon her, we'd only been tasked with giving her a warning for un-neighbourly conduct but after she'd thwacked Harry across the head with her cane we'd had to arrest her for assault. And that annoyingly took a lot of paperwork to process. I was becoming more and more of a mind, after my run in with Aunt Muriel, that old witches were nasty by default and wondered absently why that was. No wonder wizard's tended to pop their clogs sooner, it was probably their last means of escape.

My second shift was another stint monitoring the warehouse, again with Gilden, which passed as uneventfully as the first. I finally got back home at mid-morning on the Wednesday and passed out on my bed before I could even take off my work clothes.

"Non…hey Non, wake up."

I scrunched my eyes in an effort to keep them closed as someone started shaking my shoulder insistently. A rather more forceful shake finally had me snapping me eyes open and I blinked up blearily to see Hermione leaning over me.

"Hi Non, I've just got in from work. Aren't you supposed to be meeting George at six? It's half five now."

My sleep addled brain took long seconds to process her words before I finally bolted up to sitting, only just missing clashing heads with her.

"Oh shit."

I scrambled to get to my feet, legs getting tangled in my bedding as my eyes darting around the room. Shit, what did I need to do first?

"Over slept huh?"

"I forgot to set my alarm."

My mutter was slightly frenzied and I ignored Hermione's amused grin as I took a moment to take a breath and try and get my brain working.

 _A shower Non, you need to shower._

Right yes, that was a start. I'd been too tired after my last shift to have one at work which I regretted now but there wasn't a lot I could do. I rushed to the bathroom to have the quickest shower of my life. Afterwards I quickly secured my hair in a small towel before wrapping a larger one around my body and I set to brushing my teeth. I caught my reflection and groaned. My eyes were still completely puffy from sleep with clear dark circles under them. Shit at twenty one I really shouldn't be looking this tired. I looked ancient.

I shook my head, reminding myself I knew a concealing charm that would work, before I finished with my teeth and rushed back to my bedroom to get dressed. I suppose the good thing about being so short of time was that I didn't have time to waste on worrying what to wear. I quickly slipped on some dark blue jeans, smarter than the ones I normally wore to work and matched it with a light blue t-shirt. Ginny had mentioned once that the colour was good for me, something about my eyes, so I figured it couldn't hurt to wear it. A quick swish of my wand my hair was dry and I hurried to add my minimal make up before I pegged it downstairs.

"Blimey Non that was record time, you've got ten minutes spare."

"You know me Mione, low maintenance."

I chucked her a cheeky grin and she rolled her eyes in reply. I bounced nervously on the spot for a moment before deciding to ask a question I'd forgotten to ask her on Monday evening and of course hadn't seen her all of Tuesday to ask.

"Hey Mione, do you think that my idea is good? For George and I to just try and be friends?"

She'd been a bit quiet after I'd told her my plan initially but I figured she had still been preoccupied with her annoyance with Fred.

"I really do Non. I think it's the best way forward really. Being honest and building up your relationship like that. In a way you're lucky. You've got no history with George to complicate things."

I squirmed a bit uncomfortably at the building your relationship part, as I had no inclination of George and I ever being anything but friends, but I quickly noted Hermione's slight grimace with her last words.

"You'll sort it out Hermione. You and Fred I mean. I know it must be so weird to try and get your head around it now but I think when you do…you guys will be good. You'll make it work."

Hermione nodded slowly as she took in my words.

"I guess so Non, I mean we don't have a choice but to try."

It was my turn to grimace then. Because that was exactly my problem with it all - no choice.

"Time's ticking Non – you don't want to be late for your date."

I scowled at Hermione's words as they jolted me from my thoughts.

"It's not a date!"

All I got was a smirk in reply and I ignored her call of "Enjoy!" as I muttered to myself and stomped out of the house and quickly apparated to The Leaky Cauldron. I pushed the creaky door open and let out a sigh as I stepped through and into the pub. I could see Tom the barman at the far end of the bar and after glancing around the interior of the pub to make a note of who was in there (no George yet) I made my way over to Tom so I could secure our table.

Just before I reached him the back door of the pub, the entranceway from Diagon Alley, slammed open and my stomach quivered as George came striding in, a fierce look on his face before his eyes landed on me. I had to fight against stepping back in alarm as he hurried towards me and it was only as he got closer I realised that this was _not_ in fact George, but Fred.

"Uh – aren't you the wrong twin?"

I got narrowed eyes and a half smirk at my question before he latched a strong hand on to my arm and started dragging me after him.

"Sorry Tom, bit of an emergency, we need this one's help. We'll make it up to you on the table booking, we promise!"

Tom just waved him off good naturedly as I stared at the back of his head in alarm, all the while trying to pry his fingers from my arm.

"Fred, hey Fred, ouch, Fred!"

I finally yanked my arm back as I tried to ground to a halt outside the brick wall.

Fred cast me an annoyed glance as he took out his wand to tap the brick work, Diagon Alley appearing behind him. As he made to reach for my arm again I took a step back.

"Stop doing that Fred. What's the emergency?"

It was only now I could see that his fierce look was more one of worry, although he was trying to hide it.

"We've had an accident in the work shop, George needs help. He wouldn't let me do anything until I'd come and got you."

He half glared at me before he turned and sped off up Diagon Alley and after a couple of seconds gaping after him in shock I quickly hurried after him. It was a muggy evening and I cursed silently to myself as I finally recalled why I didn't often wear this light blue t-shirt. I was bound to start sweating either from the heat or my nerves and it would totally show through. I focused on trying to keep my breathing even as we finally arrived at Fred and George's shop. Surprisingly he didn't lead me through to the shop but rather to an unobtrusive wooden door to the right hand side of the shop. I was always so visually overpowered by the shop front that I'd never noticed it before and as Fred opened it I realised with a gulp I was about to be led up to their flat.

"Err…"

"Stop dithering Non."

I flushed slightly at Fred's annoyed tone as he waited impatiently by the door and ducking my head to hide behind my hair I walked past him to wait in the inner corridor. I started to chew on my lip as I drew back and Fred brushed past me to head on up the flight of stairs. He didn't wait for me at the top, just left the door open and I hovered there for a moment, completely undecided as to how to proceed. Should I take my shoes off? Hang my jacket up? I finally settled for keeping my shoes on, I hadn't seen Fred take his off after all, and after hanging my jacket up I quickly followed the sounds of cupboard doors opening and crashing closed coping from the door at the end of the small landing.

I nudged the door open with my foot and took in the sight of the Weasley twin's kitchen. There were dated cupboards on the walls, a lurid green colour that looked like it came straight out of muggle 1970s décor. There was one tiny window with a wonky blind attached to it but the surfaces that I could take in from my quick glance were clear and there didn't appear to be a mound of dirty dishes like Hermione always complained Ron had always left sitting around for her to clean. I could only take that in with a blink of my eyes however before I was completely distracted by the kitchen table. Or rather, who was sat on it.

George Weasley was perched against the long edge of the table clad in jeans and a grey vest top. He had a grimace on his face as his left hand clutched at the edge of the table. His right arm, I noted with growing horror, was traced with deep green welts ranging from his hand right up to his shoulder. Boils were starting to form but what was even more concerning were the thorn like substances that were poking out of his skin, it looked like hundreds of them.

"What – what the hell happened?"

His head snapped up at my words and he ran his un-maimed hand through his hair as he shot me a rueful grin.

"Er, I'm a bit of an idiot."

"I could have told you that!"

George scowled lightly at Fred's shouted words before he snorted with amusement quickly followed by a grimace and I winced at the sight of his arm, taking a step closer.

"So…something attacked you?"

"That's right. We had a new plant delivered, guess it wasn't happy about being transported. As soon as I opened the container it got me. You look really nice, by the way."

I huffed out a breath at his words and had to fight against rolling me eyes. I'd literally grabbed the clothes closest to me, so nice my arse. Still, I supposed, it showed he had good manners.

"Er, thanks. What plant was it?"

"What, you not going to say I look nice too?"

I glanced up at George's face to see a faux look of outrage.

"Would it be terribly rude of me to say you've looked better?"

He nodded emphatically at me so I pretended to take my time in answering as I tapped a finger against my lips where I was fighting against a smile.

"Well, you've looked better George."

He clutched his free hand to his chest in mock pain.

"That's cruel Non. Here I am, maimed, wounded, practically at death's door, the _least_ you could do is compliment me."

"Ah but then I would be dishonest."

"Oho, an honest witch then are you?"

His eyes caught mine then and whilst they were lit up with humour I thought perhaps this question held a bit of weight to it and I fought against shifting awkwardly on my feet.

"Well, I try."

Fred came bustling back in to the kitchen then and nudged me aside as he set about placing glass containers and vials on the table to George's left as I faced him before he turned and brandished a set of gloves and what looked like tweezers at me,

"Right Non, you need to get the thorns out before they inject any more muck into this idiot. Then when that's done you need to burst the boils and collect the fluid in the vials there. Oh and store the thorns in that container."

I blinked as I wordlessly took the items from him.

"Make sure you wear the gloves when you burst the boils, not sure how corrosive that stuff might be. Oh also, check for side-affects in George. Apparently drowsiness, nausea and breathing difficulties are the worst possible ones!"

I gaped at Fred as he rushed out of the room leaving me stood in silence in front of George.

"But..but…well where's he going?"

I finally turned back to George and directed my question at him as I stepped closer to hover to the side of him.

"He needs to contain the plant. It's loose in the workshop and given it managed to burn through my robes we don't know what damage it might do."

I gaped at him.

"Through your robes! Blimey George, what category plant is this?"

"Oh you know, a four."

He beamed, completely unconcerned.

"A four! But you could…I mean the side effects could…shit George, stop grinning, it's not funny!"

He was chortling at me though and gestured to his maimed arm.

"Well it's not great no, but we could learn a lot from this. We were hoping to test it under stricter conditions than this but we'll not pass up the opportunity now its here."

I frowned at him. This went all against my what if rational. I planned for every outcome before I approached dangerous plants.

"Well what about Fred, will he be okay?"

George shot me a truly amused smile at that.

"Non, you do realise we both test and use dangerous products and their ingredients as our actual _jobs_ right?"

I flushed lightly at that feeling stupid. I mean of course they did but still, this didn't exactly look like they had been especially prepared.

"Right of course. Sorry George."

He snorted a laugh at me.

"Don't apologise, I can't blame you for being sceptical I mean look at _me._ "

I managed to huff out a laugh at that as I hesitantly put the gloves down and passed the tweezers into my right hand to get started. I stood to the side of him so I could be closer to the dish to deposit the thorns in and I glanced up only to startle slightly to see he was staring at me intently.

"Um...let me know if it hurts at all yeah?"

"Will do Non Non."

He winked at me but I narrowed my eyes slightly.

"Hmm."

"I will!" He protested with a laugh. "No misplaced manly pride from me. I'm a wimp really. Honestly you'll be fed up by the time we're finished."

I quirked a smile at that but only shook my head at him as I set to work. I was pleased to see that my hand wasn't shaking, it was as though being given a task to do helped to distract me from my normal nerves, although I couldn't help the slight tremors as I used my left hand to occasionally reposition his arm. Despite his last words we worked in relative silence with only the occasional hiss of pain from George and my muttered apologies when I had to dig out a particularly stubborn thorn. It was all going well until I had finally worked so far up his arm that it was starting to get a bit awkward for me to reach for more. I was desperately trying not to lean up against his leg as I had to reach up slightly to get at the ones nearing his shoulder as I didn't want to use my free arm to hold on to him for balance either. My hand hovered for a moment while I thought how best to proceed.

"Non."

"Hmm?"

I glanced across to see George looking at me with a sleepy smile.

"It'd be easier now if you moved you know. C'mere."

I jolted at the feel of fingers tugging at one of the belt loops on my jeans and I hesitantly allowed myself to be pulled far enough across that I was now stood in front of George.

"See. Now you can reach."

"Um I suppose. Didn't want to infringe on your personal space really. You don't mind?"

"Nope."

He popped the 'p' I his answer. Well _I_ minded but I wasn't sure how to tell him that. I chanced another look at him before I frowned. He really _did_ look a bit sleepy.

"George you feeling alright?"

He sighed happily.

"Never better."

He flashed a grin at my snort of laughter before sighing lightly again.

"Actually am feeling a bit tired. Say talk to me to distract me. I mean you wanted to talk to me tonight anyway, right?"

Fuck. Yes I had wanted to talk to him. About important things too. I'd had a nice speech planned to at least attempt to put my views on the Marriage Law across but George's injury had put it straight out of my mind. I chewed on my lip as I started de-thorning his shoulder and wondered how to begin.

"Well yes. I mean I did want to talk. I wanted to try and explain just why-. I mean what the problem-that is the issue I have with the Marriage Law."

"What is it?"

George's voice seemed to rumble from his chest now I was this close and I kept my gaze focused on his shoulder. There was a small pattern of freckles appearing under the area I was removing thorns from and I kept my eyes trained on them.

"I-I have a real problem with not being given a choice. And this takes it all away from us. It's our entire future George and it's just been decided for us. And I don't know if I'm going to be able to reconcile myself with that."

George didn't reply to that so I decided to carry on. Better to get it all out now right so we knew where we stood?

"I mean just think how this Law is going to affect so many people. I mean what – what if you're gay and all of a sudden you're being made to marry a witch? You won't ever be able to marry the guy you love."

Which was a really important point actually. This Law just assumed that everyone was heterosexual when that clearly wasn't the case. I mean there had been loads of rumours in school about Blaise Zabini in the year above me. There'd been a Slytherin girl in my year actually that I was _sure_ had been dating a witch two years above us too. A strangled sound came from George and I glanced up in alarm, was he having trouble breathing?

George was staring at me, eyes wide as he spluttered.

"What George? Are you alright?"

"I'm not gay!"

My jaw dropped slightly. What on earth was he on about, why would he even say that – oh. _Oh_.

"Wait, I didn't think you were."

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"You know I can prove it."

"Er, you know George you really don't have to."

I'd started to blush in embarrassment that he'd so misunderstood me, and a grin flickered across his face.

"Are you _sure_? You seem in need of assurance if you ask me."

George made a move to stand up.

"No George wait don't stand-"

Too late. George pushed off the table to stand in front of me, uncomfortably close but even as he looked down at me his grin turned into a light grimace and he swayed rather alarmingly. I grabbed him around his middle even as his uninjured arm grabbed on to my waist to steady himself.

"Look just – just sit back on the table. I don't think you're gay George honestly. It was just a hypothetical point."

"Hmm. Is this the part where you tell me you prefer witches then?"

I snorted out a laugh.

"I like wizards thank you very much. And no – I'm not going to prove it."

I shot him a pointed look and he huffed lightly feigning a crestfallen look. I made to start working on his shoulder again when I noted with some concern that the green welts the plant had left had trailed under the edge of his vest. Shit. Was he going to have to take it off? I chewed on my lip before darting a glance back up at George as I made to take a step back. I frowned slightly as George's arm, still holding on to me around my waist had me trapped in place. I cleared me throat uncomfortably.

"You er – you need to take your top off George."

"Blimey, the first time in my kitchen and you can't wait to get my clothes off. Are you the witch of my dreams?"

I rolled my eyes at George's blatant teasing and as he finally removed his hand from my waist to start pulling at his top I took the chance to take a small step back before I hesitantly started to help him. I was furiously trying not to blush although I knew I was failing.

 _Get a grip Non. You've seen topless blokes before._

I had even seen this bloke topless before but then I'd blushed then too.

George awkwardly pushed his vest over his head as I gingerly pulled it down over his injured arm doing my best not to catch it on the pulsating boils. Thankfully the attack from the plant had not gone too much further than over the right side of his chest and I let out a sigh of relief. I had to use all my will power not to let my eyes wonder.

 _Merlin Non he's going to think you're a perv. Just focus on the injury._

I started pulling out the thorns again, cursing silently at each time I had to reach around him to deposit a removed thorn in a tray and I desperately tried to gather my thoughts.

"What I mean about the Marriage Law George, doesn't it bother you? That you've no choice anymore? I mean you can't even go into the pub anymore and have a chance meeting, or chat someone up or anything. That's all gone now."

I frowned to myself. I mean it wasn't like I had enjoyed that aspect anyway now that I thought about it but the point still stood. Whatever paths had been open to us were now closed. We only had a set course. And sure George seemed nice, but nice enough to _marry?_ I couldn't know that. And who knew who else could be out there for me? Even if I hadn't entertained the idea of falling in love with anyone any time soon, how did I not know that the wizard for me (if there was one) wasn't out there and I'd never get my chance? I knew that there were _definitely_ better witches out there for George.

"It just so happens that the last witch I chatted up in a pub I'm actually going to marry."

I snapped my head up so quickly at his words I heard my neck crack. There were so many things I found wrong with that statement I didn't quite know where to start.

"You didn't chat me up George."

"I did!"

I scowled at his protest before he huffed out a sigh.

"Well I would have if you'd let me, you ran off before I could after Percy annoyed you."

"Yeah, yeah very funny George. I was being serious."

I mean honestly. I was making a very important point and here he was making a joke. He'd opened his mouth to speak again but I hurried on before he could make another one.

"Besides you didn't answer my question. Doesn't it bother you?"

I'd finished taking the thorns out now so I straightened up slightly so I could actually look at him properly. He had to tilt his head down a bit to meet my gaze from his seated position and he still looked a tad sleepy I noted with some concern as he replied, his free hand absentmindedly playing with one of my belt loops again which I found a bit weird but he seemed to always need to keep his hands busy so I didn't want to embarrass him by drawing attention to it.

"Yes and no. Yes because like you say they've made this decision for us. But no because _we_ have the choice of how we move forward from here. They can't tell us how to act or how we decide to live the rest of our lives together. That's on us. That's plenty of choice right there."

I averted my gaze as I pondered his words and reached for the dragon hide gloves Fred had got for me. I could sort of see what he meant but then I recalled his words. Our 'lives together'. We had no choice over that part, and that was wrong.

"I guess."

"That is the most unconvincing 'I guess' I think I've ever heard."

I shot him a rueful look before shrugging.

"Like I said, I've got a real problem with the law."

"A fellow rebel then."

I huffed out a breath slightly annoyed at him. I mean I could appreciate he was trying to lighten the mood but I really needed him to understand that I had a genuine problem here. That even the prospect of marriage was making me want to cringe back from him, making it highly difficult for me to even talk to him on occasion.

I frowned slightly at how big the gloves were on me, that was going to make holding the glass vials and bursting the boils – an already difficult task – extra tricky.

"Merlin I really hope these don't explode when I touch them."

I'd muttered it as I hesitantly brought the tweezers in my right hand closer to the nearest boil on his shoulder, awkwardly angling the glass vial underneath it. I felt a light tug on my belt loop and glanced back up at George.

"Me too. Sorry you have to do this."

He inclined his head towards his injured arm.

"It's alright. Easier for me to talk when I'm distracted anyway."

"Hmm well, I still feel pretty sleepy, keep talking?"

I gazed back at him in concern, taking in his half open eyes and I thought he was starting to look a little grey under the freckles on his face. Better start speeding things up I thought as I nodded at him. I turned and gently prodded the tweezers into the top of the boil, just enough to make a small puncture wound and to my relief it didn't explode rather a violently green liquid started to leak out of it which I deftly caught in the vial. It thankfully didn't smell too badly either, slightly acrid but much better than bubotuber puss and I let out a relieved sigh. If they were all like this then this wouldn't be too bad and I hoped it would cause minimal pain for George.

"Okay well, the other problem I have I guess is that face that I haven't exactly been….well."

I winced as I said that, hating to think of my own weakness let alone talking about it to George as I stoppered the first vial and quickly nabbed another one before moving on to the boils on his upper arm.

"And what I've realised lately is that I'm not great with…"

"Relationships."

I froze in shock that he had known what I was going to say next before I briefly recalled I'd told him that before so I nodded.

"Yeah exactly. But I mean any relationships. Even just friendship I find hard I just…"

I scowled at myself. Why couldn't I find the words? Why not just tell him about the issue with Percy and his wedding I mean that was the perfect example of how messed up I was but I was just too embarrassed to say it. I huffed out a sigh before levelling George with a serious stare.

"I'm a mess George. And I'm really sorry you got paired with me because I really don't think I can do this. Whatever this even is. I just…"

I trailed off again as my words ran out and I just looked at him. Well I'd said it now.

"I don't think you're a mess Non."

His voice was soft, with sleep I guessed and he was looking at me with a confused frown on his face.

"Sure you've got things to work through but no one's saying we have to get married tomorrow and start living together. We've got time Non to figure this all out."

I chewed on my lip as I moved to fill another vial. How come he could be so mature about all of this? I continued to worry my lip as I pondered his words but I couldn't stop my brain from over thinking. But what if we just didn't work? What if we fell out before we even got married? What if we got married but then fell in love with other people?

"Look Non I'm not one for worrying about things that I can't change. And who knows with pairing us together, maybe the Ministry know what they're on about."

I let out a cynical snort.

"Yeah right."

"Was that directed at you being paired with _me_ or the prospect of the Ministry knowing what it's doing?"

Oh, oops. I glanced up at him nervously.

"Um, the Ministry bit although don't tell anyone I said that. Ministry employee and all, I shouldn't be speaking ill of them."

I got a crooked grin in response and I shrugged lightly as I moved to drain the final few boils. We were both silent as I finished stoppering the last vial and I took a step back from him when I was finished, absently noting he still had a finger hooked around my belt loop at my hip.

"I suppose murtlap essence should help the rest."

George nodded his agreement at my words, but his nods were very slow and ponderous and I bit my lip with worry.

"You got any basins?"

"Yeah bottom left over there."

He finally removed his hand from me and gestured towards one of the kitchen cupboards before moving to cover his mouth to hide a huge yawn.

I rushed to the cupboard to get a basin before grabbing my bag and muttering a quick accio to bring my supply of murtlap to the top. Another swish of my wand and I'd added water to the basin and I chanced a glance in the cupboard under the sink to grab a clean cloth to use to wipe his arm down.

I wrung out the cloth a couple of times before moving to wipe his arm down and I cursed silently that now of all times my hands had decided to start shaking. George hissed with pain as soon as it touched and I shot him an apologetic look, pausing my movements but he just shook his head at me and gestured for me to continue.

I tried to hide a grimace at the remains of the outer skin of the boils falling off as the murtlap did its job but I was a bit concerned that the green welts weren't disappearing all that much. Some more fluid looked to be starting to leak out of it and I guessed that at some stage more boils would form and George would have to repeat this process.

"Non if you wanted to get frisky with George I'd recommend a bed. That table's not comfortable, _trust me_."

I gave a startled yelp and nearly upended the basin at Fred's loud voice that sounded from the kitchen door and George used his free hand to steady me. I could feel myself flushing scarlet and I cast a glare in the annoying twin's direction.

"Oh ha ha Fred."

"What, you saying bursting boils isn't a turn on? Wish someone had told me, I wouldn't have put myself through this pain."

I snorted a laugh at George's words before rolling my eyes. Merlin, they were impossible.

"Whatever. Look I don't think the murtlap is going to clear anymore off I reckon you're going to have to wait for more boils to form for it to leech out that way."

George pouted slightly at that and I felt my lips try and twitch up into a smile.

"And I suppose with that I best go."

I was a bit disappointed. I hadn't managed to broach the topic of being friends with George but Fred made me uncomfortable for the single reason that I never knew what was going to come out of his mouth so I figured it was best to save that conversation for another day.

"You can't go."

I blinked in surprise as they spoke in unison, Fred now having moved towards the sink.

"Er, why not?"

"You've not eaten."

They again spoke together and I quirked my brow in confusion. I mean I knew they were twins but how did they do that? The timing was eerie.

"You go move that one eared lug into the living room and I'll get something ready. Pretty sure mum sent some left overs yesterday…"

Fred was muttering to himself now as he moved to clear up the items from the table and I stood awkwardly in front of George.

"Um, you okay to walk?"

He blinked sleepily back at me.

"Won't know unless I try."

George shrugged his good shoulder before bracing himself on the table to stand. He did in all fairness manage to walk a couple of steps before he swayed so I reluctantly lent him my shoulder to lean on as we shuffled to the living room, George letting me know where it was. After Fred's little jibe I was again acutely aware of George's state of undress and I kept my eyes trained forward.

He heaved a sigh of relief as he settled on the sofa and he hooked a finger in my belt loop to drag me down to sit by him. I frowned in annoyance at him but he only looked back at me with a sleepy smile seemingly unaware or unconcerned as to why I was frowning. Perhaps he hadn't realised he'd done it I mused and shrugged the thought away.

The silence that followed was awkward. Now that I didn't have anything besides healing George to focus on I was stuck as to what to do. Where should I look? What should I say? Why hasn't he put his vest back on?

I could feel my heart rate increase with my anxiety and my palms started to sweat. I tried to take a few moments to make sure my breathing was even as I decided to focus on the room around me to distract myself. There was a large fireplace taking up most of the wall opposite the sofa. On either side were wonky shelves, jam packed full of books and I winced slightly at their haphazard storage system. I myself would prefer to organise them in subject order or would at least have them in some sort of height order system but either way I definitely would have them stored with their spines showing. I cast an irrational glare at the books whose page ends were facing me before I quirked a half smile at myself.

"Talk to me."

A thrum of nerves shot through me at George's voice and I threw him a quick apologetic look, fidgeting in my seat before I half turned to him and tucked one of my legs up on the sofa so I could rest my chin on my knee and clasp my arms around my leg. It was quite obviously to me a defensive barrier but I felt more secure and hoped George didn't recognise it for what it was.

"Right yeah, sorry. Um, so yeah I'm not going to be very good at this just was wondering really…do you have any concerns?"

Merlin I sounded frightfully formal, like this was some weird twisted business transaction. What were we going to be doing, drawing up a contract? He must think I'm an absolute idiot. I risked a glance at him, noting he at least had colour back in his face now as he smiled slowly.

"Non, Non."

It took me a few seconds to process what he had said and I bit my lip against a smile. But seriously no concerns _?_ Was he insane _?_

My disbelief must have shown on my face as he chuckled lightly.

"Seriously Non, I say we just see how things go. We know the end goal, may as well enjoy the ride along the way."

"What so, you don't have a plan?"

Merlin I don't know what I was going to do without a plan. The fact he didn't seem to need one was an even clearer indication that we weren't well suited. George outright laughed at my question but tried to stifle it when he realised I was serious.

"Sorry Non, nope no plan. Why do you have one?"

He seemed genuinely intrigued and I shifted uncomfortably under the focus of his gaze and I maturely mumbled my response into my knee.

"Well yeah. I mean I figured we don't actually know each other at all really so why not just start off trying to be friends?"

God that sounded a bit naff now I'd said it out loud, especially compared to George's more easy going approach and I cringed inwardly.

"Friends?"

Shit, he didn't sound happy. I nervously glanced at him but he was staring intently at his arm where boils were emerging again. Okay, right fair enough, I wouldn't be happy to have those reappearing on my arm either.

"Uh, yeah."

He looked up suddenly and I froze, completely embarrassed when I realised I'd been caught staring and my ever annoying blush made a reappearance. I was going to have to have serious words with myself to get a grip on that reaction I decided.

"I think that's a very sensible idea."

"So…so you agree to it?"

Sensible didn't always seem to be something the Weasley twins had a lot of time for from what I could recall of them from school so I figured I'd better double check. I didn't want to leave this evening with any misunderstandings.

"I do. Shake on it?"

I felt a surge of relief.

 _Thank Merlin he agreed!_

I didn't even feel a twinge of concern when I reached my hand forward to shake his in agreement. I knew he'd come to realise what I had that we would only work as friends, I mean there was no other logical or realistic outcome given what I knew of myself and what I knew of or had heard about him. But if we could get through this whole shit situation as friends then that was at least making the best out of something horrible.

I smiled at him when we shook hands and it felt like the first proper smile I'd ever given him. He smiled back before glancing down.

"Nice bracelet."

I followed his gaze and startled slightly, taking my hand back slowly. Well shit, I was still wearing the daisy chain as a bracelet. I'd clearly forgotten to take it off after the weekend but I couldn't tell him that.

 _He'll probably think I don't wash or something, geez Non what are you even wearing it for?_

"Oh right that, yeah that was from Teddy."

"Teddy, right of course."

George had tilted his head to look at me, a small frown line appearing between his eyebrows when I was saved by Fred from any more questions.

"Grubs up!"

I bounced to my feet at his call from the kitchen.

"Hungry?"

"Uh yeah just a bit."

I held out a hand hesitantly to George to help haul him to his feet. He grinned as he grabbed my hand and as soon as he stood he surprised me by flinging his arm around my shoulder.

"C'mon then friend, help me to the kitchen."

I froze. I was practically smooshed up against George's chest and I cast him a nervous look. He looked entirely unconcerned, in fact he was now raising a questioning eyebrow at me and I internally shrugged at myself. Right he was clearly a touchy feely person. I on the other hand was not. Yet another piece of evidence that weren't suited I realised as I filed that bit of information away. I stood up a bit straighter trying to place at least some distance between mine and George's torso's as I helped him walk through to the kitchen.

Fred grinned when he saw us but carried on dishing up the food. George sat down heavily in his chair and I hesitated before I took what looked like the seat left for me at the end of the table to George's right. Fred slid into the seat opposite him.

Dinner with the Weasley twins was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. Despite George not being on his best form because of the plant attack they still bantered back and forth constantly allowing me to eat quietly and let my nerves settle as well as they could. Fred still alarmed me greatly, something he clearly realised and enjoyed as he would every so often bring out one of their joke products either from a secret pocket or draw just to surprise me and see how I'd react. I suddenly fully empathised with Hermione's annoyance with him as for the third time I'd nearly leapt from my seat in shock. George for his part was content for his twin to tease me, taking in my reactions with a smile, even on occasion providing Fred with encouragement to only laugh when I scowled at him.

The table quietened down over pudding with George clearly fighting sleep and Fred was idly flinging raspberries at his head to keep him awake. I fidgeted in my seat as the conversation died down. I was painfully aware that the twins had carried most of the conversation and I worried what they thought of me. Why was it always so hard for me to think of anything to say? If they minded though they didn't let on and I felt absurdly grateful.

At George's third jaw cracking yawn I finally summoned up my courage to make a move to leave, although not until I'd had my offer of doing the washing up waived away by Fred.

"It's your first time as a guest here so our rules are you don't help. Second time we'll ease you in to it and after your third visit we'll treat you like a house elf. Feel free to tell Hermione I said that."

Fred winked outrageously at me and I rolled my eyes unable to fight a smile.

"I might. I might not. You've irritated her quite enough I wouldn't want to stoke that back up again."

"Ah go on Non, do it for me?"

Fred batted his eyelashes at me.

"Well you _did_ cook me food so…alright."

"See that George, she rewards good behaviour."

"Noted."

George attempted to wink at me but he was so tired it was more like an extended blink and I giggled lightly. He was ridiculous. I stood up to leave but he held a hand out to stop me.

"C'mon then friend, when's our next meeting?"

Fred brushed past me as he left the kitchen and I stood awkwardly by George and I thought hard about when we even could next meet. My rota was so full I was struggling to see any time in at least the next week and a half when I could.

"Saturday?"

I shook my head at his prompted question.

"I can't sorry George, I'm going to Azkaban."

"Blimey, what are they locking you up for?"

It was a joking question I'd heard many times before when it came to this aspect of my job but I couldn't help but smile.

"I can't say. Wouldn't want to shock you, it being our first day as friends 'n all."

He nodded with mock seriousness before sighing.

"So wait, does that mean you're away for the week? I'm sure Ron's usually gone that long."

I nodded along with his words.

"Yeah that's right. I leave about midday on Saturday, back the following Saturday evening."

"Alright so, how about staying over The Burrow on that Saturday night? I can show you around the village then on Sunday and it'll save you having to do any extra travel if you're tired."

I hesitated. The way George said it, it sounded really reasonable and I was touched he'd factored in that I'd be tired after working at Azkaban. Which was true. What he maybe didn't realise was just how tired I would be. All aurors got at least a day off after a week working in Azkaban to allow them to recover just because of the sheer hellishness of that place.

"We can't exactly get to know each other as friends if we don't see each other right?"

George's question prompted me from my thoughts and I wondered just how long I had been gazing into space thinking over his words. I didn't want him to think that I wasn't serious about my plan so I rushed to answer him.

"No of course you're right. Okay I can meet you at The Burrow that Saturday night. If your parents don't mind that is. And um, if you don't mind that I might be a bit of a zombie when I arrive. Azkaban kind of takes it out of a person."

"Mum and Dad won't mind at all. In fact I think they love having people over I think they miss the fact the house is emptier more often than its full these days. Plus it's always good to visit fairly regularly to keep mum happy otherwise she takes it upon herself to come and see us here."

"Oh and that's bad is it?"

"Put it this way, you don't want your mother walking in unannounced."

I laughed at right at that quickly catching on to his unspoken meaning.

"Found that out the hard way did you?"

"Now Non I don't like what you're implying there. It was Fred she caught in a rather compromising position I'll have you know. I'm as innocent as the day I was born."

George had plastered an innocent expression on to his face and I had to admit it was good attempt until I caught the gleam in his eyes. George Weasley, innocent? Ha!

"Now George I wouldn't want to call you a liar but I rather think your last sentence there was flawed."

He beamed at me before covering his mouth as another yawn overtook him.

"Right, I'm really going to go. You need to sleep."

He simply nodded his agreement and when he made to stand up I just waived him away.

"I can walk myself out. Tell Fred thanks again for food and I'll see you next week. Er, good luck with the boils."

"Ha thanks! Good luck with Azkaban. And see you around, _friend_."

I shot George a curious glance. He'd seemed to have said his last word a bit weirdly but when I looked at him his eyes were closed and his head was starting to nod so I figured it was just because he was so tired. I shrugged to myself before quietly leaving. When I stepped back out into Diagon Alley it was just approaching dusk and I let out a heavy pent up sigh. That had been more exhausting that I'd anticipated but at least it didn't seem like it had been a disaster. I had a plan in place as to how to get along with George and whilst I still didn't feel completely relaxed around him at least I had something that I could work towards and that made me hopeful. I hummed happily to myself as I made my way back to The Leaky Cauldron deciding I'd have a quick buterbeer to congratulate myself before I headed for home.

 **A/N: Welcome to my lovely readers and new followers. How did you like this instalment? Very dialogue heavy I know but it was important they had this conversation.**

 **Hope you enjoyed it**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

 **WARNING** **: This story is rated M for a reason and this chapter is one of them. There are some darker themes and trigger warnings so if threats of sexual violence and death bothers you please proceed with caution. Especially the flashback italics section towards the end of the chapter. If you don't like reading along those themes then please skip that part. If anyone would like to discuss anything with me after reading, please feel free to PM.**

 **Also please note Non will speak Welsh in this chapter. All speech in Welsh is enclosed by [ ].**

Chapter 11

"So, I fucked him."

Tea came snorting out of my nose as I clutched my travel cup and gazed to my left in horror to see Tobin chuckling to herself in quiet delight at my reaction.

"I thought – I thought you were avoiding your match?"

I was still spluttering as Tobin shrugged her shoulder before taking a dainty bite out of one of the cupcakes I'd brought with me for my final shift monitoring in the warehouse before I left for Azkaban.

"I was but he tracked me down. Quite glad he did actually, he's got a huge dick. Best bit was when he bent me over the kitchen table and-"

"Jess Tobin don't you dare finish that sentence!"

I was scandalised. But she finished it anyway. I sat gazing at the warehouse as I tried to block her out, I mean seriously had she never heard of over sharing before. Finally, _finally_ she stopped telling me about her sex life and a silence settled over the room as I carried on looking at the warehouse. Where nothing was happening. Again.

I felt an itch forming on the side of my face that had nothing to do with my skin but everything to do with the feeling of eyes on me. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see Tobin staring intently at me?

"What?"

I didn't like the smirk on her face.

"You fucked Weasley yet then?"

I raised an eyebrow trying to fight a mischievous grin.

"Which one?"

It was Tobin's turn to choke on her tea before she set the cup down and gave me a silent round of applause.

"Alright you got me. That was _not_ an answer I expected from you Llewellyn." She shot me a speculative gaze before shrugging to herself. "So c'mon spill, you shagged George then?"

"Don't be daft Tobin, I don't even fancy him. Besides, we've only just decided to be friends."

Tobin cackled loudly at that and quickly smothered it, her shoulders shaking as she tried to supress her laughter.

"Don't fancy him? Oh c'mon Non, he was one of the fittest blokes at Hogwarts."

"I thought you transferred in your fifth year to Beauxbaton?"

"I did, but he was already cute then, he's only gotten better from what I've seen in passing. Are you seriously trying to tell me you don't find him attractive?"

I hesitated for a moment and I saw her grin triumphantly as I rolled my eyes at her.

"I can freely admit he's attractive Tobin but that does not mean I _fancy_ him. That's something different."

Which it was.

That didn't stop me squirming awkwardly while feeling her staring at me intently as I kept my eyes trained on the warehouse. I didn't like thinking about George's attractiveness, it only made me think of my own lack of attractiveness and how in the looks department he was way out of my league. The silence stretched on uncomfortably long for me.

"Seriously Tobin, I can safely say hand on heart that I have never been attracted to a red head before."

And I mean I hadn't. My one and only boyfriend, Justin Finch-Fletchley, had had the loveliest brown hair that would start to curl once he grew it out to a certain length and in the summer it would sometimes look like it was shot through with gold with natural highlights from the sun. I felt a painful twinge at the thought of him and tried not to bite my lip. The other few dates I'd been on one had been with a blonde with wavy hair and in the case of Dominic Hartson jet black curls.

"I'm calling bull shit."

I shot her a glare.

"Call it all you want Tobin, it's the truth."

"If you say so. Know that I don't believe you and I will be waiting to crow about it the day you finally admit it."

I ignored her and she scoffed at me before she too finally settled in to carry on monitoring the warehouse. We thankfully didn't have very long left on our shift and as the door nudged open to reveal the first of our replacements I gathered up my travel cups and placed them back on my flask, rolling my eyes at Tobin's wink. She was impossible.

Once I got outside I skirted the side of the building to make sure I was still out of sight and checked my watch. Eleven o'clock in the morning and I was due at the port side to get to Azkaban for noon. So not much point heading home to twiddle my thumbs and I had already packed my small bag full of what supplies I'd need in readiness. I let out a heavy breathe trying to quell the low level panic that was building at the thought of setting foot on the island that housed the prison, drew my wand from its holster and focusing on the end point I turned with a _crack_ and opened my eyes to gaze out across sand dunes to take in the sight of the choppy North Sea.

I ambled along the dunes, stepping between the clumps of sparse grass as I kept a lookout for the entrance to the dock side. It didn't take me long to see the two low grey stones spaced roughly two foot apart. They had been marked with deep gouges, I imagine long ago they had been runes back when they were newly done, but now they were unrecognisable it looked more like deep welts had been scratched into their surface by some long clawed monster. The air seemed to shimmer around them, which I knew to be old magic whereas any poor muggle that happened by would have the urge to walk right past it further along the beach if not turn around completely. I adjusted my bag strap on my shoulder and stepped between the stones, ignoring the pulsing of magic as I stepped through the invisible barrier.

A well-worn track appeared before me and I picked my way along it being mindful not to trip on the uneven surface as it led directly down to the beach. My boots crunched on the damp sand as I carried on forward to where the dockside waited for me, ancient wooden pilings and boards creating a creaky walkway that looked like one heavy wave would disintegrate it and I supposed that without magic, it would have.

There was no sign of the boat that would transport me from here to the island but then I hadn't anticipated there would be given I was early. There was no sign of anyone else yet either ready to travel across but I was sure others would start arriving soon. There was normally a group of upwards to ten that changed shifts at a time.

I plonked myself down on the wooden platform, ignoring its groan of protest as I tried to bury myself deeper into my jacket. It was my thick fur lined one again and I ducked my neck down into the colour to keep the chill breeze from me. Despite it nearly being the last week of August, this far north and this close to the sea it was nearly always cold. I nabbed some parchment, quill and small ink pot from my bag and started to write up my report from my earlier shift so I would have it ready to send off by owl one I reached the island.

The hour dragged by a bit slowly until finally one by one five other aurors arrived at the dockside to wait for the boat across with me and I fought a frown that there were so few of them. I stood to greet them all but after the initial nods of greeting they all seemed more than happy to converse amongst themselves which I didn't mind at all. I didn't recognise any of them which meant that they were either the aurors that were on a more regular Azkaban rotation than me or they were part of the group that escorted prominent members of the Ministry about their business.

When the boat finally arrived to transport us I held back to let everyone else settle into place first before I slipped on at the end. I hated getting on the boat first it was always so unstable in the choppy waves and I feared that I would fall in to the sea and make a fool of myself. I didn't doubt that if I was by myself that would never happen but on past form I usually seemed to save such mishaps for an audience. There was an oarsman with the boat although he was oarsman in name only as he lazily swished his wand and the boat juddered forward as it worked against the movement of the sea. The boat ride usually took about forty minutes (thirty on the return trip) so I settled myself down onto the uncomfortable wooden seat and blocked out the murmuring voices around me as I prepared myself for a week on the island.

Normally in the run up to Azkaban duty I spent a good fortnight prepping myself so I could be as in control of myself and my thoughts as possible. That of course has been scuppered this month by the introduction of the Marriage Law, interactions with George and my new hectic work schedule. All had exhausted me in different ways and I could feel the 'doors' in my mind where I usually shut out unpleasant memories already creaking. The fact that a thought about Justin had leaked through earlier was a sign I wasn't at my best. I knew Luna and the rest would say that I shouldn't compartmentalise things the way I did but it was honestly the only way I knew how to cope. So long as I let myself actually think on things from time to time generally it didn't bottle up too much, not like it had before my major panic attack. I mean that's not to say I thought on them as much as I should do, I was in a way walking a tight rope and it was a fine balancing act to make sure I got it right but I was aware of it at least. But I mean who liked thinking about things that hurt them anyway? All of the memories of loved ones that were no longer here they were just a stark brutal reminder of what I could no longer have and I felt the rising sense of disquiet at that thought. Great, I wasn't even _at_ the island yet and my thoughts were turning morbid.

I took a deep breath and decided to turn my gaze to the skies. There were quite a few sea birds active, they weren't seagulls I knew that but what species of bird they were was anyone's guess. I made a mental note to myself to look them up when I was next at home. The sea had calmed somewhat and the gentle slap of water and lapping of small waves was actually quite soothing. I carried on focusing on that and deliberately kept my gaze turned away as the island and foreboding prison upon it drew closer.

The boat finally shuddered to a stop and I reluctantly turned my head to view the island as the aurors in front of my started to disembark. The island was bleak, craggy stone. There was very little vegetation and what scraps of brittle grass that had managed to gain a meager hold in some of the cracks and ledges was bleached and sickly looking. No birds flew over the island, they did a loop around if they happened to come close, and there were no nesting sites, not even on the sheer cliff face I could see looming up to my right which anywhere else in the world I had no doubt would have made perfect nesting ground.

Azkaban itself drew the eye. It seemed to even draw in the sunlight as even though it was not long past noon on a summers day there was a murky gloom, as though it was permanently twilight here and the sun itself seemed never to hit the buildings walls. The prison building was monstrously large. Not quite on the same scale as Hogwarts but it was still one of the biggest buildings I'd ever seen. It was a simple square shape with four sheer walls stretching up at least fifty feet before smaller square towers emerged above them. There were tiny windows from those towers, like rows of needle like teeth grinning freakishly down on everyone. What was in those towers I didn't know.

Only the first three levels of Azkaban above ground had ever been used by the Ministry. There were rumours of there being basement levels but they had been sealed off when it was first opened as a prison. As to the upper levels there had been talk at one point of investigating them further but over the last one hundred years it had never been done and I didn't think now they ever would be. There were some parts of the prison building you just avoided, whether there were ancient spells upon it to ward people off or if some parts of the building were just too steeped in evil I wasn't sure. All I knew was that aside from the three levels the Ministry now used I never wanted to see an extra inch of the building if I could help it.

A cold wind gusted my hair into my face and I ducked my head and tried to tuck the stray pieces behind my ear as I trudged slowly up to the prison to sign in as a group of six aurors walked passed, speedily heading down to the boat that would free them from here back to the mainland. I shuddered as I passed through the arching stone doorway where one half was permanently propped open and I waited in line at the sign in desk. There was a weedy looking wizard sat behind the desk, a bored expression on his aged face as he processed us. When it was my turn I hesitantly gave my name and he rolled his eyes at my nerves. It was alright for him, it looked like he was part of the furniture here and I had no doubt he was one of the rare people that was permanently placed here and I had to fight against curling my lip in distaste. In my opinion anyone who could face being here full time had something seriously wrong with them.

He lazily flicked his wand and a package wrapped in brown paper floated towards me and I plucked it from the air before cradling it to my chest. This was my set of supplies for the week and I knew I wouldn't do well here without it. Next he held out a skeletal hand to pass a stone key towards me.

"You're in room 22f. All keys must be returned upon leaving."

His voice was wheezy and thin but it was clear enough and I nodded at him silently before striding off to find my room. Really it was one of the old cells that had been converted to give aurors a safe sleeping space when they were here and I shivered with unease as I wondered who had used the cell in the past. I bit on my lip to try and stop the thought. This was something Azkaban was good at, making you think of things that would frighten or creep you out. Ordinarily I would never have thought about it but now I had I couldn't properly shake it and I just knew it would reappear again probably just as I tried to go to sleep.

The stone key crunched slightly in the lock before the door swung inwards. It was a very small cell. Just enough room for a small washstand, toilet and a single bed. The shower facilities were located in a designated bathing area. They were disgusting to use, and the water always seemed lukewarm at best despite the heating charms that were placed on it and I pulled a face at the thought of having to use it again.

I sat down on the bed and quickly set about untying my package. A crumpled piece of parchment slid out and wafted to the floor before I could catch it and I sighed heavily as I leant forward to retrieve it. I knew exactly what it would be; my shift rota for the next week. The rest of the items were also all exactly what I was expecting. A food parcel, basic rations really seeing as nothing could grow on this island and it had been decided after the war that we wouldn't subject house elves to working here. It also meant the Ministry could save on having to provide bulky amounts of food. The final item was the auror robes I had to wear while on duty here. They were predictably black as most work robes were, with a grey badge outlining the shape of the prison. The great thing about these robes though were that they were made of a thicker material than normal, I'd been told they'd been woven from the wool of a magical species of sheep (I'd been surprised when I'd heard that as I'd had no idea you could even get magical sheep) that helped ward off ill thoughts and as I stood to shrug myself into them I did notice that I instantly felt better. The robes on their own could not ward off all of the ill humours of the prison but at least it was better than nothing.

I glanced then at my shift timetable and noted I was due to start my rota within the hour, which left me just enough time to post off my report from the prison owlery and to try and have a bit of lunch. It would be a ten hour shift so I knew I'd have to eat now otherwise I'd be starving by my shifts end.

And so my week at Azkaban began. The first few days were monotonous and seemed to blur together. My shifts were predictably dull. Each hour you had to make a cursory sweep along each floor to ensure all prisoners were in their cells, with the least serious criminals on floor one and the most dangerous up on the third floor. A part of me was disquieted at the thought of all of the death eaters being housed on the same floor but given that their cells were sound proofed so they couldn't communicate with each other I supposed it wasn't a problem. The real problem with Azkaban now that the dementors weren't there was that there was no escaping from your thoughts and the very nature of the island meant that the longer you were there the more depressed your thoughts would get.

My thoughts strayed often to Gruff. After my bout of crying in the shower I had, predictably for me, managed to lock thoughts of him away but I couldn't seem to escape the thought of him here. Memories I thought I had long forgotten kept re-surfacing from my childhood of just how good things had been when Gruff seemed to become part of the family and I dwelled time and again on the weeks following his disappearance. I had never seen my parents so scared before and they were never the same after he left either. Each time we got post, or there was a call at the door you could almost see it in my mam's face that wild hope that it would be news of Gruff or even Gruff himself but of course it never was.

I knew through my job what a disappearance could do to a family. The lack of closure, never knowing if they were alive or dead, would eat away at them. It broke families and it had broken mine. I knew I was glad that Gruff was alive but the very thought that he had never bothered to tell us, that my parents had died still not knowing if he lived, started to form a knot of anger in my gut. I could feel the bitterness inside me as well, that all these years after he had never, not once, tried to contact me. How could anyone do that to people they had thought of as family?

I cried a lot those first few nights, always angrily wiping my tears away, vowing to myself that Gruff wasn't worth it but the next night the cycle would repeat itself. I tried everything to distract myself. I tried reciting all of the plants I had in my greenhouse, I practices as many charms as I could in my room, I even tried to remember all of the dates from the Goblin Wars that Professor Binns had droned on about at Hogwarts but nothing seemed to work.

On Thursday things took a turn for the worst. It was the 29th August and as I quietly ate my breakfast I recalled with a sick feeling it was the anniversary of my parents' death. Five years. I'd had five long years without them. When things went wrong, when I was uncertain or unsure of what to do they were never there for me to call on like they should have. How to fix things, heal things, cook things, make things…all of the things a parent is supposed to be there for even after you've reached your majority and mine had never been there for it. Even just a hug, or a cwtsh, I missed with an intensity it frightened me.

When they'd died I'd never really reached the point in my life where a cwtsh from my mam and dad didn't make anything better. Even now I sometimes desperately thought, if I could just have one more cwtsh, one more hug then that would be enough. What made things worse was that no matter how hard I thought I couldn't even remember the last one we'd shared. I only had very few photographs of them, but I had the awful thoughts that without them I'd even forget what they looked like.

I shook my head angrily at myself as I stomped my way to the third floor to start my rounds. You see this is what I hated about this place. These thoughts would sink into you, pulling you under and it was almost with resignation I knew that now I had started on this train of thoughts the nightmares would start. They eventually always did here. The third floor wasn't really the best place for me to turn my thoughts on a happier path either.

I walked slowly along, checking each cell as I went. Each cell was lined with bars, much too narrow for anyone to squeeze through, and I could see the hazy shimmer of the ward shields that helped add an extra layer of protection and to sound proof the cells. The doors to the cells had always bothered me. They were all made of a heavy wood but the hinges were small and the lock itself looked like it could easily be broken. I knew there were magical spells upon it but that didn't help stop the irrational thought that one of the inmates could just bust their way out of there.

And it was the inmates that I hated. I hated them for all of the crimes they had committed during the war, for the people they had murdered and the families they had torn apart. But mostly I hated them because I feared them. I never knew the names of the death eaters that had held me captive, or the ones that had practiced their curses and hexes on me, yet I couldn't help but wonder if some of them were here on this floor with me, only a ward and a flimsy door between us. I shivered with unease.

When making sure the cells still contained their occupants I tried not to look too closely at the prisoners. Most had their backs turned anyway, usually hunkered down in a corner but some would just stand there and stare, their faces dead looking but their eyes still burning with a hatred and poison I couldn't understand. Antonin Dolohov and Rodolphous Lestrange were two of the worst. They had been infamous in both of You Know Who's periods of power and their ability to terrify hadn't gone away.

"What do they do each day?"

I mumbled the words, more just to hear the sound of a human voice to break up the eerie quiet, but now I'd asked the question I genuinely wondered. Prisoners on the first and second floor were allowed outside for periods so that they could exercise. Some on the first floor who were only in for minor misdemeanours even had access to books and writing tools but the ones here on the third floor, they had nothing. It was solitary confinement pretty much twenty four hours a day from what I understood save for the brief minutes they were brought their food and healing spells used on them to ensure they physically weren't in any distress.

"Most of them wank."

I could feel my face distorting in disgust as I looked around to see where the voice had come from. There was an auror stood at the end of the long corridor and I eyed him wearily. I wasn't looking forward to having to stand next to him for the next hour. He was short, only a bit taller than me, and his nose had definitely been broken at least once in the past. As I got closer I also noted there was a big dent on the left side of his bald head.

"Not sure I needed to know that, nor how you know it."

I muttered quietly to him as I took up the spot next to him.

"I watch 'em."

What the actual fuck?

"You…you. Right. Well that's – that's a bit weird."

I tried to inch away from him subtly. I was going to have to scourgify my mind.

"Well you gotta watch 'em see. Never know what they're up to. I see things you see. And them wanking is one of them."

Dear Helga, he was a talker. I glanced quickly at his robes and saw the dark blue edging around the grey outline of the prison motif. I'd finally learnt this week that it indicated that the wearer was a permanent resident on the island. Which explained so much because this guy was seriously strange. And a potential voyeur to boot.

"What else do you see?"

I hoped my question would steer him away from any conversation that involved death eaters and their wanking habits.

 _I can't believe I've just had to think that._

"Oh loadsa things. Not that anyone listens to me."

Can't think why.

"My superior, see he always tells me to shurrup. Says I should have learnt after having my head bashed in that I only talk nonsense. But I knows what I see."

He'd gestured to the dent in his head as he spoke.

"How'd you get your head bashed in?"

"Oh it was at the Battle of Hogwarts. A giant was smashing up one of them walls and a great hunk of boulder clocked me right on my noggin. I'm alright now. Although my son says I've got no filter. Seems I can't not say what I think, or what I see. Caused a bit of upset at home that so they figured here's the best place for me seeing as it doesn't bother me feelings. I can still work. I can still spot trouble."

I felt a bit bad now. He'd been injured in the line of duty in defeating death eaters and this was his reward. A full time placement at Azkaban.

"What trouble have you spotted then?"

I prompted him again. Maybe he didn't get much chance to speak to those that weren't regulars at the island and I would literally do anything to keep the conversation off the topic it had first started on.

I was treated to a ten minute dump of information. Most of it was pretty harmless. The guards chatting a bit too much perhaps with the prisoners as they handed over food, small things like that which really didn't amount to anything as my companion couldn't even specify how much time talking was too much.

"…and my superior see he ignored all of it. He won't send my report on back to the Ministry or nuffink. Not even the stuff about the fish."

I'd been nodding absentmindedly along with him but I froze at those words.

"The fish?"

"Yeah the fish. Completely inside out they were. You could see all their innards on their outards, their bones and everythink. Little puddles of flesh. It was disgusting let me tell you and I don't disgust easily."

I imagined he didn't but my thoughts were racing. Inside out fish. Just like all of the cases we'd had back on the mainland, including one on the eastern coast of Scotland, and of course the similarity with the inside out murder of Mr Task that was still unresolved.

"Have you still got that report?"

"I certainly do." He sounded affronted to even be asked. "I keep all of my reports I'll have you know miss. All in good order too. Just as I was taught to."

Excellent.

"Well I must say I agree with you. That it was worth reporting. Say you wouldn't be able to send it on to the Ministry for me could you? I work on one of the investigations teams, and I could look into it for you. If you like?"

I'd tried to hide my need for the report. I didn't know this auror and it could be that he was one that wouldn't go against his supervisor and as his supervisor had said no about sending the report in it could be it was a long shot of him wanting to send it on to me. I hoped complimenting him and making it an offer that needed his decision that it would work.

"Blimey would you miss? That'd be good. And you'd let me know the outcome?"

"Of course. Anything like this we take seriously, I think it's great you spotted it and have written up the report. I'd be happy to help you Mr…?"

"Oh the names Morris, Clive Morris miss. And you are?"

"I'm Non Llewellyn."

"I didn't know the Ministry had started employing the French!"

 _What the…? My name was obviously Welsh!_

Before I could correct him he was off talking again, a steady stream of stories which were mainly nonsense and I had a moment of doubt about the authenticity of any of his reports. Really, the man seemed a bit mad but I couldn't ignore it if there'd been another instance of experimental magic and this time at Azkaban itself. There was something seriously wrong if the prison was linked to these instances and I tried to focus on Morris' words to stop the feeling of disquiet spreading through me.

Finally Saturday came around, my last day, and I knew with a heavy sigh that I could no longer put off what I had been ignoring all week. After a meagre breakfast I headed through the great stone doorway outside and took up a small path that would lead to the opposite side of the island. It was only a twenty minute walk and then I found myself at a miniature maze of stone monuments each one plain and unadorned on their fronts with one giant stone slab in the centre providing an explanation for its existence.

" _In memory of those muggle born and all those wrongly imprisoned on this island during the infamous reign of You Know Who who sadly lost their lives. May their memories linger on in the hearts of their families and loved ones, and may they at last find peace from their suffering. We will not forget."_

There was quite a lot more underneath it, and I knew on the reverse side of the stone monuments would be a list of names of all the muggle borns that had died here. I meandered through them all before crouching down before one. I knew exactly what name would be on the reverse.

Chloe Smith.

She'd been one of my best friends in Hufflepuff. A muggle born. And she'd had the most beautiful singing voice you had ever heard. Celestina Warbeck wasn't a patch on her, which even I as a devoted Welsh fan of Ms Warbeck's, could concede. She'd have gone on to such success I just knew it. Had she lived.

But she hadn't. She'd gone to register as a muggle born when the You Know Who run Ministry had required it. And they'd decreed her guilty of stealing her magic and she'd been shipped here where the dementors had free reign.

I hated coming here. I hated having to visit Chloe's grave. I hated that she had died here all alone and in complete despair. The things the muggle borns had been put through…I had to swallow back some bile. It had been a disgrace. An absolute stain on the magical world's history and the only bloody monument they had was stuck on this godforsaken island where their families could never visit.

I could hear the crunch of footsteps from fairly close by and the muttering of voices but I stayed crouching down. I didn't particularly want to see anyone right now.

"…still can't believe they wasted money on this."

"Look we know the wider communities had to be appeased. Not like we don't know what happened here was the right thing."

"You're telling me. Filthy mudbloods. Got what they deserved."

I had to stifle a gasp of outrage with my hand. What the hell was I hearing? The only people on this island other than the prisoners were aurors which meant that these two people with their anti-muggle born views were in the employ of the Ministry. I felt a surge of rage. After the war the auror department was supposed to have been purged of such people but clearly Shacklebolt hadn't been thorough enough.

I was torn in two minds. Did I stand up and let my presence be known? Given their blatant words that was perhaps not the best option, I didn't fancy a skirmish or being obliviated to forget. Best I stayed ducked down and quiet I supposed, either I could hear more that I could report on but really what I needed was their names.

I realised with some horror that the crunching footsteps were coming closer and that they and the muttering voices came to a stuttering halt. So I'd been seen. I took a juddering breath and kept one of my hands over my face as I pretended to sob silently. Perhaps they'd think I'd been crying all along and not heard them.

"You alright there love?"

I stiffened slightly at the spoken words before glancing up in pretend surprise, hastily wiping at my face. I knew my eyes would look upset (as they always did when I visited here) and I hoped that was enough cover.

"Oh I…yes I'm okay thank you. Just visiting a friend."

I stood slowly and allowed my lip to tremble as I gestured to Chloe's stone marker.

There were two men stood in front of me. Completely non-descript really, in fact one could have passed for handsome on a good day. Both were gazing at me with sympathy.

"Aye lass, we've all lost someone. Such a terrible thing."

I nodded silently, my thoughts racing. They seemed completely genuine. Had there been two others nearby that I had heard instead? I chanced a look around and let out an unhappy sigh of agreement. I also couldn't see another person anywhere near. It had to be them. I had to hand it to them, they were very good actors.

"It really was." I sniffled. "I'll leave you both in peace to pay your respects."

They both smiled kindly at me as I passed but I could feel them watching me the whole way back out of the maze of stones and it wasn't until I'd walked a good five minutes up the path and had rounded a crag of rocks that I felt it safe to let out a huge gust of air. I just couldn't believe what I'd heard. I wish I could have thought how to get their names but it just hadn't been safe enough to even attempt it. If they'd had an inkling that I'd heard them…given their real attitudes I didn't like to think what could have happened.

The rest of Saturday passed agonizingly slowly. I was itching to get back on to the mainland so I could write up a report although I realised with no little irritation that it would be delayed by my agreed visit to The Burrow and seeing George. Why oh why had I agreed to that? It seemed crazy now.

Finally seven o'clock rolled around and I rushed to hand in my room key and to make my way down to the landing point for the boat. I was almost running to get there but I couldn't find it in me to care I was that desperate to leave. The boat seemed to shine in welcome greeting and I was heedless of the other aurors around me this time as I rushed to be the first one on. The journey back passed swiftly but even as I sat on the boat and let Azkaban slip away behind me I could feel exhaustion setting in and I fumbled in my bag for some chocolate. It wasn't a physical exhaustion, there was nothing on the island that was strenuous but emotionally and mentally I felt drained.

I couldn't help but smile as the Scottish beach came into view and I hopped out of the boat even before it had become stationary, ignoring the squawk of outrage from the oarsman as I jogged up the beach and back to the dunes. I took a moment to gather myself before drawing my want out to apparate. It was quite a jump to go from here to The Burrow and given how tired I was I thought it best to do it in stages.

Finally, at a quarter to eight, The Burrow appeared and I felt weirdly warmed to see it. It was a very muggy and warm evening but after the chill of Azkaban I welcomed it. And The Burrow was such a homey and warm place I sped walked up the drive but before I could even knock the door opened to reveal the smiling figure of George Weasley.

I faltered slightly, the familiar fight or flight feelings making themselves known as they always seemed to whenever I saw him, but I swallowed it down.

 _Friends remember Non. You're only going to be friends._

That made me feel slightly better although I was nonplussed that George hadn't said anything yet. In fact he seemed to be studying my face and I ducked my head down before I could stop myself as I tucked my hair behind my ears.

"Um hi George. Can I come in?"

My question seemed to snap him in to action.

"Of course! Come in, come in, Mum's got food waiting for you. Here give me your coat. How are you? Azkaban not too bad?"

I blinked a few times as I followed him into the house and obediently shrugging out of my coat.

"Azkaban was…Azkaban. It's never nice. I had chocolate on the boat ride back though, that always helps."

George hummed his agreement before he shepherded me into the kitchen where Mr and Mrs Weasley were sat around the table, steaming mugs of tea before them. I eyed the tea jealously.

"Non dear, how lovely to see you."

Mrs Weasley bustled over to wrap me in a hug. I tried my hardest not to tense before I hugged her back but I wasn't sure how successful I was. Mr Weasley was content with greeting me cheerfully from his seat.

"It's lovely to see you too Molly, Arthur. Thanks for having me over."

"Oh nonsense dear you're welcome any time you don't even need to ask. Does she Arthur?"

"Of course not, of course not. Always lovely to see you Non."

I smiled back as I sat down but I was a bit perturbed. Did they actually mean it, or were they just being nice? I couldn't see anything but sincerity in either of their faces though. They really were just nice people. George didn't know how lucky he was to have them as parents I thought as I glanced at him. He'd taken a seat to my left but he seemed content just to sit quietly. Was that normal George behaviour?

"So…so how have your weeks been?"

I lobbed the question out hoping they would latch on to it and carry the conversation. They did.

Mrs Weasley brushed off all my attempts and offers of help as she dished up a soup starter for me followed by a risotto main dish as Mr Weasley regaled us with his tales from work that week. I didn't doubt that at least Mrs Weasley had heard them all before but I chuckled along at all the right places. It was George's turn then to join in with tales form his week.

"Honestly George it wasn't funny. Teaching Teddy to belch the alphabet, I ask you! Andromeda was not at all amused."

I made an absolute mess of disguising my laughter at that and I even earned a disapproving glare from Mrs Weasley in return. I managed to swallow down my mouthful of food.

"You didn't?"

Right I probably should have hidden the delight from my voice there when I asked that as I could hear Mr Weasley snickering into his mug of tea.

"Honestly he's a natural talent Non. Who was I to discourage it? Such creativity should be celebrated."

George's mock earnest expression had me giggling again as Mrs Weasley made an indelicate noise of disagreement and half-heartedly swatted at her son with a tea towel.

"Honestly, what have I raised…"

She moved off muttering to herself and I sat back, full and oh so very sleepy as George and Mr Weasley carried on talking. Perhaps it was the food, or the warmth of the evening or even just the company but my exhaustion seemed to smother me then, like I'd been bound up in a heavy blanket and I couldn't move save for the nodding of my head as I fought off sleep. At the third time of jerking my head back upright I decided that even though it was still early I really, _really_ needed to sleep.

["I know it's early, but would you mind if I went to bed now? I'm a bit tired."]

Very tired actually, I don't know why I didn't just say that. I saw George and his parents cast startled looks between them.

"What was that Non?"

There was a frown on George's face.

["I'm really tired. I need to go to sleep."]

I mean I couldn't get clearer then that right? Apparently I would need to going by the confused looks I was getting. I mean sure it was only just gone nine o'clock but it wasn't unheard of to go to bed that early.

"Do you…do you need some sleep Non?"

I turned to smile gratefully at Mr Weasley. I wasn't sure why he was asking the question given I'd already said it twice but I wasn't going to knock it.

["Oh yes please Arthur. If that's alright?"]

I cast a questioning glance at George then and he seemed completely bemused.

"Er Non, you do know that you're not-"

"Oh enough now George you can see she's nearly asleep in her seat. Follow me Non dear, I'll put you in Ginny's room."

I smiled at Mrs Weasley gratefully as I heaved myself out of my seat. Merlin every part of me felt heavy.

["Good night."]

I gave a half wave to George and Mr Weasley as I left the kitchen and followed Mrs Weasley upstairs. Ginny's room was small with a single bed resting against the far wall beneath a small window. As soon as Mrs Weasley left the room I struggled out of my clothes and into the set of pyjama top and shorts I had in my bag before I collapsed under the covers. For once, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I woke up briefly at some stage of the night as I was absolutely sweltering. I struggled for a bit to kick off the covers in an effort to cool down but after a few moments I shrugged out of my pyjama top too. I had sweated in my sleep and it was clinging horribly to my skin. As a last measure I opened up the window slightly too but it was such a still, muggy night there wasn't a breeze at all and I groaned in annoyance as I tried to bury my face into the pillow and desperately tried to fall back asleep. Which I suppose, I must have.

" _You know what to do."_

 _There was a masked figure in front of me but the voice had come from my right but I couldn't turn my head to look. I hadn't been told to do that._

Take off your clothes _._

 _There was a tiny part of me that remembered that I should try and resist this but my arms and hands were already moving. Soon I was naked. Mocking laughter rang around the room._

" _Crucio."_

 _Pain. All I could feel was pain. Shooting down every nerve ending, spasming and ripping through every muscle, every sinew, every part of me. I could hear screaming, a distant, very distant part realising that it was me screaming. My throat was raw._

" _Pay attention. See how the body contracts, how the muscles distort? You must know your subject, know how best to inflict the pain. You must_ mean _it. Again."_

" _Crucio."_

" _Again."_

" _Crucio."_

" _Again. Make her sing"_

" _CRUCIO"_

 _I felt something inside me snap. And for the first time in what must have been months I could think clearly, only to be greeted by agony. Every part of me burned in excruciating pain. I could feel myself arching from the floor, all my limbs contorted as I screamed, and screamed and screamed. My voice sounded broken. Cracking, breaking, destroyed._

 _I'm Non Llewellyn._

 _It was my last, desperate thought before I blacked out._

 _When I came to I was weighed down by something and I could hear uneven breathing, almost panting in my ear and I shuddered and turned my face away. I hurt so badly, everything hurt and it took me a long moment to realise why I couldn't move. There was someone on top of me, there were hands pawing me._

" _A filthy mudblood. Impure. Unclean. You need to be purged. From the inside out. And I'll do it. I'll coat you with my cum. How'd you like that mudblood, hmm?"_

 _He wore a mask but his eyes glittered. I felt terror like I hadn't felt since the imperius curse had been placed on me. I tried to open my mouth to plead, to beg to say no, but no sound came out. My voice was gone. I tried to struggle then but I could hardly move my limbs they were so wracked with tremors from the bouts of crucio I had been subjected to and I felt him laugh. His masked face returned to the crook of my neck as he continued to talk, his hands continuing to explore._

 _I kept my face turned in disgust, I didn't want to be conscious for this, I didn't want to acknowledge it. I was about to screw my eyes shut, to try and take myself away when they caught on something on the floor beside me. A knife. My heart stuttered. Why did he have a knife? Was raping me not bad enough was he going to torture or kill me too?_

 _I let out a heaving breath, half a sob as he chuckled again at my fear and I desperately thought what to do. I had to get him off me. I had to get him to stop. My arm reached out, slowly oh so slowly as it trembled, my muscles screaming out with pain until finally my fingers could feel it. I had the knife. It was the moment his hands reached the juncture of my thighs that I acted and on instinct. Every fibre of my being screamed out no as I used what strength I had left to swing the knife at him._

 _It had been a glancing blow and he jolted back with a howl of rage and I realised with despair that I had failed. This was it. I was done. Over. And then something hot and wet hit my face. My assailants howl turned to a gargle as he slumped over me as more and more liquid hit my face. It was coating my nose, filling my mouth and I desperately tried to spit it out. I could taste it now. It was blood. His full weight was on me, his precious pure blood life pumping out and on to me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't spit it out quick enough and I didn't have the strength to move him off me. I was drowning. I was drowning in blood._

"Non, Non wake up. You're having a nightmare. Non!"

I was choking. I was drowning, I clawed desperately at my throat as my eyes snapped open to see a figure looming over me. I shrieked with fear as my heart thumped so loudly nearly all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears.

"Non! Shhh Non it's me, it's George."

I froze, my arms still held out to defend myself as I blinked again and shivered.

"George…?"

"That's right Non. You're awake now. You're alright."

"G-George."

My voice broke as I desperately reached for him. I faintly heard him let out a startled cry before his arms wrapped around me and I took a shuddering breath. Safe, I needed to be safe. I needed to not go back to sleep. I needed someone familiar. I needed to not be alone. My eyes darted around the room behind him as I tried to convince myself I was safe in The Burrow, not stuck in some cold room with the Death Eater. The Death Eater I'd killed.

["Please don't leave George, please, please."]

I was crying in earnest now, my voice hoarse as I clung to him. There was a distant part of me watching on in horror that I was breaking down like this, in front of _George_ but it had been so long since I'd had such a vivid memory of that last part, with all of the blood. I shivered and I felt George's arms tighten around me.

There was a creak as the door open and I couldn't help the whimper that escaped me. I felt George's shoulders stiffen as he angled me so I was hidden behind his torso.

"Is everything alright?"

I let out a sigh of relief. It was only Mrs Weasley.

"Non's had a nightmare mum, a bad one. Do we have a calming draught?"

"I'm sure we've got one somewhere I'll just go and have a look."

I saw Mrs Weasley's shadow leave the door and George's arms released me although I continued to cling to him. He'd only reached for a blanket though before he draped it over my shoulders as best he could before wrapping his arms around me again. My tears were stopping now but I still couldn't breathe properly as I took gasping hiccupping gulps of air. Mrs Weasley hurried back in the room then with a small bottle in her hand.

"Here Non dear drink this, it'll help you sleep."

I froze. I couldn't go back to sleep.

["No. No please I don't want to sleep, please no."]

I tried to pull myself away from both her and George but his arms tightened around me.

"I don't think she wants to sleep mum. Here leave it with me and I'll sit with her for a bit and then see if she'll take it."

"If you're sure dear…"

Mrs Weasley didn't seem sure herself but she did leave, shutting the door quietly after her.

George moved his right arm then, keeping his left securely around me as he tried to ease the hold my arms had around his neck so he could look into my face. The terror I had been feeling was slowly leaving me but I had so much adrenaline coursing through me I couldn't stop shaking.

"Non, hey Non it's okay. You're alright. Mum's brought a calming draught, it'll help you sleep, no, no don't worry hey" he shushed me quietly as I'd started to shake my head furiously at the mention of sleep. "Look at me Non. There's nothing here that can hurt you. The calming draft will stop you having nightmares."

I tried my hardest to focus on George's face, he was very pale in what little light was coming through the window with his freckles standing out clearly, and it took a few seconds to process his words.

["No nightmares?"]

There was a light frown on his face.

"If you take this, there'll be no nightmares."

I hesitantly nodded my head in agreement. I hoped it would work, I didn't want to close my eyes and slip back into the nightmare where it left off. Merlin, I didn't want to be _alone_. I shivered again. I had been so alone back then, so very much on my own and I'd been so helpless, so horribly helpless. I'd never wanted to feel like that again but here I was. I could feel myself starting to tear up again.

["George, would you stay with me? Please?"]

I tried to look at his eyes when I spoke but all I could see was a tearful blur. I felt his hand cup my cheek as he tried to wipe some of my tears away and I blinked again to try and bring him into focus.

"What do you want Non?"

I could feel myself frowning. Hadn't I just asked? Maybe I hadn't said it out loud. I cleared my throat painfully and tried again.

["Stay with me. I'll be scared on my own. Please stay? Please?"]

"Do – do you want me to stay?"

I thought briefly that he sounded ponderous but I was so relieved I clasped him tightly around the neck again as I buried my face into his shoulder, nodding furiously and I felt him release a woosh of air.

"Of course Non I'll stay. Course I will. Here sit back a bit so you can drink it."

I reluctantly let go of him as he moved so he could sit by me on the bed and he passed me the potion bottle. My hands were shaking so badly he had to help bring the bottle to my mouth. I hesitated before I drunk to look at him again just to make certain.

["You'll stay?"]

"I'm not going anywhere."

I sniffled a bit before I tipped the bottle up to drink. It only took a few seconds for the potion to kick in and I could feel my eyelids getting heavier before finally there was blessed, blessed nothingness.

 **A/N: Hello to my readers and new followers. It's so lovely to have you all along for this journey.**

 **And a massive thanks to those of you who have reviewed. I have tried to PM you all where I could. Your words mean so much to me as a writer and encourage me so much. Thank you. I love that you are all getting Non.**

 **This chapter is a bit darker I know but I'm weirdly happy with it. I'd love to know your thoughts. It's very important from a plot perspective so if it wasn't entirely your cup of tea please stick with it. I promise there'll be more George next chapter.**

 **Diolch/Thanks for reading**

 **Yav**

 **P.S. A ctwsh (or cwtch) is Welsh for a hug. But it means a bit more than a hug. It's like a hug but better, like a safe space, a little moment of safety and love. Cwtshes are the best.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 12

The first thing I became aware of as I sluggishly started to wake up was just how _warm_ I was. I felt as though I was being slowly smothered by a heavy heated blanket and I could feel my face scrunch up in annoyance. My brain felt very slow and my left arm felt almost too heavy to lift and I gave up half way from raising it to rub at my face. Why was I feeling so disorientated?

 _It's the side effect of the calming draft Non._

Ah yes of course. But wait, what? Why had I taken a calming draft?

My nightmare. Shit, my nightmare. Memories of the night before slammed back into my brain as my eyes snapped open and I tried to sit upright, only to find I was pinned to the bed. Panic surged through me. Why couldn't I move? Was I trapped? My heart felt like it was going to explode and I took big gulps of air into my chest as my mind continued to race. I wasn't warm any more in fact I felt cold, the icy terror from last night settling over me once more as I tried to focus on the pattern on the wall paper in front of me.

 _It's daylight Non, and you're in Ginny's room._

So there were no death eaters. Nothing could get me here. I tried to calm my breathing but when that wouldn't work I decided to focus on physical sensations to try and ground myself even as I continued to try and shift to sit up. I started with my feet. My legs were stretched out but they were tangled up with something warm and hairy…

 _What the hell?_

George. Fuck I'd forgotten about George. Sweet Helga I'd asked him to stay. Fuck, he'd seen me being absolutely hysterical. I turned my face into the pillow to stifle a groan of dismay. How absolutely, utterly and completely mortifying and he was apparently still here. Shit.

Now that I had pieced that part of my memory back I could tell then that my legs were tangled with George's. I turned my face to the side again and glanced down and could see a large freckled forearm wrapped around my waist, his hand resting on the bed nestled just beneath my breasts. My erratic breathing finally stopped. In fact I think for a moment I stopped breathing completely. I finally realised where the warmth was coming from. It was coming from George. I could feel his whole torso against the length of my back, each rise and fall of his chest, and there was a faint tickle on the back of my neck that I realised was caused by his breathing.

 _I'm being spooned by George Weasley_.

My mind skittered away from that thought and I tried to see if I could relax my muscles. I had tensed on waking and the residual fear from my nightmare was still lingering. I shifted my right arm uncomfortably. I'd fallen asleep on my right side it seemed but my arm was resting above my head and my hand was- . I froze. My hand was holding a hand. My fingers were interlinked with other fingers. My fingers were so tense I was squeezing said other hand. Which of course was George's. I immediately relaxed my fingers only to feel his hand squeeze mine back.

Oh shit, did that mean he was awake? My breathing was shallow again and I tried so hard to make it even, to at least pretend to be asleep in case he had woken up but my body was betraying me. I had so much adrenaline and fear in my system I couldn't stop my limbs starting to tremble and I cursed silently. It's not like I could even pretend it was because I was cold.

"Non."

George's voice was thick with sleep and I felt my name rumble from his chest right through my back and I shivered. The arm on my waist tightened and he squeezed my right hand once before he let it go and I felt him shift, his legs untangling from mine as he moved. There was a long silence until finally I worked up the courage to crack an eye open and I tilted my head slightly to see George looking down at me. I offered a pained smile before my eyes darted away. How on earth was I supposed to act?

"Um, hi."

I couldn't hide a wince at how my voice sounded. It was scratchy and raw and that could only mean one thing – I must have been actually screaming in my sleep as my nightmare unfolded.

"You alright?"

I managed another quick glance as my brain processed the question. No, I was not alright. And I really didn't like George looming over me. Okay, alright he wasn't looming, he was literally just sitting up on the bed but I didn't like that I was lying down almost beneath him. Not with my nightmare still so recent.

"I-I just need to sit up."

My arms fumbled slightly, my limbs still feeling weirdly heavy even as they trembled before I managed to sit up and scoot myself to sit back against the headboard. I drew my knees to me and clasped my arms around them to stop the shaking. I steeled myself as I felt George shift on the bed to sit next to me before I looked at him.

He was sat up against the headboard also but he'd moved one of the pillows to sit across his lap as he played with the edging on the pillow case. I finally looked up to his face to meet his eyes. They were slightly puffy with sleep and they looked a darker brown than normal in the dim light of Ginny's room but they were focused on me intently and I swallowed nervously. George seemed to give everything he focused on his absolute attention and I didn't like the feeling when that attention was focused on me.

"I'm sorry."

I saw a frown appear on his face as he shook his head slowly.

"What on earth for?"

"For – for disturbing you with my nightmare. For asking you to stay. I-I don't normally need that."

"How often do people see you having a nightmare?"

"Never if I can help it."

Shit, that came out a bit more bitter than I'd intended.

"Sorry George, I just…I just feel a bit humiliated. I'd have rather you didn't see me like that."

Oh God and I did. Feel humiliated that is. I was getting more and more snatches back from last night, reliving just how desperate I'd felt to not be alone, how much it's literally clung to George and I had to suppress a cringe. I thought I'd gotten over that a long time ago, after all I'd learnt the hard way that that the best person to look out for me was me myself. I hadn't needed anyone to be there, not for a long time.

"I think most people feel like that after a nightmare Non. I know I do."

His words jolted me out of my inner ramblings.

"You get nightmares too?"

I couldn't believe it.

"Sometimes. Not often. Not anymore anyway."

A part of me wanted to ask about them, but I worried if I did he'd ask me to talk about mine and I didn't want to discuss it at all.

"I don't get them all that much anymore either. Or at least…not so bad. Just. Well. Azkaban."

I finished with a shrug. I mean it had to have been because of my stay at the prison it was so vivid, nothing else had happened to trigger it.

"It's that bad there?"

"Sometimes. It's just the place itself. So much evil's happened there…" I trailed off as a shiver crossed over my shoulders. "It should never have been re-opened after You Know Who fell. Not after what happened to the muggle borns there."

"You lost someone?"

Damn I thought I'd managed to keep the wobble out of my voice when I'd spoken but clearly not.

"Didn't everyone?"

I flung the question out but George just looked at me until I couldn't stand it any longer.

"One of my best friends. Chloe. She's buried there."

I didn't dare look at George. I didn't want to see if he pitied me. I felt awful enough as it was.

"I'm sorry."

His voice was quiet and I just inclined my head in understanding, my eyes fixed on the top of my knees. Despite the awkward conversation I was starting to feel calmer and my tremors had finally stopped. In the daylight, I could try and force myself to believe that my nightmare was just that – a nightmare. It had never happened. After all, I'd had a lot of practice.

"Thank you George." I tilted my head to the side to look at him and I saw him furrow his brow in confusion. "For staying with me. I – I don't like that I had to ask but it helped. You staying. I – I needed you to."

I winced as the words left me but I wouldn't take them back; they were true. A crooked smile appeared on George's face.

"I don't like that you had a nightmare so bad you had to ask. But I'm glad I could help."

Merlin, I was still so embarrassed. We still hardly knew each other and I'd had to get him to help me like this. I mean when I thought back on it he'd now seen me throw up, pass out drunk and now be hysterical after a nightmare. He must think he's landed an absolute nut job. Realising he was still looking at me I managed a stiff nod before I shifted uncomfortably.

"Um I think I'm going to go shower before breakfast. That okay?"

"Yeah of course."

He didn't move out of the way though and I frowned slightly. I needed him to move so I could get out of the bed. After a couple seconds pause I moved to edge down to the far end of the bed so I could get out of it without clambering over him.

I turned back to him as I got to the door, I wasn't even sure what I was going to say when my eyes caught on the window which was slightly open. Of course I'd opened it last night when I'd woken up too hot right after I'd…

My thoughts stuttered.

Shit, I'd opened it right after I'd taken off my pyjama top hadn't I? I glanced down at myself in confusion. But I was wearing my pyjama top. Had I dreamt that part? But then how was the window open? Oh God, had I been topless when George woke me? I flushed.

 _Please, please, please no._

"You alright Non?"

I started at his voice.

"Oh I'm fine. Completely fine. Just a random thought."

I gave a nervous chuckle as I quickly exited the room. I couldn't possibly have been topless. I'd have realised that surely. Besides it didn't explain how I was wearing my pyjama top now anyway. I felt a bit reassured now and hurried to the bathroom. No point tormenting myself when it hadn't happened.

I got showered and dressed as quickly as I could before I hesitantly made my way to the kitchen where Mrs Weasley I swear was just waiting to pounce on me. I ate the biggest breakfast I think I'd ever had as she fretted over the state of my voice and insisted on my drinking a concoction of hot water, honey and lemon. She seemed to think I'd picked up a sore throat from Azkaban. I knew the drink would have no effect on the sound of my voice but I dutifully drank it anyway. She was just trying to force a second round of bacon on my when George made his appearance, his hair still damp from his shower and stood up on end, an effect of attempting to towel dry it I imagined.

He quickly ate his own breakfast before suggesting we make our way down to the village. Our walk there was a bit awkward, I was still feeling very embarrassed about my nightmare and reaction but George seemed more than happy to carry most of the conversation, telling me story after story of mainly his and Fred's escapades into the village as they were growing up.

"Wait hold on, you mean you guys didn't go to school before Hogwarts?"

We had spent an hour or so wondering around the village, which was a sleepy place with a tiny village shop and a lovely tea room, and were just starting to loop back to head on back to The Burrow.

"No Mum taught all of us to read and write and stuff at home. I mean that's what most magical families do."

I paused at that. I hadn't realised that at all. I guess with my dad being a muggle born wizard and my mam a muggle there were moments sometimes when I realised that I still had a lot to learn about the magical world. I scuffed my feet a bit as we walked along.

"I didn't know that," I finally admitted, "I figured all kids went to a school before Hogwarts. That's what seemed to happen to most in Hufflepuff. I went to the local muggle school myself."

"Oh yeah, what was that like?"

"It was fun. It was nice to be around other kids. Where I grew up our house was really remote and I couldn't invite muggle friends back because of the dragons so school was a chance to have people to play with."

"Dragons? What do you mean dragons?"

I shot George a confused frown. Surely I'd already told him I lived near the reserve, hadn't I?

"Oh I grew up by Ynys Hir Dragon Reserve. I mean I still live by there. Not in the same house though, a different one but it's still on the border of it."

I realised I was starting to babble a bit so quickly shut up.

"Oh so that's what you and Charlie were speaking about when he was visiting?"

"Yeah that's right."

And Gruffudd. But I wasn't going to mention him.

George nodded his understanding before coming to a stop, as he gazed around him and a grin appeared on his face.

"Here, follow me, we'll take the scenic route back."

His grabbed my arm just above my elbow as he pulled me behind him to stop off the road and on to a near invisible track and he shot a smile at me over his shoulder.

"If I'd known you grew up around ruddy _dragons_ I'd never have taken you on the boring way into the village. This way back is much more fun!"

I cast a slightly alarmed look at him but he'd already turned to face forward again so he missed it. After a while the track widened slightly and George finally let go of my arm as I followed him. I mean I had to admit, the way back _was_ more interesting. It just meant climbing over numerous fences and through hedges and jumping over streams and doing our very best to avoid a bog. I loved it. We had just finished scrambling down a steepish ravine where there was a larger stream, not quite a river, at its base. I eyed up the distance before jumping over and starting to climb back up the other side when I realised George wasn't following. I paused to look back at him. He was standing back by the stream and staring down at his hand.

"Hey George, you alright?"

I was feeling much more comfortable around him now which I was happy about, not perfectly at ease but my awkwardness had at least lessened. He glanced up at me as though startled from his thoughts as he ran his hand through his hair before he shrugged slightly.

"Yeah, just a random thought. Anyway, race you to the top?"

He'd walked until he was level with me as he was speaking but as soon as he finished his question he had immediately started to clamber up the hill. I let out a slightly indignant squawk before I raced after him and despite the fact I knew this whole race was childish I couldn't help my huff of annoyance as he beat me to the top.

"It's just because your legs are longer."

I muttered it grumpily to myself but he must have heard as he reached out to tweak the end of my hair.

"Now now Non, don't be a sore loser."

I stuck my tongue out at him because I was mature like that. George laughed before gesturing to a large tree that was off to one side.

"Here climb this with me. We used to come here all the time to hide out when Mum was angry with us."

Going by George's family stories from the day I knew by this point that whenever he said we he meant him and Fred.

"When you say angry do you mean whenever yours and Fred's mischief had gone too far?"

George shot me an angelic smile.

"I don't know what you mean."

Merlin, he must have been impossible to tell off as a child and I snorted a half laugh at his response. It didn't take us long to climb the tree. It was a perfect one for climbing really, with branches at all the right places although I imagined for young kids it would have been a struggle. About half way up the branches were thick enough and split off in such a way from the tree that they made perfect seats; one branch to sit on as another branch supported your back.

"I come here to think when I need to."

I smiled at George's words as I glanced out at the view. You could see right across the countryside. Most of it was flat around here but there were hidden dips, like the small ravine we'd just clambered through, and I liked seeing it all spread out in front of us a bit like a picnic blanket but full of bumps and hidden pockets. It was nice.

"You like it?"

I glanced at George and smiled.

"Yeah it's nice here. It's peaceful."

He hummed in agreement. We sat in silence for a while and for a change it wasn't awkward and I was content to just sit there and not think. It was rare I got a moment like that and even weirder that I could manage it even with George next to me. For once my anxiety wasn't in control.

"Hey Non do – do you mind if I ask you something? About your nightmare?"

I tensed immediately. So much for peace.

"What did you want to know?"

"It's just you screamed, only a bit," I must have pulled a face because George almost tripped over his words as he rushed on, "But it sounded like you hurt and then when I couldn't wake you I was worried. Do you remember any of it?"

"Only a bit."

"You're lying."

I paused. He hadn't phrased that as a question and I turned my head to look at him. His jaw was clenched though I couldn't tell if he was angry or not.

"I am." I mean, I couldn't deny it not when he was calling it out so blatantly. "There's some things you just don't need to know George."

"Don't you ever talk about them?"

"Not if I can help it. I mean, do you like talking about yours?"

"No one ever asks about mine."

I paused and I felt myself frowning. I felt oddly wrong footed even though I was sitting.

"Do you want me to ask about yours?"

My question was slow, ponderous and I couldn't read his face at all.

"Only if you want to, Non."

His voice was so quiet that I had to strain to hear him. I didn't say anything else though. I didn't know him well enough and it was like I'd thought earlier, if he told me about his I'd feel obliged to tell him about mine and that was a whole conversation that I _never_ wanted to happen. We both settled back into silence again, a bit more strained this time and I gazed unseeingly out in front of me. I wasn't even really sure what I was thinking when a faint buzzing reached my ears and I glanced nervously around. What if there was a wasps nest in the tree? Instead I spotted a doxy flying right towards my face and I jerked back so suddenly I nearly unseated myself from the tree.

George was chortling by me as he used his wand to direct the Doxy until with one final swish it settled into his hand and he held it out towards me. As I righted myself in my seat I shuffled over to get a closer look and saw that it was not in fact a real Doxy but a toy but it was remarkably life like.

"Wow George, this one of your new inventions?"

"Yeah, kids seem to love things like this. Plus it's handy to scare people."

"You don't say…" I trailed off as I shot him a half-hearted glare but he just laughed at me.

"C'mon Non Non, lets head back home, I reckon it's about time for lunch."

I rolled my eyes slightly but I let a smile cross my face as he clambered down the tree below me and I quickly moved to follow.

Lunch was much the same as breakfast with Mrs Weasley trying to force seconds and even thirds on me but it was still nice even if I did have to clamp down on a surge of jealousy as George was talking through one of his latest inventions with Mr Weasley. Aside from Beckett, I couldn't recall a time since school that I'd really had an adult to talk things through with and Beckett hardly counted.

 _Non, you_ are _an adult now._

I had to suppress a scowl at my own thought. Sometimes I really didn't feel like it, I felt more like I was just guessing my way through everything. And by adult really I suppose I meant someone who was my parents age. My peers didn't exactly count either.

Thinking of my parents then reminded me again of what I needed to do today and I wondered just how I was going to announce that I needed to make a move. Just how long of today did George want me to spend with him? I tried to give him a surreptitious glance from the corner of my eye but he was still deep in discussion with his father.

"So Non when are you next in work?"

I froze in my unsuccessful stealth staring and swivelled my eyes forward to see Mrs Weasley had sat in the chair opposite me, mug of tea in hand as she pushed another steaming cup toward me and I could see the dishes from lunch busy washing themselves in the background. I gratefully accepted the cup and shifted slightly in my seat, a bit uncomfortable that her bright and beady gaze was directed straight at me.

"Not until Tuesday Molly, we always get a couple of days off after we've been guarding at Azkaban thankfully."

I don't think I would ever feel natural calling her Molly. It was just weird. Her face pinched slightly at the mention of the prison and her lips pressed tightly together for a moment before an almost forced smile appeared on her face.

"Well that's good dear, what are you planning to do with your time off?"

I thought for a moment how best to answer. Probably best not to say I was going to visit my parents graves as that seemed a bit too morbid to share, and besides I liked keeping that part of my life private. I needed to write up my report from Azkaban too and check in to see if Morris had sent in his report on the fish yet. I'd almost forgotten about that due to my nightmare but the slightly unsettled feeling that there was something obvious about the fish that I was missing had started up again and I couldn't ignore it. Almost too late I realised that Mrs Weasley was still waiting for an answer.

"Oh um, just gardening and house things I suppose. I need to get everything sorted before my next shift rota starts."

"You like gardening?"

My eyes darted to the side at George's voice to see that both he and Mr Weasley were now paying attention to me and I had to fight against squirming under the full attention of everyone.

"Uh yeah. I've got like a muggle section to work over and then I keep all the magical plants in my greenhouse."

I got a small smile in response but it was oddly passive and in fact really he was wearing a very closed off expression and I inwardly cringed. There's me, Non Llewellyn and at twenty one years old the only thing I can say I like doing on my day off is bloody _gardening_. He must think I'm boring as hell.

"Will you not be practicing any of your music Non?"

Mr Weasley's cheerful face smiled at me from the end of the table and I again fought against squirming in my seat as I recalled me technically not a lie to Aunt Muriel.

"Oh…maybe. I've not practiced in a while so perhaps I will."

And by in a while I mean years but he didn't need to know that. George shifted in his seat beside me and I risked a quick glance to see a very faint frown on his face and I had the absurd urge to change my answer. Shit, did he know I wasn't telling the truth? He had known when I lied earlier.

"Damn I've just remembered I need to go and pick something up for Fred."

George was still frowning even as he sent a lopsided apologetic smile my way and I had to suppress a frown of my own. Was he just saying that because he wanted to go, wanted _me_ to go too because he was annoyed with me? Or did he genuinely have something to do?

"Sorry Non, I'm going to have to head off early, you don't mind?"

Why on earth was he asking _me_? I was the one taking advantage of his and his parents hospitality.

"No don't be daft. I mean I've loads of interesting things to do. You know, like _laundry_."

I pulled an exaggerated face as I said it hoping to make it clear that I was joking and I felt a surge of relief when he smiled.

"Right okay then, I'll walk you out as I leave. Thanks for the food Mum." He'd stood as he was talking and gave Mrs Weasley a one armed squeeze of farewell, "Bye Dad."

Mr Weasley waved the both of us goodbye while Mrs Weasley fussed over what food George could take with him and I wasn't quick enough to avoid being smothered in a hug before she forced a bottle of some honey concoction at me.

"For your voice dear, I mean honestly you really should have let me give you some Pepper Up potion."

I waved away her concerns but thanked her as sincerely as I could for her gift before another round of goodbye's were said and George led me out the front door. There was a beat of silence as we made our way down the Weasley drive.

"So, when _is_ the last time you practiced your music?"

Ah shit. He'd known I was lying. I bit my lip before casting him a nervous look.

"Honestly? I can't really remember. It's been years though."

"How come?"

We'd come to a stop at the usual point where I tended to apparate away from.

"I just don't enjoy it anymore."

It was as truthful an answer I was prepared to give. In reality I didn't play because it reminded me too much of my mam. It reminded me of a time when I had loved it, especially the piano, but the Non of that time didn't really exist anymore. Or certainly that's how I felt. It was like an emotional punch to the chest just reminding me of a time that was so much _better_ than things were now, and an acknowledgement that I could never go back to when things were good. When things were right. It just upset me to play any of the instruments that I could so I'd stopped.

"Do you still sing?"

I startled badly at his question as he snapped me out of my thoughts and he frowned at my reaction.

"I mean, you were in the choir at school right?"

I gaped at him scandalised before I cast a panicked look around with the absurd notion that someone could overhear us.

"Who told you that?!"

His eyebrows shot up.

"You don't like people knowing you were in the choir?"

No of course I didn't! Merlin it was one of the un-coolest clubs to have been a part of it wasn't exactly something to brag about. Besides choir in school had been…intense. The inter house rivalries especially between Slytherin and Ravenclaw had often landed students in the hospital wing. Most people who were part of the choir tended to be given a wide berth. Okay, maybe I was overreacting but really, I had been so obsessed with it in school I just felt rather embarrassed about it all now. When I should have been prepping for the war instead Chloe and I and our other best friend Anna had all been doing everything we could to prevent that awful Umbridge cowbag from shutting us down. Talk about getting my priorities wrong.

I realised George was still waiting for an answer.

"Well it's just that I'm pretty sure that knowledge has cancelled out all the cool points I get for being an auror."

I half grumbled that to myself and he chortled at me and I unsuccessfully tried to hide a scowl.

"Seriously though, who told you?"

"Oh I never reveal my sources."

My eyes narrowed and he out right smirked at me.

"We'll see."

A spark of challenge seemed to leap into George's eyes as he took a step closer to me.

"Going to try and get me to confess?"

"Oh no, nothing so easy as that."

I waved a hand dismissively and it was my turn to smirk as his eyes narrowed.

"Process of elimination George. And I've already narrowed it down to a top five."

"If you guess it right I'll give you a prize."

"Will I like said prize?"

I'd heard too many stories from Ginny and Ron not to be suspicious, a fact that was solidified as a slightly wicked grin split across his face.

"Maybe."

I just shook my head at him with a half-smile.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?"

He nodded in agreement but still didn't move from where he was stood in front of me and I shifted awkwardly, especially when he leaned in slightly.

"This is the part where friends hug goodbye."

His half whisper was followed up by a wink and I tried to hide my embarrassment with an eye roll but I felt slightly flushed and his widening grin said that he'd noticed.

"Oh, right."

I hesitated. I didn't really do hugging except with Luna and Hermione and I didn't think the Mrs Weasley ones counted.

"You know I'm not really a hugger."

I shifted from foot to foot as I gazed at him apprehensively. I mean how was I supposed to hug him anyway? Arms around the waist or around the shoulders?

"I am."

A slight shrug of his shoulders was all the warning I had before he enveloped me in a bear hug and I could feel his laughter at the involuntary squeak of surprise that issued from me. I brought my arms up hesitantly. Around the waist it was. He granted me one extra squeeze before he let me go and stepped back.

"Bye Non."

And before I could blink he had apparated away with a crack. I stood still for a few moments before I shook myself, drew my wand and apparated home myself.

Although this time I went to my _home_ home. The home where I had grown up. I glanced briefly at the house. From one side it looked completely undamaged but as I walked through the overgrown vegetation that was slowly taking over the building and headed towards where the back garden used to be the damage became apparent.

A huge chunk of the rear wall was missing as was a gaping part of the back of the roof. A lot of our family items had been lost. Not just in the blast that had caused the damage itself but afterwards when the elements and weather had set in. I'd been gone so long after my parents had died that I hadn't been able to salvage a lot. If it hadn't been for Mr Jones from Ynys Hir I would have lost even more of the items than I had.

My mind was jumping from thought to thought as the door in my mind that led to my parents creaked open and memory after memory bombarded me. I didn't really like coming back here. Whilst I had a whole lifetime of happy memories from this place, so happy that it hurt to recall them, it was also the scene of my parents deaths and who the hell wanted to return to a place like that? But it's where Mr Jones had put my parents' grave, so here it was I came.

It was placed down at the foot of the garden and I pushed my way through the long grass which even by this time in the early afternoon some patches were still wet with dew and I could feel it seeping in to my trousers.

When I reached the bottom of the garden I was pleased to see that my charms to keep this section permanently maintained was still working. The gravestone was still clear, still showing in its bold print their names ' **Geraint and Mali Llewellyn'**. I swallowed thickly as I read it before I sank slowly to the ground to sit.

I must have sat there for hours. Hundreds of thoughts passed through my mind and sometimes no thoughts at all as I gazed unseeing at the stone. I cried, but only silently, the steady trickle of tears as opposed to the raking sobs of grief for which I was grateful. The dull pain I seemed to always feel at their absence became sharper, stronger and the sheer feeling of _missing_ them was nearly overwhelming me. And underneath it all was a current that felt slightly like panic, that building sensation of fear like when you are small and have gone shopping with your parents only to lose them in the crowd. To start with you are fine but as the seconds and then minutes tick by and you cannot find them the horrible mantra of _I'm lost_ starts to play over and over in your head. I tried to force that feeling back down but sometimes I thought it felt like it never truly left me. My parents had been the bedrock of my life, my building blocks, my steadying hand. Without them I'd spiralled into a free fall and even now when I knew I'd worked so hard to carve myself out some footholds sometimes I had the horrible sensation it would take just one sudden strong gust of wind to send me spiralling again. I was like a house of cards just ready to fall.

I wiped the tears off my face tiredly as I shook my head at myself. I'd been sat here too long. I was getting too morbid. I climbed slowly to my feet and saw with some confusion that dusk was falling. I really had been here too long.

I cast one last lingering glance towards the grave before I drew my wand slowly through the air and set the bouquet of daffodils in front of the stone. A Welsh cliché perhaps but we loved that flower for a reason. I turned my back on them and walked away.

My Monday was swallowed up by house chores and passed far too quickly for my liking, although I was pleased my short list of five blabber mouths to George had been narrowed down to three, and before I knew it I was trudging back into the aurors office to see a glum looking Harry stood by his desk.

"What's up Harry?"

He started slightly before he let out a tired sigh but he smiled his thanks as I brought a mug of tea over to him and he gestured unhappily at the memo in his hand before passing it to me and I grimaced.

"One on one meetings with Beckett? That doesn't sound good."

That was in fact highly unusual. I mean I'd had my fair share the last year or so but that's because I hadn't been well and there's been legitimate reasons. Usually when Beckett wanted to talk, or well bellow at us, he did it in groups. I figured it was just to save his voice.

"No and that's not all. We still haven't had our new recruits. Not the ones to train this year nor the ones that should have passed their training last year."

Weirder and weirder. Also just plain wrong. We were short staffed for Helga's sake, we needed them.

"Llewellyn!"

I was actually quite proud of myself that I didn't spill me tea this time and I turned slowly to see Beckett's glowering face looking out around his office door.

"Get in here."

I had to hide a scowl as I shared a look of misery with Harry before I trudged towards Beckett's office but not before hastily making him a mug of coffee. Wouldn't hurt to take a peace offering it seemed given the mood he seemed to be in. I hesitantly stepped around the door.

"Sit."

I sat. And then I waited. Beckett was scowling at the piece of parchment in front of him but it was too far away for me to be able to sneak a glance at what was written. As though guessing my thoughts his gaze snapped to my face and I stilled. There was something about his accusing glare that always made me feel guilty. After a long moment he let out a sigh.

"Relax Llwewllyn you aren't in trouble."

I let my shoulders relax slightly but I couldn't help but think he had tactfully left off a 'this time' at the end of his words.

"What's going on Beckett?"

A half smile half grimace crossed his face as he leant back and assessed me further.

"You tell me. I've read your report from Azkaban."

I sat to attention at that.

"Has Morris' report come through?"

"It has. Although I have to warn you not many take him seriously given his injuries."

"But you do?"

I gazed at him intently. It was important to know whether Beckett thought the words of Clive Morris had worth otherwise it would be pointless for me wasting time getting copy reports from him that would in effect be useless.

"I do. And I'll give you the report later after I've read through it. What I want to know is this; what do _you_ think is going on?"

I thought quickly trying to gather my thoughts.

"I've only got the beginnings of an idea. I just know that there is experimental magic going on and that it seems to be utilising a huge source of power or energy and that it's dangerous. All of the experimental sites are coastal. I have no idea why one has appeared on Azkaban but it's a concern."

I hesitated.

"Go on."

"We've got a new criminal gang headed by a wizard in a mask that's smuggling illegal goods into the markets at an alarming rate."

I bit my lip.

"And?"

"We keep getting maintenance problems with some of the shields and wards at Azkaban."

"And?"

I frowned

"It's just that none of them make sense. We have unexplained magic that's powerful enough to murder, shields failing that never should and a criminal gang that has extreme access to the markets that really seems to imply they are having inside help…"

I trailed off as the words left my mouth but I didn't want to take them back. Despite all of the notices we'd put out against the illegal contraband more and more of it was making it out to the magical populace. They had to be getting help from _somewhere_. I didn't think it would be from the auror department, our checks were too thorough, but that didn't mean that there wasn't someone in the _Ministry_ capable of lending a helping hand to crime. I frowned again.

"Well here's my task for you Llewellyn; make it make sense."

I gaped at him.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You have shown an intense dislike for things that don't conform to how you believe they should work. These things don't make sense? Find out why. Work it out. Come back to me with the answers."

I was dumbfounded.

"What, just me?"

He narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

"Yes."

How on earth was I supposed to do that? Investigate three things where we were at dead ends currently with all of them anyway?

"But what about the new recruits? And the new graduates to join our team? I thought this time of year was dedicated to them."

"Oh and you think crimes and criminals happily stop to allow us that opportunity do you?"

I flushed slightly at his scathing tone and shook my head. I bloody knew that, I should have thought more carefully before speaking.

"We have no new recruits this year Llewellyn. Stent and Proctor have allocated the graduates to their teams. Do you understand?"

I stilled in my seat as I searched his face. No new recruits? That was disastrous given the shortage of staff we currently had. But I mean why _were_ we so short staffed? I filed that away as another question I needed answering. My mind switched then to think on Stent and Proctor. They were the two other senior aurors who combined with Beckett made a joint head of department. Stent was in charge of those that protected ministry officials and Proctor ran the Azkaban section. I knew Azkaban had been short staffed lately too but I couldn't see any reason at all why more aurors were needed to protect Ministry officials. In my view hardly any of them needed protection in the first place.

I thought again over Beckett's words. Stent and Proctor had done the allocating. Which meant that Beckett had been voted down. Which was ridiculous. The investigations department was the most important, or well jointly with the Azkaban team, and it was absurd we weren't getting the new graduates. There was politics at play here.

"I understand."

I could see the tension ease from Beckett's shoulders and a smile attempted to fight its way over his scarred face.

"You have a role to play Llewellyn. Stent and Proctor will be more…visible from now on. Don't let them know how good you are."

I clenched my jaw in annoyance even as I felt a small thrill of pride that he thought I was good.

"You want me to play the fool?"

"A lot of people are prejudiced Llewellyn."

I stilled completely and narrowed my eyes as my thoughts raced. I opened my mouth again a couple of times but there was a warning in Beckett's gaze not to question – not to argue and I managed to hold my protestations back and nodded my head stiffly. I knew what he meant.

I involuntarily recalled Aunt Muriel's attitude to Wales and the Welsh and I had to fight against grinding my teeth. There were unfortunately other English people that shared her view and I guessed Stent and Proctor were some of them. Most English people were lovely but some…let's just say it was an attitude I'd encountered at the Ministry before. The other prejudice I guessed would be my gender. I was female. I was petite. I was softly spoken. I was the opposite of everything that an auror was thought of as being. There were still many that seemed to want it to be an all wizards club. Merlin this was going to hurt. It was going to go against everything I stood for and Beckett knew it.

"That'll be all Llewellyn. You know what you've got to do. Send Potter in will you?"

And just like that I was dismissed. I rose slowly and cast him one last look.

"Don't even think about arguing."

I bristled.

"I wasn't going to argue. I just wanted to clarify some things…"

I trailed off at the ugly look that crossed my superiors face and I quickly ducked out the room. I decided it was best to ignore the _thunk_ of whatever projectile he'd thrown at me as it hit the back of the hastily shut door.

"He wants to see you Harry."

I ignored his curious glance as I settled at my desk and rand slightly trembling hands through my hair. I knew some weird things had been brewing but this was something else. No trainees, no new recruits, three mysteries to solve and Merlin save us office politics thrown in. And that was without the problem of the ever elusive Rabastan Lestrange who was still at large. My eyes automatically sought out his name on the notice board before quickly looking away.

 _And all of this with bugger all staff to work with._

I frowned. Well first things first, let's work out just _why_ that is. I unrolled a fresh sheet of parchment, and I got to work.

 **A/N: Hello lovely readers.**

 **As ever thank you so much to those that have taken the time to review – I have replied via PM where I could. Your words mean so much, seriously thank you.**

 **I hope you all enjoyed this instalment I'd love to know what you think.**

 **Diolch/Thanks,**

 **Yav**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine. Nor for the purposes of this chapter do I own anything by Roald Dahl or Richard Adams.

Chapter 13

It was Thursday by the time I got my hands on the report from Morris and I scowled as I read the cover of the package.

' _To the French Auror with sad eyes'_

And then scrawled underneath was NON.

I mean honestly. I was most definitely _not_ French and I did not for the love of Merlin and Helga have sad eyes. No wonder people didn't take Morris seriously.

I brightened afterwards though after I read through his report; it was excellent. Fully detailed noting the location of the discovery specifically its distance from the shore and proximity to the prison building itself (worryingly close) as well as the time and weather conditions. He'd added a few new scribbled comments underneath but they didn't seem connected at all and I frowned lightly before grabbing a fresh sheet of parchment and a quill to compose a message back. If I could set up a link of my own with someone on Azkaban that was all to the good. I hadn't forgotten the anti muggle born comments I'd heard there even though I'd held back on telling Beckett about them for now. Certainly there was a shift in attitude and if Morris could keep me in the loop then all to the better. I'd have to be careful though, I didn't want to make him feel he was ratting out his colleagues.

After I'd finished I sent the letter to the outgoing pile with a casual flick of my wand and I was just reaching for my notes on the staffing levels when a bellow erupted from Beckett's room and I glanced at his door in alarm. I didn't have to wait long until his door banged open and I hunkered down in my desk behind the partition divide in the hopes he wouldn't spot me.

"Where are Potter and Weasley?"

An irritated hiss from above me showed my attempts were futile.

"Monitoring the warehouse I think. That or out on a case. There a problem?"

I smothered an innocent smile on my face as Beckett shot me a nasty look before jabbing a finger in my face.

"Less of your cheek. And _yes_ there's a problem. They're in the bloody paper again and that Skeeter woman has gotten more information about the Task murder."

I couldn't hide a wince. That was bad.

"How many times do I have to ruddy well tell them to stay out of the press unless ordered to give an interview!"

I had to bite back my reply. If any words would tip Beckett over the edge it would be these three: _the golden trio_. I mean it was obvious why the press were always after Harry and Ron for comment, they were guaranteed to boost reader numbers and whilst Harry could normally be counted on to avoid the press like the plague Ron still sometimes liked the attention. I blinked back into focus at a second jab towards my face from Beckett's finger.

"You're marrying a Weasley aren't you?"

I gaped at him in outrage.

"Not by choice!"

Beckett laughed, he actually laughed and I gazed at him slightly horrified.

"You keep out of the press do you hear me. No parading around with your famous husband. We're supposed to be working on covert operations here, I can't have my team plastered all over the Prophet."

I think he was waiting for me to answer back but I was still too floored by the word _husband_ to formulate any reply. He eventually grunted at me and turned to stomp back to his room muttering under his breath words that suspiciously sounded like 'stupid girl' and I glared half-heartedly at his back. Trust me to be on the end of his outburst instead of Ron and Harry. And I mean really it's like he didn't know me at all. What on earth would I be going anywhere near the press for? And it's not like I ever socialised in large public gatherings anyway.

"Someone's stupid but it's not me."

I muttered to myself as I smoothed out the parchment in front of me. I'd made a current list of aurors as well as the retirements from the last four years. What alarmed me was that with each year since the war that passed the retirement, or in some cases career changes, had rocketed. I chewed my lip in thought. What I really was wondering, although I knew it was fuelled by my own hatred of the place, was what if there was a link of some sort between the retirement rate and the time we started guarding at Azkaban?

For me to try and figure that out though I would need auror records from before the war _and_ I would need staffing records for Azkaban. I didn't have any business in requesting either and I frowned. I suppose I could put in for an information request but any pre-war information needed you to jump through several hoops before it was released given the fact there were still numerous inquests on going. And the staffing records for Azkaban…that was Auror Proctor's domain and my asking for it would not only get me in trouble but it would like land Beckett in hot water too. But now that I'd thought about it I couldn't ignore it.

The best people I suppose I could ask advice from for the pre-war records would be Percy and Audrey. Audrey really, she was much sneakier than Percy and likely to know the loopholes in the administration process. I'd have to drop her an owl.

"Ah there you are Llewellyn!"

A snappy, pompous voice, Merlin did he know that I'd literally just thought of him?

"Alright Weasley?"

I eyed Percy slightly nervously before glancing around the room. There were about five other aurors here so it was time to continue our Ministry façade. It was also I realised the first time we'd interacted since our conversation to agree to become friends again. I still felt so badly that I hadn't realised we even were, and that I'd missed their wedding because of it. I must have been looking guilty because he just shook his head at me slightly.

"Fine thank you, fine. You know how things are. Look I know you've been frightfully busy lately but Audrey and I feel that we are long overdue a catch up with you so you're invited to dinner this Friday, six o'clock."

I blinked. Typical Percy. I wondered if he regretted having to put on his pompous act all of the time but I could see the corner of his mouth trying not to twitch into a smile so perhaps not.

"I've a prior engagement to get to for about ten o'clock that evening but I am available before then. I'd love to come."

I finished shyly as I ducked my head. Perhaps we really could get a fresh start at our friendship.

"Ten o'clock?"

Percy sounded alarmed and I leant closer so I could whisper.

"Girls night, Ginny's orders."

He rolled his eyes in response before he straightened up.

"Excellent Llewellyn I'll let Audrey know."

"Perfect, see you tomorrow Weasley."

I watched absentmindedly as he strode from the room my mind flicking back to the letters I'd received that morning. One had been form Luna explaining she was off to Finland for the next two weeks and that she was sorry she hadn't been able to see me. She had apparently been having lunches with Ron and I bit back a slight smirk. I couldn't wait for my next shift with him to see if I could find out how they'd been going.

The second letter had been from Ginny. I'd hardly seen her for the last fortnight either as the Quidditch season had started again and she was back training five days a week with her first game being on Sunday. Because she trained up in Holyhead though it was just a short apparition jump to get to mine so she'd announced to Hermione and I to expect her late on Friday for a catch up.

Even two months ago I would have refused her, pleading I was too exhausted from work. It had been an excuse then and whilst it was a legitimate reason now I was determined to see her. Despite all of the stressful situations I had found myself in recently what it had brought home to be more than anything was how much I'd been missing my friends without even realising it. So to hell with me burning my candle at both ends, what with all of us being so ridiculously busy I was determined to see them whenever I could.

Ginny had also added a helpful post script on her letter to me which meant I had been able to narrow down my 'who blabbed to George' culprit list down to two; Hannah Longbottom (formerly Abbot) and Ernie McMillan.

Now Hannah bless her heart was a gossip but seeing as she was based up in Hogsmede to be close to Neville and none of us had seen her for months I didn't think she was the one to go blabbing to George about my having been in the school choir. No, my bet was on Ernie being the blabbermouth and I felt really quite alarmed by that. He had been best friends with Justin and I both didn't and urgently did want to know what he may have said to George about it all. I knew who was the best person to ask too. It wouldn't be Ernie himself, he'd obfuscate and pontificate endlessly without getting to the point, but there was I had realised someone better.

 _What I need is to go to Gringotts_.

I quickly filed away my notes and momentarily felt guilty for leaving the office before I reminded myself sternly that I was allowed a lunch break and I gathered up my bag and hurried to make my way to Diagon Alley and the bank.

I paused in the entrance hall of the bank for a moment as I took it all in. The quiet clink of coins, the rustle of quills and parchments and the high arching ceiling that had been redesigned after Harry had destroyed it when he'd escaped on that dragon. I still found it mad the things he, Ron and Hermione and done during the war.

"May I help madam?"

A scratchy voice brought me back to attention and I glanced to my right to see I was being addressed by a goblin and I eyed this one wearily. I didn't like goblins and it wasn't because of any stereotype or what we had learnt about them in school. I specifically didn't like the Gringotts goblins because of how they had treated me after I had finished Hogwarts and was trying to access the family account my father had set up.

It had taken an irate Audrey for them to finally allow me access to funds and not only that by lodging a formal complaint she managed to get me a reimbursement of funds due to the trumped up admin charges they had tried to whack on to the account. No, I didn't like goblins because they had seen I was alone and vulnerable and instead of simply doing their jobs they had tried to take advantage of me.

I had to fight against narrowing my eyes in annoyance. It hadn't been this particular goblin that had worked on my account so I supposed I shouldn't be annoyed with him.

"Yes thank you, I'm here to withdraw some funds but then I would like to see Susan Bones if she's available."

"Of course madam follow me. I shall put in a request for your admittance to Ms Bones' office."

I inclined my head in thanks as I followed him to the counter, my right arm reaching for the clasp of my bag so I could withdraw my Gringotts key ready. As the Llewellyn family vault was one of the newer ones the cart ride was very brief and I eyed the goblin's carefully as they withdrew some of my money into a bag for me. I didn't have masses of funds. A lot of what had been left in my father's account had gone on my final year of schooling and to help pay my way through auror training. I had enough though that while I wasn't comfortable I knew I at least had a nest egg of galleons at my disposal should any emergency arise. I had made certain that I always had enough just in case any of the what if disaster scenarios I sometimes imagined came to pass.

Instead of being escorted back to the entrance hall a goblin led me to a side door that led to a corridor of offices. There were a few wizards and witches that worked at the bank, mainly for administrative purposes with regards to banking records and liaising with the bank's clients but also in terms of maintenance and curse work on the vaults itself.

"Here you are madam."

The goblin doffed me a short bow before leaving me outside of Susan's office door but I hesitated before knocking. Would I be bothering her? In the past when I'd visited Gringotts I'd always thought about seeing her but had ducked out every time because I didn't want to be a nuisance. But was that just my anxiety thinking? It was a startling thought for me and one I would have to give serious consideration to at some point and I stared hard at her door for long moment before I raised my right hand to knock.

"Come in."

I smiled faintly at the sound of her voice before I reached for the handle to open the door and popped my head around so she could see me.

"Hey Susan, you got time for a chat?"

Susan Bones' desk was a picture of neatness although that by no means meant it was clear. She had five large mounds of books and parchments but she seemed to be working through them methodically as she always did when she worked. Her ginger hair was tied back in a braid and her dark brown eyes seemed to brighten as she saw me. They were much darker than George's.

"Non! Of course yes, come in, oh it's so nice to see you."

She'd half risen from her seat but I waved for her to sit back down as I took my seat in front of her desk.

"Heya." I paused awkwardly. "Sorry I've not called in more often."

It was Susan's turn to wave my comments away.

"Oh don't be silly Non I know you're busy. And I know you find it hard to talk to us Puffers. I understand Non, I really do."

I felt my jaw drop slightly. No what I had been expecting at all but as she started to laugh at my expression I managed a rueful smile.

"It's not that I don't love you all…"

She held up a hand to stop me.

"Non you don't need to explain to me. I know what it's like to lose a lot of people like you did. And hey you _know_ a lot of us Puffers love to talk things over and revisiting the war and the people that have died…they like to talk about it. I get that you don't. Not everyone does and it's okay. Although, now that I know you know where my office is you can't duck out of visiting more often you hear?"

I managed to finally shut my jaw and I gazed at Susan as though seeing her clearly for the first time in a long time. She was tapping her finger nervously against the desk and I could see a slight strain around her eyes.

"How long have you been wanting to say that to me?"

My voice was quiet and she cast me a sheepish look.

"A while. And I'm actually guessing this isn't a wholly social visit?"

Damn Susan and her all-knowingness. I tried not to look guilty.

"Well, now that you mention it….what I really wanted to ask you was has Ernie-"

"-met with George and talked about you? Yes."

I groaned.

"I know, I'm sorry. I gave him what for afterward but honestly he was so excited George had asked to meet up with him I think he got carried away. You know what he's like."

Yes I did I realised with some irritation but as I glanced at Susan I saw that her eyes had soften and she had a sappy smile on her face.

"Sweet Helga, you really love him don't you?"

A furious blush crossed across Susan's face but she couldn't stop her smile widening.

"Yeah I do. Don't know how I missed it at school but I guess maybe it's all about timing. He apparently didn't blab too much though. Just mentioned what he knew of you from school. He said he didn't mention Justin."

Susan's voice was soft now and I swallowed thickly around the lump that had appeared in my throat and I managed a stiff nod.

"Well that…that's good. Say Susan, did you want to come over mine tomorrow? It's a late one, Ginny can't get there till ten and I'm out earlier in the evening but we were thinking of a girls night, you in?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

I smiled in relief and moved to stand, shooting her a grin.

"Great I'll let Hermione know. You still like gin?"

"Of course!"

I shot her an answering grin as I left, backing out of her room backwards as I shut her door quietly and I spun around to make my way down the corridor.

"Hole shi-" I just about managed to hold on to the swear word before it left my mouth as I nearly careened into the figure that had been waiting outside Susan's door.

"Alright Non?"

I stuttered slightly to see the smiling figure of Bill Weasley.

"Oh h-hello, sorry I almost smacked right into you. I didn't see you there."

"That's alright. You had business with Susan?"

He nodded at the door behind me.

"Oh yeah, just a social call."

A slightly awkward silence fell between us and I shifted nervously on my feet before I gave Bill a second look. He was all in to curse breaking if I could remember what Ginny told me although I didn't think he still worked in that area. He would surely know about wards and protection spells.

"Actually Bill, could I ask you something?"

"I think you just did." He had a teasing smile on his face before he indicated with his head that I should follow him. "My room's just down here, c'mon."

I fiddled with the strap on my back and ducked my head as some goblins passing cast me a suspicious look. Bill's office was, in a word, cool and I felt a childish surge of resentment. Everything about Bill Weasley seemed cool and I wondered how he managed it so effortlessly. He had a truly quirky desk, not your boring bog standard rectangular fare most had, and he had driftwood shelving all across the walls completely stacked with books (all the spines facing out I was glad to note). He had photo frames on his desk although at the angle they were titled at I couldn't see them but I had no doubt they contained Fleur and Victoire.

I sank into the spare office chair and Merlin it was comfortable.

"Can I steal your chair?"

I'd blurted the words before thinking and blushed before I hurried to explain myself.

"I mean it's seriously comfy. Not like my one in work at all, that one feels like I'm sitting on a lump of rock by the end of the day."

"I think my client's would have words if it disappeared. Although if it does in the future I'll know who to suspect first."

I chuckled along with his teasing before I bit my lip and frowned at him slightly trying to figure out exactly what I needed to ask.

"Say Bill, do you work a lot with wards and shields? I don't mean individual defensive shields like _protego_ but shields and wards for things like buildings or rooms."

"I used to. I still do a bit here with the vaults of course. What did you want to know?"

"I-I want to know if there were any types of magic that could drain the wards or cause them to stop working? All the reading I've done seems to indicate it needs to be direct brutal spell work to destroy the wards but I can't seem to find anything that seems to indicate a draining of power from the spell work itself."

Bill's face took on a distant expression and I could almost see him working through what information he had before he shook his head slowly.

"Off the top of my head Non…no. That's not to say that information isn't out there. I can have a look through my old books if you like?"

"Oh would you? That'd be great if you could Bill. Anything you have on ward spells really. I only know the basics so anything would be a help."

He nodded his agreement and I stood up, moving to stand behind the chair that I oh so wished I could take with me.

"Can I ask what you need the information for?"

I gazed at him for a moment.

"You can."

Bill opened his mouth to speak again before he paused and narrowed his eyes at me.

"Would you answer my question?"

"I would not."

My lip twitched as I tried to fight a smile and Bill let out a chuckle.

"Let me guess, Auror business?"

I hummed the affirmative and he rolled his eyes as he stood and walked me to his door.

"Well I'll pass anything on to George for you."

I nearly stumbled through the door way and I turned back to Bill in confusion.

"Oh...alright."

Why couldn't he just owl anything he found to me? Surely that would be quicker? I narrowed my eyes and I drew in a breath to ask that very question.

"Great I'll let George know he can expect to see you. Bye Non."

With a cheeky grin, Bill Weasley closed the door in my face.

"Bloody Weasleys…"

I muttered in annoyance to myself as I half stomped my way back down the corridor, and out of the bank.

By five thirty on Friday evening I was in a slight panic. I had nothing to wear. And I don't mean that in my normal anxiety induced worrying about what others are wearing so what should I wear way either. I mean I just didn't have anything.

"Fucking stupid fucking laundry."

I scowled at the mound of clothes I'd tipped out of my laundry back as I gave a pair of jeans an experimental sniff. Nope, they'd been too long in the laundry basket so while they hadn't been filthy they definitely wouldn't be clean enough now. I half-heartedly considered a quick scourgify spell before I crinkled my nose. No, that wouldn't work either it never truly got the clothes clean and I'd just be grossed out wearing them.

I stomped back across to my wardrobe and swung the doors back open with a glare. I had dress robes sure, and even some going out evening dresses but I didn't _like_ wearing dresses and I gazed back longingly at the pile of jeans. Damn my stupid work rota keeping me from having clean clothes. I half-heartedly looked back through the dresses. There was one I supposed that was casual enough especially if I paired it with leggings and some sandals.

I drew it out slowly and held it up to me in front of the mirror. It was green with a flower pattern, a very slightly scooped neckline and short sleeves. It zipped up at the back and whilst it cut in a bit at the waist you needed to tie a bow at the back to really draw it in and the skirt of it fell to just above my knees. I pulled a face. It was just so… _girly_.

I sighed heavily before changing and scowled at my reflection. I supposed it didn't look bad. All the training I did as an auror at least lent me a decent figure even if my face was plain. I rolled my eyes at myself. Honestly what did it matter anyway, it was only dinner with Percy and Audrey. I hurried downstairs to check the pantry to make sure there were supplies in for later and did a quick drinks check and felt a grin trying to fight over my face. Sure we were stupidly busy but we would at least have fun. I guessed Ginny wouldn't be able to drink a lot given she had a match in a couple of days but it didn't mean the rest of us couldn't at least indulge a little bit.

At about ten to six I made my way out of the cottage and took my wand out ready to apparate and thought hard for a moment about where Percy and Audrey lived. They had a town house in muggle London on one of the quieter leafy roads near the Wimbledon area. Because it was a muggle area I knew there was a designated apparition point about five minutes from their property and I focused on it intently and a second later I opened my eyes to a disused muggle bus stop.

I hurriedly made my way down the road, now nervous that I was in fact going to be late but with a minute to spare I walked up the steps to their wooden front door that was painted a deep blue and lifted my hand to knock. And I froze. I felt absurdly anxious and I couldn't understand why. I'd been to dinner here before and yeah okay I hadn't been sociable really the last year or so but I'd been to dinner at Ginny's _and_ at the twins' flat. This shouldn't be making me nervous. I swallowed heavily and took a steadying breath and finally knocked the door.

Enough time passed that I worried that maybe they hadn't heard me. Should I knock again? But even as I thought it I heard a scraping at the door and then it swung inwards to reveal the smiling face of Audrey.

"Hi Non, come on in."

"Hey Audrey, thanks for inviting me."

I realised nearly a split second too late that she was expecting a hug and I awkwardly hugged her before pulling back and fumbling for something in my bag.

"Here." I thrust a bottle of wine at her. I knew that was the done thing. Bringing drinks as a guest, and I smiled in relief as she took it happily from me.

"Thanks Non, you didn't have to! Here come on through, I'm just finishing up a few things in the kitchen if you want to help, Perc is just finishing off some work."

She rolled her eyes as she said it as I dutifully followed her through the house. It was a lot tidier than The Burrow but then again it was only the two of them and they didn't have hoards of family members turning up at any given point like Mrs Weasley had to contend with.

"I'm happy to help but please don't give me anything complicated, I don't want to ruin your cooking."

"Oh shush, I know you know how to cook." Audrey wagged a finger at me, "But never fear I only need help prepping the salad."

I nodded back at her but I was still worried. What if I didn't prep things the way she liked them? What if I chopped something up wrong? I had to bite back a surge of annoyance at myself. Why did I constantly, _constantly_ seek to undermine myself like this? Of course I knew how to bloody well prep a salad. If Audrey had any idea as to my inner ramblings she didn't let on.

Audrey and I chatted happily as we worked and we had just finished on the food and I was taking my first sip from a gratefully received glass of wine when an enormously loud honking noise came from the direction of the door causing us both to jump. I could hear the thunder of footsteps rushing down the stairs.

"GEORGE!"

I choked on my wine and shot an alarmed look at Audrey.

That had clearly been an irate Percy shouting but why would he be shouting at…oh no. No fucking way. I glared at Audrey who smirked back happily sipping on her wine. I could hear Percy again from down the hall way, his voice getting closer.

"Honestly George I have _muggle_ neighbours you cannot do things like that."

"S'not my fault. Last time I came here you left me waiting outside for nearly ten minutes claiming you and Audrey had been _busy_ although we both know you meant you'd been shagg-"

I was frozen to the spot as George appeared in the kitchen behind Percy where he'd shut up as soon as he'd clocked sight of me, his eyes widening. I glanced at Audrey for help only to see that she'd disappeared.

 _I will kill her._

"Oh there you are Non I thought I'd heard you arrive. Well now that we're all here why don't we go to the dining room?"

Percy was beaming at both of us looking very pleased with himself.

 _I will kill Percy first_.

I thought it viciously although I immediately shied away from my own thought thinking back to my nightmare. It had taken me a few days to sleep normally again but I knew better than to think such thoughts so lightly. Not after what I'd done. I took a desperate sip of wine. George still hadn't said anything to me.

"Hi George."

God bless wine and all of its liquid courage. George blinked at me before giving himself a slight shake.

"Hi Non. Didn't know you were going to be here."

His left hand fiddling with the folded up right sleeve of his check shirt that was unbuttoned showing a grey t-shirt beneath.

"I didn't know you were going to be here either."

I turned to direct a scowl at Percy who, of fucking course, had also disappeared from the kitchen.

"You want a drink?"

I gestured to the wine bottle on the counter and George pulled a face.

"I'd like a drink but not wine. You reckon Percy has any beer stashed anywhere?"

I glanced nervously around the kitchen trying to remember where they kept their own cool storage.

"Never mind, I found it."

I turned around to see George happily pulling out small bottles of bear from a cupboard in the far corner of the kitchen.

"You want one or are you sticking to wine?"

I paused for a moment trying to gather my thoughts. I was actually having a semi sort of slightly normal conversation with George. My stomach still felt like it was trying to climb out of my body though so I figured it was best not to mix my drinks. Merlin knew how I was going to be able to eat when I was feeling like this.

"I'll stick the wine."

"Aright." George twisted a cap of the bottle and took a long glug before releasing a happy sigh. "You have no idea how much I needed that."

"Rough day?"

"Rough week more like."

"Urgh, I know that feeling." I glared a bit at my wine as I said it before taking a larger sip than normal and I glanced up to see George was watching me and I flushed. Great stuff Non, sure why don't you just gulp down the wine like an ill-mannered heathen.

"I don't think I've seen you wear a dress before."

I struggled for a response. I couldn't tell him it was only because I didn't have any other normal clean clothes!

"Oh um I-"

"No I mean it's nice. The dress. And you. You in the dress that is." I saw George pause and roll his eyes at himself before he levelled me with a direct look. "You look really nice in your dress Non."

I took an urgent sip of wine hoping it would hide my blush. I thought he'd have stopped saying things like that now we'd decided to try and be friends but perhaps he just liked to compliment people.

"Oh uh…thanks. I like your shirt."

Why did I decide to blurt that out? Damn it our friendship conversation was supposed to have put an end to awkward moments like this. Although really his shirt _was_ nice so at least I was being truthful. There was a smile tugging at the side of his mouth and he ran a hand through his hair.

"Are you two actually wanting to eat anything?"

Percy's head popped around the door and he looked at his expectantly.

"Well come on, Audrey and I have been waiting. Non, bring the wine with you will you?" he cast a slightly irritated glance at the beer in George's hand before he left shaking his head.

"After you."

I glanced at George in confusion but he just nodded his head to the door and I hesitantly made my way through trying to remember which room was the dining room.

"Here, it's this one."

The light touch on the back of my elbow almost had me spill my wine but George just steered me to the correct door and as I took my seat at the table I tried very hard not to glare at Percy and Audrey. I mean I was nervous enough just coming for dinner with them they didn't have to spring a surprise George meeting on me.

The dinner itself was nice though. Percy, who could probably talk for Britain once you got him started, carried most of the conversation with Audrey's dry humour stopping him from getting too carried away. George it seemed couldn't take anything Percy said seriously and seemed to delight in winding his older brother up. I for my part was happy to just take it in and laugh at the right places. Really I was more focused on making sure my hands weren't shaking while I tried to eat. I was feeling so anxious I had lost most of my appetite and matters weren't helped that every time George reached for seconds or his beer his arm always seemed to brush against mine nearly making me jump. It got to the stage it had happened so often that I thought he must have been doing it on purpose but when I glanced at him from the corner of my eye he was entirely focused on what Audrey was saying. Maybe he really just didn't realise? He seemed so comfortable with any sort of physical contact perhaps he really didn't.

 _C'mon Non, you are anxious and hyper sensitive. Stop trying to make it out to be something more than it is._

By the time dessert had finished I was on my third glass of wine and was finally feeling relaxed enough to join in the conversation although predictably for me this was just as our evening was coming to a close. I wished I knew how to relax sooner so I could actually be myself but I'd learnt the hard way that drinking wine too quickly never ended well.

It was nearing nine o'clock now and after a quick trip to the loo I started to make my excuses to leave. George was sprawled happily in his chair to my left and was on to his fourth bottle of beer so I figured he'd be staying here for a while. I helped Audrey with the dishes before I left.

"Sorry we sprung that on you."

I nearly dropped the glass I had been putting away in the cupboard and I frowned at her in confusion.

"For not telling you George was coming too. I didn't realise he'd make you so nervous."

"Oh."

I glanced at Audrey again to see that she was studying my face closely and I shifted awkwardly.

"It's okay Audrey. I mean, George and I have decided to try and be friends so we probably need to actually see each other for that to happen."

"Friends?"

"Yeah so we can get to know each other without me being so…me." I let out a half laugh. "Not that it worked today mind."

"That's our fault." She reached out and squeezed me hand. "It'll get easier Non."

"Right, shall we be off then?"

I squeezed Audrey's hand in panic as George hurried in to the kitchen, looking at me expectantly.

"Er…I thought you were staying?"

"No, no, need to make a move."

He looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"George Weasley, you better not have played one of your pranks on Percy."

Audrey waved a warning finger at him.

"Now Audrey, would I do a thing like that?"

"Yes."

Audrey's wry answer only caused George to snicker to himself as he grabbed hold of my hand and started trying to tug me from the kitchen.

"Hey wait George I have to say goodbye to-"

"GEORGE!"

Percy's bellow of rage caused George to erupt into laughter as he full on dragged me down the hall to the front door.

"Bye Percy! Bye Audrey."

He called back to Audrey over his shoulder with a grin and I only had the chance to send her a slightly panicked look before George had steered us out on to the steps and closed the door before hurrying me down the road. He waited until we'd rounded the corner before he let go of my hand and doubled over laughing.

"George Weasley what did you do?"

I felt a smile tugging at my lips, it was hard not too when he seemed so amused by something. I wrapped my arms around my midriff though and shivered slightly. The sun was setting and the wind had picked up and I hadn't thought to bring a jacket.

"Just one of our new joke products. It's like a water balloon but it grows in size depending on the amount your intended target talks. And of course Percy didn't shut up tonight so…Merlin I bet it was massive by the end. What's great is that it has a time locked invisibility charm on it so they won't ever see it until it's too late. It'll be a perfect product for revenge on annoying siblings."

I tried not to laugh.

"Poor Percy."

"Poor Percy my arse. He deserves it."

Well yes tonight he certainly did.

"Can't argue with that."

George still chortled to himself a bit before he straightened up and flung his arm around my shoulder and I stiffened under his touch. If he noticed he didn't let on he just started walking us to the apparition point and grinned at me.

"Right then Non, where shall we go? The night's still young."

"Oh um, I've got to be back by ten."

George paused and cast me a disappointed look.

"Are you trying to tell me that you, Non Llewellyn, have a curfew? _"_

I laughed out right at that and elbowed him softly.

"It's a girls night. And I am not facing the wrath of Ginny by turning up late."

George let out a sound of understanding before he propelled us forward again.

"Well, we've still got nearly an hour, I know just where we can go."

"Where?"

I gazed at him in apprehension. I didn't like not knowing where I was going. What if something went wrong? He squeezed my shoulder.

"Somewhere you'll like. Here, hold on tight."

We'd arrived at the apparation point and I nervously held on to his waist before I felt the familiar sensation of being squeezed through a tight tube and I blinked in surprise at our new location. We were in a park and judging by the distant sounds of traffic we were still in London. I didn't know London very well but judging by the size of the park I guessed we were in Hyde Park.

"Aren't these parks locked this time of night?"

George flashed a grin.

"Not just yet. Not in the summer. Here sit here." He gestured to a close by bench. "I just need to grab something, I'll be two minutes."

Before I could say a word he was striding off and quickly disappeared from view and I nervously sat on the bench. When two minutes had turned into ten I started to look around nervously. Had he brought me here just as a joke? Was he planning a prank?

"Sorry, sorry!"

I heard George's voice before I saw him but he quickly rounded the bend and flung himself on the bench beside me out of breath.

"Here."

He handed me a small cup of ice cream complete with a wooden spoon to eat it with.

"I didn't know what flavour you liked so I just got vanilla."

"I like vanilla."

I managed to get the words out through a slightly frozen smile. Whilst I liked the flavour vanilla I didn't in actual fact like ice cream. I mean I didn't _hate_ it and I could eat it if I had to but really… it wasn't my cup of tea but I couldn't tell George that not when he'd just gone to the effort of getting me some. I nervously scooped up a spoonful and put it in my mouth and had to supress a shudder. It was just so, so gross.

"You're not much of a talker are you?"

George was happily spooning up his ice cream and I pulled a face around my own mouthful before I quickly swallowed.

"I guess not. Depends on the topic really."

I forced down another mouthful of ice cream.

"Alright then, what topics do you like to talk on?"

 _Music_.

My mind threw up that answer before I could blink but I swallowed the word back down. Pre-war Non had loved nothing more than music. Post-war Non, I meant me, didn't have that as part of my life anymore. I desperately searched my mind for a different topic but apart from work I didn't bloody _do_ anything so it was hard.

"Books."

I finally blurted the answer out and he smiled

"Blimey Non, you'd have thought that was the hardest question you'd ever faced. So c'mon then, what's your favourite book? Which I as your friend", he nudged me with his elbow, "should know."

I frowned softly. Now that really wasn't an easy question to answer. I'd had many favourite books over the years across all different ages. I was still mulling it over as I finished my ice cream and I hadn't realised I had been taking so long until George started chuckling at me and I flushed slightly.

"Sorry. Just trying to choose one is hard. I-I suppose my favourite whether as a child or adult would be Watership Down. It's a muggle book."

"Alright, what's it about?"

"Oh about rabbits. Humans are about to build houses on their home so a group of them have to travel across country to set up a new warren but it's all about the dangerous they face on the way. It's actually really good. Sorry, I bet it just sounds really weird."

I glanced at him nervously but he just frowned at me slightly.

"So it's an adventure story about escaping the destruction of your home, facing a big bunch of trouble on the way to set up a new one? That sounds good, not weird."

"What, even when it's about rabbits?"

"Non, may I refer you to Babbity Rabbity. Seriously, the books magical kids read are weird. That sounds downright normal. You mentioned other favourites though? What about when you were a kid?"

George had turned to face me on the bench now and I ducked my head down to spare myself from his focus for a moment as I thought before I brightened as I remembered a particular author I'd liked. Tucking my hair behind my ear I looked up again to see him smiling at me and I had to fight down a surge of nerves.

"Right well a particular author I loved was Roald Dahl. So he wrote loads of kids' books like Matilda, The B.F.G which means the big friendly giant, James and the giant peach, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Fantastic Mr Fox-"

"Wait, wait a chocolate factory? And Fantastic who? Those sound brilliant."

"Oh, but they are."

I rambled on for a while then, George was particularly taken with the last two I'd mentioned.

"…and of course Veruca Salt got everything she deserved in the end. Nearly all his mean characters do. I mean in his other book-"

I stuttered. Oh shit. I'd completely forgotten the title of this one and I tried to fight back an absurd blush of embarrassment.

"His other book? What is it?"

"Oh", I laughed nervously, "It's just about a boy with a horrible older relative who he decides to take revenge on."

"Ha now that sounds familiar. What's it called?"

I let out a slightly strangled laugh before couching nervously and trying to mutter the words out quickly.

"George's Marvellous Medicine."

George's face lit up.

"You what? George's _marvellous_ medicine? Non, that's brilliant! Say, do you still have a copy? I mean you said it was one of your favourites."

I flushed.

" _Technically_ I said the author was-"

"Same difference."

"-and I'm not sure I still do. I'll have a look. It is only a kids book though are you sure you want to read it?"

"Non, you have just told me I have a book practically based on me. Yes I would very much like to read it."

I laughed.

"Alright then, I'll see if I can get a copy. Do you want any of the others? You seemed to like the one about the fox."

George was trying to fight a grin.

"Nah, foxes are overrated anyway. Now if it had been about a _coyote_ then that's a different matter."

I blinked at him, I really wasn't sure what to say about that.

"Anyway, we've got what ten minutes left so let's try a different question. And you have to answer right away Non, no dithering."

"I didn't dither!"

How dare he.

"Yes you did. It was text book dithering."

I scowled.

"I just wanted to make sure I got my answer right."

George snickered at me before making an effort to control himself.

"Right you are. Well here's the question and remember, you have to answer straight away. Tell me something you don't like?"

"Ice cream."

I clapped a hand over my mouth in horror. Oh God I can't believe I just blurted that out. I cast an agonised glance at George to see him looking slightly outraged, his jaw dropped slightly.

"I'm sorry!" I rushed to explain as I saw him take a deep breath to talk. "I mean I don't _hate_ it, otherwise I wouldn't have eaten it but it's just not erm…my favourite?"

"Non! You just ate something you didn't like, why didn't you just tell me?"

He was looking at me like I was mad.

"Well you'd just gone to all the effort to get me some I didn't want to make you feel bad. Though, guess that's not worked now huh?"

I bit my lip in dismay but to my surprise he just chuckled at me.

"Serves me right for getting you something without asking first. But seriously Non, next time if you don't like something just tell me."

I felt ridiculously relieved.

"Alright."

"So it's ten o'clock, reckon if I keep you out another five minutes Ginny will hunt you down?"

"Most definitely."

"Better not risk her wrath then."

I nodded my agreement and we both stood up. I shuffled awkwardly again as to how to say goodbye and I remembered George's words.

"So about things I don't like. I don't really like hugging."

George grinned at me.

"Tough."

I yelped in surprise as he yanked me into a hug.

"But – but you just said to tell you when I didn't like something."

I'd tried to say the words forcefully but as they were muffled by his shoulder it didn't really work.

"Hugs don't count Non. Everyone hugs. Besides," He took a half step back, his hands still on my shoulders, "I don't think you don't like them if anything I think you're just out of practice."

I gaped at him. How dare he even presume that. Where on earth would he even get enough information about me to even think-. My thoughts froze. _Ernie_. Well fucking hell, I'd spent a whole evening with George and I'd forgotten completely about my conversation with Susan.

I jabbed an accusing finger at him.

"Ernie!"

George's smile widened.

"I think you'll find I'm George, Non. You know, the one who makes _marvellous_ joke-"

"You got Ernie to blab to you about me."

I cut him off and scowled as he let out a laugh.

"I did no such thing. I just went for a pint with my good friend Ernie. Just so happened you came up in conversation is all."

I scoffed.

"He bloody told you about the choir didn't he?"

"Correct."

"Ha, I knew it! Right, what's my prize?"

Whatever surge of triumph I felt flickered slightly as George's grin turned slightly wicked.

"It's a surprise. No, now don't scowl. It will be wholly informative and rewarding. You can have it any day next week. Message me what day you have free, yeah?"

I gazed at him suspiciously before nodding hesitantly.

"Alright."

"Brilliant, c'mere."

I let out another squeak of surprise as he hugged me again before stepping back.

"You need me to escort you home?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Somehow I think I'll find the way. G'night George."

"Night Non."

He waited for me to apparate away and the last thing I saw was him standing there, a crooked smile on his face.

All of the lights in my cottage were on when I trudged up the path and pushed the door open following the voices to the kitchen where I froze.

"You're not a girl!"

I pointed an accusing finger at Harry who looked thoroughly put out and I cast a reproachful look at Ginny. Susan and Hermione where busy hiding smiles into their drinks.

"You know girls nights aren't fair. I haven't seen Ginny for days, how come you get to steal her away? And why are you wearing a dress?"

Ginny was shaking her head at me as I'd opened my mouth to snap back a response to Harry. Clearly he didn't know that girls night was her idea.

"I'm a _girl_ , we wear dresses" I sniffed at him.

"Wait, did you have another date with George?"

I shot Hermione a filthy look.

"We've never had a date!"

Ginny was crowing with laughter as she brought a drink over to me.

"Wait hold on, what other dates have you had? Did you have a date tonight?"

I turned my glare to Susan.

"No dates. None. Zero. We are just _friends_. I mean stop-look stop laughing at me, it's not funny!"

"I think someone's protesting too much."

I was going to hurt Ginny.

The people formally known as my friends were all openly cackling at me. I huffed in annoyance as I took a big gulp of my drink before I nearly choked on it. Merlin it was strong and I saw a wicked gleam in Ginny's eye that was eerily similar to George's. It was, quite clearly, going to be one of _those_ nights.

 **A/N: I've passed 50 followers! That has made my week. Thank you to all of you who have such interest in this story.**

 **I hope you enjoy this latest chapter, it was the first chapter I've had a bit of difficulty getting started on but the second half really just seemed to write itself.**

 **To those have been so kind to review, especially the last guest review – thank you so much. I know marriage law fics are a certain trope but I am trying to do something a bit differently here. I'm just so glad there are people enjoying it.**

 **With regards to the anxiety aspect, I know a lot of you have commented on it being realistically portrayed and I am going to try and continue to do my best with that. Anxiety is a very individual illness but I know there are a lot of symptoms that a lot of people (including myself) recognise. I hope that I am handling it all as sensitively as I can.**

 **As ever any feedback you'd like to give would be really appreciated.**

 **Diolch/Thanks,**

 **Yav**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine

Chapter 14

I rubbed at my eyes that had grown tired from reading such ridiculously tiny print for hours on end but I felt a small smile of triumph curl the corners of my mouth and I allowed myself a moment to feel a little smug. There was no way on this earth that anyone else had even touched this book for years. It also, more importantly, hadn't been updated since the war. I carefully tabbed the crucial page before I shut the heavy cover with a resounding thud and I sat back to stretch, groaning slightly in pain as the cramped muscles in my back protested.

"Alright there Llewellyn?"

I snapped my eyes open to be met with a brown paper bag being waved in front of my face and I glanced up to see Ron towering over me. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion as I sniffed the bag experimentally and my eyebrows shot up and I snatched the bag to me, ignoring Ron's protesting "Oi!".

"Oh wow Ron, bagels! Are they for me?"

He pulled a face at my exaggerated eyelash batting but grunted in the affirmative and I hummed happily before scooping one of the bagels out and taking a ginormous bite.

"Figured I owed you some, plus you didn't seem yourself this morning. What the hell happened in training?"

I was inordinately pleased Ron had the decency to at least lean in and whisper that question even as I grimaced around my mouthful of food. I pointed to my full face to indicate I'd be a while in answering which was a good thing really as I was still simmering with anger under the surface about it. I'd had training with Ron and lately either I'd been winning or Ron would just pinch it from me. We were complete opposites in both stature and how we approached duelling but we were weirdly very well matched. It was much better than duelling Harry anyway. He was so much better than anyone else he always won, after a time it was just demoralising.

Training with Ron had been going along well like normal, until the door had opened and I'd clocked the once muscular figure that was now easily moving in the 'middle-aged spread' stage enter the room. It was Auror Stent and as Beckett had so kindly ordered me I had a role to play. I started to mistime some of my spells. Only slightly, and not very often, it wouldn't have done for Ron to have called a halt to training to ask what the bloody hell I was playing at. Beckett hadn't told me not to discuss my meeting with anyone else but he'd heavily implied secrecy. Training had finally ended with me 'tripping' during a manoeuvre and Ron embarrassingly easily disarming me. The memory of Stent's chuckle of amusement still felt humiliating hours later and I suspected it would take days to pass. I finally swallowed my mouth full of food.

"You had your meeting with Beckett yet?"

"Oh right I get it, change the subject. You're such a sore loser sometimes you know that?"

Ron groused at me in annoyance but as he sat at his desk he frowned slightly and gave me a short nod which I returned, relieved. He'd got what I meant then, or at least I hoped so, that the end of this morning's training wasn't something that I would have willingly had occur.

"What the hell are you reading the office manual for anyway? I didn't even realise this department even bloody well had one."

I hid my smirk behind my bagel but this time I deliberately changed the subject. I didn't want anyone to know why I was nosing through it.

"How's Luna?"

Ron outright scowled at me but at the sound of the arrival of new voices heading towards the department, that were I realised with a sinking feeling Aurors Stent and Proctor, Ron straightened up and to my amazement actually began to talk, deliberately not lowering his voice.

"Oh she's great, she's still in Finland. She writes me every couple of days, it's amazing the things she gets to see, I'm a bit jealous really."

There was a wistful tone to Ron's voice that if he really was just putting it on then Merlin's beard he'd excelled to a better level of acting than I'd thought possible. He had a goofy grin on his face but his eyes were a bit hard as he stared at me and I let my eyes flicker to the side to see if we had an audience. Stent was leaning over another auror's desk but his head was tilted our way, not much, but enough that I guessed he was listening.

"Ooooh letters!" I let out a girlish giggle as I bounced to my feet and hurried over to Ron's desk where I hopped on to sit, my legs swinging, "Can I see?"

"No you bloody can't."

He rubbed a hand over his jaw to try and hide the twitch of a smile at my own out of character behaviour.

"Aw c'mon."

I continued to badger Ron and he rebuffed my attempts for the whole time Stent was in the room. Let him think I was a bit of a giggling idiot and for whatever reasons Ron had, let him think Ron was blissfully happy in a 'relationship' with Luna. I knew first hand Ron was still miserable to no longer be with Hermione but he clearly didn't want Stent to know that. The slight tension leaving my shoulders was enough for Ron to see when our observer had left the room but we continued our charade for a couple of minutes more just in case.

Finally with a roll of my eyes I trundled back over to my desk, and moved to place the office manual in my bottom draw. I still had to compile a few lists and triple check what information I wanted to include but, thanks to Clause 450(3)(5)(27)(x) in Schedule XXII I now knew that I could now request the information I wanted, about the auror records prior to the war and the Azkaban rotas, anonymously. Extremely strict criteria applied so I would have to be very careful with my wording but I hoped by the weeks end I could at least get my request sent off. Then it would be a matter of waiting which I hoped wouldn't go into weeks but with the Ministry being overly bureaucratic I wasn't holding my breath.

I glanced at my watch and cursed.

"What's up?"

"Oh just I'm going to be late to see George. Apparently I've won a prize."

Ron's snort of laughter did nothing to dispel the nerves I was feeling.

"How the bloody hell has he talked you in to that? No, don't tell me actually I don't want to know. All I'll say is, it was nice knowing you."

"Hey now you can't say that, what do you mean?"

"Listen Llewellyn whenever either of the twins offer a prize, the prize is usually something of benefit to them and nearly always involves the workshop. Tell me, am I wrong?"

I scrunched my nose in annoyance.

"Well, I have been told to go to the workshop."

Ron chortled before laughing loudly when I stuck my middle finger up at him in response.

"Next time I see you, I'll tell you I told you so Llewellyn."

I scowled slightly but just rolled my eyes in response. I was as I'd noticed on my way to being late and I didn't want to waste any more time quibbling with Ron.

"Whatever Weasley, I'll prove you wrong."

And with Ron laughing at my obvious false bravado I made my way apprehensively towards Diagon Alley, wishing that my palms would stop sweating. Really getting a prize shouldn't be this stressful and in all honesty as this was technically one of the few late afternoon to evening I'd had free recently I would much rather have gone home to either potter about in the garden or simply sleep. I was honest to Helga getting so tired that I'd started to tremble badly at even the slightest surges of adrenaline again which I had thought after my phased return to work I was slowly getting over. It had only been coming up to six weeks though so I supposed I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.

I hurried down the alley, making a mental note to call in to the apothecary soon as I was getting seriously low on some of my potions and given my work schedule I was struggling to manage the timings to brew my own. It would make a big dint in my wages but I always felt better with my stock of emergency potions on hand. The way my luck went, it would be the one potion I didn't have that I would no doubt find myself in a situation desperately needing.

It was approaching three in the afternoon, but the twins' shop was still fairly busy despite the fact all of the children of schooling age were now away at Hogwarts. There were a surprising number of adults in the shop too which surprised me. I didn't think joke products would be appealing to grownups as much but then I'd avoided the twins and their shop so successfully over the last couple of years I realised I didn't actually know much about their products at all.

I took my time now to quietly peruse the shelves and I was amazed to see how many products really were targeted at both children and adults. Which was canny marketing really, when I thought about it. The kids would drag their parents in and this increased the odds of everyone leaving having bought something, and it was a way to keep the shop busy all year around.

"Somehow, I don't think you need one of those."

A voice just to my right startled me badly and I fumbled to return the shield hat I had been holding back on the shelf, somehow managing to knock at least a half a dozen others off in the process and I flushed with embarrassment as I turned towards the voice.

"Jumpy, aren't you?"

George was looking at my quizzically but there was a shadow of a smile on his face and I ducked my head down to try and compose myself. I must have been more tired than I thought as honestly even though I was more easily startled these days it was pretty rare someone could approach me in a public space with my not realising.

"Just a bit tired." I managed to reply as I quickly knelt to gather up the hats before I stood and moved to replace them on the shelf. "And no, I definitely don't need one of these."

"Didn't think so. You ready for your prize?"

The easy full smile was back on his face and he was, now that I had recovered slightly from my embarrassment to pay proper attention, nearly bouncing on his feet in excitement.

"I am suspicious about my prize."

His grin widened.

"Excellent! Right, come along Non."

He ignored my indignant squawk as he grabbed my shoulders and spun me around before his hands clamped on to them again as he propelled me forward. I did my best to shrug from under his grip but he was completely unyielding and as I shot a glare at him over my shoulder he had the audacity to laugh.

As we got closer to the counter and the door to the backroom area there were more customers and I could feel a blush forming as I saw them starting to stare.

"Excuse me, coming through! We have secured a willing human volunteer for our next set of products, except to see them on shelves ready for Christmas. Spread the word!"

Chuckles erupted around us but before I could even try and scowl at George he had pushed me through the door to the store room and closed it behind us.

"I am not a willing volunteer!"

I spun to face him, a full frown on my face but he just chortled at me and reached out to tweak my hair, laughing fully as I slapped his hand away.

"I know that. We've already tested everything. Still I thought you'd like a tour of the place and you'll get to be the first person to try out our new products. See? A true prize."

He winked at me and I allowed my frown to soften slightly. I supposed there would be a lot of people who would love a chance to do this but I wasn't exactly a fan of the Weasley Wizard Wheezes products.

"Hmm."

"Hmm? What do you mean hmm?"

"I'm afraid I need convincing George. An unnamed source revealed to be that it is not untypical that your prizes tend to benefit you more than the winner of said prize."

"Slanderous, absolutely slanderous!"

I suppose I'd have taken George's exclamation of outrage more seriously if he hadn't still been grinning at me.

"It's not slander if it's the truth."

"Well then challenge accepted Non, convince you I shall."

My stomach flipped slightly with nerves at the look he directed at me, it was half serious half mischief filled but I was soon enough distracted from my nerves as he hooked a finger in the belt loop of my jeans to get me to follow him around the store room. What followed was a very entertaining but lengthy explanation of how he and Fred had set up the shop, how things were set up here to work before moving on to explain how some of the products in the store room shelves worked. Throughout this I repeatedly kept trying to unhook his finger, usually by means of elbowing him in the stomach but George seemed to take no notice of my attempts and I couldn't bring myself to elbow him hard. Sure he was being annoying, but I didn't want to actually hurt him.

Finally George led me through to the workshop which was there I knew no customers were allowed to tread. It was a surprisingly spacious room with a high ceiling. Two of the walls were covered from top to bottom with shelves, all of which contained either ingredients or what looked like finalised or half finished products. The sheer number of potions and items was a bit overwhelming but as I wandered away from George who was shrugging out of his magenta work robes to take a closer look I could see that they at least seemed to have some sort of order and indexing albeit messily labelled. There was also I could feel a faint magical barrier across the face of the shelves and as I turned to look at the rest of the room I could understand why. There were scorch marks dotted all across the opposite wall and I could see as I glanced up, that there were a number on the ceiling too.

The main feature of the room however was the work table. It was massive, taking up nearly all of the room and at one end there had to have been at least seven cauldrons on the go, each bubbling away quietly as the potions in them brewed.

"Wow."

"Impressed?"

I tried to ignore the spike of anxiety his voice caused as I glanced across to see that he now stood leant up against the wall to the right of the door, his hands slung into his jean pockets.

"Very."

And I mean, I was. It was one thing to know that the twins had set this all up on their own and created their own products, that was impressive in itself. But I hadn't realised on what scale they operated and plus the fact that they did this just the two of them. I wondered briefly how they had time to do anything other than work.

George pushed off the wall with a smile before gesturing to the end of the worktable.

"Here, these are the products you get to try."

I shot a surprised glance at the table, I hadn't even noticed the plain brown boxes set out in a row.

"I missed those, the packaging is nowhere near as-

"-eye-catching, magnificent, mesmerising –"

" _Garish_ as normal."

George scoffed a laugh.

"Well you said it yourself you missed these ones. Our _wonderful_ packaging works."

I hummed my agreement before turning to the boxes, hoping that my apprehension wasn't showing. I wasn't a big fan of joke products really, I didn't like anything that altered my perception or left me with something I couldn't control. I chanced a nervous glance between the boxes and George only to take a step back in surprise to see that he had been looking at me intently.

"What?"

George ran a hand through his hair before he glanced at the boxes and then back to me.

"You're nervous."

Damn, he had noticed.

"Um, just a bit. I'm a pretty risk averse person and your joke products have a reputation you know."

I aimed for a teasing tone and at the small smile that appeared on George's face it seemed to have worked and I felt a surge of relief.

"Well nothing to fear from these. They'll just change your appearance a bit, sort of like our canary cream but these," he popped one of the boxes open, "Focus more on individual facial features, come see."

I took a step back closer and peered into the box. A row of what looked like blue marshmallows sat there.

"Well, they don't _look_ too harmful."

"Nah they're great, see here."

George popped one of the sweets into his mouth, chewed for a moment and then before my eyes the lower half of his face morphed into a duck's bill. I had no idea how they would even begin to work that sort of magic into a sweet to get it to do that.

"Can you even talk like that?"

It turns out that George in fact could talk with a duck bill for a mouth, or well slightly. Certainly he could sound out some of the words but the look of sheer concentration on his face as he attempted it soon had me helplessly giggling and before I could second guess myself I scooped up one of the sweets and popped it into my own mouth. If George was happy to make a fool of himself, in a good way, then there was no reason for me to be so apprehensive about doing the same.

It was the weirdest feeling, my mouth turning into a ducks bill. I mean I'd done transfiguration on myself before but it wasn't ever anything to do with animal transfiguration and what these sweets did didn't really feel like the same thing as a spell.

I think I laughed more over the next hour than I had for years. They'd managed to create sweets for facial features to morph into ten different types of animal features and the sheer absurdity of how we appeared was enough in itself to make me laugh. The effects didn't last for more than three minutes and George took the time between sweets to explain how tricky they had been to create, not just for them to actually work but to get the sweets tasting nice and all sorts of things that I wouldn't have even thought of.

He was however currently still doubled over against the worktable laughing at me as I put a protective hand up against my nose.

"S-stop laughing George, I can't make it stop twitching."

I managed to gasp out my words through my own giggles as George looked at me, his eyes streaming.

"You made the most ad-adorable rabbit face I've ever seen."

My nose twitched and George, who had slowly been catching his breath, started laughing again so I shoved him in response.

He was still sniggering to himself as he straightened before he dragged me over to a wooden door on the side wall.

"Here, let's go up to the flat as the shop's closed by now."

I gazed apprehensively as he opened the door to reveal a small wooden staircase.

"Are you this suspicious of everything? It's just some stairs Non. Look, completely harmless."

George had scoffed at me slightly, and I bit my lip. I supposed I was a bit overly suspicious but then that came with part of the job. He had bounded no more than three steps up however when a water balloon smacked him full in the face and he stumbled back. There was a beat of silence.

"FRED!"

George bellowed up to his twin but even as he started racing up the stairs, getting smacked by more water balloons on the way he was already laughing uproariously.

I followed at a slower pace, wondering if the twins were always like this. They seemed to have boundless energy and enthusiasm for well…everything. I couldn't get my head around it.

By the time I got to the top of the stairs and entered the flat, George and Fred were already tussling in the kitchen, one of the chairs making a slight screeching sound as the legs scraped across the floor as it was pushed out of the way.

"I'll – I'll just go, shall I?"

They paused almost comically mid fight, with George having Fred secured in a head-lock.

"No don't go, I just need to finish beating Fred up, won't be a mo'"

"He's all talk Non, George hasn't been able to beat me since we were three."

The scuffle started back up again and I just shook my head at them.

"I think it's safer if I leave. Bye George." I called as I started walking backwards away from the kitchen. "Bye Fred, it was nice knowing you."

Fred's shout of annoyance was matched with George's one of triumph as I giggled slightly and turned to leave. I had only just reached the door to the flat when a loud crash followed by the slamming of a door made me turn back around to see George hurrying along the hallway towards me, wiping his wet hair back from his forehead.

"Victory!"

He crowed in triumph and I couldn't help the amused smile that crossed my face before I let out a gasp of surprise.

"Oh here, I almost forgot to give you this."

I rummaged around in my bag, impatiently using my want to _accio_ what I needed before I handed a bundle of books to George.

"The greatest works of Mr Dahl. As requested."

George let out a small sound of surprise as he took the bundle from me, his fingers tracing along the spines.

"You got them. Thank you."

I was so flummoxed by George's abrupt switch from hyperactive to quietly sincere I didn't really know how to act so simply shrugged in response.

"I meant to ask you before Fred distracted me, but Ginny and her team are playing against Puddlemere United on Saturday and we've managed to get tickets. You want to come?"

I kept a small smile on my face even as I felt my anxiety start churning in my stomach on the inside. Merlin I hadn't been to watch a quidditch match since, my stomach swooped as I remembered, the league final in north Wales. I had to fight a blush as the flickering memory of the club flashed through my mind. I hadn't gone to any matches because since being diagnosed with PTSD I found large crowds too difficult to deal with. I also knew that Beckett wouldn't like me going anywhere so public with George in case the press spotted us.

 _Think Non, think of a reason why you can't go._

A reason did thankfully pop into my head and even better it was a legitimate one.

"I'm working on Saturday George, I'm sorry."

It should be impossible for anyone to look as crestfallen as George now did and I winced.

"I really am sorry."

"Can't you change your shift? I know Ginny would love it if you were there."

Oh that was low. Playing the Ginny card. I bit my lip as I thought. I mean part of my getting better was to try and start socialising and experiencing things again so maybe I could use this as an opportunity but really…going to a match, going with _George_ , and all where the press could see me, I really didn't think I could do that.

"Please?"

"Alright."

Oh for fucks sake. The word had slipped out before I even knew I'd thought it.

"I mean I'll try," I hurried to clarify. "I can't guarantee it, but I'll try."

George beamed.

"Brilliant! The match starts at two in the afternoon so we're looking to meet outside the main stand at half one so I'll see you there."

Ah shit, I was going to have to make someone switch shifts with me.

"Okay."

I turned to open the door and quickly stepped through. I was already feeling coils of panic about the weekend and all of a sudden the only thing I wanted to do was be home. I took a quiet breath before turning to face him, knowing what was coming next.

"Bye George."

"Bye Non."

And sure enough he leant in to envelop me in a hug. I didn't tense as much this time but I was still hesitant in hugging him back although I'd dome to realise that George wouldn't let me go until I did. I gave him an awkward wave after we parted and I quickly hurried down the stairs, taking in a big gulp of air when I reached Diagon Alley.

 _How the hell am I going to survive on Saturday?_

It was all I could think of for the rest of the week. It was like I was falling right back into all of my bad habits; I lost my appetite as I felt permanently nauseous and I kept myself awake at night agonising about how I was going to come. And to my misery, Gilden had even agreed to swap shifts with me. It was like the world was conspiring against me.

What was worse was that the swapped shift was for the early hours of Saturday morning which meant that I didn't even arrive home until just after eleven o'clock in the morning. It was the worst preparation for a stressful day that I possibly could have had.

I took my time getting ready. I needed to be as unobtrusive as possible so that people overlooked me which wasn't difficult, but what I really needed to do was try and ensure my face was hidden as much as possible.

I slipped in to my dark wash jeans that were tighter fitting than my normal ones. This allowed me to tuck the ends into my flat black boots that came up to my mid shin. They had the softest soles on any shoe I owned so I knew they would make next to no noise as I walked. I shrugged in to a dark grey t-shirt and made sure to pack a grey jumper for the evening in case the game went on that long. It was sunny here near Ynys Hir so I guessed it would be just as bright in London so I made sure to get my sunglasses out ready. After some rummaging as well I managed to find an old navy baseball hat and I charmed the front of it to bear the Holyhead Harpies logo. With that on my head and the glasses on my face I should be obscured enough. Finally I turned to my bag. It was only a simple small dark brown leather satchel but I wore it everywhere and there was a risk it could be recognised. I quickly muttered a spell and it morphed into a far more stylish grey handbag but it still had a long strap so I could wear it over my shoulder.

Finally satisfied with my appearance I locked up the house, took a deep breath and apparated. Puddlemere United played on the outskirts of London, fairly close to Twickenham, the sports ground for the muggle sport of rugby, and there were designated apparition points for arrival at the four corners. I moved out of the way quickly once I'd appeared, knowing there would be many others arriving after me and I took a moment to lean up against a wall and compose myself.

There were people _everywhere_. The noise was almost overwhelming. So many voices talking, shouting, laughing and they were all just being so normal and _happy_.

 _I wonder what that's like._

I tried to shut off that miserable trail of thought as I focused on calming my breathing and gazing around. There were numerous stands set up with people trying to flog their wares and even, I groaned quietly, Fred and George were holding court at the centre of a large flock of onlookers and they were absolutely in their element. I could see Hermione's familiar head of hair as she stood amongst the crowd, her arms folded but a small smile on her face. I hadn't really managed to see her this week but I wondered how she was feeling. She had always come to matches with Ron before.

I stood watching quietly even as the time crawled closer to two o'clock and the crowds started to disperse as everyone made their way into the stands. The twins had packed up their belongings, Fred talking quietly to Hermione although I could see George craning his head around to look about him and I bit my lip. I needed to walk over now.

I took a breath, counted to ten and as I exhaled I pushed off the wall to walk over to them. Fred and Hermione were turning to head through to the stands and they walked past without even glancing at me and I felt a weird mixture of relief that my outfit was working but disappointed that they hadn't even given me a second glance. George was still working on packing up boxes slowly before he shrank them to fit into a small case he had with him, and I knelt down quietly.

"Need a hand?"

George startled slightly before he gave me a double glance ducking his head slightly to try and see under my baseball cap.

"You came."

"Yeah of course. I just…"

I didn't know how to explain myself. Should I tell him how horrible I was feeling? I decided perhaps just telling him about Beckett would be enough explanation.

"My boss doesn't want me in the papers."

I glanced up, having to tilt my head back awkwardly to look at him from under my cap. There was a small frown on his face but as I tipped my head towards Fred and Hermione he glanced that way and I saw understanding spread across his face. They were both still walking towards the stands, Fred having made a stop at a stall for some refreshments, but there were three photographers following them.

"You're famous George. And I work with two of the golden trio. My boss will go nuts if another of his team becomes well known."

"Well that explains the hat."

He didn't look happy at all and I squirmed slightly.

"I've got these too." I waved my sunglasses at him and his frown deepened again.

"I won't be able to see your face."

"Neither will anyone else. That's kind of the point."

"I don't like it."

"I don't really have a choice George. It's this or I don't go to the match."

He stared at me hard for a moment before nodding. I wasn't really sure why he was bothered so much I mean, I was here wasn't I? I nodded at him and stood, whilst slipping my sunglasses on.

"Did you want anything to drink?"

"I wouldn't mind a butterbeer. Here hold on," George started rifling through his pockets for some money but I held out a hand to stop him.

"Hey it's on me. You got the match tickets right? I'll just be a sec."

I ignored his protests as I moved quickly to one of the stalls and hurried back when I had the drinks although I slowed slightly when I saw George had moved to stand with Fred and Hermione. Keeping my head slightly ducked down, although really I had no need to with what I was wearing, I soon joined them.

Hermione cast me an exasperated look but was at least fighting a grin as I shrugged my shoulders at her.

"Right shall we head in then?"

Fred sounded impatient so we all quickly made our way to the stands where our seats were. We were, thankfully, not in the posh seats. Those were normally bought out by sponsors and even though it was reserved for friends and families the ticketing space was limited and as I assumed Ron and Harry had the pleasure of the luxury seats for this match. Fred led us all to the main stand and started to climb up the steps. We were roughly half way up and to my horror I saw our empty seats were smack bang in the middle of a row.

Oh god, what if I needed to get out in a hurry? What if I panicked and everyone saw? What if I needed the loo? I fumed inwardly at that last thought. I'd bloody had a wee before I left the house, I wouldn't need to go again for ages why oh why did such irrational thoughts always plague me?

"After you."

George's voice and hand on my arm jolted me back to attention as I saw Hermione had already made her way to her seat quickly followed by Fred and I swallowed nervously before making my way forward with George just a step behind. Soon enough I found myself squeezed into my seat in between Fred and George and if I'd had hopes that we would be swallowed up in the crowd I was wrong.

The twins were of course wearing their bright lime green dragon hide jackets and added to that the presence of Hermione everyone around us was clamouring for their attention. If it was like this now it must have been unbearable right after the war. The twins seemed to take it in their stride, they were much better than Hermione at handling the attention and indeed they seemed to use it as an opportunity to promote their shop. I sat there as quietly as I could, one hand holding my bottle of butterbeer as I tried to stop my other tapping out a nervous rhythm against my knee.

I could feel the tightness in my chest that spoke of panic so I set myself the mission of working out the escape routes at the stadium and quickly clocked where the security guards were. I often found if I could focus on smaller things, or things that I would have to view as if I was working, it helped to calm me down.

Finally the crowd around us died down and the stadium announcers voice started to ring out and the two quidditch teams made their way on to the pitch. Even from this distance and with her hair tied up, Ginny still stood out. As the faint sound of the whistle blew, 14 broomsticks and their riders shot up in to the air and I felt the thrum of the roar of the crowd surge through me and I felt my legs begin to tremble. There was just too much adrenaline in my system.

In a way I was glad there were no backs to these seats, that we were effectively sat on long wooden benches, because it meant I could lean forward slightly, one of my arms tucked in around my midriff as I pretended fascination with the game when really I was counting the number of flags that were fluttering at the top of the opposite stand.

I was just starting to calm down when George started leaning in behind me to chat with Fred. The first time he did it I startled to badly some butterbeer even sloshed out of my bottle. It had now gotten to the stage that as he was sharing a running commentary with Fred he was permanently leant in, one hand steadying himself on the bench between Fred and I. His hand was so close to me it was practically touching the side of my thigh and I knew if I sat back upright it would look like I was sitting with his arm around me. What the hell was he playing at?

I cast him a slightly irritated glance but when he caught me looking in his direction he only gazed at me blankly and it took a second for me to remember I was wearing my sunglasses so he wouldn't be able to read my expression so I let out a sigh and turned my gaze forward again. By Merlin, this game was going on for hours and I shifted, slightly uncomfortable in my seat and I took full advantage of the opportunity of George leaving to get some more drinks when there was a break in play due to a blood injury to be able to straighten up in my seat and stretch. Glancing to my right I could see that Hermione was enthralled in a book and Fred was looking at her with a half irritated half amused expression. All I felt was envy – why the hell hadn't I thought to bring a book?

George settling himself back into his seat and waving a bottle of butterbeer under my nose drew me back to attention and I thankfully accepted the bottle from him with a small smile.

"You alright?"

"Oh yeah, it's a good match."

I think it was anyway.

George lent in a bit closer.

"You've been pretty much shaking in your seat the whole time. What's wrong?"

I snapped my head to look at him, nearly taken aback at how close he was given he'd leaned in to whisper it and I pressed my lips together tightly in annoyance. I mean for fucks sake part of why I'd been feeling so uncomfortable was that he had no concept of bloody personal space. I bit back those words though when I saw he seemed genuinely concerned but really, why did he always have to notice? Why couldn't he just pretend like I was okay like I was trying to do?

"It's just adrenaline George."

"The games not even exciting Non."

Ah okay, so not a good match.

"I just…I haven't been to a quidditch match since the Harpies won the league."

"You were there?"

George's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I felt my heart clench. Oh shit. So much for not mentioning north Wales. I flushed.

"Oh, yeah, why were you there?"

That's it Non, pretend complete ignorance. If he even has a shadow of a memory of seeing you do something stupid make him doubt it.

"Yeah of course, wouldn't have missed my little sister help win the league."

I smiled at that and as the whistle sounded again showing the game re-started I settled more comfortably in my seat with this time George providing me with an almost running commentary which meant I only had to nod along at the right places. He really, really loved this sport which was both endearing and slightly alarming. It was at times like he was living every moment out there.

As evening started to draw in and night lights started to appear to keep the sky lit, the game began to get more violent. I also, I cursed, had to take off my sunglasses. The temperature had also started to dip and after a second shiver I leant forward for my bag to retrieve a jumper only to feel something heavy settle against my shoulders. George had placed his jacket on my and I looked at it aghast. I couldn't wear this monstrosity.

"Er George, I've got a jumper in my bag."

He however simply ignored me as he was rummaging in his own small case and he soon sat back with a folded up navy blue knitted jumper in his hands and my jaw dropped.

"You have that and you gave me _this_ to wear?"

I'd blurted the question out before I could stop myself.

"What's wrong with the jacket?"

George cast me an affronted look and I bit my lip in embarrassment.

"Um…it's lime green?"

He snorted an amused laugh at me before pushing the jumper on to my lap, and removing the jacket from my shoulders.

"Fine, we'll swap."

I sat there flummoxed for a moment. I mean I didn't need his jumper when I had my own but he was looking at my expectantly and I shifted uncomfortably until another gust of a cool breeze decided it for me. I nervously eyed up the size of the neckline wondering if my hat would fit through it or if I'd have to take it off first. In annoyance I ducked my head down, took of the hat and put the jumper on in one swift moment. Or at least it's what I tried to do. I hadn't factored in how much more material would be on a man's jumper than the ones I usually wore. My head finally emerged back out in the open with my hair swept full across my face as I struggled to get my hands to appear at the end of the sleeves. One they were finally free I placed the hat back on my head and let out a sigh of relief as by Helga this jumper was _comfortable_. Ginny had always raved about how good her mum's knitting was but seriously – wow.

"Better?"

"Much. This is super comfy. Thank you."

I mean also ridiculously too big for me. George got distracted then by whatever was happening on the pitch and I set about to rolling the sleeves up so I could maintain proper use of my hands. I sniffed deeply as the breeze carried a lovely smell with it. It was a bit woodsy, almost like how the countryside at home smelt after it had rained and the sun came back out, earthy and green and nice. Which didn't make sense for London at all. I sat up straighter and turned around to scan the horizon. Was there a park somewhere near? I mean it had clouded over, perhaps there had been a localised shower or something which could explain it. I breathed in deeply again. Merlin this was going to drive me mad if I couldn't-

"LOOK OUT!"

I didn't even have time to process Fred's below before I had been yanked roughly to the left, a strong arm wrapping tightly around me as a body pressed me into the bench. There was a loud crash and splintering of wood and a few screams before the crowd settled down into excited babbling but I could hardly take it in. My heart was crashing in my chest and all I could think of was getting the body weight off of me and I jerked my shoulder hard in an attempt to dislodge it.

"Wait hey Non, hold on."

My world spun slightly as I was righted and I found myself sat on George's lap where he still had one arm wrapped tightly around me. He raised his left hand to my head to hold it steady before he leaned in to whisper quickly in my ear.

"It was just a bludger. You're alright. But there are four photographers on the way."

My fingers curled into the fabric of my jumper, or George's jumper really, as I fought to find some level of calm as I nodded my head slightly to let him know I'd understood. Just what the hell was wrong with me? I was the _auror_ for fucks sake, the whole superfast reactions to dangerous things was supposed to be my speciality and I winced slightly as I glanced down to see the gaping hole in the bench where I had been sat just seconds before. I saw with some relief that at least my bag had escaped unscathed.

I knew at the tingling at my fingertips that I wasn't breathing properly and I took a quick shuddering breath before taking another, slightly calmer one. I couldn't freak out in front of the press. It was bad enough this had happened though I supposed if I kept my back to them they couldn't get a decent picture of us.

"Non? Hey, look at me."

George moved his hand then to my jaw to tilt my head up. I tried to resist it but his hand was firm and I reluctantly looked up to see his nose just an inch or so from mine.

"What are you doing?"

I hissed at him in panic. Why was he so close?

"What's wrong?"

He seemed genuinely confused.

"We look like we're….we're…" dear Helga I couldn't find the word, "Canoodling!"

Oh well shit Non, don't use that one.

"Canoodling?" his lip twitched. "Can-can _oo_ dling?"

George's whole torso was starting to tremble.

"Oh go ahead laugh, ah shit I can't believe I even said that."

His hand at least did leave my face then and I was free to bury my face in the sleeves of the jumper in embarrassment as George Weasley laughed his face off holding on to me for balance and I sniffed in annoyance. And froze.

Oh for fucking fucks sake. It was the jumper that smelt so nice. The smell that had distracted me had been from stupid George Weasley's jumper. I could feel my face flame. I was never, _never_ going to admit this to anyone.

I soon realised that as we were so awkwardly placed in the crowd no one was going to come and fix the bench either and I was faced with the prospect of watching the rest of the match sat on George. If he noticed my continued trembling he didn't thankfully say anything this time but he kept one arm permanently around me. I don't think I'd ever felt so uncomfortable. I was hyper aware of his every moment, the stupid smell from the jumper kept wafting over me and all through it I couldn't help but berate myself that I had been so unaware of my surroundings that this had even happened in the first place. And I was just so tired. I hadn't slept in over twenty four hours and the stress of this whole day had nearly finished me off. It was with a huge surge of relief that Ginny caught the snitch and won the Holyhead Harpies the game.

"At a girl Ginny!"

"Flying like a true Weasley!"

The twins were ecstatic. It was weirdly nice seeing them so pleased for their sister but I was slowly coming to realise that for the Weasley's their family really were everything and it was amazing to see that they had the ability to show it publicly. There were so many families that didn't.

"C'mon, let's go and congratulate her before we head to the pub."

I scrambled quickly off George so I could pick up my bag before I started to follow him, Fred standing impatiently behind me. As we made it to the stairway though we soon became swept up in the crowd and I had to fight again to stay calm.

God I hated crowds. I really well and truly did. I felt like everyone was pressing in on me from all sides as I tried to catch my breath. This whole day had been a nightmare. I needed to get away.

"Hey George, I'm – I'm just going to pop to the loo."

I reached up to tap him on the shoulder to see if he'd heard me and as soon as I saw him nod I started to try and weave myself through the crowd. I'd clocked early on where the toilets were and thankfully my small size made it much easier to squeeze through the gaps. There was a bit of a wait at the ladies' toilets but I kept my head down as I waited patiently.

George was waiting for me when I made my way back outside and I had to hide a frown. I mean he was being nice but I really just wanted to be alone. I needed to go home and preferably pass out.

"Look, I'm going to head off."

"I figured you would."

I winced.

"Yeah, sorry to be so dull."

"You aren't dull. And stop apologising for things you don't need to."

I gazed at him unsure of what to say. Was he angry with me? He let out a frustrated sigh and walked closer.

"Look I know you don't want to go where it's crowded but I know a great place."

Panic coursed through me. No way, I seriously could not go somewhere else today.

"Nah c'mon Non don't shake your head, honestly it's really nice, trust me."

I stood almost paralysed with anxiety as George smiled reassuringly down at me, wrapped an arm around me and before I could blink I felt the squeezing sensation of apparition. I stumbled slightly as we reappeared and I wrenched myself away from him. Where the hell were we?

Panic, it was all I could feel.

"You-you can't just _do_ that George. You can't fucking apparate me places and not tell me where!"

"Wow hey Non just-"

"Fuck off George!" I snapped harshly as he reached for me again. "I just, I need to go h-home."

My breath caught embarrassingly on the last word as I had to fight back a sob and before I could even think it through I fumbled for my wand and apparated home.

I hit the ground hard and let out a groan. Shit, I shouldn't have done that. I hadn't even known where I was apparating from. I stood gingerly and checked myself over carefully, my breathing ragged. Well at least I hadn't splinched any part of myself. I fumbled slightly with my front door, leaning on it heavily as I closed it before I walked with wobbly legs to the kitchen where I sank to the slate floor, my back against a cabinet as I stared vacantly out the back door window. It was only as my hands desperately sought the feel of the cool slate only to be met with wool that I realised I was still wearing George's jumper that I started to properly cry.

I fumbled in my bag for a handkerchief and I angrily wiped at my eyes. I was still in the process of berating myself for having overreacted so much when Hermione came running in to the house.

"Non! Non are you here?"

"I'm here."

Merlin I sounded pitiful. Hermione rounded the kitchen cabinet looking confused for a moment before her eyes darted down and she saw me.

"Are you alright? Have you splinched yourself? George came back to say you'd gone home but…" she trailed off shrugging helplessly as I let out a groan and tried to hide my face. Great, now they all knew how I'd acted.

"I haven't splinched myself 'Mione. I mean I was stupid but I'm alright."

She let out a sigh of relief as she moved to sit by me on the floor.

"Well good. Look, George is just really worried that's all. Why don't we just go to the twins flat for a quiet drink? We don't need to go to the pub."

Hermione, bless her, tried to say that as brightly as she could to cover the fact that they were all just trying to placate me.

"I don't want people to change their plans because of me. Besides I just…I really need to just well probably lie down in a darkened room for a week if I'm being honest."

I tried to chuckle and turn it into a joke but Hermione cast me a disapproving look and my half smile fell.

"I just need to sit where it's quiet Hermione. Please. I can't go anywhere else today."

"I understand."

And I could see in Hermione's clear gaze that she did. I reached out and squeezed her hand.

"I'll just go and tell the twins. Truth be told I'd much rather be here too. That quidditch match was _long_. I'll be back soon, okay?"

I nodded silently but dropped my head into my hands after she'd left. This whole day really had felt like a huge step backwards. I hoped it was just because I was so tired because if it wasn't…I didn't want to think about that. Instead my thoughts jumped to George. And there they stayed even long after Hermione had gotten back and we'd moved ourselves to the living room, Hermione to curl up with a book and me to just lie on the sofa, gazing at nothing as all I could replay in my head over and over was the shock and hurt on George Weasley's face when I'd told him to fuck off.

 **A/N: Hello, sorry for the slight delay on this one, I'd wanted it posted last weekend but life got in my way.**

 **Welcome to my new followers**

 **And I hope you all enjoyed this, let me know your thoughts. And as ever a special thank you to those of you who take the time to review.**

 **Diolch/Thanks,**

 **Yav**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 15

I hesitated as I stood outside the door that would lead to the stairs up to George and Fred's flat. The dish of rhubarb crumble hovered in the air in front of me. What if the door was locked, how was I to get it? Last time I'd used this entrance Fred had been leading the way.

I glanced nervously about me, it was still relatively early on Sunday morning so there were no people about but I didn't want to risk being spotted. I had in fact been up for hours. I'd been woken by the dawn light as it filtered through my living room window where I'd forgotten to shut the curtains, and my neck still hurt slightly from having slept awkwardly on the sofa. Hermione had placed a blanket over me but I guessed she hadn't wanted to risk waking me.

As soon as I'd woken a horrible sinking feeling had settled in my stomach. I knew I had to apologise to George, to at least try and explain to him why I'd reacted as I had although I squirmed at that thought. I'd hardly even spoken to the girls about how anxiety bothered me, it was just plain weird to have to explain it to George. I mean really, I still hardly knew him.

I'd taken a long walk, taking in the noises of the birds as they started to wake before cooking up a decent breakfast, probably the best I'd had in weeks, and then finally set to baking the crumble. Okay so it wasn't exactly my best but I started work soon and knew I didn't have time to make a proper cake in apology.

I drew in a deep breath and as I let out a heavy sigh I finally reached my hand out to try the handle. To my amazement, the door clicked open and with another quick glance behind me I pushed it open and stepped inside, the crumble hovering along beside me. As soon as I'd stepped in to the hall the door shut loudly behind me and I had to quell down the thrum of nerves. I counted my breaths as I made my way slowly up the stairs before I steeled myself and knocked on the door to the flat. And waited.

And then waited some more. Shit, what if he wasn't in? I hadn't even thought of that. What if he was in the workshop? What if, my stomach sank further, he was at The Burrow? I really didn't feel up to a Weasley family gathering especially not when I didn't know how pissed off George was with me. What if I just hadn't knocked loud enough? I chewed on my lip as I raised my hand again ready to knock when I finally heard the sound of the door starting to open.

I felt a split second moment of panic where I seriously considered just abandoning the crumble and making a run for it but then the door was open and George stood there filling the doorway, one hand still on the door and I wondered if he was considering just shutting it again now he'd seen who was there. He was still in his pyjamas, just checked bottoms with an old grey t-shirt and he very much had bed hair. Shit, had I woken him up? He wasn't smiling. It was very un-George like and also I guessed a clear sign that he really was angry with me. He also hadn't said anything. I took a deep breath and tried to screw up my courage.

"Um, hi George. S-sorry if I woke you I just wanted to-to…"

 _Apologise Non, you want to apologise._

George's face was still expressionless, he clearly wasn't going to make this easy but I felt absurdly awkward being stood on his front door step. I tried again.

"May I come in?"

He considered me for what felt like a very long moment. His brown eyes didn't stray from my face and I had to fight the urge against squirming before finally he nodded.

"Sure, come on in."

He pushed the door open wider but didn't let go of it and I had no option but to duck under his arm slightly as I entered the flat. After he'd shut the door he brushed past me, one hand rubbing at the back of his neck as he led me towards the kitchen. I could see the leftover breakfast dishes and felt absurdly glad that at least I hadn't woken him. George was busying himself putting the kettle on and getting some cups ready for tea when I screwed up my courage again.

"I'm really sorry George."

There was no reaction. George just carried on making the tea. Shit, had he not heard me? I bit my lip. Should I just say it again? He turned then, indicating that I should sit as he took the seat opposite me, the cups of tea floating towards us before they settled on the table.

"What are you sorry for?"

Right okay, so he had heard me. I bit my lip again.

"Well, uh for, well for upsetting you."

"Why do you think I'm upset?"

I blinked at that question. I mean it was obvious, wasn't it?

"Because I-I shouted at you. I, well I told you to fuck off."

I could feel my face burning in mortification as I recalled it, but George was already shaking his head.

"That's not why I'm upset Non."

"I don't – I don't understand."

And I mean, I didn't. How could that not have upset him? George took a deep breath in through his nose and I could have sworn he was counting to ten silently.

"I can understand why you shouted at me Non. What I don't understand is why the hell you didn't tell me at the match that you needed to leave sooner than you did. I don't understand why you couldn't just say _why_ you needed to go. I wouldn't have just taken you somewhere if you'd just said Non. I'm not a bloody mind reader. "

"I didn't – I didn't want to leave the match."

"Non you hated every bloody second. Are you seriously trying to say that you _wanted_ to be there?"

His jaw was clenched and I could see a muscle ticking slightly in his check. His hands at least were only loosely clasped around his cup of tea. He was annoyed then although I didn't think anger was too far away.

"No I didn't want to be there but that doesn't mean I wanted to leave. No please, let me finish," I stumbled over my words as a scowl formed on George's face, "It was my first match in two years and I had to see it through. I just, I didn't want it to beat me. I know that probably doesn't make much sense."

I glanced down at my lap, I felt weird having admitted that. But it was true, I felt that if I had bailed half way through the match that my anxiety would have won. Annoyingly, George now didn't look like he was going to say anything and I hurried to fill the awkward silence.

"I mean ideally I'd have had a seat at the end of a row, and probably gone on my own so I didn't have to pretend that I was…"

I trailed off. Merlin I couldn't finish that sentence.

"Pretend that you were okay?"

I mean why finish my own thoughts when George will just do that for me right? I could feel my cheeks colour in embarrassment. Did he not get just how awkward and horrible this was for me, to admit that I was so pathetic I could hardly hold myself together to watch a game of Quidditch? I shrugged at him.

"Yeah okay no more shrugs Non. How about you try words."

I bristled at his reprimand.

"You know this isn't easy for me George. I don't even talk to the girls about it, not really. I mean you try telling someone you hardly know that you're so messed up you struggle to sit through a game of Quidditch."

"Stop that."

I startled at the sharpness of his words and glanced up to see his eyes blazing and I had to fight against shrinking back in my seat.

"You aren't messed up Non."

"George I struggle to even go to a bloody pub let alone somewhere where there's big crowds. So forgive me if I can see how messed up that is. You know normal people don't have that problem."

"Define normal."

My jaw dropped slightly even as I felt my brow furrow. What did he mean _define_ normal?

"Oh well you know, ordinary everyday people. People who don't get anxious."

"Or you mean people who've not had something traumatic like say a war, happen?"

George asked his question lightly but his eyes narrowed as I made a move to shrug my shoulders.

"Uh well I guess. I mean most people can handle sitting down to watch a sports match George."

"Most people don't live through a war Non. You know, Fred still doesn't like loud noises. Hermione is the twitchiest witch going. You know not to sneak up on her right? She'll hex you before she's even thought."

I blinked. I mean I never did sneak up on Hermione only because I hated when people snuck up on me. I was at a loss of what to say to George though and he let out a frustrated breath.

"Non, you aren't the only one to still be working through things. Not by a long shot."

Silence settled over us both as I thought over his words. It was on the same lines as what the girls had told me when I'd first admitted my problem to them. I guess I really should have just listened to them.

"I'm upset that I upset you."

I'd been so busy staring in to my cup of tea I nearly missed George's quiet words but my head shot up, startled.

"What?"

"I'm upset I upset you, because I didn't know what things bothered you. You need to talk to me Non, or you at least need to try. If you really hadn't wanted to go to the match you should have just said."

"But you looked so disappointed when I said I couldn't go because of work…. I didn't want to upset _you_ George. And you seem to like surprises, and you're spontaneous…you shouldn't have to change that because of me."

It was, I mused, just another clear bit of evidence that we weren't well matched.

"But it's fine for you to change what you would do to suit me?"

I opened my mouth to reply then shut it again. Shit, I didn't know how to answer that. I risked a glance at his face and was glad to see that the beginnings of a crooked smile forming on his face.

"I didn't think of it that way." I said the words softly. "It's only because I've been so tired it was so hard anyway. I know that now it's just yesterday I couldn't see it that clearly."

"Work's that bad?"

"Yeah well I'd come straight to the match after a double shift so it wasn't really great preparation."

I felt a slightly bitter smile freeze on my face. Shit why had I mentioned the double shift? I hadn't meant to let on about that at all. God, I hope he didn't notice.

"Double shift? Wait, Non did you – shit is that the shift you had to swap so you could come?"

I took a bit too long to look at him which seemed to be all the answer he needed as he cursed.

"I'm sorry Non, that was my fault."

I shook my head furiously at him.

"It isn't George. Not at all. If I hadn't have worked the double before the match I'd have had to work it after. Either isn't great but neither should be the reason why I can't keep a handle on things. That's on me."

I'd crossed my arms in annoyance only to see George had done the same. His jaw was clenched and I could feel a similar tension in my own as we tried to stare each other down.

"What are you two doing, practicing Occlumency?"

Fred snickered slightly as we both startled, George even smacking his elbow on the edge of the kitchen table.

"I thought you were down in the workshop?"

George rubbed his arm even as he gave his twin a half-hearted glare.

"I was Georgie, but potion brewing's hungry work. Say what's this?"

I glanced in surprise at the dish of crumble that was still hovering in the air beside me and I reached out to grab it before plonking it on the table.

"It's a peace offering. For George," I clarified as Fred made to investigate it further and he pouted.

"Excellent."

George crowed slightly as his arm snaked out to snag the dish to his side of the table as he breathed deeply.

"Rhubarb crumble?"

I inwardly squirmed at the small smile on his face but managed to nod, only to fight squirming again as his smile grew. Really I should have been relieved, it was much better than the blank expression he'd been wearing most of the time I'd been here this morning.

"But it's more for pudding not breakfast…" I trailed off as George quickly set to using the spoon he'd just summoned to eat a mouthful of the crumble.

"Mmmm, Non that is _good._ Honesty Fred, it's the best crumble. Shame you can't try some."

Fred scowled and flicked an apple at George who casually ducked out the way.

I took that as my signal to leave as I pushed my chair back slightly and stood. I really wasn't in the mood for a George and Fred encounter. George on his own was more than enough for me to process. George's spoon clattered as he dropped it in the dish as he stood as well.

"You're off? Don't you want to come to lunch at mum and dad's?"

"Oh I can't, I start work in a bit."

"Again? Don't you ever get a full day off?"

I gave Fred a half wave goodbye which he acknowledged with a nod as I started to head down the hall to the front door, George keeping pace behind me.

"Not really George. We've got a couple of big cases on at the moment. It won't be forever."

I mean I really hoped it wouldn't, but the staffing issues were something of a worry.

"Well alright." We'd come to a stop at the front door which George opened for me. "Just, let me know when you're free next?"

I bit my lip as I nodded, not surprised at all this time when George wrapped me into a hug.

"Oh wow you're right, this crumble _is_ good!"

I felt George tense at Fred's shouted words.

"Ah shit, I left it in the kitchen, rookie mistake." He pulled away from me slightly to look down at me. "See you soon Non."

"Uh yeah, alright. And I really am sorry."

This time I did let out a squeak of surprise as George hugged me tight again. I felt a bit flustered when he finally drew back and I ducked my head even as I gestured in the direction of the kitchen.

"You uh, you better go save your crumble."

"Right you are Non."

"Bye George."

As I walked down Diagon Alley to head towards work I mused that perhaps that hadn't gone as badly as I'd feared. But still, George was now wanting me to _talk_ about things and I didn't like the idea of that at all. I mean, I hated talking about things that bothered me. And I thought guys were supposed to be non-talkers about feelings. Why couldn't George just be like that?

My week trudged along in a blurring monotony of shifts at the warehouse combined with my normal auror duties of processing arrests and all of the other outstanding more petty crimes that cropped up in the magical society. All throughout I was also having to keep on high alert for Aurors Stent and Proctor so I could be sure to act a bumbling, giggling version of myself.

Thankfully they weren't around too much although on Wednesday I had heard Proctor erupting in a rage in Beckett's room as the three of them had met. I couldn't be certain it was to do with my anonymous request for the staffing records at Azkaban but it was hard to think what else it could be. It wasn't until Thursday that anything truly of interest happened at all.

I sat at my desk, my favourite battered quill twirling slowly in my hands as I gazed mournfully at the outstanding cases tray. It was overflowing. When I had been on desk duty I had at least kept it down to levels where you could actually _see_ the top of the tray. My eyes tracked Aurors Hopkiss and Monart as they dutifully followed Gilden form the office, Merlin I missed working with them.

"Oh stop that Llewellyn."

I startled slightly at the irritated voice and frowned at Ron who was looking at me with a hint of disgust.

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking like Gilden's stolen your favourite puppies."

I scowled.

"I bloody wasn't. I just miss working with Hopkiss and Monart that's all. We made a good unit."

"Why," Ron snorted, "Because they let you call the shots and you had nobody telling you what to do?"

"That's, that's preposterous Weasley." I was well aware I was sputtering and I searched for more words. "They'd gather the evidence for me to look over, that's all. It was a system that worked well."

A stifled laugh had me glaring over at Harry's desk where all I could see was the top of his very messy head.

"Did you say something Potter?"

"Not at all," the cheeky grin on his face should have prepared me, "Although you _do_ seem to have trouble taking orders."

My jaw dropped. That was absurd. I took orders all the time. I mean I had to, otherwise Beckett would fire me.

"Unless you can provide me with an example I'm calling bullshit."

I crossed my arms and glared at them. Ha, see if they could find anything.

"Monday. Beckett ordered that the tea area be rearranged and the only one who argued was you."

I blinked. Shit, Ron hadn't even waited a second.

"Tuesday. I ordered you to go in and make the arrest-"

"I did make the arrest!" I couldn't help myself from interrupting Harry.

"-whereby you questioned me for nearly five minutes before you finally agreed to do it."

"You know seeking clarification for something isn't wrong."

"No, not always. But when your superior orders you to do something in the field, you're supposed to do it."

I pulled a face. I mean he did have a point. I just had thought going in to arrest straight away was a bit heavy handed.

"Just because I don't like doing things without being able to ask questions doesn't mean I can't follow orders. I mean what if the orders are stupid? I'm meant to what, blindly follow it? Like that stupid tea thing on Monday. That tea area is perfectly fine, Beckett only wanted to change it because he was having a hissy fit."

"A hissy fit?"

"Yeah that's right he-." I froze. Neither Ron or Harry had spoken, in fact, they both looked like they were trying not to laugh. I swivelled around in my seat slowly. Of fucking course, it was Beckett.

"Perhaps that was the wrong choice of words."

I tried to send him an innocent smile but I quailed slightly at the snarl that broke across his face.

"You," he jabbed a finger in my direction, "Will go and rescue Benson on reception from whatever imbecile journalist is bothering him and then you will fix the tea area. No questions, no _clarification_ , do I make myself clear?"

To be honest, I did have a question. Why on earth was he sending me to rescue Benson from a journalist when he'd specifically told me to stay away from the press? I mean that really was stupid. I swallowed down my words though as I nodded my head stiffly before I stood, shooting a side glare at Ron and Harry who were pretending to work, before I stomped out of the room grumbling to myself.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that Benson couldn't handle a persistent journalist. I mean he was fairly easy to intimidate, he even found me intimidating when most thought I looked like I was perfectly harmless. Then again maybe that made him smart…

I came to a pause in the corridor as I narrowed my eyes at the reception desk in front of me. I knew that blonde head of hair. It was Rita Skeeter. I set my face into a sweet smile as I ambled closer.

"You needed to see me Benson?"

Both figures jumped at my voice but Benson cast me a half relieved half terrified look and I sidled closer.

"Oh y-yes it was just that Ms Skeeter here needed information and I-I've tried to tell her that as a clerk I can't divulge anything."

"Oh come now Benson we both know that wasn't the only thing I was asking for."

My smile froze. Helga she was practically purring at Benson who was staring at her transfixed as he swallowed heavily. Eww, this was, urgh this was gross. I did not want to be party to a flirting Rita Skeeter.

"What is it you need Ms Skeeter?"

"Why only the tiniest bit of information Auror…." She trailed off, clearly hoping I would divulge my name. I didn't.

"What information would that be?"

"Well it's just a follow up on that muggle murder. Our readers are desperate to know more. It's been a couple of weeks now and we don't want the public to think the Auror department aren't doing their job now do we."

"Of course not Ms Skeeter. You can advise your readership that we are working closely with our muggle counterparts in the police force and that we are narrowing down the options. Progress, albeit slow, is being made."

It was the most I could give her. If I declined to comment she would just spin it in a negative light. She's probably put a bad spin on this too but I felt like I'd worked in enough that she couldn't do a hatchet job. There had been another thought on my mind, just the seed of a thought but with Skeeter in front of me it felt too good an opportunity to miss. I pretended to hesitate slightly before I spoke again.

"Mind you we'd be making quicker progress if we weren't so short staffed."

"Short staffed? What do you mean?"

There was a hungry gleam in her eyes. Good, at least I'd got her interested. I shrugged dejectedly.

"You tell me. I can't even remember the last time I had a full day off, isn't that right Benson?"

Benson was making a strangling noise and I patted him on the shoulder.

"So you see Ms Skeeter, we're really very busy. Was there anything else you needed?"

"Why no dearie I think that's enough to be getting on with. See you around." She directed her parting comment at Benson with an outrageous wink and it was all I could do to keep my face fixed with my sweet smile. I would need more therapy if this continued.

I clapped Benson on the shoulder again, ignoring his splutters as I hummed happily back down the corridor towards my desk. I really hoped she'd take the bait. If she started sniffing around the staffing records of the auror department it would throw all suspicion her way about the anonymous requests. The more I could do to keep people off finding out it was me, the better.

I shifted a bit in my seat, pulling at my bra straps a bit as they had started to become a bit uncomfortable before I grabbed the next case load of work and I threw a smirk in Ron and Harry's direction.

"See. I followed orders."

"Yeah, the tea area looks completely sorted out."

I pulled a face at Harry. Shit. I'd forgotten about that part. I decided to ignore their laughter instead as I ducked my head down to work muttering to myself. I didn't have trouble following orders. I bloody didn't.

The rest of my day didn't really get better and my bra got more and more uncomfortable.

"I am going to burn this fucking thing!"

I bellowed out to Hermione as I shoved the front door open, kicked off my shoes and started to unhook my bra strap through my t-shirt. As soon as it unhooked I felt immediate relief. I slipped the bra straps down over my arms before reaching under my t-shirt to pull the offending garment out. Merlin that was better.

"Seriously, remind me Hermione, I knew I should have binned it after last time."

I stretched out the straps as I walked into the living room before releasing the bra with a ping to send it sailing across the room. I tracked it with my eyes and let out a startled shriek as it hit George Weasley in the face. Holy shit. My bra has just hit George in the face. George Weasley is in my living room and I've just flung my bra at him. Why is George in my living room? Scrap that, _how_ the fuck is George in my living room? I've never invited him here and he shouldn't be able to get pass my wards.

"Well now that's an entrance."

I let out a strangled scream as I whirled to see Hermione sat on the sofa with an openly grinning _Fred Weasley_.

How the fuck were they both here?

"What – how – what – how are you both here?"

My eyes darted between George's stunned face and Fred's amused one although I felt a frown forming when I clocked Hermione's face, she actually looked upset. I however was too busy trying to calm myself down.

 _If George and Fred can get in here it means my wards don't work._

I felt a surge of alarm as I sped across the room to one of my book cases.

"I mean you shouldn't be able to get in. I didn't invite you. How the hell are you here?"

My searching hands finally found the heavy bound book I wanted and I hefted it on to the coffee table with a thud before I desperately started to search the pages.

"I-I invited them Non. I'm so sorry, I know I should have asked first."

"But that doesn't make sense 'Mione. My wards don't work that way. I have to be the one that asks."

I hadn't glanced up as my eyes searched the pages. Shit, shit where the hell was the section I needed?

"My home is yours."

"What?" I cast a distracted glance at Fred.

"It's what you said to Hermione. 'My home is yours'. Wouldn't that mean that she has the same control over the wards as you?"

My hand paused in the middle of turning the page as I cast my eyes around the room.

"I suppose, I mean that could be it. I'd need to double check to be sure though…hey where's George?"

I craned my neck around in case he was behind me but the room was empty, the chair he'd been sat in was vacant too save for my stupid bloody bra.

"I suspect he's leaving."

I shot an alarmed look at Fred.

"What, why?"

I didn't like the look Fred gave me, it was half exasperated half angry before the reason hit me smack in the face. Well shit he probably thought I didn't want him here. I raced out of the room to see the front door was open.

"George! Hey, George!"

I called desperately as I ran down the garden path to see George had just got to the gate. I was lucky I guessed that he hadn't already apparated away. He stopped at least but he didn't turn to face me and I eyed the tension across his shoulders wearily. Was he upset, or just plain angry?

"I'm sorry. If it sounded like I didn't want you here. I was freaking out that my wards hadn't been working but I uh, I think they're actually fine. G-George?"

I reached out a tentative hand to touch his shoulder and he immediately moved out of my reach although he did at least turn to face me, with his arms crossed. Oh Merlin he was pissed off. He was looking as angry as Fred had the day we'd all found out who we were paired with.

"Do you want me here?"

"Of course I do!"

"Really? When would you have invited me?"

Merlin, George had a very intimidating glare. I felt myself shuffle slightly before I frowned. This was my home after all and it was up to me when I invited people back here. I squared my shoulders.

"When I felt ready to. I'm a really private person George, and not many people have access to my home. I'm not mad Hermione invited you both though, in fact I'm glad."

I felt my own surprise at my words. Was I really glad they both now had access? Weirdly, I thought I was. That really was some turnaround from getting alarmed at the mere mention of the twins names, to now being happy they had access to my home.

"When would you have felt ready to?"

Okay so, he was still angry.

"Well I dunno George, when I felt I'd gotten to know you a bit better."

"You know getting to know someone means making an effort Non . Have you even been trying?"

I gaped at him, stunned. He _knew_ I'd been trying. I mean shit, I only went to the stupid Quidditch match for him.

"Oh by the way there's some books inside for you from Bill. Apparently you called in to the bank to see him. Nice of you to let me know he'd be dropping stuff off."

"I didn't – I didn't call into the bank to see him. I went to see Susan. I just bumped into Bill after…"

I trailed off, what exactly did George want me to say? God he was being so pissy. Had I really upset him that badly?

"I-I really am glad you're here." I stopped myself from reaching out to place a hand on his arm again given how he'd reacted the last time. "Did – did you want a tour of the place?"

George glanced at me for a long moment before letting out a heavy breath and rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Alright."

"Okay good! I'm just – er I'm just going to get changed first. Why don't you wait with Fred and Hermione?"

And shit I needed to remove my bra from the room.

"You alright there Non, you're looking a bit pink?"

Oh god why was he commenting on my blush now when he never normally mentioned them? I shot him a quick look to see a rather wicked gleam of amusement on his face. I supposed it was better than his angry glare, though only just.

"I'm – I'm just trying to forget the fact I accidently flung my bra at you."

"Well it's certainly the most unique welcome I've ever had. Not sure I'll ever forget it."

I groaned. He bloody wouldn't either would he? I felt him chuckling beside me and left him to it. A happier George was much nicer to deal with even it was at my expense. I got changed in record time before I headed back to the living room. Whilst I'd been upstairs my brain had managed to catch up and I levelled Hermione with a serious look.

"What happened?"

"Oh, nothing!"

"So it's just a coincidence you invite people here for the first time ever on the same day you're sat on the sofa looking really upset?"

I felt a bit bad at her stricken look but she kept her mouth firmly closed.

"She wouldn't tell us anything either."

"Fred!"

"What 'Mione, you bloody wouldn't. We bumped into her behind The Leaky," Fred clarified for me, "and when we couldn't get any sense from her she asked us back here."

"You two didn't exactly give me much choice."

I tried to hide a smile at how petulant she sounded but the glare she sent me told me I wasn't successful.

"So you don't want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Alright then."

I ignored George and Fred's muttered protests, clearly they had been badgering Hermione for information for a while and I knew she would only get more and more resistant. Best to wait until they'd left and she felt less cornered.

"So," I clapped my hands together, "Do you two want a tour?"

I mean, it wasn't really much of a tour. My cottage was after all, rather small. The living room they had already seen so I led them in to the kitchen diner before heading out to the back garden.

"Wow."

I cast a confused glance at George. I mean my garden was nice but it wasn't exactly wow. I turned to stare at it again. I supposed the view today was quite nice on a sunny evening. At least the mountains in the distance looked pretty cool.

"Eh, it's just a garden." I shrugged. "I've got the muggle part closest to us here, and down the bottom is the greenhouse with all the magical plants. I've also got a wild area for the garden gnomes so they don't bother the rest of the garden."

"You sure about that?"

I frowned at Fred's question to see he was staring at the rows of carrots. Where there was a fucking garden gnome trying to dig one up.

"Cachwr."

I grumbled the insult under my breath.

"I won't be a mo'!"

I hurried across to the carrots and delighted in the squawk of alarm the gnome gave when it clocked sight of me but it was too slow and I soon had it dangling head first from my hand.

["Come here you little shit, did you forget we had a deal?"]

["A geroff me, I couldn't help it. I was hungry, we all was!"]

["I planted plenty of food in your patch too, if you look after it properly you'll have food the whole time."]

I'd reached the wild patch of my garden now and I placed the gnome on to the ground but I held on to him as I levelled him with a serious glare.

["No more stealing of my food. If you do, I'll evict all of you from this garden. You understand?"]

I got a string of swear words back before the dejected gnome finally nodded his agreement. I hummed happily to myself as I spun back around to head back to the twins. I was part way there when a loud musical roar echoed through the sky and I had to stifle a laugh as they both dove for cover.

"What's the matter, you not heard a dragon before?"

I really did laugh at the identical scowls they sent my way before I turned to gaze at the sky. It took me a few seconds but finally, a tiny speck in the distance, showed me where the dragon was.

"It's really far away don't worry although, whenever you're here, always remember to check the skies. Welsh Greens can be sneaky, you won't always hear them coming."

"If you were going for reassuring, that didn't really work Non."

I smirked at George as we all headed back into the kitchen.

"It's just what life in the wilds of Wales is like that's all. So that's it really. Not much to see here, all very dull."

"Yes, because having dragons on your doorstep is very common place."

I laughed at Fred's quip only to see he was looking at George with an amused smile on his face, and I glanced at George in confusion. He looked completely normal to me.

"I think it's amazing."

I felt my anxiety uncurl in my stomach as George gave one of his funny smiles again and I shifted awkwardly.

"Oh well it's you know, home. I uh-" I cast around for a change of topic, "I mean do you both want to stay for food?"

Ah no, now why did I ask that? I felt my stomach flip as they answered yes.

"Alright well, why don't you both go back to the living room while I get things ready."

Fred thankfully went without a second thought, George however insisted on trying to help me.

"No seriously George, you're a guest it wouldn't be right. I cook this all the time, it'll be easier if I just do it myself."

It took a good five minutes or arguing before he finally conceded and sat himself at the kitchen table casting me a mock glare. I hid in the pantry for a good long moment as I tried to compose myself. What if I didn't cook it properly? What if I messed it up? What if I gave them food poisoning?

That final almost hysterical what if was enough for me to snap at myself inwardly. I was being ridiculous. I cooked shepherd's pie all of the fucking time.

 _Stop undermining yourself Non._

I took a deep breath as I headed back into the kitchen, praying my wand hand wouldn't shake as I set about the spells that would chop all of the ingredients for me.

"So you do all of the cooking?"

George's question startled me so much my board of chopped up carrots dipped horribly as I was in the process of adding them to the pan.

"Oh um, yes. I mean Hermione's not…" I trailed off and cast a nervous glance in the direction of the other room in case she could hear me. "She's still learning. Besides, I've been cooking for myself since school."

"Did you teach yourself then?"

"Oh no, my mam taught me to cook the muggle way but it was Percy that taught me all the spells for chopping and things."

"Percy."

I glanced at George in confusion. He'd almost sounded annoyed but his face seemed completely calm, with his normal half smile.

"Yeah that's right."

"Percy's been here before?"

"Yeah. I mean he and Audrey helped me fix the place up. It wasn't exactly habitable when I bought it, it had been empty for years."

I finished putting all of the ingredients into the pan as I added the stock to let it simmer for a few minutes before I turned my attention to prepping the potatoes.

"This isn't the house you grew up in?"

I froze for a moment before turning to face George. His smile was all but gone and I bit my lip unsure of what to say.

"Uh, no. That house is up on the north side of the reservation, this place is on the west side. It wasn't safe to go back to it, structurally I mean, so yeah I uh, got here instead."

I busied myself with the potatoes again as they came to the boil in the hopes to make the conversation feel less awkward.

"So who exactly does have access to this place?"

I chanced a glance at George, and his half smile was back. Whilst I was glad for the conversation to move into a different direction he really did seem to be full of questions today.

"Well let me see there's Hermione, Percy, Audrey, Ginny, Harry, Ron, Luna, Susan and well, now you two."

"What, that's it?"

I sent him a half smile of my own, though it felt more sardonic than amused.

"Who else would I ask?"

George didn't answer my question and I took the opportunity to pour the filling of the pie into a dish as I set about draining and mashing the potatoes. A quick flick of my wand had the oven firing up before I spooned the potatoes carefully on top and slid the dish into the oven.

"Righty, thirty minutes and it'll be ready. I can do the broccoli and peas just before it's ready to serve."

There was no reply. In fact George had been really very quiet for nearly five minutes. I turned around slowly and my eyes widened in alarm to see he was still sat at the kitchen table but he was looking intently at my planner.

 _He's going to think I'm crazy_.

"Uh that's – that's – I like to be organised."

George glanced up at me with wide eyes.

"Organised? Merlin, Non you've nearly accounted for every minute."

I hurried over the table and tried to snatch it away from him but he quickly moved it out of my way.

"Hey, George, hey give that back to me."

"You cannot possibly survive on this work rota Non, this is impossible."

"Give it here George, I need that."

George however wouldn't give it up and we were soon in a full-fledged bickering match whilst I desperately tried to get my planner back as George always held it tantalisingly out of reach. It had reached the point where I'd been forced to practically half clamber over him in pursuit of it when I heard a huge crash from the living room that sounded horribly like the breaking of a piano. My heart plummeted and I let out a strangled grasp.

 _They can't, they can't have broken it._

Before I could even process that I'd moved I stood in the doorway to the living room unable to believe my eyes. My piano, that I hadn't touched in what had to be nearly three years, was broken. Half of the keys lay strewn on the floor as the front panel was smashed and a great crack had appeared in the body of it. I could see Hermione was casting me an upset but nervous look while Fred stood there sheepishly an almost half smile flickering at the side of his mouth and I could see he was going to try and joke away the situation.

"That was my mothers."

Fred now looked like he'd swallowed curdled milk. I couldn't process what I was feeling. Was I angry? Upset? I couldn't stop staring at it. How was I supposed to react? A sharp intake of breath made me aware that George was behind me.

"We'll fix it. Right Fred?"

"Uh yes, of course! Just an accident Non, we'll have it back to normal in no time."

George had joined his twin at the piano while Hermione steered me in to the kitchen to leave them to it.

"It was an accident Non."

"Oh I know that I just…" I gestured helplessly with my hands as though that would explain it.

"C'mon let's get you some wine. Merlin knows I need some and no, I won't tell you yet why I was upset. I will once Fr – they're gone."

Well now that at least distracted me enough that I could accept a glass of wine gratefully. By the time the twins had in fact managed to fix the piano (or at least it looked fixed, I would have to wait until I had the place to myself to test it out properly) dinner was ready. There was a slightly awkward silence at the table to begin with until Fred let out a grunt of pain and glared at George.

"What did you do that for?"

George however didn't reply and instead they held what seemed to be an intense silent conversation. Hermione and I cast slightly amused if not alarmed glances at each other as their silence continued. Finally George broke away and happily set to eating again.

"I'm sorry I damaged the piano Non."

I paused with my fork halfway to my mouth. Had they really been having a silent conversation about apologising?

"Uh that's okay Fred. Hermione said it was an accident so…" I trailed off with a shrug.

Fred nodded happily before we all set about eating again. It was actually getting on to being nice and relaxed with just quiet talking until Hermione took a sip of her wine, promptly turned into a Flamingo and then ten seconds later reappeared as her normal self. You know if I were Fred I'd have scarpered by now by the way Hermione's fist had closed over the handle of her fork.

"Is everything alright Hermione?"

He was definitely far braver than I. The impish grin he was sending her way was designed to annoy and I could see her nostrils flare before she took a deep calming breath, picked up her wand and emptied the contents of her glass with a quick mutter before she refilled it with wine and took a large gulp.

"Oh yes thank you Fred. Everything is absolutely fine."

Dinner continued in that way with Fred purposefully needling Hermione. I cast a nervous glance at George, was he going to do something similar? But he just seemed happy enough to dish up seconds of food. I had another bickering match with George when it came to cleaning up but we both seemed to feel it safer to step away from the table as Hermione looked like she was about to erupt and neither of us wanted to be on the end of one of her hexes.

Miraculously though it seemed that Fred had discovered the balance of just winding her up enough before he'd say something so amusing he'd then have Hermione trying not to laugh. Really she looked torn between laughing with him, or simply throttling him.

"Oh I know, let's play a game!"

Fred had a gleam in his eye as he hurried into the living room. I mean I did have some games stored in there I supposed but I couldn't remember the last time I'd played them. He came back and plonked the box on the table with a triumphant bow. I edged towards it hesitantly and pulled a face. It was 'Risk'. I was no good at that game at all, in fact Ron and Harry had teamed up to buying it for me knowing that I wasn't good at it after we'd all played it in a muggle pub one time. Honestly, they were _such_ a delight to work with.

"You know, that's not my favourite…"

"Good, good I knew you'd like it." Fred talked over me as he started to set up the board and George quickly moved to sit by him.

"Oh no, no way are you two working together. If we're doing teams, you are most definitely being separated. You'll cheat."

The twins froze before casting identical angelic smiles at Hermione.

"Why whatever do you mean Hermione? You can't think that _we_ would dare cheat?"

"Is your opinion of us so low?"

"I fear I shan't recover George, I have been wounded, a mortal blow, however shall I recover?"

The twins continued to get more and more melodramatic but Hermione just stood there, arms crossed as she waited for them to finish.

"Are you done?" she asked testily as they nodded in unison. Merlin it was creepy. "Good, you aren't going to be on the same team."

George and Fred looked at each other briefly before turning to stare back at us, identical wicked grins spreading over their faces.

"Alright."

I felt a surge of alarm and cast Hermione a panicked look. I didn't want to be on a team with either George or Fred. Even Hermione was looking a bit doubtful but whatever protests either of us had were thwarted when Fred ushered her into a seat next to him and George sank into a seat next to me and shifted his chair closer so our legs and arms were practically touching.

"Ready to crush them?"

I nearly jumped at his whisper in my ear and I scowled up at him as he chuckled, before he moved to open a bottle of beer and I frowned. Where on earth had the beer even come from? I shook my head slightly as I leant up to whisper a response but I froze when I realised the side of George's head closest to me was the one without an ear. Oh shit.

"I uh-" I stuttered, flushing a brilliant red as I leant back and George cast me a confused look before understanding flashed across his face. He grinned at me before turning his head and pulling at his remaining ear before leaning in. Oh god I really was such a socially awkward arse.

"S-sorry George I didn't mean I…" I trailed off before leaning in to whisper as I didn't want Fred to hear me. "I'm um, I'm not very good at this game." I glanced up at him guiltily.

"Nonsense Non," George took the moment to fling an arm around my shoulder as he leant in closer, "We'll crush the pair of them together, you'll see."

What followed was the weirdest game of Risk I'd ever played, which mainly consisted of Hermione and I trying to reign in Fred and George respectively. I couldn't say we were having much success. We'd each almost won on numerous occasions but we were now at a stage where we were bogged down in South America and I had to stifle a yawn. This was another reason I didn't like this game, sometimes it could go on for far too long.

I'd already told George what I wanted our next move to be but he was busy occasionally muttering to himself and randomly tweaking my hair as I half-heartedly slapped his hand away. I'd learnt by now that it didn't deter him at all. Hermione to my surprise was frowning heavily at George, but I was more transfixed with how Fred was staring at Hermione. He hadn't taken his eyes off her for a good five minutes but I couldn't read his expression at all.

"Are you ever going to make your move?"

Hermione's snapped question seemed to wake us all from a trance and George stuttered slightly.

"Oh you mean the game. Right yes of course, yes I think we'll go for…" he trailed off as he rolled the dice before he let out a happy sound.

"We've got them crushed Non, just you see."

I shivered slightly as his words tickled my ear but it turned out he was right. Within three moves we had annihilated Fred and Hermione from North and South America, taken over Africa _and_ secured our hold on Europe. In another three goes we'd won.

"Victory!"

George pulled me up from my seat to spin me around the table even as Fred scowled half- jokingly and Hermione made to start clearing the board game away. I tried hard to stifle a yawn as George finally stopped twirling me although it took a while for the room to stop spinning.

"Well we'll be off then. Need my beauty sleep don't you know."

Fred winked at me and I giggled lightly before rolling my eyes and I glanced up at George who was now looking very sleepy.

"You're right you do need it."

"Well if I need it, _you_ need it."

"Nonsense, we all know I'm the better looking twin."

"Are not."

"Am too."

It was an easy free flowing banter that they had, even as they said it sleepily, like they knew their lines so well it was second nature and I hummed happily to hear it.

"G'night then George."

I amazed myself by not even tensing when George hugged me this time. I supposed maybe I really was getting used to it. Or it was the wine. Yeah you know, it was probably the wine.

"G'night Non."

Hermione and I watched from the door for a moment as the twins headed down the front path before I shut the door and secured it with a locking charm.

"Right I know you've got questions for me Non but I'm so – so sleepy…" Hermione did indeed trail off with a yawn and it was only a few seconds before I was yawning along with her.

"I do have questions but they'll wait for the morning."

"Alright, thanks Non. Good night."

It was the first time in a long time that night that I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

 **A/N:**

 **Okay so Cachwr is a Welsh word that means a shit person, or a coward. It can also be along the lines of saying 'You little shit' in English.**

 **Hello to all my new followers. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. I had wanted to include more but as ever the chapters seem to run away from me. Hopefully I'll have a couple of plot progressing chapters for you soon.**

 **Thank you so much if you've taken the time to follow, favourite and review. It means so much.**

 **Diolch/Thanks,**

 **Yav**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 16

I'd made sure to get up before Hermione the next day and I was just finishing up making scrambled egg to go with grilled tomatoes on toast for breakfast when she made her way into the kitchen yawning.

"Morning Non, god that smells good."

"Can't beat a good breakfast after drinking the night before."

Hermione hummed her agreement as she set about making us some tea and I started to plate everything up at the table. I left Hermione in peace as she ate but I was itching with curiosity to find out what had upset her the day before. After she'd finished eating and had absentmindedly rubbed at her scarred arm again I couldn't restrain myself any more.

"So c'mon then 'Mione, spill. Why were you so upset and why didn't you want Fred to know the reason? It's not about Ron, right?"

I'd seen Ron the day before and it was always obvious when he and Hermione had had a fight and he'd been actually almost cheerful, so I really didn't think he was the reason.

"No it's not Ron. In fact we've actually managed a few proper conversations this last week which is progress I guess."

Hermione fought a grimace as her thoughts strayed to Ron before she shook her head slightly and sighed.

"It was something to do with work actually but I'm not sure if I should tell you. It's a bit…delicate?"

It was very strange to see Hermione Granger so flummoxed. But she was rubbing at her arm again, at her mudblood scar, and that only got my mind working one way. I still remembered the overheard conversation of the aurors at Azkaban.

"Is it something to do with anti muggle born sentiment at the Ministry?"

Hermione snatched her hand back from her arm but it was more the shock on her face that made me know I'd guessed right.

"I've overheard some of it myself 'Mione," I explained with a gentle smile, "So why not just go ahead and tell me?"

"Well it's…it's a bit more complicated than that. You know I was in the same school year as Malfoy so I can normally brush off petty insults but I was…threatened. Which of course I handled myself but there was someone else who tried to… _comfort_ me. Well, it was more a proposition really."

I'd been biting back a smirk when Hermione had said she'd handled it herself – because of course she would have. She was one witch I'd never want to mess with. But the second half of her recounting made me feel very uneasy.

"Who were they Hermione?"

She wouldn't meet my gaze as she took a slurp of her tea.

"Were they aurors?"

As she choked on her tea I could feel my mouth settle into a grim smile. I'd thought it over quickly but I couldn't see that it could have been anyone else than someone from the auror department. Her hesitance to tell me just didn't make sense otherwise. I didn't come into regular contact with all that many other Ministry employees so there would have been no problem with her telling me otherwise.

"Which aurors Hermione?"

I was making sure to ask all my questions gently. Hermione was prone to being stubborn and if she felt I was badgering her or demanding an answer I knew she'd be less likely to tell me anything.

"I don't know the name of the one who threatened me but the other…"

There was both concern and pleading in her dark eyes and my mind raced furiously. Were there any aurors I had heard about that had an unsavoury reputation? My heart froze momentarily before it picked up again at a frantic pace. I mean there was one, and he was high up enough in the auror department that Hermione would know his name. There'd always been rumours, unsubstantiated, of him propositioning young witches who started work at the Ministry with promises of help and promotion in return of…sexual favours. I felt a bit queasy that I might be about to find out it was all true.

"Was it Stent?"

I didn't think I was ever going to be able to shake the picture of a scared looking Hermione Granger, hands grasping her mug of tea to her chest as she nodded silently. I pushed back my chair with a curse as I started to pace. I mean, fuck this was bad. Stent was joint head of department, he was nigh on untouchable. But then Hermione was one of the golden trio… I shook my head. That hadn't even worked in her favour over the marriage law and if the rumours were right about Stent he'd been doing this for years and getting away with it. And I mean who could stop it, the aurors? He controlled most of them.

"There's always been rumours about him Hermione. I mean when I started my training Tobin told me to steer clear from him but she never told me _why."_ I cursed again. "Tell me what happened."

"There's not a lot to tell, not really. An auror threatened me and I handled it but then Stent called me into a room. He said he could protect me, see that I'd be left alone if I…gave him something back in return. He meant sex. Of course I refused him and that's when he turned nasty. Said I'd have to watch my back, that I'd only been safe all these years because of him."

"He's a pig."

I hissed the words out, trying to control the surge of anger that was now coursing through me.

"I mean he's talking rubbish right Non, there's not actually been a threat?"

I sat back down at the table and took a gulp of tea as I decided how best to approach this. No I didn't think there had been a threat to her in the past, but now? If there were aurors now feeling brave enough to voice out loud anti muggle born sentiment and to even act on it…perhaps there was a risk to her.

"In the past? Definitely not. But you need to know Hermione that things are pretty fucked up in the auror department right now. Did Harry tell you what happened with the new recruits?"

I waited for the nod of her head and was relieved I didn't have to delve into that.

"Well there's politics at play and Stent and Proctor, he's in charge of Azkaban, are the ones that seem to be taking control. So there's a real chance that Stent is bullshitting 'Mione, hell it wouldn't surprise me if he set up the threat from the other auror just to have a chance of propositioning you but there _is_ a risk that the threat is real. I'm sorry."

Hermione let out a weary sigh and when she looked at me she just looked tired. So, so tired.

"I never thought I'd have to go through this again Non. Always having to look over my shoulder."

"Well look I reckon it's just a case of a few precautions, just until we can see if there's anything more sinister. So for now don't work late so there's a chance you'll be caught on your own. I mean you're allowed to take work home with you right? And this place is secure so…"

I trailed off but Hermione was nodding her head, albeit reluctantly.

"I guess. I just always get so much more done staying late at the office without anyone to interrupt me. I _hate_ I have to change my own behaviour just because there are some people who are bigots."

Well I could understand that completely. And whilst I'd told Hermione here was safe I hadn't, I remembered, double checked over my wards. That was definitely a job I had to do this morning.

"Why didn't you tell Fred?"

"Well he's not…I mean, Fred tends to act without thinking about the consequences sometimes. I mean it's normally George that tempers most of their pranks. I'm a bit worried about what he'd do really. But that's not it I…he noticed Non. He noticed I wasn't alright, even when I tried to brush it off."

"And you think Ron wouldn't have?"

I asked her quietly and she just nodded guiltily.

"I know I shouldn't compare them, and really I think it's my fault. With Ron. I've always tried to seem so put together I never liked him to see me weak. Not even about my parents. Ron used to try you know? After Bellatrix got me, what she did to me, Ron tried so hard to comfort me he really did but I just pushed him away. I couldn't afford to give in to what I'd gone through then, I thought we'd have time after to talk through it but it just never happened."

I shifted a bit uncomfortably. What Hermione was saying about dealing with things later was pretty much my motto for all of the things that had happened to me.

"If-if you think your pushing Ron away was part of what made your relationship so hard then-"

"-maybe I shouldn't do the same with Fred?"

Hermione finished off the question and I quirked an eyebrow at her as she groaned in annoyance.

"Urgh I know Non, I know I should just tell him. It's just…difficult."

I nodded sympathetically even as I stood to start clearing up the breakfast dishes.

"Well look I'll see if I can get Harry to get his hands on Stent's teams work rota. There's no chance I'll be able to have access to it myself. I'm working with him later…"

I trailed off. Was I working with him at two o'clock or four? I scanned the kitchen table for my planner so I could double check and I frowned when I couldn't see it.

"Hey Hermione have you seen my planner?"

We both spent the next few minutes searching for it when I sucked in a strangled breathe.

"Oh shit, George had it yesterday."

I'd been trying to get it off him when Fred had broken the piano and distracted me. Shit shit shit.

"Do you think he's still got it?"

"I'd say definitely. Look just come with me to the twins. I'm going to go and see Fred anyway, get it all over with and you can just ask George then."

I pulled a face.

"What, don't you want to see George?"

Not really.

"Oh it's not that Hermione, I just don't want to have to go to their shop when it's busy."

"Well look it's still only eight thirty so if we go right now we'll catch them before the shop opens."

I let out a sigh but reluctantly agreed with her. I mean I really did need that planner. I raced back upstairs to get dressed all the while chewing on my lip. Merlin why did George take it? I mean if he did take it that is. Shit, what if it was just missing?

Before long we were both stood outside the door to the twins flat, Hermione nervously biting on one of her curls as I was going through my normal routine of trying to keep my breathing calm. I didn't feel so bad to be here this time, not with Hermione with me, but I was seriously worried about George having my planner. Hermione let out an impatient sigh and she raised her hand to knock again only for the door to be jerked open and her fist almost collide with Fred's face.

"Hermione."

I had to stifle a laugh as Hermione blushed furiously but whether it was through embarrassment at nearly smacking Fred in the face, the fact that Fred was clad only in a pair of jeans or it was the way he'd just said her name I wasn't sure.

"Oh yes, morning Fred. Can I have a word?"

Ah bless her, trying to sound all business like. Fred's smile showed he was as amused as me and he stepped back before gesturing with his head for us to enter.

"Morning Non, George is in the kitchen."

He didn't even give me a chance to respond before he was hurrying after Hermione to the living room. I shut the door quietly behind me before making my way to the kitchen and swinging the door open, to be confronted with George in the same state of undress as his twin with his back to me as he leant over the kitchen table, wand in hand as he tapped at a piece of parchment. By Helga, he had nice shoulders.

I blinked stupidly for a moment trying to banish that thought before my eyes zoned in on the parchment again. If I wasn't very much mistaken…

"I'd quite like my planner back please George."

George jumped at the sound of my voice but what really topped it off was his almost girlish shriek of surprise. I couldn't stop myself from laughing and I had to lean on the door frame for support as I tried to catch my breath. His face had gone from surprised, to outraged, to embarrassed then finally to amused as he turned to face me fully, propping himself up against the table as he crossed his arms and waited for me to stop laughing. With a final half giggle I finally straightened up.

"Non."

For some absurd reason I found myself fighting a blush so I quickly held out my hand.

"My planner?"

"Of course. I took it, quite by mistake you know."

I pretended to nod my agreement with his quite frankly obvious lie as he scooped up the parchment from the table and handed it to me. Despite the days of the week being written on it is was in all other respect blank. What the…

"What the fuck George, where's my rota?"

"Language." He tweaked at my hair. "I just made some improvements that's all."

"What, you got rid of all my work?"

"I wish." He snorted, only in half amusement before he fixed me with a cheeky grin. "You just have to say the magic words Non."

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion as I pocketed the planner, giving an inner cheer as George had to fight against a pout. No way was I going to entertain him by trying to figure it out in front of him.

"You know I'm quite glad you called round this morning. I have a gift for you."

I raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Hmm."

"Always so suspicious."

I managed to duck out of the way before he tweaked my hair this time and he huffed slightly in annoyance before he pulled a package wrapped in blue paper from his back pocket and handed it to me.

I hesitantly opened it, half expecting it to explode with confetti or shoot something at me but when the packaging fell away all that was in my hand was a small notebook with a quill fixed in place to the spine. I glanced up at George in confusion.

"This is something Fred and I designed last year. We actually got the idea from muggles. They've got these portable telephones you know, but instead of speaking to each other they can send messages, like we do with owls but its instant. It's amazing really."

"Oh, you mean text messages?"

"Yeah that's right. So we thought, why on earth don't we have something like that? So that's what these notebooks do. They come in pairs that are linked to each other so we can send an instant message instead of having to deal with the hassle of an owl or a floo call or whatever."

"Wow George that's…that's exceptional magic."

It was also potentially really, really dangerous. How were we supposed to monitor criminals if they had something like this to use? Our surveillance work or interception of owls would be useless if they could communicate this way.

"I don't remember seeing these in your shop?"

I cast George a quick look as I asked just in time to see him try and hide a grin before he scratched at the back of his neck.

"Well uh, Harry pretty much told us we couldn't put a product like this on general sale, too much scope for them to be misused by dark wizards. There is talk of us maybe providing the auror department with some though. What, you don't think that's a good idea?"

"Oh no I-I-" shit I didn't know how to answer and I must have been pulling a face. Ordinarily I'd have said yes, it's a bloody brilliant idea but with the way the auror department was at the moment allowing us means of secretly communicating didn't seem a great idea. "I mean, it's just how would you monitor it? I'm sure our bosses would like to know we were actually using it for work. I can name quite a few in our department that would probably abuse it."

George nodded his understanding before ducking his head.

"Exceptional magic though?"

I had to swallow down my nerves as he looked at me.

"Uh well yes. It really is. How come you guys never seemed this clever at school?"

Oh god, I can't believe I just asked that. George's eyebrows shot up before he snorted with laughter.

"Non, was that a very unsubtle way of saying we seemed a bit stupid?"

If it was possible for a whole body to turn red with embarrassment I think mine just did.

"N-no just not very, erm, scholarly?"

"Well I can't argue with that," George chuckled before he tweaked my hair again and I lightly scowled at him. "Here let me show you how it works."

He took out a matching pad from his other pocket.

"See here the quill doesn't need ink, and the pad page works more like an imprint. You just use the quill to write directly on it here…"

George quickly scribbled a message on his notepad and I felt mine heat up and I flipped it open.

 **{Hello Non Non}**

I rolled my eyes before I hesitantly wrote a message back.

 _ **{Hi, Um}**_

George grinned at me.

"See, it's as easy as that. Easier for us to keep in touch too what with your crazy work schedule. You know, you should have a word with your boss about that."

It was my turn to snort a laugh. I could just imagine Beckett's face if I asked him to cut back my hours.

"Yeah okay George, I'm not that brave."

I glanced a bit nervously at the notepad in my hands too. I was a bit apprehensive about it all really, I mean it was a bit weird that George would be so instantly contactable. Not really in a bad way but I quite liked it when I had a few days break from him just so I could well recover my nerves really. And now not only did he have access to my home he could also write to my instantly. Which I supposed seeing as we were trying to be friends and this law was forcing us to be together wasn't a _bad_ thing as such, but it was also…a bit much. And I mean, there was another reason too.

"Um, George? I-I'm not a very good speller."

"So?"

"It's just, if I write you there'll probably be a lot of mistakes. I always use a spellcheck spell on my work but I'm guessing this notepad doesn't allow for that as the imprints get sent straight away?"

"Yeah that's right you can't use spells on the words but what does it matter? No one spells everything perfectly, I know I don't."

"No it's just…well, I don't like making mistakes."

I bit my lip. God I sounded a bit lame really didn't I? But honestly, I was a _terrible_ speller.

"Why Non Llewellyn I believe you're a perfectionist."

"I – well no, I mean, I just like to do things well." I frowned at him. "That's not a bad thing you know."

"Not at all, everyone likes to do things well but _perfectionists_ , they tend to put too much pressure on themselves you know? Setting unrealistic expectations. Or am I wrong and you don't do that at all?"

I found it very difficult to look George in the face and I shrugged before I froze and shot him a nervous look to see him raise an eyebrow in response. Shit he'd said no more shrugging the other day hadn't he?

"Maybe sometimes? I dunno, you'd have to ask the girls I guess."

Oh god I shouldn't have said that, I didn't want him asking the girls anything about me. I was quite surprised he hadn't already done that given he'd already quizzed Ernie. Or shit, what if he had and they just hadn't told me?

"Oh I'll do that."

Anxiety surged though me at that but he just grinned cheekily at me before checking the clock on the kitchen wall.

"I'm afraid Non I'm going to have to make a move, shop opens in ten minutes and I still need to finish getting dressed. And you, if I recall your planner, have the morning off."

Merlin, I'd nearly forgotten he was shirtless. To hide my embarrassment I narrowed my eyes at him at the mention of my planner but he just chuckled as he made to walk me to the door, where he looped one arm around me in an easy hug goodbye. He'd done it so naturally I hardly even had time to tense like I normally did.

"Let me know when you figure out the magic words."

"Oh I will. Bye George."

He waved me a goodbye and I quickly hurried to the Leaky so I could apparate home. I hadn't heard Hermione leave the flat but I guessed she would soon be making her own way to work. As soon as I got back to my place I quickly set about making a cup of tea as I unfolded my planner on the table in front of me and tapped at it experimentally with my wand.

What the….?

I gaped open mouthed in outrage at the message that had appeared on the parchment.

' _You'll have to try harder than that Non'_

I let out a string of curses letting it know exactly what I thought of it.

' _Such a foul mouth for such a pretty witch.'_

What. The. Fuck.

I spent the next ten minutes trying a whole host of spells and charms but the stupid parchment never revealed my planner and in my annoyance I grabbed the notebook George had gifted to me and pushing my worry about my spelling to one side I scribbled a quick message.

 _ **{Two qwestions. One, what have you done to my planer? Two, why is it flirting with me?}**_

Because it was. Nearly every message had some stupid compliment. I didn't have long to wait at all for a reply.

 **{Well I'd say it was showing impeccable taste.}**

 _ **{O ha ha. What are the magic words please?}**_

 **{Well seeing as you said please I shall give you a clue. It's two words.}**

 _ **{Go on?}**_

 **{That was the clue.}**

I sat back and blinked at the notepad. That was all he was going to tell me? Two words? I picked up the quill again.

 _ **{You have a very differant idea to me as what makes a clue.}**_

"Stupid fucking George Weasley."

I muttered grumpily to myself as I took a gulp of tea and nearly choked as when I glanced down there was my planner all filled in before me. A quick glance told me I didn't start work until two o'clock. I folded up my planner before smoothing it open again and sure enough it was blank.

 _Two words, why the little shit hadn't…_

"George Weasley."

 _He fucking had_.

He'd made his name the magic words. Because there nice and clearly after I'd said his name again was my complete planner. I snatched up the notepad.

 _ **{You George Weasley are an attention seeker.**_ _ **}**_

I mean he really was. His bloody name. I couldn't say his name every time I needed to access this it was absurd. How in the hell had he done it? I hadn't come across any spell work like this before but then again I mused, charm work wasn't my forte and my knowledge was based mainly on defence against the dark arts. I supposed George came across many different types of spells for his job.

 **{I was worried you would forget me with the amount you have to work.}**

 _ **{That's a bit bloody difficult.}**_

 **{Oh? Memorable am I?}**

 _ **{That's not quite the word I'd use.}**_

 **{Ah of course, you prefer words like marvellous or exceptional.}**

Merlin I could practically see him nodding sagely at me even as he was obviously joking and I couldn't help a grin even as I rolled me eyes.

 _ **{You keep telling yourself that.}**_

 **{Oh, I will.}**

I scoffed lightly before I flipped the notepad shut. That was more than enough George Weasley for one day and I had plenty I needed to be getting on with this morning.

My first job was to read through my old Welsh text books to check on my wards. It had been complicated magic and something Audrey and Percy hadn't been able to help me with and my brow furrowed as I read through the pages. It didn't help that it was in medieval Welsh either and whilst the language hadn't changed _that_ much it was still a bit difficult to follow. After an hour of studying though I was pretty happy that my wards were still working like they should and I felt a small knot of tension release from my shoulders that I hadn't even realised was there. It would give me peace of mind at least.

My next job was to do a quick review of the books Bill had sent to me via George. I curled up in the arm chair in my living room as I summoned the books to me, with a parchment and quill resting on the arm of the chair in case I needed to make any notes. Disappointingly only one of the books seemed to contain anything anywhere near what I was looking for but the books themselves would probably be useful for me to read through. Being an auror was all about continuing to improve and wards and shields were something I seemed to have a natural talent for so I was looking forward to learning more.

My morning was ticking by but even as I read through one of the books my eyes kept getting drawn towards the piano. I had managed to completely ignore even the thought of it when I was playing the game last night and even during my conversation this morning with Hermione I'd only given it a fleeting thought but now it was like it was looking directly at me, demanding my attention. After another five minutes of trying to concentrate I snapped my book with a huff and made my way over to it, hesitantly running my hand across the closed lid that was hiding the keys.

As my eyes traced over the piano it certainly seemed the twins had done a good job of repairing it, it didn't seem damaged at all. I drew out the piano stool and sat slowly before I eased the lid open. The keys all seemed fixed too although whether the twins had put them back correctly…

I softly pressed down on the middle C and it rang out quite clearly. It was still in tune. I'd charmed it some four years ago, an old spell my father had taught me but I hadn't known it would still be working. I figured the charm would have worn off given my lack of playing the piano. My fingers hovered slightly before I pressed a few more keys.

I could almost feel the notes move through the air, it was like I could feel the strings hidden on the piano's insides vibrating, like I could almost see the notes as they disturbed the silence of the room. My house was usually very quiet. The only noise really when I was there was from the far off musical cry of a dragon, I didn't even put the radio on anymore. In my defence that was because I found it hugely difficult not to sing along and when you knew you couldn't sing anymore…well it was easier just to remove the temptation.

My right hand moved again, picking out notes to an old tune I used to play and as my left hand moved to join in I let my eyes fall shut. It was almost like I'd never stopped playing. Could my fingers just really remember? Was that even possible? Then again I'd played so much when I was younger perhaps there was part of me that would always remember. As I finished my eyes opened and I glared slightly at my hands on the keys. I'd made a lot of mistakes.

["Cariad why do you always focus on what little you got wrong, instead of the lot you got right?"]

I snapped my head around at the sound of a voice but the room was empty and I shivered even as my vision blurred. It had sounded just like my mam, she always would try and get me to focus on the positives. If I tried hard enough I could even feel her hand running through my hair like she always used to as she walked by when I was playing before she'd murmur some encouragement or advice and leave me to it. I rubbed a rough hand across my eyes as I closed the piano lid and made my way out to the back garden where I sniffled, trying to fight the tears back.

See this is why I didn't bloody play the piano any more. This always happened. I'd hear my mam only to remember she was no longer here. I closed my eyes almost in physical pain as I waited for the pang of loss to pass, for the weight to shift off my chest so I could breathe freely again. I didn't go back inside for the rest of the morning.

By the time I arrived at the Ministry about half hour before my surveillance shift was due to start I'd finally started to feel a bit better. I was also very pleased to see that Harry had turned up early too and I sidled up to his desk quietly.

"Boo."

I sniggered into my hand as Harry jumped, his quill puncturing through the parchment he had been writing on. He let out a slightly exasperated sigh when he saw me.

"Has anyone ever told you you're quite childish?"

"Being grown up is boring Harry, how do you not know this?"

"Are you going to be like this all day?"

"Possibly." My grin widened as Harry rolled his eyes dramatically. "Say Harry, you're a pretty high profile kind of guy," understatement of the year, "and have access to all sorts of information right?"

"Er…yes?"

I didn't blame him for looking suspicious.

"You wouldn't by any chance be able to let me know who was working on Stent's rotas on Thursday, could you?"

I'd made sure to check that neither Stent or any of his workers were in the room but I'd still lowered my voice when asking. Harry narrowed his eyes at me.

"I'm guessing I don't want to know why. Just Thursday though? I think I can do that."

"Oh good, thanks Harry."

I bustled back over to my desk to start reviewing my urgent memos before the surveillance shift started even as my mind was racing. I'd figured just asking for one day was better than trying to ask for a whole week or month of rotas, I knew that would flag up a warning to Stent. It was of course the reason I'd put in an anonymous request for the information on Proctor's team. But for one day though I knew Harry had the means of getting that, and that one day would give me a large number of the names on Stent's team although annoyingly not all, but more importantly I could go through the list with Hermione to see if we could pick out who her assailant had been. I'd be able to find out which Ministry officials he normally guarded then so as to help Hermione be more prepared should she encounter him again.

Before long both Harry and I were making our way to the warehouse where we took over from Tobin and Hopkiss. I had to stifle a groan as Tobin paused to whisper her latest sexual adventure to me. I swear she only did this for my reaction as I had to fight off a blush. By the time she'd finished Harry had already gotten himself settled in a seat and I hurried over and flung myself into mine.

"What did Tobin want?"

"Oh just telling me all about HD."

"HD? Who's that?"

"Oh" I faltered. It was her partners whose name she wouldn't tell me so I'd started to refer to him as HD in my head. There was no way I was telling Harry it stood for huge dick. "Her partner, you know the one she's going to have to marry."

"I thought he was called Rodney?"

Rodney? _Rodney?!_ Ha, no wonder she hadn't told me his name. I coughed to cover up a laugh.

"Yeah it's just an erm, nick name."

"Right."

Harry didn't sound convinced but he was soon distracted as I summoned my flask of tea and a tin of cupcakes from my bag. I checked to see he was still keeping one eye on the warehouse as I settled myself into a more comfortable position. I shifted awkwardly before pulling an offending item from the back pocket of my jeans. Of course, it was the stupid notebook George had given me. I was in the process of stuffing it in my back when my eyes caught on some faint lettering stamped down the spine half hidden by the quill.

N.A.G.A.S.S.S.

Of course, our awkward silence society!

"What are you smiling at?"

I hastily shoved the notebook into my bag.

"Oh nothing. And I wasn't smiling."

"If you say so."

I cast a slightly irritated glance at Harry but he was now busy chewing on a cup cake, both eyes trained on the warehouse in front of us. This part of the job was boring but I supposed there were worse people to share a shift with.

As the hours passed Harry and I mused over the problem with the smuggling of illegal goods. He was of the same opinion as me that there must be some inside help but no matter how I asked he didn't seem to have access to any further information than me and I huffed lightly even as I stretched in my seat. It was now coming up to nine o'clock so we had about an hour left and I was starting to get really uncomfortable. I needed a distraction.

"Say Harry, have you proposed to Ginny yet?"

I knew he hadn't, and subtle hints never worked with Harry so I figured the direct approach couldn't hurt.

"What?" He gave a cough of surprise. "Er I mean well no. I didn't think I'd have to?"

I cast him a scandalised look.

"Of course you have to Harry!"

"But, I mean with this law we are going to be getting married anyway so why ask?"

The dull lamp light we had in the room flashed lightly on his glasses as he turned to face me, confusion clear on his face. I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Oh Harry. You still need to ask. I mean ideally you only propose once in your life. Or were you waiting for Ginny to propose to you?"

"No! I'd want to do the asking. I mean I did have a plan I just-well I-."

He trailed off , stuttering adorably and I had to clasp my hands together to stop myself giving a delighted clap.

"A plan? Oh Harry, if you had one then you have to ask her. Trust me, I think she'd appreciate it. It'll make it seem more like you want to marry her rather than you have to."

"Well of course I want to marry her!"

I practically cooed at that and I bounced happily in my seat.

"Urgh Non honestly, sometimes I forget you're such a girl."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. So, what's your plan? Actually no wait, don't tell me! I want to be genuinely surprised when Ginny lets me know."

"So-so you really think I should ask?"

Bashful Harry was adorable.

"Definitely Harry. And you said you had a plan, be a shame to waste it right?"

Harry grinned at me in response and I felt an answering smile on my face before we both froze. If we were looking at each other it meant no one was looking at the warehouse and whilst for the past three weeks there'd been the square root of fuck all happening…

I snapped my eyes forward and let out a curse. There were red sparks dancing across the warehouse's cracked windows.

"Shit."

"Fuck."

I scrambled with my bag to summon my ominoculors, noticing Harry had already fished his own pair out of the pockets of his robe and I cursed myself for not being more prepared. I slammed them up against my eyes a bit too forcefully as I zoomed the focus in on the warehouse. The door was slightly ajar but there was no sign of human activity on the outside. The next half hour passed in strained silence as we waited for the sparks and flashing lights to stop. Then sure enough a robed figure made its way outside. It was a tall figure that moved confidently. It didn't appear that it was aware it was being watched which was a good thing, it meant we were still undetected. As the robed figure turned to secure the door a thin strand of moonlight appeared from behind a cloud and I sucked in a breath. They were wearing a mask. A perfectly white, expressionless mask.

It was Creepy Mask Guy from the warehouse raid all those weeks ago. The one that had gotten away even after we'd captured the rest of the smugglers. This was bad, this was oh so very bad. This meant that there was a connection between the illegal smuggling and the experimental magic. This meant that CMG was not only wanted for smuggling he was a prime suspect in the murder of Mr Task too.

"You recognise him right Harry?"

"Yes."

The grim annoyance in Harry's voice told me all I needed to know. We waited for a very strained ten minutes after he'd left (we'd had strict instructions to monitor only and not make arrests if we saw anything) before we both eased ourselves out of our seats to head to the warehouse.

It was slow going. We had to make sure there had been no trip wards erected or hexes placed on the doorway that would let the CMG know we had been there. As we finally eased the door open Harry muttered a quick _lumos_ . I didn't add mine to it, we didn't want to draw too much attention and I stayed near the door to keep watch as Harry made his way further inside. It was eerily silent, just the occasional lap and splash of the sea as it hit the land but other than that – nothing. Not even a whisper of wind.

Harry finally made his way back over to me, where he handed me an evidence jar that contained just one inside out fish.

"There's a sort of well or shoot near the back wall that drops right down into the sea I'm guessing there were a bunch of these but just the one left behind. C'mon let's see if we can see how he got to and from here, he didn't seem to apparate."

I nodded silently as we split up to comb the walkway and surrounding area. There was just a sheer drop down to the sea and as I muttered a few detection spells but there wasn't a trace of magic from this side, CMG hadn't gone this way. I frowned. He'd not apparated but he'd been hard for our eyes to follow as he left and I was guessing he'd put some sort of disillusionment charm on himself. So he was clearly trying to hide his activity but that didn't really make much sense given how confidently he'd exited the warehouse.

A low whistle from Harry had me hurrying over to him and there, almost hidden by a half fallen down stone wall and a scraggily gorse bush was the start of a very faint path.

"C'mon then Llewellyn."

I followed Harry silently, straining my ears for any other sounds as I felt my body thrumming with adrenaline. For once though this was good adrenaline, this was an adrenaline that made my hyper focused. I mean it would probably also leave me feeling exhausted later but for now, being out in the dark, tracking a criminal and having to rely on my senses I actually revelled in it. I'd forgotten what it felt like, it was almost like excitement although I could never call it that, not when there was a hint of danger. There was an edge though, but one that wasn't so strong as to overwhelm me with anxiety and I paused momentarily to glance behind me as I took that in.

Yes it was adrenaline, yes I was a bit nervous but for the first time in a very long time I felt more or less in control. Was this what Beckett meant when he said I was ready for this again? I mean that had been early two months ago now and I hadn't believed him at all. But this was work, it was something that I knew how to do and how to do _well_. I squared my shoulders as I turned back to follow Harry. I had to try and remember this feeling for when I had my bad days. Because this feeling made all the stresses worth it.

By the time I got home that night it was nearing three in the morning. Harry and I had traced the track for miles up to an abandoned stone building that looked like an old farm labourers cottage but we hadn't dared get closer. If this was CMG's base we didn't want to alert him to the fact we had found it. After returning to the Ministry we'd had to write up our reports and it was as the pleasant buzz of adrenaline left me to be hit by a more sickening swirl of anxiety that my exhaustion hit.

Because if CMG linked the experimental magic to the smuggling then it meant he was also linked to Azkaban. After all, there'd been experimental magic there too if Morris was to be believed. I felt the pressure of Beckett's task weighing on me. I still hadn't had the information I needed to analyse the staffing at Azkaban and I hadn't really turned my full attention to the smuggling issue as yet but that was going to have to change.

I'd spent the next hour pouring over the smuggling reports to try and see if I'd missed anything before Harry had grunted at me to go home.

My jaw cracked as I yawned as I made my way up the stairs to my room. God I was tired but my brain was still racing with too many thoughts. As I got changed for bed I thought hard again about the smuggling and who could possibly be influencing things from in the Ministry. It had to be someone with influence at least so that would help me narrow it down. Likely to be wealthy too if they had to find means of arranging purchase and disposing of the goods. I'd have to make a list of employees that fell in that criteria.

As I crawled in to bed I snagged my bag to fish out my rota and absently took the notebook out too.

I glared at the parchment of my planner.

"George Weasley."

I whispered it as quietly as I could out of spite but thankfully a whisper seemed enough as my planner appeared and my eyes looked for my work rota. I started again at eight in the morning with Ron. I blinked sleepily at the parchment. What the…

'Surveillance with Revolting Ronnikins'

I had most definitely not written that. Not at all. There was only one possible person who could have done it. I snatched up the notebook and flipped it open, snatching up the quill and paused just as I was about to scribble a message to see there were some already waiting for me.

 **{So it's my friend Lee Jordan's birthday in a couple of days and we're going out for food for it. Do you want to come?}**

 **{There'll be no more than eight of us. And it'll be in muggle London so no magical press.}**

 **{We can do it on Tuesday evening when you're free.}**

 **{What do you say?}**

I bit my lip. He had to have copied my rota there's no way his memory was that good. I could feel anxiety start to churn in my stomach and I honestly felt a bit sick. I was so tired and I had so much to think about with work I really didn't want to have to deal with this.

 _ **{Can I let you no in the morning?}**_

I chucked the notepad on my lap as I sunk back into the pillows trying to calm myself down. I mean it was just dinner. And if there were seven other people I could probably get away with not talking much… I felt the notepad heat up and I frowned, surely he couldn't have replied.

 **{Technically Non Non it is morning.}**

I pulled a face even though I knew he couldn't see it.

 _ **{I've only just got home. It'll only be morning after I sleep.}**_

 **{What did you do, hit the pub after work?}**

 _ **{Ha I wish. My shift over ran.}**_

 **{I hereby order you to get some sleep.}**

I felt my lips quirk into a smile even as my eyes started to feel heavy. As busy as my mind was it looked like my body was ready to crash. He didn't need to tell me twice. The notepad heated up again.

 **{And don't worry about answering in the morning, we've got until Sunday to make the reservation. There's no rush.}**

 _ **{Alright. Nos da George.}**_

I flipped it closed and placed the notebook on my nightstand and after carefully setting my alarm I mumbled a sleepy _nox_. It was only as the room turned dark I remembered I hadn't told him off for tampering with my planner but my pillow was so comfy and my eyes so heavy I couldn't be bothered to move. With only just over four hours until my alarm went off I needed as much sleep as possible and with a last heavy sigh I blissfully sank to sleep.

 **A/N: Welcome to all of my new followers it's great to have you on board.**

 **Thank you so much if you've taken the time to review. I've tried to reply via PM where I could. I absolutely love getting reviews so please keep them coming.**

 **Cariad – this is a Welsh term of endearment which basically means calling someone love. Cariad can also be another word for your partner/lover.**

 **Nos da – this is Welsh for good night.**

 **With regards to formatting for how Non and George message each other can you let me know if it's clear enough which one is writing or do I need to change it up a bit more? I've got one in normal bold and the other in italic bold. Just let me know if it's confusing.**

 **Hope you liked this chapter anyway**

 **Diolch, Yav**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 17

I supposed it was a good thing work was now keeping my mind so occupied that it gave me very little time to stress over anything else.

Since our discovery that it was the CMG that was doing experimental magic and that this linked the Task murder to the smuggling I had thrown myself into the case reports again, re-reading the interviews with the smuggling gang in the hope of finding any sort of clue to CMG's identity but also what possible reason they had for performing such strange magic and in such seemingly random locations.

The smuggling seemed like your standard case of importing and shipping contraband and I'd sent off a request for information from the French Ministry of Magic to see if they had any traces of who was supplying the goods from their side of the English Channel. From the British end it was time for me to compile a list of stockists, or to look at the bigger companies to see who had vested interests. In the past the well-known families had been obvious, like the Malfoys, who made no secret over their funding and influence over things at the Ministry. Since the war however the prominent families were no more, their assets for the most part stripped as the surviving members set about getting on quietly with their lives. They wouldn't be forgiven any time soon.

A part of me wondered if that didn't give them the right motivation to be dealing with illegal goods but I quickly dismissed that. They wouldn't have the funds nor the capabilities of being able to do so. The war was still too recent and their actions still viewed with far too much suspicion, it would just be plain stupidity on their part.

This then led me to consider the so called 'second tier' of magical families. The technically half-bloods although they followed the pure blood ideals and were for the most part (bar the odd random ancestor) pure blood themselves. These were the likes of Parkinson, Greengrass, Boot, Bones, Macmillian, McClaggen, Patil…each Hogwarts house had them although as usual the majority were Slytherins. None of these second tier families had outwardly backed You Know Who, they had kept themselves neutral and out of the fighting but that didn't mean they were without influence.

That was the one thing that I had never understood during the war. You Know Who had his vision of the future that was enough to sway so many people to his side but his methods had been divisive. He'd succeeded in taking over the Ministry but the set up with the snatchers, with the muggle born internment on Azkaban…it was a form of fascism and hatred that was too much to take unless you were one of his brainwashed. He never actually got the support of the majority of the magical community, although it was generally those who were friendly with muggle-borns, or anomalies like the Weasleys that publically fought against him.

But these groupings of families gave me pause because they still had influence and they were still trusted. I set about securing the information of those families connected to the Wizengamot and all of the heads of department as well as those one or two levels below. Sometimes it was those highest up that would seem to be the culprit when really it was those just on the level below them that were pulling all of the strings.

It was a lot of information for me to compile, and I also added a quick scribbled note to my papers to check whether any of them had any connection to the auror department while I was at it, but it would at least give me a clearer picture. Even if it ended up that I was following completely the wrong thread this was handy information to have. I didn't like politics, it was one of the worst things about the Ministry, but just because I didn't like it didn't mean I could ignore it because more often than not when a new bit of legislation was passed, or a new directive issued, then it was invariably politics and personal interests as the driving force.

"Hey Non, we're due to meet the twins in twenty minutes, are you nearly ready?"

Hermione's voice called up to me where I was ensconced in my bedroom and as I hastily stuffed my notes away I tried to ignore the feeling of nausea. I really didn't feel well but I knew it hadn't been because of anything I'd eaten and I'd finally started to realise at the start of this year when I'd cried off so many social engagements because I felt unwell that it was my anxiety making me feel like this. I took a small sip of water, struggled to swallow it down then let out a heavy sigh.

I think I was ready, just about. I'd stressed myself out about what to wear. Were we going somewhere super posh, did I have to get properly dressed up and God forbid wear heels? Or were jeans and a pretty top enough? I'd nearly been too embarrassed to ask Hermione but she'd prized the information out of me. Truth was, I didn't want to wear the wrong thing and just be an embarrassment to George. When Hermione had pointed out that it was more likely George and his own questionable fashion sense that was bound to raise eyebrows I'd started to feel a bit better.

"I mean, would you be embarrassed by what George wears?"

That question had flummoxed me. Because no; I wouldn't. I mean I may not like what he wears, his lime green dragon skin jacket was a prime example of that, but if it was what he liked then what did it matter? When I'd finally mumbled out a no she'd given me quite a stern look and told me just to wear whatever I wanted.

So whilst she'd calmed me down it hadn't really fully stopped me stressing. I mean what if I was just wearing completely the wrong thing? I'd agonised over whether or not I should wear a dress before I'd decided, as I most often did, to go for comfort. So I'd wriggled in to some black jeans, paired it with a strappy blue top and finished the look off with some sandals. I glared half-heartedly at my sandals. Whilst I could see they went well with what I was wearing, they weren't the best for running in.

 _Because of course there'll be lots of running when you go to dinner._

I rolled my eyes at myself. I supposed it was part paranoia from my job that made me want to prepare for everything although deep down I knew that wasn't the case. The war door in my mind gave a gentle wobble that I firmly ignored. I knew all too well about being unprepared to run.

I gave one last critical look at myself in the mirror before I tucked my hair behind my ears, grabbed up my bag and jacket and hurried down the stairs to see Hermione waiting for me in the hall. She'd opted for a pretty tunic dress that cinched in at her waist and I had to fight against biting my lip. Shit maybe I really should have gone with a dress.

I could see Hermione about to open her mouth to reprimand me so I beat her to it.

"I know, I know, I was stressing over nothing."

I got an eye roll in reply before she led the way out of the house. A quickly muttered spell had the door locked before Hermione took hold of my arm to side along apparate me to the Leaky where we were to meet the twins.

Plans had changed somewhat for Lee Jordan's birthday when Fred had clocked it was also Hermione's birthday this week. So we'd moved dinner forward by an hour so we'd all have time for a big group gathering in the Leaky later on by way of a double celebration. Now the Leaky part I felt I could cope with, after all I'd managed to go there to celebrate the passing of Hermione's law, but the dinner part…I felt almost as nervous as I had the first time I'd had to go to The Burrow for a family lunch. I was already sweating too much and I was worried my hair, fine as it was, would start to stick to my forehead and get greasy.

 _You can just charm it clean again Non if it gets that bad_.

I'd tried to make a list of what I knew I would worry about in the morning so I had set answers to calm myself down. It wasn't helping much but it was better than nothing.

I saw the twins before I heard them although honestly they were hard to miss. I almost wished I had my sunglasses on to protect my eyes. Their hair was as flaming red as normal which always made them easy to pick out in the crowd. No what really drew the eye was the bright turquoise short sleeved shirts they were wearing. George's was patterned with parrots whilst Fred's was covered with flamingos. I could see Hermione's eyes narrow, only minutely, but she otherwise didn't comment on Fred's apparel.

I on the other hand was actually quite happy with George's very loud choice of shirt because as it certainly drew the eye it meant there was no way on earth I was the worst dressed. I bit my lip at that thought. I mean it wasn't that George even looked bad but I supposed what I meant was that people would be talking about him and not me. And talking of people, I cast a furtive look around the Leaky but thankfully it wasn't busy. Just in case though I made sure my hair wasn't tucked behind my ear so that it would fall forward to cover a lot of my face.

"You're early!"

George loudly greeted me and enveloped me in a bear hug and I immediately flushed. That was not the quiet low key greeting I had wanted at all. I still had to abide by Beckett's warning about avoiding the attention of the press and as George pulled back slightly I made no move to step back because the closer I stood to him the harder it was for anyone to see my face. George's arms froze before he ducked his head down to whisper in my ear.

"You alright?"

I risked a glance up and could feel a tight smile on my face.

"Sure. I'll be better when we get there though."

For two reasons really. One to get away from gossips and two just to get this whole meal thing over and done with. My fingertips were already starting to get to the tingly stage which I knew meant I wasn't breathing calmly. I could feel George's gaze on me even as I stared intently at his shirt.

"Understood."

I'd only just managed to pick out George's murmured word before he'd straightened up again and spun around to pull me with him, one of his arms firmly placed around my shoulder as we now had our back to most of the pub.

"We're heading over, no harm getting there early."

George called out cheerily to Fred and Hermione even as he used his arm to propel me alongside him and out of the pub. I didn't even have time to say anything although I did see that Hermione was frowning heavily at George.

Once we were outside instead of letting go George pulled me in tighter and before I could blink he'd apparated us. As soon as we reappeared I managed to shrug from underneath his shoulder and take a step back to just breathe.

"Thanks George."

"No problem. Did you want to explore the place first before we get to the restaurant?"

I gazed at him in confusion. Was he making fun of me? I mean it was actually a really good idea, I _did_ like to acquaint myself with a place that was new to me but I wasn't quite sure how to tell him I'd already checked this part of London out after my shift on Sunday. The street that the restaurant was on had seemed perfectly normal really. It wasn't in the best part of London but it also wasn't in what you would describe a rough area either. The only thing that had been remotely of note was a car with tinted windows that was parked about fifty metres up the street from the restaurant window but given that it had been gone midnight when I'd got there I figured that someone had just left it there for the night.

"Non?"

Oh shit, he was still waiting for a reply. I flushed in embarrassment.

"Sorry, I just, I may have called by here after my shift on Sunday…"

I trailed off. Helga, he was going to think I was so strange. I risked a glance at him to see him trying to fight a smile.

"Did it help?"

I frowned slightly as I considered his question and I glanced around me to take in the bustling street, there were about three different restaurants all lit up and I could see they were nearly all full. My anxiety swirled as I took in the laughing and happy faces but at least it wasn't wholly new to me.

"You know I think it did."

"Well good, c'mon let's just head there and we can make sure Alicia actually booked the table properly." He grinned at me then even as he casually slung and arm around my shoulder again. I didn't quite have it in me at that moment to shrug it off, I was too busy trying to keep calm. "Blue really suits you Non."

I nearly stumbled as I glanced at him in alarm.

"Erm, what?"

"The colour of your top Non. You look very pretty."

I had to fight against rolling my eyes, he was as bad as that stupid charm he'd put on my parchment planner.

"Oh uh, thanks?" Honestly I was a bit confused. "Anything's better than yellow on me I guess."

"Hold on, a Hufflepuff not liking yellow? That has to be a first."

I scoffed lightly even as I elbowed him gently in the ribs.

"You don't have to like a colour just because it's your house colour you know. I mean, my favourite colour is green."

I just managed to catch George pulling a face at my words and I laughed lightly.

"Seriously George, you don't like green because of Slytherin?"

"I don't like _Slytherin_ green. All other shades are fine."

I really did roll my eyes then.

"Well I like all shades of green."

"Surely you have a favourite?"

We'd finally reached the front of the restaurant and we both came to a stop as I considered his question. I mean, did I? George started chuckling at me.

"What?"

I started to panic. Why was he laughing?

"You just take so long to answer the simplest questions."

Ah of course, he'd found that funny before.

"I can't help it. Anyway, I reckon the green I like best is when the sun catches on a Welsh Green. I don't know what green you'd call that though."

I was spared from any further teasing by the arrival of Fred and Hermione and I couldn't help but take in a deep breath as Fred led the way into the restaurant. As I did I glanced around the street once more and paused, a frown appearing on my face. At this time of the evening there were a fair few cars dotted around but the same car from Sunday was there. I quickly scanned the registration number; yes, it was definitely the same one. I glanced around the street again looking at it with my auror eyes on and my frown deepened.

There was a small kiosk at the far end of the street which didn't seem in keeping with the rest of the area, and on the opposite side of the street, three buildings along there was clearly an empty shopping unit but I clocked movement across a window on the second floor. What on earth…?

"Hey Non, you coming?"

I glanced back around feeling slightly guilty that I was thinking and acting like I was still in work to see George glancing at my expectantly and a group of people huddled together just inside the door. I drew in a shallow breathe and nodded.

There was a gentle murmur of voices inside the restaurant and glancing around I could see that about three quarters of the tables were full. Of course Fred was noisily greeting the rest of the group and there seemed to be a bit of an uproar about the fact that he'd just discovered Angelina Johnson was paired up with Cormac McClaggen.

"McGlaggen? _McClaggen?!_ By Godric now I know why you wouldn't bloody tell me Angie."

I briefly wondered if Fred was jealous. He had such an outraged if not downright offended expression on his face and I knew of course that he'd used to date Angelina. I never had heard why they'd broken up. Hermione had a strangely brittle smile on her face as a very tall and broad shouldered man was talking animatedly at her with large sweeping gestures of his hands.

"That's McClaggen. An absolute pillock of the first order. Poor Angelina."

I nearly jumped at George's quiet voice. He was also wearing a look of disgust. So perhaps Fred wasn't jealous just more upset on Angelina's behalf.

"C'mere Non let me introduce you to the others, although I think you know one of them."

First up was Alicia Spinnet . I was familiar with her name and smiled when George wrapped her up in a bear hug by way of hello. She playfully slapped his arm away before she tugged on the arm of the man next to her. He looked to be a few years older than her and by the way he was critically looking around at the interior of the restaurant I was guessing he was either a former Ravenclaw or Slytherin. George tugged me closer by the belt loop so he could introduce me. It turned out Alicia's partner was indeed a former Ravenclaw by the name of Gerald Brallow. George near sniggered at his name but managed to cover it up with a cough while I just waved timidly at them both.

Merlin I hated introductions. I never knew what I was supposed to say or how to act. Was a wave okay? Should I shake their hands? Did people hug each other in greeting? I had to fight against bighting my lip and as George darted off with a laugh to greet Lee Jordan I caught Alicia sending me a sympathetic smile.

"Well he seems like he's back on good form. How are you coping?"

There was a gentle teasing to her question but she had a kind face I decided and I sent her a nervous smile back.

"Oh alright I guess, he's just very…well…George." I trailed off with a bit of a cringe, god I couldn't even describe him. Why were words so hard at social gatherings?

Alicia though seemed to find my reply funny and she was still chuckling at me when she linked her arm through Gerald's and suggested we make our way to the table. I was stopped again en route by George who introduced me to Lee Jordan.

Lee was just as loud and jovial as the twins. They must have been hell together to teach in a classroom. He had a big beaming smile and his dreadlocks swung wildly as he flung his head back with a laugh before turning his attention to us.

"You must be the Non I've heard so much about! Have they given you a medal yet? Imagine, being stuck with George. You have my sympathies." He chucked me a roguish wink even as he grabbed the back of my hand to extravagantly place a kiss on it. I could feel myself gaping at him in confusion as I actually cast George a slightly panicked look. What did he mean 'heard so much about'?

"Um I…yes. Er hello. It's nice to meet you?"

Oh god, why had I made that sound like a question .Shit Lee was even looking at me weirdly now. I had to fight against the urge to twist my fingers, I really needed to find a better outlet for my nerves.

"Well I understand you actually know my delightful wife to be. Oi Tori, c'mere."

"I would prefer it if you didn't order me around like I was some sort of kneazle Jordan."

"Right you are love, right you are."

Lee Jordan didn't seem repentant in the slightest and I had to fight against taking a step back as the very familiar face of Astoria Greengrass appeared from behind his shoulder.

"I was enjoying the show." She clearly meant what appeared to be the on-going very awkward conversation between Fred, Hermione, Angelina and McClaggen. "Oh, hello Non. My, it's been a while hasn't it?"

I managed to get one of my polite smiles to materialise on my face.

"Hi Astoria, goodness yes it has been a long time. Not since school right? How've you been?"

Urgh, polite small talk. I hated this. Why did people even like socialising. I had to introduce her to George too now didn't I? How was I to do that?

"Oh I've been fine. Daddy's trying to talk me into getting into the business although I'm sure he knows that's more Daphne's cup of tea than mine. I must say Non, I was so sorry to hear about Anna and Chloe."

I had to physically stop my shoulders from stiffening, even more so when she reached out to gently squeeze one of my hands.

"I mean what Anna, murdered by You Know Who himself because of her parents and then Chloe in Azkaban? It was terrible."

She'd added the last part as an aside to Lee Jordan and it took all that I had to keep a smile on my face at the look of pity he was directing at me. I _hated_ being pitied. To cover what was quickly becoming an awkward silence and swallowing down what felt like some bile, I turned to George.

"Astoria was in the same year as me at school. She was always very nice."

To my face. Everyone at school had learnt one way or the other that Astoria Greengrass could say one thing to your face, quite sincerely, before heading off to talk behind your back. She certainly hadn't been one of my favourites.

"I see."

Oh Merlin it was still awkward. What was I supposed to do? I never knew how to respond when anyone mentioned Anna and Chloe. My heart had given a sharp stab of pain at just the mention of their names and I glanced around the room looking for some form of escape when I accidently caught the eye of Angelina Johnson.

"Oh, it's YOU!"

My insides actually quivered. What did she mean, oh it's _me?_ Had I even met her before? I supposed I must have at some point through Ginny's links with the Harpies but I wouldn't have thought anyone like Angelina would have remembered me. She however clearly thought I was someone and she was hurrying over.

"George I can't believe you didn't tell me you got paired with –oi, Fred let go!"

Fred and intercepted her and was quickly dragging her over to the bar area of the restaurant where they seemed to descend in to some sort of argument. I gazed up at George in bewilderment.

"I have no idea what's going on."

George had been looking equally as baffled as me but he chuckled at my words.

"Me either. C'mon, let's go join Alicia and _Gerald_."

I rolled my eyes at his childish amusement at the name before I nodded my agreement. George seemed to hesitate for a moment and darted a quick look between Astoria and me but he quickly closed his mouth when I shook my head at him. Whatever he wanted to ask I _really_ didn't want to hear it at that moment.

I never did get to hear the end of Angelina's question as Fred had placed her down the far end of the table from me. Dinner itself seemed to pass in a bit of a blur with me mainly preoccupied about not hyperventilating and trying desperately not to sweat with nerves. The only bit that stood out had been the mortifying moment when the waitress had asked me for my ID before they would serve me wine. Just me, none of the others. With my face flaming I'd fished out my provisional drivers licence that my mam had insisted I get back when I was sixteen and I thanked whatever deities that were out there that I still had it otherwise I don't know what I would have done. We were in a room full of muggles so magic would have been out of the question.

That cringe worthy moment aside I had spent most of my time trying to keep control of my breathing as I focused on analysing potential escape routes from the restaurant and keeping an eye on the customers that were coming in through the main door. It actually appeared that this wasn't just a sit down restaurant but they had a take away order area too which seemed a bit weird to me given the type of restaurant this had seemed to be from the outside. The customers inside all seemed pretty normal boring muggles. There didn't appear to be any sort of threat. There was one man at a table for two sat on his own, and by the time our dessert course was starting I had assumed he had been stood up. The way his table and chair were positioned though gave me pause. It was almost as though he was monitoring the restaurant himself. Given the weird things I'd seen outside, and the type of people coming to the takeaway counter, my mind began to whirr. It was almost as though this restaurant was under surveillance…

"Non? Hey, Non?"

George's hand on my arm had me glancing up in confusion only to see the whole table, and a waitress, looking at me.

"Oh s-sorry, what?"

Oh God how long had they been staring at me?

"Did you want an after dinner coffee or anything?"

The waitress could barely hide her annoyance at me and I had to fight against ducking my head in embarrassment even as I felt my face burn.

"Oh, no thank you."

With a tight smile the waitress headed off to get whatever drinks the others had asked for and I mumbled a quick excuse to George as I hurried from the table to the toilets where I promptly locked myself in a stall, closed the lid on the loo, sat on it and shoved my head in my hands.

I was now in the situation where I knew I had to really calm myself down but I also knew that I couldn't take too long to do it otherwise they'd send someone in to find me. I'd only really half done it when I knew I had to return to the table. I shakily washed my hands and tried to ignore my pale reflection in the mirror.

As I made my way back to the table I could see Alicia, Gerald, Astoria and Lee all loitering near the bar where it looked like the twins were settling up the bill at the far end. Shit I hadn't given any money to anyone yet for it and I started to make my way over to George, and as I got closer I could start to pick out what Lee's group were saying.

"…bit bloody quiet isn't she?"

"Oh behave Lee she's just shy."

"Boring if you ask me. Not exactly a looker either - Ouch! What did you do that for?"

"You Lee Jordan, are a prat."

The way I had been walking meant that I was one set of tables over from them so I could make my way passed without them seeing me and I fought to keep my expression blank as I heard Lee's words, even if I was thankful it seemed that Alicia had just punched him in the arm.

I mean, I wasn't a looker was I? I'd thought exactly that myself, that I wasn't pretty enough for someone like George although it was something else to hear it from one of his best friends. It wasn't even that I thought I was ugly, most of the time I didn't think I was, but there was a big difference between just being okay looking and _pretty_. All the other witches here tonight were definitely in the latter category. And I already knew I was too boring for someone as exciting as George. It was one of the reasons I knew we were poorly matched. I felt a heavy weight settle in my stomach even as I plastered a smile on my face as George grinned over to me. What did it matter truly when all we were going to be was friends?

"Alright Non?"

"Yeah all good. How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing."

By George's cheeky grin I think he'd guessed I was about to take issue with that but some movement outside caught my eye and I frowned, completely distracted.

"What's up?"

George was looking between me and the window in confusion.

"I think there's going to be a raid."

Nothing else made sense to me although George looked baffled by my words. The restaurant was clearly under surveillance from outside, the bloke at the table by himself was clearly an undercover muggle police offer given how he had been meticulously following who was entering and leaving and the take away counter could be the perfect cover for either the sale of something like drugs or even just plain simple money laundering. It could be that I'd thought the matter over too much to calm myself down when I was in the toilets.

As our group noisily exited the restaurant we had only made it about twenty metres down the street when the sound of sirens burst forth followed by the screeching of tires before at least ten police officers materialised, with half of them entering the restaurant.

George started laughing loudly.

"What on earth is funny about that George?"

"Nothing 'Mione, just that Non called it. How did you bloody know that was going to happen?"

I ducked my head slightly as the whole group looked at me.

"Er well, it was under surveillance from that empty shop across the way, the parked up car and that kiosk. And there was a plain clothed police officer inside, you know the man that looked like he'd been stood up?"

"So _that's_ why you kept staring at him."

I glanced at George, this time it was my turn to be confused. I hadn't been staring, had I?

"Wait, wait, how the hell did you notice all of that? I didn't even see there was a bloke on his own."

Lee Jordan had a fierce frown on his face as he tried to puzzle it out.

"Because dear, she's an auror."

Lee burst out laughing at Astoria's words and I glanced down at my feet at the reaction. Of course he wouldn't think I was one although I was surprised Astoria knew. I would have to try and find out how.

"Ha that's a good one Tori! Honestly, I never thought you would be this funny. Oi- ouch! Why does everyone keep punching me today?"

I glanced up in surprise and wondered which of the group had punched him this time.

"What wait you mean she is-" Lee paused to glance at me incredulously "You mean you _are_ an auror?"

I just gave him a tight lipped smile and a nod. I mean I could see why the twins got on with him, and I guessed for the most part he was harmless but I could still hear his words from by the bar. I didn't think I'd ever forget them.

"Jordan even if it kills me you will one day learn some manners."

"Hey now I have manners, right guys? Right?"

We as a group started moving on again then.

"Sorry about Lee. He can be a bit of a prat."

I stopped chewing on my lip as I glanced across to George who was ambling along beside me although I was thankful he'd refrained from slinging an arm around my shoulders this time.

"Oh don't apologise. He just reacted like most people do."

"Well, are you alright though? It wasn't all too bad?"

"It was fine George. Look can you not…not ask too much about it tonight? I just…" I trailed off unsure how to explain myself. Why were words always so hard? "I'd just like to not have to acknowledge it all."

I frowned at myself. That hadn't quite come out right and I could see George looked confused but his normal half smile was still there.

"Right you are." He flung an arm around my shoulder and I had to suppress a sight of annoyance. "Last one to the Leaky buys the first round!"

Of course by the time we did all get to the Leaky it turned out that Lee was last in and as it was his birthday he refused point blank to buy the drinks.

The twins had managed to convince the landlord Tom to let them book out the Leaky for a private function so I let out a pent up sigh of nerves I hadn't even realised I'd been holding on to when the relief hit me that I wouldn't have to be worrying about random photographers or members of the press.

Given this was a joint birthday celebration there were a _lot_ of people in the pub, but the majority of them were people I knew and as the drinks started flowing I managed to have reached the point where I'd drunk enough wine that I was happy to catch up with some friendly faces that I hadn't seen for months as I managed to free myself from under George's arm to mingle.

I finally found myself in a group with Ginny, Susan and Hannah Longbottom and as I gazed about the pub I felt for the first time that evening both happy and comfortable. Everyone was enjoying themselves, Lee and George seemed to be involved in some sort of drinking competition while Fred and Hermione were bizarrely in some sort of dance off with Angelina and Cormac. I felt a bit bad that I hadn't spoken to him during the meal but then again, I'd hardly spoken at all. There was a live band playing, and occasionally someone from the gathering would go up to sing a song, sort of like muggle karaoke. It was a nice idea although Ginny had had to forcibly remove Harry from the stage. He'd arrived late and in the process of playing catch up had gotten too drunk too quick. Everyone knew he couldn't sing a single note let alone a song so the fact that he'd actively chosen to get up on stage spoke volumes. He was currently being kept at a table in between Neville Longbottom and Terry Boot.

"Oi Non, when can you come and meet me for lunch?"

Ginny's eyes were bright with merriment, given it was still early in the week she was allowing herself to indulge in a few drinks as she still had plenty of time to recover before her match for the weekend.

"Oh Gin I don't know. Work is so busy. I think this week? Or maybe I could come over for dinner?"

I pulled a face. My work rota really was making everything impossible.

"Well you should. You've been seeing more of bloody George than me."

"Oh has she now?" Hannah gave me a nudge in the side with her elbow. "And just how _is_ that going dear Non?"

I eyed the three of them wearily not liking the wide grins that were slowly spreading across their faces and I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to answer that. We're only trying to be friends."

Hannah laughed as though I'd said the funniest thing in the world.

"Why is that so funny?"

I scowled at her heavily but that only seemed to set Susan and Ginny off laughing too and I huffed.

"I don't think I like any of you. I'm going to go and find some _nice_ people to talk to."

I left them laughing behind me as I snagged another glass of wine and made a beeline for Luna who I had just seen. She was looking very pink in the face.

"What's up with you?"

"Oh hello Non." Luna sounded even dreamier than normal. "What a lovely evening this is. I was just saying good night to Ronald, he's had to leave now as he starts work early in the morning. You know, he's a wonderful kisser."

I had been in the process of taking a drink of my wine but at Luna's words I choked on it so hard it came out of my nose. I was still spluttering at her in shock when a hand grabbed my arm and started to tug me away. I glanced around in annoyance.

"Ernie what on earth are you doing?"

"Here she is gents, she'll close the show for us. One last song before we're booted out."

I gaped at him in confusion and then glanced around me. Sweet Merlin he'd led me to the band area and the group that were comprised mainly of goblins were looking at me expectantly. I glanced in desperation towards my friends to come and rescue me and felt relieved when Hannah caught my eye.

"Oh is Non going to play? Brilliant!"

She'd shrieked it so loudly that others who had been busy with their own conversations broke off to look at me. I shot Hannah a fierce glare before Ernie pushed me over to the piano. Despite my buffer of wine I could feel panic smashing against the inside of my chest.

"Ernie I haven't played any songs for years."

I hissed the words at him but he jovially laughed me off.

"Don't be silly Non, just play the one you used to at our Puffer parties."

Before I could say anything more he'd hurried off. It had now been quite a while since any music had been playing and people were starting to get a bit restless.

"Play louder love, we can't hear you!"

I couldn't be sure who had shouted that but I thought perhaps it was Cormac. I decided to add his name to Ernie and Hannah's on my list for revenge. I darted another slightly panicked look around the pub to see that nearly everyone was now looking. Shit I should have just played something nice and quick before people noticed, now I bloody well had their attention. I couldn't just run off now either could I and spoil the evening. I bit my lip as I sat myself at the piano and tried to take a steadying breath as I ducked my head down.

I mean, it's not like I'd never played in front of an audience before. Every summer I used to participate in the Eisteddfod. That's what having a music teacher for a mother did to you. And hey in the Eisteddfod's people weren't just watching, you had to perform in front of a panel of judges. Now that was proper pressure. In the past the crowd in the pub wouldn't have bothered me that much at all but I hadn't played in years and I didn't even know if I could still actually sing. A few notes sure, but a whole song? I swallowed heavily as I placed my fingers on the keys and sent a prayer to Helga that I got through this.

After the opening couple of lines I managed to get my voice to stop wobbling and I was amazed to find that I _could_ still sing. My vocal chords felt a bit funny, like there was some weird extra vibration, but I was still carrying a tune. I'd never had the most powerful voice so I made sure not to play the piano too loudly, which turned out to be a good thing as I hit quite a few dud notes. I hoped no one would notice.

As soon as I finished I let my shoulders slump as I let out a huge breath of air and passed a steadying hand over my face. That had been horrible. Thank god I was actually a bit drunk I think I'd have passed out if I was sober. I managed a quick smile at the band as they set about packing up and I made a beeline towards Hannah and Ernie where I hoped my annoyance showed on my face. Before I could even snap out a word though she'd flung herself at me in a hug.

"Oh Non you were wonderful. It was just like being back at H-Hogwarts!"

Oh dear lord she was crying. She always had been very emotional. I patted her on the back awkwardly and shot a panicked look at Susan who just shrugged at me as she tucked herself into the crook of Ernie's arm. Ernie looked like he couldn't wait to speak to me.

"Not bad Non, not bad at all. I mean, I get why Anna and Chloe did most of the solo singing at school but you know, your voice isn't half bad on its own."

I blinked. Was that…a compliment? An insult?

"…thank you?"

"Don't mind him Non, you were great. I could never have done anything like that. I reckon I best get him out of here before he forces someone else to perform."

I smiled at Susan's words as she managed to get Hannah to release me too and she led the two of them out of the pub.

Fatigue hit me then. It had been such an intense evening and I recalled Luna's words that Ron had left early because he had an early shift because I now remembered I was working that shift with him. I probably should have left at least an hour ago. Although I couldn't wait for the morning actually. He'd bloody well _kissed_ Luna! Merlin did I have questions to ask him.

"Oi Non, come and help!"

I glanced about in confusion to see Fred beckoning to me before he nearly tipped sideways as he tried to maintain his hold on a swaying Hermione and George. I hurried over to them.

"What's up?"

"This prat is completely pissed."

Fred gestured with his head towards George and I giggled to see George staring blearily down at me, his eyes most definitely not focusing properly.

"And well 'Mione is too. I'm just going to see she gets home safe, can you walk my light weight twin back to ours for me?"

"Sure thing Fred."

He sent me a grateful smile and started to hurry Hermione towards the front door of the pub when a thought hit me and I frowned.

"Hey wait Fred – Fred!"

I was too late though, he'd already left. I mean why didn't I just take Hermione home given she lived with me and Fred walk George home given they lived together? That would have made _far_ more sense. I huffed slightly in annoyance before I turned my full attention to George.

"Ready to go home George?"

The only answer I got was a goofy smile and with a small sigh of acceptance I grabbed hold of his arm and led him to the entranceway to Diagon Alley.

You know if I'd have known it would take half hour to walk an absolutely drunk as a fart George Weasley up the road I think I'd have just let him pass out in the pub. We couldn't walk past a single shop front without him dragging me over to it and talking at the top of his voice to explain things to me. For some reason he found the window display at the apothecary especially important to point out.

By the time we got to the door of his flat his arm was around my shoulder and he kept giggling into my ear. I could feel a small smile tugging at the corner of my mouth despite feeling so tired. He was harmless really if not a bit annoying.

"You walked me home."

He crooned the words at me and I giggled slightly as he nearly fell through the door.

"That I did George. Why don't you get changed for bed and I'll go and get you some water."

I gave him a small shove and he stumbled off down the landing towards his bedroom and I hurried into the kitchen to get him a drink. If he could manage even one glass before he slept it would be something. I glanced at my watch and winced. It was nearly one o'clock in the morning and he'd have to be opening the shop at nine. He was going to suffer I had no doubt.

I hesitantly made my way towards George's room. I didn't know if I should go in but then again how was he to get the water? I shrugged to myself as I poked my head around his open door and I snorted out a laugh.

He'd managed to get half undressed before he'd clearly fallen on the bed and he looked like he was currently passed out, flat on his back. I hurried over to the bed and placed the glass of water down on his bedside table. It was quite a small room but every available surface was covered with books and scrolls and I smiled lightly. It seemed that George Weasley was a studier. I grabbed hold of his arm and tugged so that he rolled to be sleeping on his side. It was weird to see George sleeping where for once his face wasn't animated. I shook my head at myself before I opened my bag and murmured a quick accio to bring my small chest of potions to my hand. I opened it carefully and quickly extracted a hydrating potion. It wasn't quite as effective as a full hangover cure but it was better than nothing, and I placed it ready for George next to his glass of water.

I tiptoed my way back out the room and after a muttered _nox_ I quietly shut the door only to turn and find myself face to face with Fred. I drew my breath in so quickly to almost scream I started to choke on it and Fred chuckled quietly as he patted me on the head.

"There, there Non, I didn't mean to startle you."

Liar.

"Yes you did."

"You're right, I did. Now I take it you're done ravishing George you're going to head home?"

" _Ravish_? I didn't ravish him!"

"A likely story Non." He bopped me on the nose and I blinked. Huh perhaps Fred hadn't been as sober as I'd thought. "After you seduced him with your song I'm sure he didn't put up a fight."

I thought back to mine and George's walk back to the flat. He hadn't mentioned my singing at all, in fact he'd been babbling on about sneezewort and sopophorus beans most of the time. Fred was clearly talking rubbish.

"Um, I don't think I've ever seduced anyone before in my life Fred."

Fred laughed like I'd said something very funny and I felt slightly perplexed. You know, a lot of people had done that to me today and I didn't quite know how to process it.

"Well I'm going to head off, early start 'n all and you," I thrust a finger into Fred's startled face, "had better not have taken advantage of Hermione."

Fred attempted to plaster an innocent expression on his face.

"I would _never_ do such a thing. I mean I couldn't speak for 'Mione though. She could very much take advantage of me."

Could or had I wondered as a wicked smile was appearing on his face.

"I'm going to file that under information I don't want to know. G'night Fred."

"'Night Non. Ha, night Non. That's funny."

I just shook my head at him as I made my way back outside and apparated quickly home. As I settled into bed I tried to take stock of the evening. The amount of wine I'd had meant I didn't currently feel too dreadfully about everything and really the Leaky part had passed in a bit of a blur but what made me feel happiest was that I'd actually managed to sing a whole song. Not the performing to an audience part but just the singing. I mean I hadn't done that since before the war. Perhaps, _perhaps_ my voice wasn't broken. I sighed happily as I snuggled my head into my pillows. Because you know, that meant something. If I could actually sing again…that would mean the world.

 **A/N: Hello to all my new followers and to all you lovely readers, I hope you liked this chapter. It was a tricky one to write so not sure it worked.**

 **If you've reviewed - thank you SO much. I'm sorry I haven't had chance to reply by PM this week.**

 **Eisteddfod – this is a Welsh language festival of the arts. There are competitions in writing, poetry, drama, singing, dancing, music etc. For children in Wales we typically all take part in the Urdd Eisteddfod (which is for children of schooling age – which is why Non has competed in them before), the Eisteddfod Genedlaethol is for typically young adults and above with the highest honour being to win the Chair – this is for the best poet. Poetry and song are hugely important to Welsh culture. If you're interested in learning more a quick search on the internet should provide you with a lot of information. Or if you have any particular questions feel free to drop me a line.**

 **Diolch,**

 **Yav**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 18

I startled awake at the sound of my alarm and as I blearily reached out to turn it off my mind struggled to piece together why I was so tired. It didn't take me too long to recall the evening before and after sparing a moment to curse Ernie silently for making me perform in front of people, I still near bounced out of bed and down to the kitchen with a smile on my face. I actually felt happy, or at least happier than I had in ages.

I smirked to myself wondering what state George would be in when he woke up but as I took a gulp from my glass of water I froze. Shit. My throat felt weird. It wasn't the scratching pain like I'd experienced before but I still felt a swooping feeling like a dull sense of dread settle in my stomach. Shit, shit, shit.

Even as I tried to shrug off the feeling my body was reacting as though I was panicking and I could feel myself start to sweat. My happy mood now most definitely gone I glanced at the clock before rushing to get ready, I didn't want to be late to meet Ron. We had a new surveillance point set up, this time to monitor the possibly not so abandoned cottage where Harry and I had seen CMG disappear into and we faced a long trek to get to it. We'd had to forgo magical methods of getting close to our set up simply because it was a far too obvious way of letting the cottage dweller know we were watching. Magic, for all its uses, gave off markers for those trained to see them and we had no doubt given the complex experimental magic CMG was using that he would know to recognise them.

By the time I'd shrugged into my auror robes and aparated to a small designated clearing I felt that I'd just about managed to calm myself. Ron was already there waiting for me and I almost did a double take. He looked _dreadful_. He was back to having huge purple bags under his eyes and it wasn't hard for me to guess he hadn't had any sleep last night. He looked miserable as sin.

"Alright?"

He grunted a moody greeting at me and I nodded before replying.

"Yeah, morning."

Or at least, that's what I'd tried to say. The words were hardly intelligible from the hoarse mess of noise that came from my mouth and my hand instinctively clutched at my throat where I'd actually felt my vocal chords react abnormally. It was like there was an extra layer of air coating them, like they weren't connecting properly. Even as I saw Ron startle at the noise I'd made I felt that sinking feeling of dread that I'd managed to push to one side slam back into me and my face crumpled. I just about managed to turn from Ron before I burst into tears.

I yanked my robe to cover my face as I desperately tried to stop them. I couldn't cry in front of a colleague like this let alone Ron, he'd only bloody well tell everyone else. My tears thankfully passed nearly as quickly as they came but even as I sniffed and rubbed at my face all I could feel was bitterness. That I'd been so stupid as to think that my voice had magically healed itself. How the fuck had I duped myself so thoroughly that I'd actually dared be happy? How many times did I have to learn that singing was something I just simply couldn't do now? The worst part of it was that I knew I'd actually sounded a bit good last night. And that once upon a time in my life I'd actually had a natural talent, but thanks to the Death Eaters I'd ever have it again. I closed my eyes as I tried to compose myself and instantly regretted it as an all too familiar scene appeared.

" _Again. Make her sing."_

" _CRUCIO."_

"Oi Llewellyn. Non!"

I let out a strangled gasp and swung around blindly at the feel of a hand on my shoulder and as I snapped my eyes open I was confronted with the face of a very startled Ron and I stumbled back a step. My eyes darted around as though I could reassure myself that I wasn't back in that room. Back with them. As I took in the sight of the gorse bushes, the feel of the wind snapping at my cloak and the cried of seagulls in the air my body finally decided to believe my senses in order to calm down enough that I could risk looking at Ron.

Shit that had been almost a waking flashback and I hadn't had one of those in well over a year. To cover my panic I tried my best to offer him a grimace of a smile.

"Sorry. Bad day."

He actually winced at the sound of my voice but just grunted his understanding and gestured for me to follow him.

I spent the walk to our hideout trying to keep myself calm. I counted my steps, my breaths, the number of birds I could see…anything really to keep me grounded in reality. As we got ourselves settled to monitor the cottage Ron startled me by speaking.

"What happened to your voice? You sounded fine yesterday."

I struggled to choke the words out against the all too familiar lump in my throat that indicated tears weren't far away.

"I sang."

"Luna said you did, she said you were good."

I let out a strangled harsh laugh.

"I'm not supposed to." I paused, wondering whether I should say anything more. I mean no one but the healers and Beckett knew about it. "M-my vocal chords are fucked Weasley."

I blinked, slightly surprised at myself as I'd said the words before I'd even realised I'd made up my mind. I waited for the familiar fear or panic to hit at me but it weirdly didn't and I counted that as one bonus at least. I hoped by telling Ron this he wouldn't think I was a complete emotional wreck for bursting into tears earlier. I rubbed at my face tiredly even as I recalled that. Merlin, I truly was pathetic.

"I can bloody well hear that Llewellyn. What happened?"

I froze at that question. I couldn't tell him. No one else could ever know what happened. As I thought of a reply I felt a bitter smile twist onto my mouth.

"Overuse."

Technically not a lie. In fact, it was probably an extremely accurate word just minus the context. I kept my eyes trained on the cottage, counting my breaths in and out where I was fully content to ignore Ron, to try and ignore everything apart from the view in front of me.

"I kissed Luna."

I startled in my seat. It seemed that Ron had other ideas and he continued to talk.

"I was jealous of Hermione and Fred. I-I never made her that happy. Like she was last night. I never gave her that."

And so he'd used Luna. Hermione was moving on and he'd wanted to prove that he could to. If I hadn't been feeling such a mess myself I think I'd have given him a stern talking to but as I risked a quick glance at him from the corner of my eye and saw just how miserable he was looking I guessed he'd already lectured himself. It was actually very unusual for Ron of all people to confide anything in me and I wondered if it was because I'd sort of confided in him.

"Luna said you were a wonderful kisser."

I heard Ron take in a sharp breath.

"She did?"

I nodded silently and I hoped that Ron had seen it. My throat had now moved on from feeling a bit weird to actively starting to hurt and I rummaged in my bag for my flask of tea and tin of treats that I always had ready for surveillance. I poured us both a cup and waved the tin over to Ron with a swish of my wand after having grabbed one cookie for myself. In truth I really wasn't hungry, I felt queasy more than anything and sure enough just the one small bit I tried to take felt like saw dust in my mouth.

Our eight hour stint passed without incident. I supposed in a way I should have been grateful. We were actually in quite a peaceful setting and I didn't have to talk but all that did was leave me with my thoughts. I should have just said no when Ernie tried to make me perform. Then I wouldn't have known for absolutely sure that despite the passage of time my voice was still completely fucked. I mean I should have known, just screaming from a nightmare was enough to give me a sore throat for days I mean what the fuck did I expect?

I was pathetic truly, that I could delude myself this much. Perhaps this was all karma. I'd taken everything for granted so much before the war perhaps this was my penance. To never be able to do one of the things I'd absolutely loved. I surely deserved it. No one had been so pathetic as me, so wholly unprepared for war despite all the signs staring the magical world in the face.

Despite knowing I shouldn't, I kept up my internal diatribe and by the time I got back to the Ministry I was in a foul mood. I shot an irate glare at the overflowing outstanding cases tray. Stupid fucking Gilden was so fucking lazy he couldn't even figure out how to prioritise a case load. I'd worked so damn hard with Hopkiss and Aldred to get a new system in place, to literally streamline the process and Gilden had let it all go to shit.

I cast a dark glance at Beckett's door. This was his bloody fault too. If he'd just have left me to continue doing my desk work we wouldn't be so bloody behind on cases. A bright purple internal memo zoomed into the room and I snatched it out of the air. I'd been sure to check that Stent and Proctor weren't around before I'd stomped my way into the room and I was absurdly glad I didn't for once have to put on my brainless, giggling façade. I ripped the memo open and swore inwardly. Another fucking maintenance fault from Azkaban.

Why, just bloody sodding fucking why were we getting so many and what was being done about it? I felt a trickle of concern seep down my spine with the realisation that CMG, experimental magic and the ward failures could all be linked. I needed to know so much more about the wards at Azkaban than the information I currently had and I needed to know if the maintenance faults were normal or if there was something sinister behind them. I turned on my heel and stomped back out the room to head down a level to the maintenance team.

I supposed really that maintenance wasn't the correct term for them. They were the ones in charge of fixing wards at all Ministry owned buildings. These were normally minor things, really dead simple routine issues that meant the bulk of the people in this department were bored most of the time. I guess that was why they seemingly couldn't fix the Azkaban issue – it was too much work. I passed the door to the Obliviators department before yanking the next door open without even knocking.

There were only two very startled wizards in the room and I stomped up to one of them before thrusting the memo into his face.

"I need the maintenance records of the wards and shields at Azkaban from the time we took it over from the Dementors to today."

I felt inordinately pleased as the wizard shrank back from me, not that I could blame him my voice sounded disgusting.

"That's…that's a lot of records love."

"Then I'll give you until a week Friday. And don't," I leant in closer, "call me love. Are we clear?"

The slightly fat middle aged wizard nodded his head at me quickly as I snatched up a quill and a piece of parchment from his desk to scribble my details down on so he knew where to send the results.

Feeling slightly better I stomped back out of the room and back down the corridor. I was about halfway along when I heard a strange thump from one of the storage cupboards. I always found it weird that we had these but I vaguely recalled Percy mentioning it was easier for the house elves if each department had the items they'd need on hand to prevent them needing to retrieve them from a main storage area. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion after another thump before I yanked the door open. And immediately wished I hadn't.

I stumbled back trying to cover my eyes as a strangled, garbled attempted shriek left me. Answering squawks of dismay reached my ears and I stubbornly kept my eyes averted. I couldn't believe what I'd just seen and I felt myself blush furiously. I mean seriously, what had I done to deserve this? I mean fucking hell. Benson had been in the storage room shagging bloody Rita fucking Skeeter. Who, I now knew, practiced full bodily hair removal. Fucking hell my poor eyes. Poor me. I, urgh, fucking hell I don't think I could ever un-see it.

"We-we're respectable now Llewellyn."

I nearly snorted. Respectable? Fat chance of that Benson. I, very bravely I felt, turned my eyes back to them and I narrowed them at Skeeter before pointing an arm down the corridor where the lift was.

"You, go, now."

Perhaps it was my voice or perhaps I'd managed to convey some sort of menace in my look but she departed without a word and I turned to a quivering Benson.

"You, with me."

I escorted Benson to one of the interview rooms and I felt a brief pang of guilt as I saw how pale and scared he looked before I slid into a seat opposite him.

"Explain."

And Benson, bless him, leapt at the chance. It all came blabbing out of him. How Skeeter often called down at the auror reception desk to see if she could get hold of any information for a story, and that some three months back things had started to change. She'd actively started to pursue him. Poor Benson looked so amazed by that, like he couldn't believe his luck, that I almost smiled. I mean I didn't believe for one second that Skeeter was being completely sincere, what I really wanted to know was had Benson let anything slip about the auror department to her? He was adamant he hadn't.

"I wouldn't do that Llewellyn. It would cost me my job. I told Rita, I let her know that I couldn't have anything with her if she tried to get me to reveal confidential information."

I reached out and patted his hand sympathetically, an idea starting to form in my mind.

"I believe you Benson. I think it's sweet actually. At a time when most don't have a choice of who they end up with you two have that chance, that opportunity, to see where things go. I-I'm actually jealous."

Benson gazed at me with wide eyes.

"Are you really?"

I nodded softly, not wanting to use my voice more than I had to. I mean I was only partly lying. I mean Merlin, who could be jealous of someone being in a relationship with Rita Skeeter?

"Am I…can I still see her?"

I felt slightly alarmed he was asking me for permission and I rubbed at my chin as I pretended to consider it.

"Of course you can Benson. I won't tell on you. But remember, everything classified stays classified."

He nodded enthusiastically at my stern look.

"Oh yes. That goes without saying, of course. I mean I would never betray our department. Thank you Llewellyn, I-I owe you one."

 _Why yes Benson, you do_.

I tried to cover my surge of victory at things having panned out exactly as I wanted and I stood and indicated to Benson I'd walk him to his desk. You see the thing about Benson was that while he was the reception clerk he was often overlooked, and I knew just how that felt. But more importantly as the reception clerk he had access to all the comings and goings of the aurors in the department. He, weirdly, would know people's work rotas and that was exactly what I wanted.

As I made to leave him I pretended to pause to say something before reconsidering and shaking my head.

"What is it Llewellyn, can I help?"

"Oh it's nothing."

"No please, just ask."

"Well…" I took my time pretending to ponder. "I mean this isn't really for me. More for a friend. They need to know the rota of a certain auror, you couldn't help with that could you?"

Benson looked relieved.

"Oh is that all? Yes of course I can. Whose do you want?"

I couldn't believe my luck. After looking through Stent's Thursday rota, Hermione and I had figured out that her assailant had been Auror Tilden and I quickly gave Benson the name. Within five minutes I had Tilden's monthly rota.

"Benson, you're a star, you know that?"

I left him blushing slightly as I walked back to my desk. I still had a lump of gloom sat in my stomach but I at least didn't feel quite as furious as I had earlier despite how awful my voice sounded. I rummaged in my bag to fish out George's notepad with the idea to ask how he was only to see he'd already messaged.

 **{You're my hero. My Non in shining armour. You're perfect.}**

 _ **{Ar you stil drunk?}**_

I sat back with a bemused smile. I wasn't sure what time he'd sent the message as the notepad didn't reveal that but he surely must have been. I read over my reply again and my face fell. Shit I really couldn't spell. Perfect? I was rubbish. I was about to snap the notepad shut when a reply came through.

 **{I was a bit. Not now though. Seriously Non you saved me from a day of hell.}**

Well lucky him.

 _ **{Glad I helped.}**_

 **{You always do.}**

 **{I can't remember if I told you on the walk home but you were amazing.}**

I frowned in confusion. What had he thought had happened?

 _ **{Say what?}**_

 **{At singing. If I had a voice like yours I'd sing all of the time.}**

I felt my face start to crumple again and I ducked my head so no others in the department could see even as I snapped the notepad shut and shoved it away from me as though I could hide myself from the words. I _had_ used to sing all of the time.

It wasn't even bitterness that hit me this time but full blown misery and anger. Why the fuck couldn't Ernie have left me alone? Why the fuck did George have to keep trying to be so nice? Why couldn't I just be left fucking alone? I was sick of having to socialise so much, to have to pretend to be okay all of the time. If I hadn't had to socialise I'd never have had to sing and then I wouldn't be feeling so rubbish.

I angrily shoved the notepad back into my bag before I snatched up my notes on the counterfeit goods. I'd at least had a reply from the French Ministry to say they would get the information to me by the end of the week which was at least something positive and I threw myself back into work. I didn't want to think about anything else.

The next day I got up stupidly early, left a scribbled note for Hermione wishing her a happy birthday together with Tilden's rota before I guiltily went in to work. I didn't need to be in early and I really should have at least waited to see Hermione that morning but I didn't want to face any questions from her about my voice.

The rest of my week followed a similar routine. I'd get up early and work late and do everything I could to avoid seeing anyone. The cloud of misery that I'd felt settle over me only seemed to get worse until it was a struggle to even get out of bed. My nightmares came back so badly I'd had to place a silencing charm on my room as I was so worried Hermione would hear me and in that moment I bitterly resented her living with me. I couldn't even be myself in my own house any more.

It seemed that everything was irritating me. Hermione's hair was bloody everywhere in the bathroom, we always seemed to be on the cusp of running out of food, her books and parchments were _everywhere_ downstairs. It wasn't even that she was messy it's just my house was so small and she had so much work it soon took up all the space.

Work wasn't any better. There was constant noise in the room so much so I found it hard to concentrate. Just as I'd be pulling on a thread of our investigation Ron would come barging in or Harry would be whistling stupidly to himself, and there were _so_ many memo's zooming about the place. I'd even resorted to wearing my herbology ear defenders as a means to cut out the noise until Beckett has surprised me with an actual fucking dung bomb and then bawled me out for not being constantly prepared. I'd taken myself off to clean up in the shower and stewed there for a good half hour before I felt I could trust myself not to shout at him.

My planner went out the window given I was practically living at work. I hadn't gone for a run in days, I'd missed my shopping for food and potions supplies, I'd not had chance to do my breathing exercises and I hadn't even been able to face the stupid notepad to see George's last message about singing. I felt awful, truly awful and I knew when I was like this it was best just to avoid everyone. I mean I was miserable enough on my own I didn't want to share that around.

What made it worse was that I still had to pretend to almost fail at training. Usually when I felt bad I could train and prove to myself I was still capable but with Stent and Proctor stinking up the place I just didn't have that option to me either. I just wanted to lock myself away and hide, preferably under a duvet, until I felt at least marginally better.

By the following Thursday I was pretty much communicating in Ron like grunts to everyone except Benson who still seemed so thankful that I hadn't blabbed his secret relationship to Beckett that he was going out of his way to be extra nice to me.

"Get in here Llewellyn."

I cast a very carefully crafted blank look at Beckett as he glowered at me from the door to his office. I hadn't said a single word to him since the dung bomb incident on Tuesday and I nodded my head stiffly to show I'd heard before I made my way over.

"Sit."

God, he really did like ordering people around like they were dogs. I sat anyway.

As Beckett stared at me I pointedly stared straight ahead at the clock on the wall and waited for him to speak. Ten very long minutes later he let out an exasperated sigh.

"You're finished for the day Llewellyn. Go home, get some rest and come back in tomorrow morning."

"Why?"

I frowned at him in confusion and wondered if people could grind their teeth hard enough people could actually hear it as I took in how tense Beckett's jaw was.

"Because I just ordered you to. Do you understand what an order is Llewellyn?"

I bit back one of the sarcastic replies that wanted to slip from my mouth and I nodded my head instead and stood.

"Oh good, no answering back. Take this Llewellyn and be sure to drink it. When you start back stick to your actual rota, I don't want to see you skulking about the place when you shouldn't be here."

He'd thrust a brown paper package at me and I almost fumbled with it before I clasped it to my chest, nodded again and left his room. It didn't take me long to gather my things and I didn't even spare a glance at Harry and Ron before I took myself off to the aparation point and soon found myself at home.

As I set the kettle to boil I unwrapped the package to see a jar of hot chocolate.

 _Huh, what does he think this will do, magically make me feel better_?

I shrugged to myself even as I surveyed the room. I really needed to clean in here. I needed to harvest more vegetables from the garden too and check on the green house. Plus I needed to start a batch of potions as my money was running low and I soon would struggle to afford the more complex ones. Merlin I had my laundry to do too. I sat wearily at the table and rested my head on it and sighed. I didn't have the energy to do any of it.

As the kettle sang I tiredly flicked my wand and watched as a teaspoon scooped some of the chocolate powder into a mug before the kettle poured some water into it and a large glug of milk followed. I set the teaspoon to stir as I ran a hand over my face and moved to tuck my hair behind my ear. God I needed to wash it, it was at that lank horrible stage but I couldn't even face having a shower. I scraped it back from my face and tied it up before managing to stand and grab the mug, even as I summonsed my duvet down from upstairs. It was waiting for me in the hall and I dragged it behind me into the living room where I made a beeline for the sofa. I sank into it, wrapped the duvet around me and took a sip of my drink.

I mean it wasn't amazing but it was nice, and for the next half hour I sipped at it slowly and just did everything I could not to think. I just felt so tired, and so sad, and I just wanted everything to go away. When my mug was empty I yanked the covers up over my head and did what I'd been wanting to do and hid from the world.

I supposed I must have fallen asleep as a loud banging noise startled me into consciousness and I panicked for a moment when I was met with suffocating darkness before I managed to free my head from the duvet. I glanced around in confusion before my eyes widened in alarm to see George standing in the doorway.

"What are you doing here?"

Okay that came out a bit more rudely than I'd meant and I had to hide a wince as what had been almost concern on George's face morphed into annoyance.

"I came to see if you were okay. I did knock you know but you didn't answer. Why are you on the couch?"

I flushed as I automatically ducked my head and went to push my hair behind my ear only to realise it was still tied back. Oh god my hair was ridiculously greasy. I knew I had at least four spots on my chin and I was sure I'd been dribbling in my sleep. Fuck I must look terrible. I studiously avoided looking at George as I clutched my duvet closer like a shield.

"I was having a duvet day."

"Right. And the whole of last week, where have you been?"

"Working."

I muttered the word moodily as I traced the flower pattern on my bedding. I mean what was it his business anyway?

"You were too busy even to reply to a message or a letter? You've ignored me, Ginny and Luna, plus Hermione says she hasn't even seen you not even on her birthday."

I shrugged.

"Non."

The sharpness of George's voice had me looking up despite myself only to see he'd walked closer and was now hovering near the edge of the sofa and I felt my shoulders stiffen even as he frowned.

"What's wrong?"

Damn it he'd said that so softly, like he actually wanted to know and I felt my breath catch even as my eyes filled. Shit.

 _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._

"I've just had a really bad week."

"Couldn't any of us have helped?"

"I'm not going to inflict my bad mood on other people George. Look I'm going to shower, you can just see yourself out right?"

"No."

I paused in the process of adjusting my duvet as I'd stood and I glanced at him completely confused and not a little bit irritated. What did he mean, no?

"Go shower Non, I'll make you a drink, I'm not going anywhere."

I opened my mouth to argue but then took in the stubborn set of George's jaw. I mean I could argue my point but I really didn't want to be stood in front of him looking quite so disgusting any longer than I had to so I simply nodded stiffly before making my way upstairs.

I supposed the nap and hot chocolate I'd had had made me feel slightly better but I was honest to Merlin just feeling so irritable I bit my lip as I tried to think how to handle George. I didn't want to snap at him anymore than I already had. I rather childishly took longer in the shower than I usually did in the hope George would have gotten bored and left but I was disappointed to see he was still in the kitchen when I ventured back downstairs. Worse, he'd done the cleaning. I flushed in embarrassment.

"You didn't have to clean. I'm more than capable of looking after myself."

"I know you're capable Non. I was just helping, it's what friends do. And you know most people would respond with a thank you."

I bristled at his words, hating that he was in effect telling me off before I took a deep breath. I mean he _was_ right.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, c'mere."

George had walked a step closer and spread his arms to indicate a hug and I actually scoffed in annoyance.

"I don't want a hug George."

I tried to ignore a pang of guilt as his arms fell heavily to his side before he shrugged.

"Alright. Can you get me your planner? I have a gift for you."

I begrudgingly fished the planner out from my bag and after muttering his name I set it down on the table in front of us before I gazed on in horror as George began to tap at it with his wand and remove entries and I lunged for his arm to stop him.

"What the fuck George? Can't you just leave my stuff alone?"

"No."

He actually shrugged me off with a glare as he continued to tap at the words before he stalked out into the hallway and came back with a package.

"This is for you. And before you snap at me again I know you can look after yourself but sometimes Non you need to learn to accept help from people who would willingly give it."

I scowled heavily at his words and I ripped the paper from the package and then froze. It was a case of potions. My eyes traced over my planner. He'd basically just removed all of the entries for potion making that I'd put in there for the next month.

 _Oh._

I felt a hot, prickly feeling that felt a lot like shame. God he was only being nice.

"Oh." I rubbed at my face before I risked a glance at him. He didn't look angry, in fact he had that annoying carefully blank look on his face. "Thank you George but I can't accept it. Don't you need these for the shop?"

"We have plenty of stock Non so yes you can accept it."

"But-"

I was cut off quite rudely by George placing his hand over my mouth and I scowled.

"We could bicker over this for the next ten minutes but trust me, I'd win. Now can I please give you a hug?"

I opened my mouth to say no before I paused. I mean a hug wouldn't kill me and he _had_ been nice despite me being completely horrible. I nodded hesitantly and George didn't wait another second before he hugged me. Helga it was actually…nice.

Normally I couldn't wait for our hugs to be over but for the first time I actively hugged him back and squeezed him hard around the middle. I felt a smile, my first one in days, tug at the side of my mouth at the startled sound he made before he adjusted his arms, one around my shoulder and the other around my waist as he turned it into a bear hug.

He felt nice, he smelt nice and again for the first time in days I felt a tiny bit more together and I bit my lip guiltily as I took a step back. Maybe if I hadn't ignored him I could have felt like this a bit sooner.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you George. It's usually safer to stay away when I'm in a mood."

"I'm not afraid of a bit of snapping Non. Honestly I think we'd all have preferred your snapping than you ignoring us."

I gave him a disbelieving look but he just chuckled at me.

"Look c'mon, it's Ginny and Harry's engagement party at The Burrow tonight and I know everyone wants to see you. In fact mum has specifically said if she doesn't see you within the next twenty four hours she's going to go to the Ministry personally herself to see that you're okay."

"She can't do that, don't let her!"

George outright laughed at that.

"Just come to the party?"

God I really didn't want to. I'd not had nearly enough time hiding under the duvet and being perfectly honest I was still really not feeling myself.

"I dunno George I'm not in a good mood, I don't want to be a downer on people when it should be a celebration."

"That's not possible because I'll cheer you up. C'mon let's grab your bag and go. I can tell you all about how Fred was so hungover last week he threw up on a customer."

I let out a startled laugh.

"He bloody didn't?"

"Oh he did. There'd been no hydrating potion waiting for him in the morning." George wore a smug grin even as he reached out and tweaked the end of my hair. "You seriously did save me Non."

I blushed lightly even as I nervously shifted on my feet.

"I need to get changed George I can't go to a party like this."

I gestured to my jeans and long sleeved top. It was pretty much plain as can be but George looked at me in bafflement.

"But you look nice."

"But-"

"Do you like what you're wearing?"

"Yes but-"

"Then you don't need to change."

He grabbed my hand then and started to drag me from the house and I only just managed to snag hold of my bag. He completely ignored my protestations as he took me by side along apparition to The Burrow. Merlin I'd forgotten even in the course of a week just what a force of nature he was.

He hurried me up to the house and barged the door open as he bellowed our arrival. It turned out that we were in fact quite early and Mrs Weasley and Fleur were in the process of still preparing the food in the kitchen. Fleur was looking stunning in a light blue dress and I ducked my head. God I must look awful in comparison.

"Bonjour Non, it is lovely to see you."

"Hi Fleur, how are you? I-oh!"

I gasped in surprise as Mrs Weasley enveloped me in a hug before she steered me into a seat.

"Oh Non it's been far too long since we've seen you and I'm sure you've lost weight. Here have something quick to eat, dinner won't be ready for a couple of hours. No, no I won't have you help George says you've been working non-stop. You have a break dear."

I struggled to shut my jaw as I cast an alarmed look at George but he just shrugged happily as he sat himself opposite me. Fleur cast me a sympathetic smile and I took a few moments to gather myself. Maybe it's because I was so tired but I didn't feel as nervous about being here this time which was good.

"Now Non, you must let me know when you're next free on a Sunday so we can have you over for a spot of lunch with George."

She'd placed a giant sandwich in front of me. It on its own would probably be more than I'd eaten in the last few days.

"Oh my work rota is pretty full on I'm not sure-"

"Why don't you check your planner Non?"

I paused at George's words.

"Oh you have a planner? That's a wonderful idea Non, yes let's see that."

I'd half removed the planner from my bag at Mrs Weasley's request before I paused again. I couldn't open my planner here I'd have to say 'George Weasley' to it for Merlin's sake. I snuck a glare at George and sure enough he was fighting a stupid grin. I took my time then to bring out my planner even as I slipped my wand in to my hand and under the table pointed it the sink and cast a wordless charm that saw water shoot out from the faucet and start spraying all around the kitchen.

I smoothed the planner out on to the table and plastered a reproachful look on my face.

"George, what on earth did you do that for?"

It took all my will power not to change expression or giggle out loud at the outraged look on his face. Mrs Weasley however didn't even pause in her reaction.

"GEORGE WEASELY!You turn that tap of this instance do you hear me? It's not enough that you aren't even helping Fleur and I prepare but you have to play another stupid prank. If I had a galleon for every time you and Fred have done something like this your father would never have to work again."

As George rushed to fix the tap I could see Mrs Weasley prepare herself for another tirade.

"Mrs W- I mean Molly, here's my planner."

It was amazing how quickly she could switch from angry to nice.

"Oh you are a dear Non. Oh look now a week Sunday, that's just perfect. Yes I'll go and put that in my calendar…"

As she bustled out of the room Fleur started to chuckle and I let a grin spread across my face as I glanced triumphantly at George who'd sat himself back opposite me and I inhaled sharply at the look on his face even as my insides swooped. On shit.

George wasn't angry. Oh no, in fact he seemed a little pleased. No, it was the smile that was slowly spreading across his face that worried me. It was weirdly more of a look I was used to seeing on Fred, primarily when he was plotting against Hermione.

"Well played Non."

My grin nearly fell off my face as I giggled nervously. Do you ever get that feeling sometimes, like you've bitten off more than you can chew? Or what was that muggle expression, like when you've caught a tiger by the tail and then didn't know what to do with it? That was exactly how I was feeling.

I grabbed my sandwich and took a bite as Mrs Weasley came back into the room and set about giving George tasks to do. As I ate I tried to ignore the calculated looks he was shooting at me, and the grin that spread across his face every time I caught his gaze. God but it was hot in here with all of the cooking, and I fanned myself with my hand as Fleur started to laugh again.

"Ah Non you are so funny."

I shot her a puzzled look. I mean, I hadn't even done anything. I did however decide to spend the rest of my time around George under high alert. I mean I already knew not to accept food from either of the twins but you could never be sure what else they were plotting.

Once the food was done we started to set up outside, a job that was made much easier when Bill and Mr Weasley arrived although little Victoire could cause a surprising amount of carnage when she set her mind to it. I made sure to keep away from George even if that meant me spending a lot of time near Mrs Weasley but as she nattered on at me I did in a weird way start to feel better.

I wasn't having to talk a lot and I wasn't feeling like snapping at anyone. The Weasleys were just so down to earth and with so little pretence it was hard not to feel at ease. We'd just managed to get everything ready when everyone else started to arrive.

Ron and Luna hovered to one side in what looked like a surprising serious conversation and Fred made a beeline for his twin where he listened for a moment before roaring with laughter and spinning around to grin at me.

"Non! Come here!"

I cast a nervous glance around hoping that Hermione would turn up to save me but as the seconds passed and she didn't appear I reluctantly made my way over to them.

"You've been holding out on us Non."

"Er, I really haven't Fred."

He chucked an arm over my shoulder with a laugh.

"Course you have. Never had you pinned as a sneaky one. What's your course of action George?"

I shot George an alarmed look. Oh God, what had I done? George took his time to ponder the question as he reached out to pull me away from Fred before placing his own arm around my shoulder. Ordinarily I'd have frowned at him but I was too concerned about his response and I felt my anxiety churn as he smiled slowly.

"Oh, she'll find out."

"I will?"

He nodded.

"But – but not tonight, right?"

I'd never felt so relieved to see his lopsided smile as he gave me a squeeze.

"Not tonight."

I near sagged in relief and even managed a giggle at Fred's crestfallen look.

"I can't believe it, disappointed in my own twin," he shook his head mournfully before levelling me with a serious look. "You need any tips of how to deal with him you come to me. I know _all_ his secrets."

"Oi!"

"Fair's fair dear Georgie, I know you helped Hermione on the weekend."

I glanced back and forth between the two as they continued to bicker and I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. Merlin I'd actually missed them.

"Oh Non, there you are!"

I spun around slightly startled by Hermione's voice but she was prevented from hugging me by George's arm and she stared at him in annoyance.

"Are you alright? I've not seen you for days."

"Yeah all good, just really busy, sorry I missed you last Thursday," I shifted guiltily, "Did you have a nice birthday?"

"Oh yes it was lovely thank you. And thank _you_ for my gift."

She reached out and squeezed my hand and I managed a smile.

"Any time."

"Oh hey I wanted to ask you, what happened to the radio?"

My shoulders stiffened before I could stop them. Oh shit, that.

"Radio, what radio?"

Double shit, she'd captured George's attention.

"Non's radio, I got home on Tuesday and it was all smashed up."

That was because it was either _reducto_ the radio or take my anger out on the piano and I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I'd broken the latter.

"Oh ha," I gave a nervous chuckle, "I dropped it. I didn't have time to clean it sorry."

Hermione didn't look like the believed me at all.

"Right…"

"Oh look our dearest baby sister and her needing to be threatened husband to be, come along let's go say hello."

Fred grabbed Hermione's hand and hurried her over while George and I walked more slowly behind.

"Um, 'needing to be threatened'?" I cast a questioning glance up at George.

"Of course, it's a big brother's sworn duty. Course Ron won't do it, Charlie's not here, Bill's far too above such things, and Percy's lectures go on too long to be effective. Fred and I however are perfectly suited to the task."

As the twins exchanged wicked grins I actually felt sorry for Harry. Then again, he'd faced down You Know Who so I'm sure that he was more than a match for them.

Ginny grabbed a hold of me then and for the next hour or so my life was lost to her. If I thought the twins were a bundle of energy sometimes I forgot that Ginny could be just as bad. I felt absurdly guilty that if it hadn't been for George I wouldn't even have attended her engagement party. She was so happy though it was infectious and it was at times like this I remembered just how much I liked her. I could never understand why my brain found it so easy to forget but then again it did seem to like to play tricks on me.

"And of course Non, you'll be one of my bridesmaid's right?"

I choked so badly on my glass of wine it snorted out of my nose. Ginny nearly fell of her chair laughing even as I tried to stop my own as I desperately mopped at my face. God I hoped no one else had seen that.

"You want _me_ to be a bridesmaid?" I was a bit stunned. "But Ginny I'll be rubbish at it I-ouch!"

I rubbed at my mouth in shock.

"Oh Merlin sorry Non I only meant to cover your mouth I misjudged the force."

Ginny looked so appalled at herself I giggled.

"Look one rule of being my bridesmaid, which you are going to be you know I won't take no for an answer, and that is you are not allowed to talk yourself down."

I gaped at her in outrage.

"But Ginny-"

"I know, I know it's your go to move to deflect any positive attention or comments I get it but in my presence, no negative talk about yourself do you hear me?"

I gaped at her. There was so much wrong with her sentence I didn't know where to start. I didn't use it as a bloody deflection.

"Please Non, you're one of my closest friends. Also, from a purely selfish point of view I need you to save me from Fleur and my mum. They're nightmares about wedding planning. Please say yes. Please?"

God damn it she'd turned the puppy dog eyes on me. No wonder Harry could never refuse her.

"I'm just amazed you'd ask me. Course I'll be a bridesmaid if you want me to silly. I'd be honoured."

She launched herself at me then which took me completely by surprise. Ginny wasn't exactly much of a hugger either but she seemed so damned happy to be engaged, like her marrying Harry was now somehow real, that she couldn't contain herself.

The evening was a good one, and it turned even better when Ginny and Harry said that there were two other announcements. Bill quite very calmly stood to say that he and Fleur were expecting their second child. The real surprise however came from when Percy stood. We all by this point guessed what his and Audrey's news would be but he was so overcome either with nerves, pride or happiness I couldn't tell that he couldn't get the words out and when Audrey serenely stood and announced she "up the duff" the celebrations went crazy.

I'd never seen the other Weasley siblings mob Percy with hugs like this before and I took the time that they were all distracted to sidle up to Audrey and Fleur to offer my congratulations. Mr Weasley was stood beaming with one arm around Mrs Weasley as she sobbed with happiness into his shoulder. I mean I know I'd thought it before but they really were such a nice family.

I barely had chance to congratulate Bill before Percy had crushed me into a hug.

"I'm going to be a dad Non, a dad!"

"Yeah you are Perc, congratulations."

I realised I was beaming back at him and I wondered at what part of the evening my smiles had changed from forced to completely natural. I managed to disentangle myself from Percy so I could find George who was busy whispering something to Audrey as she doubled over laughing but as he caught my eye he hurried over.

"Thank you."

I blurted the words before he could even say anything and he frowned at me in confusion.

"What on earth for?"

I glanced around nervously hoping no one would hear me.

"For making me come. It's such a good evening, I'm glad I haven't missed it."

As a beam spread across his face I knew what was coming next and sure enough I was soon caught up in a hug.

"Oof George, not so tight, honestly I swear you Weasleys are addicted to hugs."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

George pulled back slightly and laughed down at me before he led me back over to the table. It was clearly going to be one of those nights where everyone stayed up talking and I shifted a bit nervously. I was really tired but I didn't want to break up the party early.

"Non dear, could you come and help?"

I glanced up slightly startled to see Mrs Weasley beckoning at me from the back door and I hurried over.

"Hi Molly, what do you need help with?"

"Oh nothing dear I just thought you could do with a rest. You looked so peaky when you go here and Harry's said you've had a dreadful cold all week. Why don't you have a quick nap? We'll all still be here in another half hour or so."

I nearly gaped at her.

"How did…?"

"Non, I have seven children, I know the signs. Here I'll show you where to rest."

I had no choice but to follow Mrs Weasley up the stairs. I'd assumed she was showing me to Ginny's room but she carried on to the floor above and I felt nerves shoot through me at the letters F and G on the door.

"Oh er, Molly, I don't think I should-"

"Here you are dear, have a nice snooze on George's bed, I'll come and wake you in about forty minutes."

She honest to Merlin all but shoved me in the room before shutting the door behind me and I stood there frozen in place. I mean what if the place was booby trapped? And by that I meant what if there were random joke products dotted about? And just how was I supposed to tell which bed was George's?

The evening light filtering through the windows helped as I glanced around and it soon became apparent which bed belonged to which twin. Fred's still had a giant peeling F on the wall above it whereas George's G had been replaced over the years with parchment pieces covered in his writing, quidditch posters and a large number of burn marks. Fred's was less crowded but even he had notes and quidditch displayed everywhere.

I hesitantly made my way to George's bed and sat down experimentally. So far so good, nothing had jumped out at me, or exploded or caught fire. All good. I felt a bit weird though about sleeping in his bed so I made sure to stay on top of the covers. I nearly moaned however when my head hit the pillow. By Helga it was so comfy and it smelt _amazing_. It smelt just like George had that day at the quidditch match. I had to make sure to ask Mrs Weasley what she used to do the laundry.

I was a bit apprehensive about sleeping as I didn't want to have a nightmare while I was here so I made sure to try and keep myself to a snooze as that way I could wake up if I felt a nightmare coming on.

Despite my intentions I must have drifted off and I only started to come to when I heard the creak of the door. My mind was hazy and I wondered just why Mrs Weasley wasn't saying anything. I mean she said she'd come and wake me, right? I heard a heavy tread step closer. That was _not_ a Mrs Weasley foot step and I felt a surge of alarm and as a heavy hand clasped my shoulder I bolted up right and felt a shooting pain in my head as it collided with the figure and I scrambled for my wand.

" _Lumos_ "

I muttered it quickly then let out a cry of alarm as I saw George sprawled on the floor by the bed his hands clutching at his nose where there was an alarming amount of blood dripping on to his t-shirt.

"Oh shit! George I'm sorry, you startled me. Shit."

I scrambled from the bed and over to him as I tried to help him sit up. God he was bleeding so much. I yanked my arm from one of the sleeves of my top and tried to hold it to his nose as he visibly winced.

"Oh George I'm really sorry."

To my amazement he started to laugh.

"S'ok. I should have made more noise when I came in. Is your head okay?"

It was throbbing like crazy but I just shook my head at him

"Its fine, I'm more worried about you. Shit George, I think I've broken your nose."

George chuckled thickly.

"I noticed."

"Well I can fix the break but I'm not so great at stopping bleeding."

"Thas ok, mum knows the right spell. Help me up?"

It was rather awkward trying to help him stand while also trying to keep a garment pressed against his nose to stop the flow but I managed it and I quickly helped him downstairs. Mrs Weasley let out a slight shriek before she hurried forward but it took only two quick spells from her and she had both the bleeding stopped and George's nose fixed.

"I mean it will bruise dear but no damage done, still handsome as ever."

She'd finished wiping his face clean and smoothed his hair back from his head in a blatantly motherly gesture and I was amazed to see George blush.

"Oh but look you've got blood all over your clothes. You too Non, here pass them here and I'll give them a wash before a stain sets in."

I froze for a moment. I mean yes I had a vest top on underneath the long sleeved one I was wearing but it was a lot lower cut than my tops normally were but as Mrs Weasley gazed at me expectantly I reluctantly handed my first top over and had to fight against crossing my arms over myself. I mean I knew I was being absurd, and it's not like my boobs were even that big it's just that normally what with auror robes or my t-shirts they just never normally were on display at all.

"C'mon Non let's go back outside."

George snagged an arm around my shoulder and I flushed to realise he'd had nothing on under his t-shirt.

"Er George, it's nearly October, won't you get cold?"

"Don't be daft Non, haven't you heard of this marvellous thing that can keep you warm?"

His eyes were a bit bright and I eyed up the numerous empty bottles stacked on one of the tables.

"What, alcohol?"

George chuckled before leaning in to whisper in my ear.

"Magic Non, _magic._ "

Instantly I felt a warmth settle over me from his arm. Of course, a bloody heating charm. I rolled my eyes at his cheeky grin and he took that moment to yank my on to his lap as he sat at the table. God, he really was a bit drunk.

"George don't be stupid I can sit at my own seat."

He completely ignored me as he decided to address the table.

"Non head butted me and broke my nose"

Startled laughter soon turned into borderline hysterics from Fred as he took in George's still red nose and his state of undress and soon the others joined in and I started to try and protest my innocence.

"It's your fault George you were," fuck what was the word? " _Looming_ over me."

"Oi I wasn't looming, all I was going to do was shake you awake."

We continued to bicker even as a bottle of beer found its way into my possession. It must have been creeping towards midnight and even with the warming charm George had placed on us I felt myself shiver.

"You know if you let me put my arm around you, you wouldn't be cold."

"If you let me up from sitting on you George so I could go get a jumper I wouldn't be cold either."

I'd made repeated attempts to escape all of which had been foiled, mainly from George shooting me a pathetic look and saying how much I'd hurt his nose. Guilt tripping was horrible.

"I don't understand how you aren't cold at all either charm or no George. You should at least be wearing some sort of clothing."

George casually reached up to scratch at his nose and pretended to wince and I rolled my eyes.

"George you know you're a-a"

"A what?"

I frowned furiously.

"You're a word I currently can't think of, but I will."

A chuckle that was not George's reached me and I flushed slightly to see that Bill was watching us, but he gave me a kind smile.

"How's your ward research going Non, did the books I sent over help?"

"Yes and no. I've got even more questions now I think. Thank you so much for letting me borrow them. You know I never thought I'd say it but I really miss the Hogwarts library."

"What, doesn't the Auror department have one?"

I glanced over my shoulder at George's question and shook my head at him.

"It apparently used to but it got practically destroyed under You Know Who's regime."

"Why don't you just go to The Magner Liber?"

I blinked stupidly at Hermione's voice.

"The what?"

She scoffed before laughing.

"Oh don't be silly you have to know about it Non. It's the main public magical library, its right near Greenwich. Surely you've been?"

You know it didn't happen often but sometimes I didn't like Hermione. She was so all knowing she often made assumptions that people knew everything she did she could be really dismissive if not downright patronising when she found out they didn't. I felt a lot of eyes on me and I shifted awkwardly in my seat, or well on George really.

"I've never even heard of it."

This was one of those moments that I hated because I knew it was one of those things that had my father still been alive he'd have told me about. I hated being ignorant because of my circumstances.

I could see Hermione was about to laugh at me again when her mug of butterbeer exploded and splattered across her face. Oh god had I done that by accident? I really didn't think that I had. Loud laughter from Fred however soon revealed the culprit although he sprang back in alarm from the table when Hermione brandished her wand.

"That's it Fred Weasley. I've had absolutely enough of your stupid, ridiculous and quite frankly shitty jokes."

" _Shitty_? Steady on now Granger that's a bit much."

He was still retreating down the garden, hands half raised in surrender and I shared a slightly startled glance with George after they'd disappeared from view.

"My money's on Hermione."

"Damn I was going to say that but I suppose I'm duty bound to back my twin."

I giggled at his words and was pleased to see everyone else had turned back to their own conversations and that the awkward moment had passed.

"I can take you there, if you like? To The Magna Liber?"

"Oh you don't, you don't have to do that George."

"I'd like to."

I had to fight against twisting my fingers nervously even as I wanted to wrap an arm around my midriff as a way of guarding myself against nerves.

"Well, okay, but I-I don't know when I'll have time to go."

"Monday afternoon. We cleared your planner earlier remember."

I bit my lip. That was fairly soon. I didn't know after how I'd been sleeping if I could calm myself down enough to go.

"It's a giant library Non. It's very quiet, there are very few people there, and it's full of books."

I shivered and I wasn't sure if it was from the cold or George's words near my ear. I mean really it sounded like a wonderful place. I was just still trying to work through the mild embarrassment that I hadn't known about it.

"Don't you have to work that afternoon?"

"It is one of the very many perks of being your own boss Non, that I get to decide just when and when not to work."

"Oh," I felt a hesitant smile grown on my face, "Well okay then I'd like that."

George smiled back at me before giving me a one armed squeeze which I rather embarrassingly answered with a yawn and he chuckled.

"C'mon Non, let's get our clothes from mum and I'll take you home"

"Oh you don't have to- "

I stopped talking abruptly at the look George shot me. You know I still didn't know him well but I was starting to learn when it would be pointless to argue.

I said a quiet goodbye to everyone that remained before I hurried back into the house after George and quickly shrugged into my long sleeved top where I frowned. It didn't smell like George's pillow at all.

"What's that face for?"

"Oh" I stuttered slightly, "I thought it would smell nice like your pillow."

"My pillow smelt nice?"

Have you ever had one of those blushes, that's not an instant one but is slow growing when the full realisation of what you've said hits you? Well one of those was happening to me as I hastily made my way to the front door and decided to pointedly ignore George's question as I felt my face finally settle into what had to be a shade of crimson.

"I can aparate myself home you know."

It had come out snappier than I'd intended but George just chuckled before he latched a hand on to my arm.

"Oh I know, I'm just returning the favour."

When we reappeared into the Welsh countryside it was to discover it was pouring with rain and even as we both conjured charms to protect ourselves it was hardly enough to keep us dry for the short run up to the front porch.

"Did you have a good night then Non?"

George's eyes crinkled when he smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

"I did, I really did. Thank you again George, and I really am sorry about your nose."

"It was my own fault Non"

He took a step closer and I began to prepare myself for a hug.

"You know Non I-"

"Exhibitionist!"

I blurted the word, I think startling myself more than George and I giggled to myself as his eyebrows near shot into his hairline.

"Say what?"

"The word that you are that I couldn't remember before. That's what you are. An exhibitionist."

I nodded my head firmly even as George's jaw gaped somewhat before he chuckled and shook his head slightly ruefully.

"Well I suppose that's fair."

I hummed my agreement and managed not to tense at all as he hugged me.

"Thank you George."

I felt him sigh.

"You don't have to-"

" _Thank you._ "

I gave him a squeeze for emphasis. I don't think he quite realised how much he'd helped. Hell I don't think I realised that it was possible for anyone to help me as much as he had today.

"You're welcome."

It was only a quiet murmur and I nearly missed it as George pulled away and I turned to open my door.

"G'night George."

"Night Non."

He rubbed the back of his neck briefly before he turned, wand raised to protect him from the weather and disappeared into the night. I stayed at my open door for a moment, just listening to the rain before I shook myself.

I needed to get to bed, then get up early and get started on my planner again. I felt a smile spread across my face as I caught sight of the box of options again. At least this time things would be a bit easier.

 **A/N:**

 **Hello to all my new followers, it's great to have you on board.**

 **If any of you have taken the time to review – THANK YOU. Sorry if I haven't responded by private message this time, I've been a bit pressed for time and I have extremely limited internet access at the moment.**

 **I hope you like this chapter. It was a struggle to start with but then soon turned in to a monster chapter. There should hopefully be more about the investigations Non's working on in the next chapter but I have to admit George is an exceptionally demanding character, he doesn't like to be left out!**

 **I'd love to read your comments so please let me know what you think.**

 **Diolch,**

 **Yav**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 19

I narrowed my eyes at the middle aged swiftly going to seed lazy arse from maintenance who I now knew was called Trevor.

"I seem to recall that I'd requested some information to be delivered last Friday and yet somehow it's not appeared. Now why can that be?"

"Well you see lo- I mean Auror Clewel-"

I did glare then as he started to mispronounce my name and he stopped himself mid word.

"I mean miss, it was an awful lot of information you needed. I need a few more days."

I mean really, he'd had over a week but I supposed the fact that it was taking this long meant there were far more maintenance reports than even I'd imagined there to be for Azkaban, and I nodded my head stiffly in response.

"Fine, you've got until Wednesday. I would simply hate to report you."

I got a queasy smile in return before I smiled sweetly and spun on my heel. I mean yes it was annoying that the information was delayed but I was so busy with the reports I'd received from the French Ministry that really, I supposed it was a blessing.

The French Ministry had been amazingly efficient. I mean they were brilliant, they put our own Ministry to shame. I'd struck up a good rapport with one of the auror's over there who was just as keen to figure out why certain goods kept falling into the hands of CMG and his gang.

Because you see what the French authorities had been able to advise me was that it was only specific cargo targeted. We'd known a bit of that ourselves from the raid a month or so back but there were specific items and ingredients in each set of goods that were going missing from the French side and appearing on the British side as smuggled goods.

Now that I had that list to go on I could review what businesses were likely to be buying up the stock. Because despite the announcement the auror department had issued that there were illegal goods being distributed not one business had come forward as yet to say that they'd been approached to buy any. Which suggested that either all of the businesses where in cahoots with CMG which was obviously highly unlikely, or CMG had worked out to make a legitimate front for himself so that once the goods were sold on they became legal. It was a bit, I supposed, like money laundering that happened a lot in the muggle world. It made sense that we would have our own equivalent.

But just what would CMG, or his cover business, need with the funds? I glanced down at the list of items again. I mean they were rare and hard to get a regular supply of, businesses would be paying a small fortune for just a small amount.

What I had discovered when reviewing the businesses registered via the Ministry was just how _few_ of them there really were. I hadn't thought the magical world was quite that small but despite there being quite a few individual shops it appeared that a lot of them had the same overall owner. There were really only three or four independent traders still purchasing these goods themselves otherwise the rest went via the main business owners.

I'd already been to interview the Malfoy and Boot businesses on the Friday afternoon which had been a huge stress in and of itself. At least I was doing this case by myself so I didn't have to worry about making a fool of myself in front of a colleague, but it was difficult going to an established place with really only vague queries. I think both places had thought I was a fool as I'd left but I'd at least got the answers I'd wanted. Neither of them had bought any items on the list recently, the Malfoy enterprise was especially grumpy about that fact but they still had operating constraints on them following the war. I mean they could both have been lying but I didn't get the sense that they were, and really there was no motive for them to be untruthful.

I glanced at my list again and frowned. I had three places left to interview- the Parkinson's, the Greengrass' and Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. I nearly groaned aloud as I re-read the last name again. I mean it shouldn't have surprised me that George and Fred used such rare ingredients given the nature of some of their products but the fact I was going to have to interview them made me squirm. Ron was always going on about how they didn't take him seriously with his job and I mean if they were like that to their own brother how on earth would they take to me asking them some questions?

I tapped nervously at George's notepad before I hesitantly began to write.

 **[** _ **Hi George**_ **]**

 **[** _ **Um, can I ask you a question?]**_

I set about writing up my reports from my previous business visits while I waited for him to reply. Typically George never took very long to respond at all and sure enough not five minutes later new words appeared.

 **[Non Non, of course. Although if it's to ask to cancel our plans for later, then no.]**

 **[** _ **I wouldn't cansle those. I need to interview you and Fred, for work. Is that okay?]**_

 **[** _ **I'll send a formal notification of corse I just didn't want to alarm you.]**_

I sat back and chewed on my thumb nervously. I mean this was just awkward. Really I suppose I shouldn't even be forewarning them but how could I not have?

 **[An interview? Are we in trouble?]**

 **[Are you going to arrest me?]**

 **[Because you know, I wouldn't object to that.]**

I rolled my eyes. _Honestly_.

 **[** _ **Is this your way of telling me you've broken the law George?**_ **]**

 **[I can neither confirm nor deny. You'll need to send your requests via my legal representative Wred Feasley.]**

 **[** _ **Noted. I'll see you later George.]**_

 **[Oi hold on, you haven't said if you liked my gift yet.]**

I snorted so loudly at that a couple of the other aurors in the room looked over at me in confusion and I ducked my head down.

 **[** _ **Well it was certainly interesting.**_ **]**

 **[Interesting? That it? I made you a music box that plays four different songs!]**

 **[** _ **It burps songs at me George. Burps. I stand by interesting.]**_

It had also been delivered in a box that exploded with confetti that despite numerous _scourgify_ spells I still hadn't managed to entirely clear from my kitchen. I mean I should have known the burps were coming really. The box itself was beautiful, made of clearly old wood and intricate carvings. I'd laughed myself silly after I'd opened it and heard the 'songs'.

I glanced at my watch and cursed quietly, I was going to be late to see the Parkinson's. I made a final stop at the toilets so I could check myself over in the mirror. I'd made a bit more effort on making sure my hair looked neat and put on minimal makeup. I was also dressed marginally more smartly although my auror robes would cover most of it. I'd at least had to forgo my usual daps for some small heeled boots. The Parkinson's were rich and pure blood and unfortunately were still obsessed with status and image.

As I walked up the sweeping stone steps to the front door of their manse I took my time to slow my breathing and to prepare myself. I didn't have all that many questions really, they were more feelers than anything else so hopefully this wouldn't take me too long at all. It was a bit grotesque really the size of the place. So many of the rooms must just stand empty I mean, what was the point of it? I much preferred my tiny cottage.

I was greeted in the entrance hall by a house elf who gestured I wait there for a moment. That moment turned into a half hour and I had to supress and eye roll. All of these old magical families were the same. Anything to intimidate I supposed. When I was finally allowed in to see Mr Parkinson he was sat behind a very large desk that was covered in neat pile of paperwork. He didn't get up to greet me instead simply gestured that I sit in the small chair by the desk.

There was an awkward silence before I managed to clear my throat and start my standard auror spiel. I was thankful at least I didn't have to make pained small talk, I tended to prefer situations like this one where I could just get straight to business.

"If you could just read through this list please Mr Parkinson and let us know whether any of the items have been obtained by your firm recently, I would really appreciate it."

Mr Parkinson took a long moment to review the parchment before he levelled me with a serious look.

"They are familiar. I will double check with my daughter Pansy as she's taking over that side of the business. I trust there is nothing untoward here?"

"As I'm sure you're aware from the Ministry announcement to businesses there have been an influx of smuggled goods on the market. These items are of particular interest. If I could ask that if your firm has any records of obtaining any in the last four months or you ever get approached to purchase any that you let me know? You have my details."

"Of course. That it?"

He's begun to look bored now and I wondered if he would actually check anything with Pansy but there was little I could do about it now. I'd probably have to leave it a week and then pen a letter if I hadn't heard anything further.

"Yes that's it sir, thank you."

I was dismissed with a silent nod of his head and I quietly left the room and I let out a huge sigh as I finally stepped back outside. God that had been horrible. I was no good at meeting new people and I clenched my hands into fists to stop my fingers tingling.

 _Breathe Non, for fucks sake breathe. You did it._

I was stopped in my tracks as I was heading down the driveway by a shout and I turned my head in confusion until I clocked the figure of a man hurrying over to me.

"Hey wait, I saw you from the front room window. Don't I know you? You're a Puffer, right?"

I scanned his earnest face taking in his floppy hair and blue eyes when I realised that I _did_ recognise him. He'd been in Hufflepuff but about four years older than me.

"Yes, you're Rupert right? I'm Non."

"Yes that's me, sorry I couldn't remember your name. Goodness it's nice to see a Puffer face around here."

I gave him a polite smile but he must have seen I was confused.

"Oh of course perhaps you don't know. I've been paired with Pansy. Not that's she's too happy, I mean I'm muggleborn so I don't think her family like me all that much. They're frightfully stuffy, don't you think?"

"I can't say I know them that well Rupert, I was just following up some questions for work."

I tapped the badge on my robes and his eyes widened.

"An auror. Wow, what's it about? Or are you not allowed to say?"

Merlin he was like a puppy that had been starved for attention.

"Just routine questions about business supplies. Mr Parkinson mentioned that Pansy had taken over that part of the business so I expect I'll be hearing from her."

"Oh yes, Pansy's been really busy what with taking over that part and setting up her own business. Something about beauty products I think although she kept mentioning the beach. I've got to say she doesn't really tell me much."

I kept a neutral smile on my face even as I continued to make pleasantries with him. Now why would Pansy keep going on about a beach? I mean I knew it was a leap but the beach meant the sea front and the sea front I now always linked to inside out fish. Huh.

"Well it was nice talking to you Rupert but I don't want to be late for my next appointment. I hope it all works out with Pansy."

"Right you are Non I won't keep you. I can't say how nice it is to see a friendly face."

I nodded by goodbye before I hurried down the drive and as soon as I was out of sight I apparated to the Greengrass'.

Now this house while just as big seemed far more welcoming. I was still greeted by a house elf but this time I was ushered straight in to see Mr Greengrass.

"Right then young miss what's this about illegal goods? I'll not have my business associated with any such thing. Here have a seat."

I blinked rapidly as I processed his greeting before I thankfully sat. What a bloody contrast to Mr Parkinson.

"We've been liaising with the French Ministry sir. These items," I passed him the parchment, "are being illegally obtained from the French side and then smuggled over here. We just need to know whether you have been approached by anyone – an individual or a company – to purchase these goods sir."

"Well we definitely use these items but I can't say our head company deals with procurement of goods any more. We switched it all over back in May. We've got a wholesaler that does it now, supposedly it means we can get the goods for cheaper if we all pool our purchases through one place although I've yet to see evidence of it. My daughter Daphne set it up, I'll have her send you what information we have."

I had to stifle a frown. My just how convenient that neither business owner had the information I needed, although Mr Greengrass' face was at least far more open that Parinkson's had been. Perhaps he was being honest.

"I'm trying to get both my daughter's involved in the business you see, be nice for me to take a back seat Merlin knows the wife has pestered me enough. Can I get Astoria to focus though?" he shook his head in annoyance. "You know Astoria don't you? You seem about the same age."

If I was being honest I was flummoxed by how talkative he was and it took me a couple of goes to get my words out.

"Oh yes I know Astoria we were in the same year at school, she was always one of the brightest witches in the class."

He seemed pleased by my reply but his eyes were still sharp.

"And what house were you in?"

"I was a Hufflepuff sir."

" _Was_? Most people still stick to their houses even after they leave."

"I suppose they do."

He chuckled at that before standing up and ushering me to the door.

"Thank you for taking the time to meet me sir, if you do have any information I'd be grateful to see it. You have my details?"

"Yes, yes of course."

The door closed quite heavily behind me and I frowned slightly before shrugging. Right, I had one last interview to go and Helga knew I didn't want to do it. I paused in the entrance hall and glanced quickly to my right to see Astoria Greengrass peering out at me from behind a door. She had the decency to look a bit chagrined that I'd caught her.

"Should have known you'd notice."

She ambled out to see me, dressed immaculately and without a hair out of place.

"And how was my dear Daddy? Helpful?"

"As much as I expected."

Her lips smirked at that.

"You know Non you're surprisingly good at not actually answering questions."

I smiled in reply and she rolled her eyes.

"Oh fine, don't bite. So I hear you're being whisked away to a library later?"

I almost questioned how she knew that before I recalled she was paired with Lee Jordan who of course must have gotten the information from George.

"I suppose. Let me guess, Lee's appalled at how boring that is?"

His comments that I'd overheard from the restaurant still stung as much as I tried to ignore them.

"Jordan has no understanding of playing to a person's strengths. I'd say you're lucky Weasley seems to have a bit more about him."

I was completely baffled by her words but didn't want to show it.

"Well I better go Astoria, I've got one more interview to go."

I couldn't even stop the sulky expression I could feel settle on my face.

"Oho go on, who is it?"

"Weasley's Wizard Wheezes."

She giggled delightedly at my reply.

"Well I don't envy you that Non. You know there's a reason they say don't mix business with pleasure."

"Well you've been wildly reassuring there Astoria thank you."

She waved me off with another laugh and I kept my smile fixed on my face until I was well clear of the building. This was the thing about Astoria she lulled you in to talking but it nearly always came back to bite you in the arse, that's how she'd been at school. I wondered if she'd actually changed at all.

Shaking my head slightly to myself I mustered up my courage and apparated to Diagon Alley. As I was in my auror clothes most people gave me a fairly wide berth for which I was thankful. The streets were still busier than I liked but there didn't seem to be anything untoward going on as I surveyed the shop fronts as I strode down the street towards the glaring front of the twins' shop.

When I entered it was a lot quieter than normal although there were still a fair few customers milling about the place and I weaved through them to make a beeline for Verity who was working behind the till.

"Hello, I'm Auror Llewellyn, I've an appointment to see Messrs Weasley."

"Right you are hold on."

She departed briefly to open the door to the store room.

"Non's here Mr Weasley, Mr Weasley."

She paused for a moment before she came back towards me.

"They say you can go right on through."

"Right okay, thanks Verity."

I tried to push down my embarrassment that I'd bothered to introduce myself as an auror at all when she clearly knew who I was and I quickly hurried through to the store room only to be faced with the two headless figures of the Weasley twins.

I paused for just a second before my brain caught up and guessed that they were both wearing those invisibility hats they'd designed. I narrowed my eyes slightly. This would make it a _lot_ harder for me to tell which was which.

"Hello." They chimed their greeting together. "Follow us will you? The office is this way."

Right okay you know, they had to rehearse stuff like this. I did as they asked though and followed a short distance behind as they led me to the right side of the storage room before one of them took out their wand to tap on the wall and a door appeared. The other twin's arm twitched towards me before they both extravagantly bowed me through the door.

 _Right well that one's George_.

Unless of course it was Fred pretending to be George. I bit my lip and kept studying them. As the other twin walked over to the desk I noted an ink stain on the underside of his shoe.

 _And that one should be Fred_.

Unless of course they'd switched shoes. I mean I didn't know how much they prepared when they wanted to pretend to be each other or trick people.

Both slightly creepy headless figures were stood by their desk seemingly waiting for me to begin. I wasn't really sure how to handle this situation at all and I had resorted to wiggling my toes in my shoes to try and work out my nerves knowing it wouldn't be a good look to start obviously fidgeting with my hands. Perhaps treating them as I'd treated everyone else I'd interviewed was the best option. I took in a breath and began.

"Thank you for agreeing to see me at such short notice. I don't expect to take up much of your time, we're just interested in these items and whether or not you've been approached to buy any recently."

I handed over the parchment and they both took their time to view it. Or at least that's what I guessed what they were doing.

"We have been."

The possibly George answered me and I stood slightly straighter to attention.

"Okay, that's good. Do you recall how often and when was the last time you had contact?"

"I reckon we deserve a bit more information first. Why do you need to know? As far as we can see we've been legitimately buying goods for our products. Why the questions?"

My head swung to the possibly Fred.

"They're just preliminary enquiries with regards to possibly smuggled goods Mr Weasley. We're ascertaining whether these items fall into that category."

"Are you implying that we deal with criminals?"

I took in a shallow breath. Blimey of all the people to prove to be difficult about all this I hadn't thought it would be a Weasley.

"I'm trying to ascertain whether or not you've unknowingly purchased contraband Mr Weasley."

"What, do you think we're that stupid?"

 _Currently, yes._

"If you could please answer my questions Mr Weasley."

I directed that to the possibly George.

"We've only purchased some items on this list just the once, it was an order about two months ago."

"And no more since? Why not?"

"Because they were bloody overpriced and of poor quality. We've been dealing direct with the French supplier instead."

"Direct? There aren't any wholesalers who could supply you?"

After Mr Greengrass' comments I wanted to at least see if the twins had heard about this new set up. I was answered with an initial snort from the possibly Fred.

"Oh we've been approached by one. Their membership fees are extortionate. I mean it's a hassle dealing direct instead of the normal market place but at least we can rely on the quality."

I nodded my head slowly while I thought.

"You don't happen to have an invoice from the person you got the order from, do you?"

"Course we do. Although…we'd have to look."

I quirked an eyebrow at the possibly George. I mean they're office looked neat enough. Maybe they'd just stuffed everything into draws for my visit.

"If you could provide me with a copy I'd be very grateful. And if you're ever approached about these items again please let me know."

"What you want us to snitch?"

"No Fred, I want you to report a crime."

"And just what makes you think I'm Fred?"

They'd both crossed their arms. I mean I thought my gut instinct was right but I'd look a bit of a fool if I was wrong. I bit my lip and decided to go for it.

"You've got an ink stain on the underside of your right shoe."

The headless figure lifted his right foot to look underneath.

"Damn."

His arm reached up and Fred Weasley's grinning face appeared.

"That's a tiny bloody stain Non."

"A stain is a stain."

I ducked my head slightly as George's equally grinning face appeared and I thought over their answers. I really, really hoped they had a copy of that invoice.

"Right is that business over with now? Can we get to the fun part of the day?"

He was bouncing on the balls of his feet and I supressed an eye roll.

"I really should go back and write up a report first."

"Nope, not allowed. We agreed from three o'clock onwards and guess what Non, it's one minute past."

I eyed George wearily before shooting a pleading look at Fred.

"Oh don't look at me. I've got to go and man the shop whilst this one plays hooky. Good luck."

And with a roguish wink he departed.

"Well. Okay George, can we stop off at your flat first though?"

"Yes of course, c'mere."

Before I could blink George had grabbed my arm and apparated us to the hallway of his flat upstairs and I took a moment to catch my breath.

"A bit of warning would be nice."

A slightly evil grin in return did not reassure me in the slightest. George hurried off to get changed out of his work robes and after a quick trip to use the bathroom I decided to hang my own robes up in the hall. I mean I didn't like leaving them there but I wasn't minded to shrink them down and put them in my bag. Merlin knew half of my wardrobe was stuffed in there already.

"Ready to go?"

"Honestly starting to have second thoughts. You're like an overexcited Teddy."

"Brilliant, you love overexcited Teddy."

You know, love was a bit of a stretch on that given that an overexcited Teddy was completely exhausting but George didn't give me a chance to reply as he was already bundling me out of the front door.

Not five minutes later we were stood on the steps outside the Magner Liber. It was clearly one of those magical buildings like the Leaky Cauldron and St Mungo's where muggles just simply couldn't see it and I saw dozens of faces just glance blankly away as they walked past. You could literally see their eyes jumping from the trees on the left to the church on the right, ignoring the quite frankly ginormous building in the middle.

"Welcome Non, to the Magner Liber."

George led me up the steep steps and the heavy doors opened before us and we stepped into the quiet hush that could only belong to a library. It was _amazing_. Huge vaulted ceilings were high above us and my mind couldn't even start to work out the floor space this building most cover. I breathed in deeply. Merlin I loved the smell of books, I swear it was one of the best smells in the world. And my, were there books. Everywhere I gazed, each spare crevice and cranny was full of them. There must have been hundreds of thousands. I could feel that my eyes were wide as I spun in a slow circle but even as I could see how brilliant this place was I felt a familiar pang of disquiet.

"Hey, what's the frown for?"

George whispered to me as he took a step closer, glancing around to be sure we weren't disturbing anyone but apart from a collection of library workers behind a nearby desk it was, in this part of the library at least, empty.

"I just don't know how I didn't know it existed. I mean I practically lived in libraries at one point."

"Lived in libraries? Which ones?"

My breath froze in my chest even as the war door in my mind gave a violent wobble. Oh shit. I'd completely spoken without thinking. I'd spent a lot of time when on the run from snatchers in the muggle world and there weren't a lot of places a sixteen year old could go that wouldn't attract the wrong kind of attention. Libraries though, I could spend a whole day inside one and no one would look twice. I couldn't tell George that though, it would just open up a string of other questions that I knew I couldn't answer.

"Oh um, just I meant the Hogwarts one. I did my NEWT courses over one year instead of two so yeah, practically lived in the library. I think Pince actually got a bit fond of me by the end."

"Give over Pince never liked anyone."

"She did if you bought her port and cheese George."

I got a dumb blink in response.

"That's genius Non."

I gave him a mock bow in return before I glanced around again.

"So which way are the Defence books?"

"Oh no, you are not here to work. We are here to peruse all the sections Non and I won't have you distracted. Those books will be last."

I gaped at him outraged but he seemed content to ignore me as he hurried me over to a notice board and flashed me an excited grin.

"Look, its story time! C'mon, you'll love this."

"George I am not a child."

My hissed whisper was predictably ignored and George led me through a maze of bookcases until we approached a large area. I could see children on the other side but weirdly couldn't hear them until George pulled us through an invisible barrier. It was like stepping into a bubble and once we were on the other side a crash of noise hit us as children giggled and shrieked delightedly as a middle aged witch stepped up onto a small stage with a book in her hand.

A tug on my arm had me see George was already sat on a beanbag towards the back of the area and with a firm yank on my hand I sat down next to him heavily. He flapped a hand at the glare I sent him and indicated I should pay attention to the witch at the front. I couldn't for the life of me understand why he was so insistent we be here, I mean he'd said himself magical children's books were a bit weird. As soon as the witch opened the book though I had my answer.

It was incredible. As the book opened the picture on the page sprung up to life all around us. It was like we were _in_ the actual story. I could feel that my mouth had dropped open but I couldn't find it in me to care. I'd never seen anything like this before. I managed to send a wide eyed glance to George who was grinning at me before the witch started to read and my attention snapped forward.

It was over far too soon for my liking and I heard George chuckle next to me as I pouted.

"Pretty brilliant right?"

"Better than brilliant. Did you come her all the time when you were small? I'm so jealous."

"Nah just the once."

"What, why only once? This is the perfect place surely for your Mam to be able to leave you while she did boring parent stuff."

"Well she used to with Bill, Charlie and Percy but I suppose Fred and I were *ahem* slightly disruptive?"

The boyish embarrassed grin on his face had me trying to fight of a smile of my own even as I chuckled.

"You did yourselves out of a brilliant opportunity you know."

George mock sighed mournfully before he grinned again.

"We've made up for it now though. The kids here are the perfect group to try out our toys on. Now not our test products before you get all Hermione like on me, just the toys. I mean they're brutal in their feedback but it all helps."

"That's such a great idea George."

"Well, we thought so. C'mon, let's go see the rest of the place."

We stepped back through the bubble of the barrier and the quiet hush of the library enveloped us again as we wondered through the shelves. It wasn't always clear when we passed into different sections but the sheer variety of information in just one place made me shiver. So much knowledge right here, just waiting to be discovered.

I was running my fingers lightly along the spines of a row of books when something thwacked me hard on the bum and I spun around with a glare to see a book hovering there, but no sign of George.

I grabbed the book out of the air, noted the place it had been taken from and put it back with a glare. I had no doubt George was chuckling to himself behind one of the shelves but I refused to give him a reaction. Three books and arse slaps later though I snapped.

"Right then Weasley, where the fuck are you?"

I whispered it quietly even as I slipped into what I dubbed as 'super stealth mode' and I slunk quickly back behind a couple of rows of shelves and double backed on myself so I could get behind him. It took me a few minutes but I finally saw him peering out behind a shelf, head twisting in confusion as he looked for me and I waited until he stepped out into full view and I sent a very slight stinging jinx his way. A strangled yelp and him rubbing at the now sore spot on his bum had me giggle louder than I should have and as it echoed slightly his head whipped around in my direction and I ducked out of sight before running as quietly as I could through the shelves.

We probably played our incredibly childish game of 'tag' for longer than we should have and it was my turn to chase him when it got to the point I'd been looking for him for five minutes but couldn't find him. And while I knew it was stupid, I couldn't help the horribly familiar feeling of almost panic settle on my chest. I mean it was ridiculous. It wasn't like I was _lost_ or that even George was lost. We could just wonder back down to the entrance hall no problem but now that I'd noticed the feeling I couldn't shift it. I spun around almost helplessly but I couldn't see the flash of red that was George's hair anywhere and I bit my lip in concern.

As I turned back to the right I let out a startled shriek even as I clapped a hand over my mouth and tried to laugh at my own stupidity as George stood right in front of me, shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

"I can't believe I managed to finally sneak up on you!"

He was far, _far_ too happy with himself and I tried to cover my feeling of panic with a mock glare.

"That's only because I let you Weasley."

He made a very rude noise in return.

"Liar. Anyway, what did you mean by stinging me on the arse anyway?"

"Oh come off it George you know it's because you sent those books to slap my bum."

He gaped at my with such astonished outrage I felt myself waver. Did he _not_ send the books?

"I bloody well did not. _Marvellous_ idea though."

"Oh that's it, you used that word I so know it was you. It's not like the books would do it themselves given that they're you know, _inanimate._ "

A snarling sound to my left has me shrinking back in alarm as a book had tried to leave the shelf to lunge towards me.

"Now Non, you should apologise, I think you hurt its feelings."

I muttered a sulky apology which weirdly had the book resting back down quietly and I glanced around me properly. Oh _finally_ we were in the Defence and Dark Arts section and I bopped excitedly on my feet.

George stifled a groan as he saw where I was making a beeline for but didn't make any actual comment and soon enough I'd enveloped myself with a number of books. My god these books were fantastic. So many other defence hexes to learn about and practice. I mean it's not like the Ministry didn't have an exhaustive list (and we could only use approved ones) but any chance to expand on my knowledge and practice was vital. And, joy of joys, there were four whole shelves stacked with books on shields and wards. Now I didn't think there'd be much of actual use in here given Bill's books didn't have much either but there was sure to be _something_ and that was better than nothing.

I don't know how long we'd been in this section until George tweaked at my hair.

"Sorry to disturb you Non but I'm absolutely starved. Why don't we check out the books you need and grab some food?"

I glanced in confusion at my watch and realised with some alarm it was coming up to eight o'clock. Merlin we'd been in here for hours.

"Oh right, yeah okay. I'll need to set up an account though. What if they don't let me take out the books the same day?"

I glanced worriedly at the twenty hovering books beside me. And I mean, what if they didn't let me take out that many.

It turned out I was right to worry. Whilst they were happy to set up an account for me they said it needed to be validated along with my Ministry accreditation so they wouldn't let me take out the books.

"Look, I've got an account, can I book them out please?"

George was honestly getting quite grumpy with them but the witch behind the counter simply reviewed his membership file with a frown.

"Given the condition you returned the last set of books Mr Weasley you're lucky you haven't been banned."

"That was my twin brother Fred. I'm George. I've got the one ear and everything."

The witch rifled through another file and sniffed.

"Fine. Your record is clear. They're to be kept by you mind, this young lady can't keep them."

"Right you are."

We both held a pile of books each as we hurried out of the front doors to be met with an almost dark night sky. It was easy to forget as it was still a bit warm that we were in October and the nights were really drawing in.

"George can you help me take these back to mine? I've got some food we can just heat up then, I know you're hungry."

"But she just said _I_ had to keep them."

"So?"

I glanced at him in confusion. I mean George bloody Weasley wasn't going to be a stickler for rules, was he?

"Non Llewellyn, are you trying to get me to break the law?"

His lips were twitching with a supressed smile and I had to fight against an answering one.

"No, I'm getting you to break a library regulation."

George gasped with mock horror.

"You, an auror, breaking the _rules_. You know, I should report you."

"It's a _stupid_ rule George, it doesn't count."

"That is an amazingly outrageous spin on some logic there Non. Know that I heartily approve."

I did laugh then.

"I thought you might. C'mon, let's get these back to mine."

A few moments later we were outside my cottage and predictably for this time of year it was again raining and we hurried indoors.

After I'd carefully placed the books on the table I used my wand to light the fire in the living room before I hurriedly put some left over curry on to heat. I'd had a letter delivered it seemed and I opened it as George set about making the table. It was a thick piece of card inside and as I flipped it over I felt my face fall.

It was a wedding invitation for Susan and Ernie's wedding. It was in just over two weeks time, and Susan had scribbled a note on it apologising for the short notice but apparently there was so much demand for wedding services currently that they weren't able to plan them too far in advance; you never knew when a slot would become available.

I mean it was lovely she'd invited me and I wouldn't want to miss it, it just meant it would be a day of socialising which I really wasn't overly keen on doing. And on top of that it was a day socialising with Hufflepuffs which mean inevitably we'd be talking about a lot of people who were dead. Giving toasts to the dearly departed and all that. I mean I knew a wedding would be a cheerful event it's just we'd all lost so many people, so many that should have had the opportunity of a wedding of their own, that it was bound to be a hugely emotional day. And emotions were something I _really_ didn't feel like dealing with.

As I read to the end of an invite I let out a groan.

"What is it?"

I huffed in annoyance even as I waved the invitation at George.

"I've got an invite to Susan's wedding and I have to bring a plus one. She _knows_ I hate having to find someone to bring to these sorts of things."

I mean it was horrible. I never had anyone to bring, and it crippled me with nerves to try and muster up the courage to ask someone to suffer through a few hours with me. George hadn't said anything else and I glanced up to see him staring at me pointedly.

"What?"

What on earth was wrong with him? He arched one eyebrow and continued to stare. I mean seriously why wasn't he saying anything I mean he- oh. _OH_.

I slapped a hand over my mouth to hide a laugh.

"Oh shit. I forgot."

How the fuck did I forget, holding a wedding invitation in my hand, that there was a fucking _Marriage Law_ that meant of course I didn't even have to find anyone to ask as I would of course need to take George. Actually you know when I thought about it that was as far as I could tell the one benefit of this stupid law, I'd never have to stress about taking someone to an event again.

"Forgot?"

He had a slightly crooked smile on his face now but his brow was slightly furrowed and I flushed with embarrassment.

"I know its stupid right, I mean it's a bloody wedding invite in my hand." I giggled again nervously before biting my lip. "Er George, um would you er, be my plus one?"

I felt my stomach swoop with anxiety while I waited for an answer and that weird funny smile crossed his face again as he kept staring at me.

"I would love to be your plus one Non."

"Oh okay, good."

I didn't understand why I wasn't feeling more relieved and I frowned again at the invite before shoving it back into the envelope.

"Say did you want anything to drink with food? I think I've got a beer somewhere…"

I bustled out into the pantry even as George got up to help me and while we both pottered about a bit getting things ready for food I tried to push the knot of worry that had formed in my stomach to one side so I could capture the feeling back from the afternoon. I'd had a good day all in all really and I didn't want the prospect of a wedding to spoil it.

With beers in hand and plates levitating behind me we both finally sank into our seats to eat. After we'd finished and settled ourselves into the living room for a bit I mulled over my day even as I absentmindedly used my wand to flick aside paper projectiles George was half-heartedly sending my way as I half looked at the book in my lap.

If you had told me just a month ago I'd have managed to do a round of interviews, go to a new place and spend large chunk of my day with _George Weasley_ with only having two minor anxiety blips I'd have said you were mad. It would have been unthinkable. I mean it hadn't been easy, but I'd done it. I was definitely chalking this day up as a win.

 **A/N:**

 **Holy cow, I have 50 reviews and over 100 followers! I've never had that many followers for anything before, thank you all so much. I'm so happy you're all enjoying this story enough to click the follow button.**

 **Big thanks again to my reviewers. Sorry if I haven't responded by PM (I don't have regular internet access currently) but I've been blown away by your words. Seriously, all the thank yous to you.**

 **I hope you all liked this chapter, there was a lot more George in it for you but also some auror plot development too. I'd love to know what you think of it. Reviews make me happier than you could possible know!**

 **Thanks again for taking the time to read.**

 **Diolch,**

 **Yav**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. I also don't own anything by Richard Adams. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 20

I stood impatiently next to a run-down muggle bus stop as I fidgeted with the heavy black rimmed glasses on my face. I'd charmed my hair black and for the first time in Merlin knew how long I'd adorned some tinted lip gloss. I was wearing heeled ankle boots, a tartan skirt about an inch shorter than I was comfortable with and a ridiculously tight black polo neck sweater. My dark grey wool jacket was draped over my other arm and my ever present bag I'd transfigured to look like a dark brown leather satchel.

Maybe my steps to disguise myself were a bit over the top but given what I was about to do and who I was about to meet, I wasn't taking any chances. I looked completely unlike myself. As the door sign at the laundrette opposite finally flipped to closed I nodded lightly to show that I'd seen the signal and I made my way to a rusty looking gate just to the right of it, that led on to a dilapidated court yard where a cloaked figure waited for me.

"Do they teach amateur dramatics at the auror department these days? I hardly think this is needed."

I stared hard at Rita Skeeter until she rolled her eyes, opened the gate and led me through to her flat. The interior of her flat was weirdly plain but going by the half emptied trunks and boxes it wasn't hard to see that she had only recently moved here. Given that she was effectively in muggle London though and the state of disrepair on the outside, it was obvious that she had fallen on hard times. I almost, _almost_ , felt bad for her until I recalled just what sort of articles she'd used to write. She'd take just the tiniest hint of a fact before spinning some outrageous scandal. The about of character assassinations she'd carried out over the years hadn't left her with many friends once You Know Who had fallen and Shaklebolt become Minister of Magic.

It was no secret I wasn't a fan of the Ministry or how they'd either neglected to reform after the war, or the reforms they had done as in the auror department had been disastrous, but they had at least set new standards for journalism. No longer could the Daily Prophet spew out spurious articles that belonged in a gossip rag. There were certain criteria that had to be met to get an article published and perhaps Rita Skeeter just hadn't adapted yet. Given what information I had in my bag, I rather hoped she'd learn and quickly.

"There's tea if you want it. I know you'll want to make your own. Clive said you lot don't like accepting food or drink if you don't know or trust whose made it."

I blinked slowly at the middle aged and now that I looked, exceedingly tired witch, in front of me as she leant against a door frame before my mind caught up.

"Oh, Benson. Right well yes, he's got a point. Did you want me to make you one too or have you…"

I trailed off as I saw her take a swig of firewhisky. From the bottle.

"Right. Never mind. If you could save your drinking for after though please Ms. Skeeter I'd really appreciate it."

Fucking hell, she was possibly an alcoholic. Or she was just having a really terrible day. Maybe I was about to really, really make an awful mistake.

I hurried to make myself a mug of tea before I sat myself down on an overturned box, Rita having taken a seat in the only armchair. She clearly didn't want to be entertaining me as a guest.

"I've got a story for you Ms Skeeter. If you want it."

"I might do. I might not, after all I'm _clearly_ busy. First I want you to answer me a question. You're friends with miss prissy pants Granger, and you work with darling Harry and that irritating Weasley, why on earth would you ask _me?_ "

"Because you're good."

At her disbelieving expression I hurried to continue.

"Or perhaps I should say; you could be. You've got a great way of writing Ms Skeeter, your articles were always readable, it was just the contents that were dubious. And look, there's no denying your reputation has taken a tumble. But what I'm about to give you – Rita," I leant forward slightly and noted her eyes widened at the use of her first name, "It could be huge. You'd be respected again. Why would you want someone else to have it?"

There was a hunger in her eyes. She was weirdly reptilian in how her eyes narrowed and darted slightly as she thought, before she re-adjusted her glasses and gazed at me with astonishingly clear eyes. Perhaps the firewhisky had been an act of her own.

"Is it to do with the auror staffing problems?"

I felt a reluctant smile lift the corner of my mouth and I nodded.

"I knew it. I _knew_ you didn't make that offhand comment for nothing. Not that it got me anything but threats when I asked around. Oh don't look so surprised. You think I've never come across aurors like Proctor before? I've lived and reported through two wars dearie, I know a bad wizard when I meet one."

I deliberately kept my face calm as I took in her words before I unclipped my bag and took out a portion of the papers. I had made the decision to drip feed the information I'd found. That way I hoped Rita could start out small. If she led with a massive article right off the bat then all of the contents would be dismissed given her reputation.

"Look I've managed to obtain the staffing records from pre and post war. Here's just the start. Read through it Rita you can see the basic numbers, you can see it start to decline and then when they restructured the auror department…"

I trailed off, giving her time to read the parchment I'd handed her, her eyes hungrily taking in the words.

"Well, where's the rest?"

"I'll have more for you next week. Best to make the readers wait, no?"

She narrowed her eyes at me.

"You don't trust me."

"Not particularly, no."

"Now hold up, if I'm to publish this I need to prove the information was sourced legitimately."

"There's a reference number lodged in the document request department. All confidential and all anonymous."

 _Unless the staff were in the pocket of those seeking more power_.

I shrugged that thought off as best I could. I'd still been reviewing the recent appointments higher up in each department and there had _definitely_ been a few questionable moves lately. How to trace who was putting the pressure on to get certain people either employed or moved however was proving tricky.

"Aren't you breaching your oath to the Ministry?"

I stilled as I considered her question. I mean it was an important one. Every member of staff had to swear an oath of allegiance to the Ministry when they first joined it. It had happened that way for centuries. Now you'd think once they'd seen how easy it was for the Ministry to be infiltrated by hostile forces and taken over during the war they would think to change that rather dated and quite frankly fucking _stupid_ tradition but no. It was still a requirement. _An_ oath had to be sworn.

So in all fairness and to show willingness to comply I _had_ sworn an oath. It just wasn't to the Ministry. You know technically I was still complying. It's not my problem the wording was vague enough I found wriggle room.

"I can promise you I won't be."

"Fine. It'll be on your head anyway. I'll get this submitted for Monday's _Prophet_. Same time next week for the rest?"

I nodded shortly and left without a further word. I tried to ignore the slight swirl of guilt I was feeling. I mean really I was shipping Ministry secrets to a thoroughly disreputable journalist. But the facts needed to be known. The drop off in aurors following the war was genuinely concerning and after the reforms…well, they'd plummeted. Which led me to believe that it wasn't just Azkaban that was the reason but without the staffing rotas I couldn't be sure. It was one thing sort of noticing it in work, it was another to read it plain as day written in ink before you.

I checked my watch and hurried to head back to the office. It seemed that no matter what I did now I just never had enough time. What with researching wards, tracking the political appointments in different departments, going through the documents Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass had _finally_ provided, surveillance watch of the warehouse and the CMG cottage and trying to find time to do those less important things like you know eat and sleep, it was a bit of a wonder I was still functioning.

My sleep still wasn't brilliant that week and by Sunday as I sat at my desk in the early hours of the morning towards the end of my shift I was still struggling to shrug off the after effects of yet another nightmare. I'd been lost in a maze of stone walled corridors, blood smeared over my face as I'd clutched too big robes to my body. I suppose nightmare wasn't the right word when I knew it was a memory.

I shook my head in annoyance as I tried to banish it once more when I felt the familiar heat come from the notebook in my pocket and I couldn't help a small grin slip on my face. I carefully adjusted the papers in front of me to make it look like I was still working as I quickly retrieved it and flipped it open.

 **[This is a very important question. Practically life or death. I mean, the whole of civilisation may depend on your response.]**

 **[I know it's a lot of pressure but you must give me your honest answer.]**

 **[Chocolate Frogs or Sugared Mice?]**

My grin grew into a smile.

 **[** _ **Chocolate Frogs easily. Sugared Mice should seece to exist.**_ **]**

 **[That seems a bit unfair on the mice. What have you got against them?]**

I grimaced slightly at the memory.

 **[** _ **I once ate nine bag fulls in one go as a bet. That much suger and your stumock lining do not mix well.]**_

 **[How on earth did you, who plans for all known risks, fall for that?]**

 **[** _ **I was a very gullible child**_ **]**

It had been stupid bloody Gruff that had-

I stopped as a sharp pang shot through me and I bit my lip. It wasn't like me to let myself think of him. I had, stupidly I could see now, thought that maybe I'd be hearing for him when Charlie had returned back to Romania and told Gruff he'd seen me but I hadn't had anything at all. It wasn't like I needed the reminder.

 **[I'm amazed you've admitted that to me.]**

 **[C'mon then now that I actually have your attention…]**

I swear he left a deliberate pause for me to roll my eyes.

 **[It's your turn to ask a question.]**

 **[** _ **Alrite. Which professor did you hate the most?**_ **]**

 **[** _ **You can't pick Umbridge or Snape**_ **]**

 **[Bugger. And I didn't do Divination so can't say Trelawney]**

 **[Sinistra. No one should be allowed to make stars that boring]**

 **[** _ **I was expecting you to say Binns]**_

 **[Nah. I mean everyone expects history to be boring]**

 **[Plus, Fred and I got loads of work on our products done in that class]**

What on earth was he on about? History was not boring. In fact, and I flushed slightly in embarrassment as I recalled it, I'd had one of my few ever detentions after I'd politely suggested to Binns how he could amend the syllabus. Seriously, there was so much amazing magical history out there that he just bloody ignored. It was infuriating. I was just about to message to George to let him know how wrong he was about the subject only to see he'd written again.

 **[Same question to you and same criteria]**

 **[** _ **Flitwick**_ **]**

 **[You're JOKING!]**

 **[I mean, you must be? Everyone loves Flitwick!]**

I most certainly did not love Flitwick. For two very good reasons. I blushed furiously at the thought of the first one. Merlin it had been, hands down, the most mortifying moment of my life and I was never, ever going to tell anyone. I'd never even told Anna and Chloe. Only stupid bloody Gruff knew and he-

I huffed in annoyance and hastily scribbled my second reason.

 **[** _ **Lets just say we had artistic differences over choir]**_

Mainly that he wouldn't know a good choral arrangement even if it trampled him. I mean seriously my mam was a music teacher, she'd led the choir in the muggle school, I had quite obviously already learnt from the best.

 **[I'm expecting far more detail then that when we go to The Burrow for lunch. Be warned]**

 **[** _ **Alright. Although I guess I know the answer to who your favourite professor was]**_

 **[Correct. So who was yours? You can't say Sprout]**

Oh now that wasn't fair. He knew I loved Herbology.

Well I couldn't say Snape because even though he clearly knew his subject he had been a bully. Binns I couldn't for obvious reasons. Lockhart and the fake Moody were also obviously not contenders. Hagrid for all I knew my friends love him, was a terrible professor. Slughorn had been creepy, Sinistra _was_ a bit dull. I liked McGonagall but she wasn't exactly what I called a favourite. I frowned.

 **[** _ **I don't think I ever had a favourite. I think, if he'd taught us more, it would have been Professor Lupin**_ **]**

I blinked at my words but they felt right. I really think he might have been, no other teacher I'd had had anything like his balance of patience, discipline and encouragement. As a second year he'd certainly secured my love of Defence Against the Dark Arts anyway.

"Non heads up, we've got a raid!"

My head did indeed snap up to see Tobin grinning at me from the doorway and I hurriedly scooped up the notepad, shoving it in my pocket as I jogged towards the lockers to get my auror kit together fighting to keep a grip on my surge of nerves.

"'Where to is it?"

"The same warehouse from August, we've had a tip off, I reckon if we're lucky we can arrest another bunch. Might help us get the head guy out of hiding hey?"

Tobin was honestly far too happy about going on a raid but then…that was Tobin. She hated the paperwork but loved all the action.

There were four of us gathered and within seconds we were at the warehouse where we surprised six very unsuspecting smugglers. You know in a way it was a bit of an anti-climax. They were so taken unawares that we had two rounded up immediately. To give them credit I _suppose_ the other four did put up a fair bit of a fight and it was great to actually duel to my full potential for a change. There was just something about being in complete control of my own body as I darted to and fro to dodge a hex or a curse, and to time it just right with my own returning spells. I managed to catch Tobin's eye in the middle of it all and we shared a grin. Hell, when I didn't have time to get properly anxious I loved the action to.

Tobin released another woop of delight as we finally secured the final smuggler.

"Yarnley your criminal days are over."

My eyes widened at the name. Yarnley, fucking _Jacob Yarnley_? He was only one of the key snatchers from You Know Who's reign who had evaded capture for years. Fucking hell this was _huge_.

It was only as I stared at his face I realised he was looking far too happy and with a surge of alarm I managed to bite out an _Amddifyn_ and only just in time. A stack of warehouse boxes exploded to our right but my shield thankfully caught most of the splintered debris. I bit out a hiss as a searing pain slashed across my cheek. It seems that maybe I hadn't been quick enough. A hot warmth started to flow across my face and down my neck and I felt myself sway as my memory with the Death Eater tried to flash its way to the surface. Helga I hated blood. I specifically hated blood on my face.

"Fuck Non you were quick, we'd have been completely spiked otherwise. Who knew wood was so dangerous hey?"

I straightened as I turned to face Tobin whose face turned weirdly calm as she looked at me. My suspicions were confirmed when she smiled at me encouragingly.

"Hopkiss and Terry have taken them back to the interview rooms. Here let me get you to the medical room."

I narrowed me eyes even as I tried to ignore the searing pain in my cheek. I mean facial injuries always did bleed more than normal cuts so I didn't think I had to be too concerned about the blood loss and no shards of wood had hit me anywhere else. Tobin was starting to look queasy though so I guess it was a bit more serious than I'd thought and I decided it would be best to try and lighten the mood.

"Tobin, tell me the truth do I…" I trailed off even as I glanced at her with a grave expression. "Do I look like Beckett?"

I rather spoilt it as I giggled and Tobin let out a snort of laughter even as she shook her head at me.

"You're a shit Non you nearly had me worried. Stay there for a sec while I do a last sweep to make sure there's nothing else here and we'll get your face sorted. I mean it's not _terrible_ but yeah, you definitely need a healer."

I counted my breaths as I waited for Tobin to finish securing the area, my mind focused on the capture of Yarnley and nothing else even as I could feel the memory trying to push its way through. The Death Eater was then and this was now, and we'd captured another one of their goons. This was a win. In fact, it was bloody brilliant.

Tobin seemed to share my happier thoughts as she was beaming when she made her way back to me.

"Another one off the list. Heck I wonder if Beckett will let us replenish the biscuit tin now as a reward?"

I started to laugh at that but trailed off with a wince as it pulled at my cheek and as I reached up to touch it she slapped my hand away.

"None of that, you know what the healers are like."

I sighed heavily. I suppose I did.

Some half hour , and a severe scolding later, I was sat back at my desk writing up my report from the raid while the left side of my face felt like it was twice the size as normal.

Apparently the shard of wood that had zipped past my face had gone quite deep into my cheek and I was lucky its trajectory meant it hadn't penetrated further or even caught my ear. Because it was so deep the basic healing spell to knit skin together wouldn't work on all of it. They had mended the lower layers of muscle and skin but I still had a bit of a gaping wound at the top that they'd smothered a salve on and of course there was the swelling to deal with. I groaned heavily.

"Oh c'mon Llewellyn it's not that bad. They've said it'll heal up in two days and you won't even scar."

"Oh I know that. It's just I have Sunday lunch with Mrs Weasley in like oh shit, ten minutes. She already thinks this job is too dangerous for me, what do you think she'll make of this?"

I jabbed rather pointlessly in the direction of my face because I mean really, how could anyone miss it? I only got laughter from Tobin and I scowled at her grumpily, even as I fished the notebook out of my pocket. I supposed I'd better get George to warn her. I blinked in surprise to see I'd missed messages from him.

 **[Remus was the best, I commend your choice.]**

 **[I still miss him you know]**

My breath left me slowly. Shit you know I sometimes forgot that of course George would have known Professor Lupin from his time with the Order of the Phoenix. Helga I sometimes still forgot he was Teddy's father although that was a lot harder to do.

 **[** _ **I'm sorry**_ **]**

I attempted to pull as much of a face as my swollen cheek would allow. Urgh that was a rubbish message but what was I supposed to say to that?

 **[** _ **And sorry for the deelay responding, I was on a raid]**_

 _ **[And er about that. I may have got a teeny tiny cut on my face.]**_

 _ **[Could you warn your mam? I'm heading over now]**_

I shoved the notepad back into my pocket, picked up my bag and hurried to the apparition point. I took a moment to pause outside of The Burrow and gather myself. I wasn't anxious, which was weird really, but I was still absolutely thrumming with adrenaline, _good_ adrenaline and I wanted to at least calm myself slightly before I bounded in. Fuck I couldn't believe we'd _finally_ caught Yarnley!

I gave up as another large gust of wind blew around me and I bounced up to the door, knocked and then let myself in.

"Hello, I'm here!"

I called out loudly as I bent to remove my boots.

"We're in the kitchen dear."

I followed Mrs Weasley's voice as I near skipped in to the kitchen. What I was not prepared for was her to scream as she saw me, drop an arm load of dishes and clutch at her chest as though I'd given her a heart attack.

I shot an accusing look at George who was stood by her.

"I told you to warn her!"

"You said it was tiny!"

He looked a bit pale under his freckles really and was staring at me with what I could have sworn was horror and I felt myself deflate. Shit was my face actually that bad? I opened my mouth to respond but was distracted by Mrs Weasley's surprisingly strong grip grabbing hold of my arm and shoving me down into a chair in the kitchen before she hurried off to grab a book.

"In all my years, how on Merlin's beard did they let you leave without healing you, your poor pretty face, I'll be writing a letter I can tell you this is simply unacceptable."

"But they did heal me."

As her face turned an interesting shade of puce I rather wished I could take those words back.

"You mean it was WORSE?! Arthur! ARTHUR! Come and see what state the auror department treat their staff I cannot believe, George go grab your father I-"

"MUM!"

George's bellow somehow managed to stop her in her tracks and whatever mother-son look they shared I was at a loss to follow. I reached up tentatively to touch the cut. Maybe it really was worse than I'd thought. Perhaps the adrenaline had made me overlook the extent of it.

"I wouldn't touch it if I were you."

At the sound of a new voice I turned my head slowly to the right to see Bill, Fleur and Victoire sat at the far end of the kitchen table and I blushed furiously for having not noticed them. It was Bill that had spoken.

"Trust me, I've got experience."

Oh of course he'd had really bad facial cuts of his own. I nodded my understanding and lowered my hand. George it seemed had managed to persuade Mrs Weasley to head out into the garden to look for her husband although really I think it was more to calm herself down. I eyed the cream coloured tube he held in his hand as he approached me with suspicion.

"What is that?"

"It's a healing salve of mine and Fred's invention, should work better than whatever gunk they've put on your face."

He was now stood close to me and staring intently at my cheek and I tried not to fidget.

"Is it that bad?"

"It's actually not." A crooked smile to go with his words had me sighing with relief. "The swelling makes it look worse than it is but heck Non it was a bit of a shock. You alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine. The healers said it should be all gone in two days, I won't scar or anything."

"Well with this it should be all cleared up by tomorrow."

George brandished the tube at me but I leant back slightly in alarm.

"Are you sure that's a healing salve? It's not going to make my face change colour is it?"

"What? No! Look come here just let me-"

"I won't sprout tentacles?"

"No."

"Grow boils?"

"No!"

"Come out in a rash?"

"Don't be ridiculous, I just want to make your face better."

George looked so genuinely put out I almost felt bad.

"Don't look at me like that George you're a Weasley twin and you have a reputation for a reason you know."

"What _I_ want to know is how you have not fallen from the chair leaning back so far like that."

Fleur's voice drew my attention and I glanced at her in confusion before I realised that yes actually, I had titled quite far back to get away from George.

"I have very good balance Fleur."

Which I did, actual top of the auror class when it came to that, or when I wasn't having to pretend to mess up anyway.

"Right, stay still Non."

Even if I hadn't heard the words I'd have frozen as George's hand grabbed my chin gently.

"Are you _sure_ that isn't a joke product?"

George ignored me even as he brought his other hand towards the cut, a blob of salve on his finger.

"Ouch!"

George abruptly let me go and let out a strangled sound of frustration before he levelled me with a very annoyed stare.

"Non. I hadn't even put any on yet."

I flushed a bit in embarrassment.

"Right sorry, just anticipated it. You know Ginny's terrible at putting healing salve on so."

I shrugged but was glad to see him smile.

"I remember."

He took advantage of my momentary confusion to put the salve on the cut and I had to hand it to him it didn't hurt at all. But what did he mean he remembered Ginny putting healing salve on me? Oh right of course, after the last raid and I'd had friction burn. That was when Mrs Weasley had walked into the room when I'd been discussing…

I blushed furiously and George chuckled deeply at my reaction.

Safe words, when I'd fucking mentioned safe words. I didn't dare risk looking at George. Merlin. I'd actually managed to forget that embarrassing moment until now.

"Right all done. If that hasn't healed by tomorrow I owe you gift."

Mrs Weasley called to us then to head out to the garden and my brow furrowed. It was blowing a gale outside were we really going to eat lunch out there? As I stood George as per usual gave me a quick hug before leading me outside.

I soon understood why she called us as George walked forward to help his father. A rather large, well barn really, was being erected and Mr Weasley needed help stabilising the far end. I shivered as a gust of wind swept over me and I hurried to keep up with George. You know being that he was so wide at the shoulders he was a really good thing to shelter behind.

"Non are you using my brother as a wind break?"

I froze as George glanced over his shoulder at me in confusion and I shot a slightly guilty look across to Bill to see he was standing with his arm around Fleur's shoulder, Victoire nestled in her arms as he used his wand to form a magical barrier around them to protect them from the wind. Bloody show off.

"I think it is a very good idea. You should stand closer to him Non, he has a nice broad back to hide behind no?"

I narrowed my eyes before I pointedly moved a step away from George and took out my own wand to make my own magical wind break. And obviously it was the wind that was making my face turn red. _Obviously_.

It didn't take long for George to finish helping his dad and we were all soon sat inside the barn where George explained it was being set up for Charlie and Alina's wedding which was now just under two weeks away.

"Alright there Non, been on a raid have we?"

"Oh hi Arthur, and yes, got a bit of a scratch but it was worth it."

"Any arrests?"

I knew better than to beam given the wound on my cheek so I settled for bouncing in my seat as I clapped my hands happily.

"Oh yes!"

"Who did you arrest?"

"Now George you should know better than to ask if the arrest has only just been made."

"He's right sorry George. I'm sure it'll be in the Prophet tomorrow."

He grumbled a bit at me but didn't push the point. Sunday lunch at the The Burrow passed without much more of an incident. I was absolutely starving after the raid and it seemed to please Mrs Weasley immensely when I asked for seconds although it did take me longer than normal to eat it as George kept making my food dance across the plate.

As I got ready to leave George walked me to the door .

"Here wait let my put another coat of the healing salve on."

I eyes the tube suspiciously. Wait a moment…

"That's a different one George. What does that do?"

"It's not different."

"Yes it is that has a black cap the other one was navy blue."

George's jaw dropped slightly before he sulkily put the tube away.

"Oh fine. I suppose I should know better by now that you'll notice."

I hummed my agreement as he drew me in for a hug. After a few seconds I wiggled awkwardly.

"Um George, you can let me go now you know."

He was still looking a bit sulky even as I waved him a goodbye and left.

The rest of my Sunday past quickly with ward research (I still had about five books from the library to read through) and I happily crawled into bed that evening although given how close to the surface certain memories had been perhaps I should have been more on my guard.

 _I was drowning. Blood from the Death Eaters neck continued to pump out against my face even as his heavy weight settled against me, pinning me to the floor and my muscles still screaming in agony could do nothing to move them._

 _I managed to spit out a mouthful of blood as I finally found strength to turn my head and I took a shuddering gasp of air. The taste of blood in my mouth, it coating my nose was made all the worse as the Death Eater's head lolled against me, his face settling against my neck and he was still._

 _Oh God I'd killed him. I-I'd killed a man. He was – there was – a dead body. A dead body was on me. And he was heavy, so heavy I couldn't –I couldn't breathe. It was suffocation now and not drowning that scared me. My trembling arms didn't have the strength to push him off me and I slowly, so painfully slowly managed to wriggle my way out from underneath him all the while my heart thrummed with fear at the thought someone might find us. They might see what I'd done. I'd be dead._

 _Maybe I should be. Maybe it would be better. Better than this._

 _All I wanted to do was disappear. I wanted to never move again, but I knew I didn't want to be caught and I shivered violently, not just from the trembling in my limbs after the bouts of the cruciatus curse but from the cold as the realisation of my nakedness hit me. I needed clothes but the only ones near me were on the body of a dead man and I recoiled at the thought of using them – but what else could I do?_

 _Forcing myself to my knees I retched as I reached for the knife again to cut the robes from him. I was thankful his face was still hidden behind a mask._

I've killed him. I've killed him. I've killed him.

 _I didn't think these hands could be mine. That I'd used a knife. Even if it was to save myself. I'd – he was dead. He was dead because of me._

 _I finally managed to tear enough of the robe free to wrap it around myself and a loud clatter had me stilling and sending a panicked look either way down the empty stone corridor. When no one appeared I let out half a sob and as I stumbled to my feet, hands desperately clutching at the wall my eyes caught on something on the floor and with a trembling hand I reached for it._

 _It was a wand. It was_ his _wand. If I'd had a voice left I'd have moaned loudly as my fingers wrapped around it. It had been so long,_ so long _, since I'd had a wand in my hand. Since I'd been able to use magic and my vision blurred with tears. My knuckles were near white as I held on to it and with my spare arm clutching the tattered robe to me I started to make my way down the corridor. With each step I was convinced I would be caught, at each corner it took me minutes to build up enough courage to peer around it. A Death Eater would surely be waiting there for me, wouldn't they?_

 _I don't know how much time had passed until I stumbled into a corridor with a small window, a very pale light from outside shining through and I raised the wand to_ reducto _it open only as I tried to say the incantation no noise came from my mouth. I had no voice. I'd never learnt how to do a non-verbal spell. I crumpled then, curled in on myself and sobbed quietly. I would never get free._

I jolted upright in bed, my chest heaving as I rubbed frantically at my face and neck to get the blood off me and it was only at the stab of pain in my cheek as I caught the cut with my hand that jolted me back to reality. I was awake. That had been a nightmare. I wasn't back there. I wasn't stuck there in that corridor all alone and broken.

"I'm Non Llewellyn. I'm Non Llewellyn."

I gasped out the words in a whisper even as I reached with a shaking hand for the glass of water at my beside and took a large gulp. Glancing at my clock I could see that it was only coming up to five in the morning but there was no way on this earth I was going back to sleep. I hugged the duvet closer to me even as I summoned my planner with my wand, my grip on it harder than it probably should be but I couldn't forget again how horrible it had been to live without one.

I was very pleased to see that my next shift at work didn't start until the evening. I effectively had the whole day off and as it was a Monday that meant Hermione wouldn't be there and I could have the place to myself. I could finally, finally just have a day to do nothing, speak to no one and just well try and recharge my batteries, to steal a muggle expression.

I'd known all the last week I was getting too tired any my nightmare just solidified that. The after effects of adrenaline from the raid probably hadn't helped either. Even though I knew that, I could rationalise it at least I couldn't shake the fear from me and I shivered again.

One hot shower and a small breakfast later and I wasn't feeling any better and I pretty much knew then that this was going to be a bad day. I'd caught sight of myself in the mirror in the bathroom and despite the swelling having all but gone from my cheek the cut looked bad. I mean I looked _terrible_. Both Tobin and George had pretty much lied to me and my stomach churned. Merlin and I'd just traipsed into The Burrow like it was nothing. Like I hadn't just nearly had my face spliced in half. What the fuck was wrong with me?

There was a knock at the door then and I frowned and I walked slowly to open the front door only to be confronted by a floating balloon. I don't know why I did it but I reached a hand out to touch it and as soon as I did it exploded, soaking me in ice cold water.

As I spluttered the sound of laughter reached my ears and George appeared, his flaming hair seeming brighter than normal, his smile wide even as he chortled and I did my best to summon a returning smile. I mean this was just a joke, normally I would be laughing too.

"Well, you finally got me."

He hummed happily as he gathered me into a hug and I couldn't stop myself trembling. I'd been on edge since I'd woken up and the balloon had startled me.

"Hey are you cold? Sorry about the water, here hold on."

I blinked rapidly as a drying and then heating spell passed over me and my brain was still trying to catch up even as George led me through to the kitchen. I really wasn't sure I could cope with the sensory overload that was George Weasley today.

"So I know you have the day off, what did you want to do?"

I felt terrible at the expectant expression on his face and I fought against biting my lip.

"I wasn't going to do anything today George."

 _I just want to be left alone_.

"Oh c'mon Non you never have free time. What shall we do?"

 _Hibernate_.

"Well…I guess I could do some batch cooking…"

"Cooking. If I didn't know you were so tired from work Non that would never be an acceptable answer."

George wagged a finger at me even as he moved to take ingredients from the cupboards.

"Oh…you're going to stay?"

 _Oh Merlin please don't_.

"I like cooking."

Right of course he would.

I wearily made my way to the kitchen and took out a chopping board. My hand nearly fumbled as I went to pick up a knife and I swallowed heavily against the lump that had appeared in my throat before I focused furiously on an onion I had placed before me.

"Here Non, if you use this charm it'll be quicker."

I felt a surge of alarm and I snatched the onion away from George before I could think. I wasn't good at that charm and I didn't want to try and learn it again today. I just wanted…I just wanted…I wanted everything to stop.

"No thank you George I like doing it this way."

"Nah c'mon it's easy I'll show you."

"George can you just – can you please just stop!"

Merlin I felt sick. My stomach was churning with what had to be anxiety, I hadn't eaten anything to upset it, and I only felt worse at the hurt that flickered across his face.

"Non it's just an onion."

But it wasn't. I needed a day of peace and quiet, of doing things I knew how, of just something calm, something routine and George wasn't any of those things.

"I'm not having a good day George and this is my first day off in so long I just…I would just really like some time to myself."

"Right. You know, if you don't actually like my company you should just say Non. If I knew then I wouldn't bloody take the day off to come over to see you. I mean I'd hate to be a _bother_."

"It's – it's not _you_ George I just really need to-"

"Whatever Non."

My jaw dropped slightly as the normally nice, friendly, happy George Weasley stomped from the room with a face like thunder and the resounding slam of the front door let me know he'd left. A very distant part of me felt bad about that but for the most part I felt relieved at the quiet that now settled over the cottage.

I placed the onion and the knife back on the counter and eased myself slowly to lie down on the kitchen floor. I liked doing that when I was feeling so uncertain. It was something solid, something real and for whatever reason it made me feel better. What I needed to try and figure out was _why_ I was feeling so uncertain. And just why over the last week and a half I'd been sleeping so badly.

I ran through the things in my mind that could be bothering me. Yes everything with work was a concern but that was _work_ , it was something that I could focus on and look to resolve which usually made me feel better. Providing Rita Skeeter with Ministry information did make me feel uneasy but again it didn't explain this strange anxious and oppressive feeling that I couldn't shift. My mind darted briefly to the thought of Gruff but again that didn't seem right. That was an on-going niggle, like a slightly sensitive tooth that I could forget about apart from the rare moments it would bother me.

No, this was something else. It was…oh Merlin it was the wedding. Susan and Ernie's wedding. I'd felt bad as soon as I'd seen the invite. I-I didn't want to go.

I let out a breath as I realised that. Their wedding was on Friday and I felt my stomach churn with unease. I'd have to think of something to wear, I'd have to plaster on a smile and pretend to be happy for _hours_ , there'd be so much talk about Justin and, fuck I really needed to warn George about that. I felt my face crumple and I brought my hands up to cover it, even as I felt my eyes get wet and I let out a shaky breathe.

"Hey Non, are you here?"

Oh no why was he back?

"Look I'm sorry I left like that I – hey what are you doing on the floor?"

I didn't dare take my hands away from my face.

"I like it down here."

"But you're trembling again are you still cold?"

"No it, it's just adrenaline George I've got too much."

Which was true. I felt pleased with myself that I could at least get that honest bit of information out.

"Well you can't stay down there Non can you – can you please look at me?"

I shook my head silently and I heard him sigh. I nearly squeaked with surprise as I felt George settle on the floor next to me.

"Why do you like it down here?"

I swallowed heavily. Damn he was going to make me talk, but at least he wasn't making me take my hands away from my face. I mean really this was absurd and embarrassing but I knew by now that it was best to at least try and explain myself to him. And I actually felt it would be easier to respond to him when I couldn't see him. Now all I had to do was try and find the words.

"When I have a bad day I feel all…like I have no roots." God that wasn't right, that wasn't the word but I couldn't think how else to say it. "When I lie here I feel like I'm at least connected to something."

"And why did you react like that about the onion? I need to know Non, I don't like upsetting you."

"It – it wasn't the onion George." I flushed with embarrassment. God this was mortifying. I was going to sound so stupid. "When I feel like this I –I need things that make me feel certain. I like to know what I'm doing. Anything new or that I hadn't planned for would have made me react like that. It just – it made me feel panicked."

I bit my lip hard to try and stop myself crying properly.

"And when you say you feel like 'this' – how is that?"

Merlin he was asking me difficult questions.

"I don't know how to explain it. I just don't feel like myself. Like I'll never get better. It's like, I mean I'm just….I'm just afraid."

Oh God and I was. Of everything. Everyday really was like a battle against things that alarmed me, that scared me, that challenged me and Helga I was so tired. Would it never end?

"Okay Non I am going to move you now off the floor so please don't you know be startled and break my nose again okay?"

I managed a half groan half gargled laugh which soon caught in my throat as I felt George try and lift me. I managed to scramble to my feet myself to stop him even as I rubbed at my face in embarrassment. I could feel George stare at me for a long moment before he looped an arm around my shoulder and steered me to the living room. He busied himself with lighting the fire before he led me over to the armchair and pulled me down to sit on his lap and I immediately tensed.

"George I don't need to sit on you, I can sit on the sofa."

"No I need to you to sit here where I can be sure you're listening."

He had one arm around my waist even as the fingers on his free hand played with the hem of my jumper.

"Look Non I know you probably don't think it but in the few months I've known you…you _are_ getting better. And I can't pretend to understand what it is that your anxiety makes you feel but I want to try. Will you – will you let me?"

I kept my eyes trained on a small hole in the knee of my jeans, my hair hanging forward to cover most of my face and I could feel my eyes fill.

"I don't want to go to the wedding."

I blurted the words out before I could think and felt George jerk slightly in response.

"What do you mean – you mean Susan's wedding? Why not?"

I let myself blabber on then, about how hard I found it to mingle with Hufflepuffs since the war, about how many memories of Anna and Chloe there would be, how hard I would find it to plaster on a smile for the day, to socialise for hours and finally, _finally_ I drew up the courage to dart a look at George's face.

"And well, then there's Justin. Do-do you remember Justin?"

The door in my head where I kept everything Justin firmly shut behind creaked itself slightly open.

"What Finch-Fletchley? Yeah I remember him he was in the DA."

"Well he was, I mean he and I, we-we dated. Before he died. I mean _obviously_ before he died but we were – at the time – we were a-a c-couple."

"He was your boyfriend?"

"Yeah he, I mean we'd fancied each other off and on for years but never did anything about it but after the war we-we did. And then well – he died."

My lips felt strangely numb and this time I really did feel cold and even as I shivered I felt George's arm tighten around me and I nearly jumped as his hand cupped my cheek.

"Sorry, just checking your cut. It looks a lot better."

I could appreciate his reassuring smile even though I knew it was a lie. I'd seen the cut myself this morning and it was awful.

"I'm sorry you lost him Non. I'm sorry he died."

"It was a long time ago now it's just he was Ernie's best friend and he's never really gotten over it so he'll be mentioned a lot. It'll be hard to listen to."

That was probably one of the biggest understatements I'd ever made. It was going to be excruciating.

George hand dropped and he wrapped his other arm around me and this time I didn't mind. Hiding my face in his shoulder was much preferable to looking him in the face.

"I'll help you."

I felt the words rumble through him and my mouth raised in a half smile, probably my first proper one of the day.

"Thank you."

"So I'm guessing you just want to sit quietly and do nothing right?"

"That is exactly what I want to do."

I felt ridiculously pleased that for one that painful conversation looked to be over, and two George finally seemed to be cottoning on that I quite liked days where I could do nothing.

"Okay well, let's do that then."

"George you can't sit quietly and do nothing."

"I bloody can. I shall prove it. You sit here and I shall read a book."

"That's not nothing George."

"Well no, but I'll be quiet. Here I think I'll read….this one."

I heard a faint flutter of book pages as George summoned a book and I tried my hardest to relax but I honestly felt a bit uncomfortable to be sat on him and the tension across my shoulders didn't look like it was going to go away any time soon. Stupid anxiety. Stupid adrenaline, God I hated it.

"Blimey that Fiver's a bit odd isn't he? Hazel seems smart though."

I had to stifle a groan. Of course bloody George wouldn't be able to say quiet.

"Oh I like this Bigwig."

"I call my _Patronus_ Bigwig."

I'd surprised myself by answering, even as I kept my eyes closed.

"You did? Your _Patronus_ is a rabbit?"

"It is. I like it. There's a bit in the book, about how resourceful and tricky rabbits can be. Like how the whole world is their enemy, and if they catch them they'll kill them but first they have to be caught. And that's the whole point with rabbits – they're so difficult to catch."

I'd cried the day I found out what my _Patronus_ was. Firstly because I'd always loved the book. Secondly because for a time I'd done so well at not getting caught and then finally, because I knew what happened when you were. Never again. I'd never let any of them catch me again.

George was now being surprisingly quiet and I raised my head to look at him but his eyes were focused on the page.

"What's yours?"

His brown eyes flickered to mine even as a slow grin spread across his face.

"A coyote"

My eyes widened slightly. Oh God.

"That is…actually a bit alarming. Don't they eat rabbits? You aren't going to eat me are you George?"

I snorted a laugh at his perplexed expression even as I settled my head back on his shoulder and sighed. Merlin he would be a coyote wouldn't he? That was just so typically George.

"I mean, you'd have to catch me first anyway."

I yawned slightly as George hummed his agreement and I tentatively raised an arm to wrap around him. I wasn't entirely sold on using him as a pillow but he didn't seem like he wanted me to move and now that I'd been sat on him for a while I realised that he was actually quite comfortable. As we sat there now thankfully in actual silence I finally felt the tension drain from my shoulders and I sank further into George. I didn't feel _better_ but I at least felt slightly less worried which I supposed was something and Merlin I was tired. I yawned again and closed my eyes sleepily and I'd just started to drift off when I felt words rumble through his chest.

"How do I catch you Non?"

I huffed out a half laugh as I struggled to wake myself enough to answer. I mean I was wedged against him and his arm wrapped around me already, what a silly question.

["You already have George."]

All I got was an arm squeeze in response and with another sleepy sigh I finally fell asleep.

 **A/N:**

 **Sorry this chapter was a few days late, I hope you all like it. The book is of course Non's favourite - Watership Down.**

 **I'm getting to the stage where I've dreamt up scenes for so long that I'm only just starting to write them up that I'm now half convinced I've already included them in earlier chapters so if it turns out that I have in fact duplicated myself anywhere can you please let me know! This story has become far bigger than I ever intended it to be (oops).**

 **Hello to my new followers and to those that have been wonderful enough to review - *thank you*. Your words mean a great deal to me and I appreciate each and every one.**

 **Until the next chapter then.**

 **Diolch,**

 **Yav**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 21

You know it wasn't that I had become disappointed we'd captured one of the last major fugitives from the war but I can't deny that it was just a tiny bit unfortunate timing. I huffed out a heavy sigh as I turned over the front page of the Daily Prophet which had near every spare inch covered in reporting on our capture of Jacob Yarnley. I had to thumb through at least six pages before I found again the article I was looking for.

It was Rita's piece about the staffing levels in the auror department. It was only perhaps a third of the page and all without Rita's usual flare for well…lies but it was there. The right figures, the alarming drop off, but who on earth was going to pay attention to that when the front page was singing our department's praises?

Perhaps in a way it was better and this approach I wanted would go under the radar for longer, whilst still slowly sinking in to the public.

I'd already sent Rita some more information. This time it was the figures that focused solely on the drop off in auror numbers from when Azkaban had been re-opened to be manned by witches and wizards. It was a steep drop off. I was still a bit unsure it was my own bias talking so I was really keen to see what approach Rita would take to it next week. At least with her return to journalism I knew I could count on getting a truly individual point of view of it. I was then going to feed her the anonymous forms some auror's had completed either when they retired or had switched careers. It was easily over seventy percent saying they had left the department solely because they had to work at the prison. I mean it was incredibly frightening really.

While that was in effect on a slow burning cauldron I'd been rifling through this week the maintenance reports I'd finally received. I rubbed at my face tiredly even as I sat slouched on my bed, one sock only half on my foot as I blinked blearily to look out the window. It was pitch dark out even though it wasn't long past seven in the evening. My shift started in about two hours' time but I'd woken from my nap early because I'd needed to go over a few more notes for the report I was preparing for Beckett.

What I had discovered whilst going through the ten, foot high piles of reports (I mean seriously the magical community needed a much better method of cataloguing stuff it was ridiculous) was that there had been maintenance issues with the wards and cell shields right from the start.

Now in my research of wards they were near universal in being self-sustaining when the spells were cast. Only if the witch or wizard were to die, or finish the spell themselves, should they fail unless they came under a sustained direct attack. Shields were a bit trickier. Basic defence shields like _protego_ needed only a small bit of power to be held so long as they weren't being impacted by anything. The cell shields were something similar, it was actually quite a nifty bit of magic where a ward and shield had been combined so again, it should never be failing.

The only spell I had ever come across that could fail or well, drain of power was my _amddifyn_ spell. It packed one hell of a punch but it couldn't be held indefinitely, I knew that from experience and it was dangerous to try and hold it for extremely long periods.

So what the maintenance reports were telling me was that both wards and cell shields were being drained of power which according to all magical theory on the subject should be impossible. I'd conducted a few experiments of my own against wards at various ministry buildings and they still functioned perfectly, and the maintenance department never had a single problem with any of them. The only difference I could see, the one single factor that could cause these wards to be drained of power was the fact that they were on Azkaban itself.

I mean the island was evil, everyone knew it. It had been by all accounts the birth place of the Dementors and they drained every shred of happiness from those close to them, and that was before you considered the horrific soul sucking they were capable of. Was it any wonder that the Island that had been their home for centuries could have a similar effect on magic?

I leant forward to fumble with the laces of my shoes as I thought furiously over the next part of the report I was trying to prepare. It wasn't then that the wards being drained was so much the issue, the spells could just be renewed and it wouldn't be a problem – just annoying. No what was the problem was that in the last six months were the random instances where the wards and shields weren't being drained slowly, they were simply being knocked out.

There had been one in particular that had near broken the ward on one whole side of the prison and as I'd checked the dates I'd been horrified to see it matched the date of the report Morris had prepared for when he discovered the inside out fish on the island. I could still feel the swirl of nausea low in my stomach as I'd thought of the implications of that.

If that experimental magic, which I knew was so powerful it could turn an actual human being inside out, was in its apparent test stage able to knock out nearly one whole side of the wards at Azkaban, just how many would it be able to take out if it was perfected? Would it be able to break all of them?

I attempted to sit upright even as I massaged at the sides of my head, trying to fight off a headache. It didn't really bear thinking about. If the shields failed there would be a mass break out and we currently had the top floor in use full to the brim of You Know Who's most dangerous followers that were still living. What's worse they had been kept in solitary confinement with no hope of rehabilitation and whose grip on rationality would be seriously questionable, even more so than it had been before they were captured.

To have them back out and free, with only an extremely depleted auror department to handle it? I could feel the thrum of fear course through me at even the thought. I had to let Beckett know about this in my report even if it was me just being stupidly paranoid and over cautious. I mean I still didn't have any sort of link between CMG and the prison. A few aurors not liking muggle borns just wasn't enough evidence. Also annoyingly since we'd discovered the cottage hideout there hadn't been any more cases of experimental magic at any of the coastal sites at all.

I felt that he had to know he was being watched but how he'd discovered it again I didn't know. If I was being super suspicious I would say there was a mole in our investigations team but I didn't really want to go down that road. I knew that I needed to be suspicious of Proctor and Stent's teams but I rather hoped that Beckett would have all of us in line from his end. I supposed I'd better mention it in the report anyway.

I heaved myself to my feet as I made my way slowly downstairs. Merlin, but I was exhausted. It was a culmination really of my crazy work rota from the last few months combined with an absolute vicious return of my anxiety due to Susan's wedding. I mean logically I knew it was a stupid thing to get anxious over but I was so tired it seemed that no matter what I did I couldn't keep my anxiety down to a manageable level.

Even now at just the thought of it I could feel the creeping dread start to seep over me. There'd been a permanent lump in my midriff all week that had near stopped me eating and even though I was nearly asleep on my feet when I finished my shift, by the time I lay my head down to rest my mind would just kick in and anything I could worry about, I would. I just didn't seem to be able to stop myself.

Ginny had come to my aid on the Wednesday to help me sort through what to wear. As Ernie and Susan were both purebloods it was a bit more traditional so it was definitely dress robes as opposed to a more muggle style of dress. I'd had a pale blue one since I was fifteen and luckily with a few quick charms Ginny was able to refit it for me. What I couldn't ignore though, no matter how often I told myself I was being stupid, was the creeping feeling that I would just look out of place especially by turning up with George. He would want to be the life and soul of the party whereas I would be doing everything I could just to stand there without passing out. I couldn't for the life of me see that it would be anything other than a disaster, or at the very least just a trial for me to get through. And I was just so fed up of it. A wedding was supposed to be a celebration, why did my body have to trick me into thinking it was something to dread instead?

I huffed, angrily this time as I tried to shake those thoughts away. My body was reacting to them again and I felt my head spin slightly even as I sat at the kitchen table to scratch a few more lines into my report. At least by this time tomorrow it would be almost over.

When the time finally came I miserably made my way outside to apparate and walk my way to our surveillance spot. I supposed I was quite lucky really that Hermione hadn't been there that evening, and I flushed with embarrassment as I recalled just why I didn't want to bump into her. Just the day before I had finished my shift very late at night and when I'd crept upstairs I'd heard a strange thump from her room. I had honest to Helga just got to her door to knock and ask if she was okay when I'd hear a moan. And I mean it was a good moan, what's more it was a _man's_ moan. Followed by rhythmic thumping and well…a lot of accompanying noises. I don't think I'd ever back peddled from a room so quickly before. I mean I had been that close to knocking on and opening the door while Hermione was clearly _having sex with Fred Weasley_.

Or well, I hoped that it was Fred. I could feel my skin prickling with my blush even now. Thank God I hadn't opened the door. Merlin just the thought of it I-

"Nice to see you're on time Llewellyn."

I frowned fiercely even as I ducked into the hideout. That wasn't Gilden's voice. It was with a rather minor surge of alarm that I saw I'd be on surveillance duty with Beckett.

"Wow, we really are short staffed aren't we?"

I got an irritated grunt as a reply and I quickly took my seat before fishing out my usual flask of tea and tin of treats, that after I'd taken what I wanted I sent hovering over to Beckett who helped himself without a word.

I hadn't done any work shifts with Beckett since that first week of my phased return back to field work and I wondered if we truly were that short staffed that he was helping out on surveillance, which was a complete waste of his time, or if he was checking up on me. I rather hoped it was the former. Usually if Beckett wanted to check up on me he'd just invite me into his office to lecture me for a while.

As he didn't seem inclined to say anything further I kept myself quiet and curled up in my seat, my eyes trained blearily on the cottage. There was a flicker of a light from one of the windows so we knew it was occupied this evening at least. Or it was a false lead and we were just sat here watching an empty cottage. That was always a depressing possibility.

Now that Beckett was actually here I took my time to consider how best to hand the report over to him. I was still nowhere near finished on the smuggling side of things but my worry over the experimental magic and wards made me think it was better to pass him an interim report now. See Beckett was tricky, and whilst I knew he let me get away with far more than he did some of the other members of staff I still had to be careful of his moods. On a good day he was even fair game for a bit of teasing but that was only if there was no one else around. Given over the last year how much overtime I'd done at my desk that had happened quite a lot. He wasn't a bad boss really, even if he did drive me up the wall sometimes.

I felt a surge of warmth in my pocket that meant George had messaged me. Damn, with Beckett here I couldn't even really chance looking at it. If it was Harry or Ron I'd have simply asked but with your boss it was slightly different. And I wasn't going to be able to check it for bloody hours, this was so annoying. I wonder what he'd sent?

And hour later and clearly having received three further messages I couldn't ignore it any longer and under the guise of getting another cookie out of the tin I hunched my knees up higher as I titled to more of an angle and I slid the notepad out of my pocket. With the way I was sat now Beckett shouldn't be able to see it.

 **[So I've been rejigging my design for your dribble bib.]**

 **[C'mon now Non we both agreed on Wednesday you needed one]**

 **[Ah so it's to be the silent treatment]**

 **[If you do not respond before midnight I will send it to you via special owl mail and it will find you wherever you are]**

My reactions changed from annoyed, to outraged, to amused and the alarmed.

Just because, and I had to fight a creeping blush, when I'd fallen asleep on George I had bloody dribbled in my sleep he'd been making wise arse comments all week about me needing a bib if only to protect his t-shirts. His so call agreement on Wednesday had been no such thing in fact I'd been adamant I would never fall asleep on him again. I did not however want any prototype bib being sent to me so as it was creeping past eleven in the evening I hastily scribbled a reply.

 **[** _ **No bib rekwired. I did**_ _ **not**_ _ **agree. Am in work]**_

I was just about to put the notepad away feeling I'd pushed my luck already when it heated up again in my hands.

 **[I've an emergency bib on its way to you. Wouldn't want you to dribble on a colleague]**

Oh really, what an arse. I scribbled back furiously.

 **[** _ **You're hilarious]**_

 **[Finally you've realised. I mean it is my line of work after all.]**

 **[** _ **What, making products you've been speficially told aren't wanted? Rubish business plan if you ask me]**_

 **[I think someone needs a nap]**

 **[** _ **I think someone is pushing their luck]**_

 **[I think someone will be very happy with the post work breakfast I've prepped ready]**

I paused to purse my lips in thought, my grumpiness quickly disappearing before making a move to reply again.

"If you do not hand that notepad over right this second and start doing your job so help me Llewellyn…"

I froze in my seat. Oh fucking fucking shit. _Shit_.

I fumbled to close the notepad even as I blindly held it out for Beckett to snatch from my hands as I kept my eyes focused dead ahead on the building a feeling of panic combined with a horrible mix of mortification started to swirl in my stomach. How on earth had I just forgotten that I was working? I mean I'd even _told_ George I was in work. Oh god he'd just irritated me so bloody much. Merlin I'd just thought to myself that Beckett might have been checking up on me and what do I do? I was such an idiot.

And what was Beckett going to do with the notepad? He hadn't even needed to finish his threat to me to make me hand it over, Merlin he had sounded furious with me. I still didn't dare look away from the building but I desperately wanted to know what Beckett was doing. I could hear the light scratching of the quill against the notepad.

 _What the fuck was he writing to George?_

I could feel myself starting to overheat with panic but I still couldn't dare move my head. The minutes ticked on, my eyes were starting to hurt with how much effort it was taking not to dart a sneaky glance to my side and then finally I heard him snap the notepad shut.

"I would like a progress update Llewellyn."

What, really? No further reprimands?

"Oh okay, I mean I'm sorry about the notepad I didn't mean to-"

"I don't want to listen to your romantic problems Llewellyn. Update, _now_."

I had to screw my face up not to spit out a reply. _Romantic problems?_ What absolute fucking nonsense.

Still, at least it meant I could broach the topic of my report, and in a way talking it over with Beckett would be a good way to unload my mind and help keep my awake. It didn't take away from the residual surge of panic having been caught sneaking messages in work, nor the churning anxiety at what he'd written to George but it was enough that it helped the shift pass quickly.

Beckett didn't say much as I spoke, just the occasional prompt but usually it was an annoyed grunt of acknowledgement at each point I was making.

"That's enough Llewellyn. I want your write up handed over next week, with a follow up on the smuggling in the next month."

"Do you think I'm on the right track or?"

"Or what?"

I bit my lip before deciding just to go ahead and ask.

"Or am I being paranoid? Seeing things that aren't there?"

It was always a concern of mine. That I overthought and was overly suspicious of everything. It was a trap aurors could fall into and I so badly wanted to avoid it.

"It's our job to think the worst Llewellyn. And more importantly, it's our job to follow the evidence. You're doing that. Stop doubting yourself. Now tell me. Have you a list of candidates for this CMG, as you like to call him?"

I frowned to myself. Guess that was subject closed in the world of Beckett. I mean he hadn't really answered my question, or well he had a bit. God I was getting to that so tired stage I was finding it hard to follow a conversation. Hold on, he'd asked me a question hadn't he?

"I think its Rabastan Lestrange."

"Any particular reason as to why?"

The words came to me slowly. I mean I hadn't really consciously been thinking it was him but as I spoke the more certain I became.

"He is the last senior Death Eater at large. The CMG's signatures are remarkably similar to that of a Death Eater, namely anonymity, recruiting underlings and an abuse of magic. It would make sense for the CMG to be targeting a break in at Azkaban even if it was just to free his brother. And of course he has French links which helps to link everything up with the smuggling."

"No other names?"

"Not really. It could always be someone new, and unknown but I don't feel like it is."

"A hunch is good. But it could also lead you up the garden path. Don't set everything on it being him."

I nodded automatically. He wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know but I wasn't going to argue with him at all for the rest of the shift. Not after I had apparently gotten away with only a mild scolding after so obviously not paying attention.

We only had a couple of hours left and by Helga, they were a struggle. I kept nearly drifting off only for my head to jerk my head upright just as I caught myself from falling asleep. I was worried every time I blinked that they were so slow that on one of them my eyes just wouldn't open again.

Finally, _finally_ it was five in the morning and Beckett and I crept our way outside even as our replacements appeared around a turn in the path. We walked in silence, sort of a companionable silence really until we got to the apparation clearing.

"Er, Beckett? I um, am I able to have my notepad back please?"

He levelled me with a completely unreadable look and I squirmed uncomfortably. I hated it when he did that, normally there was usual some sort of emotion I could read, more commonly annoyance, but now there was nothing, but he did hand it over to be slowly.

"You listen to me carefully Llewellyn. You keep your head in the game. No distractions. We can't afford it. I've warned him, you see that he listens."

 _What does he mean, warned him?!_

Before I could even control my surge of alarm to question him, Beckett had gone.

Oh fucking shit, what the hell had he written? I hastily flipped the pad open but it was blank. I don't know how Beckett had done it but even though the page normally stored the last few messages – there was nothing at all. Panic thrummed through me. Oh shit, I had to get to George. Like right now. Beckett could be an absolute _arse_ , and that was putting it nicely.

I quickly apparated to Diagon Alley before almost jog walking down the street where I slipped in to the side door by the twins' shop and raced up the stairs. It was only as I pounded on the door that I remembered it was only just gone five o'clock in the morning and both George and Fred were likely to be asleep. I couldn't exactly take the knocks on the door back though and I could already hear someone moving down the hall. Bugger.

The door inched open slightly before being flung wide to reveal a very sleepy and dishevelled looking George Weasley, his old grey t-shirt clearly creased from sleep and only half tucked in to his checker pyjama bottoms.

"Are you alright?"

We both blinked at each other stupidly as we'd spoken at the same time, before he grabbed hold of my hand to pull me inside.

"Merlin Non, you're freezing, c'mere."

I hadn't realised I was cold but as George tucked me under his arm as he led me through to the kitchen I couldn't stop a shiver as I realised just how toasty warm he was.

"I'm fine, I didn't notice. God George what did Beckett write to you? He said he'd warned you and I know how much of an arse he can be he mmph"

I tried to glare at George as he put a finger to my lips to silence me but I couldn't get my eyes to focus properly so ended up blinking like an idiot which only annoyed me all the more when he unsuccessfully tried to hide a grin.

"Let me make us a cuppa. And he was fine, no bother. Were you alright though? Thought I'd managed to land you in proper trouble."

George had settled himself to lean with his lower back against the counter edge as he kept one arm looped around me and used his wand to make the tea. I stood with my arms crossed, blinking against the slightly harsh light in the kitchen. When I tried to shrug I could feel myself sway slightly. God I really needed to pass out.

"Nah he was surprisingly fine. Furious at first but…yeah no actual reprimand. That's a bit weird actually…"

I tried to get my brain to work through why that was weird and startled myself as my head hit George's shoulder and I struggled to straighten myself up. Oh man I couldn't fall asleep on him again, not after his stupid bib debacle all week. I gave up trying to hold my cup of tea as my arms felt so wobbly and George frowned slightly even as he started to slurp at his own.

"Hey aren't we going to wake up Fred?"

I probably should have thought of that before we'd started talking normally as everyone knew George wasn't quiet but he just shrugged.

"Nah he's not in."

"Ah he's probably at mine shagging Hermione."

As George nearly spat out his mouthful of tea I started to laugh sleepily so much so I nearly didn't stay upright.

"How'd you know about that?"

You know this should have warned me how tired I was, I didn't even blush when I recounted my Wednesday evening almost encounter not even when George nearly choked on another mouthful of tea he was laughing so much. He plonked the mug down on the kitchen counter before rubbing laughter tears from his eyes and wrapped me in a bear hug.

"Fuck Non, you make me laugh."

I must have made a loud enough sound of muffled complaint that he finally relaxed his hold on me enough I could move my head to draw a breath although I appeared to have lost the strength to lift it from his shoulder even as I tried me hardest to keep my eyes open.

"I need to move George or I'll fall asleep."

"Sleep then."

"No I'll dribble."

"I thought you said you didn't dribble?"

I grunted in annoyance as I closed my eyes to prepare myself for a stupid quibbling match with him. I struggled to lift my head but finally managed to and opened my slightly gummy feeling eyes to see an equally sleepy looking George. Ah shit I forgot I'd just woken him up.

"I don't dribble."

Merlin I felt light headed and I cast a frown around the kitchen. The chair didn't look comfy enough to rest in. I could see it was just gone six and I really-. I froze.

 _Just gone six? Shouldn't it be just gone five?_

I glanced back at George to see a slight wet patch on the shoulder of his t-shirt. Of fucking hell I had dribbled.

"Did I just fall asleep standing up?"

I was jostled slightly as George chuckled and it took me a couple of attempts to disentangle myself from him.

"God sorry George that must have been so uncomfortable."

"I'm not complaining."

"I need to go home and pass out."

I mean I really did. My still however half asleep and very uncharacteristically uncoordinated body was not complying and after I'd managed to walk into the table and two separate chairs before stumbling in to the door frame I heard George tut before an arm started to propel me down the hallway and past the front door.

"I'm not sleeping in your bed."

I was only answered by snort of laughter as George pushed me gently on to the sofa seeming completely heedless that I landed face first. I think I'd have just passed out like that but after a few moments I startled as a heavy weight settled on me and I felt George nudge me in the ribs.

"C'mon budge over, I'm at least going to get a nap in before work, you don't need that much room."

"Yovmed."

I pulled a face at myself even as I tried to shift to my side and attempted to speak again.

"You've got a bed."

"Oh I know, I just need to make sure you don't accidently smother yourself in your sleep."

I'm sure I had a witty retort to that somewhere but exhaustion must have finally gotten to me and I suppose I fell asleep.

I was trying so hard to assemble what looked like an old Roman fort in front of me built out of even sized wooden blocks, but whenever I finished one end I would see that the beginning had all fallen over. Then when I fixed that and looked back at the end, it had also collapsed. I got to my third try when a part of my brain which must still have been somewhat conscious recognised that this was a dream.

["Cariad, you're doing it wrong."]

"[Mami!"]

I gasped in outrage at her words even as my mam calmly walked over and smashed the rest of the blocks to the floor. Firstly it had taken me bloody ages to build this much and secondly she _knew_ I hated getting things wrong.

["You've got to start again. If it didn't work before, try a different way."]

"[How can I possibly build it a different way, they're just blocks Mam, they only fit one way."]

She just smiled maddeningly at me as she settled herself onto a mound of cushions before setting out marking a bundle of music scores. We were outside now and I could have sworn I'd been indoors not a second ago.

I sat with I'll admit a pretty big pout on my head and every now and then I'd scowl up at the sky, who the heck was making so much noise? I could swear there were people talking but there was no one here but me and mam.

"…the shop…open…at work…"

I twirled one of the blocks idly between my fingers as I tried to puzzle it out. How could mam say it could be built a different way?

"…tired she needs to…quiet…not wake…"

"You've gone soft."

That voice had sounded so close that I stood and turned but there was no one there but as a loud laugh sounded I scrunched my face up in annoyance and tried desperately to burrow my face deeper into my pillow.

Wait, my pillow, what? Was I awake? I attempted to move one of my arms but it didn't listen to me and even when I tried to open my eyes they stubbornly stayed shut. Oh Merlin I hated when this happened, when your mind woke up before your body. I knew it didn't last long but it was a horrible feeling.

"Blimey Georgie, I take it back by the looks of it you haven't gone soft at all."

"Oh fuck off Fred."

An answering booming laugh from Fred had me groaning in almost distress as I really did wake up properly now and could finally move, and I tried my hardest to move my hand quickly to cover my ear but it was _so slow_.

["My arms are wool."]

Merlin I felt pitiful and to make matters worse they were trying to move my pillow and I latched on to it desperately.

"Non hey let go."

["Na."]

"Look just sit up for a moment, I need to just pop to the loo, I won't be long."

I felt myself being moved and I braved opening my eyes only to scrunch them back closed as early morning light greeted me.

"Oh c'mon Non, don't look so miserable, it's a beautiful morning!"

I frowned slightly as I realised the voice had changed a bit and this was surely Fred. I risked opening my eyes again only to see him crouched in front of me, one hand on my shoulder to hold me up as he beamed at me. He was so offensively happy I actually issued a noise of disgust and looked away.

["You're so loud."]

"I've no idea what you just said but if it was to confirm that I'm dashingly handsome then yes Non, I completely agree. Oh now come on don't give me such a hang dog look."

I hadn't realised I was but I must have been. I cast around confusedly for my pillow and felt my face crumple when I couldn't see it.

"Oh no, please don't cry. George would moan at me so much and believe me, he's unbearable. Shit please don't, Non what's wrong?"

["I'm just so tired."]

Most of me felt numb but I was so light headed, I felt dreadful. It was like someone had scrunched him a ball of miserable and shoved it right inside me. A loud thump had me looking up to see Fred sprawled on the floor as George knelt in front of me but not before he cast his twin an ugly look. I felt my eyes droop even as Fred decided now would be an appropriate time to shove his twin back.

"Why the hell doesn't she just floo home if she's that tired?"

"You're an idiot Fred, she doesn't have a connection."

"Well just bloody get her connected up to floo then."

I felt a surge of adrenaline as the words filtered slowly into my brain as my heart started to beat furiously.

["You mustn't connect my home to the floo!"]

Oh God they really couldn't. It just wasn't safe. It was how they got in. The Death Eaters when they'd taken over the Ministry, its how they got in and before I could even blink my mam had been killed. They couldn't, I couldn't, I had to never have it connected to my house I just needed to-

"Non look at me."

I struggled to get my tired eyes to focus on George and I all of a sudden became aware that the gasping breathing I could hear was coming from me.

"That's it. Now what's so bad about the floo network?"

["It's not secure. It's not safe."]

My chest felt horribly tight and I was becoming aware that they were both focusing far too intently on me and this time when I blinked the room seemed a little clearer.

"George honestly mate I can't even tell what bloody language she's speaking what's the point of asking her anything?"

A very distant part of my brain was telling me to scowl at Fred but I didn't have the energy to do it.

"Go to work Fred, Verity will need help."

"I bloody know that it's why I came to see where you were."

George point blank decided to ignore his twin as he pushed at me gently until I was lying back down before he slid himself on to the sofa and turned on his side, so that his shoulder hid Fred from my view. As a blanket was pulled over me the last thing I saw was a lopsided smile.

Next time I woke it was much more gradually and I breathed deeply as I tried to piece my morning back together. I vaguely recalled having woken earlier, I was sure Fred had been here at some point but it was all honestly a bit of a blur. Even as I kept my eyes closed I took my time to take stock of where I was exactly.

There was the faint hubbub of noise outside that meant I was still in Diagon Alley. I was half on my side and half on a pillow with a bumpy back cushion behind me that meant I was still on the twins' sofa and given my pillow was softly rising and falling it didn't take much for me to guess I was sleeping on George. I knew I should feel embarrassed about that but given I'd slept on him twice already today I couldn't find the energy to do it, I just felt a bit numb.

There was a slight weight on my head that I couldn't figure out so I cracked my eyes open to be met with a view of mainly grey which was of course George's t-shirt. It would seem that he'd tucked my head under his chin so that I supposed explained the weight.

I lifted my heavy hand slowly so as not to wake him and squinted at my watch. It was a quarter to noon, so just over two hours to go until Susan's wedding started. I felt the lead weight of dread hit my stomach again and I sighed.

It wasn't even like I was having my what if over reactions to what things could go wrong. I'd been to enough social events in the last few months that I was starting to get a good control over that. It was just the realisation I was going to have to plaster on a smile and make happy for _hours_ all the while being faced with memories that I knew would hurt me. I could hardly handle that on a good day, let alone when I was exhausted.

I must have sighed more heavily than I meant to as I felt George stretch, his arm momentarily tightening around me before the slight weight moved from my head.

"Morning."

His voice was a low sleepy rumble.

"Hey."

I mumbled my own reply into his chest, not willing to move.

"You alright?"

I shrugged a response to his question, not even able to bring myself to care that he didn't like shrugs. I felt him move with a heavy sigh before I startled at the feel of fingers in my hair before I reached up to pull his hand away.

"Don't George, it's greasy."

I mean how gross. I normally had to wash my hair every day anyway given how fine it was and I couldn't for the life of my currently remember when was the last time I'd washed it. A prickling embarrassment settled on me and I squirmed to sit up. Merlin what had I been thinking just rocking up so early and then falling asleep on him. Plus I'd kept him from his work.

"Sorry I disturbed you this morning, I really shouldn't have."

"I'm glad you did."

"Yeah well. Still sorry." I twisted myself slightly as I moved to sit up and rubbed at my face tiredly and realised with slight horror that my eyelashes were completely clogged up with sleep. A tweak at my hair had me pause in my rubbing to see that George had moved to sit next to me.

"It's getting long now."

I pulled a face. My hair really was, it was already a good inch longer than I normally liked it.

"I know, it's horrible."

"It's not horrible." George was casting me a very confused look. "But if you don't like it, why don't you cut it?"

"Oh Ginny needs me to grow it for her wedding."

My face fell at that last word as the familiar swoop of dread made itself known and I couldn't stop my hands balling into fists.

"Hey ask me a question, it's your turn."

Another tweak at my hair had me tiredly trying to smile. I suppose it was nice that he was trying to distract me. But what to ask…I suppose there was one thing I wanted to know. It had been a thought that sometimes floated across my mind for well, months now.

"What did you have me down as?" At George's blank expression I rushed to elaborate. "When you served me in the shop, when I bought that toy for Teddy, you said you didn't have me down as an auror. So, what did you think I was?"

"Oh!"

George's moved a hand to try and rub away a big grin that had flitted across his face before he ran it through his hair and shot me a small smile.

"I thought you were a dancer."

I gaped at him completely flummoxed.

"Um, explain."

"There's no need to look quite that baffled Non. It was just how you moved through the crowd of people. It had been the same in the Leaky. It was just…effortless."

I frowned at his words. I mean I _was_ good at moving through a crowd but I figured it was just because I was small. Although I suppose I did have good balance…

"Well as guesses go that's much better than what I normally get. I usually get a secretary or a nanny. Anyway right, I need to go and get ready I guess."

I couldn't exactly put it off forever.

I moved to my feet and paused as my vision blacked over for a moment and I could physically feel the blood rushing to my head.

"You need to eat first, c'mon."

He ignored my protestations and made me a very late breakfast which was an early lunch as I sat at the table nervously chewing on my lip. Apparently the pre prepared breakfast he'd made me was back at my house but he didn't think it would have survived a Fred visit. I struggled to eat it but I did start to feel a bit better once I'd gotten a few mouthfuls in me.

I now had an hour and a half to go and with George saying he'd meet me at mine in an hour I quickly apparated home only to be greeted by a very uncharacteristically busy cottage.

"Non you dirty stop out, where have you been?"

I blinked in alarm as Ginny's beaming face looked out at me from my open doorway as Luna hovered by her side. Damn, I'd forgotten because Harry and Ron couldn't get the time off that they were going to the wedding together and had decided to get ready at mine.

"Oh I passed out on the twins' sofa after work. And hey I'm running late, I'm gonna go shower."

I rushed to finish my sentence as I could see Ginny's eyes start to gleam with mischief and I ignored her squawk of outrage as I raced passed her to barricade myself in the bathroom. My shower however was over all too quickly, in fact time was moving too quickly although I'd admit having the girls here did offer me a nice distraction and it wasn't until George turned up that my nerves came back.

He looked really handsome, his bright turquoise dress robes were fitted perfectly and whilst the colour was a bit bright for my liking they matched his broad grin and slightly tousled flaming hair. In comparison I looked pale, wan and not like anyone who should belong on the arm of George Weasley.

My anxiety had started to churn again ever since George shot me a smile and I wondered just what people would make of us as a pairing at the wedding. Probably they'd be just as baffled as me. I tucked my too long hair behind my ear and bit my lip before I caught Ginny's gaze and the little spark of fire in it had me quickly smoothing my expression. She'd been serious about me not talking myself down in her presence and she appeared to have a canny way of knowing even when I was thinking it.

I tried to distract myself from what felt like impending doom my quietly watching Hermione as she skirted around Fred. For his part his eyes kept tracking her and he had a satisfied grin permanently on his face. Hermione though would occasionally wear a frown, as though she was trying to puzzle something out before a pleasant thought clearly crossed her face and she would smile absently to herself, look guiltily at Fred and then go back to lightly frowning. Huh, now _that_ was interesting…

"Ready to go?"

Adrenaline thrummed through me at George's words.

"I guess."

I completely wasn't. I couldn't remember the last time I'd actively not wanted to do something quite this badly. Maybe that first Weasley family gathering. I blinked at the thought, Merlin that felt like it was years ago already, not just a couple of months.

It didn't take us all long to apparate to the venue. Susan and Ernie were getting married in a church in a tiny magical village called quite simply, The Grove, before we would all head to the grounds at Ernie's parent house for the late afternoon into evening celebrations.

I was dawdling at the back of everyone, taking the time to scowl at my low heeled shoes. It wasn't that they were uncomfortable it's just that I couldn't run in them as well as my normal daps or boots and even though I knew the likelihood of me needing to run was very small…I still didn't like it. I fiddled nervously with the small wand holster I was wearing at my side. I mean that was one good thing about my profession it meant people didn't really question me that I always liked to have it very easily accessible. I mean it was really amongst all the other reasons I liked to have my wand close to me just a habit from my job.

I finally came to a stop when I could see the archway to the church some hundred metres ahead and George near stumbled as he came to a halt beside me. I shook my head before he could even begin to ask me anything as I tried to prepare myself to be sociable. When it was the last thing I wanted to do, I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

About five deep breaths later I nodded to myself before I glanced up at George and tilted my head to indicate I was ready to go on.

"Before we head on in, this is for you."

A small flower on a long stem appeared in his hand. I knew it was from a magical plant as the white petals had a silver shimmering right at their edges although I didn't recognise it and I sniffed at it suspiciously.

"What does it do?"

A crease appeared between his eyes.

"It's a flower Non, it looks and smells pretty."

"It won't squirt something at me or anything?"

I got an eye roll and a tut this time, before I froze in slight alarm as he moved to fix it behind my ear, quickly removing the small hair pin Ginny had put in my hair to keep a section back from my face and he pinned it in place. He'd done it with alarming ease and as I raised my hand to pat at my hair I was relieved to feel it still seemed smooth.

George's eyes looked at the flower for a few seconds longer before his gaze slid to mine.

"It's nearly as pretty as you."

I snorted a laugh of disbelief before I nudged him gently in the ribs with my elbow.

"Er, thanks. C'mon, best get this over and done with."

The ceremony itself actually turned out not to be too bad to get through. As everyone was focused on Susan and Ernie, I didn't need to worry about people staring at me with George and really the ceremony itself was so beautifully done, and Susan and Ernie so sweet just focusing on their happiness made me feel better.

The celebrations afterwards however was a whole other problem. As soon as we arrived there and started heading to the tented area, George as per usual slinging an arm around my shoulder, the stares started.

I mean they weren't blatant, there was always people rushing up to George to greet him and shake his hand and I'd smile and say hello politely but there always seemed to be a pause, a slight confusion would flit over their face before they'd fix me with an obviously forced smile. It wasn't as bad when it was Hufflepuffs that we came across as they at least, or some of them, knew me but it wasn't exactly the most comfortable experience of my life.

A distraction came when Hannah barrelled past me and out of sight with Neville rushing quickly behind her not looking worried in the slightest.

"Well that was weird."

I murmured to George in the lull between people vying for his attention.

"Hmm a witch sprinting out of sight looking decidedly a bit green. Wanna bet she's pregnant?"

I felt my eyebrow shoot up. When he put it like that maybe but…no. This was _Hannah Abbot_ or well Longbottom now that he was talking about. She couldn't keep news as big as that to herself, she would have told us all already.

I explained as much to George but he just snorted a laugh.

"No way, she's pregnant, I bet you."

"Alright."

George scoffed at my outstretched hand.

"Non Non Non, that is _not_ how a bet works. First we must decide terms. I bet you that if I am right, which I obviously am, that you will have to dance every dance with me."

"That is a ridiculous term George if only for the fact that I'm going to have to dance with Ernie for one of them."

I felt a half smile pull at the side of my mouth as George near pursed his lips in annoyance.

"Oh fine, every dance bar one then. Suppose I can't stop him seeing as it's his wedding day."

"That's very charitable of you George."

"Well I thought so. So c'mon what are your terms?"

"Oh none, I'll just be content in the knowledge that I'm right."

George closed his eyes and held a hand up to his chest as though in mild pain.

"I don't even know where to start with that. C'mon Non there must be something that you might want to happen if I lost?"

I shrugged.

"But I _like_ being right. What's better than that?"

A voice sounded then to direct us to start heading towards our seats and George quickly snagged my hand to shake it and agree terms before wagging a disapproving finger in my face.

"Don't think that this isn't something we'll be working on."

I rolled my eyes with a shake of my head before we started to follow the string of people heading into the tent. There was a bit of a wait in line before we could read the table settings and as though Susan and Ernie had suspected this would be the case in the walk up to it there was a huge display of photographs and I realised with dawning horror that I was going to be in some of them. Not only that, a lot of now dead people would be in them too. My small smile became fixed but before I could even move my arm to wrap around my middle as I so badly wanted to George's arm slipped from my shoulders to settle around the small of my back, his hand resting at my waist.

I was too tense to even shrug him away even as my eyes jumped from photograph to photograph desperately trying not to land on one where there was a smiling laughing face of someone I'd never see again. But the difficult thing was that we were a close house in Hufflepuff so if there were any common room pictures from our house parties there of Susan then I was bound to be in them, but so were Chloe and Anna.

It was a weird sensation having your eyes fill with tears but without them falling. My eyes kept tracing over their laughing moving faces, over _our_ laughing moving faces that I felt such a pang of longing for them it nearly stole my breath. How had I managed to cope, to move on without them? In that moment I couldn't understand how I could function without having either of them near.

On the next photograph I really did stop breathing. It was one from my third year. I was at one end, and Justin was at the other and we kept shooting longing looks at each other when the other wasn't looking. My twenty one year old self's eyes were glued to his face. He'd been going through his bit of a chubby stage at that time but his curls and sweet smile were still the same. Damn it. I felt the familiar pull, a small tug from somewhere in my chest that just re-confirmed how much I'd bloody liked him, even loved him.

George had been gently pulling me along with him, being weirdly silent and we had finally reached the last photograph and it took me aback so much I let out a shaky breath and I felt George wrap his other arm around me.

"What's wrong?"

I shivered at the feel of his voice by my ear and I couldn't help a small frown appearing on my face as I took in the sight of my curled up with Justin on the sofa in the common room, with Susan laughing at something Ernie had just said.

"I thought I'd been happy."

I remembered that day really well, and if you had asked me if at that point I had been happy I'd have said yes but looking at my face…there was a small smile but my eyes…I wasn't happy at all. It was such a stark contrast to the earlier photos of me that it was really quite startling and obviously I wasn't going to have been as happy as my naïve younger self but to see myself so…haunted. I'd just never realised it had been so visible before. I thought being with Justin had made me happy, but had I been wrong?

"Oi Non, explain something for me please. Given Hufflepuff never won any bloody thing, how come there's so many pictures from parties?"

I turned slowly to see Lee and Astoria had moved to stand beside us and I pulled a smile on to my face.

"Lee are you trying to tell me that Gryffindors only had parties when they won something?"

"Well yeah of course, when else would we have a party?"

"Oh dear Merlin, do you see what I have to put up with?"

Astoria interjected then with an eye roll and I felt my very fake smile freeze slightly as her gaze fixed for a moment on George's arms around me and I had to fight a blush. He was only doing it to help me and I refused to allow Astoria Greengrass of all people to make me feel embarrassed.

"Non, why not tell this absolute arse of mine how often Hufflepuffs partied?"

"Oh you know, once a month."

"You bloody didn't!"

I titled my head back to take in George's surprised face.

"Yeah we did, Professor Sprout pretty much encouraged them she said it was good for house spirit."

"I can't believe it, McGonagall would never let us."

"Could it be that you were just a _tiny_ bit too disruptive and possibly couldn't be trusted?"

My fake smile managed to slip into a proper smile at George's jokingly outraged expression before I turned back to Lee and Astoria only to see them in a full on snog, tongues on show and all and Lee's hands were firmly holding on to her bum as he pressed up against her.

"Err…"

"Oh bloody hell Jordan are you trying to put me off my dinner?"

I snorted at George's question but grimaced as the kissing pair separated with an audible smack of their lips.

"Sorry mate, not my fault she can't control herself around me."

"Yes that's right, _I'm_ the one that is lacking in self-control. You're an imbecile."

"Course I am but I'm a brilliant shag so…" Lee trailed off with a happy shrug , ignoring Astoria's glare before he moved past us to read the seating arrangements.

"Oh look we're all on the same table and aha! It's the Beater table. C'mon let's get a move on, I'm bloody starved."

In fairness to him, despite the fact he wasn't my favourite person, Lee Jordan had managed to distract me enough that I no longer felt like I was about to fall to pieces and after sending George a small smile we both headed to our seats.

There was only one other major blip for me to sit through and that was the speeches. Ernie bless him got very emotional and he talked about Justin a lot, which inevitably meant he mentioned me. I cannot begin to describe how horrible it is when you can feel a whole group of people turn their head to just _look_ at you all at the same time. I was sure I'd turned cherry red with embarrassment but I kept my eyes fixed on the head table, a smile plastered to my face and finally the evening moved on.

As the band started to play, George's face lit up and he hauled me to my feet.

"Before we start, my dearest friend has a special announcement."

Susan was grinning at Hannah who was stood beaming next to her at the top table. Hold on a moment…

"Right I know it's obviously Susan and Ernie's special day, but I would just like to say now before I really do end up throwing up on someone that well…I'm pregnant. Neville and I are going to have a baby and – oh!"

A look of distress passed her face before she clapped a hand over her mouth and legged it back outside the tent.

I shot George a stunned look.

"Well, bugger."

" _Every_ dance, you shook on it."

"But, but…I'm tired."

So I may have been being childishly whiny and George paid me absolutely no mind as he pulled me on to the dance floor. The first dance was a more traditional magical dance but both Anna and Susan had taught me the more traditional dances so I at least knew what I was doing. We were about three dances in and the dance floor was packed when I saw Hermione making a quick retreat from Fred, her hair nearly all fallen out from her up do as she grasped at a stitch in her side. Fred as with most things, was very overenthusiastic when it came to dancing and he was following after her laughing.

I turned a critical gaze on his twin as really, George wasn't very much better. It was as though he was deliberately trying to make me lose my balance but so far I'd kept my feet even if he did teeter rather alarmingly at times. But then I figured he'd lost an ear, balance was never going to be his strong point. George was beaming at me.

"What?"

I shifted a bit nervously as we waited for the next song to start.

"You bloody _are_ a dancer."

I didn't even get a chance to respond as he quite literally flung me into the next move and I let out a startled laugh. If there was one thing I was going to do this evening it was that I was going to keep my feet, George Weasley be damned.

As the evening wore on I did end up dancing with Ernie once and with a few well placed comments I managed to keep him just talking about Susan so I could avoid any awkward and painful mentions of Justin.

We must have been getting on towards eleven in the evening by this point when George swept me back up on to the dance floor and I pulled a face as a slow sounding song came on.

"Can we sit this one out? It's a yucky romantic one."

"It's a wedding, all the songs have been yucky romantic ones."

I blinked. Huh, perhaps they had been.

"I'm tired though, can we not sit?"

"Nope. We had a deal, but rest your head on my shoulder if you like, I won't tell anyone if you have a snooze."

I rolled my eyes at his wink but let myself get pulled into a dance. I mean fine if he offered I would snooze if I could.

"How come your balance is so good?"

My eyes flickered open at his words as we rotated slowly around the floor.

"Just work I guess, we've got special training for it. You have to spend a whole hour dodging spells without losing your feet so, just that I guess."

I felt George hum.

"Nothing else?"

I breathed in deeply as I thought.

"Um, I dunno. My mam made me do ballet for a bit when I was small, and I did gymnastics before Hogwarts."

"Ballet?"

I lifted my head up to scowl lightly at George's sniggering laugh.

"Don't laugh I hated it. Everything was all horrible and pink."

If I thought that would stop George laughing I was wrong and I pulled back from him with a proper frown.

"Oh c'mon don't be grumpy."

"I'm tired George."

He paused then and I don't know what he saw when he looked at me but he nodded.

"Alright, well Susan and Ernie slipped away during the last dance so I think it's safe enough that we can go too."

"Oh no I didn't mean to make you leave early."

"But you want to go?"

I paused for a moment before nodding because, yes please if Susan and Ernie weren't still here then going home was definitely what I wanted.

"Well then, let's go. Fred's already gone and I do not even want to think where Lee's gotten to so I'm all set too."

I narrowed my eyes slightly in suspicion but he just laughed and began to steer me from the floor. It wasn't long before his antics had me giggling again. I was actually quite amazed at just how drunk the rest of the guests were. I'd only had a couple of gasses of wine with the dinner and the affects had long worn off given how much I'd danced and I couldn't really recall George having drunk that much either.

We'd nearly managed to make our mistake when a rather worse for wear Neville stumbled into our path.

"George! Just wanted to say thanks again mate, for not letting out our secret before we had a chance to say."

My jaw dropped slightly. Hold on a moment did he mean…?

I shot an accusing look at George.

"Why you little…"

"No problem at all Neville!" George spoke loudly to drown my words even as he dragged me back down the path and before I could catch my breath with a crack we'd apparated and appeared in front of my cottage.

"You bloody knew she was pregnant before you made the bet! George? George! I know you can hear me!"

George for his part was humming happily to himself as he twirled me up the path, into the house and into the kitchen.

"Oi stop ignoring me."

"La la la la LAAAAAA, la la laaaaa, LA LA laaaa."

I couldn't help but laugh as he started to spin me on the spot.

"S-stop it George, why would you make that bet to dance every dance with me when you knew you'd win and have to?"

George spun me out along the length of his arm before he spun me back in and I collided with his chest with a thump and I let out a startled laugh as I glanced up at him and I only had a moment to see his bright eyes before I near froze at the feel of his lips on mine.

It was like my whole brain stuttered. George was, George was _kissing_ me. Even as I thought it I knew that this was not supposed to be happen but I couldn't seem to move my limbs to move away. I felt one of George's hands grasp my waist and as his thumb traced along my rib cage I couldn't help but gasp and then…then I was lost.

George deepened the kiss and my brain that had stuttered before seemed to shut itself down from proper conscious thought. I was vaguely aware I was kissing him back but all I could keep thinking was _more_.

 _More, more, more._

A thump at the back of my head had me slamming back into reality and I drew my mouth from his with an embarrassingly loud gasp. I was horrendously aware as my chest heaved for breath that it was plastered to George's. It was with dawning horror I realised I had both my arms wrapped around his neck, one hand tangled in his hair, my back was pressed up against the kitchen wall and I had one leg hitched up around his waist and..and…oh Merlin. Oh sweet Merlin, I could feel George pressed right between my legs and even through the dress robe material he was quite clearly aroused.

 _I can feel George Weasley's erection_.

I flushed red even as my brain struggled to process everything I was feeling. What on earth had happened? Had he meant to kiss me and if he had had he meant a kiss like this to happen? Oh God I'd _flung_ myself at him what the fuck was wrong with me? Why on earth would I ever do that? I - I didn't _want_ to be kissing George Weasley. I'd…I'd lost complete control.

My heart clenched painfully and I became awkwardly aware that George was still pressed against me but wasn't saying anything and I risked a quick glance at his face only to be trapped by his expression. He was…he looked jubilant. That didn't make any sense.

It was only when I tried to lower my leg that I realised one of George's hands was fully clasped against my bum and was helping to hold it in place. As though realising where his hand was he actually started to turn a bit red as he let me go and slowly eased himself away from me although still close enough to cup my face with his hands.

"Non."

God I'd lost complete control, and I mean _complete_ control. I never did that. I _hated_ doing that and I struggled to contain the panic that was bubbling up through my chest. God I never acted like this. The last time was when I'd been so drunk in that stupid nightclub. Even at the mere flicker of that thought I felt mortification flood through me and I tried to gently push George away so I could sidle out from between him and the wall.

"Non, that was, that was…"

 _Amazing._

"Wrong."

I blurted the word out to see George blink confusedly at me, looking like he was still in a slight daze.

"It was _amazing_ Non. I knew, _I knew_ it would be this good."

I gaped at him in shock even as I finally managed to wriggle from between him and the wall but he trailed after me his hand snagging hold of mine. He traced his fingers over the palm of my hand and I shivered, before realising with horror that my gaze kept drifting towards his crotch and I flushed red again even as I tried to hold myself as far away from him as I could. Panic was still pressing on my chest and I…I didn't know what to do. This had come of out completely nowhere and _it shouldn't have happened_.

"It shouldn't…we shouldn't have…that shouldn't have happened George. I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Don't be daft Non I've wanted to do that for months."

I snatched my hand back in shock.

"But you can't have!"

I mean what absolute rubbish was George talking about. He didn't fancy me, _couldn't_ fancy me. I mean I'd thought it all over so carefully before we'd made our agreement. I knew we were both wrong for each other and that friendship was the way forward.

"Non, I kissed you _before_ we knew we were matched remember?"

His lopsided smile only seemed to panic me further and I felt a creeping sense of fear that I'd gotten something badly, badly wrong.

"But we – we're supposed to be friends. Just friends."

" _Just_ friends? Non that's…we were supposed to get to know each other as friends but we're…Non I'm going to be marrying you."

George's smile disappeared completely as I stumbled back a couple of steps at his words and shook my head.

"But you don't fancy me George you can't do. I mean you're you and I – I'm me. It's all wrong."

"I don't think it's wrong at all."

I gaped at him, speechless.

"I'm a bit confused over here Non so help a guy out. You don't kiss like we just did unless you want to."

"Yes you do."

I blurted the words out defensively and his eyes narrowed.

"Who? Who the bloody hell have you kissed like that before Non?"

I flushed with mortification.

"I-I don't know. I was drunk."

"So this kiss is on par for you as a random drunken kiss? That's where you're at, you didn't want to kiss me at all?"

I didn't know how to answer him. I didn't want to hurt him but I was still completely dumbstruck that he'd want to kiss me so I just shook my head.

"You're telling me that you haven't at any stage wanted to kiss me? Not even considered it despite the fact that we're going to be man and wife?"

I think if I hadn't been feeling quite so panicked, quite so uncertain I'd have recognised the warning signs of growing anger in George's voice.

"Well no, I mean I knew you could never like me like that and-"

"I'M NOT A LIAR!"

Whatever words I'd been speaking disappeared as George glared at me, chest heaving.

"How many times do I have to tell you I like you for you to believe me? How many times do I have to tell you that I think you're pretty for you to listen? When I was pressed against you earlier, and I know you felt me, what exactly do you think caused me to get so hard Non? It was you."

Every word he said seemed to pierce me like tiny shards of glass and I glanced away in genuine distress. I'd had no idea, absolutely none.

"Look at me."

It was one of the hardest things to do, to look at a fiercely angry George Weasley.

"I'd appreciate an answer Non. I've done everything you've asked of me, I've gotten to know you as a friend, is it really so strange that we should be moving on to something more?"

I felt a sting of shame mixed up with a bucket load of guilt. When he put it like that it seemed so sensible, just so normal, I mean had I really been being that childish? But I'd told him I couldn't get my head around being married, even know it made me fidget inside my own skin and I'd been so convinced he couldn't like me like that I'd not even considered him in that way.

"I just genuinely never thought that you could want me."

"So what did you think would happen when we had to marry Non, that we'd just stay as friends?"

"Well…yes."

George's snort of disbelief had my skin prickling with embarrassment again.

"And just where did you think we would magic a baby from? Or were you planning on having me as your husband as name only while you fucked someone else?"

A baby? What on earth was he…oh. Oh fucking SHIT.

I could feel the actual blood drain from my face. I'd forgotten. Completely and utterly forgotten that not only was the Ministry forcing me to marry someone but that we'd have to have a baby within a year of marriage.

"I…I forgot about that part."

I felt light headed and wobbled my way to a seat.

"Right, of course you did."

"I honestly did George I-"

" _Honestly_." I flinched at the scorn in his voice. "That's a bit rich coming from you. I thought you were being honest in getting to know me as a friend first before we saw how things went."

"I-I did want to get to know you as a friend."

" _Just friends_. That's what you said earlier. You never had any intention of anything else did you?"

Guilt was slamming into me at the hurt look on George's face but with the guilt came a whack load of defensiveness and I could feel myself start to flare up with panic.

"I've done everything I could to be friends George and-and it's not like you made it easy for me. I mean you try having to spend time with a person who just keeps making you anxious."

"I make you anxious?"

George's face was dangerously blank but I nodded my head stubbornly. I mean he did. Always with his surprise hugs, or never knowing what he was going to do and...and when he…shit and when he…

"That's the biggest load of dragon dung I've ever heard. You've fallen asleep on me, _asleep_ Non, being completely relaxed. I know I make you feel something but its damn well not anxiety."

I gaped at him again. How was he always so sure of himself? He wasn't questioning it, he was stating it like a fact and whatever over defensiveness I wanted to hurl back at him curled up and died on my tongue.

"I just… I genuinely didn't know George. I don't even understand _why_ you'd like me. God this is horrible, it's just like with Percy and-"

"PERCY! What do the fuck do you mean just like with Percy? What have you been snogging him without meaning to too?"

If I'd thought George was angry before I'd been wrong. He was…he was furious and I edged to my feet not liking to be trapped between the chair and table.

"No of course not don't be stupid George I just mean-"

"Oh yes because of course I'm the stupid one here. Not you who seemed to have magically convinced herself that we could life as a married couple, produce a baby and do it all without even a kiss. Right."

I flushed in embarrassment again, and felt the uncomfortable feel of tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. I couldn't remember the last time I had messed up quite this badly.

"I-I just meant I hadn't recognised before that Percy and I were friends. Just like I-I hadn't realised that you, that you liked me?"

I finished on a question but I was honestly still feeling so baffled. I couldn't understand how an evening full of laughs and dancing was ending this way.

"I more than like you Non, I want you. Shall I tell you how much?" He didn't even wait for me to answer before he carried on, each word fierce and interlaced with an underlying simmering anger. "I want to kiss you until we can't breathe, I want to take you to bed where I'd undress you oh so slowly and I'd bury my head between your thighs and Non so help me I would eat you out so well that the only name you'd remember was mine and then we'd fuck. We'd fuck all night and I'd still be screwing you when the sun comes up Non. That's what I want and you…you couldn't look more appalled."

Blood was rushing in my ears and one of my hands was clasped on to the back of a chair to keep me upright as I struggled to process his words. I mean I was appalled a bit, no one had ever spoken to me so explicitly before but worse than that I could feel a surge of heat wash over me before it settled in my face in a constant blush. I couldn't understand that someone like George Weasley could find me desirable.

"Men don't want me George."

"But I do."

I shook my head furiously at his words. I _knew_ men didn't want me, hadn't the Death Eaters proven that? I was forgettable, undesirable, unwanted. The fact that someone as wonderful as George was saying these things not only didn't make sense but even if he did believe them then reality would exert itself at some stage and he was only going to end up disappointed that he was paired with me.

"Am I really so bad, Non?"

I glanced up in alarm unsure if I'd heard George's voice crack with emotion but he looked calm now, even if he was a bit pale.

"It's not you George. I'm just…I'm not good enough for you."

The words left me quietly but I knew they were true. I mean hadn't tonight proved it? Warm, funny and affectionate George was completely too good for the awkward, dysfunctional and broken me.

"How dare you. How _dare_ you."

George hissed the words out at me and I glanced back at him in confusion. He wasn't furious, this was instead a much colder anger and I found it far more frightening.

"There is only one person in this world who gets to decide what or who is good enough for me Non and do you know who that is? _Me._ What right do you think you have to make that decision for me? To take that _choice_ from me?"

I paled at his words and stumbled back. I mean I hadn't meant it that way at all, that I was choosing or deciding for him but even as I opened my mouth to speak he held up a hand to stop me.

"Don't bother Non. I don't think I could face another apology when you don't even know what you're apologising for. Guess I should have known this should happen. I mean, when do I ever get what I want?"

I glanced at him in confusion but he released a bitter laugh before continuing.

"Well I've clearly imposed myself on you far too long, _frightfully_ sorry you've had to put up with my unwanted attentions. Charlie and Alina are arriving tomorrow and we're supposed to be helping out with the wedding preparations, only if _you_ think that's a good idea obviously."

I didn't recognise this unpleasant and hostile George Weasley. It was the complete opposite from what he was normally like but I finally managed to get my legs to work to hurry and follow him as he stalked his way to the front door.

"Wait please, George!"

He did stop but now that he did I found I didn't know what to say. I couldn't say sorry again, he'd made it clear he wouldn't accept that. I tentatively reached out a hand to place on his arm and that seemed all George needed before he cupped my face again, his eyes tracing my face.

"If I kissed you now Non, would you stop me?"

"I-I don't think I could."

Not if I reacted like I had earlier, I rather feared that if George kissed me again I'd forget myself completely even if I couldn't understand why I would. My eyes fell when I saw a twisted, unhappy grimace cross his face and his hand dropped.

"All I want is for you to want me Non, is that too much to ask?"

I couldn't answer him, and he knew it. He gave me one last hurt look before he turned and walked away, before apparating out of sight.

I stood at my front door for a long moment before I turned to make my way upstairs and hide in my room. I was stunned by George's actions and appalled at my own. I had so many competing thoughts and feelings swirling around inside me I didn't even know where to begin. The only thing that was certain, even as I wiped away my first tear and it was quickly followed by more, was that I wasn't going to be getting any sleep that night.

 **A/N:** **I'm sorry this one took me so long but well…I guess you all understand why now you've read it?**

 **Let me know what you thought anyway. The next few chapters may have equally long update times sorry. There's a lot going on with this story now that I need to get right but if I can update sooner I will.**

 **A very warm welcome to my new followers and if you've reviewed – thank you! Especially to one guest reviewer just your words…blew me away. Genuinely amazed and thankful for your comments.**

 **Thank you all for continuing to read this.**

 **Diolch,**

 **Yav**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 22

This had to have been one of the longest nights of my adult life. Every time I thought I'd managed to calm myself down another thought or recollection of George's words would slam back into me sending my mind spiralling but through it all was unmistakeably the undercurrent of _fear_.

I was scared that I'd lost control. It was like I'd almost had a mind blank. I mean my lips were puffy, they felt bruised, it _can't_ have been a short kiss but I couldn't for the life of me recollect all of it. Just snatches of George's fingers gripping my side, the flick of his tongue against mine, the press of his lips, the feel of him and…

I shut the thought down again as I felt the now familiar flush of heat pass over me and settle low in my stomach. I mean this was just embarrassing. I couldn't just go from never having thought about kissing George to now having a bodily response where I clearly fucking well wanted him. I mean Merlin what was wrong with me? I couldn't…I couldn't even remember the last time I'd even _wanted_ to kiss someone, let along the feeling of need I was currently now experiencing.

Oh God I had to stop thinking like this. What had he done to my brain? But that was another thing that was scaring me, that not only was I feeling like this but that I was feeling like this about _George_. It was like I'd thought dozens of times now, how could I go from never having wanted to kiss him to my body reacting like this? Because it really was just my body. I mean my mind didn't feel like it had changed at all. He was still just George, nice and friendly but…yeah just George.

I was still squirming awkwardly away from having to think about marriage even though I knew now it was undoubtedly stupidly, stupidly childish of me. I was going to marry George. I needed to get that thought somehow clear in my mind without wanting to cringe.

I was scared I'd forgotten that we'd have to have a baby. I mean the stupidity of that alone was enough to make me feel sick. How could my mind have forgotten it? I prepared for all worst case scenarios and that right there was one of the worst of the lot and I'd just _blanked_ it. And I mean of course George would start to think about – about having sex. Wasn't that normal?

I rubbed at my face in annoyance as I felt a blush form again. Why couldn't I even think about sex without getting embarrassed? I mean I'd had sex before. Sure not for a while but it was _normal_. Why was I acting now like it wasn't? I mean Lee and Astoria were sleeping with each other, Fred and Hermione were now too, heck even Ron and Luna had kissed and so were obviously well on their way and then poor bloody George was stuck with me. I hadn't even though about a kiss let alone something more yet he had clearly, _clearly_ given it all a lot of thought.

I felt a weird swooping heat pass through me again before I shivered as I recalled his words, about what George had said he wanted to do and I bit my lip. It shouldn't be weird that a grown man would want to have sex with a woman he was going to marry. But that's the thing I _did_ find it weird that he'd want to have sex with me. I mean I found it weird that he even wanted to kiss me.

It was…it was like I'd forgotten that we were adults. It was almost like I'd been stuck viewing George like I had when we were at Hogwarts. He was someone so far above me, some vague far off figure, someone who would never reside in the same sphere as me let alone want to look at me and I just…

I was scared that a part of me was stuck being sixteen.

I was scared that whatever I'd had with Justin had been false.

I was scared that whatever future I was going to have with George that I'd messed it up already.

I felt fresh tears pick at my eyes at that last thought. But what if I was right? What if this was the moment George realised that I was wrong for him? What if I'd blown whatever chance we had at being happy? What if George stopped liking me?

And why did I care?

At some stage during the night my brain had finally seemed to accept that despite all logic and reason pointing to it being unlikely and really a bit unbelievable that George _did_ like me. Or had at least. No one could speak like that and not mean it, no one. And when I thought on it George was honest. I mean not when he was planning a stupid prank but those didn't count. In all the big things he had been truthful.

 _But I haven't been with him_.

Guilt was starting to settle heavily over me and I rolled over to bury my face in my pillow.

I was scared that it had been obvious and that I hadn't seen it. I…I felt like a fool. It had so caught me unawares and when he said he'd been thinking about it for _months_ I just…how could I not have seen it? Or senses something at least? I mean I was really observant for my job for fucks sake, how on earth could I have missed it?

What if I wasn't as good at my job as I thought I was?

What if I could never make things better with George?

I groaned as my mind started to go in circles again, a constant stream of worry and in between the tears, the weird feeling of humiliation mixed in with surges of _want_ I must have fallen into an exhausted sleep . It was a very loud and close sounding roar from a dragon that roused me. It had been close enough that the building itself had trembled slightly.

I sat up groggily and for a blissful moment as I processed the sound I'd managed to forget everything from the night before until it all came crashing back down and I was enveloped by guilt. Merlin I'd really hurt him. I'd properly, properly hurt George and it was the last thing I'd ever wanted to do. I needed to apologise to him but I needed to know _how_ to apologise. He wouldn't accept a simple sorry and that meant I would somehow have to find proper words and Merlin knew I wasn't good at that.

I would also need to meet him at The Burrow and I nearly felt myself quail with fear. My God the Weasley's were going to absolutely hate me when they realised what I'd done, how I'd messed everything up. I mean I'd hurt George, I'd been so stupidly and childishly dense there was no way they were going to think how I'd behaved was okay. Merlin what were they going to say? Would they say anything? Would they just glare at me instead? I swallowed thickly. That was the thing with the Weasley's there were just so many of them and if you upset one you upset them all. Why hadn't I bloody thought about that before?

I crept quietly from my bedroom but after listening for a few seconds I was reassured that I was the only one here and I shuffled to the bathroom to shower. Normally showers were a good way to try and wash my troubles away but I had so many worries this time that it didn't have its normal relaxing effect. With a heavy sigh and wrapped in an oversized towel I trudged back to my bedroom. I still felt as light headed as I had for the most of yesterday and even though I knew I needed to eat even the thought of food made my stomach churn.

My thoughts were still a blur even as I struggled to get dressed and it was with a surprised blink I looked at myself in the mirror to see what I'd put on. Normally I reserved my dungarees for days when I worked in the garden when the weather wasn't great as the pockets were so useful for holding tools as I worked but dungarees had also been pretty much my staple clothing when I was growing up. My mouth nearly quirked into a smile when I realised I had opted for my ultimate comfort and safety clothing until I realised I was still acting like a child. I didn't have the energy to change though and with another sigh I picked up my back, grabbed my wand and made my way outside to apparate to The Burrow.

I stood for a long time at the bottom of the drive to the Weasley's as I tried to get some semblance of control over myself. I'd trembled a lot the night before not just from adrenaline but from the sheer force of the emotions I'd gone through and I hated the fact I still had the slight shakes the following morning. After ten minutes though it wasn't getting better and I sighed again before trudging up to the front door and knocking.

It was only as the seconds dragged on I realised I should have just opened the door and gone in and like I normally did but what if they had thought I was being rude then? What if they thought I was being weird now by not just walking in? I just didn't know how I was supposed to behave. It was like all the certainty I'd managed to build up over the last few months had been swept aside. Had I just been getting everything wrong?

I had to resist turning tail and running when I heard the door start to open but all too soon I saw Mr Weasley's face smiling out at me, his glasses at a slight wonk.

"Ah there you are Non, Molly was wondering if you were going to stop by early enough for breakfast. Come in, come in."

I ducked my head down as I skirted past him awkwardly into the house trying to stop myself over analysing his greeting. Had he been as friendly as normal or not?

I followed the smell of bacon even as my stomach turned until I reached the kitchen where I could see Percy, Audrey, Fleur and Victoire at the table while Bill was helping Mrs Weasley cook.

"Oh morning dear."

I managed to force a smile of response on to my face as Mrs Weasley greeted me and I sat nervously down on one of the spare seats as I said a quiet hello to everyone else. Audrey was looking as queasy as I felt but at least she had a reason. I managed to wave off Mrs Weasley's attempts to feed me and even as I absentmindedly made small talk with Percy a part of me was wondering when George would get here.

"Percy say, do you know when George will get here?"

I honestly don't know where I found the courage to ask.

"Oh he's already here, stomped up to his room about twenty minutes ago although I'm quite surprised he's not emerged now that you're here. What did you two do, have a fight or something?"

My face must have betrayed be because Audrey quite pointedly elbowed her husband in the ribs.

"Don't mind him Non, just you head on up. I'm sure George'll just apologise and all will be well."

I blinked stupidly at Audrey's words. Did this mean George hadn't told anyone that we'd have a fight and that they'd just guessed? God of course he wouldn't have just told them, why on earth had I thought that? And why on earth did she think it was George's fault?

"It's me that has to do the apologising Audrey."

I'd pretty much mumbled the words but even as I ducked my head to tuck my hair behind my ear and stood releasing a heavy sigh I was painfully aware of more than one set of eyes following me as I left the room. They were all just going to be talking about me I knew.

I was so busy staring at my feet as I trudged up the stairs that I nearly crashed into Mr Weasley who was humming to himself on the way down and after flushing with embarrassment at my own clumsiness I finally managed to skirt past him and up the next flight of stairs until I was outside George's old bedroom door. I swallowed heavily before I hesitantly raised my hand to knock.

"I already said I wasn't hungry Dad."

Oh crap he sounded so bloody grumpy. I swallowed again before mustering up as much courage as I could.

"It-It's Non, George. Can I come in?"

The silence dragged on for so many painful seconds I was near convinced he'd never answer me until I startled in surprise as the bedroom door jerked open. I hadn't even heard him move. I risked a glance at his face before I ducked my head again under the weight of his stare. What quick look I'd managed had shown a clenched jaw and frowning eyes.

"Sure, come on in."

It felt like my insides were jumping at every sound of his voice but I managed to take a deep breath before walking through and I tried to ignore how ominous it sounded when the door shut heavily behind him. It wasn't a slam, not quite.

I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room unsure as to what to do with myself as George apparently calmly stood leant with his back against the door, his arms folded and most intimidatingly of all his direct gaze pinned on me.

I managed to hide my fidgeting hands in the front pouch of my dungarees and I took a few moments to try and calm my breathing and try and look at George in a detached way, like I would do as if I was at work to see if that could get me to focus.

He was very tense, I could see that etched right across his body I didn't need the slight tick in his jaw to tell me that but it wasn't anger that seemed to fuel it if anything, and with the defensive pose of his crossed arms, it was like he was trying to shield himself ready for more pain and I bit my lip.

"Are you alright?"

I suppose I deserved the derisive snort that answered me.

"Not particularly Non. Are you?"

"Not at all." I swallowed heavily past the lump in my throat before I braved speaking again. "I'd like to say something George, i-if you'll let me?"

I struggled to look him in the face but I managed it long enough to see him nod his agreement. Clutching my fingers together tightly I took a steadying breath before I looked at him and did my very best to speak.

"I'd like to apologise to you George. For a-a lot of things. I know I warned you that I would find it hard to get my head around the marriage law but it wasn't right that I ducked out of even considering it once we'd agreed to try and be friends. That was childish and stupid of me and I'm sorry."

I swallowed heavily again, my mouth dry as I tried to compose myself to get the rest out.

"It was wrong of me not to be honest in telling you that I was only viewing us as friends, and it was stupid that I never thought far enough down the line as to how this was all actually going to have to play out. I-I really did forget that the law said we have to have a child George and-" I broke off as the lump in my throat grew so tight I knew tears were about to appear. I let out of a shaky breath. "And I genuinely, _genuinely_ never thought you'd like me as anything other than a f-friend. I-I was so surprised by last night and I reacted badly and I'm s-sorry."

I chewed heavily on my lip to stop it trembling as I gazed determinedly at the spot on the door I could see just above George's ear. From my peripheral vision I could see his arms were no longer crossed which I hoped was a good sign. I knew I had one last thing I wanted to say and after another shaky breath I ploughed on.

"And G-George I didn't mean to make a choice for you. I-I would never deliberately do that. I just want so much better for you than I know I can give."

"Do you hate yourself that much?"

I jerked my head up so quickly at his words that my head swam for a moment.

"Do I...what?"

"I'm serious. I've been trying all night to understand why last night would have come as such a surprise to you. Why you would even think that I wouldn't be happy to be paired with a witch like you and I've drawn a blank. I know you aren't always confident Non but this is something else. So, do you?"

I felt as though the floor was falling away from underneath my feet even as my vision blurred with tears.

"I…sometimes."

All the time, but I couldn't say that.

"And why do you think that I couldn't possibly like you as more than a friend?"

I flushed with humiliation. How was I even going to be able to answer that?

"Well I looked at it logically and reasoned th-through it. I mean I'm so quiet, boring and plain George and you're…you're amazing. Everyone likes you and you're stupidly handsome. If it wasn't for this law George I don't think you'd even look at me twice."

I heard George utter a snort of disbelief and I couldn't help the hurt that flashed through me, even as I fought with some inner guilt that I hadn't even dared mentioned how I felt about how we'd both handled the war.

"You seem to love logic and reason Non but you have this extraordinary habit of refusing to look at something that was right in front of you. I liked you already."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"You say that _now_ George but what if-"

I bit my lip to stop myself.

"But what if what?"

I was alarmed to see that George had taken a step away from the door and closer to me and I had to resist the urge to shuffle back a couple of steps.

"What if you only like me now because you have to?"

My lips felt numb even as the words fell from them and I saw a storm of anger gather on his face.

"Do I seriously strike you as a person who will do or think or feel something because they are made to?"

I flushed in embarrassment even as I shook my head. God no of course he wasn't he was _George_ for crying out loud I didn't think anyone could make him do anything he didn't want to.

"I kissed you before we were matched. I said it was better to have something to remember while we were free to choose for ourselves. I _chose_ to kiss you. Non I was bloody well going to chat you up in the pub too if you'd only let me."

"But I didn't…I mean, how was I supposed to know that?"

"I said you're t-shirt was nice and offered you a drink."

"I thought-" I flushed at the memory, "I thought I'd spilled something on my top and that you were teasing me."

George let out such a strangled sound of frustration as he grabbed at his hair that in any other circumstances I'd have been tempted to laugh.

"I said it was nice because I think your t-shirts make your tits look amazing."

My jaw dropped even as I absurdly crossed my arms defensively over my chest and my cheeks felt like they were on fire.

"W-what?"

I'm amazed I could even splutter the word out.

"You've got the most amazing figure I've ever seen. Non I can't help it, you drive me bloody crazy and that you can't even begin to see what I see…I don't understand."

I mean I didn't blame him, I didn't understand how I worked most of the time either. My head was struggling to process his words though and I just blinked stupidly.

"Non I don't…I don't understand how you could kiss me back like that and then claim not to have meant it."

I bit my lip. I didn't understand it either.

"I don't know George I just…my body just took over and it freaked me out so much that I panicked. I mean I don't even fancy you George I've never even considered it. I can't explain it."

I bit my lip again to see him wince at my reply and I realised a bit belatedly that I'd been a bit too blunt.

"How can you not have even considered it, when the Ministry have decreed we're a perfect match?"

It was at least my turn to snort.

"I don't trust the Ministry George. I don't understand how anyone who's lived through the war possibly could. I mean, what if they're wrong?"

"But what if they're right?"

My whole body froze at his words and I shot him a startled look. He'd moved a pace further back from me again which I was grateful for but his eyes were glued to my face. I know I'd thought it before but I had never had anyone look at me as intently as George did. I felt light headed.

"I…I've never thought of it that way."

I mean shit, what if the Ministry _was_ right? I mean Ron and Luna seemed to be getting on really well, hell Fred and Hermione clearly seemed to be working. My what ifs were always disaster and worst case scenarios. It had never crossed my mind that this could be a _good_ thing mainly because I was finding it impossible to deal with a situation where I was having my choice taken from me.

What if George was the right person for me?

I bit my lip and frowned even as I mulled it over and I had to fight a shiver that was trying to break out over me.

"Non could you…could you at least consider it? Consider me?"

From somewhere I managed to find the courage to hesitantly nod and I heard George sigh heavily in response in what I guessed was relief.

"I don't suppose you're going to let me hug you are you?"

I risked a glance to see him wearing a rueful expression and I shook my head before forcing some words out.

"I don't think that would be a good idea. I- I don't want to lead you on George and being honest I'm a b-bit uncomfortable after what you said last night."

I was amazed to see George flush red and shuffle awkwardly on his feet.

"That was…" he cleared his throat uncomfortably before he tried to speak again. "I should never have spoken to you like that. I'm sorry."

I nodded my head in acceptance even while I still held my arms firmly crossed against me. I was glad we'd both managed to sort of apologise and I clearly still had a lot to think about but it was just so damned awkward to be alone in the room with him when I knew what direction his thoughts had been straying to. Truthfully I didn't want to be anywhere near him.

The silence was starting to become painful until it was thankfully interrupted by the sound of Percy bellowing upstairs to tell us that Charlie and Alina had just arrived. There was one further awkward moment as George and I nearly bumped into each other trying to leave his room and it was only extreme skill that stopped me falling down the stairs as I raced to keep distance between us. When I entered the kitchen I immediately made a beeline for the space by Audrey but then flushed in embarrassment as I saw George hesitantly stand by the door. I mean it couldn't be any more obvious that things were not okay between us. Shit, how was I even supposed to know how to act now?

"Hey are you two alright now, oh hey Non, why are you crying?"

I glanced up in alarm at Audrey's whisper, I mean I wasn't crying was I? I froze slightly as I finally registered the feel of tears on my cheek and I frowned in confusion until I heard a laugh that made my heart jerk so violently in my chest I felt the room spin.

 _Dadi_.

 _Dad._

It was - it was my dad. That was his laugh. I choked on air as I struggled to draw a breath and I turned towards the back door of the house that was half open, a cold breeze gusting it open wider. It had been so long, _so long_ since I'd heard it. I'd thought I'd never hear it again.

 _Don't be stupid Non it's not Dad. He's dead._

I stumbled at that thought and vaguely registered a pain in my hip but I was already out of the door, half blinded by tears. Because shit I knew it couldn't be dad but if it wasn't him then there was only one other person whose voice I'd recognise, the accent being just like my dad's and that would be Gruff.

 _Is he really alive?_

I rubbed furiously at my eyes with the sleeve of my top trying to clear my vision. I was half aware of a flash of red that was probably Charlie but my eyes froze on the figure in front of him stood at the bottom of the steps to the Weasley's back porch.

He'd stopped dying his hair black but it was still a much darker brown that mine. He'd grown a short cropped beard but his fair skin and blue eyes were just the same. It was Gruff.

 _He's alive._

I tried to say his name but all that came out was a horribly choked sob. My vision had narrowed and all I could see was him, could see the colour drain from his face even as he raced up the steps towards me.

"Oh Non bach."

It was only three words but they were three I'd never thought I'd hear him say again and I all but flung myself at him as I struggled for breath I was fighting so hard not to sob and failing. My whole body was trembling but for a time all I could do was stand there and cry as Gruff hugged me back. I had so many memories crashing around inside my head that I hadn't recalled in years. The times someone had made me cry and Gruff had made everything better, heck the times _Gruff_ had made me cry before he came up with some stupid idea for an apology. When I'd fallen and cut my knee when I was small, it was a gangling teenager Gruff who made it better. All my life he'd been there, like a brother I suppose even though he wasn't, until he hadn't been.

Until Charlie had mentioned him a couple of months ago I'd forgotten how much it had hurt to miss him and I'd hardly let myself think on it again since. The terror, hurt, anger and then loss that I'd felt after he'd disappeared. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

 _He's alive._

He was here, right here where I was actually touching him yet some part of me was still finding it hard to believe. How could he have been alive all this time and not come and found me? My sobs were finally starting to quieten down enough for me to hear what words he was mumbling into my hair.

["I'm so sorry Non, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Non."]

It was like he was stuck on a loop but each time he said it the less I felt like crying and as my body started to tense I realised with some weird bizarre detachment that I was furious. It was like a slow building anger that I could feel bubbling up inside and each time he said sorry it was like making a mockery of all the hurt he'd put me through. He'd made no attempt to let me know he was okay, nothing. He'd let me suffer, he'd let my _parents_ suffer and seriously all he could say was sorry?

["Sorry?"]

My lips felt numb even as the question left them and I pulled back slightly, only half noting he had tears of his own on his face.

[" _Sorry?"_ ]

I hissed the word this time even as I tried to move back a step but as his arm tried to stop me it felt as natural as anything to draw my hand back and then punch him. I was only disappointed as he stumbled back from me in alarm and down the porch steps that I'd been standing so close I hadn't been able to swing my arm properly. I followed him down the steps.

["Sorry!]"

I shoved him even as he'd scrambled to his feet, his guilty face only making me angrier. He bloody well should be feeling guilty.

["Look Non please, I can explain everything I-"]

["Explain! How the fuck can you explain just upping and fucking off one night and never telling anyone you were alive? How can you explain deliberately not letting people know you were okay? We thought you were DEAD! Do you have _any_ idea what that's like Gruff? We just woke up one morning and you were GONE. No note, nothing just fuck all."]

I gasped for breath after my tirade, I couldn't really remember the last time I'd shouted so much in one go but as Gruff just stood there gaping at me I felt a weird sense of release. Like something had been shut up inside me and finally, _finally_ I could let it out.

[Did you never stop to think that we would worry? That we would be scared? We were fucking _terrified_ Gruffudd, terrified. Mam and Dad I don't think they slept properly for weeks. We all went out looking for you everywhere. Every day we'd think you'd come h-home but you never did. How could you do that to us, do that to them? Gruff they died never knowing you were alive."]

It was an ice cold fury I felt now. The more I thought of it the more despicable, the more unforgivable it was.

["They spent the last year of their life missing you, they died thinking you were already dead, you fucking broke them. I will never forgive you for that, _never_."]

In that moment I truly didn't think I had it in me to ever do it. I was remembering it all now. Mam looked like she'd aged ten years over night. Every time there was a sound near the door she'd leapt from her seat to rush to see if it was him. I knew how she felt. Every time there was a step outside my heart had leapt but it would only be a neighbour, or dad moving around outside and each time came the crushing disappointment, the sickening feeling of loss and we'd settle back down. Until the next noise. They were just never the same. _We_ were never the same. In a way, home had nearly stopped being home and I remember feeling so guiltily relieved when I had been able to return to Hogwarts, to just get away from the emptiness. My parents had had to live it. I just…how could he just do that to people?

["Gruffudd…how could you?"]

I sounded eerily calm even to my own ears but it was like I'd moved to a stage of anger that allowed me to see everything with perfect clarity. It was like a heightened sense of anger. I could take in every single flicker of emotion on his face although guilt was clearly the strongest there was a tiny bit of anger there too and I narrowed my eyes.

["Non you were so young it's hard to explain I just, I had to get away."]

I waited for more, I mean there had to be more of an explanation then that but when nothing was forthcoming I scoffed and turned to stomp my way back up the house. In my tirade we'd moved further down the garden than I'd realised, nearly in line with the big barn structure Mr Weasley had erected for Charlie's wedding and as I glanced up at the rear of the house I could angrily see that we'd gained an audience. I think everyone was there apart from Harry. Just great.

I glared fiercely even as I walked closer. I was in such a foul mood yet I was awfully aware that under my anger was a large wave of tears waiting to swallow me up. I didn't know how long my anger was going to sustain me but I knew I shouldn't wait around to find out. God I was just so sick of it all. That stupid fight with George, the awkward conversation this morning and now having to come face to face with a person who I'd loved so much and now all I wanted to do was punch his stupid fucking face in. It was all too much, there were way too many feelings to process and I knew I needed to get to a place where there were preferably no people.

When I made to walk up the porch so I could leave through the house I was annoyed to see Mrs Weasley had blocked the way and didn't seem inclined to move at all. I ground my teeth in silent annoyance before I managed to speak.

"Excuse me Molly sorry I need to get by please. I'm not in a very good mood so I'm going to go for a walk."

"Yes in a bit dear but just let me remind you that violence is not acceptable in this household do you understand me?"

What the – was she actually trying to tell me off? Oh my God she actually was. I had to bite back a startled and very un-amused laugh. I mean technically she was wrong anyway I hadn't even punched him inside the house yet there was thankfully some rational enough part of me that knew to not say that out loud.

"Right. Sorry. Can I get by now please?"

I didn't sound sorry at all and I saw her nostrils flare. I'm sure Ginny had mentioned once that it was one of her mum's warning signs but I didn't have it in me to care. As if right on cue Mr Weasley came bustling over.

"Well now it seems everything has calmed down now. Are you alright there Non? Say was that Welsh you were speaking?"

I gazed at him incredulously. Calmed down? Seriously, he thought I'd fucking calmed down? Why was no one listening to me when I said I was in a bad mood and had to leave?! And of course it was Welsh, what other bloody language would it have been?

"I didn't know you could speak Welsh Non."

My gaze swivelled to Bill. He was lying I knew he knew that I could, I was sure I'd mentioned it to Aunt Muriel and he had been there. The analytical part of my brain saw that he was assessing me for my response. God what was I, some sort of social experiment for them all to dissect? I didn't trust myself to frame a polite answer. I felt like I was going to explode with rage.

"Of course she speaks Welsh, it's her first language."

I twitched at the sound of Gruff's voice to my right, his rolling accent so familiar yet at the same time utterly alien given how long it had been since I'd heard him. It still horribly reminded me of my dad.

"Aha I knew it! I told you Bill that English was not her first language."

I switched my detached gaze to Fleur now. It had reached the point that I was fighting so hard to stay calm that I simply couldn't let myself react at all.

"No I mean it I knew it, I was right."

Fleur was getting quite animated even as Bill frowned but kept looking at me and I glared right back. So what did they just all talk about me all the time?

"I've got a question." Ginny's voice piped up and my glare snapped to her but she was too busy staring at Gruff to see. "Who on earth are you?"

"I'm Gruffudd. Hasn't Non ever mentioned me?"

I snorted. Ha, like hell I had. Why mention someone I'd thought was dead?

"She's never mentioned you at all."

Luna's light voice cut slightly through my anger, almost like there was an accusation and as my eyes turned to her I felt a flare of resentment at the small accusation I could see there. Seriously what did it matter that I'd never fucking mentioned him?

"Oh."

He sounded sad. _Good_.

"Gruff works with us on the reservation Gin, he's in a band too he'll be doing the music for the wedding."

Oh god that meant he was going to be here for days. I clenched my teeth almost painfully at Charlie's words.

"But he was supposed to be sending a letter on ahead to Non. What the hell happened mate?"

I refused to look at him. I was just glad Charlie sounded annoyed.

"I did write a letter."

"YOU DID NOT!"

I whirled on him to see a stupid smug smirk on his face. Fuck he'd probably said exactly that just to goad me into responding.

"I never said I sent it. So you know _technically_ I did write one."

Merlin it was doing everything I could not to brandish my wand and shoot sparks at his face. Actually I knew a rather nasty pulsating boil hex that would be perfect right about now but even as my hand twitched I heard a small laugh and I scowled in the direction it came from and tried to mask the sting of hurt I felt when I saw that it had come from Hermione.

"Why is that funny?"

Her face seemed to curdle at my question and she flapped a hand nervously.

"Oh it's just, you just use that excuse all the time too Non."

She couldn't look at me.

"No I bloody don't."

"Yes you do."

It was Ron's voice that had interjected and he'd said it so matter of factly and was looking at me with such a flat gaze I couldn't bring myself to argue back. I mean who the fuck cared if I did or not. Gruff the utter fucking arse had been so cowardly he couldn't even write to me.

"Anyway, to answer your question further Gin they grew up together but quite clearly haven't spoken for a while. How about we all have a nice early lunch just to settle down?"

"That's a wonderful idea Charlie of course. And Non dear you didn't have any breakfast, I'm sure you're hungry."

Why yes Mrs Weasley, I'm only completely irate because I'm fucking hangry.

I pressed my lips together to stop myself from saying anything before I swivelled on my heels and marched to the barn area, located the very end seat down one side of a large table and sat. I hoped I was in a foul enough mood that people would just avoid me.

It was only later I realised I'd been completely stupid, that instead of going through the house I could have just walked around the side and left, but I guess that's what anger does to you. It makes you spectacularly thick.

It was with some sort of haze that I saw dishes and plates arrive at the table. I suppose I should have offered to help. I supposed to that I should have been apologising to Charlie and Alina for causing such a scene at the start of a week that was supposed to be just about them. I supposed I should have been explaining to my friends why I'd never mentioned someone from my childhood at all. I supposed a lot of things but I didn't move. I just sat wondering if the weird feeling of quiet rage would leave me.

Once the food was plated up and everyone was sat I kept my gaze on my plate. I knew from the sound of his voice that Gruff had sat himself opposite me but I refused to look up and for once I was glad that I was sat by Ron. His tall figure blocked most of the rest of the table out if I hunched down enough. I was also successfully managing to ignore all conversation until a question from Mrs Weasley pierced my consciousness.

"So Gruffudd dear what was Non like to grow up with? I'm sure you must have lots of stories."

What the fuck. What the actual fuck was she doing?

["Don't you fucking dare."]

I hissed the words at him and felt a sickening twist of anger at the smug smirk he'd plastered on his face. But his eyes were annoyed. Shit he really would. Well you know what fine. Let him. I didn't fucking care anymore.

I turned my concentration back to my food and did my best to ignore him but it was like trying to ignore someone shooting water from their wand directly into my face. With each new story it just slammed into me, setting the nice carefully closed doors in my head rattling, with Gruff's door slamming wide open.

"…so Non had to go to Sunday School every week but of course she insisted on dressing herself, even when she was really small, and one time she forgot to put on her knickers…"

I was so angry I couldn't hold my hand steady enough to keep the food on my fork and I slammed it down to swap it for a spoon and I carried on trying to eat.

"….and I told her they were sweets, but you should have seen her face when she realised they were actual worms…"

I hated every single one of them each time they dared laugh at anything he said.

"…and one Christmas oh Non must have been nearly eight, I had been hungover as hell and she'd woken me so early and I was so annoyed with her I ripped the head off of her favourite stuffed toy, it was a unicorn called oh what , Bobby, Babby maybe no wait perhaps-"

"Bertie."

I snapped the name out, an old childish hurt springing to the surface. God he'd been so spiteful that year and completely ruined my Christmas morning.

"Right yes, Bertie that was it, thank you Non."

Urgh he'd plastered on one of his full dimple showing grins and I came so close to flinging the food from my spoon at him. I inhaled deeply through my nose and turned my attention back to my plate and tried to go back to ignoring him.

I don't know for how much longer it went on, all I knew was that my focus got narrower and narrower and that I felt ridiculously coiled, so tight I felt light headed.

"…and one year one of the local boys, Carwyn I think he was called, God Non absolutely hated him, he teased her all summer what was the nickname again? Oh yeah, he called her Non Tits Non so I-"

I didn't hear the rest. I don't even recall moving but it was with a weirdly satisfying feeling I felt my fist connect with his face and solidly this time. As I made to swing again though something slammed into my side and for a time I fought desperately to try and break free of what or whoever was trying to restrain me. I wanted to hit Gruffudd so hard he'd just piss off back to Romania. Didn't he understand that he wasn't welcome?

"For fuck's sake Llewellyn, calm down."

It was only when my head was pinned to the floor and I was near eating dirt that I could focus on the words. Right, it was Ron. I tried to wiggle free but he had my arms pinned tightly behind me and he was way too heavy for me to shift. I breathed heavily through my nose and was horrified to see that I was crying. God I-I'd completely lost control again. What the hell was happening to me?

"I'm-I'm alright now Ron."

And I was. I mean I felt exhausted, drained and if it wasn't for the large lump of upset sat heavy inside me I don't think I'd be feeling anything at all. I hissed slightly as he released my arms and I let him help me stand up. I'd managed to cut his eyebrow and he'd have a black eye forming soon if he didn't heal it straight away and yet I couldn't even bring myself to feel guilty. I supposed it helped that he was chortling.

"Amazing. Beckett's tried everything for the last three years to get you to lose your tempter properly and he's never succeeded. That guy is only here for about an hour and he's managed to get you to flip your lid twice."

I blinked stupidly for a moment. I hadn't realised Beckett had been trying to do that.

"He's just really annoying."

Understatement of the fucking year right there, well done Non.

"I can see that. If it had been me I'd have lost it by the third story."

I nodded absently but embarrassment was starting to set it now that the worst of my anger had been burnt off. Merlin I'd been acting like such a child. Why hadn't I just left? I didn't owe anything to anyone here to stay. I'd known I was close to losing my temper I should have just removed myself from the situation while I could.

"He uh, he seems to want a word. You want me to tell him to fuck off?"

I managed to pull a small smile on my face. You know Ron wasn't all that bad sometimes.

"Nah it's alright. I'll have to do it sometime so…yeah. Thanks for stopping me from doing anything worse. And uh, sorry about your eye."

He shrugged my words off even as I chewed my lip in worry. God if Ron hadn't have stopped me I really could have hurt Gruff and badly. It was weird to think that Gruff had been the one to teach me how to punch in the first place.

["Can we uh, can we talk now Non, please?"]

I blinked in surprise to see that Ron had indeed left and Gruff was stood awkwardly in front of me, his nose obviously swollen after a quick healing spell. I nodded at him, not trusting myself to speak.

["I tried to put this all in a letter because I knew how hard it would be so bear with me. Do you remember how I was before I…left? How messed up I'd been?"]

I nodded. He'd been awful really, getting drunk all the time, knowing what I knew of life now he'd been clearly depressed, but a naïve fifteen year old only saw that her friend was sad.

["It had gotten worse over the years. Living where we come from Non, it can get really lonely I'm sure you know that and I had so many problems of my own. You know I never knew my mother and you know my relationship with…Mr Jones wasn't great."]

I frowned slightly as I nodded. Gruff never had gotten on with his dad, it's why he'd spent so much time at ours. It was a bit weird to hear him refer to him as Mr Jones though.

["Your parents had always offered me a place to stay. They'd always let me look after you, encouraged it even but Non as we both got older, as the trouble I got you in got worse and worse, did you never think to ask why? I mean you ended up in St Mungo's so many times because of me, did you never find it strange your parents continued to let me look after you?"]

I frowned again. I hadn't thought it weird at all. I mean those had all been accidents anyway, just adventures and funny storied to look back on. I heard Gruff let out a frustrated sigh.

["That last time Non, when we had to use the muggle hospital, I nearly killed you for fucks sake yet still they were going to let me be around you. Non it was fucked up. And so I finally demanded to know why."]

I blinked at him in confusion. I didn't recall too much of my stint in the muggle hospital, but Gruff had disappeared two weeks after it.

["But that had just been an accident Gruff. You never hurt me on purpose."]

He shook his head in agitation.

["You aren't stupid Non, don't act like it. No responsible parent would let a _babysitter_ ", he spat the word out bitterly, "keep looking after their child after one hospital incident let alone several. And your parents were responsible. They fucking adored you."]

When I didn't say anything he let out a frustrated sigh.

["You know Mr Jones always hated me because he knew that he wasn't my real father, you know that right? You know my mother cheated on him? Did you ever wonder who with? Because I did."]

I felt a prickling sensation like panic start to creep up my spine and for the first time since Gruff arrived I felt the coil of anxiety start to unfurl in my chest, I didn't have any anger left to smother it. I didn't think I wanted to hear what might come next.

["Do you remember how you were a miracle baby? That your parents had thought they could never have children but then one day they were blessed with you. Your parents used to look after me when I was small, after my mother had abandoned me, and I always thought they were happy to do it because they couldn't have a family of their own. But it wasn't just that Non. I asked your dad, we had a big fight about it, about why he let me spend so much time with you and he finally admitted it. I'm your brother Non. Not a pretend one, your actual one. The man my mother had an affair with? That was your dad. I mean it all made sense now why Mr Jones hated me so much, and why he absolutely despised your father. I mean he had to have known."]

I...what? What the fuck was this rubbish? Merlin, he was acting like he truly believed it.

["No."]

["What do you mean no? He admitted it to me, as plain as I'm standing here. You can ask Mr Jones, if you don't believe it."]

I shook my head furiously.

["Dad wouldn't have lied. He would have told us. He wouldn't have kept it a secret."]

It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. Gruff had spent so much time at ours he _was_ like family, if we were actual blood relatives it wouldn't have made any sense not to say.

["Non we grew up in a chapel going rural Welsh community were adultery and bastard babies are frowned upon. He never said because he was protecting your mam's reputation. I mean can you imagine what the old crones from the village would have been like? How they'd have treated her for being scorned, for daring to raise the child of another?"]

I swallowed heavily. I mean the older generation _were_ a bit backward like that. Would they have reacted like that back then? It was hard to remember that Gruff was ten years older than me. But it wasn't just that. This simply couldn't be true because…because…

["If you were really my brother Gruff, not my pretend one like I liked to think, then you would never have left me all alone. Never."]

I said it with such certainty. I knew it with every fibre of my being. If I was to consider for one absurd moment that we were actually blood relatives then it made even less sense that he'd never come back home. That he'd never contacted me. I wiped at my face and was annoyed to see I'd started crying again.

["Non the last time I'd been near you I'd nearly got you killed. You were better off without me."]

I gaped at him.

["How could you…how could you think that? I had _nothing_ Gruff. E-everyone died. Even you. I…how could you just decide that for me?"]

The injustice of it all swirled inside me until I felt a sickening punch of self-awareness land in my stomach. Merlin, was this how George had felt yesterday? How unfair it had been that I'd just unanimously decided for both of us how things would be thinking that I knew better? And God, George. Our conversation from this morning felt like a lifetime ago.

["What do you mean everyone died?"]

I only half heard him and I turned away shaking my head. It just didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. Not how I'd acted last night, not George apparently liking me, not Gruff turning up from nowhere, not his story that he was really my brother. None of it. And yet even as I knew none of it made sense one thought kept flashing through my mind.

 _My dad lied to me._

My whole life. Had he? Had he really? No, he-he can't have.

"Ah there you are Llewellyn. What the bloody hell has happened to you?"

I blinked myself back into focus and stared up at the scarred face of Beckett. Wait…what? Had I fainted? Was I dreaming? Why on earth was he here?

"What?"

His tut of annoyance was so realistic I figured he had to be real.

"I'm here to discuss work Llewellyn. Do you recall what that is?"

Oh thank Merlin. Work. Yes. I loved work. Work I could sort through stuff, analyse things, help things to make bloody sense. It was my lifeline and I smiled gratefully at him.

"Oh yes, thank you. What do I need to do?"

It was Beckett's turn to blink stupidly before he shrugged.

"Well look I've just had to bring Potter back, I had an emergency owl from him after Dementors turned up at Azkaban and we need to – "

"Fuck off."

I mean what the hell. I needed things to make sense, not him to make up clear dragon shit stories about Dementors for fucks sake. I let out a strangled yelp as he grabbed one of the straps of my dungarees and dragged me forward to where I could see Harry sat at the table, Ginny and Mrs Weasley hovering worriedly around him. Sweet Helga he looked _terrible_. I don't think I'd ever seen anyone so grey looking before, he had a sheen of sweat on his forehead and it seemed like he was lulling in and out of consciousness. Right okay. Maybe not a dragon shit story.

"Oh."

I didn't think my brain was going to be able to process all of this. This was simply just too much.

"Yes, oh. Now that I have your undivided attention can we please-"

"Does this mean we're finally going to close the prison?"

"What the devil do you mean Llewellyn?"

What did he mean what did I mean? Wasn't it obvious? Throughout everything rattling around in my head I currently only had one clear and solid thought now and I focused on it completely.

"Azkaban. It has to close. It makes us all sick. It's affecting staff numbers," okay I didn't have full proof of that yet but I felt it to be true, right deep down in my bones, "and now there are Dementors. It has to close. There are too many high risk prisoners in there for us to lose control of."

"Lose control? Do you really think that's possible?"

It was Audrey's soft voice that made me realise that I had not been having a quiet conversation with just Beckett but that all of the Weasley's and everyone else was still there. I opened my mouth to answer.

"I think you've said quite enough Llewellyn. Now go get yourself cleaned up, Proctor and Stent are on their way and we have orders for you."

I spluttered in outrage. Firstly at being told to effectively shut up but secondly at the thought of those two arses turning up.

"Okay seriously what the hell is going on? That is completely against protocol. This is a private family gathering if you need to discuss work things you should be calling me into the office."

"It wasn't a request!"

I mean it said a lot for my state of mind that I didn't even flinch when he bellowed at me.

"I gave you a job to do and you're going to bloody well do it. No arguing, no questioning, just do your job and do it well. Do you understand me?"

He'd finished on a hiss but I matched him glare for glare until a small detached part of my brain finally kicked into gear. Before he'd said 'we' have orders for me. But now he was saying 'I' gave you a job. We obviously meant Stent and Proctor, not him. The I was for the job he'd specifically given me.

 _Think of the bigger picture Non_.

I mean this clearly wasn't right, the three of them turning up here, it was actually down right crazy and when I wanted everything to make sense this was all just making it worse. But wasn't that my job? To make it all make sense.

I finally nodded in agreement and took a step back before I tried to run a hand through my hair and it got stuck. Hold on I was…shit I was plastered with food. Oh god of course I must have lunged across the table to punch Gruff. I suppose it was some semblance that I was regaining some aspect of control of my temper that I nearly started to blush.

I just knew I had to focus on something other than what had happened earlier. I mean shit, Dementors at Azkaban was terrible. This must surely be a full on red alert and why…fucking hell actually why hadn't anyone made Harry a hot chocolate?

I'd been in the process of grabbing my bag to head back to the house so I could clean up and change but I paused, unclasped it and _acciod_ a mug and the jar of hot chocolate Beckett had given me the other week which was now two thirds empty.

I grabbed a jug of milk from the table, muttered a quick heating spell before stirring some powder and it into the mug and taking it over to Harry. He looked even worse close up but at least seemed slightly less faint. He couldn't hold the mug himself so I handed it silently to Ginny before I turned to make my way up to the house.

It was amazing really, that I was managing to function at all, even if I couldn't meet anyone's eyes but Beckett's. I couldn't even begin to process how I'd acted today. A part of me knew it was awfully, a part of me knew it was somewhat justified but most of all I focused on Beckett's words to drown out the others that were still trying to burn themselves permanently into my brain.

 _My dad lied to me_.

I shivered as I saw George stood at the top of the porch steps but I simply nodded to him silently as I walked past. I mean really what was my argument with George compared to everything else? I didn't have time for that and I didn't have time for him. I had to get myself ready to act my heart out in front of Stent and Proctor and pretend to be the girlish, giggling stupid Non, and it was only when I shut and locked the bathroom door behind me, closed the lid on the seat of the loo and sat down that I wondered, after everything that had just happened how the fuck was I going to do that?

 **A/N: Hello, welcome to my lovely readers and any new follower. I hope you liked this chatper.**

 **The reviews to the last chapter were brilliant – thank you all so, so much!**

 **Maya – I hope you made it into work okay = )**

 **I was really, really interested by all your different takes on Non and George's argument at the end of the last chapter. I personally am more in agreement with I'm the Galactic Starfish – I thought George was being an absolute arse.**

 **I'd love to know what you all make of this chapter and how Non has responded to everything.**

 **Some word translations:**

 **Bach = small/little**

 **Dadi = Daddy**

 **Gruff is pronounced like the English Griff.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 23

I didn't let myself sit still for long. On shaky legs I made my way over to the bathroom cabinet mirror to assess the damage before I could decide what to do next, and I blanched at my reflection. I was frighteningly pale, so much so that my normally faded freckles were standing out clearly. Even my lips were nearly white.

 _That means you aren't breathing properly._

Right, I knew that, and I took in a few shuddering breaths before I started to breath in through my nose, hold for five seconds, exhale through my mouth. And repeat. My hands slowly started to unclench from the basin and I tried to assess myself again. Now what – what did I need to do next? Beckett had seemed quite harried so I figured, now that I was slightly calmer trying to process everything, that I didn't have long to get ready. I was just so grateful that he had turned up when he did.

 _Work. Just think of work, nothing else._

He was right. I did have a job to do. I'd already been stupid enough to let George distract me once I couldn't allow distractions to happen again.

I pictured myself placing bricks up, one by one to block out the things I couldn't think on right now. I mean I knew I did need to think on it at some stage but I couldn't now. Not just yet. The odd thought would poke through as I quickly prepared to get in the shower but I started to picture it like it was duelling practice. I either had to dodge getting hit, or successfully deflect it.

I set the shower to cold and washed my food caked hair as quickly as I could as icy blasts washed over me, making me gasp. It wasn't pleasant but it did result in my mind finally starting to feel clear from the fog that I'd felt I'd been fighting through at times since last night.

 _It's because you're exhausted._

Yes, of course I was. I still hadn't caught up on my sleep and stress always tired me out. That would make sense why I'd been so overly emotional even given what I'd just learned and-.

I cut the thought off as I switched off the shower and picked up what I hoped was a clean towel to quickly dry myself before I bit my lip. What to wear? My dungarees wouldn't cut it, it didn't fit the persona I'd had to pretend to be recently and I flipped open my bag. I always had an array of clothes in here but what would be suitable…

The only thing I could think of was the outfit I'd worn in my disguised meeting with Rita Skeeter so I supposed that would have to do, although I made sure to charm the black polo sweater to blue to at least make it slightly different. After using my wand to dry my hair I tied it back into a high ponytail with a transfigured pink ribbon. It was very un-me like.

Once I'd dressed I reassessed myself in the mirror. I still looked dreadful and I half thought maybe that was a good thing, maybe it would put George off and I was amazed to see my mouth slightly quirk with amusement. That was a good sign. I rolled my shoulders back with a satisfying crunch. Right first off I needed to put a concealment charm on to cover the dark circles under my eyes. That done, and after hurriedly applying more makeup than I'd normally ever wear, I blinked at the strange face looking back at me.

Fake Non. I was a fake Non. Which was perfect really, I at least looked the part. I held my hands out and was pleased to see they had finally stopped shaking. That was good, it meant I was getting back in control. I also realised that when…when I had been upset that I hadn't used my magic. I hadn't lost myself that much. Maybe I hadn't lost as much control as I'd thought.

I wasn't wholly convinced on the truth of that thought but I clung to its reassuring façade anyway even as I shouldered my bag, placed my wand in my holster and made my downstairs. It was weird to see everyone still sat about although I determinedly didn't look at the far end of the table as I surveyed everything from the kitchen window. I didn't want to risk it.

Instead I set my mind to thinking about work. If I didn't have to focus on my feelings, I thought I'd be okay at least for a little bit. Just how did Dementors get back on Azkaban? Had they maybe always been there? Why would Beckett himself personally bring Harry here? Why were both Stent and Proctor coming here to give us orders when every single bit of Ministry protocol meant it should have been conducted via the auror office? Scrap that, why were Proctor and Stent being allowed to give us orders at all when we weren't on their teams?

That last thought was troubling. I knew there had been a power play going on and it seemed Beckett was losing even more ground and I felt a flare of resentment at that. That wasn't right, Beckett was so good at his job they shouldn't be trying to undermine him. And Merlin bless Beckett, he must have seen at the sight of me that something had gone a bit wrong but he'd known better than to be nice. God if he had I think that might really have tipped me right over and I shivered. I'd thought to myself before that I was like a house of cards, one strong gust of wind from caving in. Maybe I had folded, or a bit, but as I squared my shoulders I felt a bit better. I was on steadier ground. And I wasn't about to let Beckett down.

I could see that Stent and Proctor had arrived and were chatting with Mr Weasley as they were making their way over to the table. Ron was standing but Harry was still sat. God they weren't going to expect him to participate too were they, not after his Dementor encounter? I felt another spark of annoyance at that and clung to it. It wouldn't drain me as much as anger but it gave me an emotion to focus on that wouldn't hurt me more than I already was.

It soon seemed however that they were expecting Harry to join in and as I skipped up next to Ron my Ministry polite smile firmly in place, I just hoped this didn't all take too long. There was only so much time I knew could stand there and actively try not to think about anything else. Harry slowly got to his feet and we ambled over to where all three head aurors were now standing clustered together just far enough away from the table that they'd struggle to hear us. I don't know where Beckett had been but he passed a swift gaze over me before he gave a half nod. That was good, it meant I was doing alright.

When we reached them I managed to place myself a bit behind Harry, more that I was peeking over his shoulder because the stupid Non I was pretending to be wouldn't have thought to stand in the space to the left of Ron but more than that it meant I could loosely bunch a fist in the back of Harry's robes to offer him some sort of stability. It was weird knowing that physically at least Harry was currently in a much worse place than me. Hell perhaps even emotionally too.

Stent and Proctor both cast a critical eye over me and my now vapid smile before directing their words to Harry and Ron. Standard form for them. I was so focused on enthusiastically nodding my head along to what they were saying that I wasn't listening to their words, until a slight movement from Beckett pretending to scratch at his ear made me clue in to listen properly.

"We're having to bring more of the experience staff in to deal with the situation, I'm sure you understand, so that means re-jigging some of the cases. There's been an undercover case planned now for some weeks, due to start a week Wednesday but Higgit and Broom are needed at the prison."

There was a natural pause as Stent finished and I decided it was time for me to make an inane comment.

"Are Dementors really that bad?"

I finished with a high light giggle as though my question had been funny and was pleased to see I got aggravated sighs, and a long irritated look shared between them before Proctor sent me a sickeningly patronising smile.

"Yes. Now, with those two at the prison we need to reallocate the case, the undercover work is a must. So Weasley you and…her will be taking it over. We'll be getting the case notes sent over to you tomorrow. We want you to lead it."

"Oh wow going undercover, won't that be fun Ron!"

I giggled again even as I inwardly grimaced. This was actual fucking madness. Higgit and Broom were undercover specialists. They were pretty much permanently on one job or another and the only times they were ever seen in the office was when they were preparing for their next case. It's why I hardly knew them, I think I'd only spoken to Broom maybe twice in the three years I'd been working. The point was I'd only ever worked one undercover case and that was when I was fresh out of training and being honest it was more of a booster course. Because of my illness I hadn't ever had the opportunity to do another one. I was wholly unqualified.

Ron I was sure had done more than me but he'd never led a case before. Normal procedure was that we had weeks to prepare. You had to now the case in intimate detail to be able to pull off a successful operation, nine days was laughably stupid. We'd be almost guaranteed to fail.

"Thank you for thinking to ask me sirs. It's an honour."

"Not at all Weasley, we know you won't let us down."

I giggled again to cover up the urge to glare. God Stent's smile was sinister, or perhaps I was just paranoid. I think they waffled on about needing closer input from Harry on some matters before Beckett indicated he needed a word with them and gestured for the three of us to leave. Ron issued a grunt at me to follow and I took the opportunity to loop my arm through Harry's to cover up steering him back to the table. I prattled on about undercover work even as we got to the table and Harry sank into the chair as I knew the three of them were still conversing. I'd almost had to resort to doing some stupid playing with my ponytail as I hopped up to sit on the table, my legs swinging, with half an eye on our superiors.

My fake happy expression was starting to hurt my cheeks but I could finally see that they had started to depart but just as I was about to let myself relax there was a cracking noise followed by a squawk and a small delivery owl appeared and Proctor grabbed it from the hair and ripped the note from the poor bird's talons, before he sent it away with a snap of his wand.

"Oh you, Nina!"

Who on earth was Ni- oh fuck they meant me didn't they? Nina, I mean I ask you.

"Oh, yes sir?"

I smiled as I hopped from the table to stand, Ron shuffling over to the side slightly to make space for me.

"We've just been notified they need more staff. You're free to do a couple days at Azkaban aren't you?"

My insides froze, and it was like there was a physical hand squeezing on my heart. Oh fucking hell, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. I felt a hand grip my shoulder.

"Given how little time we have I can't really spare her sir."

Oh thank you Ron, thank you, thank you, thank you.

"Nonsense Weasley it's just two days. Most of that you'll need to come to grips with things yourself before you clue Nina in on what she'll have to do."

Oh shit. Oh shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Oh I uh, I don't think I'll be allowed to sir."

I hoped very much I was managing to hide my panic by putting on a regretful and slightly confused expression. I'm pretty sure I wasn't successful but at least fear was a legitimate response here.

"And why not? If we say you can go you go."

"Oh it's not that sir it's just that I'm not due to work there again until end of November you see. Healers orders. I'd love to help out otherwise."

Lies, lies, I'd bloody hate it.

"Oh that's quite alright Nina that's already been sorted with the healers. Great you can help us out. The next crossing departs in two hours, I'll let them know."

"Oh it has has it? Why that's great sir. You know me, always happy to help."

I was somehow managing to keep smiling, even as Proctor sent me a nasty smirk as he nodded and turned his head and all three of them apparated away.

I was…I was…I couldn't think. Anything I had to think about was going to send me spiralling. I mean I couldn't go and work… _there._ Not after today, not with those…creatures there.

 _Careful Non, careful with your thoughts._

I was vaguely aware I was now sitting although I couldn't tell you how I found a chair. I had to focus on something, something that Proctor had said about...

Well shit. They'd planned it. They couldn't have gone from having 'just found out' with that owl memo to have already cleared it with the healers. The liar. The filthy fucking liar. But why? Why would they want me to go there? Did he…did he know it had been me requesting the auror staffing records? I still bloody well hadn't had them. It was a concerning thought.

Or it could simply be they just wanted to interfere with the preparation time I had with Ron for our as of yet undisclosed undercover mission. Sabotage an already almost impossible task. But why would they be wanting to set me and Ron up for failure? I supposed when I found out the mission I'd have a better idea.

But what about our colleagues left behind, even more short staffed? We were already working around the clock. They'd have to cover even more and we were all near exhaustion as it was. Exhaustion led to mistakes and mistakes in our line of work could lead to getting you killed. I shivered. Was that their plan? I mean Harry would be completely isolated. I glanced at him in concern to see him already looking at me, wearing a worried frown of his own before his eyes slid to Ron. I turned my head to follow his gaze.

Ron looked a sickly grey colour and was staring miserably at the table in front of him.

 _That's right Non, focus on Ron._

I suppose from his point of view it was his first big shot at what sounded an incredibly important mission. I knew Ron had done loads of things that were worthy of praise but he'd nearly always been a second in command. For him to be in charge of something, to clearly have to take ownership of the mission and the results it was a big step. And it was one set up for failure and by looking at his face he knew it.

I could feel panic bubbling up inside me and my heart clenched painfully again and I swallowed heavily trying to think of what I could say to him. I was becoming more aware of other peoples voices and one in particular.

"Chin up Ron, even you won't mess it up I'm sure."

The speaker was perhaps not close enough to see the hurt that flashed through Ron's eyes but I was. Even while I knew they had been trying to rally him up, perhaps even get Ron to feel a spark of resistance I inwardly winced at their use of 'even'. God it was like they didn't know Ron at all.

"Oh shut up Fred."

I realised with some amazement that I didn't need to look up to know it was Fred that had spoken even as I snapped the words out. I blinked in surprise then that I'd spoken at all, I hadn't planned to. Ron shot me a swift glance and I nodded at him.

I felt funny, like I was weirdly light headed but super focused at the same time. I knew I was scared, I could feel my insides churning, my heart still felt like it was trapped in an icy vice but I also felt strangely calm. It was like I'd switched automatically into survival mode. Just deal with things as they came at me, one at a time, and the time to analyse and think over things would come after when I had the time to be weary and weak. That sure as hell couldn't be now.

I was so focused on Ron I nearly missed the figure striding over to us.

"Non, Weasley, Potter we need to talk."

"Who's Non? I thought I was Nina."

I supposed I deserved the slightly filthy look Beckett sent me as he hauled a chair to sit at the head of the table, and he frowned at us. I half raised my hand indicating I wanted to ask a question but I waited for Beckett's nod before I spoke.

"Shouldn't we take this conversation somewhere private?"

I mean if we were discussing work stuff we really probably should.

"This whole family has proved they can be trusted, or are there people here you think shouldn't be?"

Wait did that mean that he…that Gr- that a person wasn't at the table anymore? It took everything I had not to turn my head to look. I shook my head.

"Good. Right you three as you can see, things are afoot. I need you to do as I tell you. I need to be able to rely on you. I need you from now on to ensure that you do everything by the book, absolutely everything. Any chance they think they'll have to get shot of you they'll take it."

I mean I guess Beckett meant getting shot of us as in getting us fired, but a part of me wondered. I mean sending people under prepared on what was a likely dangerous mission didn't seem that they were being particularly mindful about our welfare.

"So I need to know have any of you at all recently done something that wasn't strictly…legal shall we say."

God had I? I mean the Skeeter thing was seriously pushing some boundaries I knew but I still reckoned I had wiggle room on that. Oh shit, I'd broken into the legal department hadn't I? Pretty sure that was going to be frowned upon. As I chanced a glance at Beckett's face I was alarmed to see he was staring directly at me, his face starting to redden as his scars started to stand out more clearly. Oh shit. I attempted an innocent smile but hunkered down in my seat as he leant forward with a pointed finger to job it in the direction of my face.

"No flashing of your dimples Llewellyn. I want you on your best behaviour from now on do you understand me?"

Merlin he really was intimidating when he tried to be, and I nodded my head immediately in agreement. I didn't understand why he was angry at just me, I mean Ron and Harry hadn't answered him…or had they? God maybe I'd missed it. Which wasn't really my fault given all the shit that had- I mean what I was going to- I, fuck, I couldn't not think about everything. I mean fucking hell this was just- it wasn't right. What Stent and Proctor had just pulled was bang out of order. I felt a swirl of injustice fight its way to the surface and I clung to it. It was an emotion I could actually handle.

"Right, I want a plan of action."

Beckett seemed to have composed himself I was glad to see.

"Fuck 'em."

"Llewellyn!"

Okay, right, not all that composed.

"What? I don't mean _literally_ ". Because I mean, ychafi.

"So help me if you swear one more time I will scourgify your mouth quicker than you can blink. Mind. Your. Manners."

There were a number of replies I wanted to say to that, I mean I thought my initial words had been quite mild given what I _could_ have said about them but I managed to swallow them back.

"I just mean, that for the shi- I mean, for what they're trying to pull we shouldn't let them win."

Honestly I thought 'fuck 'em' summarised it far better but I guess that was just me.

"Not let them win? Non, they've fu- er, screwed us over."

"And what Ron, we're just going to let them?"

I had to stop myself from glaring at him, but he looked so defeated already and we hadn't even started. But this wasn't right, this was completely unjust and I wasn't going to stand for it. If this was the only thing that I could focus on that would help me function right now then I was going to hold on to it with everything I had.

"Let's prove them wrong."

Ron stared back at me for a long moment as he considered my words before he finally nodded and held out his hand. I didn't even hesitate before I grabbed it and we shook on it. We had a deal. We'd both try.

"Good." Beckett clapped his hands together happily before he started addressing Harry but no matter how hard I tried to focus I was finding it difficult to and I glanced down at the table top, already feeling a frown on my face.

I mean the issue was just _how_ we were going to prove them wrong. I'd have to go through my stores and books, see just what type of potions I'd need. It would help if I knew the damned case too but with me having to go to Azkaban in just under two hours I'd-

I sucked in a breath. Azkaban. Shit I'd thought it. I mean normally I needed weeks of preparation before I went there to be able to get through a week and that was without Dementors being there. I knew this time it was only two days but I was the worst prepared I'd ever been. _And there were Dementors_. I could feel the panic clawing at my insides and it was a fear so intense my eyes started to burn with unshed tears and I blinked fiercely.

 _Think of something else._

God what, what else could I think of, I was already so miserable and they were going to make me _worse_ and I just, I, there had to be something else and just what could I possibly do that was-.

Moon calfs. I'd always wanted moon calfs. Or was it moon calves? Either way I'd always wanted one. Or even a whole herd. Wouldn't that be nice, I mean I had the big paddock field out the back too that would be perfect for them. Then again the dragons would see them as food so, perhaps not. But that was always another option. If I just, if I just quit, gave it all up, I'd ask Mr Jones if I could work at Ynys Hir.

I felt a nudge on my arm and glanced at Ron in confusion but he just indicated with a nod of his head to Beckett, and I gulped to see him staring at me. Shit, had he asked something?

When the silence stretched on for a few seconds he released an aggravated sigh.

"I wanted to know if you had any questions Llewellyn."

God, did I? I mean I couldn't really think of any unless, well…I mean I _would_ need it.

"Do you have any more hot chocolate?"

"Hot chocolate?"

I couldn't get a read on his tone and I frowned.

"Yeah I mean Harry's probably going to finish the jar off and when I get back from, I mean after, I-I'll need some."

Beckett pinched the bridge of his nose, I supposed in suppressed anger before he finally nodded.

"Fine. I'll be back in about an hour. Don't you dare leave until I get back."

He'd jabbed another finger in my direction for good measure before seeming to remember something and fishing an envelope out of the pocket of his robe he levitated it towards me before he apparated away. I gently grabbed the envelope out of mid-air and couldn't suppress a scoff when I saw how it was addressed.

"How many times do I have to tell him I'm not French?"

I didn't particularly want an answer but honestly it was maddening. Just because my name was Non. I mean it was an actual Welsh name. You'd think English people would be more acquainted with Welsh names or words than French but obviously not. Still, I was curious to know what Morris was writing to me.

 _He'll be there._

It was a weirdly comforting thought. His writing didn't make a whole lot of sense but then again it never did. I was just coming to the end of it when I realised with a jolt that Beckett had actually wanted me to ask a question. Now _that_ was weird he normally hated it. I shrugged the thought aside as I read through Morris' note for a second time. At least it was only short.

A startled shriek jolted me and I felt my heart jump even as adrenaline thrummed through me and I was astonished to see a stunned Hermione trying to support a clearly unconscious Fred who was slumped over her in his seat.

 _What the…_

Pandemonium seemed to erupt around the table as Mr and Mrs Weasley both rushed up to see if Fred was okay but on taking in the situation my eyes had strayed to George and gotten stuck. He was stood up, his chair toppled over behind him and his chest was heaving. He was cradling his right hand in his left but what had trapped me was his face. He was looking right at me and his face was filled with complete and utter anguish. I couldn't breathe, even as my stomach flipped I was aware of that fact. Had he just _knocked out_ his own twin? But why? And what the hell had I done for him to look at me like that?

I was horrified to see his eyes fill with tears before he turned and stormed down the garden. I'd hardly realised I'd tried to get to my feet to follow until a hand on my arm dragged me back down and I glanced at Harry in confusion.

"Non you can't. Not now."

I swallowed heavily. I didn't fully understand him but he looked so serious I didn't know what to say. I mean George wasn't okay, I needed to see if I could help. He looked, I mean he'd looked _devastated_. I couldn't just not go and check and-

"Llewellyn I need you to work."

I felt Ron's words wash over me and I shivered. Of course, work. I couldn't get distracted now, not when I had to leave so soon. And hadn't I just thought to myself earlier I couldn't let George distract me again? I bit my lip, I was completely conflicted. I don't know how long I stared blindly ahead of me until a loud cough from Ron had me startling in my seat.

Right yes, work. If I was to be going, I took a deep breath to prepare myself, to Azkaban for two days I needed to make sure I had something to eat. I tried to ignore the jumps of nerves and fear swirling in my stomach as I pushed back from the table to make for the kitchen. Audrey, Percy and Alina were sat at the kitchen table but I ignored them as I picked up one of the newly washed plates from the sink drainer and started to dish myself up some leftovers. It wasn't a lot but it was better than nothing, and given how queasy I was feeling I'd be doing well to finish it.

When I sat back in my seat I started to mechanically fork food into my mouth even as I pulled the ribbon from my ponytail so I could hide part of my face with my hair. There was movement at the far end of the table and I didn't want to see who was sat there. I frowned to myself as I thought about being away when I hadn't planned for it. I'd need to pop back home first to check on everything, especially my greenhouse but when I mentioned that to Ron he said Luna would do it for me.

I shrugged that thought off then and after finishing with my plate I grabbed my bag to fish out my potions supply box, a notepad of parchment and a battered old quill. I'd only managed to scribble down a few things before a voice disturbed me.

"I've never seen a storage case like that Non, where did you get it from? It's amazing."

It was Bill's voice but I gazed unseeingly at the parchment not daring to look up as my eyes burned with unshed tears again. I didn't want to answer so I just about managed to shrug before placing the quill back ready to write some more.

"It was her father's."

I glared at the now broken quill in my hand and the hole that I'd punctured through the parchment, even as my heart gave a painful jolt. God his stupid voice I- I didn't want to hear it. This wasn't helping me to not think.

I pushed back my chair again and muttered to Ron that I was going to get changed before I hurriedly made my way back into the house, ignoring anyone I happened to walk by until I found myself in Ginny's room. I kept fluctuating between being completely focused to feeling like I was about to spiral out of control and I badly wanted everything to just stop, even though I knew that it couldn't. I'd just managed to _accio_ a bunch of clothes out of my bag so I could choose what to wear when I felt the panic I was trying to bottle away nearly break through again and I covered my face with my hands as I fought not to cry.

God I couldn't do this now, if I gave in now I don't think I'd be able to stop, certainly not before I had to leave. The sound of the door opening made me jump and I grabbed at a jumper pretending to consider it before I glanced around.

"Oh. Hey Gin."

She hardly glanced at my face before she let out a sigh and reached forward to hug me, only to pull back with hurt clearly showing when I flinched away but I couldn't help it.

"Please, please don't be nice."

I'd break. If anyone hugged me, if I let my guard down for just a second I was done for. She stared hard at me this time but it was beyond me to try and guess her thoughts before she nodded.

"Alright. What can I do to help?"

I felt myself wobble slightly before I rubbed a tired hand over my face.

"I-I need to pick what to wear. It needs to be warm."

See the thing with Ginny whilst she could sometimes be a bit over excitable and well forceful she was also able to be incredibly practical when needed. It hadn't taken her five minutes to go through my things, pick out three different sets of outfits and charm them with an interlaced heating charm that she hoped wouldn't wear off.

"Thank you Ginny."

My voice was quiet in the room but she shrugged it off.

"You know I wish I could do more. Although when you get back you're going to have to explain to me why you have pretty much a whole wardrobe of stuff in your bag. Here, wear these boots."

I paused in the middle of shrugging into a jumper to take the boots off her and I pulled a face. They were the most expensive pair I'd ever purchased and they had a permanent heating charm on the inside, for my feet in cold weather they were bliss I just never felt comfortable wearing such expensive things. More fool me for getting them in the first place I guess.

"Thank you for helping Harry."

I blinked dully for a moment before turning my slow gaze to her but Ginny was quite deliberately not looking at me.

"He'd do the same for me."

I glanced down at my watch and felt my heart lurch. Shit, twenty minutes to go.

"I'm just uh, I'm just going to pop to the loo then I'll see you outside."

I grabbed my bag and hurried out of the room without waiting for her reply and sent a silent thanks to Helga that there wasn't anyone in the bathroom already and I locked myself in. Best to have a wee now then need to go on the crossing. I was shivering I realised despite the warm clothing.

 _I'm afraid._

But I knew that. I didn't dare stay in there too long, I didn't want to risk someone coming to find me again and catching me on my own, and when I made my way back outside I was pleased to see that Beckett was back at the table in the barn area, a jar of hot chocolate placed before him. As soon as he saw me he pointed a finger at a seat by Ron and I dutifully sat.

"Right then you two, I've managed to have a chat with Broom and…"

I started to tune him out. I mean this was for Ron's ears more than mine anyway and now that my time to leave was nearly here I couldn't ignore that I was in fact going to have to go to Azkaban. I tapped a nervous rhythm out on my thighs with my fingers, more try and stop myself from twisting my hands together with nerves although I couldn't stop chewing on my lip.

"…so that should help get you up to speed with the trickier parts, and you can – Llewellyn stop swinging on your chair – get access to their stores via Benson if you…"

I jolted forward as I lowered the front legs of the chair. I hadn't really noticed I'd been swinging and I frowned. I'd done so much today that I hadn't been aware of and it just wasn't like me. But then given everything with…with him-.

 _With Gruff_.

I shivered violently at his name but I was amazed that it didn't automatically make me cry. It seemed my fear of Azkaban had muted that part of me, or a bit at least.

"Llewellyn. Llewellyn. Non!"

I blinked and glanced at Beckett.

"Yes?"

"Do you have your memory ready?"

My memory? What the…oh! Oh of course I needed a good memory for my patronus. Because there were going to be dementors. I swallowed heavily as I thought and then latched on to the memory I always used. The day I passed my auror training. I'd never in my life felt more capable or as strong as I had that day and I felt a fierce burst of pride and I clung on to it. I had been strong that day, I knew I could do it.

I glanced back at Beckett and nodded, my mind feeling almost clear.

"Good. Right come get your jar and then be on your way."

I stood and turned to Ron to say something, some words of encouragement perhaps but I couldn't think of anything so I shrugged. He seemed to understand me though.

"See you in a couple of days."

I nodded again before I walked up to Beckett to scoop up the jar of hot chocolate to slip into my bag and I nearly jumped as his hand grabbed my shoulder and I gazed slightly startled up into his scarred face.

"You stick to Morris you understand me."

Well he didn't need to tell me twice, I'd already planned to. I figured if Morris wasn't affected by Azkaban generally, perhaps he's be pretty good at withstanding most of the effects of the dementors too. I nodded my understanding and turned to leave before I froze as a stray thought managed to break through.

 _What if he's gone by the time I get back?_

I mean it's not like it had gone well earlier. What if he thought I didn't want him around? _Did_ I want him around? Would I care if he just left again?

I nearly swayed as I realised that yes I bloody would care and I clenched my jaw as I silently cursed Proctor and Stent and this god awful timing. I hadn't been wanting to think about Gruff or what he'd said but I now realised I wanted the time to process him being here and I didn't have it. I spun back around finally daring to look at the end of the table, my glance nearly bouncing off Gruff when I saw he was still there.

["Gruffudd."]

I saw out of the corner of my eye him sit to attention.

["I'm glad you're not dead."]

I didn't bother to wait for a reply as I turned and speed walked away. If I was never to see him again then I wanted him to know that, regardless of what he'd done and regardless of what shit he'd said earlier. When I was back I could prod at the wounds he'd caused and see if they could be healed, if I could ever actually bring myself to talk to him but what if it was all too late by then? My eyes were blurring again and I silently cursed.

"Non!"

My stomach flipped so violently it was enough to make me stop walking and I clutched a hand to my middle.

 _Oh God, George._

I'd completely forgotten about him. Which was absurd when not an hour ago I'd been so concerned that he'd punched Fred. Merlin how was I supposed to keep up? How was one person's brain supposed to deal with all of this? I tried to steel myself as I turned around to face him.

He was hurrying over to me where I'd reached a point not far from the front of the Weasley's house. It was, I noted absently, not far from where he normally walked me to to say goodbye. His eyes looked fever bright.

"Non I need you to promise me something."

His arms hung loosely by his sides but I eyed them wearily worried he was going to spring a hug on me.

"What-what is it? I don't have long George I've got to go."

My lips felt numb.

"I know that just please promise, when you finish your shift that you come straight back here? Don't go back to yours, come straight here. Please?"

I didn't want to look at his face but I couldn't help myself. Worry and something that looked like misery but I didn't think it was, was etched in the lines of his face and I hated it. George should never look like that.

"I promise."

The transformation was instant as relief flooded his features but I should have known better by now than to let him get within an arms-reach of me. He pulled me into a hug.

I scrunched my face up feeling almost in pain as I tried to fight the wave of emotions trying to crash over me as his arms wrapped tightly around me. Because Merlin he felt good and I fucking needed this. I needed this hug. I needed to collapse into him, bury my head into his shoulder and cry my heart out because I knew George would let me. But I couldn't.

"Non please ,who is he?"

I managed to tear myself away at his words and before I could fully take in his startled and hurt face I'd already taken my wand out, and I apparated.

The freezing Scottish air greeted me along with icy cold rain and I took a shuddering, gasping breath even as I fell to me knees with a sob.

Oh God I couldn't do this.

 _You have to_.

I don't know how I managed to get back to my feet, I don't even know how I managed to find my way to the rickety dock to get into the boat to carry me to Azkaban. All I knew was that I cried every step of the way. Because even while I'd felt I hated Gruff earlier I knew that was a lie. I loved him. I loved him so much it physically fucking hurt and if what he had said was true then…

I choked on another sob even as I stumbled into the boat, ignoring the startled glance of the oarsman.

 _My dadi's a liar._

* * *

I gazed numbly at the spot where she'd been as though expecting she would just reappear again.

 _What have I done?_

I'd only meant to ask Non to come back here I hadn't meant to mention that guy at all but I couldn't help it. I'd had jealousy churning inside since last night and even when I knew it was stupid I hadn't been able to stop myself. It was maddening I couldn't even understand what it was they'd discussed and the way she had just totally blanked him…

But she'd blanked me too. And she'd at least said something to him before leaving, but she'd ignored me. That hurt. That hurt almost as much as when she said I'd made her feel anxious.

"Weasley!"

I spun in annoyance at the anger in the voice that was approaching me. It had been quite something to finally see what Non's boss looked like. No wonder she didn't seem to have a problem with my scar, given the lattice work of scars on his face.

"What did you do?"

"I made her promise to come back here after her shift."

"Good. What else? I can see it in your face boy."

I clenched my jaw as I felt guilt trickle down my spine. For once I didn't have any words.

"Did you upset her?"

I managed just one curt not and he cursed.

"I _warned_ you. I bloody warned you. Don't distract her. Don't tip her off balance. What was so important you couldn't just wait two days?"

I winced. Shit he was right. I _knew_ he was right and I'd, fuck I'd upset her just as she had to go to a place that for her would be hell on earth. And I had no way of going to her, no way of fixing things, of making it better. I couldn't help her, that was the worst thing although I doubted after our morning conversation she'd even let me. Even when I'd tried to hug her she'd resisted me.

 _I've fucked up_.

Charlie's voice called out for Beckett to head back to help Ron with something and I scuffed my shoe on the floor as I watched him trudge closer.

"George, fuck, come here."

He crushed me into a hug. The one good thing about Charlie being away so much was that when he was home he could see through all the shit we normally tried to hide. I let out a ragged breath and felt my eyes tear up. Shit I think I'd nearly cried more today than I had for years.

"Charlie I've fucked up."

My voice was muffled into his shoulder a bit and he pulled back to frown at me.

"That's not like you George."

I stepped back to rub a tired hand over my face.

"It had all been going so well Charlie until last night but it's just, how can things go so wrong? And now I _know_ who she is I just…"

I didn't know what to say. I'd finally figured it out and to see Fred just sat there grinning at me, like he'd known all along I'd just snapped. I mean he _knew_ , he knew how important it had been to me, he knew that better than anyone he always did. I could feel my anger start to spike again.

"What do you mean, know who she is?"

"Do you remember I met a French girl? After Ginny won the league?"

"Ah yeah the bird Fred had to stop you actually shagging on the dance floor that you mooned over for well…until you met Non."

I could feel my face twist.

"Yeah. I never knew why I thought she was French, I'd been that pissed, I just woke up in the morning convinced that she was and then I never found her again. Charlie, what if she wasn't?"

"What do you mean, wait, you don't think?"

He was looking at me with wide eyes.

"You heard her. 'Why does everyone always think I'm French?' and she said the other week she'd been at the Harpies game although I hadn't remembered seeing her. But I knew in the Leaky she seemed familiar and we kissed last night Charlie and it was just the same, no it was _better_. It has to have been her."

God how had I not seen it before? No wonder Fred had been laughing at me. I'd have been laughing at him too if the roles had been reversed.

 _I'm an idiot. An actual idiot._

"Wait, you kissed?"

I nodded.

"Then why the hell do you look so miserable? You've been wanting to kiss her for months."

"It was amazing Charlie but she, she freaked out a bit."

A bit? I cringed. A lot. I still couldn't understand it. I could still half feel her pressed against me, her hand tangled in my hair as she tried to get closer and she was _so_ fucking responsive. I'd never meant it to be a kiss like that. I'd only meant a quick one, just to test the waters, to at least try and tell her how I was starting to feel but she'd quite clearly kissed me senseless. It was only now I was starting to get a grip of myself and basically stop thinking with my dick.

I'd wanted her for months, by now my morning wank was down to a routine but I wasn't some bloody mindless teenager that couldn't control himself. I knew she wasn't ready for anything like that but…she'd kissed me like she was. I grabbed at my hair in frustration.

Hell I'd been planning everything so carefully, every time I got even a tiny step closer to her had felt like a victory and Merlin it had been working. She'd finally been starting to trust me, she'd even let me wrap my arms around her properly last night at the wedding but I'd be lucky if she'd ever really let me near her now. Everything I learnt about her was everything I had ever wanted.

I wanted a home, I wanted a _life_ outside my job, I wanted a family. When that stupid law had been announced I'd been as pissed off as everyone else but when I'd seen her name…I'd been happy. And as I'd gotten to know her, even just a bit, I _knew_ she was right for me.

I really had fucked everything up.

"Look, George-"

"Who is he Charlie? What is he to her?"

I needed to know.

"Look he's…" Charlie sighed before trying again. "He's always told us he was her brother and yes I know, she says doesn't have one. That's what she told me and Alina a couple of months back. But he's adamant he is George. I mean the shit was supposed to warn her he was coming. I fucked up there, I'm sorry."

I shook my head. Her brother? But Non didn't have any family left. Then again given how Non had acted today there seemed to be a lot of things she'd been hiding. Did I really know her at all?

"C'mon George lets head back, although maybe leave off punching anyone else. I think Mum's going to go bananas if there's any more violence."

"He knew Charlie. He knew who she was and he didn't tell me."

I'd seen the unasked question on his face, I mean it wasn't exactly normal of me to punch Fred. I mean we never argued not properly, or we hadn't until after the war. Things had never been the same.

Charlie clapped me on the back and as we made our way back to the garden I slid into a seat between him and dad. Fred was opposite me but was quite pointedly ignoring me but I didn't mind. He shouldn't have kept it from me.

"Right well I think I speak for everyone here when I ask you for an explanation Gruff. Gin asked the right question earlier and Charlie's answer didn't really clear it up. Who are you?"

I couldn't even find it in myself to be really angry with the figure sat at the end of the table when he glanced up at dad's question. I was jealous, most definitely, but I was so worried about Non that hardly seemed to matter anymore. And maybe, just maybe he could shed some light on to what happened to her.

"It's not easy to explain."

"Try."

It was one word but Ginny had still managed to lace it with fury and I could see Gruff wince as he rubbed a hand over his face.

"I've known Non since she was born. I'm from Ynys Hir, I was born on the dragon reservation. I never knew my mother, and it was left to Mr Jones to raise me."

His face had twisted, but whatever emotions he was feeling they passed to quickly over his face for me to read.

"There was a local couple, a wizard with a muggle wife, that occasionally looked after me. Normally of an evening or on the weekend. They were called Mr and Mrs Llewellyn. I always thought they offered to help, because they couldn't have children of their own but when I was nearly ten that changed. Mali – Mrs Llewellyn – got pregnant."

He took a pause to drink and it was so quiet you could even hear the gnomes chattering away at the bottom of the garden. Just where was he going with this?

"I was jealous. I thought that when the baby came Mr and Mrs Llewellyn wouldn't want to look after me anymore but then Non was born and - and I've never loved anything more in my entire life. And she – she adored me. Do you have any idea what it's like to go through your life with no one loving you until all of a sudden there's one person who did? Non didn't just tolerate me, or look after me for a favour – she loved me."

"What happened?"

Luna's soft voice seemed to nearly make this Gruff cry and he rubbed at his face roughly.

"It was fine when I was at Hogwarts, it meant I could spend my time either at school or the Llewellyn's where I'd help look after Non. Things only started to go really wrong once I'd graduated. I couldn't afford to move so I had to stay at Ynys Hir and the months Non was away at school were…hard. I mean I liked working with the dragons but…life can be difficult there, the weather's always shit and sometimes you don't see a friendly face for days. I got into all sorts of trouble, I started a band just to try and get away, and I think one year I just shagged my way around all of the local villages. Lonely farmers' wives were always grateful."

I risked a glance at mum's face at that and had an absurd urge to snigger. She looked horrified.

"What do you mean by trouble?"

Uh oh, she now had that narrowed eyes nostril flaring look.

"Petty crime really, I'd steal a bit, deal a bit in drugs, anything to get some extra money to help with the band. I saw it as my ticket out of there, stupid really."

"But Non didn't know anything of it?"

"Of course she did. I used to get her to stand as look out for me before she cottoned on to what I was doing. She's always had the better moral compass. Point is Mrs Weasley is that I was bad news, I was reckless and the older we got the more times I got her hurt."

"Hurt? What do you mean?"

Hermione sounded startled but I was glad she'd asked the question, I think I preferred it that everyone was doing the questioning for me.

"God where to start. One time, I think I was nineteen so Non must have been about nine, I tried to get her over her fear of flying on a broomstick. I had it all planned out, I took her over one of the lakes but I forgot to keep a proper grip on her and she fell off. She had two days in a coma in St Mungo's for that one. Lacerated spleen and a few broken bones I think she had. Oh and then another time I'd brought her with me to a gig but then gotten so drunk I couldn't apparate us home so I stole a car to drive. I crashed it obviously. She only broke her wrist that time at least, she was twelve."

"Fuck Gruff you never mentioned any of that before."

Charlie was looking stunned. I think we all were.

"The worst one was when she was fifteen. We'd been playing a gig in Aberystwyth and I'd managed to persuade Non to do backing vocals for us. I got absolutely pissed and towards the end I knocked her off the stage and she went crashing through some empty pint glasses. She ended up with a massive shard of glass puncturing her lung. We had to take her to the muggle hospital for that one. She nearly died, the doctors said something about a clot."

I could see Gruff was nearly deathly pale, he clearly hated recalling it and I couldn't understand why he was telling us all of this.

"What on earth were her parents doing letting you look after her?"

I glanced in surprise at Percy, but he was busy polishing his glasses to try and hide his fury even as I saw Audrey place a hand on his arm and I nearly laughed at the flare of jealousy I felt. God, now really wasn't the time.

 _Get a grip George. You should be asking these things._

"I used to ask myself that a lot, but I was never brave enough to ask but that last time was too much so I did. And Geraint – Mr Llewellyn- he finally told me. He said he was my father. That they'd never said so as to protect Mali. It was why Mr Jones had always hated me. That – that messed me up quite a bit. I-I hadn't been great anyway but it tipped me right over so I left."

"Left? How do you mean left?"

"I just…left. I travelled for a bit the first year but to be completely honest I was so fucked up I don't remember a lot of it. I somehow found myself in Romania and I've been there ever since."

"And you told them? I mean they knew where you were?"

I squirmed slightly at how panicked mum's questions were but I couldn't take my eyes off Gruff.

"No. I figured they'd all have been better off without me."

"You didn't-you didn't even leave them a note?"

"Didn't you listen to me? I nearly killed her Mrs Weasley, and she would have tried to find me."

"Did you know her parents are dead?"

Harry's question seemed to be the first one to truly rock him but I could hardly take it in. So this guy, who was pretty much raising her like her brother, who then turned out _was_ her brother had nearly killed her and then just run away. Was today the first time she'd seen him since then?

 _Oh Non._

Merlin no wonder she'd cried, no wonder she'd then screamed at him.

"I looked for their names after the war in those lists they had and I saw Non lived."

"And you…you didn't come back for her?" I glanced in alarm at Audrey, I'd never heard her speak like that. "She had – she had _nothing_. And you – you abandoned her! No don't tell me to calm down Percy! Think of what he's done to her. You said it that she loved you and then you left without telling her she must have been out of her mind with worry and then when she had _nothing_ I mean literally fucking nothing and you just abandoned her all over again!"

Audrey was crying. Scrap that so was Hermione and mum.

"God no wonder she punched you."

I winced at the look on Ginny's face. There was a bat bogey hex incoming at some point I was sure.

 _Why aren't I angry?_

I didn't know why I wasn't. I wasn't jealous any more that was for sure I was just…worried. I couldn't feel anything beyond that. I didn't even feel like I could move. My eyes tracked Ron as he slowly got to his feet, a scowl starting to form on his face.

"So let me get this straight when she saw you earlier, that was the first time she'd seen you since she was fifteen? And she pretty much must have thought you were dead?"

Gruff nodded with a wince.

"And your second conversation, after I stopped her kicking the crap out of you, what did you tell her?"

"The truth."

Ron let out a string of curses before he turned and stormed off and this time I felt fear settle into my gut, and I buried my head in my hands.

When Non had really needed me, really truly needed all of us what the hell had we done to help her? Nothing. I mean how was anyone supposed to process something like this let alone Non who now had to place herself in an environment that, and it was putting it mildly, didn't bloody well agree with her.

 _And there are dementors_.

Fuck. Just…fuck.

"I have a question of my own."

I glanced up when no one responded to Gruff. Charlie and Alina sounded like they were in the kitchen trying to calm down Audrey and Percy, Ron of course had gone but everyone else was just silent. They seemed stunned.

"What is it?"

My voice sounded gravelly to my own ears and I cleared my throat.

"What the hell happened to her during the war?"

Well, it was a good question. It's not like I hadn't wondered it myself. There were so many times I'd wanted to ask but Non was so closed off about things I knew I couldn't just outright ask her. I'd been trying to piece bits together like how she restricted access to her home and then yesterday morning when she'd been terrified at the thought of getting it connected to the floo network. Something had obviously happened, but I didn't want to force her to tell me. I figured the girls would all answer though and I glanced at them in confusion when they didn't. In fact, they looked baffled.

"Don't any of you know?"

God why weren't they answering.

"Gin?"

I felt dad place a warning hand on my arm and I took a deep breath.

"I thought she'd told Luna or Hermione I-" my face twisted as I heard her voice catch, I hated it when Ginny got tearful and I cursed myself for speaking to sharply but seriously, how could none of them know?

"Didn't any of you ever ask?"

"Okay don't you get angry at us when you're the one who disappeared and left her."

I winced on Ginny's behalf because she'd tried for anger but her voice had wobbled so badly.

"I think she told Justin."

Hermione's voice sounded thick, like she was also trying not to cry again but a derisive snort from Gruff had me turning my gaze back to him.

"Typical, should have known. How come she hasn't married him already? That was always her plan."

I felt sick.

"He's dead."

"Oh. I – I didn't know. Ah shit. Well, surely she's told Chloe and Anna. Where are they anyway?"

Merlin he didn't know.

"They're dead too. Anna was murdered by Voldemort and Chloe died at Azkaban."

I don't know if it was the contrast between Luna's light and soft voice and the message she was conveying but disbelief seemed to shine clear on Gruff's face, until I swear it physically crumpled.

"Everyone's dead. That's what she said to me. I didn't – I didn't know."

He looked appalled and I hoped it was at himself.

"You're here now."

I think we all startled at Harry's voice. He'd hardly spoken since he'd arrived back from the prison and I'd been jealous when Non had tried to help him, god even the sight of her arm looped through his had near driven me crazy and I shook my head at the absurdity of it all. The fact that she had been trying to process everything that Gruff had just told her but she'd still been able to try and look after Harry…she was amazing. She was amazing and good and fucking _perfect_ and none of us deserved her.

"She might need you when she gets back. You can start making up to her then."

I felt another absurd stab of jealousy puncture through my worry. I didn't want Non to need Gruff I wanted her to need me. God, I was selfish. I rubbed a tired hand over my face again. I couldn't get the idea of Non being alone with just dementors for company out of my head.

The early evening sort of broke up then. Fred and Hermione disappeared first, followed by Harry and Ginny. I needed to talk with Fred, I think a part of me knew I was so angry with him because I was so angry at myself. I should have figured out who Non was so much sooner. Fuck I was an idiot.

"Oh Georgie I'm sorry."

I glanced up startled at mum's voice. My neck cracked as well, god how long had I been sat here?

"What do you mean mum?"

"I let her down earlier dear."

I couldn't fight the frown on my face.

"We all have. I – I need to head back to the shop."

I didn't particularly feel like arguing with mum. I knew why she'd been awkward with Non earlier, it was because I'd been upset but I'd been angry with her then and I didn't want to get angry again with her now.

When I let myself back into the flat it was silent. So no Fred. I grimaced. That was not going to be a pretty conversation. I flopped down on to the couch before I could stop myself I grabbed the discarded blanket from the morning before and breathed it in. It smelled like her. God this was pathetic. _I_ was pathetic.

I moved to lie on my back and tucked the blanket under my chin. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't angry and all I wanted was for Non to be here. Just to hold her. She just…fit. I must have stayed there for hours just gazing at the ceiling as I tried to fight with the fear I could feel occasionally sweeping over me. What was she doing? Was she on duty? Had she had to fight off dementors yet? Round and round the questions went and I couldn't stop them.

The next two days were torture. I hadn't apologised to Fred but we'd entered some sort of strange truce. I supposed it helped he spent so much time with Hermione but the brief moments I'd seen her she looked so guilt ridden I was glad not to be around them.

I felt a constant nagging panic. Each time I thought I'd got to grips with it, another wave would hit me. If it hadn't been for work I'd have gone out of my mind.

 _Is this how Non always feels?_

The thought startled me and it was still all I could think about as I arrived at The Burrow after work on the Tuesday. Non was due back today but we weren't sure what time, and I was constantly checking my notepad but she hadn't messaged me at all. After she'd said how I'd made her anxious and now knowing slightly how that felt, I didn't dare message her.

"Not much longer now George."

I grunted an acknowledgement at dad. Not much longer was too long. I tapped an uneven rhythm on the table, ignoring the irritated glances mum was sending me until finally I felt the notepad heat up and I flipped it open.

 **[** _ **On nitebus.**_ **]**

"She's on the knight bus! Dad where does it stop in the village?"

"By the post box dear."

It was mum that answered but I didn't waste time to answer and apparated directly there from the kitchen. Godric why was time moving so slowly? I paced back and forth while I waited until fucking finally the thunderous bang sounded and the purple bus appeared. I raced forward as the doors opened but skidded to a halt when Non appeared. What the _fuck_ had happened to her?

Her legs were caked with mud up to over her knees, she was soaking wet and the circles under her eyes were so dark it was like she'd been punched.

"Non!"

She blinked at me in confusion, in fact her eyes didn't seem focused at all. She muttered something but it was in Welsh and I didn't understand her. God I really, _really_ needed to try and learn it. I'd had a look in The Magner Liber and some of the muggle bookshops but there was bugger all learning material available. Maybe when things were right between us again I'd ask her but first things first I had to get her home and quickly.

I managed to get one arm around her tightly to free up my wand hand and before we could blink we were back outside The Burrow and I barrelled through the front door.

"Mum! Dad! Help!"

I didn't know what else to say. Mum came bustling in and I could hear her hold back a strangled cry at the sight of her.

"George dear move her into the living room, quick I'll dry her clothes…"

A muted moan sounded from behind us and I was surprised to see Fleur, she must have arrived when I'd gone to collect Non.

"Ah her poor boots! Quick George pass them here."

"Her boots? Fuck her boots Fleur!"

I was furious. Didn't she have any fucking eyes?

"She will be upset George if they are ruined and Molly will be able to help her here more than me."

My fingers trembled as I tried to get the boots off Non's feet. She was still muttering in Welsh but she couldn't seem to focus on any of us. I was still too angry to speak to Fleur when I passed the boots over but she just shook her head at me, took another look at Non and then muttered she would go and get Gruff.

He'd set up camp in his tent right at the base of the garden I knew. He'd offered to tell us more about Non if we wanted to but after Luna had pointed out that it should be up to Non to share things with us if she wanted none of us had taken him up on his offer although Merlin had I wanted to. But Luna was right in a way, Non really was so private I didn't think she'd be happy with Gruff sharing her past.

It wasn't long until he arrived and he swore when he saw her before he rushed forward.

"What is it Gruff, what is she saying? She keeps saying her name and I'm sure it's something about Hufflepuff but…"

Mum was twisting her hands in worry as she trailed off. Gruff listened for a few seconds before he spoke.

"I'm Non Llewellyn. I'm sixteen years old. I'm a Hufflepuff."

The silence was painful.

 _Non what happened to you?_

"Dadi?"

I startled at her voice, I at least recognised that word and I saw Gruff swallow heavily before he murmured a reply and cupped her cheek. She was at least looking at him, although she was clearly seeing someone else. Her face crumpled. It wasn't quick, it was like a slow movement of a wave that past over her face and she fell with it, her head burrowing into Gruff's shoulder and she cried. It was the type that started slowly until the strength of her sobs shook her and I could see he struggled to reposition himself to support her, before he gave up crouching and moved to lift her before he settled in the armchair by the fire and rocked her in his lap.

Just like if she was still a child.

"George dear let's leave them for a while."

I didn't want to go but as he was rocking her he'd started to sing just softly but it was enough to start to settle her and I felt absurdly like I was interjecting on a private family moment. I couldn't understand the words, I couldn't – I _didn't_ understand Non and when I finally followed mum to the kitchen and sat down so stare glumly at the table top I wondered if I ever would.

 **A/N: So another chapter, and I tried something new for the second half with a George POV. I'm not sure I captured his voice right but let me know what you think. I'm not going to be making a habit of him featuring just so you know.**

 **Also I hadn't planned on updating so soon but this chapter just wouldn't stay in my head. I'm not entirely happy with it so as ever would love your feedback.**

 **Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed – it was amazing to see the response the last chapter got, so I'm looking forward to your views on this one.**

 **And I have over 150 followers now! Kind of crazy really, but I appreciate every one of you.**

 **Diolch/Thanks,**

 **Yav**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

 **Trigger warning** (possibly) If you have difficulties with depression and low thoughts etc. then this chapter may be a tough read. Please be kind to yourself and if you don't feel like you can read it then private message me and I can send you a chapter summary.

Chapter 24

I was cold.

It was the one thing I was truly aware of as I struggled to properly wake up. Each time I could feel myself about to surface it was like I was being pulled straight back under by the grasping hands of a memory I hated recalling.

[ _"Run Non! RUN!"]_

My dad's terrified face was all I could see. No one should ever be that scared. And for that moment I recalled the fear, my mother dead, the house near exploding as my dad ordered me to run. To leave him.

But then I'd hear a murmur, a strange rumble or vibration under my ear and then I knew nothing, until it all started up again.

I don't know what it was that finally woke me but as my eyes managed to crack open I felt a surge of fear as I struggled to regain my bearings. For a half second I was convinced there was a dementor back in the room with me, like I had discovered on the first night in Azkaban, but as I blinked in the dim light I saw it was just a coat hastily flung over the back of a sofa. I blinked again. I was at the Weasley's.

Now that I was awake I didn't much feel like sleeping again, where memories could get me, and I shivered.

Merlin, I was so cold.

I didn't really remember getting here. After I had been nearly cornered by a dementor I'd been too afraid to sleep for the rest of my stint at the prison and the lack of sleep combined with well…everything, made the whole thing a bit of a blur.

I shivered.

["You awake?"]

The voice rumbled up from beneath my ear.

Oh right. Gruffudd. Him.

I felt numb. I'd thought so much about him until the memories of my dad's demise had taken over but now I just, I didn't feel anything. And yet, my eyes were blurring with tears.

["Yeah."]

My voice sounded like a weird scratchy whisper, it didn't sound like me at all.

["Are you alright?"]

["I'm cold."]

And I was. I wasn't anything else at all.

I felt an extra weight settle around me.

["You were talking in your sleep. About your dad."]

My dad. Not his. Although he was.

["He told me to run. And I did. I left him. I should never have left him."]

God what sort of shit daughter had I been, just to abandon him?

["But he told you to run."]

I wanted to shake my head but I couldn't bring myself to move.

["Non? What…what happened?"]

I opened and closed my mouth a good few times before I managed to get any words out. I didn't really want to say, but it was all so fresh, the memory so close, I just wanted to get it out of my head.

["We were having dinner and there was a noise. Mam got up to look and then there was a flash of green and she was on the floor just lying there. Then the room exploded and we were in the garden. There were death eaters trying to break through to us and dadi made me run. I got to the top of the hill out back and when I looked back they were duelling. It was three against one. And they killed him. I should have helped."]

Normally this memory made me feel sick, the guilt would eat away at me, but I could still hardly feel anything at all.

["He would have hated you to be hurt Non."]

["They came after me then so I ran to Ynys Hir. They followed and a dragon ate one."]

I felt Gruff take in a sharp breath.

["I know I shouldn't have led them there, shouldn't have had a dragon eat a human but I didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't mean to."]

["God Non that's not why I – that was the right thing for you to do. Did you get to the Jones'?"]

["Yes. It took me a long time it was dark, and I didn't know where the rest of the dragons were."]

["Why didn't you use _lumos?"]_

["I wasn't of age, I had the trace on me. If I used magic the snatchers would have come straight for me. And I-I didn't have my wand."]

I'd been such an idiot. Our community on the brink of war and I hadn't even thought to keep my wand on me. How stupid, how _pathetic_ I had been.

["If you didn't have your wand then Non, how could you have helped your dad?"]

["I should have had it on me."]

["But you didn't."]

["I should have stayed with him."]

It was weird that even when I didn't feel anything my eyes were managing to cry.

["Non lovely if you had, you'd have died."]

["It would have been better if I had."]

Merlin it really would have. All the hurt, all everything that had followed…none of it would have happened. There'd just be nothing. Everything would have stopped. I wouldn't have known about everyone else dying.

I felt Gruff move beneath my head and I blinked tearfully as his face came into view.

["Don't you say that. Don't you _dare_ even think it."]

That was weird, it almost sounded like he cared.

["I'm tired Gruffudd."]

I was. I really did just want everything to stop.

["Well, rest some more then. You've not been sleeping all that long it's not even morning yet. I'll be here when you wake."]

I could feel bitter thoughts trying to swirl free after those words but the sheer weight of numbness I was still feeling smothered them and even as he nudged my head back on to this shoulder I could feel my eyes grow heavy, and I shivered.

When next I woke it was to sight of a low sun creeping through the gap in the curtains and the quiet clink of cutlery on plates sounding from the kitchen. I was about to sink my head back down on to a pillow when I sat up with a jolt.

 _Where was Gruffudd?_

He-he'd gone. He wasn't here. My heart clenched painfully as I glanced around the room, an old and familiar panic and fear running through me. God where had he gone? Had he gone for good?

The creak of a step had be darting a glance to the stairs and I nearly choked on my sigh of relief as I saw Gruff standing there, before I promptly burst into tears.

["I-I thought you'd left."]

I only just about managed to gulp out those words as Gruff hurried over.

["Sorry Non bach but I had to piss at some point you know. I'm not leaving."]

 _Not yet_.

I couldn't help the silent words, but I knew Gruff wouldn't be staying here forever. That didn't stop me clutching on to his jumper though as he wrapped me in a hug. Merlin everything was so messed up. I didn't want to be sat here, bloody crying _again_ and relying on Gruff of all people but then…why shouldn't I rely on him? He'd buggered off and left me to fend for myself, to do everything the hard, lonely way. Why shouldn't he for a change, shoulder the responsibility? And I was still so _tired_ , I'd been looking after myself for so long, had to make all the decisions, navigate the hellscape that often came with being an adult. For once, why shouldn't someone else just look after me? Surely he owed me this?

I couldn't even bring myself to feel angry with him now. I mean I could see that I was hardly worth sticking around for. I bet even now he was only helping because he felt he had to, what with him staying at the Weasley's for Charlie's wedding. As fake as this help was I wasn't in any sort of place to refuse it. It was like slipping on an old coat, falling back into an old role and if he wanted to pretend then I'd go along with it. I didn't feel like I could do anything else.

["Do you want some breakfast?"]

I blinked slowly at his question before I tiredly rubbed at my face. I wasn't hungry at all.

["I need a shower I think."]

Really I just wanted to get warm.

["Alright I'll just go get Molly."]

It didn't take long for Mrs Weasley to bustle into the room and usher me up the stairs. I couldn't bring myself to listen to what she was saying. God I felt awkward even being here but I didn't think I'd be able to apparate home like I'd like to. Plus I was worried that if I left, that Gruff would leave too.

"Non, dear?"

I startled slightly at her hand on my arm. We were in the bathroom and she had a large blue fluffy towel in her hand that she was holding out to me. Steam was starting to fill the bathroom and I suddenly realised the shower was already running. I hesitantly took the towel from her.

"Are you alright dear?"

I opened my mouth to automatically say that I was find but as my throat closed shut I realised that I couldn't even bring myself to put words to the lie so I simply nodded.

"Well okay, you know where everything is, I'll have a nice breakfast waiting just come down when you're ready."

She gave me another pat on the arm before leaving and closing the door behind her. It took me a while, my fingers kept shaking, but I finally managed to undress and I let out a high sigh of relief as I stood under the hot shower. Even then though it was only momentary relief as any part of me that wasn't under the water would break out in goose bumps. Merlin I hated being this cold.

When I finally felt like I was clean, that I'd washed as much of the prison off me as I could, I hurriedly wrapped myself in the towel before I paused. Shit, I didn't have any change of clothes. Where was my bag? I froze.

 _Where was my wand?_

God I didn't go anywhere without it, without _either_ of them. Shit how could I have been so stupid again? I really was pathetic wasn't I? Just an absolute idiot who-

"Non dear I've got some clean clothes here for you."

I startled at the sound of Mrs Weasley's voice through the door and I held the towel to me tightly as I edged it open. Mrs Weasley was indeed standing there with a folded up pile of clothes.

"I forgot to leave them in here for you sorry dear."

Her face was smiling and her eyes kindly but I couldn't help but frown. Why was she being nice to me? She hadn't been happy with me at all before I'd left for work. I took the clothes from her silently with a nod and shut the door, before I hurriedly got dressed. It was just my dungarees and long sleeve top again and with my hair still soaking wet I rushed out the bathroom to find my bag and wand.

I breathed out a huge sigh of relief as I saw them right by the arm chair in the Weasley's living room and I grabbed onto both before I stood still, uncertain what to do. I didn't feel comfortable enough to go and just sit and have breakfast but I knew I'd have to go through the kitchen to find Gruff. I bit my lip.

"There's food here in the kitchen, if you're that hungry."

I jumped at the deep male voice that sounded before letting out a shaky breath. It was only Charlie.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Mum's got a plate waiting, if you're hungry?"

Was I hungry? I still didn't think I was. Apart from small surges of panic I still couldn't feel much at all. God I was hardly functioning, this was pathetic. C'mon Non, just do something.

I hesitantly made my way to follow Charlie into the kitchen and I sat down to perch on the edge of a seat, my bag and wand still gripped tightly. There was only Mrs Weasley, Charlie, Alina, Fleur and Victoire in the kitchen.

 _I don't belong here_.

I really didn't. They must hate putting up with me so much. Even their conversation seemed strained. I always somehow managed to make everyone feel as awkward as me. And God, where was Gruff?

As soon as I caught sight of him walking through the back door I immediately felt a knot of panic loosen and I sighed. I stared unseeingly as I heard him bustle around the kitchen, talking like everything was normal but even as the sound of his voice jolted me it also felt weirdly comforting. It was familiar. It was…it was a little bit of home. I could feel my eyes fill again and I bit my lip.

["Here you go."]

Gruffudd sounded far too cheerful as he plonked a plate of food in front of me and I glanced at it in surprise. It was a cooked breakfast but with each item of food separated by a triangle of toast. I'd always hated having different foods touching when I was small. I felt a half smile pull at the corner of my mouth.

["Diolch."]

I couldn't even bring myself to scowl as he playfully messed with my hair but as he sat in the seat next to me I felt a bit better. Maybe he wasn't pretending to care. He nudged a mug of hot chocolate into my hands and after I'd taken a few sips he nudged me again to start eating.

I let the quiet conversation pass right over me as I focused just on trying to eat. I don't think I'd eaten properly for days not even with Morris trying to get me to at Azkaban. It was hard going, really it all just tasted like old parchment to me even though I knew it shouldn't, Mrs Weasley's cooking was too good for that.

I was about two thirds of the way through my plate when Gruff had to get up to help Charlie with something outside and as the minutes ticked by I could feel myself start to get queasy.

"He's not going to leave Non."

My eyes darted to Alina's face and I flushed with embarrassment as I tried to hide my face behind my hair. God how pathetic that someone had noticed. How pathetic that I couldn't stop thinking he'd disappear.

"I-I know. He has to play at your wedding."

"That's not the only reason why he's here."

I ignored her soft words. I mean, I knew that it was. People were always bound to say something like that to make me feel better. If I could keep it in mind that he was only here for them, not for me, it would hopefully hurt less when he did leave.

As I finished my second mug of hot chocolate it I tried to muster up the courage to say something as guilt was starting to force its way through the numbness.

"H-how is the wedding preparation going?"

Merlin I hadn't even asked before, not once, not even when she'd first arrived. As her face lit up though at least it seemed like it was the right question to ask. I let Alina speak while Fleur and Mrs Weasley occasionally added to her response but I can't say that I took much of it in. I couldn't work out how I should be responding.

"So anyway today we're sorting out the flowers. Molly knows a wonderful spell that will keep them fresh for Sunday but it would be nice to get it all sorted ready today."

I frowned. God what day was it?

"Yes the twins dropped the last of them off this morning so there's a lot to get through today."

I felt a thrum of adrenaline go through me. The twins. _George_.

God I-I'd hardly thought about him and yet, I frowned again, he'd been the one I'd messaged to come and meet me off the bus, hadn't I? It was all still such a blur. And damn it, he'd been so upset the night I'd had to leave and I hadn't been able to see if he was okay. I still didn't know if _we_ were okay after everything. Merlin our fight felt like a lifetime ago.

"Where is George?"

I don't know who was more surprised by my question; me or Mrs Weasley. She however quickly smoothed down her apron and carried on as normal.

"Why he's working in the shop dear. It's Hallowe'en after all, it's their busiest day."

Hallowe'en. So it must be Thursday. Of course he'd be in the shop, God what a stupid question to ask. I nodded my understanding.

"C'mon Non, let us show you what we've done so far?"

I blinked slowly to see that Alina had stood up and was gesturing for me to follow.

I tried to suppress a shiver as I headed outside, and I slowly took in the changes. The barn area had nearly been fully decorated now. There were beautiful floating fairy lights, and there were I supposed fashionable drapes everywhere but decorating was never really my thing. But it did look lovely. Dragons were quite obviously a theme too.

"It looks amazing Alina."

I'd tried to add a bit of enthusiasm to my words but I think I failed but it was hardly surprising when I was struggling to feel anything at all.

"Thank you. Here let me show you the flowers."

It didn't take long to see them. One half of the table was covered in an array of red and orange flowers in different shades and varieties with a smaller mound of yellows and gold.

"Here I need them to be separated and secured into these bunches."

She passed me a scrap of parchment that had the instructions on and I nodded. I liked sorting things normally so this was something I didn't think that I could mess up. Well maybe the securing part but certainly not the sorting.

I hesitated as I sat down when I clocked sight of Gruff. Even as relief spread through me I could still feel my back stiffen. He was on a raised platform area sorting out musical instruments, and he was currently looking at me expectantly and it took me a moment to figure out why.

Of course the Non he had known would have been hurrying over crowing her delight and determined to get her fingers on each and every one. But as I was now? I didn't want to go anywhere near them. I ignored the questioning look on his face as I finally eased myself into a seat and started to sort through the flowers.

I must have sat there for hours just mechanically going through the process but I didn't mind. It meant I could just be left alone to not feel anything. The only interruptions came when Gruff plonked a heavy jacket around me and shoved another mug of hot chocolate at me with a small frown on his face, or Mrs Weasley when she tried to get me to eat some lunch.

It must have been mid afternoon, when I was about half way through the pile of flowers, when Ginny and Hermione arrived and a part of me wondered why they were both here so early but I shrugged it off. I just didn't care.

I think they were trying to make small talk but as I methodically pickup up the flowers, trimmed the stems, made sure they were completely level before deftly tied them with some pretty string, I more than easily managed to tune them out.

It was when I was on my third mug of hot chocolate and tiredly rubbing at my face that Hermione got me to respond.

"Have you been doing this all day Non?"

"Yeah."

I was starting to get very aware that as my numbness was wearing off that misery was starting to swirl up inside me and I hastily took another gulp of my drink. See, this is what thinking did to me.

"Oh, but you must be so tired! Here I know a spell that can help and then you can rest."

She smiled at me kindly and I was too busy trying to swallow another overlarge gulp of hot chocolate to respond. God I didn't want her help at all, I didn't want to do anything but sit and sort things into bundles.

It was too late though and with a couple of murmurs and a few swishes of her wand the flowers all sorted themselves and as the last bundle was magically tied there was a slightly strained silence. Forget the rising misery now I felt almost devastated. What was I going to do now? I'd have to try and talk to people.

As Ginny shifted in her seat I turned to look at her but she at least didn't say anything. Perhaps she knew from Harry that it was pointless trying anything the day after we were back from the prison. As Hermione opened her mouth to speak I hastily stood up. I knew she meant it kindly, I knew she was only trying to help but so help me if she was going to get me to talk about _feelings_ now was really not the time.

"I'm- I'm going to go and nap."

It was the last thing I wanted to do, I didn't want to risk anymore nightmares, but it would mean I could sit in a room alone. I think I must have been subconsciously keeping an eye on Gruff the whole time I'd been outside as it wasn't a surprise for me at all when I handed him his jacket as he walked up to the kitchen with me.

["I'm just going to go home to nap."]

And hide under a duvet.

["No point heading back when you can nap here Non, it will save you a trip."]

I frowned. I didn't want to put the Weasley's out any more than I had and they really didn't need me sticking around like a cloud of misery. I didn't even get a chance to protest as Mrs Weasley was soon bundling me up the stairs, my only moment of hesitation coming when I realised Gruff would be heading back outside. I bit my lip though and tried to quell the panic I was starting to feel now he was out of sight.

It was with very muted alarm I realised Mrs Weasley had brought me to the twins bedroom and at the look on my face she hastily explained that Ginny's room was full of things for the wedding. I nodded suspiciously and edged my way in and walked towards George's bed.

"So you just rest here now Non, look there's another hot chocolate for you, you just come down when you're feeling ready."

She'd turned down the covers for me and drawn the curtains but as she made to close the door and switch off the light I felt a surge of fear.

"Please don't turn off the light."

I flushed at the understanding on her face when she simply nodded and closed the door, but left the light on.

God, imagine being afraid of the dark still. I was just so stupid. But then a dementor had appeared out of the dark not three nights ago. I shivered. I managed to wrap myself in George's duvet but even as I clutched the hot chocolate in between my hands I still couldn't seem to get warm. It was like this deep rooted cold right inside of me that no cover or drink could touch.

After about an hour I gave up and attempted to get some more clothes out of my bag, but as my third attempt at _accio_ failed my face crumpled and it was all I could do not to cry again. I couldn't even perform the most basic magic now, I was such a failure.

I managed to crawl from the bed and hesitantly made my way to the chest of drawers. Perhaps there was a jumper or something in there. Turns out that there was a jumper, but there was also an old jack in the box that startled me so much I burst into tears. After I'd managed to calm myself I shoved the jumper on and breathed deep, trying to ignore the squirming of my stomach.

Okay, so it smelt like George. I felt my eyes fill again even as I clambered back under the duvet. What followed was me endlessly trying not to panic that Gruff might leave, to actively trying not to think about George, to then just trying not to think at all. And I guess I must have still been actually exhausted because even though I hadn't thought I'd sleep, I must have done eventually.

It was the creak of the door that woke me and I sat up with a gasp, only to see the surprised figure of George Weasley. He looked…he looked _terrible_.

He had massive bags under his eyes, he was a strange pale grey shade and he clearly hadn't shaved since last I'd seen him judging by the mess of stubble on his jaw.

"Shit sorry Non, I thought I'd be quiet enough not to wake you. I was just going to grab a jumper."

As he'd been talking I'd struggled out of the bed, completely embarrassed to have been caught napping there. He shot a confused look at what I was wearing and I flushed.

"Sorry I got cold," I gestured helplessly at his jumper I was wearing. "You don't mind?"

"Nah don't be daft, I'm sure there's more in here."

He strode to the chest of drawers and quickly opened one before pulling out another slightly worn looking wool jumper and shrugged into it. It was clearly an old one as it was a bit too tight across his broad shoulders but it at least just about fit.

"See?"

He smiled at me before sighing again as I shifted nervously on my feet. I didn't know what on earth to do.

"Are you feeling any better?"

I frowned slightly at his question. Was I?

"I-I'm feeling better than yesterday. Although that's not difficult."

I was weirdly pleased to see that made him laugh and I bit my lip. He still didn't look very well.

"A-are you alright?" I took a hesitant step closer. I was torn between still wanting to be alone, to wanting to make sure George was okay, to feeling horribly awkward to being alone in a room with him.

"I am now you're back."

I bit my lip again. I wasn't quite sure what to say to that, and the silence was starting to get even more awkward.

"Do you want a hug?"

The comical look of surprise on George's face to my blurted question would normally have made me laugh but now I just desperately wanted to force the words back in my mouth. Why had I even said them?

"That'd be nice Non."

I took small steps towards him before I hesitantly reached out to hug him, George was standing painfully still. With a mix of relief and alarm I felt my breath woosh from out of me as he finally reciprocated and wrapped his arms around me and for a long moment I think I forgot how to breathe. Helga he was so _good_ at these.

I don't know how long we stood like that but it must have been a while, until I could no longer ignore the fact that I really, _really_ needed a wee. I mean given the amount of hot chocolate I'd drunk so far that day it was hardly surprising. I squirmed slightly and George let me go, and as I took a step back it was like a veil of awkwardness settled between us again.

"I – uh, I need to use the bathroom."

He nodded his understanding before gesturing for me to leave the room first.

"Alright, Mum's just dishing up dinner outside if you want some."

I nodded my head in understanding before rushing to the bathroom. God _did_ I want dinner? I'd have to get through a whole meal of probably a lot of people being there. Would I be able to get away without talking too much again? Who could I sit next to? Should I just stick with Gruff? What if that offended George or any of the girls if they were here?

It was only as I was finishing up in the bathroom I realised that my 'what if' thinking had started up again. Did this mean I was starting to feel a bit better? I didn't feel numb as such now, nor completely miserable but I for sure didn't feel happy. I frowned as I tried to analyse just what I was feeling but I came up with a blank, and I sighed.

My dilemma was resolved for me as I made my way outside where Ron was ready to wave me over to a seat. He looked nearly as tired as George but he was sat near the end of the table with a mound of books and parchment next to him, and I silently slid into the spare seat between him and Gruff. This was good, it meant I could effectively hide between them.

Ron sent me a searching look before nodding to himself, and with a grunt gestured that I should dish up my food. God bless Ron and his communicating by grunts, it meant we didn't have to bother to talk. I felt my lip weirdly try and quirk up into a smile and after a reassuring nod from Gruff I set about helping myself to food. It looked like everyone else bar Harry was there and that they'd been sat down for food for a good fifteen minutes or so, judging by their plates.

I let the conversation wash over me, the only thing really drawing my attention being occasionally forking some food in my mouth, or watching Ron turn a page of a book. I didn't feel myself at all but nor did I feel like I was about to burst into tears which I took as progress.

It was after desert when Charlie and Alina were squabbling over a story about a dragon rescue that I started to feel sleepy again and after the third time of my head nodding I glanced in annoyance at the back of my chair. It was just so bloody uncomfortable. When I glanced back around it was to be met with a face full of pillow and I glanced in surprise at Gruff's smiling face. I just about managed an eye roll when I grabbed it suspiciously from him, still somehow knowing I should check it for any tricks. It seemed fine though and I nestled it beneath my head, a mug of tea this time clutched in my hand and I just sat, thankful that no one was asking me to join in. My eyes were tracing over those I could see, and even I noticed that things were not right between George and Fred. Normally they sat together but this time they had Hermione and Charlie between them.

I was frowning over that, only just remembering that George had bloody punched Fred before I left for Azkaban, when I felt sleep catch at me.

I don't know how long I was out for, it couldn't have been too long, but it was a raised voice that must have jolted me from sleep but I kept still, with my eyes closed while I tried to make sense of what I was hearing.

"It's not fair at all for you to say that. We've been here, you haven't."

"And a fat lot of good you've been. How have you all been letting this carry on?"

That sounded like Ginny and Gruff were arguing.

"She really wouldn't want us talking about her like this and you're going to wake her."

Luna's voice was so distinctive I'd recognise it anywhere. And she had to mean they were talking about me.

"If we don't talk about it, we won't figure out how to help. Non's always been good at getting out of things that make her uncomfortable, you know sometimes you have to not let her."

I had to strain my ears that time as Gruff's voice had dropped. It would help if I could free up an ear but I didn't want to move and my eyes were feeling so heavy I was more than happy to keep them closed.

"Well how about we start with what do any of us know that has ever made us question things about her? For me, I'd quite like to know what she did for the whole year of the war."

Trust Bill to start getting so analytical.

"I-I'd like to know how she learnt non-verbal spells. We only start to learn those in sixth year and Non missed hers, but when we all started seventh year together she was already really good at them."

"I'd like to know why she has her whole life packed up in her small bag."

"I'd like to know why she thinks talking a normal amount is too much, and why even that gives her a sore throat."

"I'd like to know why she's terrified of having her house connected to the floo network."

"I'd like to know why she needs to have such strong wards in place to stop anyone finding her home."

"I'd like to know why she doesn't sing anymore."

So that was Hermione, Ginny, Charlie, Fred, Audrey and Luna. I counted them off in my head and had to fight squirming. They were all pretty good questions.

"But she does sing Luna, she did the other week."

"Only because Ernie made her Hermione, she was so against it. It's the only time I've heard her do it since she stopped being in the choir."

"Choir? She was in the choir?"

I could hear Fred sniggering to himself and I couldn't fathom why George hadn't told him. I thought the twins told each other everything?

"She can't sing that's why."

I felt my breath nearly freeze at Ron's muttered words.

"Oh of course she can Ronald, you'd already left the party so you missed it."

"I bloody saw her the next day Hermione, did you? Don't ask her to sing, she can't do it."

"Why can't she?"

There was a strained silence as Ron, thankfully, stubbornly refused to answer Hermione's question.

"Well I think I can answer part of your first question Bill. She went to Ynys Hir to ask for help from the Jones' the day her parents were killed."

"Well that's good that she had somewhere so close to stay."

"They didn't let her stay Molly. I-I went to see Mr Jones when Non was working. I hadn't realised the timeline of events. He said she'd turned up for help, he'd given her a bag of supplies and a tent and then sent her on her way. Said he didn't need the Death Eaters trying to stick their nose in at the reservation. She didn't even have a wand."

There was a very strained silence save for some spluttered gasps from Mrs Weasley and it was all I could do not to bite my lip. God Gruff sounded so angry.

"What I would like to know," I inwardly squirmed as I finally heard George's voice, "Is when Non is going to stop pretending to be asleep."

It wasn't a question, in fact I think he sounded rather amused. I begrudgingly opened one eye very slowly to see a half smile on his face. I rubbed at my face tiredly.

"I wasn't really awake."

I think ordinarily I'd have been amused by the looks of a mix of horror and guilt on their faces but the questions they had all asked were far too awkward.

"Non, could you answer some of our questions?"

I glanced at Luna before sighing. I had to be careful here. Some of them I could answer but I needed to be sure I could use words that wouldn't draw more questions. God I really didn't need to deal with this today.

"Well. I don't like the floo network because that's how Death Eaters got into our home. And I have such strong wards for the same reason."

I swallowed heavily before trying to answer another one.

"Ron is right. I can't sing. Or I can, it just means I can't talk properly for days afterwards. It's why Charlie, I can't talk a lot without hurting my voice. I-I've got damaged vocal chords. I'm not supposed to talk more than I need to. I'm not supposed to shout. And I'm definitely not supposed to sing."

Gruff made a sudden move to my right and I had to glance quickly away at the look of distress on his face. He would know more than anyone just how much that hurt me.

"Gin I have a bag full of stuff ready because I know what it's like to be forced to flee with nothing. I have a dangerous job, I don't want to be in that position again. And-and I'm not going to answer any more."

I took advantage of their silence then to get up and walk away from the table. There was a small bench placed further down the garden and I decided to sit there while I tried to calm myself down. I could feel the creeping misery start to claw its way up me and I took a shaky breath. God so many of their questions had such dark, dark answers. They would know too much. I just hoped what little I'd said would be enough to stop them asking any more.

I felt a figure settle by me and I didn't even have to look up to know it was Gruff.

["I'm so sorry lovely, about your voice."]

I shrugged.

["I've sort of gotten used to it."]

["And it's why you avoid musical instruments? Hermione says she's never heard you play any in your home."]

Damn and damn he had to ask more. I was appalled to find myself sniffling back tears.

["That's part of it, yes."]

Gruff let out a sigh before drawing me into a hug.

["You aren't going to tell me how you hurt it are you."]

I shook my head against his shoulder.

["I should have been there to help. You should never have had to rely on Mr Jones for _help_ ".]

He spat out the last word like it was posion.

["If you'd been there Gruff you'd just be dead too. Like actually dead this time."] I shivered at the thought. ["And Mr Jones…he was right to do what he did."]

["How can you _possibly_ think that?"]

He was so angry he'd shot to his feet and I shivered at the loss of warmth.

["God Gruff think about it. Dragons in the hands of Death Eaters? It doesn't bear thinking about. He had to make sure that nothing else would draw their attention like I stupidly had. And please don't interrupt. He gave me the supplies I'd need to survive Gruff. He gave me food, he gave me money, a means of shelter and I-I took your old guitar from your room."]

["What, he'd kept it?"]

Gruff looked like I'd completely blindsided him.

["He'd kept a lot of your stuff Gruff."]

I could see confusion cross his face as he slowly sat by me again.

["He buried my parents Gruff. He saved as much of our stuff as he could and he never had to. I know he could have done more, but I'll forever owe him for what he did."]

We sat in silence for a while before I really started to feel too cold and I rolled my shoulders back to ease the knot I could feel forming.

["Look I'm going to go home. I'll see you tomorrow?"]

I was a bit nervous about leaving him but I tried to quell the panic down. I knew he had to stay here until Sunday, I just had to keep reminding myself.

["No you can't go!"]

I stepped back slightly alarmed at the urgency in his voice but he hurried on.

["We've got so much to talk about and we haven't had a chance yet. I mean if you're not still too angry with me…won't you stay? I've got a spare bed roll in the tent, and we can light a fire so it's warm. Please?"]

I wasn't sure if I wanted to. Really I wanted to hide underneath my duvet while the fire roared away in my living room. But the stupid pleading in his gaze, I'd always found him hard to say no too. I even desperately searched for the anger I had felt only a few days ago but it was like it had fizzled out. There was a healthy dose of resentment, and a lot of bitterness, but not anger.

["I…alright."]

I hesitated for a moment before following, wondering if I should say something to any of the Weasley's, or really if I should talk to George. I bit my lip. Perhaps I shouldn't. I bit my lip again in indecision before another call from Gruff made up my mind for me.

I half thought I could see George watching as I glanced over my shoulder but I was soon ensconced in Gruff's tent.

He more than filled up the silence as he hurriedly set up a spare bed for me and got the fire lit. I blinked in a bit of a daze as he started to tell me just what he had gotten up to since last I'd seen him. Turns out he'd actually gotten married last year but didn't have any children yet. His wife was one of the chief healers at the dragon reservation on Romania so wouldn't be able to come to the wedding.

["Seriously Non no one is busier than her. It took me months to even get a date."]

He was grinning away to himself though and I felt a dull flare of jealousy. It seemed that every feeling that I had was muted and I supposed that was a good thing. I don't think I was equipped currently to be hit with feelings that were too strong.

It was weird how easy it was to talk to him. How he could coax me into conversation, none of the silences were awkward and I could simple just…be myself. The only sticking point came when he started to tinker with some of his guitars.

["Here Non, help me tune this one will you. No one has a better ear than you."]

I felt a shot of panic shoot through me.

["Oh no, I-I better not, I wouldn't want to break it by accident."]

God what if I did? It looked a really expensive one, I'd be mortified.

["Break it? Non lovely you've known how to tune a guitar since you were about six, how on earth could you break it? Besides even if you did, I could just fix it with my wand."]

Oh right yes, I supposed he could. I bit my lip.

["A-alright then."]

I hesitantly took the guitar and set about quietly tuning it. It only seemed to need minor adjustments, and that was probably from it being packed up for travelling.

["I've been talking to your new future family while you were away."]

I gave a grunt in reply that Ron would have been proud of as I continued to run my finger over the strings.

["The only one who even _slightly_ knows you is George."]

I glared at Gruff heavily as I twanged the most awful note as my fingers jerked in response to his words and he laughed.

["I'm serious. They don't fucking know you Non at all. You've got to start letting them in."]

My glare settled into a scowl.

["You know I don't have to listen to a single piece of shit you say right?"]

I tried to ignore the smirk he sent me as my mind raced. God what on earth had they all been talking about?

["Did – did George say anything about me?"]

I tried to pretend that Gruff's smirk hadn't grown into a stupid fucking grin.

["Not a lot actually. Don't think he likes me much. He seems a good sort though, how come you don't want to marry him?"]

I scoffed at the question before I decided to reply. I mean I obviously couldn't _tell_ Gruff why I hated not having a choice so badly but he would surely understand not wanting to be made to do something.

["So let me break this down Non. You're shutting the poor guy out, aren't willing to even consider anything all because ' _you don't want to'_."]

I flushed in embarrassment.

["You're making it sound so childish."]

["That's because it is. Stop being an idiot. Either decide you don't want him so you just have the marriage as a front. Or decide that you want to try and make things work. You don't have other options."]

I gazed at him feeling weirdly betrayed. The Gruff I had known would never have said any of that to me, he'd have raged against the law and tried to find a way out of it.

["You've changed."]

I maybe should have made that sound less like an accusation.

["So have you."]

We both half heartedly glared for a bit before he laughed and gestured that I should hand the guitar back to him.

["You still look absolutely done in Non. Try and get more sleep. I'll keep the fire lit so it'll be warm."]

I sighed lightly but I couldn't say that I wasn't still tired because I was. It was even an effort now to stay sitting upright. The creeping misery seemed to have settled as a low level ache in my stomach and my tears seemed to have disappeared. These were both signs that the effects of the prison were wearing off which was something.

I was still confused as to where my anger with Gruff had gone though. Did part of me know that I had to put it to one side so I could effectively use him as my prop to get better? Or was it like it had always been, that no matter what I just couldn't stay mad at him? I gave up trying to make sense of it as my head hit the pillow and my eyes traced patterns in the flickering flames of the fire at the centre of the tent. With Gruff humming away to himself and plucking out low tunes on the guitar, I drifted off to sleep.

 **A/N:**

I am so, so sorry for the delay.

I had to get the final room of my house finished which was super stressful that I couldn't write at all. Then I've been pretty demoralised by the General Election campaign we've just had here in the UK. It's been such depressing and worrying viewing that I couldn't really face writing a chapter where Non was so sad. Before I knew it a month had gone and I hadn't written anything so apologies if this chapter doesn't quite flow.

I do want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed. Getting the notifications through always makes me unbelievably happy and your feedback is what helps me with writing more. And hello to all the new followers too.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter (even if I think it's a bit of a filler) and I'm sorry I made you all wait a few weeks longer than normal.

Diolch,

Yav


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 25

When I woke up it was to the surprise to find that not only had I not had any nightmares, but that I was also in a tent. It took a few moments for my mind to piece everything together and when it did I buried my face in a pillow. Merlin, I had been a _mess_ yesterday. And God, just relying on Gruff like that. What on earth was wrong with me?

I sluggishly managed to roll over and sure enough, he was fast asleep on the other side of the tent. I could see that the fire he'd lit was still dancing merrily, he'd clearly charmed it to stay burning and for that I was thankful. I was still a bit cold but it was the sort of cold that seemed to be coming from the inside. A side effect from Azkaban maybe, or the dementors.

Even the thought of them seemed to make the shadows in the tent deepen and I frowned, making my eyes trace over the inside of the tent to reassure myself there wasn't one here. It had frightened me, and badly, to wake up to find one in my room at the prison. Given I locked it from the inside it made no sense that it had managed to get in.

 _Unless someone else had a key. And opened it from outside._

I shivered and wrapped the heavy blanket closer around me. I didn't want to think about that. I didn't really want to think about anything. How was one person supposed to actually process everything that I had been confronted with over the last few days? First George, then Gruff, then the possibility my dad had kept a pretty bloody big truth from me, then Azkaban…it was surely too much for anyone to process.

I hadn't felt this horrible mix of weird stored up adrenaline making my body too tense combined with an awful exhaustion for a long time, and I didn't like it. God this was so unfair. I'd worked so hard to work through everything that happened with Gruff and my parents why did it all have to come crashing back down on me now? I mean, I'd had counselling. I'd talked through it all before, or well some of it anyway. I'd learnt the techniques to cope with my darker thoughts. I'd processed it, and sure I didn't speak about it much, or well…at all, but surely it wasn't like what I did with the war. I mean I _knew_ deep down I needed to do more about that but the night I'd lost my parents? I thought I'd dealt with that.

I didn't know what time it was or how long I just lay there blinking at nothing but I couldn't summon up any kind of energy to move. Eventually though my eyes started to take in more details from the tent. There was one violin and two guitars propped up against a trunk and there were music manuscripts everywhere. It didn't _seem_ like Gruff had changed at all although I vaguely recalled accusing him yesterday that he had. There had been a time where any room I had been in would have looked the same. And then there was Gruff himself. A part of me was wondering why I wasn't uncomfortable being near him, I mean after all I didn't _really_ know him now. Who knew what had happened to him since I'd last seen him? _Was_ he the same? Could I trust him? He'd never been the most dependable but we'd always understood each other. Or I'd thought we had.

God and I'd just let him look after me like I was completely incapable. I hadn't even been able to control the panic I'd felt when he'd even left a room. It was like I'd completely regressed. That last thought sent a surge of both anxiety and annoyance through me. I was half worried that I really had gone backwards and half adamant that I wouldn't let that happen. Now if only I could I could bring myself to move. I really, _really_ wanted to just go home and hide and somehow find a way just to work through everything that had happened.

I eventually managed to sit up and I scrunched my nose in annoyance. I hated sleeping in clothes I'd worn all day. Moving as quietly as I could I carefully grabbed up my bag and wand and tiptoed my way out of the tent and up to the house. It was clearly still exceptionally early and not even Mrs Weasley was up. Good.

I took the opportunity now that I was alone to see if I was able to start performing basic spells again after my disaster attempt yesterday. I opened up my bag and muttered an _Accio_ and although it was slower than normal some scrap parchment, quill and a tiny bottle of ink did fall into my hands. That was something at least. I scribbled a quick message to say that I was going home for a bit before I summoned up as much concentration as I could, and apparated home. Normally I'd never apparate directly away from inside, it was the height of bad manners, but seeing as no one else was around I figured it didn't matter. I felt winded once I appeared in Wales but even as a cold wind started to pull at my hair I breathed it in deeply and felt better. I knew this wind, I knew the smells here, I knew everything about this place. It was familiar, and I badly needed that.

I hesitated as I let myself into my house, torn between jumping straight in the shower or not. Finally I decided I had so many things to tidy up and catch up on I may as well get that over and done with first. Pointless getting myself clean only to have to shower again after my chores. That decided I did a quick once over the house, grimacing at the amount of laundry I had, before sorting that and making my way outside. I pulled a face, even as I pulled on a woolly hat and trudged down to the greenhouse. My garden needed so much work done to tidy it up a bit in time for winter. I didn't like it to be spotless as there were plenty of animals and bugs that still needed a food source over winter, but I at least liked to do a bit as that meant I didn't have a giant task then to tackle it all come the spring.

It would have to wait though. I just didn't have the time. I didn't seem to have the time for anything anymore. When I reached the greenhouse I nervously poked my head around the door and recoiled quickly as a thorny vine came snapping out at me. Right, okay, the plants were pissed off. I managed to nab my protective goggles with a quick summoning charm from the hook by the greenhouse door and once they were on I squared my shoulders, and entered.

Magical plants were always so funny. Some you could ignore for weeks on end so long as they had a supply for food but others…let's just say they were attention seekers and they had been starved of that lately. I was so busy trying to placate them I didn't even hear anyone approach.

"Non? Non? Oh, there you are!"

I whirled in alarm at the voice and raised a shaky hand to my chest as I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh Ginny, it's you, you startled me I – argh!"

A particularly angry plant seized the moment of distracted to wrap an exceptionally thorny vine around my fingers. I was fortunate it wasn't my wand hand and I sent a slightly stronger stinging freeze at it than I intended but it at least let go of my quickly. I glared at it resentfully even as I made my way outside where Ginny had beaten a hasty retreat to once she'd seen how angry the plants were. I shoved the goggles to the top of my head and huffed.

"They don't like being neglected."

I'd said it by way of explanation to Ginny and she quirked a smile at me before indicating we should head inside so she could help me fix my hand. It was only a few scratches really but I didn't see the sense in arguing. I was starting to feel nervous now as I pondered why she was here and by the time we were sat at the kitchen table my shoulders were rigid.

"Relax Non, I know I'm not the best nurse but I don't bite."

I cast a guilty look her way only to realise a split second too late that she was just joking, and I bit my lip. Ordinarily I'd have known that.

"Sorry Gin, I'm just…I've a lot going on in my head."

That was a wholly inadequate way of putting it but it was all I had. Ginny let out a snort.

"You're telling me. I'm amazed you aren't actually barricaded in your bedroom, but no you had to be _working_. One of these days I'm going to give you a lesson in how to relax."

I fought hard to try and bring a smile to my face but failed. To cover it up I picked up my wand to start directing the kettle to boil so we could have a cup of tea. Ginny was taking her time with my hand and I wasn't sure why, it hardly needed any attention, but I felt weirdly trapped.

"He was worried about you."

"Who was?"

I frowned lightly as I directed two steaming mugs of tea to the table.

"Your brother."

I stiffened at her words.

"He's probably just saying that Gin. And he's not, I mean, I don't know if he really is you know."

"Does it matter if you're blood relatives or not? Non I am perhaps a world expert on brothers and the way you two interact? He's your brother."

I mean, _did_ it matter if we really were or not? The only reason it did was because it determined whether my father was a liar or not. And deep down, I really think he was. But if he lied for a good reason, did it matter? Truly? I bit my lip.

"He left me alone Gin. I can't see that he cares."

She stared at me with such a serious expression and for such a long moment I started to shift uncomfortably in my seat as my eyes darted down to the table top.

"He was worried you'd hurt yourself."

I was so relieved she'd finally broken her silence it took me a couple of seconds to process her words and I shot her an alarmed look. Hurt myself? What, like he'd let us think he'd done? As if I would ever do that! I could feel anger starting to flare up through me and I outright scowled.

"I'd bloody never do to anyone what he did to us Gin, _never_."

I rather infuriatingly couldn't read her expression, though her grip on my hand tightened and she took a deep breath.

"He said that you'd said things would have been better if you'd died with your parents."

I swear I felt the blood drain from my face.

When had I even said that? I'd thought it in very dark moments but I don't think I'd _ever_ voiced it to anyone but – oh! Of course. He'd asked what happened and I'd been so completely out of it. I could feel the heavy frown on my face but I tried to smooth it away when I glanced back at Ginny.

"I was just chatting shit after Azkaban. You know how much of a drain it can be. I wouldn't…Gin I'm not going to kill myself. If that's what you're all worried about."

I could hardly believe I was having to say those quiet words out loud, but as I saw her shoulders relax slightly I was horrified to think she'd needed to hear it. I must have appeared even worse than I'd felt yesterday, for even Ginny to get that worried and I found that deeply upsetting. That stupid fucking prison.

"I'd not normally press like this Non but there's so much I've realised I don't know…I'm sorry."

I blinked at her in confusion and she let out an exasperated sigh.

"We all just assumed you'd spoken to one of us Non. That at least _one_ of us knew what had happened to you. Or that you'd told Susan or Justin or anyone…did you? Did you tell the Hufflepuffs?"

I had to fight against biting my lip. I badly wanted to lie to her and tell her that I had just so that she could feel better. It hadn't been any of their faults at all I hadn't told them anything. God getting back to school after the year I'd had…I'd been determined to try and act as though it had never happened. Which even at the time I realised was stupid, but I just threw myself into being with Justin and trying to ingratiate myself with a new group of people. I'd done everything I could to be helpful, I mean the things Hermione, Ginny and Luna had done in the fight against You Know Who, I'd never have dreamt of telling them my problems. I lightly shook my head and her face fell.

"Please don't feel bad Ginny. I went out of my way to make sure people didn't ask questions, I just wanted to pretend that year hadn't happened. I know it was stupid, heck why do you think I ended up needing counselling? And look Azkaban has fucked me up a bit but I already feel much better today than I did yesterday. I just…I just need time."

"You know you always say that Non and yet you never actually get around to saying anything."

Well damn, she'd noticed. I shifted awkwardly again and was pleased that she finally let go of my hand, and I cradled it in my lap.

"Something's just really hurt to talk about. It's better that I don't."

"Better, or easier?"

I was taken aback by her sharp tone and she sighed heavily.

"Look I don't know how much you know about the first You Know Who war Non, but mum lost her twin brothers in it, Dolohov murdered them, and she _never_ spoke about it. It upset her too much. We didn't find out much about it until the second war was really underway and trust me when I say it made things so hard for Fred and George growing up. Mum would always treat them differently and we never knew why. They nearly left so many times."

I felt a chill run down my spine at that but I was speechless.

"You should ask George about it someday you know."

It was the second mention of his name that did it, and I felt a flutter of nerves move around my stomach and I physically felt so uncomfortable at just the thought of him it's like I wanted to shed my skin. I just, Merlin, I didn't know how to think about him.

"Yeah I don't think we'll be up to chatting about topics like that Gin. Or at all."

I'd said the last bit as a quiet mutter but she still heard me.

"You two made up yesterday didn't you? What did you fight about anyway? He wouldn't say."

I abruptly stood up, I had so much pent up energy I needed to move but I balked as I stood facing the kitchen. God that's where we'd _kissed_ and everything had gone wrong. I huffed to myself as I hurried to the pantry to get out baking ingredients. I needed to make a large batch and I paused in confusion after I'd placed everything on the counter top. Why did I need a big batch?

 _I'm going undercover with Ron_.

For the second time I felt the blood drain from my face. Oh holy fucking shit, I'd forgotten. Or part of me had. Fuck. I'd have next to no time to prepare. I rubbed at my forehead as I felt a headache starting to form even as I waved my wand to get the baking started. I'd done it so many times I felt like I could do it in my sleep.

"Non?"

I jumped at Ginny's voice and as I glanced her way I nearly managed a smile at the baffled look on her face.

"I, sorry, no I…I fucked up Ginny. With George. I think I've messed up everything."

"Amazing. He says exactly the same thing."

My jaw dropped.

"But…"

Ginny snorted a light laugh before she walked over to help.

"Non if you haven't made up, why have you been wearing his jumper since yesterday afternoon?"

I very nearly had an accident with the cake mix I was so startled, but even as I glanced down at myself I realised with muted horror that she was right. I'd gotten cold hadn't I? Oh sweet Helga then I'd hugged him. And…and I'd slept in it. God I'd been so out of it. I didn't dare glance at Ginny as I fought hard to stop a furious blush. Predictably I failed and I felt so hot and flushed I shrugged out of the jumper as quickly as I could.

"Seriously Non?"

I blushed again at her words. I suppose actually that was rather a childish reaction of me. I evaded more of her questions for the next ten minutes while I got the baking trays ready but as soon as I'd placed them in the oven Ginny'd grabbed hold of my arm, and while levitating two more mugs of tea she all but marched me to the living room.

"Right you. Sit. Speak."

"Ginny I can't talk to you about him. He's your brother!"

"Oh don't be so silly Non, it's not like you'll be talking about you having sex. Now that I'd rather not know about."

I flushed again and as her eyebrows shot up I felt a bolt of anxiety shoot through me as George's words seemed to replay themselves in my head. I was _definitely_ not telling her what he'd said. I'd have to brush over the details.

What followed was the most agonizingly embarrassing five minutes that I'd had for a long time. I couldn't look Ginny in the face and as I recounted it out loud my actions seemed even more childish and absurd than even I'd thought before. As my eyes traced the edge of a blanket I'd wrapped around me, I heard her scoff.

"Idiot."

"I know, I know, I didn't mean to react like that-"

"Merlin Non, not _you!_ I meant Geroge, honestly, I swear sometimes Bill, Charlie and I were the only ones born with actual brains."

A startled snort of laugher left me as I glanced at her in surprise and she rolled her yes.

"He acted the pratt. You better not have apologised to him. I mean _seriously_ , one kiss and he goes straight to talking about sex."

She scoffed again and I puzzled over her words. I hadn't thought about it like that at all because the kiss had been so well…

 _Amazing._

…full on, had I not reacted right again? God perhaps I hadn't. I never seemed to know how to process any interaction properly.

"Why am I related to such idiots?"

It was the mock mournfulness of her words that had me surprise myself with another laugh.

"Join the club."

I surprised myself again by managing to keep the bitterness from my voice.

"Yeah okay, you're perhaps winning there. Although when I think about it what with Ron, Percy the bloody _twins_ I might just edge it. Non can you, I mean…why did you never mention him? Gruff I mean."

Who else could she have meant? I shrugged the thought off, going by Ginny's posture and chewing of her lip she was just nervous. I let out a deep sigh.

"And just have another awkward conversation about how a person from my past is dead? No thank you. Do you know how tiring it gets Gin to talk about my past, and then people ask me where so and so is now and _every_ time I'm like, oh you know, they're dead. I find talking to people hard without throwing stuff like that in."

And it was true. It was a bloody nightmare having to go through that process. And I meant what I'd said earlier too, I didn't like talking about things that hurt me. That's what the doors in my head were for, to keep those things away.

"You've kept pictures up of you and your parents through Non, there's nothing of him."

I grimaced. She had a point.

"Up until he left Gin, my life was good, no it was _perfect_. And then he just…disappeared. It…it _hurt_. And in a much different way to losing anyone else because there wasn't any closure. And I mean he wasn't actual family, he wasn't a friend from school, I didn't know where he fit, or even how to explain him."

"So you what, just erased him?"

I felt my mouth twist bitterly.

"I guess."

I couldn't even feel guilty about it.

"I wish I could know more about what you were like before Non. I know I saw you in classes, but it's not the same."

"I haven't changed _that_ much Ginny."

"Gruff seems to think you have."

Yeah well Gruff could go fuck himself. I might know that I still loved him, even be glad in a very twisted way he was here, but right that moment I was still oh so very angry with him again. It was a horrible mix.

I frowned as I stood up and made my way over to the small Welsh dresser tucked into an alcove to the right of my fire place. As I knelt down and opened one of the cupboard doors, I muttered a few incantations before reaching in to one of the hidden compartments to pull out and old and rather battered photo album. I shuffled back to the sofa before handing it to Ginny.

"I'm too shit with words to even know where to begin, but those are the photos that Mr Jones managed to save for me. They'll show you more than I ever could."

Ginny couldn't hide the curious gleam in her eye as she gently took the album from me although she did manage to send me a light frown.

"Do I even want to know the reasoning behind you keeping this in a secret compartment in your dresser?"

I shrugged.

"It just means they're safe. Look I'm going to go shower, can you take the cakes out of the oven when my timer goes?"

Ginny nodded her agreement and I hurried to head upstairs, trying to ignore the feeling of her eyes following me. I'd never shown those photos to anyone who was still alive and still known to me and I didn't really want to have sit down and talk through them. At least by hiding out in the shower I could avoid that part, while still satisfying some of Ginny's questions I hoped.

It was only when I was stood under the steady flow of hot water that I finally felt a residual stiffness in my shoulders disappear. I tried desperately to let all of my negative thoughts wash away, to at least try to create some sort of order in my head as to what to think on, what to process, as hard as that was going to be.

I knew as of Monday I had to be work focused, and Ron would have all of my attention. That was a given. I couldn't allow anything to interrupt that, it was far too dangerous. I worried my lip as I washed my hair. That meant I had basically two and a half days to get through, including a wedding. That was manageable, surely even I could do that. What I needed was a focus, that always made me feel better.

 _Charlie and Alina_.

Of course. I felt a squirm of guilt try and surge through me as to how I'd behaved so far on their wedding week. A drama like mine and Gruff's must be a nightmare for them to deal with when they've so much to plan and when all they should be focusing on is their big day.

I mean I could do it. I could go back and help, I liked being organised and it would give me a way to avoid spending too much time with any men whose names began with G. Because quite frankly it was going to take me a _long_ time to properly get my head around Gruff's reappearance and George…I didn't even know where to start. The thought of him made me uncomfortable yet I'd managed to hug him yesterday with no problem at all. It just didn't make sense, and that was something I was completely determined not to put myself through. Or well, to avoid it as much as possible at a Weasley family wedding.

I finally turned off the shower and tried to get dressed as quickly as I could. I had the feeling I'd taken too long and I didn't want Ginny to start worrying that I'd maybe done something stupid. I shivered at that thought. I can't believe they'd thought I would do anything like that at all.

I hurried down stairs and sniffed happily at the smell of freshly baked cakes and cookies. Now that was a smell that always made me feel better. I found Ginny at the kitchen table, the photo album closed in front of her as she munched on a cup cake.

"I couldn't resist sorry."

I waved her apology away as I grabbed a cupcake of my own.

"There's plenty it's no bother."

I started to pack up the cakes in their containers that would magically keep them fresh. I'd get around to decorating them next week. I cast Ginny a nervous glance as I did it as she was being strangely quiet and I was slightly disturbed to see her staring at me.

"You had blue hair."

I flushed at her words.

"Only once. When I was fifteen, it's I think in the top two of angry I ever saw my mam. It was my very brief flirtation with being a punk."

"Punk?"

"Yeah you know, the style and music and ah okay, it's a muggle thing." I'd seen she was still looking baffled. "It was just a phase anyway and very short lived. Gruff l-left a few weeks after I'd done it and it just didn't seem to matter anymore."

And I hadn't wanted to upset my distraught parents any more than they were.

"Did you do it yourself?"

"Nah, I got one of Gruff's friends to do it. Gruff refused point blank as he knew it would piss off my mam but Tomos, the drummer in their band was born an absolute arsehole so he never minded who he annoyed, helped me do it."

"Oh I saw a few of you with a band. He was a bit horrible then?"

I frowned as I thought back.

"Tomos never had a filter. Just said what he thought and didn't care if it upset you. Added to that he was near permanently high on weed. He hated that I'd hang around and help with rehearsals and stuff. I cramped their style, apparently."

I shook my head at the memory, half frowning but half wanting to smile.

"I much preferred Macsen, he played the bass and was nearer Gruff's age. He was like a giant big teddy bear and used to let me braid his beard."

My brief smile faltered though as I thought of them. They'd both been gone by the time I'd made it back home after the war and whilst I'd never expected Tomos to stick around I'd felt a bit hurt there was no word of Macsen. I'd always thought he'd liked me but maybe he, just like Tomos, had only put up with me because of Gruff.

"There seem to be an awful lot of photographs of you smiling in St Mungo's."

I was glad her words interrupted my thoughts, and my lips actually managed to twitch at that as I came to sit opposite her.

"Well I wasn't always risk averse you know. I was very…inquisitive? I think, when I was small. I don't think I really learnt to take stock of potential dangers until I hit about eleven or so. Now of course, I'm attune to all danger."

Ginny actually laughed at that but I could still see a puzzled frown so I nudged her leg under the table to prompt her.

"Sorry Non it's just…you're paired with _George_. And if you got into this much trouble when you were small and well George is George…I'm a bit worried about what children you might produce."

I gaped at her as she laughed, my mind ricocheting away from the thought of me, George and _making babies_.

God it's _sex_ Non, sex. I was so stupid sometimes.

"Honestly I think it's best we don't tell mum, up until this week she was convinced you were a nice young witch who would be a calming influence on him. I think you shocked her enough when Gruff arrived, no need to alarm her further."

Ginny was out and out teasing me now.

"Oh ha ha. Everyone is stupid when they're small you know."

She giggled again before getting to her feet and I slowly made a move to follow, taking my time to put the photo album away, pick up my bag, check I had my wand and to get my jacket.

"You're dawdling Non."

I ducked my head a bit, pushing my now annoyingly long hair behind my ear as I shrugged. As I was shutting the front door I heard the musical cry of a dragon overhead and I breathed in deeply. God but I loved it. It was like the note of their cry could run right through me and just lift me up. It was just so familiar to me.

 _It was safety._

The thought startled me. Most people would see dragons as a danger but after they'd inadvertently rescued me…I never felt safer than I did here.

"Urgh you are so going to be Charlie's favourite. I don't think you've ever smiled as sappily about anything apart from a dragon."

I blinked my eyes a few times, not realising I'd closed them and I actually managed a smile at Ginny's pout.

"They're living, breathing magic Ginny, what's not to love?"

I got an eye roll for that before she grabbed hold of my arm and with a crack, she apparated us to The Burrow.

I managed to navigate Friday afternoon fairly successfully all in all. I spent most of my time on my own getting rid of the garden gnomes not just from the garden but the surrounding fields too as much as I could so as to clear the way for the number of tents that were going to have to be put up for the guests. I quietly set about my task while trying to stifle the anxiety I could feel building about guests arriving. That means I was going to have to do some form of socialising. As someone paired with one of the brothers of Charlie I didn't think I'd be able to hide.

I'd made a point too of trying to apologise to Charlie and Alina for my behaviour but they'd just waved my concerns away. Worse, Charlie had even tried to apologise to _me_ which I found absolutely baffling. Gruff was still busy about the place, sorting the stage area but generally sending hurt looks in my direction that I wasn't going near him or anything to do with music. Whilst I was determined that he could pout all he wanted, a part of me was starting to feel a bit unsure.

Gruff has been so unwell when he'd disappeared, and while he clearly seemed to be a lot better now, what if coming back and seeing me brought all the old feelings back and he got unwell again? And I mean, I'd offloaded a hell of a lot on to him in our interactions this week too. I bit my lip. Damn him, why was _I_ having to feel guilty because of something that was his doing? It didn't stop me from worrying though.

Really my day had been almost good up until we all were sat down for the evening meal. George was about two seats up on the opposite end of the table and I'd pretended to be too busy to say hello to him as I helped set the table although we shared a strained smile now, as I twisted my hands in my lap. As much as I'd felt a massive surge of adrenaline at seeing him I'd at least been a bit relieved that he and Fred seemed to be on good terms again. That was something at least.

Gruff had plonked himself right by me, while Audrey had sat herself opposite and was making no pretence of trying to eat as she out and out glared at him. I cast a worried look at Percy but he just shook his head at me.

All in all it was a rather strained dinner at my end of the table but I was managing it just about. I figured I needed to show my face for one more hour before I could make my escape back home. Gruff excused himself as the table was being cleared to make way for dessert and I frowned after his retreating back although I got distracted by an angry snort from Audrey.

"What?"

I regretted my question as soon as I saw her chest puff out as she drew in a deep breath. While her dislike of Gruff had been palpable throughout the meal, I hadn't quite expected such an outpouring of loathing.

"He's a waster Non, a complete user, how he's treated you is _appalling_ , I can't wait for him to leave and – why are you glaring at me?"

I hadn't meant to glare but as she'd carried on I'd felt my annoyance grow. I knew every negative thing there was to know about Gruff but I knew a whole world of positives too. More, I knew how he'd been before he left, hell I almost understood now _why_ he had, and even though she was voicing a lot of my own thoughts that ultimately was the point. They were _my_ thoughts, she wasn't qualified to be casting such a judgement.

"Just leave him alone Audrey."

"Are you-are you _defending_ him Non? Because that is just-"

"Leave it Audrey."

Percy's quiet murmur still reached me and I jumped slightly as Audrey slammed down her glass and stormed away from the table to the house. Percy grimaced before hurrying after her. What the hell? My bafflement soon turned to concern though as I heard a group of voices getting closer and as Gruff made a reappearance I think my heart actually stopped when I saw who was with him.

Walking just a pace behind him was a smaller slightly scrawny man, his head shaved and tattoos covering nearly all of his visible skin save for his face, even on his fingers. Next to him was an almost overgrown Viking of a man, complete with a braid in his blonde hair and a simply ginormous beard. They may have respectively gained more tattoos and hair since last I'd seen them but it was undoubtedly Tomos and Macsen. I glanced at Ginny to see her eyebrows attempting to disappear into her hairline. I was stunned.

Just, what, I mean, what? How did they still now Gruff? Did that mean…had they been with him all this time? Known he was alive all this time, and not come and told me? I felt a sting of hurt at that. I'd almost reconciled myself over the years where there'd been no sign of them that they'd viewed me as nothing other than a mild annoyance to put up with but not tell me something as important as that? I didn't know what to think.

As they got closer I fidgeted in my seat. Merlin how was I supposed to act? Before I'd have flung myself delightedly at Macsen and probably punched Tomos in the arm but this wasn't before, so much time had passed I just wasn't sure what to do. I felt horribly, horribly awkward.

["NON BACH!"]

Wow okay, I'd forgotten how loud Macsen could be.

He was beaming at me expectantly, arms slightly outstretched but I didn't budge from my seat. I could feel panic starting to course through me. Shit, _shit_ , what was I supposed to say? I desperately searched for some words.

"Oh hi Macsen, how are you?"

Urgh that was so, that wasn't right, and I could see his face twist in confusion.

["What's this Non, no Welsh? Come here and give me a hug, I've missed you!"]

I had to fight to keep my face frown free at his words but as I didn't want to risk any more awkward pauses I got up and slowly walked to him and attempted to smile. I let out a small squeak of surprise as he scooped me up into a bear hug and spun me around before catching my legs up to hold me as if I were a small child. I huffed slightly and tried to move an armful of beard out of my face. He was smiling widely much like he'd always done and I felt confusion settle over me. I mean he was _acting_ like he still liked me, and to be fair Macs was normally so straightforward and simple, deception wasn't really something he practiced.

["It's nice to see you Macs."]

Maybe for now I should just play along until I could suss out exactly what was going on. I tried to peer around him to catch sight of Tomos. I'd have to greet him with a swearword, that was always pretty standard for the two of us, but I saw he'd already made it half way up the table to harangue Charlie about something, with the amount of 'fucks' that were appearing at pretty much every other word.

I couldn't even bring myself to glance at Gruff as I tried to extricate myself from Macsen's hold as we reached the table as I was fighting off another bloom of hurt. Gruff had just announced that Tomos and Macsen made up the rest of the music group that would be playing at the wedding. So they'd all just carried out being in a band and playing without me. Carried on like nothing had changed but left me all the fuck alone. How nice.

I nodded at all the right places as Macsen pretty much talked at me. It turned out he'd set up a little tattoo shop on the reservation in Romania, he'd gotten married _and_ he had two kids. I wondered about that despite my hurt. He'd always been so absentminded and lax about safety I badly wanted to ask how he actually managed to cope with kids, but it was like all my words had dried up.

By the time Mrs Weasley arrived back with the trays of dessert bowls hovering behind her the table was full of laud chatter and laughter as Gruff, Macsen and Tomos had taken the opportunity to start telling everyone embarrassing tales from when Charlie and Alina first started dating. I was able to just sit quietly as I tried to calm my thoughts. I glanced nervously around the table only to find that George was looking at me and I stilled but all he did was send me a small smile and nod of his head before he turned to start talking to Fred, and I slowly let out a breath. Okay that, that wasn't so bad, I could cope with that level of interaction.

I slowly reached for my spoon but my hand stilled when I finally clocked what was in the dessert bowl. It was ice cream. Oh God.

I inhaled slowly through my nose as I set about readying myself to eat it as quickly as possible without giving myself brain freeze, and I scooped up a spoonful.

"What the fuck are you doing? You hate ice cream."

I shot a startled look at Tomos who was staring at me with his normal typical half sneer. I'd never met anyone else who loved to be quite so permanently antagonistic. I scrambled for an answer.

"Hey Mrs Weasley have you got anything else? Non doesn't like ice cream."

I gaped at him, appalled. He was always so, so fucking rude!

"It's fine Molly!" I called out as quickly as I could. "I don't mind it, it's fine."

"She hates it, always has."

I had to direct my glare at Gruff now but he just frowned at me.

"It. Is. Fine."

I managed to grind the words out and to back up my point I shovelled the ice cream into my mouth and even amazed myself by managing not to grimace as I ate it. Mrs Weasley was looking torn between confused and upset and Merlin that was the _last_ thing I needed. Only problem was that now my mouth was full Tomos took full advantage.

"Fucking hell Non, what's happened to you? Putting up with something just to be polite. You used to be fucking better than that, shit you even got detention from Binns of all fucking things because you didn't want to put up with a shit fucking history syllabus."

I flushed as I felt attention focus on me, but also that Tomos had even recalled that. He'd always liked to act that I was someone he had to put up with I never thought he actually paid attention to what went on.

"You- you got detention Non dear?"

I had to hide a wince. Sure she'd said 'dear' but Mrs Weasley's tone was decidedly cool.

"Um." I ducked my head slightly as I tried to fight my blush. "Not very often. And not for anything bad. I only _suggested_ ,"I shot Tomos a glare as I spoke, "to Professor Binns that we cover other topics."

Gruffudd let out a snort of laughter.

"Suggested! You drafted up a whole new syllabus and effectively rubbished his work. Politely of course."

The last bit he'd directed at Mrs Weasley, as though that would help.

"What would you have preferred be covered Non?"

I shot a suspicious glance at Bill. While he seemed genuinely interested I couldn't be sure.

"I-I just thought we should cover more modern history like the rise of Grindelwald and You Know Who from the first time. Learn how they were able to gain power. I d-don't think just learning about older history like the Goblin wars is good if we ignore the more recent stuff. If we d-don't learn about recent mistakes we can't learn from them."

And it allows the same things to happen over and over again. Which it had, although that hadn't been my concern at the time.

"Oh fuck off trying to sound smart Non you just wanted to learn about historical hotties, isn't that what you called it?"

"Piss off Tomos that was Chloe not me!"

"Don't fucking lie you had a whole section on it. The one about the Scottish witch was the best, the one that murdered people with her breasts."

My jaw dropped.

"How the fuck did you remember that?"

"Wait, wait, wait, _historical hotties?_ Murdered people with her breasts? Non, I think I speak for the table when I say _please_ elaborate."

I was really quite alarmed by the delighted look on Fred's face. I automatically glanced at Hermione's face for support but she was gazing at me like I was a stranger and I looked quickly away.

"Look she, she didn't really murder them with her breasts," my face felt like it was on fire, "she just… she was Ellen McGuire and in the 1830s she killed a total of five wizards by luring them to her room above a tavern where she poisoned them. It just so happened the poison was dusted on her breasts. All her victims were rapists."

I shrugged before I frowned.

" _Alleged_ rapists actually but that was the point. She basically took the law into her own hands."

"But why would you want to learn about her?"

Hermione sounded really quite bemused.

"Because it's interesting. Binns always made history of magic so _boring_. You could have used examples like her to analyse the changes in magical law over the centuries."

"Non, that's brilliant. I had no idea you'd approached Binns about it."

I ducked my head at Ginny's words, Merlin I didn't like compliments and they were all just bloody looking at me.

"That's what I told her. You got what – a month's detention for that? I've still got your letter where you're raging about it."

Gruff chuckled to himself as he finished off his ice cream. I shrugged again, trying to ignore a weird thrill of what I thought might be happiness at his words, before deciding to attempt another mouthful of my own, anything to get attention away from me only to see that Macsen had snaffled my bowl as seconds. I risked a glance at his face only to see him wink as he carried on eating and I smiled despite myself.

I hunkered down then and was pleased everyone else just carried on chatting while I tried to get back to grips with the adrenaline that was swirling around inside me. It was so awkward and difficult and Merlin the _fear_ when I could feel people focus on me…I knew it was a bit stupid but it didn't stop my body reacting. At least I'd hardly stuttered which I supposed was a positive.

"Oi, cow bag, we're off to rehearse c'mon."

I blinked my eyes back into focus to see Tomos stood next to Gruff and staring expectantly and he sighed with impatience when I took too long to respond.

"I don't fucking care if you don't sing anymore you still play right?"

He crossed his arms and glared and I had to fight a sigh of my own. I'd forgotten how grumpy, moody and downright precious he could be. I cast a nervous glance at the end of the table but Mr Weasley wasn't there thankfully given I'd lied to him about playing instruments.

"I don't really play any more Tomos, you'd be better off practicing without me."

"Fuck, you're shitting me right? You don't sing, you don't play, fuck why not just piss on your mam's grave while you're at it."

I flinched at his words but before I could react further he'd stormed off after looking at me like _he_ was hurt. Gruffudd snapped out his name before heading off after him.

["Don't mind him lovely. You know he doesn't handle disappointment well."]

I shook my head to try and clear it from Tomos' words about my mam bouncing around inside and glanced at Macsen.

["But why would he be disappointed?"]

["Believe it or not Non we have missed you. You always made rehearsals more fun you know."]

I bit my lip to stop myself from blurting out an answer. They can't have bloody missed me that much if they hadn't contacted me.

["Anyway Non I've saved a job for you if you do not mind."] Macsen bent his head down closer to wink, ["Braid my beard?"]

I felt a smile tug at the side of my mouth before it grew into a true one and I nodded. I was still uncertain about a whole lot of things but I had _loved_ braiding his beard when I was younger. There was just something about separating it into sections and braiding different threads or beads into it if he let me. I suppose it was because it was methodical, and there was a whole lot more of beard to be working with now.

["It's grown so long Macs. It's amazing."]

["I've not cut it in ten years now."]

I giggled slightly at how proud he was and we quickly cleared a space before he set out his beard grooming kit and I got to work. To begin with he just carried on chatting away at me, filling me in on an awful lot about Gruffudd that I'd been too stubborn to ask about myself and it was like little pieces clicking together. When I got nearer his mouth though he had to stop talking and that was when my thoughts started to take over.

I couldn't help replaying Tomos' words. Was I pissing on my mam's grave by not playing? She'd spent so much time teaching me, perhaps I was. It just…it just _hurt_ so much, that it was easier to not do it. To just not deal with it. Added to that that music nearly always made me want to sing and the bitterness I felt about not being allowed to do that ate away at me far too much for me to allow it to get a foothold. So you know, the music had to go. That was _sensible_ surely. But was I letting her down, letting her memory down?

A drop of water splashed onto Macsen's beard and I stared between it and the sky in confusion. What on earth? It couldn't possibly be rain, the sky was clear. I turned my confusion to Macsen only to freeze in shock. He was…he was crying.

["Macs lovely, what's wrong?"]

He was quiet for a very long moment before he finally spoke, his voice thick with emotion.

["You're so sad Non. I'm so sorry."]

I'd actually for the most part been feeling quite content when braiding his beard, apart from the thoughts of my mam obviously and I frowned.

["We should have tried harder to find you Non. We should have…"]

His words seemed to disappear as my mind reeled. Tried to find me? Had they? Did he mean Gruff in that too?

Macsen moving away from me suddenly to stand and go striding off clicked me back into focus.

["Macs what are you doing? I hadn't finished your beard!"]

There was something off about the set of his shoulders and as my observational skills started to slowly click back into gear I finally realised what it was. They were tense with anger and, oh dear Merlin his hands were bunched into fists. He was angry. I scrambled from my seat and raced after him, checking for my wand. I rounded a couple of rose bushes to bring me into a clearing with some tents just in time to see Macsen send Gruff flying with a punch and I shrieked.

["STOP! Stop, what the fuck are you doing?"]

I desperately sent some blocking jinxes to prevent his other blows form landing. Macsen was close to six and a half feet and he was _strong_. He could cause serious harm with just one of his punches. What was worse was that Gruff was already sporting a cut eyebrow and from the way I could now see Tomos cradling his left hand they'd both clearly had a fight too. Thank Merlin they weren't using their wands.

I finally managed to erect a shield between Macsen and Gruff and I stood between them trying to catch my breath.

["Macsen please, don't hurt him."]

"Hey how about speaking fucking English here so we can all understand."

Great Tomos was in one of _those_ moods and I cast him an irritated glance before sighing.

"I was only asking him not to hurt him Tomos, don't be so fucking touchy."

"Fucking hell, _fucking hell_. I bloody told you Macs. The daft bitch will never not forgive him. Non let me spell it out for you. He. Treated. You. Like. Shit. A beating from Macs is the least he deserves."

"He wasn't, he wasn't well Tomos."

I murmured the words quietly as I didn't want to alarm Gruff but as I glanced over my shoulder I could see he was shaking his head lightly and looking mildly dazed, so I suppose I needn't have worried.

"How can you even begin to defend him?" Tomos howled with such disbelief that I flinched.

"It's called empathy Tomos. Just because _you_ aren't capable of it doesn't mean others aren't. I get why he left. I don't…I don't understand why he didn't come back or send word, I doubt I ever will but you don't get to fucking hurt him. He hurt _me_ not you. And anyway you all have to play at a wedding on Sunday, don't spoil things for Charlie and Alina."

"Oh no you don't, don't fucking try and twist things around here. He deserves a good kicking doesn't he Macs?"

"Non cariad, Tomos is right. What Gruff did wasn't right. We told him enough times."

Macsen I could see had managed to calm himself and I took the opportunity to lower the shield and check on Gruff. A quick couple of taps cleaned up his eyebrow and chin but he'd need some sort of clearing potion to stave off a probable concussion.

"Fucking out with it Non, what the hell hold has he got on you that you can even begin to forgive him?"

I felt a shiver run over me at the thought that crossed my mind.

 _He's alive._

And really I think it was as simple as that.

 _I'm not alone._

I'd thought so many times, normally after I'd visited my parents' grave, that I felt that the foundations that I'd built my life on had been taken form me. Gruff had been one of those but when I lost him I'd still had the two strongest pillars to balance on. When I'd lost my parents…it was like being in free fall where you'd occasionally manage to catch a hold onto something but it was almost like clinging to a vertical cliff face. Everything was harder, everything was a struggle, and you were always just one missed handhold from falling. But now…

I had something. Something solid from my past, that whilst being exceptionally unreliable it was still a prop. It was the mere fact of _knowing_ that there was someone out there that I had a link with that resonated with me. Instead of a cliff, it was now the slope of an exceptionally steep mountain. Still hard, but by Merlin not as hard as before. I blinked slowly, it was like coming out of a fog.

"He's alive."

"What, that's it? The great wondrous thing is that despite letting you think he was dead he is in fact, not?"

I flinched at Tomos' tone as I hauled Gruff to his feet.

"Look why the fuck do you even care anyway? I know you only ever found me annoying."

I flinched again at the hurt that seemed to flicker on his face before I shook my head and let Gruff back towards the barn area.

"Non bach that's not fair. We looked for you."

My shoulders stiffened at Macsen's words that followed me but I ignored them until I'd sat Gruff at the table and rummaged through my bag for a potion for him before I finally snapped.

"What do you mean, you looked for me?"

Tomos and Macsen were stood by the table and they shared a look before Tomos finally broke their silence with a sneer.

"My mother still lives Aber way you know so we went back for a visit a couple years ago. Popped over to see old Mr Jones to ask after you. Said you were at a cottage but we never found it and the nasty old bugger just laughed when we told him and wouldn't tell us any more."

I felt a heavy lump settle in my stomach. It was something like shame, mixed with guilt, mixed with anguish. It was horrible.

"Oh. I-I have really strong wards up."

 _So no danger can find me_.

I never even thought that it would keep away those I'd like to see.

"We'd wanted to see if you were alright cariad. Gruff was adamant that you were, told us all about you being an auror but we wanted to check for ourselves."

I frowned heavily at that. That didn't make sense, not if it was a couple of years ago because Charlie couldn't possibly have told them back then.

"How did you know I was an auror?"

I glanced at Gruff whose eyes were now bright and clear after taking the potion I'd handed him.

"You were never going to be anything else Non."

He shrugged after, like it was the most obvious answer in the world. I stared at him feeling momentarily dumbstruck. No one, _no one_ else ever even remotely thought that I would be an auror.

 _He knows me_.

I launched myself forward to hug him fiercely as I tried to battle with the swirl of happiness and bitterness that was churning inside me but for once the happiness seemed to win and I laughed as he hugged me back.

"Oh for fuck's sake, she's a lost cause Macs, let's leave them to it."

We must have hugged for a long moment because when I stepped back and Gruff stood up, Macsen and Tomos were nowhere to be seen.

["Go for a walk with me?"]

I cast a quick look around but it seemed everyone else had retreated to the house and I bit my lip, a brief flicker of indecision about maybe needing to talk to George passed over me before I shrugged it off and nodded my head.

We walked in silence for quite a long time, just out over the fields at the back of the Weasley's property before Gruff found an old fallen down tree for us to sit on.

["C'mon out with it Non, what's in your head?"]

I bit my lip as I tried to find the words.

["I've worked so hard to keep myself safe that I've blocked everyone out. If I'd had even slightly less strong wards they'd have found me and Gruff…we'd have met again two years ago."]

I felt such a large wave of regret hit me that my eyes filled with tears and I rubbed at my face in annoyance.

["If I'd not been such a coward Non I'd have found you years ago, don't you dare blame yourself. Look I genuinely thought you would be better off without me. I was a down and out drunk, an absolute waster and it took me a long time to sort myself out."]

["I just don't get why you could ever think I'd be better off without you."]

I was genuinely baffled by it. Just how messed up had his thinking got that it had led him to that conclusion?

["Tell me, do you reckon how you're feeling now about my actions, is how your George felt when you told him you never thought he could like you?"]

["He's not- he's not _my_ George."] I spluttered with embarrassment and was exceptionally glad it was dark so my blush wasn't visible. I didn't know how to take his words either. Did George think that my thinking was messed up? Was he just as baffled as me?

["Non if you can't bring yourself to like yourself, you're always going to struggle with letting anyone else do so. Trust me, I'm pretty much an expert on this."]

 _Do you hate yourself that much?_

I felt a shiver pass over me as George's words replayed themselves in my head.

["I've got a good reason not to like myself Gruff."]

["I used to think exactly that, and look where it got me."]

I grunted an acknowledgement of his words but it still didn't change the fact that George was far too good for me. I tried about three times unsuccessfully to speak and explain myself but failed miserably.

["You're repressed Non."]

I spluttered in indignation at his words. How the fuck would he know when he hadn't even been here?

["Hear me out. When was the last time you actually spoke in Welsh Non before I turned up? Can you even remember?"]

I shook my head. I really couldn't. Probably with Mr Jones on the rare times that I saw him.

["It's your first language Non whether you realise it or not you're having to change how you'd normally think just to communicate in English, so you've got that for starters. Secondly, you don't sing and I know that's not your fault and must be so shit, but it's an outlet you used to have and now you don't. And most importantly at all you've stopped playing music. Non that was _always_ your way of best expressing yourself. Whether you were sad, happy or angry you always had music to match it. Lovely if you've got none of those, how on earth are you even managing to work through your feelings? To express yourself? All I've seen since I got here is you accommodating everyone else even if it's something you don't like. It's not healthy. "]

I was absolutely floored by his words. I didn't…I didn't even know how to begin to respond and he sighed.

["Look let's just go back, Tomos should have calmed down by now but …think on my words? Please?"]

I nodded silently as I slowly stood and I let him talk at me all the way back to the tent.

The rest of Friday evening I sat contentedly listen to the three of them set about tuning their instruments or testing the set up on stage even though I knew they'd go through it all again at least twice on Saturday and again on the morning of the wedding. Tomos had indeed calmed down and I showed him my appreciation of his thoughtfulness in actually trying to find me by smashing a cup cake into his face, as I knew he'd have hated an out an out thanks. I knew he'd understood by the smirk he sent my way. I finally managed to finish braiding Macsen's beard too and he quite sensibly placed a charm on it to stop it from coming undone before the wedding.

I hadn't intended on sleeping in Gruff's tent again but as the night dragged on and their stories continued I couldn't bring myself to drag myself away. It was so nice just to be able to switch off and to listen, and to laugh along with their stories. Most of their humour I still understood but there were moments where they rattled off in jokes and I'd feel the sharp barb of loss that they'd moved on without me, but those moments were brief and passed quickly enough.

To my amazement I again didn't have a nightmare which was a good thing really as Saturday was all go. I thankfully didn't have to deal with the worry of George for most of the day as he still had the shop to run but I was kept more than busy with the final preparations for guests arriving, the food preparations and just out and out fooling around with Gruff, Tomos and Macsen. If I tried hard enough I could pretend that I was fifteen again. I knew I still had a lot to process when it came to Gruff but just like I had when I'd arrived back from Azkaban I was pushing it to one side. Just for once I wanted to just enjoy myself without the worry, as I knew that would start up soon enough when the guests arrived.

It was after lunch that Ron made an appearance. He'd apparently been holed up in his room and I felt a smidge guilty that I hadn't thought to ask or check but he waved aside my words.

"Non bloody hell think of the week you've had. It's fine. I've been working through stuff so don't think on it until Monday. There is however one thing you have to do today."

I bounced on my feet impatiently as he rifled through his bag. God if he was going to get me to fill out paperwork or some boring thing for him I was going to be so annoyed. My burgeoning annoyance however disappeared when I saw what was in his hands and I gasped happily.

"Training!"

Ron rolled his eyes at how happy I sounded and held up a warning finger before he handed me two small purple boxes.

"Only in the paddock out the back and _no where else_ do you hear me. I had to get special permissions to take these from the office. Oh and here's your training kit."

"Why Ron Weasley have you been in my locker."

I got another eye roll and a grunt this time at my teasing before I gently took everything from him and hurried up to the house to change. God it felt like so long since I'd trained properly seeing as I'd had to pretend to be bloody _Nina_ for weeks. After changing as quickly as I could I hurried down to the paddock, hardly able to contain my excitement. Merlin I couldn't wait, this was just what I needed, I'd already been super fidgety that morning and been told off by Mr Weasley for doing a back flip off the stage. That memory still rankled a bit as the guys had all sniggered at the look of outrage that must have been on my face, but honestly outside of work I couldn't remember the last time I'd been properly told off. It was a very strange experience.

I carefully set the smaller cube on the floor first and tapped it with my wand and beamed as I saw the assault course swell up and bloom out across the floor. It wasn't your typical action one, this one was primarily focused on balancing. I didn't get to do it often because Beckett couldn't stand that I was already so good at it and I paused for a moment. Was that why Ron had brought it? Because he knew I was good at it and it would make me feel better? I wondered at that for a long moment before I shook my head.

I would only have about an hour to complete it. It wasn't a long course at all, the whole point of this one was that you had to control every single movement and that meant you had to move slowly. Any sudden jerks of overbalancing then the course was triggered with stinging jinxes and those were far too painful to want to be hit with frequently. I set about doing some stretches first before I stepped lightly onto the opening platform and began.

One of the most important things about keeping your balance was your breathing and I first set about falling into a steady rhythm before I finally started to move. It was a challenging course and the problem with moving so slowly was you had to hold positions for long moments and that caused muscle fatigue to set in quickly. The big positive though was that at all times I was in complete control of every single part of my body and I loved it. To have such expert control over your limbs, to be able control precisely when and where I moved, to truly feel myself being in control. After the week I'd had this was the perfect remedy. It was the reminder I'd needed; I could control myself now. There would be, as much as I hated it, always outside forces that I couldn't but for everything that was me myself directly? I controlled every aspect of it. And I needed to know that.

When I finally finished I'd managed to get through it with only two stinging jinxes having hit me and I wiped at my sweaty forehead in relief. That had gone really, really well. I summoned my drink to me and took a few moments just to stretch out my muscles again before I set out the next cube. This was a balancing task again but it was the one I had described to George. As soon as I opened it three of our duelling dummies would spring into action and I had to dodge every single jinx, hex or curse that came my way without tripping or retaliating with my own magic. It was _not_ easy and getting hit with one of the spells was never a pleasant experience.

I had never been so relieved for an hour to be up as I collapsed to the floor gasping for breath. That was _exhausting_. Fun too though, and I giggled to myself. Training for the most part had always been one of my favourite parts of work especially when it was solo training. I lay on the ground until my breathing evened out before I hauled myself to my feet and carefully collected up both cubes to deliver back to Ron. It was with some astonishment I realised that I had a smile on my face. God this was the happiest I'd felt since…

…. _dancing with George at Susan's wedding_.

My smile flickered. Even then I'd still been massively anxious so this was a better happiness. It was a contentedness I'd not felt for a good long while and I nearly skipped back to the garden. I was also feeling another thing that I hadn't felt properly for weeks. I was _starving_.

To my complete bafflement Ron had a plate of food ready for me.

"How did you even know…?"

I was greeted with a snort of a laugh.

"Don't worry I've not magically become all sympathetic. Luna figured you'd need something."

I gazed around for her somewhat guiltily. I was aware I'd been neglecting her lately and she deserved so much better when she was always so thoughtful.

"Where is she anyway?"

"Oh she's roped Macs into helping her hunt for something. Apparently he said he'd be very good at protecting her. Mentioned he'd fought off a bull once?"

I snorted so hard I swear to Merlin food almost came out of my nose, and when I'd finally managed to swallow I cackled so hard I think I startled Ron.

"He did not-" I gasped for breath, "he did _not_ fight off a bull."

I was near crying with laughter at the memory. It had been on the way back from one of their gigs and we'd had to pull the van over as Macs needed a piss. He climbed into a field with a bull though, and whilst he clearly swore to the day he'd fought it off what he never seemed to remember was that I'd had to use Gruff's wand to charm the bull into running in the opposite direction. I mean it was amazing he remembered any of it at all given how drunk they'd been but he had always claimed he'd won. He had clearly blocked out the part where he'd been running away screaming.

After I'd eaten I headed inside to shower and change my clothes. I had considered going home to do it but seeing as we'd need all hands on deck when people arrived I figured it made more sense to stay.

My happy adrenaline started to wear off in the shower and my nerves started to pick up again. I wasn't good at meeting new people and whilst I felt more myself today than I had done in days I still wasn't brilliant. I think a part of me knew that I was putting off some important stuff but I was determined the weekend would be good for Charlie and Alina and again I was finding if I focused on that it made things easier.

My new found resolve however faltered quite badly when I exited the bathroom and found myself face to face with George. The urge to back peddle and close the door on him was almost overwhelming.

"Hi."

"Um…hello. How-how was work?"

I nearly winced at how formal I sounded.

"Yeah it was good. Busy. Glad I can start to get things ready for Charlie's wedding."

There was a small flicker of mischief across his face as he pulled at the collar of his jumper as though it was uncomfortable.

"Oh right, you two planned something?"

A grin managed to make an appearance but he didn't say anything, only winked, before he sighed.

"Look Non can I-may I ask you something?"

My fingers curled up into my palms as I had to fight playing with the ends of my sleeves and I nodded nervously.

"Give me a day?"

I blinked.

"Huh?"

"I know I shouldn't ask but it's been so hard to watch and leave others to help you feel better but please, can you give me a day? Tomorrow? I-I've missed talking to you."

I felt a swirl of guilt hit me in my stomach. I'd hardly missed George at all, if anything I'd been relieved I had so many other things to distract me. And besides I was enjoying spending time with Gruff, Macs and Tomos even with the associated problems that came with them. I bit my lip as I struggled how to tell him no.

"Please?"

I shouldn't have looked at his face. He was somehow managing to look both mournful and hopeful at the same time and as guilt hit me again I couldn't help but feel that I'd treated him badly. First about not being honest with him about the friends/more than friends part, and now that I had been so happy to actively avoid him. I could feel myself hesitating.

"It would really mean a lot to me Non."

I was doomed. I always had been a sucker of trying to make others happy but now with George's fucking puppy dog eyes looking at me, I could hardly say no.

"A-alright."

I swallowed heavily and nearly took a step back at the smile that appeared on his face. Well shit, was this not just leading him on a bit?

"Just a day."

I blurted out the words to try and curb what looked like enthusiasm spreading across his face and he nodded.

"I understand."

He'd been staring at his feet as he said it but he looked up then and sent one of those funny smiles at me again and I felt like I'd been punched in the chest. He had seemed convinced when we argued that it wasn't anxiety I felt around him but as the adrenaline coursed around my body and my stomach churned, I didn't see how it could possibly be anything else. I managed a nervous smile though before rambling an excuse about needing to help Gruff as I hurried away.

The rest of my Saturday wasn't anywhere near as good. I now had the constant nagging worry of having to spend the wedding day with George, as well as preparing myself for the influx of guests who would be starting to arrive. They were coming over the evening before as so many were travelling from Romania and it was easier for them to recover from the journey for a night before the wedding.

Rather luckily for me, Tomos had been all but banished to the stage so he wouldn't risk offending the guests that didn't know him given his track record of foul language and a distinct lack of tact, so I took it upon myself to chaperone him. I was actually quite pleased with how the evening went as it meant I could keep a distance from most everyone but still effectively show my face and pretend to be socialising. It also gave me time to try and settle my nerves. It was just so incredibly frustrating that while I knew I could face dangers and cope with them the thought of socialising and attending a wedding with George was again sending me all off kilter. I just could never understand why my body was convinced that it would be something I had to be anxious about. Merlin I hated it, even when I'd managed half a good day my anxiety had come back to pull me back down.

I managed to escape to my own cottage that night but I slept terribly. First because I was worrying about how to act around George and then, somewhere during the night I realised that I hadn't sorted out any dress robes to wear. I'd had to get up then and then to check, and I'd worn my only suitable ones to Susan's wedding and I hadn't had a chance to clean them properly.

My anxiety ate at me that night, there was no other way I could describe it. It was like it was physically consuming me from the inside and even when I tried to calm myself by telling myself I could ask Ginny to borrow something it didn't stop my mind convincing me I'd have nothing to wear.

In a weird way this was a familiar worry and it almost made me feel like I was back to normal. On the other hand it was a horrible, draining and an irrational worry and one I hated getting. It was like I could never win.

I managed to hold out until about half eight in the morning before I apparated directly to The Burrow, only to be horrified that Ginny wasn't there.

"But what is it Non, can I help?"

Fleur was looking disgustingly radiant given how early it was in the morning and I hesitated. Merlin this was so embarrassing.

"Oh it's just stupid. I-I was going to ask her if I could borrow some dress robes."

I ended on a mumble, this was honestly just so mortifying.

"Oh but I have some you can borrow! Quick come with me I shall take you to mine, let me just tell Molly first."

Before I could muster up any protestations Fleur had me by the hand and was marching me out of The Burrow before she took me by side along apparition to her house which I knew to be called Shell Cottage.

"Welcome to our home Non, come in! Bill should be downstairs with Victoire, I shall just go and see where I have put the dress robe I am thinking of. I know just the one that will suit."

I was all but bundled into the house as Fleur hurried off upstairs and I hesitantly followed the noises downstairs until I found myself in the living room only to slap a hand over my mouth at the involuntary snigger of laughter that left me.

Bill was with Victoire all right. It seemed Victoire had decided to be a hair dresser this morning and the number of wonky pigtails Bill Weasley's long hair had been awkwardly scooped into was quite something.

A noise of startled alarm left him but given he was at his daughter's mercy he couldn't currently move and I saw him close his eyes with a sigh before he snapped them open and pointed a warning finger at me.

"Don't you dare tell my siblings."

I sniggered again behind my hand. I don't think I would ever find Bill properly intimidating again not when I could summon up this mental picture.

"I will do my best not to."

"But you won't promise."

The dry resignation in his voice had me grinning, even as I agreed with him. Just then I heard Fleur call out to me and with a small smirk at Bill I hurried to follow her voice.

She was in what had to be the guest bedroom upstairs and she had in her arms deep green dress robes.

"Aha here you go. I bought them as I liked the style but forgot, this colour does not suit me."

I gaped at her in disbelief.

"Fleur I think _every_ colour would suite you."

"Ah non!"

I blinked for a moment wondering whether she'd said my name or just no, although either way I guess I understood her protestation.

"Here try it on, I shall help you change."

I wondered if it was a French thing or just a Fleur thing that she seemed to have no qualms at all with practically helping my undress and slip into the dress robes, but I was slightly mortified.

"Oh honestly do not be so embarrassed Non, sometimes you English are so funny about things."

I couldn't help the scowl that appeared on my face as I clutched the dress robe to me as it was gaping at the front.

"I'm not English, Fleur."

"Of course not, I am sorry. It was so nice to hear you speaking Welsh Non, to speak your own language. You seemed, what is the word, much more free? More yourself? And it sounds such an expressive language! I like it very much."

I didn't know whether it was because Fleur was part Veela, or because she spoke so quickly, or something that was simply her but even as she was speaking she was making adjustments with her wand to the dress robes and I mean it was…well shit it really was proper magic. How she made the changes so perfectly. Her charm work was exquisite.

When she stepped back the robes fit much better and I smiled tentatively.

"Are you sure Fleur? I feel so bad you've had to change them."

"Oh hush I never wore them they were just being wasted. Now you sit here and I will do your hair and make-up."

I felt a surge of alarm but she just laughed at the panic that must have been showing on my face.

"You must allow me this Non. I used to make up my sister Gabrielle all of the time but now we live so far away I do not get to do it. Please?"

"I-I don't. I don't tend to wear makeup Fleur and I've never managed to get any charms to work with my hair."

Mainly because I was so bad at them but that wasn't the point. I didn't like feeling made up. I liked being able to hide behind my hair. I didn't know if I wanted that to change. Fleur glanced at me seriously for a moment.

"Non tell me, do you think you are pretty?"

I didn't like her question and I had to resist the urge to cross my arms to wrap around my middle.

"I don't think I'm ugly."

I knew that I wasn't. That wasn't my issue.

"Ah but that is not what I asked."

I frowned even as I tapped out a nervous rhythm with my thumb against my finger and tried hard not to chew on my lip. I knew the answer to that but I was too ashamed to voice it, so I just shook my head.

"Come sit here and listen to me. She had sat herself daintily on the edge of the bed and I perched nervously near her.

"Looks do not make a person Non. Beauty or prettiness or anything like that it is not on your outside. And I know what you must think, oh it is easy for me to say no? But that is not true. I am part Veela. I have been judged on my "looks" my whole life and no one, not one saw _me_ until Bill. They saw the Veela magic, not my own beauty. It took me a long time to learn that I was pretty for being me, Fleur, than pretty for being part Veela. And it is the same with you Non. You must learn that you are pretty as you."

This was all getting a bit close to what Gruff had been saying to me, about learning to like myself and I shifted nervously, my fingers outright twisting together now and I ducked my head. I didn't see how I could ever be seen as pretty from the inside, not after all I had seen and done.

"I-I don't see it, Fleur."

It took a lot for me to admit that to her and she smiled softly before she squeezed my hands to stop me twisting them in my lap.

"Then you must let others show you it no? You must believe them when they speak to you truly."

She didn't seem to mind that I didn't have a reply to that and she quietly set about charming my hair and makeup. She was amazingly quick at it for which I was grateful and I was even happier when she led me to a mirror.

"You've hardly done anything!"

"You do not need it. Most people do not, make up should not be used to change how you look but to-to, ah what is the word? Just make better what is already there?"

"Oh I know that one it's, oh damn I can't remember it, it's…"

I trailed off as I thought furiously. I knew it began with an e, but what was it?

"Accentuate?"

"Ah yes Bill that is it, thank you my love."

Or you know, begins with an a but whatever. Merlin I sucked at spelling. And words. I smiled sheepishly at Bill who had appeared in the doorway, his hair now devoid of any pigtails.

"You look very nice Non."

I flushed.

"Oh right yeah, I'm a bit ready stupidly early I suppose but…" I trailed off desperately wanting to duck my head but I could practically feel Fleur's eyes boring into me. "Er, thank you?"

"Well, that is a start."

Fleur smiled at me before asking me to wait downstairs while she too got changed. Charlie and Alina were actually getting married just before midday. Apparently her family wanted to make the most of a big get together and party so it made sense to get the boring vow part out of the way first. I snorted to myself at that thought. Merlin only I could be thinking on the day of a wedding that the actual wedding part was the boring bit to get out of the way. It was the most important part of the whole day!

Bill and Victoire managed to distract me from my residual nerves and also stop me pondering too much on Fleur's words which I was thankful for. There was also just something so nice and calm about them and I liked that.

Before too long Fleur was back downstairs and looking positively radiant, so much so that Bill looked slightly dazed and I wondered at that. They'd been together so long now, had he still not gotten used to it?

By the time Fleur and I made it back to The Burrow it had gotten a lot busier and when it seemed obvious that there were too many people all trying to help out in a small space I decided to make my way over to Gruff just to get out of the way.

"Not bad Llew, not bad at all."

I rolled my eyes at Tomos' words.

"Cheers."

["You grew up."]

["No shit Gruff. You look lovely cariad."]

I shifted awkwardly at Macsen's words and tried not to scowl at Gruff's as I knew it would make me slightly angry. And you know this was another reason I hated dressing up, bloody everyone had to comment on how you looked and Merlin knew I liked to be all nice and inconspicuous in the background.

"Uh oh, your ball and chain's arrived Non."

My annoyance with Gruff disappeared when I saw him punch Tomos in the arm at his words. What I couldn't prevent was the swirling sick nerves that ballooned inside me as I turned to see George standing near the rear porch to the house. I swallowed heavily and had to resist all temptation to touch my hair or duck my head. I took one more deep breath to try and muster up as much courage as I could before I started to walk my way over.

Merlin, this was going to be a long day.

"You look beautiful Non."

He'd waited until I stood level with him to speak and I dug my nails into the palms of my hand to try and keep myself looking outwardly calm, although I could feel a splotch blush wash over me.

"Th-thanks so do you." I winced. "Handsome I mean."

"Not beautiful?"

He was pretending to look crestfallen and I actually managed a half a smile.

"Will you help me Non? I'm just making some final preparations but I need someone on lookout duty."

"Lookout duty? That seems to suggest you're going to be doing something someone will not want you to do."

"What my mother doesn't know can't hurt her."

I felt another smile at his words.

"Yeah, alright then."

In a way it was good that George had thought up something like this to do as it gave him a chance to sort whatever he needed to but also eased me back into his company without having to worry about things getting too awkward.

In fact the rest of the day seemed to go like that. The rest of the morning seemed to rush by and when it was time for the wedding I was absolutely captivated by Charlie and Alina. It was the one good thing about weddings. The bride and groom were always just so happy, and there was so much palpable joy that it was easy to forget everything else. And as for George, we seemed to have bizarrely managed to slip back into easy conversation which I was stupidly glad for. I think it helped that he had completely stopped being so touchy feely. There were no arms around my shoulder or waist, no tugging at my clothes or tweaking my hair. In fact the closest we'd gotten to touching before the dancing started was when he held out his arm to me to escort me to my seat.

I hit a slightly difficult moment when the music started. I always found it a bit hard to listen to since the war but to watch Gruff, Macs and Tomos up on stage playing, to know I'd used to play and practice with them so much, it really brought it to life just how much it hurt and I bit my lip hard. I- I _missed_ playing. It was the first time in a long time that my longing to play actually seemed to be out weighing the hurt I knew it would cause me.

For the first two songs I just stood there, staring, completely captivated by the sounds they were able to create and the sheer joy they expressed to be up there. I wanted that. I wanted to feel that again, or anything even remotely like it.

"Are you alright?"

George's quiet voice broke me from my thoughts and I smiled ruefully.

"I'm jealous."

"You'd want to perform on stage?"

I wasn't surprised that George sounded amazed by that and I shook my head.

"No I- I want to play."

The only response I got to that was a thoughtful hum, until a faster paced song started and he asked me to dance. I stared at his outstretched hand for a long moment. I didn't want to make the same mistakes as before.

"Please?"

"Alright."

Even as I said my answer I got annoyed with myself. I didn't think I should be saying yes, I didn't want him to think that I wanted to and yet my stupid mouth had already decided. Again though, George surprised me. He didn't crowd my personal space or pull me close it was just…nice. When I finally managed to muster up the courage to look up at his face it was to see him already looking at me with a fond smile and I blushed. That was another thing I wish I could learn to stop doing, dear Helga it was awful.

"So I have a question. Tell me, was Macsen born with a beard?"

I let out a startled loud laugh at that and George grinned. It was only when he spun me around that I caught a glimpse of Mrs Weasley glaring at me and I nearly faltered. I had thought she had scowled at me earlier in the day but had put it down to me being slightly paranoid but now there was no doubting it. She was definitely not happy and I felt myself start to sink back into my nerves. George did his best to distract me with questions but it didn't seem to matter now. I'd managed to get through most of the day, and much better than I had at Susan's wedding which was a huge plus but I was really starting to crave some time to myself. At the next break in songs I managed to excuse myself awkwardly under the pretence of needing to use the bathroom.

What had I done that had made Mrs Weasley so cross? Was she still annoyed because of my fighting with Gruff? Or that I'd sworn a bit when talking to Tomos? Or had she seen me helping George earlier? So many thoughts were racing in my head that I sought refuge in Ginny's room despite the fact it was nearly stuffed full with boxes and items that had to be cleared out of the way to get the house ready for the wedding.

It took me a while to get a hold of my nerves and to settle myself before I felt brave enough to venture back outside and on the way out I nearly bumped into Fred in the kitchen and felt the usual surge of alarm I always did when I saw him. I did however need to speak to him and called out to him.

"Fred can-can I have a word?"

He titled his head to the side as he considered my question and nodded.

"It's about Hermione."

"Hermione?"

I couldn't understand why he looked so confused.

"Yes, that's right."

"You definitely mean Hermione?"

"Well yeah, you aren't paired with any other witch."

He followed his arms, and frowned at me which I found to be quite a bizarre reaction.

"Right okay well, I was thinking last night and I just wanted to ask, can you make sure she's okay? I mean, Merlin sorry I'm not explaining this well."

I fumbled over my words as Fred continued to frown at me, and I took a deep breath and tried again.

"Hermione and I have always been the same in that we've not had any family for a very long time."

"Don't be stupid the Weasley's are her family."

I shook my head at him in frustration, even while a part of me noted how sweet that sentiment was.

"No I mean people from our past. Our parents or extended family. Her parents are alive Fred but they don't even know she exists. None of us know anyone from her past that can tell us about what she was like growing up. That's a big chunk of her life we know nothing about apart from what she tells us and I don't know if you've noticed, she talks about it as little as I do mine."

I took another deep breath and carried as I could see from Fred's clenched jaw he wanted to argue.

"We have both in our own ways only had ourselves to rely on. We can have as many friends as can be but that's not the same as having your roots somewhere, of belonging. I'd forgotten even what it felt like to belong to anywhere until Gruff turned up. It's lonely Fred and it's hard, when it's just you. And Hermione might be finding it difficult seeing that now I have someone, but she doesn't. I-I'm probably over thinking it. I just wanted to make sure she was alright, that's all."

"Of course she'll be alright Non, she has me."

I genuinely couldn't tell if Fred was being completely arrogant or just confident in the relationship he appeared to be establishing with her, but I tried to mask my misgivings and I nodded my head. Fred seemed to hesitate though and he pinched the bridge of his nose before trapping me with a very direct gaze.

"What I can't bloody understand Non is that you can be so damn thoughtful for other people, often to your own detriment, what I don't get is why you can't bring yourself to be even a tiny bit thoughtful or considerate to George."

I think Fred's words knocked the air out of me more than a punch or a stunning spell ever could. I was, I mean, I had- hadn't I? Had I not been thoughtful about George? Or considerate to him? By the swirl of guilt building I realised with horror that maybe I hadn't. I'd been so caught up in just me trying to function since this stupid bloody law I had hardly thought of things from his perspective at all.

Fred hesitated for a moment before shaking his head and leaving me alone in the kitchen. I lowered myself from shaky legs onto a seat and thought furiously. How could I do right by George? What should I do?

What I needed, I thought bitterly, was time. And I knew I didn't have it. Ideally George and I could have taken the next couple of weeks to really try and work things out but we didn't have that luxury because I would be away with Ron for work. Merlin, what a mess.

"Oh, there you are!"

I'd never though George's smiling face would make me feel this miserable. Merlin I didn't know what to do.

"Yeah sorry, I just needed a bit of quiet time."

"Not to worry, although we could have done with your auror skills. Alina's uncles all just got into a huge fight it was amazing! Dad's only just managed to calm it all down. Seriously this wedding is _brilliant_."

I managed to paper on a fragile smile.

"Is it safe to go back outside?"

"Maybe not near the stage but say, come for a stroll?"

I froze. Shit should I? I would need to tell him that I couldn't consider anything until after work.

"A-alright."

Merlin now I just had to figure out how to work it into a conversation.

It was later than I'd thought although as the nights got dark so early I supposed it didn't really make much of a difference. All of the pathways in the garden were dark and had needed charmed fairy lights to keep them lit and George led me down one of them until we were almost near the paddock.

"Have you had a nice day?"

George's voice startled me slightly as we came to a stop near the paddock gate after we'd both been silent for so long.

"I have actually."

"You sound surprised."

"I suppose I am a bit, I-I'm not overly fond of weddings. They're too crowded."

I could see George nod his understanding before he turned to face me.

"I just wanted to say thank you Non. For giving me a day."

"Oh that's fine G-George." I stuttered over his name as his hand came up to cup my cheek. Oh holy shit what was he doing?

"Non."

I wondered briefly if someone pulse could beat so hard it could jump out of their neck before I managed to take a shaky breath and move a step back. I tried not to watch his hand fall back down to his side.

"I-I'm sorry George, I can't."

"You said you'd consider me."

His voice sounded wooden and I hated it.

"I will."

I winced at his snort of disbelief but I still had Fred's words ringing in my ears. I had to be thoughtful and considerate to George, I _had_ to.

"I have so many things I need to work through George, just so many things to come to grips with. And-and I'm going away on Wednesday for I don't even know how long. There's just no time George."

"I suppose if you need to take so long to consider it, then I've already got my answer."

I stepped forward in alarm at his words and tried to catch hold of his arm as he made to move away.

"Merlin George no, I'm genuinely just so confused. Please could you, could you give me some more time?"

"Do I have a choice?"

His voice was so quiet yet still his words managed to freeze me for a moment.

"Of course."

"Fine."

I gazed at his retreating back in confusion. Why had he asked about whether he had a choice? Would he actually give me more time? Or only a limited time?

 _Would George change his mind about me_?

Why did that thought make me feel so sick?

"Oh there you are dear."

Oh fuck, it was Mrs Weasley.

"Oh hi Molly."

I hoped desperately I was keeping how emotional I felt out of my voice. In truth I was starting to feel quite tearful although for one absurd moment I considered whether I needed to worry about whether Mrs Weasley would hurt me and I nearly laughed.

"I just wanted to see that you were alright."

I blinked in confusion.

"You did? But-but I thought I'd upset you?"

"Why you haven't upset me at all."

"But you were glaring at me."

I winced at how clumsily I'd blurted the words out and Mrs Weasley sighed.

"I wasn't glaring at you dear."

"What? But then who…"

I trailed off, surely she couldn't have been glaring at _George_.

"Non, I know I can be quite short sighted when it comes to my own children but there comes a point where even a mother must acknowledge their flaws. My children are all wonderful and of course I think that, but even I can see that some of them are deeply selfish."

"I don't, I'm sorry Molly I don't understand you."

"My son should never have asked you to spend the day with him today."

"Oh but he-"

"No Non. No." I was slightly alarmed at how fiercely she was speaking. "I know what it is to lose a brother. You lost yours and by some miracle got him back. George should never have asked you to swap what little time you have with Gruff before he goes back to Romania. Never."

I blinked feeling slightly dazed.

"But he was-"

"You and George have all of the time in the world to work things out. He knows that. Him wanting to spend time with you does not excuse his impatience. He was thinking of himself, not you."

I was gobsmacked. For Mrs Weasley to be so openly critical of one of her own children was unheard of.

"I don't think he really was Mrs Weasley." I winced again. "Sorry I mean Molly."

"You are sweet, but I think you're giving him far too much credit. And you call me Mrs Weasley if you like dear, you shouldn't be made to feel to say or do things if they make you uncomfortable. I apologise if we've ever made you feel like that."

I stuttered a few times but was honestly at a loss for words.

"Tell me Non, what is it that _you_ want?"

Oh Merlin, where could I even start? I wanted the war to have never happened. I wanted Gruff to have never left. I wanted it to be July again with no stupid marriage law. I wanted to be back working as an office auror where I could solve crime from my desk. I wanted to sleep for a week and not wake up. I wanted…I wanted…

I wasn't prepared for the wave of emotion that hit me when I finally realised what it was and I had to choke back a sob even as my face crumpled.

Because really when I was feeling this lost, this confused and yes this upset there was only one thing in the world I could ever want.

"I want my mam."

 **A/N:**

 **Hello!**

 **A super duper long chapter for you to make up for my tardiness. I had so hoped to get this up by the 19** **th** **January to mark the one year anniversary of this story. I'm mildly horrified that I don't know where the year has gone.**

 **Thank you as ever to those of you that read and review, our feedback and encouragement means just so much.**

 **And I hope you like this chapter. In reality I could have written about four chapters for everything I wanted to include so I had to skip a fair bit out otherwise this story will never progress!**

 **Thank you all for taking the time to read.**

 **Diolch,**

 **Yav**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 26

I walked down the dreary, damp and bitterly cold street, head bowed against the wind as I tried to quell the panic I could feel rising inside of me.

It was nearly the identical feeling of panic when you knew an exam was approaching and you hadn't in anyway prepared properly. Like you'd only half scanned your notes, you only half knew the information that you knew with more time you could have nailed down every detail but now…time had run out.

I could feel my left leg tremble slightly as we came to a stop, and I took a noisy breath through my nose, desperate to steady myself before it all began.

"Calm it."

The rough, raspy voice of my companion grated slightly against my ears and I risked a quick glance. He was old, or well quite a bit older than me, perhaps in his late fifties or early sixties. He was tall, or would have been if he didn't have such a hunch in his shoulders. His too long stubble was a dull grey, matching the short scrap of hair on his head. Half an ear was missing and he had a twisted silvery scar just under his jaw. I knew his name to be Dave Heccles. Such an unassuming name for a distinctly unsavoury and quite frankly stinky character. The stale scent of magical tobacco clung to him and I had to fight against wrinkling my nose. It wasn't something I'd do, because I was meant to be used to his smell.

I had to hand it to Ron, there was no way anyone could possibly know it was him.

I quickly turned my eyes downwards as I fidgeted slightly with my shabby robe with my curling fingers but apart from that slight movement I was still. I had long dull, dark brown hair tied up in an attempt of a stylish 'up do' that looked nothing but scraggily and unkempt. I had no freckles. My eyes were brown. I looked utterly nothing like myself and as with Ron, I knew the only thing that could give my away was my mannerisms. And my voice.

It took everything I had not to bite my lip through nerves. That was one bad habit I would definitely have to shake for the foreseeable future. Because, for an as yet unidentified period, I was Simone Flannery, and I was to be a barmaid at The Spreadeagled Witch.

My disguise such as it was made it difficult to age me, given the gloomy lighting in the pub I knew I could pass from anything from twenty to forty years of age. Simone's miserable disposition and downturned mouth was easy enough for me to achieve given the last couple of weeks. Her slowness and dull wits would be much harder for me to match. And then there was her accent. Simone was from Newcastle. Simone sounded like a Geordie.

Now Anna had had that accent, so I knew exactly how it sounded. To mimic it was something else though but luckily Simone wasn't the talkative sort. Ron and I had discovered it had been best I stay 'in character' accent wise so all through the past three days I'd been talking with a Geordie accent and after the first day where I kept breaking into giggles you know I really think I'd cracked it.

As Ron grumbled angrily and yanked open the heavy wooden door to stomp into the pub I meekly kept my head down. I knew what to expect from the interior as I had of course, passed through this pub before as it was one of the floo system connection points that the auror department used. The establishment had quite the unsavoury reputation yet miraculously never got busted by the department, which bothered me though I suspected I'd find out why soon enough.

Ron and I were to work the evening to late night/early morning shift, which unfortunately for us was meant to get quite rowdy. I was to be the only barmaid and 'Dave' the security for the pub. I hesitated slightly before I took off my robe, because of course I had to wear the pub uniform and I'd been horrified by that the first time I'd even seen it.

My boobs were bunched up painfully in an over tight corset and the sheer black shirt that I was wearing over it was really well and truly pointless. At least I knew this pub wasn't a place where they expected the bar maid to perform any "favours." I swallowed queasily at the thought before I hung my robe up and walked slowly behind the bar trying to look as though I knew exactly what I was doing. It wasn't the clothing alone that was making me feel practically naked, I was absurdly uncomfortable not to have my bag with me.

I had poured for hours over the notes trying to memorise what drinks were stored where, how the glasses were kept, the cleaning they did (disgustingly little) and all the other menial tasks a member of bar staff would have to do. The bar maid who was currently finishing her shift sent me a hostile stare before she walked past me without a word.

Now I knew normally how I would react, I'd be worrying about what I had done to cause such a reaction but as Simone? I simply carried on with what I was doing, as though I'd hardly noticed the other bar maid at all. As I cleared up some empties from the bar I made sure to move in such a way I could glance around the pub. Only half the tables were full luckily and there were two figures slumped at the bar, a suspiciously haze of faint blue smoke in the air above them.

"Oi you, Simone, SIMONE! Blast it you'd swear she's fucking deaf as well as dumb."

I made my slow way to the table where 'Dave' had set up his stall for the night. See for Dave, acting as pub security meant drinking non-stop with the regulars. I didn't envy Ron his job at all, his disguise was far harder to implement than mine.

"What can I get you pet?"

"You know exactly what you'll be getting later you stupid cow. I've been sat here near five fucking minutes without my drink. And look this fine gentleman says he's not been served by that bint before for near an hour."

I cast a quick look to the man on his right. A gentlemen he was _not_.

"Sll'av a f'whis."

"Aye and I will un all. You fucking heard him. GET A MOVE ON!"

I didn't even have to pretend to really jump at Ron's raised voice as my nerves were so on edge but it was keeping in character and as the rest of the pub customers laughed I made my way behind the bar to serve up two firewhisky's. I knew that was the drink as the notes Broom had so painstakingly made meant I knew the "gentlemen" was in fact Jeb Jeffries, someone who had been arrested on suspicion of murder not two years before but who we infuriatingly couldn't get enough evidence against. He was a known drunk and petty criminal to boot.

It was a struggle to keep my heart rate calm for the near entirety of the shift. Every time a voice sounded, a chair scraped or the rare occasion the door opened it would go into over drive as my stomach churned. My nerves were completely on edge, not just because I was desperate to keep them hidden as Simone wouldn't show any, but because I was terrified Ron or I would make a mistake and be discovered. It seemed with having such little time to prepare it would be inevitable. Whilst this pub in the day time might act as a stepping stone for some aurors and night time it was completely off the table. For an auror to be found here at night would spell nothing but trouble for them and if they were found to be undercover…

I had to supress a shiver.

By the time our shift finally came to an end at just gone two in the morning I had to resist doing too good a job on the cleaning. That would only cause questions when the pub opened again at eleven o'clock, and I finally let the grimace of disgust show on my face when it was just me and Ron left.

He was swaying slightly in his seat, a sure sign that despite only pretending for a lot of the night he had in fact consumed quite a lot of firewhisky. Thank Helga we'd managed to source a large amount of hangover cures, who knew how long we'd be doing this and Ron was definitely going to need them.

I had also discovered when doing a quick tidy what exactly was the source of the blue haze that has surrounded the slumped over customers at the bar and the spark of anger it had caused in me had been good to focus on. I kept my silence all the way back to the tiny B&B we had arranged to stay at. We were knew faces at the pub after all and we had definitely been watched leaving the pub. I rather guessed that would happen for some days to come.

"I cannit," I heaved out a grunt as I tried to place Ron tidily into the small armchair in our poky room. He was so difficulty and bloody belligerent when drunk, why couldn't he just be a nice giggling drunk like George?

My shoulders stiffened at the thought, before I shivered. It was like an awareness had trickled down my spine and I tried to shrug it off before speaking again. "I cannit _believe_ they sell Bob's potion there!"

I was seething now the more I thought of it. Bob's potion was of course the slang name given it's true name was nigh on unpronounceable, but it was a highly addictive concoction that let you enter an idyllic or in other words a "high" state. I supposed it was a magical equivalent of the muggle substances cocaine or heroin. It was without doubt one of the most dangerous and therefore illegal substances and for that disgusting pub to be selling over the counter, and pretty openly given the haze that had surrounded the bar, was appalling.

"Just you wait when we get back from this I'm going straight back as myself to put a stop to it, I mean it."

"You bloody can't."

I narrowed my eyes at Ron's bleary expression before a sympathy grimace pulled at my mouth as he downed the hangover cure in one, and I took a few rushed steps back from him as he lurched forward with a groan. I'd be damned if he was going to throw up on me. After a few seconds he righted himself, looking decidedly grey.

"You know we can't. Anything we discover on the job doesn't give us grounds to make any arrests or use it to our advantage. Besides the department likes the pub, got to have informants don't we?"

His voice was lower than normal but I understood the need for it even as I pulled a face at his words. We'd put safe guards and wards on the room as soon as we entered it but we couldn't risk even the slightest chance of being over heard. And it wasn't like we could pack the place out magically to protect ourselves. It was a muggle house, and the man who lived downstairs as well as the neighbours would start to notice something if their electrics started to play up because of us.

"You alright Llewellyn?"

I managed to catch my surprise that he'd asked the question before I nodded silently.

"I think so. That wasn't as bad as I thought but…"

 _But so much could go wrong_.

"Yeah. I know. Look let's try to sleep now, and we'll go over pointers in the morning. Pointless trying now."

"Yeah. Alright."

Merlin, sleep. I'd had to tell Ron yesterday that I was highly likely to have nightmares as much as it shamed me to admit it. All he'd done was clap me on the shoulder and say that he probably would too, before the bugger bloody finished off my cupcakes.

We both made quick work of using the tiny ensuite bathroom to get changed and ready for bed. It had such a stench of damp with mildew growing on the walls it wasn't somewhere I wanted to spend much time in. I undid a number of the charms I'd placed on myself and felt some of the tension I'd been carrying across my shoulders loosen. They weren't difficult charms to alter my appearance, even I could manage them, but to keep them in place for so long was hard. I could feel sleep trying to snatch at my eyes and I hurried to get under the covers of the small single bed. The mattress was so soft I swear I sunk deep enough into it to feel the bed frame underneath. Or it was an errant spring. I would have to try and charm it the next day, I didn't have the energy for it now.

With one last check to make sure my wand and bag were right on the bedside table to the left of my head I nodded at Ron, whose long body was squashed up uncomfortably on his own single bed, with his wand at the ready.

"Alright, g'night. _Nox."_

I realised my error the moment Ron had said the spell. I'd had to sleep with a light on ever since I'd returned form Azkaban and I felt the blackness crush in on my like a heavy weight as the blood rushed in my ears. I knew I should just reach out and grab by wand but…

 _What if there was one on the room already? What if it grabs my arm before I can reach my wand?_

Trying to tell myself that the thought was irrational didn't help. My heart pounded as a quiet creak reached my ear. What had made that noise? Was it a dementor? I strained my ears for the sound of rattled breathing, or the swish of a cloak. I needed my wand but I was too scared to move.

Oh god, I didn't-I didn't know what to do. I could feel a cold sweat cover me even as I tried desperately for my eyes to get used to the dark so I could pick out any darker shapes in it.

" _Lumos."_

I had to stifle a near sob of relief as the room came back into view and I could see there was nothing else here but me and Ron. I turned my head away from him as to my embarrassment I could feel that my eyes had filled with tears.

"Sorry. I forgot, you'd need a light. Mum said…"

He trailed off and I wondered if he'd seen my shoulder stiffen, even as I felt my face burn with shame. Merlin only knew what Mrs Weasley thought of me. At the wedding I'd sobbed for nearly ten minutes in her arms. She'd been lovely about it but it had been a huge moment of weakness for me, and to now know she'd discussed me with Ron, that she knew I couldn't sleep without a light…it was mortifying. I felt pathetic.

 _I bet she doesn't think I'm fit enough for the job or to protect Ron._

The thought ate away at me even as I heard Ron rummage in his bag, but I couldn't bring myself to look. A soft yellow glow started to shine so even when Ron doused the main a light a tiny glow for my side of the room remained. I ignored Ron's second call for goodnight.

Despite my fatigue it took me a long while to drift off. My body was having it's now uncomfortable normal adrenaline crash trembling and I knew I'd have to wait for that to pass before I could sleep. But more than that, my thoughts were racing. I was determined to make sure I kept Ron safe and I kept going over and over our back up plans and escape routes but as much as I tried other thoughts were starting to poke their way through.

I had amazed myself with my own powers of concentration and control that I'd managed not to practically think of anything else but work for the last three days but now, in the early morning hours when everything else was so still and calm, I couldn't hide from them.

It was Fred's words that were haunting me the most, that I hadn't been considerate to George. The more I thought on it now, the greater sense of injustice I was feeling, despite the guilt I'd felt at the time. I bloody well had been considerate to George. I'd done so many things the last few months I'd been downright uncomfortable doing and that was all to keep George happy. What was that if not being considerate? I felt a burning anger at Fred for saying something which I now thought was unfair, and at myself for allowing myself to be guilt tripped. It took me a long while to drift off.

Our first week undercover seemed to drag by with agonising slowness. It was a horrible concoction of a permanent state of anxiety matched up with boredom. I hated being trapped behind the bar, I hated having to play someone so slow witted, and I hated the small leaps of terror I felt when either myself of Ron made a small mistake. It was inevitable that we would and yet somehow we were managing to get away with it. After five shifts, we'd also finally stopped being watched on the way home to the B&B. I wasn't completely sure that was a good thing.

I supposed one of the few benefits was that as I myself was feeling so miserable I finally didn't have to pretend to cover it up and be happy. As Simone I could quite literally walk around with a downturned and sullen face and I embraced it fully. One of the other benefits was weirdly that I was getting back into a fairly decent sleeping pattern, even if the sleep itself was disrupted. This was the first time in…Merlin it had to be months that I'd had five days in a row of going to bed at the same time, even if that was at roughly three in the morning.

It took us until shift eight for things to start to happen.

It had been a dull enough shift, we were about two hours in and it had been a bit quieter than normal when the door slammed open to reveal the figure of a witch, and she stood there for a long moment as she waited for the patrons to stop and stare. I had never so badly wanted to roll my eyes. Talk about unsubtle.

The witch was clearly rich and had done nothing to hide the fact. Her robes were of exquisite quality and she'd clearly paid for a concealment mask. They weren't too dissimilar to the shield hats the twins had invented, but this instead blurred and changed your facial appearance. Despite them being apparently fashionable ( _fantastic_ if you were wanting to have an affair according to a Witch Weekly article a scandalised Mrs Weasley had read to us once), they to me only depicted people with far too many galleons to their name who were even worse at charm work than me. And what was worse it was so bloody obviously a mask. Yes you couldn't recognise the person underneath but you so clearly knew it was someone with something to hide. I think it was the stupidity of it all that upset me the most.

She had two bodyguards with her. They couldn't be her associates the way she was speaking to them and I kept Simone's glum and moody expression in place as I had a drinks order snapped at me as she made her way towards the back table of the pub. She'd asked for some obscure cocktail that I would bet quite a lot of galleons on that we didn't have all the ingredients for in this crappy horrible pub. I had to suppress a smile against the horrible drink I was having to make. I don't know what it was, but my immediate vibe was that I didn't like this witch and my gut instinct wasn't often wrong.

After about half hour another figure walked into the pub. He was completely unremarkable. He was plain in such a way that he was forgettable and I did my best to try and analyse his face without being noticed. A forgettable person could go to many places and not be noticed. I knew that, I'd used my own forgettability to my advantage many times. The witch lowered her voice for the first time since she'd entered and I cursed silently as I turned back to face a customer and carry on with my barmaid duties.

Ron was sat too far away to hear too which was annoying. The visitor didn't stay long but by how happily the witch called for another round of drinks she'd clearly received good news. She stayed an hour longer, getting louder by the minute and it finally clicked with me that I might know who this witch was.

Wealthy families were much reduced since the war so that had already narrowed down the possibilities. She had been discussing a business empire too and that narrowed it down even further but when the dull bitch started slurring about beauty products I knew exactly who it was.

It seemed an excruciating wait for the pub to close and Ron and I to walk our slow way back to our rooms. He was quieter than his persona normally was but I could feel some coiled up tension in his shoulders. Ron was feeling a strong emotion, and I wondered just what it was.

As we stumbled through the door and hastily shut it behind us clicking the old light on it was to find that we were both grinning.

"It's Parkinson!"

"What, how do you know?"

I stifled a laugh at our simultaneous announcement and questions before Ron with a chuckle squeezed himself into the tiny chair and inclined his head for me to speak.

"It was the beauty products. Her fiancé Rupert told me weeks ago when I had to go and interview her father that she had set up her own business in beauty products. Which reminds me actually I need to chase up the twins on an invoice they said they had..." I trailed off, distracted and annoyed that I'd forgotten about that before I shook myself. "How did you know?"

"I knew as soon as she bloody walked through the door, that damn stupid pose. She used to do it all the time when she had some bloody gossip to announce to the class. Just everything about her, her mannerisms, the lot. It couldn't be anyone else."

A thought flickered across my mind and I frowned.

"You don't think this is a setup do you? Or a false lead? I mean, she was really fucking unsubtle."

"For anyone else I'd say yes, for her? Pretty standard. Seems like you'd served her a belter of a drink whatever it was, she couldn't walk straight when she left."

I surprised myself by sniggering lightly. It had to have been days since I'd last laughed.

"Did you get to hear what her visitor said?"

An annoyed frown settled on Ron's face as he shook his head.

"Nah Jeffords was in my ear about something and I couldn't think of a way to get him to shut up, I missed it all. Guess you were too far away? Not sure I'd recognise the git either."

"Yeah I couldn't hear it. I _think_ I'd recognise him again."

Or I hoped I would.

"Well look here, let's celebrate. It's been eight days of nothing but at least this is a small breakthrough. Though a breakthrough for what I don't know but it'll stop me getting angry chasers from Beckett anyway."

I hadn't realised Ron had been getting pressured for some information and I begrudgingly took the glass of firewhisky he handed to me.

"You do know I'm probably going to spew if I drink this right?"

I did not appreciate the cheerful grin I got in return, though I conceded with a roll of my eyes to the toast Ron wanted.

"To progress!"

I murmured the words back to him before I took a hesitant sip and grimaced.

It was the first time really that we had sat and just chatted after a shift, and Ron having already drunk a lot was clearly in the mood to talk. I was happy mainly just to listen, he wasn't half bad at telling a story when he stopped being self- conscious and when he was in a good mood he was actually really good company.

"Say you mentioned earlier you needed an invoice from the twins? What's that about?"

I tapped a finger nervously against the side of the glass as I decided what to say.

"It was something Beckett wanted me to look into, about some new businesses. The twins dealt with one once, I just need a copy of the invoice. I'll go over it all with you tomorrow if you want?"

I hadn't like the glum expression that was starting to appear on Ron's face, but even my suggestion of new information wasn't enough to chase it away.

"They're shagging you know."

"Oh..er..wh-who?"

Merlin I knew exactly who but I really hoped Ron didn't and I braced myself for his reply.

"Fred and Hermione."

He was staring at me fiercely now and I stuttered. What on earth did I say to that?

"They are aren't they? I know it. I can tell. I know her better than anyone you know and now she's all different. I've really lost her."

His last four words were so quiet I nearly missed them, but I was stuck by the misery I could see on his face.

"I know it must be so shit Ron but I thought, I mean, aren't you and Luna getting on?"

So many emotions passed over his face I couldn't keep up with them.

"I suppose. But I mean she's so weird, why is it so hard for her to be normal?"

"Define normal."

It took me a few seconds to realise I'd mimicked George's own words to be and I choked on my drink. Ron was luckily too busy frowning to notice.

"I dunno. She's just always so different to everyone else. It's embarrassing."

It was my turn to frown.

"She's completely comfortable being who she is Ron. That's admirable not embarrassing. Everyone else is only pretending you know."

Or at least that's how it felt to me.

"I never thought of it like that."

I let out a sigh as a thought crossed my mind, and I hesitated before speaking.

"Look I may not be even remembering it right it was so long ago but do you remember at school, your first Quidditch match?"

I cringed slightly at the misery that swept over his face. Of course he would bloody remember it, it had been awful for him, and I hurried to get the rest of my words out.

"That morning of the game, who supported you the most; Luna or Hermione?"

I felt weird asking that question. I hadn't known either of them then but Luna's giant roaring lion hat had been so noticeable I'd imagine the whole school remembered it. But I was torn, was I being loyal to Luna and disloyal to Hermione by asking Ron this?

"It was…it was Luna. Luna's always supported me."

Ron seemed confused by his own words but I desperately hoped the penny was starting to drop.

From what I knew of my friends it was Luna's nature to back somebody or something completely when she believed in them. It was Hermione's nature to question. That didn't mean Hermione didn't believe in a person but that she always had reservations. Ron was someone with so much self-doubt of his own it seemed obvious to me who would be a better match for him.

"Llewellyn are you trying to say that you think this magic law knows what it's doing?"

I shrugged. There was no way I was answering that.

"Wait does that mean you think that George is the right match for you?"

My stomach swooped at the mention of his name and I grimaced at the wave of nausea that seemed to pass over me.

"I don't know about that."

"Don't be daft Non he's besotted with you. It's nice you know, you've made George be George."

I was dumbfounded. _Besotted_ with me? And what did he mean about making George be George? Of course he was George. I glanced at Ron a bit suspiciously, perhaps he was far drunker than I thought, but all he did was chuckle at my face.

"You know for someone so annoyingly observant you aren't half bloody stupid sometimes."

I could feel the swell of outrage as I opened my mouth to snap a reply before I clapped a hand over my mouth as my stomach heaved, and I leapt from the bed. I only just made it to the toilet and I had to vomit to the sound of laughter from Ron. Merlin he could be such a twat.

I very immaturely decided to ignore Ron as we readied for sleep but it was the first time since our undercover work started that I actually settled down under the covers and fell asleep rather quickly.

 _I giggled lightly as George repositioned himself and I was distracted by the bunching of his bicep. My eyes traced the movement on his bare him and up to his shoulder and across his chest. I wondered at the number of freckles he had, he'd clearly spent a lot of summers topless when he was younger, and I mapped them with my eyes. I loved his shoulders and I reached out to trace my fingers along his left one._

 _A grind of his hips had me fighting back a moan and I darted a look to his face. The early morning light was only softly lighting the room but it was enough to clearly see him and I sighed happily at the sight of a smiling George Weasley with tousled hair. That was another wonderful part of him. As was the part pressing against me. I hummed happily as I stretched, making sure to arch my back just enough so that my breasts could brush against his chest and I was rewarded with a deep moan before he kissed me again._

 _George had a number of different kisses but this had to be one of my favourites, when he tangled his fingers in my hair and angled my head just so and kissed me so deeply I swear I forgot how to think. A moan really did leave me then when I felt his fingers touch me. He'd hitched one of my legs over his hip before working his fingers in and_ finally _touching me right where I wanted. I broke our kiss with a gasp when he started to slide two fingers in and out and whatever momentary annoyance I felt as he kissed down my chest but ignored my breasts left me when I realised what he was intending, and my breath hitched._

 _Sweet fucking Helga, yes please._

 _He was taking far too long over my inner thighs even as the fingers of his right hand kept teasing me and I started to tremble. I managed to prop myself up on my elbow even as I tangled the fingers of my free hand into his hair, desperate to direct his head to where I wanted him._

" _George."_

 _I didn't recognise my own voice. It was a part breathy moan, part demand and it was enough to get him to look up. I almost wished he hadn't as my heart stuttered and a surge of need shot through me. Whatever I was feeling must have been showing on my face as a very slow and very wicked grin spread across his face and I felt my whole body flush._

" _Non."_

 _My whole body quivered at the sound of his voice but all he did was chuckle. That same deep chuckle he bloody knew drove me crazy. As his head dipped again I briefly wondered if it was possible to die from pleasure because the way I was already feeling, I thought this might be the way I was going to go. I quivered again as I felt his nose brush against me and finally,_ finally _he was about to-_

I bolted upright, gasping for breath.

What the fuck? Where the fuck was I? What the actual-was George-what? Just what?

The screeching sound of the water pipe sounded and it jolted me back to reality. I was in that stupid B&B. Ron's bed was empty and he quite clearly had to be having a shower for the water pipe to make that noise. It must have been the noise that had woken me too. That didn't however stop me lifting up the duvet to make double sure George wasn't there and I had to fight off a tremor of need.

Fuck.

Properly fuck. I'd had a full on sex dream about George. Not just a hazy half dream that I'd had after we'd kissed this had been so real it was like he had to have been there. I carefully angled myself over the side of the bed to look underneath where of course, there was nothing but dust. I huffed out a frustrated sigh and had to fight the urge to place a pillow between my legs. Fucking hell.

Merlin I really, really needed…

 _Sex_

…a cold shower. I hoped Ron wasn't going to be too long although Helga knew how I'd look him in the face. I'd just had a sex dream about his brother for crying out loud. A though crossed my mind with horror.

Oh my god what if I'd moaned George's name out loud? What if Ron knew I'd been having a sex dream? Was that why he'd gone in the shower so early? I could see from the clock on the wall it was half hour earlier than normal. I chewed nervously on my thumb while I waited for Ron to vacate the bathroom, and I darted past him without so much as a hello.

It was only when I shut the bathroom door that I realised that would seem suspicious but I shrugged. Let him just think I really needed the loo. It took a little bit of time to compose myself. First for the feeling of need to pass me by and then to try and make sense of it all. When it came to George nothing seemed to make sense. Since our fight I had mainly been uncomfortable thinking about him. My mind seemed to bounce away from anything to do with him, but then the mere mention of him last night had triggered the most vivid dream I'd ever had. My nightmares were vivid because they were _memories_ but this with George had most definitely never happened before, so how could I picture it all so clearly?

And I couldn't really understand why I felt like I wanted it. Yes the kiss had made me react, and strongly, but I hadn't felt the desire or urge for sex in so long it felt weird now, not normal. I knew I'd had a brief dream about him the night of our argument but then with Gruff and Azkaban those feelings had disappeared. So why come back now? If George had reminded me of what I'd been missing did that mean that I just wanted sex or that I only wanted sex with him? It was an important distinction for me and one I wasn't sure I could answer.

Also, I thought angrily, I couldn't let thoughts like this cross my mind now. I'd been tempted the night before to share the findings of my case with Ron but this now decided it. It would the perfect way for me to refocus and it would allow a second mind to go over what I'd discovered. The realisation that Parkinson was even more heavily involved in something than I'd suspected. The difficulty would be me being able to talk to Ron without blushing. Merlin, I really hoped he didn't know or suspect what I'd been dreaming about.

Over the next four days I stubbornly kept George from my mind as I went over the case details with Ron. He'd initially thought I was paranoid when I summarised my findings but as we went through it all his face became grim as he realised how big this all might be.

"So what you think we have Non are people funding bribery at the Ministry in order to place the people they want in powerful positions that are going to hold sway over our society for decades? And that these are all pro pure bloods?"

I nodded helplessly.

"I don't have proof of that part yet but yes, otherwise I can't see what they're doing is making sense. And they definitely have ties with the CMG."

"And his experiments have happened on Azkaban?"

"That's right, but only once. We've never come across that sort of magic before, it can't just be a coincidence."

"But for that spell to have happened there it has to have been done by an auror, or an auror smuggled him there."

"Yes. And that means…"

"…we have a turncoat in our ranks."

I felt my shoulders slump at his word. I'd suspected it but to have a colleague voice it was something else. But otherwise it really didn't make sense. We had to have a dirty auror somewhere in the department for certain things to have happened but who? I hated that I would have to suspect one of my colleagues. Or at least, I hoped it was only one.

With our minds newly occupied we had hoped that we'd get another break at the pub but as the nights dragged on it was finely time to admit something to myself; I was bored. My anxiety was still there but as with everything else with my anxiety the more I did it, the less anxious I felt. Now that my body and mind could learn there was no imminent threat it meant my anxiety dropped. It obviously didn't disappear entirely, I had started to think it never would, but I was also starting to view it as a good thing. Being prepared was always good in my book, and I knew I couldn't let my guard down completely on this job that was when mistakes would happen.

With boredom however came grumpiness. Nearly three weeks living in such close quarters was really starting to tell and whilst Ron was just openly irritable and angry I often settled for the more subtle but increasingly petty approach. Typically it was things like using all the hot water, with the limit on what magic we could use I knew he wouldn't be able to heat it up, and the glowers he sent my way bore the promise or retribution for when we returned back to our normal lives. Honestly though it was worth it.

It was only when shift twenty rolled around that things changed. It had started as a normal shift. I'd even had calls of acknowledgement from two of the regulars who had started to get used to me but in true moody Simone mode I ignored them. Ron settled down as Dave and for the first hour or two all was normal. And then CMG arrived.

There were three wizards behind him, all with their hoods up so their faces were shadowed in the gloomy interior of the pub. The regular patrons all seemed to freeze. It couldn't have lasted for more than three seconds but it was painfully noticeable, before they all turned back to their conversations. A tension had settled over the place though which I knew could mean only one thing. The patrons recognised him, CMG had been here before, and they didn't like him.

"What can I get you pet?"

I said my same boring line in my same bored voice. After all, why would Simone know any differently? Inwardly I was squirming. Merlin what I wouldn't give to be able to arrest him right here and now. Haul him in for questioning and the murder of that poor muggle. I mean, he was _right there_ stood opposite me the other side of the bar. I couldn't though, could I? We were on an information gathering exercise only.

 _And we were out numbered_.

His three companions had nabbed a table near Ron and I mulled over the possibilities. We could handle four between us. Unless the regulars that sat with Ron normally chose sides, and given their reputations I rather thought they'd choose CMG's. And that would make it six against two and our odds didn't look so good that way. No, we would have to avoid any sort of conflict. I couldn't see how it would turn out well for us otherwise.

"Four butterbeers please."

I allowed a brief frown to cross my face as I drew my eyes slowly from 'Dave' to travel up to CMG's face, or well – his mask.

It was a very strange request in this pub and Simone would rightly be confused. It gave me a chance to analyse his voice. He was English. And not young. Couldn't be under thirty I didn't think but then voices could be deceptive. And he didn't have an accent. That was the weirdest thing. Normally you could get a faint hint but his voice was completely blank. Just like the mask.

It was only three words though, perhaps I'd get a chance to hear more but something told me it would be bad news if I did.

"Alright pet go take your seat. I'll send them over."

CMG turned without a further word to settle himself in his seat and I had to fight against my spine stiffening as I could feel his eyes watching me at the bar.

An incredibly stressful two hours passed. His companions invited themselves onto Ron's table but CMG didn't move, and he didn't stop staring, or at least that's how it felt. With his mask and the dull lighting, it was very hard to actually tell. My nerves were so on end I nearly jumped when he silently appeared by the bar.

"A room please."

My heart stuttered with fear. We did have a room at this pub and yes it was regularly used. But any wizard requesting it already had a companion with him. CMG was on his own. We didn't allow overnight guests.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

I didn't want to lead him upstairs. That would leave me alone with him, and Ron down here and outnumbered. As Simone though, I could hardly refuse.

"You expecting company?"

It was a legitimate question. CMG seemed to pause before he angled his head, but there was no answer from him.

I turned to scoop the room key off the hook, my mind racing. We had an alarm disguised as a lantern on the landing. If anything happened I knew I'd have to smash that to alert Ron. I slowly made my way around the bar and then waited at the entrance to the stairs for CMG to walk up as I held the key out to him.

"Straight at the top and on your left. You can only have it for an hour."

It was my last attempt to keep myself downstairs.

"Oh no, after you. A wizard must mind his manners."

You know I know I'd named him creepy because of his mask but this wizard really, _really_ was a fucking creep.

I shrugged lightly as I made my slow way up the stairs. Each step was a horror. Every single one of my auror senses was telling me I was about to be attacked. I couldn't however let my body tense and show that I was getting prepared for it. I couldn't get my wand ready to defend myself. I could only walk up as unsuspecting stupid Simone, who kept her wand tied in the laces of her corset which would no doubt get tangled should I try and grab it quickly.

 _Shit, shit, shit._

I was quietly proud of myself I managed to unlock the door with the key without my hands shaking. I pushed it open with a loud creak and tried to hover by the door as I half turned to gesture for him to enter. I knew what was coming.

When his hand clamped around me fore arm and he yanked me into the room to slam me against the wall, I was pleased to see that it had me facing right where I wanted, and I could still look directly onto the landing to where the lantern alarm was. What I had to do now was get my wand free before he shut the door.

What I hadn't anticipated was the vice like grip he'd have over my throat. I didn't bother to try and quell my panic, Simone would of course react that way and I fumbled madly for my wand. It distracted him enough at least that he loosened his grip to watch me struggle.

"Pity you're so quiet, I'd rather hoped you were a screamer. I do so love to put on a show."

He raised his wand just as I managed to get mine free and I shot a hex at the lantern and he released me with a snarl of annoyance. He had clearly been anticipating that I would try and hex him. The alarm screamed out through the pub and I heard a crashing of tables downstairs and I prayed with everything I had that Ron was okay. While I was momentarily free I made a dash for the door but as I expected all that happened was that a spell sent me crashing across the room and then, he was on me.

I fought feebly but all the while managed to keep hold of my wand. We were too close for me to use it but I was taking the time to learn what I could about his physique. Whilst I couldn't use my auror fighting skills just yet that didn't mean I couldn't use my observational ones.

He was strong, I'd already known that but he was physically fit, almost wiry with his muscles. Now that we were this close I could see his hands. He was _definitely_ over thirty, probably over forty. His breath stank slightly, indicating he was a smoker. He had a bag or a wallet in one of his pockets and some small bottles in one of the others, I could hear them clinking as I managed to get us to roll across the floor.

Whilst I knew Simone was dull and slow, I also knew that everyone would fight to save themselves should the situation call for it. I clawed at CMG desperately as I tried to position us in a way where I could flip him. The noises from downstairs were getting closer which meant that Ron was on his way up. If I timed this right I should be able to break free to get to Ron and make our escape. I wasn't sure if our cover was blown but I somehow didn't think this attack was a coincidence. Either way with our safety on the line we couldn't stay here.

I could see shadows flickering now and I made my move. I managed to get one of my legs between his and I heaved even as I shoved the heel of me hand at his mask and heard a satisfying crunch underneath. As CMG cried out in pain I managed to complete the flip but I felt an involuntary scream leave me as I felt a searing pain lance across my chest as I staggered to my feet. I cast a quick couple of stunning and defensive spells at his figure slumped on the floor as I staggered to the doorway. Ron had just made it to the top, blood streaming down one side of his face and what looked like a horrible black burn mark on what I could see of his arm through his ripped sleeve. I lunged, not for him but for the tankard in his hand and as soon as my fingertip touched it I felt the yank in my navel that could only be caused by a portkey.

We didn't have a pretty landing. I slammed into the ground first and Ron landed so heavily on top of me I was sure he'd fucked up my shoulder. It was agony but that was nothing, nothing compared to the pain on my chest. What had that fucker done to me? It felt like there was acid trying to eat its way through me.

I whimpered even as I tried to get my wand hand steady and I heard Ron bellowing for help. At that moment I couldn't even remember where we had travelled to, I just needed to get the burning to stop.

"LLEWELLYN, NO!"

I screamed with pain again this time as Ron flung himself on top of me to pin my wand hand to the ground.

"ARE YOU MAD? Don't you fucking try and heal it, fucks sake Non you don't even know what curse it is."

My mind however was slowly trying to catch up and I could see quite clearly an image of CMG on the floor. But he hadn't had his wand in his hand as I'd clambered up it had been…

"It was a fucking knife Ron, a knife."

I managed to gasp the words out before I scrunched my eyes up tightly against the pain. If it was a cursed knife then I had fucking no clue what spells to use. I knew basic healing and counter curses but this would be beyond me. My useless arm was still pinned beneath me and Ron still had my hand with my wand pinned to the ground like he didn't trust me not to try and heal myself. He was probably right too, I was truly starting to feel desperate to stop the pain.

I nearly moaned with relief as I felt some sort of salve hit my injury. I thought I heard footsteps retreating then but when I managed to crack open one of my eyes I could see Bill standing over us.

 _Of course, we're at Shell Cottage_.

"Oh my God Ron don't let him look at me, I'm dressed like a – a hooker."

It was the salve that had made me recall I was wearing a corset as I could feel the cool air now and my breasts were horribly on show.

"She alright?"

I could hear Ron snort as he uncurled my fingers to take my wand and moved himself off me.

"If she's starting to worry about stupid stuff already then yes she's fine. This needs containing though and quickly. C'mon Non, up with you."

I was too annoyed at Ron's words to get my warning out in time and as he grabbed me by my bad arm to yank me up I had the briefest thought that I wanted to call him a fucking idiot, when I blacked out from the pain.

 **A/N: So sorry for the delay, but finally an update for you all. And I can't believe there's now over 200 followers for this. You're all brilliant, thank you**

 **If you aren't sure what a Geordie accent is then you can look up the TV presenting duo Ant and Dec, for readers outside of the UK they've won the tv presenters of the year award for something stupid like 19 years in a row. Anyway they both have Geordie accents.**

 **I found parts of this really difficult to write so I hope it all came across okay and wasn't too awkward. Let me know what you think anyway I know this was a bit different with time moving so quickly in this one.**

 **Thanks so much again for reading.**

 **Diolch,**

 **Yav**


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